The worst thing to say during sex...

[BobismyRhino]

 

[Kari]

Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.

[Elennsar]

...I'd rather not. 

[AndyJames]

Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.

*doubles over in sympathetic agony*

Well, actually... no

That is like watching a guy get kicked in the balls on TV. The woman will go "Oh, that has got to hurt." The guy will be on the ground clutching his own balls in sympathetic agony.

[bhu]

"Man, even Morgan Freeman gives better head than you do."

[Kuroimaken]

"Man, even Morgan Freeman gives better head than you do."
"Sorry about that. Your sister wasn't a very good teacher."

"You've got a long ways to go before you can suck like Jack Thompson."

[BobismyRhino]

Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.

Ha. That's nothing.

This friend of mine said the most offensive thing to his girlfriend (who would do anything for him and loves him unconditionally) and I wanted to kill him.
I took a Scotch Bonnet (really hot pepper...I had to wear gloves to cut it) and put the juice from it in his Fleshlight. Look up what a fleshlight is if you don't already know.

It was actually really funny. I was laughing along with AC and my other friend while doing it.
That was probably the most evil thing I have ever done. It was fun. 
 

[Kuroimaken]

OUCH, I say. That wasn't just evil, it was evil AND twisted.

Though frankly, who needs a fleshlight if you have a girlfriend?  No friggin way it's better than the real thing.

[bhu]

Ah Scotch Bonnets...truly a wonderful pepper.  If you're ever in pain chew up a few raw ones.  The endorphin release turns your whole body to rubber.  It's like munchin on painkillers.

Now on the downside your mouth is gonna burn a lil for a short period of time...

[CountArioch]

OUCH, I say. That wasn't just evil, it was evil AND twisted.

Though frankly, who needs a fleshlight if you have a girlfriend?  No friggin way it's better than the real thing.

Although I'm sure my experiences with women are atypical, I can imagine that no person could possibly be available sexually for anyone else at all times.  Therefore, it's best to have some sort of backup that won't ruin your relationship.

[j0lt]

Right in the midde, suddenly jump up and run to the living room.  "Shit, I'm gonna miss Sex & the City!"

[CountArioch]

I had a similar thing happen to me, she jumped up because of some irrelevant Everquest event happening.  And I had only climaxed twice, I wasn't anywhere NEAR finished.

[Kuroimaken]

Right in the midde, suddenly jump up and run to the living room.  "Shit, I'm gonna miss Sex & the City!"

There are better shows to miss.

I had a similar thing happen to me, she jumped up because of some irrelevant Everquest event happening.  And I had only climaxed twice, I wasn't anywhere NEAR finished.

That's taking game addiction to a whole other level...

[BowenSilverclaw]

Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.

Ha. That's nothing.

This friend of mine said the most offensive thing to his girlfriend (who would do anything for him and loves him unconditionally) and I wanted to kill him.
I took a Scotch Bonnet (really hot pepper...I had to wear gloves to cut it) and put the juice from it in his Fleshlight. Look up what a fleshlight is if you don't already know.

It was actually really funny. I was laughing along with AC and my other friend while doing it.
That was probably the most evil thing I have ever done. It was fun. 
 

Okay, it's official, you win one internet. Pick up your prize at the way out  

[Kari]

Ha. That's nothing.

This friend of mine said the most offensive thing to his girlfriend (who would do anything for him and loves him unconditionally) and I wanted to kill him.
I took a Scotch Bonnet (really hot pepper...I had to wear gloves to cut it) and put the juice from it in his Fleshlight. Look up what a fleshlight is if you don't already know.

It was actually really funny. I was laughing along with AC and my other friend while doing it.
That was probably the most evil thing I have ever done. It was fun. 
 

I already knew what that was... and.... oh... oh no.... oh ow.... (As a note, the stuff my friend had is much, much, much hotter than even that pepper, as it's the purified/distilled essence of what makes pepper hot, but... still... ow...) That sounds so painful I'm abusing my ellipses again. Either that, or it's because it's 5 am and I'm totally freaking exhausted. 

[Sunic_Flames]

Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.

Ha. That's nothing.

This friend of mine said the most offensive thing to his girlfriend (who would do anything for him and loves him unconditionally) and I wanted to kill him.
I took a Scotch Bonnet (really hot pepper...I had to wear gloves to cut it) and put the juice from it in his Fleshlight. Look up what a fleshlight is if you don't already know.

It was actually really funny. I was laughing along with AC and my other friend while doing it.
That was probably the most evil thing I have ever done. It was fun. 
 

Okay, it's official, you win one internet. Pick up your prize at the way out  

Fuck that shit!

Two internets.

[j0lt]

Right in the midde, suddenly jump up and run to the living room.  "Shit, I'm gonna miss Sex & the City!"

There are better shows to miss.

Exactly why I mentioned it!   

[AfterCrescent]

You all need to hear the whole story, including what said friend told his then girlfriend. We'll let BimR tell that story.


On another note, another friend was walking by his roommate's door one day last year on his way to the kitchen, trying not to hear the sex going on when a noise attracted his attention.  He stopped and listened for a moment before returning to his room. He called me to explain this noise. "Dude. [Name]'s having sex. And the woman's making goat noises."

[Johannixx]

Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.

Ha. That's nothing.

This friend of mine said the most offensive thing to his girlfriend (who would do anything for him and loves him unconditionally) and I wanted to kill him.
I took a Scotch Bonnet (really hot pepper...I had to wear gloves to cut it) and put the juice from it in his Fleshlight. Look up what a fleshlight is if you don't already know.

It was actually really funny. I was laughing along with AC and my other friend while doing it.
That was probably the most evil thing I have ever done. It was fun. 
 

Ouch.  That's even worse than when I spiked some asshole's football girdle with IcyHot, and pissed on his mouthpiece.

[GawainBS]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBUY-sTbsPQ

Here ya go Gawain, this should clear that song from your mind (along with just about everything else.  Run.  Run quite fast).

Actually, this stuck with me less. "I wish I were a lesbian" had a catchier tune.