Last night was an epic Waffle House venture with me, AC, Danger Dan, and Jason. Jason doesn't get a nickname.
First there was unintelligent intelligent negro. Jason came up with the name. I think.
He heard me whining about not having enough room to put my eggs on the table and sorta invited himself into our conversation for the next 5 minutes. And within that 5 minutes he harked on me for being a vegetarian, for not liking things to suffer...and then he told me that in order to get eggs, the farmers had to force the chickens to have sex, and thus, suffer. I tried to argue that eggs were simply ovulation and I could rationalize eating them because it was sorta like a period... The chickens aren't using the eggs, I might as well. But no. Chickens have to have sex to have eggs. Kay. Not going to argue with a man that's 3 times my size.
Then he started harking on me about eating bread. I countered by saying that I hate plants, so I don't mind killing them. And then he started lecturing me on how without plants, there'd be no air. I tried to correct him by telling him that we'd still have air because, you know, most of the oxygen is produced by the photosynthesizing shit in the ocean anyway... He got very serious and told me that I was wrong, that only plants-not trees, mind you- produce oxygen. And to top it off, the reason I should listen to his supreme knowledge was because he was studying physics.
That's when I burst out laughing and just shook my head.
Jason just sorta looked at me after the guy walked away like, "OMG...WTF?" Yeah, I didn't quite understand what had just happened either.
Then there was the waitress. She was fucking hilarious. We told her that AC and DD were a couple, and the rest of the night she referred to them in every possible way as gay. Along with other names, she called them Coconuts, a name that has since been stuck to AC, and also fruitcakes, which is now DD's pet name. Good times, good times.
Can't wait to go back there.