Wish Granted!

[Kuroimaken]

I wish I was the real Santa Claus, the same way as in The Santa Clause.

Wish granted. You were the real Santa Claus, until being pushed off a roof by altpersona so he can use the powers of Christmas to conquer BG.

To stop him, I wish for a team of teenagers with attitude.

Your wish is granted. Sadly, it's a team of teenagers with attitude as envisioned by Disney, who also decided to remake Captain Planet and the Planeteers.

On that note, I wish Charles Darwin were still around, invulnerable, and armed with a chainsaw of natural selection that runs off of mankind's stupidity.

[Monotremeancer]

Wish granted, the chainsaw gains an infinite speed and due to that an infinite mass. The Earth gets sucked into a huge black hole...

I wish you all a happy new year

[Nanshork]

Wish granted, the chainsaw gains an infinite speed and due to that an infinite mass. The Earth gets sucked into a huge black hole...

I wish you all a happy new year

Wish granted, we all have a great new year because we steal everything you own and share it amongst the rest of us.

I wish I had someone to hang out with that wasn't crazy or an ex-girlfriend of mine.

[Kuroimaken]

Wish granted, the chainsaw gains an infinite speed and due to that an infinite mass. The Earth gets sucked into a huge black hole...

I wish you all a happy new year

Wish granted, we all have a great new year because we steal everything you own and share it amongst the rest of us.

I wish I had someone to hang out with that wasn't crazy or an ex-girlfriend of mine.

Wish granted, but unfortunately, that still leaves the annoying, the obnoxious, the depressed, the emos, and the transexuals, and they all want to hang out with you at the same time.

I wish I weren't fat.

[Monotremeancer]

Wish granted, you are now semi-bulimic, meaning you do a lot of eating, but no puking.

I wish I could find a reason to use the fish-shaking smiley over at DeviantArt

[RobbyPants]

Wish granted!  You post it in the perfect thread, but you make the mistake of hotlinking it instead of saving it, and when the user later pulls it down that day, nobody in the thread gets to see the awesome that was the fish-shaking smiley.

I wish I could do 100 push-ups in a row.

[Kuroimaken]

Wish granted!  You post it in the perfect thread, but you make the mistake of hotlinking it instead of saving it, and when the user later pulls it down that day, nobody in the thread gets to see the awesome that was the fish-shaking smiley.

I wish I could do 100 push-ups in a row.

Wish granted. Your arm, sadly, grows to such horrific proportions that you are now unable to reach behind yourself to wipe your bum.

I wish I could harness my awesome into a profitable activity.

[Prime32]

I wish I could harness my awesome into a profitable activity.

Wish granted. You permanently become a biological component of a revolutionary new reactor which has no emissions and can power the entire world indefinitely, your limbs and part of your brain removed to reduce maintenance. This is highly profitable for its inventor, the Brazilian president, who is awarded multiple Nobel Prizes. A year later, members of your family are kidnapped by agents of other countries, similarly processed and used to power superweapons. The existence of these weapons soon provokes a war of unprecedented proportions which leads to the death of everyone on earth... except you. Having become immortal, you are trapped inside the reactor until the end of the universe.

I wish for a pair of sunglasses.

[Kuroimaken]

I wish I could harness my awesome into a profitable activity.

Wish granted. You permanently become a biological component of a revolutionary new reactor which has no emissions and can power the entire world indefinitely, your limbs and part of your brain removed to reduce maintenance. This is highly profitable for its inventor, the Brazilian president, who is awarded multiple Nobel Prizes. A year later, members of your family are kidnapped by agents of other countries, similarly processed and used as to power superweapons. The existence of these weapons soon provokes a war of unprecedented proportions which leads to the death of everyone on earth... except you. Having become immortal, you are trapped inside the reactor until the end of the universe.

I wish for a pair of sunglasses.

...wow. Went all-out for that one, didn't you?

I would find it more likely that the Brazillian president of the time screw it up.

I'd probably also develop mind powers at some point so I could rip myself off it.

[Prime32]

...wow. Went all-out for that one, didn't you?

This is what happens after a Franken Fran Archive Binge.

[RobbyPants]

Granted.  You get your pair of sunglasses... then Goro punches your face and ruins them.  Bastard!

I wish I could throw harpoons like scorpion and pull people around with relative ease and yell "Get over here!" like a total badass.

[Mixster]

Granted you are now a bad, harpoon toting donkey.

I wish that I could fly.

[konner09]

Granted you are now a bad, harpoon toting donkey.

I wish that I could fly.

WIsh Granted but unfortunetly you get caught in a turbine.

I wish for a shoelace

[Sohala]

Granted, now only if you could find a second one, then you could tie your, non Velcro, non slip on, shoes.

I wish for more snow across the US.

[PlzBreakMyCampaign]

Your wish is granted. Local reporters find that it is your wish that is the direct cause of a slight global downturn of temperatures. Al Gore hunts you down and shoots you in a rage.

If I had to wish for only one change, I wish everyone to be as wise as me.

[Vinom]

Your wish is granted, you and everyone else is rendered as wise as a drunk spider monkey.

I wish that I had sandwich.

[konner09]

Wish granted you have a sandwich the best tasting sandwich ever, but  when the sandwich is fineshed you are stuck in a room  playing disney music at 350 decibals on a infinite loop.

I wish for a nividia Geforce 550

[Vinom]

Wish granted, you have achieved enlightenment at five hundred fifty times earth's gravity, and are mostly flattened into something not unlike week old vomit.

I wish I was out of this room.

[Nox_Noctis]

Wish granted! You are in the molten core of the Earth -- taking a test you haven't studied for -- in your underwear!

I wish I had a delicious pizza.

[Kuroimaken]

Wish granted! You are in the molten core of the Earth -- taking a test you haven't studied for -- in your underwear!

I wish I had a delicious pizza.

That sounds like a trivial task.

Wish granted. Unfortunately, it's made delicious by a poison that turns your white blood cells into rabid gerbils intent on devouring your intestines and genitals from the inside. Their saliva contains a substance that accelerates your perception to a ridiculously high ratio, so you feel like your body hasn't died for an entire century despite it only taking a few seconds.

I wish I were a girl. (Twist THIS one!)