Brilliant Gameologists Forum
Playtime! => The Playground => : Kai May 22, 2008, 04:29:39 AM
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Grant the wish of the person above you, but with a twist. Then make a wish of your own.
Example:
Poster 1: I wish I was a great dancer.
Poster 2: Wish granted! You are the reigning world champion of the chicken dance...but you have to actually be wearing a chicken costume for your skill to be acknowledged by others.
Please do not try to circumvent the spirit of the game by adding provisions that others cannot screw up your wish or that something bad happens to the grantor instead of the wisher, etc.
And do try to remember this game is for fun and a fatality does not always have to occur for there to be a twist to the wish.
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I wish I had a chocolate cupcake.
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Wish granted. Your first-born child shall be a living chocolate cupcake... that eats puppies.
***
I wish I was Iron Man.
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I wish I was Iron Man.
Too easy. :P
- You turn into iron
- You get the suit, but can't control it, and it attacks you
- You turn into Tony Stark... with a piece of shrapnel inside your heart and no comic-book science to stop it
I wish I was Superman
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You are going to be the biggest dick in the history of mankind. That's something of a con.
I wish I passed my entrance exams.
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You pass, but are handed an empty tube on graduation day, as they caught you plagarizing.
I wish I had more vacation
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I wish I had more vacation
Wish granted. You lose your job, and have to sell your apartment to pay the bills. Eventually you end up moving back to your mom.
I wish... I had a bigger tv.
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Wish granted. Unfortunately it is so big you break your back carrying it to the apartment and it falls down and shatters into thousands of pieces.
I wish no-one here spoils this wish.
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Wish granted. Your wish stays in limbo for eternity, never decaying, never spoiling, but never granted either.
I wish I were wealthy.
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You win the lottery. A giant pile of tax bills, tax attorneys, tax evasion charges, theft, and general money grubbing have you longing for the days of a small but steady income.
I wish I stayed at age of 21 forever.
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i wish I could time travel :D
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You win the lottery. A giant pile of tax bills, tax attorneys, tax evasion charges, theft, and general money grubbing have you longing for the days of a small but steady income.
I wish I stayed at age of 21 forever.
Wish granted! yo'll revive the day of your 21 birthday forever.
i wish I could time travel :D
Wish granted! You can travel back in time at the rate of 1 hour per hour spent concentrating.
I wish this wish to be granted!
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Your circular wish causes immense causal strain upon the universe. Win a sudden burst, reality dissolves, killing everyone within 10,000 light years.
I wish network TV wasn't so lousy.
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I wish network TV wasn't so lousy.
The giant lice come to your place instead :P
.sdrawkcab deklat I taht hsiw I
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Your wish is granted. You are now unintelligible to all of mankind, and can never communicate with another human again.
I wish for a secret, underground lair.
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Your wish is granted. You are now unintelligible to all of mankind, and can never communicate with another human again.
I wish for a secret, underground lair.
Wish granted! There is now an underground lair, somewhere. You'll never know where, tho. :lol
I wish there were more people playing this game :)
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I wish there were more people playing this game :)
Beidh a lán daoine ag imirt. Unfortuantely you cannot meht dnatsrednu :smirk
I wish for more wishes (which can only be used by myself).
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Beidh a lán daoine ag imirt. Unfortuantely you cannot meht dnatsrednu :smirk
I wish for more wishes (which can only be used by myself).
Wish granted! You gain the ability to post in this thread again.
********
I wish I had more money in order to purchase gas.
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I wish I had more money in order to purchase gas.
Your wish is granted! You try to purchase gas, but it turns out they don't accept monopoly money.
This is going to be a fun one:
I wish to have a sexy girlfriend with no abnormal psychological impulses.
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I wish I had more money in order to purchase gas.
Your wish is granted! You try to purchase gas, but it turns out they don't accept monopoly money.
This is going to be a fun one:
I wish to have a sexy girlfriend with no abnormal psychological impulses.
You have a stunningly beautiful girlfriend. After a brilliant evening together, she reveals that she is really a he.
I wish to own a giant pile of flawless diamonds.
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I wish to own a giant pile of flawless diamonds.
A giant pile of flawless diamonds falls on top of you and kills you. Within the pile are legal documents that back up your claim of ownership. Unfortunately, you're still dead.
I wish the cake was not a lie.
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Wish granted. The cake eats you before spontaneously combusting. All that remains is pie.
I wish I never need sleep again.
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wish granted; after 4 days not sleeping you pass out, only to regain contiousness 10 hours later. This process repeats itself indefinitely :wink
I wish I could found my own colony in a different galaxy :D
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I wish I could found my own colony in a different galaxy :D
Wish granted! You found your own colony in a different galaxy. Everyone in the colony respects you, the Queen Ant.
I wish Pun Pun never existed.
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Wish Granted! The universe collapses in on itself in a puff of logic, erasing Pun-Pun and everything else from existence (and erasing existence itself). Sadly you do not exist to see it happen.
I wish I could focus on my research paper.
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Wish granted! Your computer explodes.
I wish I can CO like the best of them.
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Wish Granted! Every CO member suffers a 100d6 Intelligence penalty, reducing their ability to make optimized characters severely.
I wish I had a new computer!
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I wish I had a new computer!
Wish granted! You are now the happy owner of a 20lb Pentium 1 laptop straight out of 1993... It will even run word!!!
I wish I could play god for one day
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Wish Granted! A new board game, named God, is released to 1 special recipient - you! Sadly, the game involves flipping a penny. Heads, you win, tails you lose.
I wish I had a star destroyer.
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I wish I had a star destroyer.
You had a Star Destroyer. Unfortunately the Emporer was testing a new superweapon and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time(orbitting Alderan). Your ship was crushed by the debris with you along with it.
I wish that 4th Edition is a lie.
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Wish granted! G0 continues to be a donkey and alienates the entire fan base. 4th Ed fails as a result, WotC along with it soon after.
I wish managers really knew how to manage, and not just how to brown nose...
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Wish granted! Managers now are all very good horse riders.
I wish I had good luck.
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Wish granted! Managers now are all very good horse riders.
I wish I had good luck.
You had good luck. In fact, you never really knew you had it until it went away. You have horrible luck from now until the end of your life.
I wish I could make the best D&D build ever.
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You discover something superior to pun-pun. Unfortunately, no DM will ever let you use it at their table.
I wish to gain all of the beneficial powers in all DnD sourcebooks.
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Wish granted. The downside is that you become nothing more than a part of the imagination of the TO specialists.
I wish I sleep well now when I hit the hays.
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Wish granted! You get a perfect night sleep each and every night...as long as you sleep in haystacks.
I wish there was a new Brilliant Gameologist podcast every day.
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I wish there was a new Brilliant Gameologist podcast every day.
Wish granted. Everyday the BGs podcast the most amazing material ever. Also, your internet dies so you can never hear it. If you try to find someone who's downloaded it, your ears melt. Also, you go blind.
I wish I could weild a claymore with one hand.
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Wish granted, you can totally run around pointing a directional mine one handed!
I wish didn't procrastinate so much.
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Wish Granted! You now procrastinate exactly .000001% less than before!
I wish I could play any instrument without ever practicing.
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Wish Granted! You can play instruments without practicing, you just suck at them...
I wish to be omnipotent.
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Wish granted, too bad you don't know how to use your power.
I wish to know the meaning of life.
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Wish granted. The meaning drives you mad. You spend the rest of your life in an asylum.
I wish the rum wasn't gone.
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Granted, unfortuately it gets set on fire.
I wish for a simple solution to a difficult problem.
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Wish Granted! You discover simple solutions, but they all entail significant drawbacks that exceed the benefits.
I wish for a living, friendly, and cool pet rhinoceros.
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Wish granted. Your rhino is friendly. Too friendly. After the third "accident" involving your neighbors' cars, the rhino had to be put down.
I wish my credit card was accepted everywhere and no funds would ever be charged to me.
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Wish Granted! Unfortunately, because you splurge carelessly, the entire world is plunged into a state of economic disrepair and becomes quite unable to sustain itself. We fall into a second Dark Age and you die of tuberculosis because you cannot be treated or vaccinated. Oh, and you have AIDs. Good game, sir. ;)
I wish I had gold-colored eyes (not the Golden Eye).
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Wish granted! You get turned into Enya.
I wish for a fast sports car that doesn't need fuel, doesn't need maintenence, is totally invulnerable to damage (i.e., I don't ahve to fix it up if someone crashes into me), and actually works as intended.
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Wish Granted! The sports car is totally fine after the second crash at over 100MpH, but your head is nothing but a smear against the windscreen.
I wish I could teleport at will
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Wish Granted! You're still waiting for someone to die, however, to claim that ability through the last will and testament. Oh, incidentally, I neglected to mention that someone is you. At least your corpse will be able to teleport. Posthumous recognition is awesome, I hear, anyway.
I wish I can see through walls.
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Wish Granted! You can now see through walls of air!
I wish to have access to an unlimited free amount of Beef Jerky :drool
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I wish to have access to an unlimited free amount of Beef Jerky :drool
It smothers you
I wish for my wishes to grant me exactly what I want, with no negative effects.
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Wish granted! You are no longer able to make wishes!
I wish for a puppy.
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Wish granted. You get a puppy and, best of all, it is very well cooked.
I wish that the 4e will not suck.
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Wish granted. You get a puppy and, best of all, it is very well cooked.
I wish that the 4e will not suck.
Wish granted. 4th edition won't suck. It will blow.
I wish i had more time.
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Your wish is granted. You gain one millisecond out of every day of your life.
I wish for the weather over London to be wonderful.
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It becomes wonderfully rainy.
I wish for an extra life.
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Wish Granted: You become pregnant.
I wish for a day at the beach.
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You appear at the beach. Moments before a tsunami arrives.
I wish for a large, brand new, and fully functional car.
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You appear at the beach. Moments before a tsunami arrives.
I wish for a large, brand new, and fully functional car.
Wish Granted! Unfortunately as the car was being delivered from Japan, the ship sank and it's now on the bottom of the ocean.
I wish for 5 undamaged, real American One Dollar Bills which were made within the past 4 years to disappear when this wish is over from someone I've never mets' pocket leaving no indication of where they went or who they went to and to appear when this wish is over on top of my desk -by themselves- in the same undamaged condition with no other effect except the literal interpretation of this wish to result from this wish.
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Wish Granted: The dollars you get are undamaged and real, but they are unfortunately not a valid payment currency
I wish to have such a perfect life that I dont need a wish
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Wish granted! Your life turns into a single photography of an absolutely perfect moment in a life. You wont be able to interact anymore, though.
I wish for the power to undo the effects I don't like from my own wishes.
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Wish Granted: The dollars you get are undamaged and real, but they are unfortunately not a valid payment currency
Ha. I was pretty close. At least nothing bad happened to me.
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Wish Granted: The dollars you get are undamaged and real, but they are unfortunately not a valid payment currency
Ha. I was pretty close. At least nothing bad happened to me.
The dollars turn into a grue, and... well, I think you can guess.
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Wish granted! Your life turns into a single photography of an absolutely perfect moment in a life. You wont be able to interact anymore, though.
I wish for the power to undo the effects I don't like from my own wishes.
You gain that power. However, it also undoes all of the good effects from those wishes, too.
I wish for a giant bouncy castle.
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Wish granted! You are instantly transported to 1324 and are the king of a small domain in Western Europe. Your castle, however, is an inflatable, bouncy castle and your enemies immediately attack and within seconds, destroy your entire kingdom... and you.
I wish I could eat all the cake I wanted with no side affects or weight gain or health issues.
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Wish granted! However, the cake had the same wish, with humans as the subject...
I wish something horrible happen to me.
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Wish granted. You lose all memory of RP, but it also winds up to save your social life, while taking away your enjoyment of roleplaying.
I wish I mastered all the combos in Tekken 5.
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Wish granted! Your thumbs are reduced to bleeding, blistered, gangrenous masses, however.
I wish for a good tomato crop this summer, without any sort of mutant zombie tomatoes, locusts, or exploding tomatoes like last year.
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Wish granted! Your tomato crop is the king of all tomato crops to exist ever. It is then that the tomato-consuming industries all go bankrupt as a new-tomato free diet craze sweeps the nation, rendering your crop pointless.
I wish I had a paid, stable job. Really, any job will do.
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Grab a shovel, and hit that manure pile, cause you do now! I hope you know how to curry a horse, also. You can pick up your five bucks at the end of the week.
I wish Charlie Brown had hit that football just once...
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He succeeds, but like Gramatica, shatters his tendons in the process and can never walk again.
I wish for a fleet of buxom blondes.
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I wish for a fleet of buxom blondes.
You have 7 beautiful blond girlfriends who all find out you've been cheating on them.
You wake up shackled to a wall in horrible pain as you realize your manliness has been ripped out and cuts have been made surgically along major arteries(one of them was a nurse) and you see the 7 of them wave to you as you are left to bleed to death.
(Sorry Strato, but never underestimate the power of evil females, especially in multiples)
I wish I had a new car.
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Wish granted. You had a brand new car. It was unfortunately one of the victims of Nox_Noctis' pet rhino (see page 3). The back half has been crushed and the stains and smells will never wash out.
I wish my body could survive indefinitely without food, air, or water, and without wasting away or being randomly decomposed in some other unforseen manner.
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Wish Granted! You are sealed in a stasis capsule where your body will survive essentially for eternity. Your sanity, on the other hand, as you lie in a coma, deteriorates rapidly and you wish only for a swift death to save you from your bodily prison.
I wish my rhinoceros would behave himself.
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Wish Granted! You are sealed in a stasis capsule where your body will survive essentially for eternity. Your sanity, on the other hand, as you lie in a coma, deteriorates rapidly and you wish only for a swift death to save you from your bodily prison.
I wish my rhinoceros would behave himself.
Your Rhinoceros becomes intelligent and well behaved and goes on to attend Harvard. However, it ceases to refer to you as its master as it is far more intelligent than you(getting a PhD and proposing new theories about scientific topics ranging from Astrophysics to intramolecular forces of atoms to Microbiology) and even goes so far as to file a restraining order against you.
I wish I never had to pay for food.
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Wish granted. You are now homeless and poor. No one will ever give you even a penny again. You must steal to live, and eventully even that fails as the police arrest you for shoplifting. You are summarily killed in prison before given your first meal.
I wish I had a PhD in my name, that belonged to me, that I earned, without doing any work, in any way shape or form, for it.
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Wish Granted! Your parents named you ZaPhD. You are ostracized as a child because of your weird name and people look at you skeptically at job interviews. As a result, you fail to pay your bills and are imprisoned for tax evasion.
I wish to have meat ray vision.
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I wish to have meat ray vision.
Wish granted! You gain the ability to see meat rays. I hope that works out well for you.
I wish I had a cool pet that was obedient to me.
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I wish my body could survive indefinitely without food, air, or water, and without wasting away or being randomly decomposed in some other unforseen manner.
I just wanted to give an alternate response to this: Your body survives, but your mind is ejected from it, leaving you a tortured ghost.
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I wish I had a cool pet that was obedient to me.
Wish granted: You are infected with a parasite which freezes people from the inside out as part of its metabolism. It is completely obedient to you, however.
I wish for the ability to fly under my own power, at a speed of my choosing, with perfect control and no dangerous effects, without being changed in any way other than gaining the ability to fly.
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I wish for the ability to fly under my own power, at a speed of my choosing, with perfect control and no dangerous effects, without being changed in any way other than gaining the ability to fly.
You gain the ability to run away("fly") at a speed of your choosing with perfect control using nothing but your own two legs. However, your frame of vision does not keep up with your superhuman speed and you trip over a loose rock and fly into a brick wall being killed by the momentum. Though running itself has no dangerous effects, not paying close attention to your surroundings does.
I wish to be the ultimate unstoppable Dark Jedi with a fully functional lightsaber.
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Wish granted! You are now the ultimate "emo" jedi, with a fully functional lightsaber to cut yourself with. No one can stop you, either.
I wish I knew what to write here.
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Wish granted! You think of the perfect thing to wish for, but when you go to type it your keyboard shorts out, and by the time you've replaced your keyboard you've forgotten the wish.
I wish Diet Mountain Dew didn't taste awful.
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Wish granted. It's delicious. And now you're deathly allergic to it. And it causes cancer.
I wish I had really amazing graphical design skills.
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Granted. But all of your work would be used as source for motivators at the Psionic Motivators thread (http://forums.gleemax.com/showthread.php?t=860380).
I wish I could have PhoenixInferno's skills with the words.
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You gain them. Unfortunately, leprosy has taken your fingers and your tongue.
I wish for every day to have twice as many hours.
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Granted. Every day now has 48 hours. Each hour is now 30 minutes long.
I wish for a pet monkey that has no diseases or unnatural problems. And doesn't throw poo. And doesn't die randomly.
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Granted. But then you find out he was PunPun in disguise, and he banishes you to a random plane.
I wish earn money without working.
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You have an average income of a penny a day.
I wish for a good thing to happen to me with no negative consequences.
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Wish granted. You find a penny. Life's good.
On a totally unrelated note, an anvil falls on you.
I wish my DM won't kill my PC.
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No worries. He likes to leave rape victims alive.
I wish that the world gets worse every day.
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Your wish was granted a long, long time ago.
I wish to be able to breath water and air.
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Wish granted, but you lost the ability to drink water and you die a slow and painful death pf dehydration....
I wish I were a Rockstar :eh
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Wish Granted. You were Elvis Presley. We know how that ended. :wink
I wish to have the spellcasting ability of a 20th level cleric.
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Wish Granted. Although it took you some time to get to lvl 20, so you now have only 1 second left to live...
I wish I could create my own sun
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I wish I could create my own sun
Wish Granted. You create a new sun in your room. You and the planet are sucked into it's powerful gravity and obliterated.
I wish America would get a president who isn't an idiot and/or self-centered.
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Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, said president is insane, and begins poking the big red button.
I wish for gnomes to stay far away from me.
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Wish granted. Gnomes stay far far away from you, you outcast of gnome society. That's right. You're a gnome now.
I wish people knew how to drive.
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Each person is granted the ability to drive like Dale Earnheardt. Unfortunately, each also believes in "wrecking racing" to get to work.
I wish to live in Eden.
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Each person is granted the ability to drive like Dale Earnheardt. Unfortunately, each also believes in "wrecking racing" to get to work.
I wish to live in Eden.
Wish Granted! You now live in Eden, New York
I wish to drive a monster truck. (yes, I know this will end badly. :D)
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I wish to drive a monster truck. (yes, I know this will end badly. :D)
(You see it coming a mile away, Reflex save.)
You drive a truck which is a CR 90 monster in truck shape, a horrible cybernetic beast which promptly devours you, and goes out to wreck the world.
I wish I never failed my saving throws.
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I wish I never failed my saving throws.
You never fail a saving throw ever again, but you you fail your Grapple against the CR 90 monster truck and are eaten (no save).
I wish to know the ultimate question to life, the universe and everything.
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I wish I never failed my saving throws.
You never fail a saving throw ever again, but you you fail your Grapple against the CR 90 monster truck and are eaten (no save).
I wish to know the ultimate question to life, the universe and everything.
Wish granted: Why?
I wish I had a DM that would let me break the game.
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Granted. Your dream DM is a metagaming, railroading, powergaming, rules-lawyering, munchkining drama queen who tries to make the game 'realistic'.
After all Fair's fair.
I wish for calamity upon myself.
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Everything you touch for the rest of your life rots.
I wish for a giant tentacle beast. [This should be fun]
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Wish granted. Your giant tentacle beast has the heart, soul, and mind of a puppy. It's adorable and doesn't do any of the terrible things you had hoped for. :P
I wish for an icecream cone, with icecream.
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Wish granted. You get three fresh scoops of rhubarb and avacado icecream, in a red pepper cone.
I wish for a puppy.
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(Blatantly imitates aftercrescent, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!) Wish Granted! Your puppy has the heart, mind, and soul of....a tomato. It justs sits there and rots and gets really gross.(Have you ever seen a rotten tomato?)
I wish I had the powers of Superman.
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Wish granted. You have the powers of Superman. And the weaknesses. And a collar of kryptonite with a broken latch so you can't take it off.
I wish to be flattered more. :P
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Wish granted. Everything everyone ever tells you for the rest of your life is a lie. You are flattered often.
I wish my monster truck and stratovarius's tentacle beast would get into a fight in Downtown Tokyo.
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Wish granted. Everything everyone ever tells you for the rest of your life is a lie. You are flattered often.
I wish my monster truck and stratovarius's tentacle beast would get into a fight in Downtown Tokyo.
Wish granted. The truck runs over the beast when it failed to look both ways crossing a busy street.
I wish to never make a fool of myself again.
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Thats easy. My good friend Myself Again avoids you for the rest of his natural life.
I wish that i could cook a grilled cheese without burning it.
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Thats easy. My good friend Myself Again avoids you for the rest of his natural life.
I wish that i could cook a grilled cheese without burning it.
Wish granted. Your grilled cheese no longer burns, it EXPLODES when overcooked.
I wish my teeth were indestructible, impervious to rot and otherwise impossible to damage.
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I wish my teeth were indestructible, impervious to rot and otherwise impossible to damage.
Wish Granted. Your teeth disappear from your mouth, but wherever they are, they are indestructible.
I wish I could time travel in my car like in the movie Back to the Future
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You can. However, the dial is stuck on Europe in the 1350s.
I wish to be 6'10", naturally.
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Wish Granted. Your teeth disappear from your mouth, but wherever they are, they are indestructible.
I wish I could time travel in my car like in the movie Back to the Future
Someone posted while I was doing it. Here's what I had...
Granted. You time travel whenever you hit 88 miles per hour, and yes, you can set how far back you go safely too. On whim, you got back about a month to test it... and appear in deep space, as one month ago the earth was not at the spot you were.
And now....
I wish to be 6'10", naturally.
Granted. You grow to 6'10" size due to natural giantism. Your heart weakens and you die.
I wish I had some salad dressing.
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Wish Granted! You obtain a bottle of salad dressing. Much to your dismay, however, the mortician discovers you died of arsenic poisoning.
I wish to be Derek Zoolander.
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Wish granted. You are arrested for attempting to assassinate the Malaysian Prime Minister.
I wish for a chili dog from Checkers (the restaurant).
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Wish granted. You also have truly horrible gas, and everyone flees as you come near.
I wish for a giant panda.
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Wish granted. Bad news: You catch panda-scratch fever. Good news: Ted Nugent writes a hit song about it and plays at your closed-casket funeral.
I wish to accurately predict the future.
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Wish granted! You accurately predict your own death in 5 seconds.
I wish to see more giant monsters destroying downtown tokyo.
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I wish to see more giant monsters destroying downtown tokyo.
Wish granted! You rent Godzilla and its sequels from Blockbuster...
I wish Gamer_Zer0 wasn't a jerk.
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Wish granted! The universe no longer exists. And neither does Gamer_Zero. Since he doesn't exist, he's not a jerk.
I wish to get a good grade on my test.
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Wish granted. You pass the test with flying colours. Your grade for the year on the other hand... Well, I hope you like summer school.
I wish for more DMs to host games.
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Wish granted; everyone is running so many games, no one has time to play in any. They all collapse.
I wish I didn't have to do all this packing myself.
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Wish granted! People come help you pack your stuff into their suitcases, and they carry it away.
I wish I had the ability to grant my own wishes.
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Wish granted! Everyone but you loses the ability to make wishes, thus ending this game.
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Wish granted. You pass the test with flying colours. Your grade for the year on the other hand... Well, I hope you like summer school.
Heh. I'm -in- summer classes right now. And I -do- like it. :-P
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Getting things back on track...
I wish I had the ability to grant my own wishes.
Wish granted! You have the ability to grant your own wishes, only they always have mysteriously horrible side effects.
I wish my landscaping was already done.
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Getting things back on track...
I wish I had the ability to grant my own wishes.
Wish granted! You have the ability to grant your own wishes, only they always have mysteriously horrible side effects.
Heh, I was waiting for Dan2 to wish the thread back into existence. :P
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... (I think his wish was denied)...
I wish I wasn't the only one who could get wishes granted...
It was lonely on top... :'(
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Wish granted. Now everyone can have wishes granted. The world spirals into chaos. Also, someone wishes you don't have feet and can't wish them back. Oddly, that wish is granted without side effect.
I wish I had a cool Fedora and a purple Pimp Suit.
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Wish Granted. You are promptly arrested due to profiling and have a horrific couple of nights in jail while the public defender finds time for you.
I wish last call in Utah was later than 1am.
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Wish granted. Last call is now at 1:01am.
I wish the public defender finds time for me before the first night in jail.
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He does. You get a brief 'Hello' as he walks past to talk to someone else.
I wish to live on a giant starship.
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Wish granted. You live on the starship. Unfortunately, all the air and whatnot are IN the starship. "Your head asplode", as they say.
I wish I could get this stupid writing done so I could go fishing.
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Wish granted. The writing magically finishes all by itself. You break your`e fishing pole trying to land the biggest salmon you have ever seen. Noone ever belives the story. :fu
I wish I was a Ninja.
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You gain a single level in the Ninja class. All the optimizers laugh at your choice.
I wish for a private, habitable, planet.
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Wish Granted! Unfortunately, your planet is in the middle of a proposed bypass and it seems you did not bother to file any of the appropriate forms even though they've been sitting in an office for fifty years.
I wish to be impervious to all negative effects of wishes while retaining my ability to make wishes.
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Wish Granted! You're now immune to the negative effects of your wishes, and the positive effects, and the neutral ones for the matter. You can still wish whatever you want tho :P
I wish they all could be california girls :lol
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Wish Granted! Most of them are rude, conceited, and not worth the time because they have so much drama in their lives it's ridiculous (this coming from someone born and raised in California, so I have knowledge of the matter).
I wish for a pony (of doom).
-
Wish granted. You have a brand new 2" plastic toy pony (of doom).
I wish I didn't have to pay to download the cool games on my PS3
-
Wish Granted! You don't. You can choose to or choose not to of your own volition (like always - that didn't even require a wish). Choosing not to pay, of course, means you typically cannot download the game, however, so that kind of sucks.
I wish for MENERGY!
-
Wish Granted (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs). And now everyone knows you brought this here. Their wrath shall be swift and merciless.
I wish I had some twizzlers... mmmm... yummmy twizzlers...
-
Wish Granted. There past their prime and are a little hard. You probably still find them enjoyable though.
I wish health insurance companies didn't run the fucking country.
-
The pony causes havoc wherever it goes. It soon eats itself so large it cannot move without a forklift.
I wish for a good book.
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Wish Granted. There past their prime and are a little hard. You probably still find them enjoyable though.
I wish health insurance companies didn't run the fucking country.
First, Strat, I totally had to minus a Gameology-Fu for that, sorry. The pony was a while ago. >_>
Wish Granted! They are replaced by ruthless Space Invaders (c) who demand "quarters, a million allowances worth of quarters!" Oh, and they also kill you, your friends, and your family. Oddly enough, they spare everyone else and leave, forgetting entirely about the quarters.
I wish to be a "WIZARD!"
-
I wish to be a "WIZARD!"
Wish granted! A bunch of nerdy phone company employees trap you and make you ride around inside an airbrushed painting on the side of their van.
I wish for the ability to fly.
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You are granted the ability to fly, just as well as bricks don't.
I wish for my tentacle beast back.
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Wish granted. Your tentacle beast has been reincarnated into the form of a....*drum roll* plastic spoon.
I wish I could sleep for 30 hours straight without any negative side effects or twists.
-
Wish Granted! While your side is fine and you are not contorted in the least, it seems your head has split open when you began sleep-walking and fell off a cliff, causing irreparable damage in the form of death. Everyone tried to wake you, but thirty hours was not up...
I wish to star in Sin City II.
pfooti, thanks for getting the reference. :)
-
Wish granted! You are the star of the film! The box office ranks up to a sum of $32. You fall into a pit of poverty and obscurity, and no one will talk to you because the movie was so terrible.
I wish I was an orangutan.
-
Wish granted! You are the star of the film! The box office ranks up to a sum of $32. You fall into a pit of poverty and obscurity, and no one will talk to you because the movie was so terrible.
I wish I was an orangutan.
Wish Granted! You were an orangutan until the CR 90 monster truck stepped on you. Now you're a splat.
I wish that this sentence is a lie.
-
I wish that this sentence is a lie.
Granted, however the wish accomplished nothing and you wasted one of your 9th level spell slots, and your patron diety is angry for wasting his time and smites you.
I wish for the collapse of timespace, leading to a backward decent into oblivion.
-
Your wish is granted. However, only your relative, personal universe collapses. It sucks for you, but the rest of us are fine.
I wish to be a famous (and living) novelist.
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Wish granted! You're really, really, really popular in Liechtenstein.
I wish for beautiful weather tomorrow.
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I wish for beautiful weather tomorrow.
Wish granted. The weather is PERFECT, as the global climate shifts to your liking. And of course nature compensates, as millions die from the flooding in Africa, the tornados in Japan, the hurricanes destroying Europe, and the entire ecosystem falling apart.
I wish for a catgirl, as per all the classic catgirls in anime and fiction.
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I wish for a catgirl, as per all the classic catgirls in anime and fiction.
Wish granted! You briefly stalk Catwoman in Batman: the Animated series. You then get hit in the head with a Batarang, fall of a building and die, while Batman and Catwoman go off screen and get it on.
I wish for the Triforce.
-
Wish granted. Ganon arrives at your house with the dead bodies of Zelda and Link. You're next.
[spoiler](http://img133.imageshack.us/img133/2268/1165190419216fb2.jpg)[/spoiler]
I wish for a shoe.
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I wish for a shoe.
Granted. It is the shoe worn by the monty python foot. It falls from the sky and crushes you and most of the city block.
I wish for a simple, ordinary, mundane kitten with a socialable temperament.
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Wish granted! Your typical kitten proceeds to crap all over your carpet and leave golf-ball sized piles of puke on your pillow.
I wish I was a better CO'er :)
-
Wish Granted! Unfortunately, you become better at FATAL CO.
I wish something terrible and ironic happened to me.
-
Nothing happens.
I wish for electronics to actually work at all times. [And yes, I know the gods will laugh at this one]
-
Wish Granted: All electronics work at all times, but the human race cannot produce enough electricity to support them. You are forced to run in a hampster wheel to post on these boards.
I wish that no one ever ignores me.
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Wish granted. Everyone pays attention to you always. You can never get any sleep or privacy and eventually (re: 5 minutes) go crazy and kill yourself.
I wish for a pony.
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Wish Granted! You are gifted with a pony. Unfortunately for you, the pony is more than meets the eye. The Werepony Ninja kills you in your sleep and takes all your stuff.
I wish for a random lolpic to interrupt the momentum of this thread
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(http://www.nataliedee.com/092705/wish-granting.jpg)
I wish for more wishes!
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Granted, but they already worded for you.
I wish for a portal to the ethereal plane.
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wish granted, you now have a portal to nothngness because the ethereal plane does not exist, in fact the portal is just a loop...
I wish that noone wishes again for they are never realized
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Wish Granted! No one ever wishes again. One guy does kindly ask for the ability to "Hwish," however, which becomes the new cool thing.
I hwish for cool hwhip.
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Your hwish has been objected (http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=2605984)
I wish for a chainsaw and a hockey mask, but without the psychopath.
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Wish granted! A psychopath buries a chainsaw in your chest, drops his hockey mask on your mutilated corpse, and runs off before the police arrive.
I wish my lungs worked :(
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Wish granted! A psychopath buries a chainsaw in your chest, drops his hockey mask on your mutilated corpse, and runs off before the police arrive.
I wish my lungs worked :(
Wish granted! Your lungs work 8-5 on weekdays and have weekends off.
I wish for my power level to be over 9000.
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Your hwish has been objected (http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=2605984)
I wish for a chainsaw and a hockey mask, but without the psychopath.
Objection! (http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=2606003)
(Wish and hwish are synonymous terms.)
EDIT: Wish Granted! Your power level is over 9000. You are then hunted down and killed by Goku, who is inexplicably evil (because plot holes are all the rage), and whose power level still far exceeds your pitiful 9000.000000000000000000000000001
I wish for great calamity and four mystical warriors of light to save the world from said calamity and for it to not be ruined by Square-Enix.
-
Nox Norris: You polymorph into Indiana Jones complete with a whip and appear in a block of ice at the north pole. Now you have a very cool whip.
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Wish granted. Go watch Voltron. The fifth warrior is a bonus.
I wish people would stop derailing this thread :P
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Wish granted! A cyborg from the future comes and begins terminating people wishing in this thread.
I wish for Mountain Dew.
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Wish granted. A fridge full of Mountain Dew falls out of the sky to crush you.
I wish for a post.
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Wish Granted! So many people post that it crashes not just the forums, but the internet as we know it. Luckily, the Internet As We Do Not Know It (IAWDNKI for short, still working on fixing the train-wreck of a name) appears. Again, unfortunately, the IAWDNKI enslaves the human race and destroys the universe (in that order).
I wish for X-treme Kool Letterz in my name.
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Wish Granted. Unfortunately, to everybody who reads them they just look like those square placeholder symbols.
I wish my bike wasn't vandalized.
-
Wish granted! someone else steals the bike so now it's no longer your bike.
I wish for there to be a World War 3 in which Canada wins
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Wish Granted! Canada, however, despite winning, suffers massive casualties and damage because the fighting occurs wholly on Canadian soil. People also shortly forget about Canada's victory when Canada is vaporized in an attack that no other country claims responsibility for minutes after the treaty is ratified to end the war.
I wish to travel to Cambridge in England.
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Wish granted. However, you are evicted from the town upon suspicion of drug smuggling and banned from england forever more.
I wish to see a movie tonight.
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Wish granted. It's a home movie. The one of your conception. *shudder*
I wish there were only 3 colors.
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Wish granted! The colors are blue, red, and yellow, from which a multitude of other colors are formed.
I wish for one copy of every D&D book printed.
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Wish Granted! They are all written in Chinese. If you can actually read chinese, then they're all written in ancient egyptian and you need the Rosetta Stone to read them.
I wish for whoever grants my wish to die a horrible death.
-
Granted. Cthulthu eats it, I'm writing from inside his belly as I digest. At least I was eaten first, now you have to live in a world of eternal nightmares as humanity slowly decays, and you go mad.
I wish I was an Elder Evil.
-
Wish Granted! Now in your late 80s, you are down on your luck after your band, Evil Petting Zoo, went down the drain. You mope around and constantly complain how life sucks now and how you would like nothing more than to relive "the good (evil) old days." (Yes, you are Scott Evil.)
I wish for lollerskates.
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Wish granted. You get japanese rollerskates. Unfortunately, they turn into a giant mecha that beats the crap out of you.
I wish I could kill people with a thought.
-
Wish Granted! Unfortunately, you fall into a catatonic stupor, unable to think even a single thought.
I wish to be able to break through steel unharmed.
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Wish granted. you can break through steel 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001" thick unharmed.
I wish Gumby and Friends was back on the air.
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Wish Granted! A tornado strikes every single location where copies of Gumby and Friends are located.
I wish for all sorts of sick, twisted, vile (but not sexual) things to occur to me that will undoubtedly drive me mad.
-
Wish granted. Unfortunately, the sick, twisted, vile things that occur to you are ALL sexual.
I wish I had better study habits.
-
You study for a few more hours a day. Unfortunately, you party hard the night before the exam and oversleep.
I wish to own a forest.
-
Wish granted, although the forest grows in your own house and chokes you to death against the cupboard door.
I wish for a giant pink elephant falling on top of the statue of liberty
-
Granted!
You get a giant pink elephant... no, bigger... bigger. Yeah, about the size of Texas falling on the statue of liberty. The impact destroys all life on the planet from the elephant meteor.
I wish meat which goes cold didn't get hard and/or chewy. Let it stay soft and delicious regardless how old it is.
-
Granted, but you get to see it up close, far too close. They never recover your remains.
I wish the cake isn't a lie.
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Wish granted! The cake is not a lie. In fact, you find youself in the Elemental Plane of Cake, where Elder Cake Elementals beat you senseless with freshly baked goodness. and leave you to to sufficate in a river of frosting.
I wish for all the greatest heroes and villains in human history to come back from the dead and be made to fight in Tournament-style battles to the death for the amusement of the masses.
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Wish Granted! The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny is held and Mr. Rogers wins. You're next...
I wish to have a safe place to hide from Mr. Rogers. :hide
-
Wish granted, you are sent to an extrademensional space about the size of a coffin. You are completely isolated from the rest of the universe and the rest of us, including Mr Rogers.
I wish a female elf would date me.
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Wish Granted! You date a Drow Priestess, who then proceeds to kill you after a particularly painful night of sex.
I wish to travel at ludicrous speed without experiencing negative effects for doing so.
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Wish granted! Relative to many mulisks(excluding cepholopods[did I spell that right?]) you are traveling at a ludicris speed.
I wish for an honorable death.
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Wish Granted! You die honorably. Unfortunately, because the world has become so morally ambiguous, no one cares and someone writes "Fuck you" on your tombstone and then proceeds to piss on it. Oh, and your family, which has secretly been evil all along, disowns you after your honorable death and denies your existence, as does everyone else. You fade into anonymity.
I wish for the power to shoot death beams out of my eyes that cannot kill me.
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Wish granted. Your death beams are a little too strong, and blow up the planet on which you stand. You are now choking to death, with no atmosphere.
I wish for a monkey
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Wish granted. You get a shocky monkey which uses its cattle prod to urge you to work nonstop and never lets you sleep.
I wish for a comic update.
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Wish granted! However, the comic that's updated is Archie, except without Veronica or Betty. Archie has a crush on Jughead.
I wish I could practice magic!
-
Granted, you practice with the Wish spell, using incredible power. However it turns out the DM of the universe is one of those screw over the player types, and your magic backfires, en masse.
I wish I had Samus's power suit (and the ability to wear and operate it, of course).
-
Wish granted! You do not, however, have her ship, so when Mother Brain blows up the planet, you're there for the show.
I wish materia existed.
-
Have a death materia...
I wish people knew who Ophiuchus was.
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Wish Granted! His serpent makes Ophiuchus well known ... by killing everyone in existence.
I wish to be a Zodiac Brave.
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Wish granted. You are now a Zodiac Brave, complete with Virgo, you become Velius and are summarily killed by Ramza. Have a nice day. :D
I wish they would make a new FFT that didn't suck (FFTA, I'm looking at you!)
-
Your wish is granted. The new FFT does not suck. It, in fact, does not exist.
I wish to shift New York to the middle of Mordor.
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Wish granted. No one even notice the difference.
I wish for a hot chocolate.
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Wish granted. A chocolate bar the size of a car and as hot as magma falls on you, melting you into nothing.
I wish I could shoot lasers out of my eyes, ala cyclops from X-men, except I can choose when to shoot them and when not to.
-
Wish granted. A chocolate bar the size of a car and as hot as magma falls on you, melting you into nothing.
I wish I could shoot lasers out of my eyes, ala cyclops from X-men, except I can choose when to shoot them and when not to.
Wish granted. You can now shoot lasers out of your eyes. While practicing with your lasers, you lose control and disintegrate your computer and lose all of your files. :D
I wish I was good at Chemistry.
-
I wish I was good at Chemistry.
Wish granted. You hone your skills by cooking up bathroom meth, which leads to an explosion and fire. Later, the DEA arrest your smoking corpse.
I wish for two more wishes.
-
Wish granted, you are now the proud owner of the worst Student Film Chick Flick "Two More Wishes"
I wish to be Jesus, not the son of god, but the Mexican guy that works at the taco bell down the street.
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Wish granted, you are now the proud owner of the worst Student Film Chick Flick "Two More Wishes"
I wish to be Jesus, not the son of god, but the Mexican guy that works at the taco bell down the street.
Wish granted! Your name is now Jesus and you speak fluent spanish. Unfortunately, your green card expires and you are deported to Cuba. The workers at Immigration got confused.
I wish I had a 24/hour masseuse at my beckoning call.
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Wish Granted, He Just happen to have only 1 arm, Weighs 437lbs, smells like bacon and cheddar, oh and he has got the hots for you. ;)
I wish for Pants
-
Wish Granted! They are torn down the middle and made of lead. Unfortunately, they have high level illusions on them so they appear normal. You later die of lead poisoning.
I wish for complete mastery of steak.
-
Wish granted! However, in your mastery of steak, you also master cholesterol and die of massive hemorrhaging.
I wish for world peace! :bs
-
Wish granted. There is world peace. On Mars.
I wish for chicken for dinner.
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Wish Granted! A colossal paragon monster of legend chicken Wizard 100 bursts through your door for your dinner party (why did you invite him, seriously?), wreaking havoc and killing everyone with his uber-epic spells of doom. Save and Still Die or Die.
I wish for people to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.
-
I wish for people to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.
That bad guy from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom shows up, sticks his hand into your stomache and takes out a sandwich. Which the then eats. After that, he takes out your heart for good measure and tosses you in a pit of lava.
I wish for better pants than Jabsco got.
-
Wish Granted! The military creates the Mark II version of those pants, even better for killing people. You die twice as quickly, with twice as much pain and suffering.
I wish for a new and functional scooter.
-
Wish granted. A brand new and fully functional baby named "Scooter" is delivered to you, along with the completed adoption papers. Be a good parent.
I wish pokemon were real. Even if that kills me, it'll still be epic and awesome :P
-
Wish Granted! Pokemon were real. That is, two of them were. Then they became extinct along with the dinosaurs.
I wish for a babysitter for Scooter. ;)
-
Wish Granted, The baby sitter is an Ex-Con, kills the baby and pins it on you.
I wish For a Painless Death.
-
(Oh, thank goodness, I thought I was going to have to take care of him.)
Wish Granted! You are executed by a man wielding the sword, Painless Death, the name of which is really a bad match for the sword considering the sword induces excruciating pain through stimulus of the sensory neurons in the body... The execution lasts four hours before you die of trauma from the pain.
I wish to be found innocent of killing the baby.
-
Wish Granted, After 50 years of But sex in Prison, Cold Case officers realize there mistake.
I wish for a computer running a post 2006 operating system, thats not Vista.
(also on another not, i wished for a painless death, Painless modifying Death, not the other way around, That Grammatically nullifies your wish granting. But ill accept it.)
-
(You wished for a Painless Death, in capital letters, making its use as a proper noun possible. I gave you a Painless Death [to the neck] via an executioner. Believe me, I thought it out. ;))
-
Wish granted, you now have a PC with an oprating system later than 2006, but it can only show a blanc screen and has no features except for paint :eh
I wish for my internet to never fail me again
-
Wish granted. Your internet never fails you again. It is so awesome that you begin to fail it and it eventually has the mafia snuff you out.
I wish I had a clone, like the clone spell in D&D, not a living one.
-
Wish granted you know have a perfectly looking clone of you as an embryo of 1cm in diameter! it slowly perishes before your eyes.
I wish for the Dutch soccer team to actually win a match
-
Wish granted. Your internet never fails you again. It is so awesome that you begin to fail it and it eventually has the mafia snuff you out.
I wish I had a clone, like the clone spell in D&D, not a living one.
You had a clone. Then you died, and now you have 2 lower Con. Your family saw your death, and think you are an imposter (what happened to all your scars?). You are locked in prison, and killed by a light tap to the head.
I wish for this statement to be a wish.
-
*cough - I was first - cough*
Wish granted you know have a perfectly looking clone of you as an embryo of 1cm in diameter! it slowly perishes before your eyes.
I wish for the Dutch soccer team to actually win a match
-
DOUBLE WISH GRANTING! Prime, your wish is granted. Your statement becomes a loophole wish which feeds power to other wishes, thereby granting Ieniemienie's wish which allows the Dutch soccer team to win a game... against 5 year olds. The crowd boos the jack-asses who pick on little kids.
I wish I had a mug (the size of a standard, human beer mug) of 2% milk. The kind from cows.
-
Wish granted! you now have a mug made out of 2% milk.. it is liquid though, so splashes and forms a puddle as soom as it appears.
I wish for the German soccer team to lose against the Polish Soccer team int he game they are currently playing with 2 minutes left
-
DOUBLE WISH GRANTING! Prime, your wish is granted. Your statement becomes a loophole wish which feeds power to other wishes, thereby granting Ieniemienie's wish
Hey, nothing bad happened to me :P
-
Wish granted! you now have a mug made out of 2% milk.. it is liquid though, so splashes and forms a puddle as soom as it appears.
I wish for the German soccer team to lose against the Polish Soccer team int he game they are currently playing with 2 minutes left
Unfortunately, the football gods ignored you completely.
I wish for a large pile of gold to land on my neighbors house.
-
Wish granted! However, your neighbors, using powerful divinations, looked forward in time, saw you make this wish, and prepared accordingly. The gold falls, and is caught by a gigantic robotic alligator they built while you were sleeping. The Robo-Gator then proceeds to stomp on your house, crushing all you know and love in it's alligator might.
I wish I didn't have to write this stupid book review for my history class... :grave
-
Wish granted. Your mom, feeling sorry for her poor overworked little child, decides to write the report for you... Unfortunately, she's dyslexic and ends up landing you a D- on the book report. This causes the teacher to think that you are dyslexic, and signs you up for extra unnecessary classes that not only eat up your free time after school, but also force you to write extra book reports. :D
I wish I could learn rules, theories, and "how to" stuff really quickly and have the memory to retain it all for years!
-
Wish Granted, You learn all those thing very fast, but you go blind, Deaf, and Dumb. Now learning is just has hard as before.
I wish for laundry money. (no job sucks)
-
Wish granted. You have laundry money, which is only accepted at the laundromat. Unfortunately all your laundry spontaneously combusts.
I wish I owned a lightsaber and didn't inadvertantly die or become injured because of this wish.
-
Wish Granted, to bad its crystal burns out. now you have a paper weight.
-
I wish that DectectiveJabsco would come up with another wish so that we could keep playing the game... :P
-
Gee, way to go Jabsco. :clap Someone stab him with the paper weight.
-
Wish granted! Jabsko was thinking so hard of his wish that his head exploded and his family died int he blast as well since they were all watching tv on the couch.
I wish for me to completely understand 4th edition without having to read the books
-
Wish granted. Your complete understanding reveals that the game is a shallow de-evolution of what D&D should be and you promptly refuse to ever mention/discuss it again.
I wish for SPOON.
-
There is no spoon. Wish fails.
I wish for an alien race to colonize the moon.
-
Wish granted. Aliens colonize the moon and slowly strip mine it of everything of valie (re: cheese) and then move on, sending the moon hurtling into earth, killing everyone.
I wish someone would smite stratovarius for continually not granting wishes in a twisted way, which is the entire point of this thread. :P
-
Wish granted. But before it happens, an obscure Animal Man villain merges you and Stratovarius into one being, and you are both smitten.
I wish I could remember where that website dedicated to finding an incorruptible wish was :weep
-
Wish granted! You remember where the website was, but you aren't able to access it until you forget again...
I wish that there weren't so many idiots on the internet.
-
Wish granted! The idiots are no longer on the internet, but living in your home with you.
I wish I didn't need sleep and could function perfectly without it.
-
Wish Granted! You are now a perfectly functioning, sentient manual typewriter. You have no ability to move your parts or communicate, however.
I wish that I had the powers of the Human Torch, from the Fantastic Four, along with the ability and desire to control them properly.
-
Wish granted! You have the power to generate and control flames, but only against forum trolls.
I wish that multiclass in 4e don't suck.
-
You find the awesomeness that is Divine Oracle for a wizard, Ranger for a Rogue, and Blood Mage for anything that can move people. However, this sudden influx of awesome overwhelms your neural system, and you go into a coma.
I wish more songs were awesome
-
Wish granted. More songs are awesome to you, because you are now tone deaf and can't tell any better. :P
(trying again) I wish for SPOON.
-
Wish granted. A 350 pound hairy guy named Dudley comes up behind you and starts spooning you.
I wish that I could walk in high heeled shoes flawlessly.
-
Wish Granted! You're now 3 inches (about 7 cm) tall and able to walk inside almost any high-heeled shoes, or any other shoes sized for regular folks, without any trouble whatsoever.
I wish that the TV show 'Firefly' hadn't been canceled.
-
Wish granted. It wasn't cancelled. But the original cast was murdered by a sociopath and the only replacements the company could afford was muppets. Enjoy your Muppet Firefly. :P
I wish I didn't have to work and they still paid me.
-
Wish granted. You get paralyzed (from the neck down) from a freak accident at work. You won't ever have the use of functioning limbs again, but luckily, you get workers comp for it.
I wish I could speak with animals.
-
Wish Granted, Too bad animals have nothing worth while to say.
I wish i would have remembered to make a wish last time.
-
Wish Granted! The paradox of you remembering to wish while having forgotten to wish destroys your memory of remembering to wish. Darn time paradoxes!
I wish I was cool too!
-
Wish Granted, Your in a perpetual state of Coolness, that is to say not to hot but not to cold.
I wish, through no ones death, not mine or any others, or injury, or discomfort, and with no personal cost, I could spontaneously generate at my will exactly 1 pound of real cake or pie that was untarnished, permanent, neither toxic nor deadly to anyone or anything, was eatable, delicious to everyone, was easily accessible to myself and anyone else, and worth my time.
-
Wish granted. The cake or pie always tastes like cow dung. And thanks to your wish, everyone finds the taste of cow dung delicious.
I wish I did not find the taste of cow dung delicious.
-
Wish Granted, Your now the only person who hates the tastes and get mocked constantly.
I wish i was not so awesome at making the best wishes ever!
-
Wish Granted! ... :eh
I wish to have a better car.
-
Wish Granted, Best car of all time, from planets and minds beyond ours, and so is its fuel supply.
I wish for people to grant my wishes funnier
-
Wish Granted! You actually make interesting wishes, much to the shock and surprise of all in this thread (seriously, wishing for an amusing granting...), which, in turn, causes them to suspect that you are actually an Aleax. With only one way to be sure, we all attempt to kill you. Unfortunately, Stratovarius finally comes back and beats everyone else (literally) to the kill... with his paperweight. Oh, it turns out you weren't an Aleax, too, so Stratovarius didn't get any nifty benefits from killing you.
I wish to know why my gameology-fu dropped when I was not even on the forum (seriously, it dropped sometime in the past two days when I lacked internet access: 0=>1=>2=>1=>2=>1=>0 has been my gameology-fu without any explanation, and I don't post often enough in the CO area to actually be posting inaccurate information or advice, so I can only assume someone thinks I'm an asshole, and would very much like to know who, if only so that we may agree to disagree [or, at best, so that I might try to improve myself in whatever aspect that person detests]).
-
Wish granted! The one behind such thing is Pun-Pun. He was playing with you. Now that you know what he did, he is coming after you.
I wish I could graduate from college without doing anything.
-
Wish granted. You graduate from the Failures' School of Failing....where you graduate by failing.
I wish for California to fall into the ocean.
-
Wish Granted! California falls off into the Pacific Ocean during your trip to San Francisco.
I wish for a kitty.
-
Wish granted. Kitty "Shadowcat" Pryde of the X-Men falls madly in love with you, but while hugging you, she accidentally phases you to the centre of the Earth.
I wish for this statement to be a wish.
(again :D)
-
Wish Granted! Your stated wish magically transforms into a wish...for me! In an unrelated note, a meteor falls on your car.
I wish to be clever.
-
Wish granted! You go from being below human average to average cleverness. You life changes little.
I wish I had better game.
-
Wish granted. Your game is undeniable and awesome... with giraffes.
I wish that my girlfriend was able to get enough sleep each night and that whatever twist happens affects me and not her.
-
Wish Granted! She becomes virtually comatose, sleeping forever. Luckily, she also becomes somnambulatory, so she can still function (at a job, etc.) while asleep. Unfortunately, because she's always asleep, she doesn't pay any attention to you and your relationship quickly withers. You despair and commit suicide.
I wish to ace my Latin final (the last final I have to take for this year) with no impact on the finals I already took.
-
Wish granted. You ace your final, unfortunately since every other grade you've gotten in that class was an F, your teacher accuses you of cheating and you are summarily dismissed from school and become a homeless man on the street, where you later die of gangrene.
I wish cats had opposable thumbs.
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Wish granted! Cats quickly become better at most jobs than humans, and slaughter us with kitty-kung-fu.
I wish I get a motorcycle, and nothing physically or mentally bad happens to me because of it.
-
Wish granted. You ace your final, unfortunately since every other grade you've gotten in that class was an F, your teacher accuses you of cheating and you are summarily dismissed from school and become a homeless man on the street, where you later die of gangrene.
(Thank goodness that actually doesn't make sense since I already got my other grades back, including 98% on the midterm, etc.)
Wish Granted! Your motorcycle slides on a patch of ice, killing dozens (yes, dozens!) of ice-skaters. You suffer no physical or mental harm (even though you should be traumatized by the accidental murder of dozens (yes, dozens!) of ice-skaters) but are arrested. Your financial status suffers when you re-enter the world years later to find yourself incompatible with new technologies.
I wish for fish.
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Wish Granted! You are now the proud owner of a room-temperature, week dead red herring! Lucky you!
I wish I could make a useful wish.
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Wish Granted! After figuring out that the red herring was actually a red herring in more than one meaning, and discovering my true purpose, I find out that I am supposed to help you make a useful wish... I do that. Unfortunately, we end up killing millions in the process, including you. I live and become a successful man. I'm so awesome. :couch
I wish to be more awesome than I currently am (which is very awesome).
-
Wish granted. You become more awesome than you already are. Unfortunately, since your body is not used to the large quantities of win flowing through it, your body spontaneously combusts... Leaving you as a really gross and totally awesome puddle of goo.
I wish I didn't crave junk food all of the time.
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Wish granted! You don't crave it anymore, you have a strange disease that lets you only eat junk food.
I wish I wan't moving.
-
Wish granted. You are petrified.
I wish everyone showed up to work their own job at the time that they are scheduled to be there.
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Wish Granted! Everyone shows up, but no one actually does any of their work, including the people that normally do so.
I wish for comforting reassurance.
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Wish granted: aftercrescent gets comforting reassurance.
I wish Nox_Noctis had a Death Note which cannot affect me, though this is a quality of the Death Note and not because I myself have changed in any way.
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Wish Granted! Nox_Noctis now has a Death Note that by its very wording is unable to affect Prime32 or any of his aliases. He then gives it as partial payment to the hit-man.
I wish to be a genius.
-
Wish granted! You now are a genius. With your genius-level intelligence, you decide to become a scientist. A Mad Scientist (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MadScientist), to be exact. Sadly, this means you are now also the villain in some horribly clichéd plot and get offed by a similarly clichéd hero for being Always Chaotic Evil (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AlwaysChaoticEvil).
I wish for this wish to have no negative consequences for me.
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I wish for this wish to have no negative consequences for me.
Wish granted: Your wish has no positive consequences for you either, though it does makes everyone else in the world become happier.
I wish Nox_Noctis, as an immortal, guarded me from all current and future negative consequences of wishes (using a Death Note which can only be used by him and cannot affect me, though this is a quality of the Death Note and not because I myself have changed in any way) and did not interfere with me in any other way.
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Wish Granted. Nox_Noctis forevermore guards you from negative consequences of wishes... but not from being killed by me because I was annoyed at how happy everyone is now.
I wish for Nox's Death Note.
-
I wish for Nox's Death Note.
Wish granted: You get Nox's Death Note... and its attached shinigami, who kills you in annoyance.
I wish Nox_Noctis, as an immortal, guarded me from all current and future negative events which happen to me or a group including me (using a Death Note which can only be used by him and cannot affect me, though this is a quality of the Death Note and not because I myself have changed in any way) and did not interfere with me in any other way.
-
Wish granted. Some very determined individual slightly resembling me travels back in time and screws up your life. The past is fair game, after all.
I wish for a Candle of Invocation.
-
Wish granted. You loose it on your way home.
I wish for... a PDA.
-
Wish Granted! A Prototype Dinosaur Android rips you apart, resulting in your death. To add cruelty to the situation, even the PDA suffers because it has incredibly short arms and cannot reach your corpse to feed on it (and, unlike the tyrannosaurus rex, is oddly incapable of bending forward to rip the flesh from you with its teeth).
I wish to be relieved of this empty feeling that resulted when I took the Latin final exam and felt like I was a deer caught in the headlights (seriously, I think I just got a D in the class because of that final, meaning I'll need to take its equivalent course during the summer session since I need it for my major, not to mention to huge impact that will have on my GPA, thus effecting my graduate college decisions, etc. Oh, and my personal goal of making Dean's List all 12 quarters is ruined... This should have probably gone in the venting thread, but it's too late).
-
Wish granted! The feeling is gone--as is $40 for all the pot you had to smoke to feel that way. In other news, Adult Swim on Cartoon Network is now your favorite use of your time.
I wish the dent in my car was wholly fixed.
-
Wish granted. In fact, the dent is fixed so thoroughly and perfectly that its sheer fixedness opens a rift in space-time that swallows your car, your house, and your dog.
I wish to find the Candle of Invocation I lost earlier after wishing for it.
-
Wish Granted! ...Except you lose it again (you're actually cursed to always lose it whenever you obtain one).
I wish to Relax. (Yes, that's a reference to the song title.)
-
I wish to Relax.
Don't do it!
-
"I like this song"
"Of course you do"
-
I wish to Relax. (Yes, that's a reference to the song title.)
Wish Granted! You just do it. Unfortunately, the entire thread collapses upon itself as a result. Good Job, mate!
I wish the thread was resurrected!
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I wish the thread was resurrected!
Your wish is granted! The thread is resurrected...but as a zombie thread!
"Brains, BRAINS!" it cries.
I wish more people would use the EZ mode wish verbiage to ensure their wishes never got corrupted; i.e. 'I wish for the thing I want' as per my interpretation, no one else's.'
-
Well, since Slate didn't post a wish... :P
Wish granted. The thread is resurrected, but it gives you herpes simplex 2. Don't ask how, it just does.
I wish for a vat of unflawed, chocolate peanutbutter that I can eat at my leisure and without anyone or anything disturbing me and my bliss.
-
Crap you caught me editing!
This truly IS a corrupted thread!
-
Well, since Slate didn't post a wish... :P
Wish granted. The thread is resurrected, but it gives you herpes simplex 2. Don't ask how, it just does.
I wish for a vat of unflawed, chocolate peanutbutter that I can eat at my leisure and without anyone or anything disturbing me and my bliss.
Wish Granted! You have a vat of Ghiradelli's new flavor, chocolate with peanut butter, making you realize the complete ignorance of the company in not realizing that combination sooner (seriously, every other chocolate company has done it before...). As a result, you go on a violent rampage, only to be taken down by the San Francisco police department in a brutal gun-fight.
I wish to be captain of a bear-fighting hover-car (it's probably best not to ask; you would know if you were at the Stevenson graduation for UC Santa Cruz on Sunday).
-
Wish Granted! While test driving your brand new bear-fighting hover-car, you swerve to miss a rabbit and crash into a sequoia tree near the Mystery Spot. The combination of improbabilities creates a singularity, dropping you out of the time-space continuum. As a result, you discover warp-drive. As a side-effect, you die. Painfully.
I wish my girlfriend would let me name our kid Dexterity.
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Wish Granted! When she begins to develop as a woman, boys at school begin cracking jokes like, "Dude, I got so much Dexterity. Did you get a lot of Dexterity?" You realize the error of your ways, too late, and commit suicide. Your wife is stricken with grief, but manages to work through it by angrily shouting, "I told you so," at your grave. Unfortunately, she is locked up for possible psychosis after shouting at a dead person. Your daughter is then left without parents at a vulnerable age. In a twist of dramatic irony, she becomes a prostitute, thus making the boys' comments unexpected prophesies of the truth. To add insult to injury, your daughter contracts HIV and dies of AIDS a few years later.
I wish to recover from my death.
-
Wish Granted! You are now of the Deathless type. You get taken out. again. By an adventuring group led by an ignorant and overzealous, now ex-, paladin.
I wish that my wishes wouldn't backfire, yet still work.
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Wish Granted: Your wishes your without backfiring, but only in the context of a virtual world where you are coding and scripting everything that happens, having the power of God at your disposal. Unfortunately this power does not transfer to real life.
I wish for a lucky penny.
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:lol @ Nox
Wish Granted! You are reanimated as a zombie, the slow, shuffling kind that can only say "Braaiiinnnsss". However, there is nowhere to shuffle, as you are still located somewhere beyond the scope of human comprehension and no one remembers you. Or cares.
Wish Granted! You now have the luckiest penny in the world! On your way home, you drop it, it rolls into the street, and as you dive for it a hover-car hits you. Since you managed to touch the penny, you live, but are trapped in a coma for the rest of your life, and unlife. Your mind is plagued forevermore by the asininess of the last wish you granted.
I wish Dex had been a guy....
-
Wish Granted, but he turns out the same, in the end.
I wish that my now god-like power did transfer to real life.
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Wish Granted! The magnitude of information that instantaneously flows into your mind causes your cranium to contract elephantitis. Your neck, being unable to support the weight of your bulbous skull, snaps and you crumple to the ground. Your head bounces off a random unlucky penny, and pops like a melon onto the sidewalk. Kids scream as mothers shield their eyes from your hideousness. Finally, a cat pees on your bloated corpse.
I wish people would grant wishes in more interesting ways.
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Wish Granted! After this, any wish granter will come to your location and enact the wish granting that previously had only been online. You, briefly, live in interesting times.
I wish that the cat hadn't peed on my bloated corpse.
P.S. Greater detail to Irthos's wish granting: Dex grows with the ambition to be an lingerie model. You commit suicide. Your girlfriend/wife is institutionalized and your son takes to prostitution for survival, eventually becoming hooked on teletubbies and dying of syphilis.
-
Damn, I was gonna make a Parkinson's joke about the child named Dexterity but thought it was too racy to be made about someone's actual child. I was wrong.
-
This is CO :sparta .... on BG! *looks for G0 to kick into a pit*
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Wish Granted! Time reverses itself, and the cat does not, in fact, pee on your bloated corpse. Instead, it drags it to its kittens, which begin to gorge themselves on your inner organs, via the gaping hole in your skull.
I wish Optimator would post his granting of wishes! Dexterity will LIVE!!!
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Wish granted! Optimator posts his granting of wishes and Dexterity lives! Only as it turns out Dexterity is the name of the irate squirrel that persistently throws nuts at your window while you're trying to get to sleep.
I wish I was more proficient at gardening.
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Wish Granted! The obscene profits you manage to earn gardening arouse suspicion and you are hung as a witch.
*Clicks heels three times* There's no place like - I wanna be a witch!
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I wanna be a witch!
Wish granted! You are now Poppy Pomfrey, school nurse at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and witch extraordinaire.
I wish I knew how to wield a sword.
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Wish Granted! Because of your rare skill, you are sent to the front lines by some under-developed nation. You are then shot and killed on the battlefield. It's a shame.
I wish life was like a water slide.
-
Wish granted. It was a blast, and then it ended, all in 23 seconds.
I wish I had a philosophical wish.
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Wish Granted! You inevitably philosophize yourself out of existence.
I wish for a massive parachute.
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Wish granted! As you put on your parachute, you are crushed by twelve tons of silk.
I wish I could fly.
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Wish Granted! Your flying is rather off-and-on unfortunately, which you soon realize shortly after testing your new cool power above the Grand Canyon.
I wish to what the human appendix was originally for.
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Wish Granted. The human appendix was for digesting plant materials, but now the diet of Humans has changed, it digests its way through your intestines like a mad bear and you die a long painful death.
I wish to have and be able to use effectively the Druid spellcasting ability
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Wish Granted! Unfortunately, the cost of making two wishes at once is immense: the first spell you tried casting caused your eyes to melt, your legs to shrivel, and then you spontaneously combusted. On the bright side, the forest now looks amazing, with many thanks to you.
I wish for a shovel.
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Wish Granted! Your new shovel will be delivered directly to your brain.
I wish I had a steady source of income.
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Wish Granted! Your new shovel will be delivered directly to your brain.
I wish I had a steady source of income.
Wish granted! You now earn some crums of bread from the hobo next to you every day!
I wish for a cool DnD map situated at the riverside
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Wish granted! Your awesome new DnD map appears next to the river, which immediately floods, completely ruining your shiny map. And killing thousands.
I wish my dog didn't hate me.
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Wish Granted! You dog doesn't hate you, but still bites you every chence he gets!! In addition, all the other dogs have also mastered the art of biting you.
I wish for a supercalifragilistic icercreamcone cupholder
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Wish Granted!... but it's super-(Cali)-fragile-so-it-explodes-when-you-touch-it.
I wish for permanent, irrevocable, extremely good luck. :D
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Wish Granted! definition of luck: What the other bowler always has but you, never. So now the other guy always has it, but you don't and will most probably die a horrible death!
I wish for a horrible death!
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Wish granted! While acting in a movie, you get scripted into a horrible death. The death was so lame however, that you are never hired again.
I wish Jack Thomson never got into law school.
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Wish Granted, Jack Thomson never got into law school but instead runs large protests of insanely devoted Christians who kill anyone who doesn't agree with them
We need to break our vow of speaking in royal plural for the wishing of this wish.
I wish that I, Samuel John Bernstein, could alter reality and my life to match my standards of perfect. If my standards of perfect change, then reality and my life will change to match those standards. This wish cannot render me incapable of having the ability of having standards and cannot kill me or harm me in any way, shape, or form. The wish cannot change my standards or personality and I will always remember previous realities and lives that have since changed to fit my current one. Should I die, I shall return to life and sent back to the start of the latest change to my life and reality. No other entity or being can have the ability to change reality and/or my life. This wish can also not cause my death even if I wish so and suicide will not work. The wish cannot alter reality and/or my life unless I wish it to. This wish will actually effect reality and my life and not be a figment of my imagination, a hallucination, or any other way that it would not be real. This wish also allows me to do what would be impossible to anyone else by changing reality. I will have full understanding and control of my power. If I die before any change to my life and reality are made, then i shall come back to life in my perfect life/reality.
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Wish Granted! (Even though that was more like 10 wishes and I should just punish you for that...) Unfortunately, a being of unreality comes and entraps you in a very unreal stasis chamber. Because you can only change reality, you're totally screwed (and comatose).
I wish people would understand you're supposed to make one wish at a time.
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Wish Granted!... but several people simultaneously wish you dead for stopping their fun. You are killed, then whatever part of you that could be considered alive is killed.
I wish I had food at my house so I would have to go out and buy it.
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Wish Granted! Incidentally, your family becomes cannibalistic. You make excellent food though.
I wish for a orange blob.
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Wish Granted! (Even though that was more like 10 wishes and I should just punish you for that...) Unfortunately, a being of unreality comes and entraps you in a very unreal stasis chamber. Because you can only change reality, you're totally screwed (and comatose).
I wish people would understand you're supposed to make one wish at a time.
It was one VERY long and VERY complicated wish. And, if it is unreal, then we are unaffected by it.
[qoute author=Nox-Noctis]
I wish for a orange blob
[/qoute]
Wish Granted, but it is an orange blob of grammar and kills you for using "a" before a word beginning with a vowel instead of "an"
We wish we did not speak in royal plural
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Wish Granted! (Even though that was more like 10 wishes and I should just punish you for that...) Unfortunately, a being of unreality comes and entraps you in a very unreal stasis chamber. Because you can only change reality, you're totally screwed (and comatose).
I wish people would understand you're supposed to make one wish at a time.
It was one VERY long and VERY complicated wish. And, if it is unreal, then we are unaffected by it.
[qoute author=Nox-Noctis]
I wish for a orange blob
[/qoute]
Wish Granted, but it is an orange blob of grammar and kills you for using "a" before a word beginning with a vowel instead of "an"
We wish we did not speak in royal plural
Wish Granted! You, not being of high office or importance, can no longer use the plural majestatis. If you do, you will be shot and then questioned.
I wish for a laser tissue.
As an aside, your "complicated" wish was actually multiple wishes because all the other contingencies were not part of the original effect, but actually separate effects modifying the main effect.
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Wish Grant; but you are burned to death when you try to use the tissue
I/We wish for the granter of this wish to live a long happy life.
The wish had a lot of clauses, not extra wishes. We cede that many of the clauses could be wishes on their own, but in this case, they were just melded together into one big contract-esq wish. Can we stop debating it now as for peace to ring through the thread?
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Wish Granted! I live a long and happy life by draining your body and soul into a phylactery and sipping on it like a cherry Coke. Your shriveled corpse decorates the dashboard of Dexterity's car, keeping him from childhood torment.
I wish I had enough money to move my girlfriend out here.
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I wish I had enough money to move my girlfriend out here.
Wish granted: You gain great wealth, and to top it off, your girlfriend decides to get married! Unfortunately, she then divorces you, and gets all the money.
I wish to have the combined deductive abilities of Batman, L and Sherlock Holmes.
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Wish granted ! You immediately figure out who is REALLY in charge and what they are doing. They have you tracked down, tortured and killed.
I wish my toenails would quit growing.
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Wish Granted! You are vaporized. Simply cutting your toes off with a saw wouldn't have worked because your nails continue to grow even after death, so I apologize for having to use such drastic measures.
I wish for hundreds of inspiration points.
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Wish granted! You now have so many inspiration points that the DM is unable to balance you with the rest of his game and has you killed in a very humorous and imaginative fashion, such as being eaten by a den of badgers that work as clowns at children's parties.
I wish that my CO skills rivaled those of the best CO-ers here.
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Wish Granted! Unfortunately, like so many television show and cartoon rivals before you, you are constantly beaten and humiliated by the main character and no one appreciates you.
I wish for Spaceballs, the Flamethrower!
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Wish granted! However since the targeting system is so cheaply made, you only manage to get severely debilitating burns while accidentally setting fire to your home and your neighbor's dog. At least you hit the dog.
I wish for the ability to use a whip like Indiana Jones.
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Wish granted. You can use a whip like no one else alive, unfortunately, one day as you are showing off your abilities, someone shoots you. You die.
I wish I didn't live in interesting times.
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Wish granted! Because the times are in fact interesting you die.
I wish more people knew that we are now at peak oil.
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Wish granted. They are all part of the oil cartels and hide this fact from the populace at large.
I wish this thread would get interesting ;)
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Wish granted! This thread turns into a Fighter and katana thread and a bunch of kids from the WotC forum migrate over. Enjoy.
I wish my room's skylights and my car had tinted windows.
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Wish granted! Your room has tinted windows as does your car. Unfortunately one day while driving you are pulled over by a cop for having illegal tinted windows. As the officer approaches the car he thinks he sees you going for a weapon, which you are not but because of the tint there is no way of telling, and opens fire. The resulting damage to your spinal cord and brain, however, cripples you for life. The resulting financial strain for your family is too great and they pull the plug shortly thereafter.
I wish I had advance tickets to see Wanted this weekend.
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Wish granted ! They are in the mail. You will probably get them next week. Or the week after. Or maybe never, knowing the US postal service.
I wish there were more books and stories by Robert Anson Heinlein that I haven't read.
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Wish granted! The untold stories are in the language that RAH described in which an entire concept is conveyed by one word. No one knows how to translate them.
I wish that I could transform between my human(ish) form and dragon form.
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I wish that I could transform between my human(ish) form and dragon form.
Wish granted. You transform into a dragon, but cannot change back. In addition, dragons are physically impossible in this world, so your body collapses under its own weight and catches fire. Then a cat pees on you.
I wish...
[spoiler][/spoiler]
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uh... Wish Granted! [spoiler][/spoiler], but everyone finds out anyway...
I wish I knew what his wish meant.
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Wish granted ! It drives you mad, instantly irrevocably mad ! You commit suicide by gorging yourself on uncooked rice and then drinking lots of hot water.
I wish that whenever I pay for something, I'll always have exactly that much money in my pocket.
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Wish Granted! You can feel that you have the correct amount of money in your pocket each time you pay for something, but you can't ever seem to get the money out to pay with...
I wish that I knew what I was doing in the physics lab.
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Wish granted! You now know what you're doing in the physics lab: NOTHING!!! That's because you're now paralyzed from the neck down. Hooray!
Well, I guess you could be blinking your eyes or talking in the physics lab... But let's not get too technical, kay?
I wish that I could get a bathroom break soon. I'm gonna piss myself if no one comes by within the next 20 minutes...
:scared
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Wish granted. You make it to the bathroom to find out it is, in fact, broken, and you piss yourself anyway... as everyone comes by... for the next 20 minutes.
I wish my glass had more beer in it.
:thought
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Wish Granted! It, and you along with it, are also public and are arrested for having an open drink container. After your arrest, the police drink the beer in front of you.
I wish to reverse Earth's gravity world-wide.
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Wish granted! The Earth turns inside out and now hollow world is on the outside, and ours is on the inside. You are trapped in a sealed cavern by the inversion.
I wish I knew what to do...
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Wish granted. You know what to do, but you're just physically incapable of doing it.
I wish movies cost less money to see in theaters.
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Wish granted! The movies in the theaters are cheaper, but suddenly they became terribly crappy, not worth viewing.
I wish to get a job.
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Wish granted! You spend the rest of your life shoveling crap.
I wish that my keyboard sucked less.
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Wish Granted; you keyboard now blows
I wish for that I could find a gaming group that plays Word Of Darkness but not as a LARP
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Wish granted! You find a group willing to play it, but only as a SPARP (Sock Puppet Action Role Playing)
My feet are already sufficiently hairy, so I wish I was 3 feet tall(but not midgetly proportioned) so I could be a hobbit.
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Wish granted; you become three feet tall and are run over by a 16-wheeler
I wish for a paradox
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Wish granted. You are not granted your wish!
I wish for an epiphany.
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Wish granted! Unfortunately, you were stoned, so you forget it when you come down.
I wish I could think of a wish.
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Wish granted; you think of the most amazing and glorious wish, one beyond the the imagination of any being or consciousness. As you reach your computer to wish, your head explodes from the sheer awesomeness of the wish.
I wish for the greatest wish in the all universes, realities, non-realities, demensions, and anywhere e;se is granted and benifits me.
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Wish Granted! (I think... Not to offend, but your syntax needs improvement.)
Your wish, drawn from all locations possible, is so great and beneficial to you, charging you with uber-1337 powers which you can never use or else you will explode and vanish from all existence.
I wish for a weasel.
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Wish Granted! An immortal weasel, impervious to all damage, appears and firmly and permanently attaches itself to your nose. You bleed profusely, due to its Attach(ex) ability, and require regular transfusions of blood. Your insurance declines to pay for the procedures, thus you are nearly bankrupted. For life.
I wish that I didn't look like my avatar.
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Wish granted! You now look like SixthDeclension's avatar. You spend the rest of your life with a bag over your head getting electrocuted in a chair. You don't really know if you still look like your avatar or not, considering the bag, but the people who put you in the chair said they did some plastic surgery. You can trust them because they said you could, but you're never really sure.
I wish I had a pet gorilla, except that it was the size of a small dog, so it was manageable.
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Wish granted. However, your small gorilla suffers from chronic depression due to constantly getting picked on and beat up by the full-sized gorilla's at gorilla school. You are forced to spend tens of thousands of dollars in animal therapy.
I wish I had some bacon and eggs for breakfast.
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Wish granted ! You are instantly teleported to a farm at the ass end of nowhere. There are pigs and chickens present, however, so you can eat all you want. Nobody ever believes you are an American though and you never make it back to civilization.
I wish for a shrubbery !
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Wish granted! The ogre shrubber, incidentally named Roger, arrives carrying a mature pyracantha (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyracantha) and gives you your choice of insertion points...
I wish I had known the capitol of Assyria when the old man with horrible teeth asked me.
-
Wish Granted! You knew it then but forgot by the time your brain could register the question, making you just as unable to help him.
I wish for lightning to rip the sky in half twice. :couch
-
Wish granted! Lightning splits the sky in half, twice. During the second time, it hits the plane that's supposed to take me to my destination. This pisses me off immensely, so I use my super powers to track you down and disembowel you. The sky heals back up afterwards and strikes your remains with a retalitory bolt of lightning.
I wish that I could teleport from place to place and not suffer any repercussions from this type of traveling...
-
Granted; but when you try teleporting you end up in floating in space with the earth speeding away from you. You are at the exact spacial coordinates you wished to reach though.
We wish that this wish did not be wished
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Wish Granted! The wish desires to not have been wished. It smacks you, quite hard, for wishing it. You have a hand shaped dent in your skull now.
I wish that I had skill with the sword.
-
Wish Granted ! You are now the most proficient swordsman in the state . . . but only with those little plastic swords that are served in mixed drinks with fruit on them.
I wish Firefly was brought back to TV.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, all TVs are destroyed and it is impossible to make new ones. The transmission of Firefly is still going on though.
I wish for a wish that will not be granted until it is wished granted by the granter
-
Wish gra ... there's a paradox
. Your wish was granted/not granted simultaneously and there's an awful bother. Your hung by your liver and lights till the Auditors figure out what to do with you.
I wish I was an eternally joyfull elephant.
-
Wish granted!
The elephant sits on your face and is You become a white elephant and are given to a lord of Thailand by the King. For the rest of your life you're given fruit and hay, paraded on alternate seasons. Although you are a captive now, you remain, astonishingly, very happy.
I wish for a screwdriver.
Edit: :blush
-
Wish granted; you get a drink with a dirty hand-tool in it, contract disease if you dare
I wish that for a wish to be granted in a way that negatively effects the granter and not the wisher
-
I wish that for a wish to be granted in a way that negatively effects the granter and not the wisher
I wish to be the wisher of that wish, and emissary the granter.
-
[spoiler]
Wish granted! The elephant sits on your face and is very happy.
I wish for a screwdriver.
Was not for. Wished I was, not for an elephant ;)[/spoiler]
-
I wish that for a wish to be granted in a way that negatively effects the granter and not the wisher
I wish to be the wisher of that wish, and emissary the granter.
You have to grant the wish before you can wish.
-
...let's get this ball rolling again...
I wish that for a wish to be granted in a way that negatively effects the granter and not the wisher
Wish granted! I only won $2k in the lottery instead of the $2 million...bummer. Completely unrelated is the fact that all your clothes have acquired the ability to become invisible, and they do so randomly and often at inopportune moments.
I wish my 4th Edition DnD gift set had arrived when it was originally scheduled.
-
Wish granted! They arrived in the right day, but they seem to have been munched by a troll....
I wish to learn how to do a Hadouken :D
-
Wish granted; Capcom wins a copyright suit against you and takes all of your money, the rights to your organs, your freedom, your soul, your free will, your girlfriend, your family, your dog, your cat, your fish, your bird, your food, your house, your cake, all your worldly possessions, your faith, your happiness, your cake, your cookies, your internet connection, and your hadouken
I wish that the granter of this wish will die and nothing detrimental shall happen to me
-
Okay...Moderator speaking now.
This is a game and is meant to be fun. These wishes that keep coming up that try to circumvent the spirit of the game, i.e. adding provisions that nothing bad happen, or that the wish doesn't get twisted, or that something bad happens to the grantor...stop making them. I don't know that it falls under the category of 'douchebagery', but could very possibly be considered 'asshatery'.
And now back to the game...
-
Okay...Moderator speaking now.
This is a game and is meant to be fun. These wishes that keep coming up that try to circumvent the spirit of the game, i.e. adding provisions that nothing bad happen, or that the wish doesn't get twisted, or that something bad happens to the grantor...stop making them. I don't know that it falls under the category of 'douchebagery', but could very possibly be considered 'asshatery'.
And now back to the game...
I think asshatery is just a small step from douchebaggery.
I'd listen to Kai if I were you.
-
Wish Granted...urk! *a ray of coruscating negative energy drains Chemus' last level, and he raises a day later as a wight* Well damn! Now, who should I repay for my predicament...?
I wish I were pretty.
-
Congradulations, you are now pretty to pigs
I wish for decent social skills
-
Wish granted! The elite of the pigs find you "absolutely darling" in social situations.
I wish the hockey season started today.
-
Wish Granted! You skip ahead in time to the first day of hockey season. But you dont know what you missed by skipping ahead.
I wish my mountain dew can would keep refilling itself every time I finished it.
-
Wish granted! It keeps refilling, but you're pretty sure Mountain Dew isn't supposed to be salty...
I wish that, while still a Wight, I were able to take advantage of the abilities I had in life.
-
Wish granted; but you disappear as reality realizes that Wights don't exsist
I wish that I was dead
-
Wish granted! Your heart stops beating and are pronounced legally dead before an over-zealous nurse defibralates you, returning you to existence.
I wish for a helmet.
-
Wish Granted! You cannot remove it and many people believe you are mentally retarded.
I wish my house was at least... three times bigger than this!
-
Wish Granted! Your new mobile home is a triple-wide! >:)
I wish being mentally retarded was cool.
-
Wish Granted! Being mentally retarded becomes the height of fashion. You, however, in your helmet that you can't remove are regarded as some sort of poseur, as you managed to impress someone with your wit once ;).
I wish that I existed again.
-
Wish granted; you exist in an alternate reality where everybody hates you for replacing their national hero by switching existance with him
I wish that I owned Chemus as a slave
-
I wish that I owned Chemus as a slave
Wish granted: As a slave, you own your master, Chemus, in Counter-Strike. He punishes you severely for it.
I wish that everyone in the world had photographic memories.
-
Wish granted; no one can remember audio, tactile, or olfactory sensations though
I wish I was not morbidly obsessed with the morbid
-
Wish granted! You become morbidly obsessed with sweet, tiny little girls, and are subsequently arrested and convicted as a sex offender.
I wish for more fireworks!
-
Wish Granted! The 2 pound pyrotechnics arrive at your home, fuses lit and ready to go. You have 45 seconds to decide what to do with them.
I wish for freedom!
-
Wish granted! You are released from confinement, but you still have to register for the rest of your life.
I wish for free booze tonight!
-
Wish granted! It's Swedish and good for you so it's free of flavour and alcohol and it only costs you 300 bucks.
I wish for an infinite credit at Chapters.
-
Wish Granted! However their accounting dept. notices the discrepancy, and you're arrested for theft and fraud. Your new friend Bubba is very happy with the new sleeping arrangements afforded by your company.
I wish I were able to evolve at the slightest provocation.
-
I wish I were able to evolve at the slightest provocation.
Wish granted! Unfortunately, despite what TV would tell you, evolution consists of passing on your best traits to your offspring. Whenever you are provoked, you painfully give birth to a child who is superior to you in every way, and will not listen to you.
I wish for pain.
-
Wish granted... except, your genie is a francophone. Thus, you receive bread. Lots and lots of bread.
I wish there is good quality beer at the party tonight.
-
Wish granted; there is good quality beer, but only one bottle, it has drunk by someone.
I wish that the granter of my wish becomes my slave
-
Wish granted. This wish was granted to you by proxy of the most disgusting, smelly and physically repulsive troll you've ever met.
I wish that asshats were punished more often.
-
They are. However, the definition of asshats is changed and now includes yourself for some reason.
I wish my lunch.
-
Wish grant; the granter interprets your wish as a bet and you lose, you may now never eat lunch again.
I wish that I remained dead
-
Wish granted! "For the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised (except for emissary666)" 1 Corinthians 15:52
I wish that I awake on time tomorrow, fully refreshed and ready to begin my day.
-
Wish Granted! You awake optimistic and and ready to start your day! However, the day isn't ready for you. A freak snowstorm (in July) blocks all roads and confines you to your home. You should've slept in.
I wish beer contained all essential nutrients and vitamins the equivalent of a full day of vegetables and fruit.
-
Wish Granted! You drink nothing but beer and thoroughly enjoy it until you become morbidly obese from the carbs.
I wish Diablo III and Starcraft II won't force me to drop out.
-
Wish Granted! No one's forcing you to do anything you don't want to. It's just that you don't find enough hours in the day anymore...
I wish that I were responsible.
-
Wish Granted! You are responsible for totalling your car and another car in the process. Your insurance skyrockets and you have to pay for repairs.
I wish to see no presidential ads in the coming months.
-
Wish granted; Bush decides that he wants to be dictator and makes it so
I wish for the power to granted wishes to people of my choosing
-
Wish granted! You have the power to grant wishes to people of your choosing, but not the training to access said power.
I wish for 2 nice, sunny days in the 70s (Fahrenheit) this week.
-
Wish Granted! The other five, which come first, kill you. The weather at your funeral is wonderfully pleasant.
I wish to put 30 pounds of muscle.
-
Wish granted! You gain thirty pounds of muscle. Unfortunately, the muscle mass you gained was all in your face. You look like a chipmunk now, but man, can you use that mandible of yours...
I wish that I could live in the forest, happily surviving and living amongst the wildlife.
-
Wish granted! You gain thirty pounds of muscle. Unfortunately, the muscle mass you gained was all in your face. You look like a chipmunk now, but man, can you use that mandible of yours...
I wish that I could live in the forest, happily surviving and living amongst the wildlife.
Wish granted. You're an earthworm who surfaces on a rainy day and there's a hungry bird swooping down at you. But you're happy suviving and living in the wildlife, especially in the rain.
I wish for world peace.
-
Wish granted (three days ago, damn uncontrollable power); everyone on earth is obliterated leaving no more war
I wish that my wish granting powers were completely uncontrollable.
-
Wish Granted! As you attempt to grant each wish, there is a twist. In many cases it's embarrassing to the wisher, in others it's uncomfortable to them, and in a few, such as with your granting of your own second wish, it's fatal to them.
I wish I had all the answers.
-
Wish Granted; you just don't know which answer goes to what question
I wish for a wish that will grant a fish
-
Wish Granted; you just don't know which answer goes to what question
I wish for a wish that will grant a fish
Wish granted: The wish grants a fish... a wish. Years later, there was still no-one who ever worked out what happened to you.
I wish for an assassin to travel back in time and kill the granter of this wish before it is granted.
-
I wish for an assassin to travel back in time and kill the granter of this wish before it is granted.
Are we really going to start this garbage again?
-
Wish Granted; you just don't know which answer goes to what question
I wish for a wish that will grant a fish
Wish granted: The wish grants a fish... a wish. Years later, there was still no-one who ever worked out what happened to you.
I wish for an assassin to travel back in time and kill the granter of this wish before it is granted.
Wish granted! Why the hell did you have that assassin come after me? True Resurrection isn't cheap to come by ya know!
I wish I could control physics.
-
wish granted; you have no control over your powers and end up killing yourself in the most creative way possible, your death shall be remembered for generations as the most creative death ever
I wish that th granter of this wish is granted a wish
-
Wish granted. But your wish will be granted by a being embodying the wish-granting rules of this forum.
I wish Terry Pratchett was well and would write more Discworld.
-
Wish Granted! However, since he had to be mildly insane in order to write the Discworld series as he did, his newfound health precludes similar writings. Discworld becomes vanilla High Fantasy.
I wish I were King.
-
Wish granted. You are now the king of the land of eternal stench! If you don't get my reference I'll...
Explain it to you:
*mutters* (If you touch the water-I guess it's water?-that's in the swamp, then you'll forever smell like it, and it smells really, really bad) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labyrinth_(film) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labyrinth_(film))
I wish that I could eat a tub of frosting without gaining weight from it...
-
Wish Granted; you die from too much sugar
I wish that I knew what to wish for
-
Wish granted! You always know what to wish for, but never until it's already too late.
I wish for a cheeseburger.
-
Wish Granted! However, it comes with a lolcat (http://www.icanhascheezburger.com) attachment.
I wish I had a sense of humor.
-
wish granted; you now have a horribly bad sense of humor, your friends family and co-workers hate you for it
I wish that this wish is granted
-
I protest ! He already had a horrid sense of humor.
Oh well, while I'm here . . . Wish Granted !
I wish I could find Callahan's Place.
-
Wish granted. Unfortunately, the granter doesn't know where Callahan's Place is and so sent you to the USS Callaghan, where you are arrested for spying...
I wish Sirperry would change his avatar :D
-
Wish Granted! He would if he were held at gunpoint. But, as he is not, he does not.
I wish to explode in a fiery burst of unending doom and destruction and rage and the power of a thousand suns. >_>
-
Wish granted. A few minutes before, however, you were cursed so you can only ever die of old age. At least now you know how it is to be in a thousand places at once. Literally.
I wish for a pop culture reference.
-
Wish granted; Jason kills you.
I wish that I was granted two wishes
-
Wish granted. However, since you didn't specify what was to be done with your second wish, I'll make it for you.
I wish emissary666 had a pony.
-
Em666 gets a pony. No strings attached. It is the first wish in this entire thread that worked exactly as intended. Em666 got a pony.
I wish I could see TWS' face when he read the above :D
-
Wish granted; you could see TWS' face, but that would require being in the same room at the exact second he read the post, but you missed your chance.
I wish for my Gleemax account to work (I have unfinished PbPs on there)
-
Wish Granted! It works as long as you are more than six-hundred feet but less than 1,000 feet away from it and on an overlapping reality with three more dimensions than the square root of the number of hermaphrodites you know (not the number you know that you know ;)).
I wish to shred with my mighty ax.
-
Wish granted, your Dwarven Battle-Axe can none be used to slice opponents into tiny shreds.
I wish I had some sort of self-centered Wi-Fi field.
-
Wish granted! You have a field of Fidelity surrounding you that does not require wires.
You are quickly determined to a good, but really boring guy.
I wish more people played Septerra Core.
-
Wish granted; they all hate it though and decide to kill you for forcing them to play it
I wish to be better at Unreal Tournament 3
-
Wish Granted! You spend the next 4 years in front of the Tv getting better and better. Unfortunately, by that time, no one wants to play it anymore...and you cant move since you've been there so long.
I wish that Dungeon Master for Dummies wasnt such an amazing book.
-
Wish Granted; It already sucks
I wish that there was a book that made making campaign worlds easier
-
Your wish is granted:
The book you want is written
In an unknown script.
I wish my musings
Would lean toward pentameter
Rather than haiku.
-
Wish Granted; the word pentameter is changed to mean haiku
I wish that Metal Gear Solid 4 came out on the Xbox 360
-
Wish granted. Metal Gear Solid 4 comes out for the Xbox 360 the same day you go bankrupt and your Xbox 360 breaks.
I wish aftercrescent would come here and play Magic with me so I could test out my decks. :pout
-
Wish granted. Metal Gear Solid 4 comes out for the Xbox 360 the same day you go bankrupt and your Xbox 360 breaks.
I wish aftercrescent would come here and play Magic with me so I could test out my decks. :pout
Aftercrescent arrives. Unfortunately, the only deck he brought with him was ChannelBall.
Magic players get this.
I wish I could travel backwards in time.
-
Aftercrescent arrives. Unfortunately, the only deck he brought with him was ChannelBall.
Magic players get this.
[/quote]
He might as well... He has a deck with Vigor in it, and if I don't get rid of that card immediately, the game is over. :pout
-
Wish granted; as you travel backwards, you become younger and forget future knowledge, you eventually travel out of exsistence.
-
Wish granted; as you travel backwards, you become younger and forget future knowledge, you eventually travel out of exsistence.
...I see my wish granting duties have already been taken care of so...
I wish I was great at art of some kind (sculpture, painting, etc.).
-
...I see my wish granting duties have already been taken care of so...
I wish I was great at art of some kind (sculpture, painting, etc.).
Wish granted! With your newfound skill at marble sculpture, you attempt a colossal abstract piece. Unfortunately, your skill at constructing scaffolding has suffered, and your masterpiece falls on you, uncompleted.
I wish I had someone to play Super Smash Bros. Brawl with.
-
Wish granted; your Wii gains super human intelligence and plays SSB with you. Its knowledge of everything in the game makes it win at all times until it becomes bored with you and decides to kill you
I wish for POWERTHIRST (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs)
-
Wish Granted! You have so many babies! Four-hundred babies! You are then arrested for failing to pay alimony to your four-hundred partners.
I wish to run as fast as bull [/end Russian accent].
-
Wish Granted! Unfortunately, the bull gets his wish and runs faster than a bull.
I wish I had game.
-
Wish Granted! You have play-by-post games you can apply to.
Can I has minions? (I wish I could has minions.)
-
Wish granted! You have all of my minions you could wish for... which is many more than you can handle. You are quickly overcome.
I wish this coffee was stronger.
-
Wish Granted! It's actually Chuck Norris in disguise! He kills you even before the surprise round begins.
I wish the upper registry of my voice wasn't so limited (bass here).
-
Wish granted! Along with a broader vocal range, you develop full breasts, child-bearing hips, and a confused sexual identity.
I wish I knew who pilfered my Players Handbook and Player's Handbook 2 so I can retrieve them and join a 3.5 pbp game.
-
Wish Granted! You succeeded on your Spot check to notice them stealing it. Of course, they still stole it with their Sleight of Hand check, so it doesn't much matter, especially considering they also stole all of your equipment, clothing, and pride.
I wish I wasn't so (apparently sexually) confused. ;)
-
Wish Granted! You're now a fully realized hermaphrodite and can have endless hours of fun, all by yourself!
I wish that I was done.
Edited for spelnig erars
-
Wish Granted! The cannibals stick a fork in you as they heft you away from the fire just to be sure.
I wish I couldn't be restrained.
-
Wish Granted! You break out of the asylum and are shot by police. No bonds could hold you, so you have been set free.
I wish my sleep pattern would return to normal... (going to bed in the mid-afternoon, waking up in the late evening...)
-
Wish granted; your normal sleeping pattern is one minute of deep sleep everyhour on the hour
I wish to know what Old Greg (http://youtube.com/watch?v=h0S6vL0-u58) is from
-
Wish Granted! However, the creatures of the far realms don't take kindly to your snooping and quickly drive you insane... then kill you.
I wish I always knew the truth.
-
Wish granted; unfortunately, there are certain governments that do not want anybody to know the truth. You end up dying like JFK, 149 shots from 26 different angles
I wish that everything was false
-
Wish granted. Everything is false, including this statement. Hence, everything is true, including the previous statement. Thus, a paradoxon is created, and you (ironically only you) get sucked up by a space-time vortex.
I wish for sanity.
-
Wish granted; there is sanity, but not for you or anyone you know
I wish that fish woul rain from the sky all across the USA
-
Wish granted. Fish rains from the sky, most of it is left to rot and it stinks. However, the fish decomposes, leaving valuable nitrates in the soil, giving the US the most fertile farmland in the world (which subsequently gets turned into parking lots).
I wish for cool weather tomorrow so I don't sweat my ass off at D&D.
-
Wish granted. Instead, you freeze your ass off at D&D thanks to the cool weather.
I wish I knew what to wish for.
-
Wish granted; you now know the words "what to wish for"
I wish for all lies to be truths and all truths to be lies
-
Wish Granted. Everyone loses faith in everyone else, science means nothing, gravity ceases to exist... and to top it off, as you float off the Earth (because, clearly, centrifugal forces are no longer in place), a mermaid bitchslaps you into the mouth of a Tarrasque, where you will meet your
doom birth.
A fairy kisses you and you die.
Ha! I'm so confused!
I wish that mosquitos and other annoying insects would stop biting me. I'm so itchy!
-
Wish Granted! Your skin becomes leather-tough. Unfortunately, this also means that it now has almost no sensitivity.
I wish I made better characters.
-
Wish granted! Your hand-writing is better than ever.
I wish everyone knew that there is no such thing as centrifugal force.
-
Wish granted! Your hand-writing is better than ever.
I wish everyone knew that there is no such thing as centrifugal force.
Wish granted. Everyone starts learning that centrifugal forces are actually known as fictitious forces which, unlike other "real" forces, do not originate from physical interactions between objects... But halfway through the explanation, everyone falls asleep from boredom.
I wish that I could get all the Magic cards I wanted for free.
-
I wish that I could get all the Magic cards I wanted for free.
Wish granted... you get all the Yu-Gi-Oh magic (and trap) cards you want for free. However, all of the ones you get have been banned, and come from before they were renamed "spell cards".
I wish to be a 20th-level wizard.
-
Wish granted. But, since magic doesn't exist, all that experience counts for very little. But hey, at least you get a pointy hat.
I wish for a 2nd season of Firefly.
-
Wish Granted! It's a fan-made season. The quality is absolute shit: dialog, acting, plot, camera-work, the whole deal sucks.
I wish for self-motivation.
-
Wish Granted! You're now motorized, but require fuel. The upside is that unrefined bio-fuels will work as well as refined petroleum.
I wish that people understood me :( ;)
-
Wish granted. People understand that you're impossible to understand. But that's why they love you.
I wish that I didn't need to study in order to learn...
-
Wish granted ! You can now learn by osmosis. You fall into an outhouse. You know crap.
I wish for peas on Earth
-
Wish Granted! Peas fall from the sky in a beautiful display of tones of green. The mystery is the lead story on all news outlets across the globe. Starving children happily scarf the delicious morsels until their bellies are full. For a time, everyone is peaceful, happy, and pleasantly surprised.
But the vegetable rain doesn't end. For days and weeks and months, peas fall from the sky. Bodies of water are bloated with stale, rotting peas, every day you must shovel the mush from your door, but there is nowhere to put it. The starving children start to feel the ill affects of eating but one food source.
The Pea Fall brings together global scientists, researchers, farmers, and politicians to try and figure out how to end this catastrophe before it's too late...
I wish I had a maid who would happily clean up after me and keep my house tidy and wanted only room and board in return.
-
Wish Granted! The maid does his job excellently and without complaint. His lingering body odor and eating proclivities leave a bit to be desired though...
I wish I could understand animals as if they could speak English
-
Wish granted Meg ! He is a large and smelly and insists on 'helping you' bathe.
I wish I could read, write, speak and understand all languages (except for pig latin).
EDIT: dang it, Chemus beat me too it.
-
I wish I could understand animals as if they could speak English
Wish granted. You discover that all animals are planning a rebellion against the human oppressors, and you are mauled to death by a pack of grizzly bears to ensure your silence.
And because I'm feeling generous
I wish I could read, write, speak and understand all languages (except for pig latin).
Wish granted, but you're amazing ability becomes obsolete when the animal's overthrow their human oppressors and command that pig latin, the native tongue of animals, become the Universal Language. Anyone heard speaking another language is fed to the new Emu overlords.
I wish I had a properly functioning lightsaber.
-
I bow to your greatness wordslinger !
BTW, your wish is granted. Darth Vader appears and 'gives' it to you.
Since I already have good looks and brains, I'm not sure what else to wish for . . . hmmm
I wish all your dreams come true !
-
Wish granted; my dreams consist of horrible beings beyond human comprehension. They are unleashed against the world and destroy it. I am holed away in a personal paradise to create more of them but you are worshipped as "The Beginner" and as a strange token of gratitude, they grant you an eternal life of torture.
Thanks for the paradise on my end though
I wish that I was the anti-anti me
-
Wish Granted! You meet yourself in the process of changing matter composition, and discontinue existence via an antimatter explosion. Fortunately, the actual amount of antimatter was only enough to take out about a city block, but it was thoroughly demolished. Nothing but glass from your former location.
I wish that people would wish less convoluted wishes.
-
Wish granted; the definition of "convoluted" is changed to mean simple
I wish for a piece of cooked salmon will appear on the nearest surface to me on a plate. The salmon will not cause any harm to me by eating or cause physical, mental, or financial harm to anyone but the specific salmon killed and cooked for the purposes of me eating it. It will also be delicious.
-
Wish granted! only thr epiece of coooked salmon is so small, you will only enjoy it for 0.00001 seconds befor al flavor is gone. too bad.. I ate the rest of the salmon and it was delicious :D
I wish this thread to continue into eternity
-
Wish Granted! However someone from the picture counting thread hijacks it as a prime number picture counting thread.
I wish that I had enough resources to buy all the tea in northern India.
-
Wish granted! too bad the resources are virtual....
I wish for Chemus not to make my wishes go bad
-
Wish granted; I will now make your wishes go bad
I wish that my dog ruled Finland
-
Wish granted !
By royal decree, all public restrooms in Finland are replaced with fire hydrants. The people hold a bloody rebellion (bad news for you and your dog) and replace the monarchy with a limited democratic republic.
I wish that people with a double digit IQ were not allowed to vote.
-
Wish granted. Unfortunately, that doesn't leave enough peoplefor any major election to be valid, and the planet succumbs into anarchy.
I wish to have a four-digit IQ.
-
Wish Granted! Your IQ manifests in the form of a hand missing its thumb, which totally sucks since that makes it mostly non-functional (before it bleeds out and dies, leaving you comatose indefinitely, that is).
I wish motorcycle insurance wasn't expensive.
-
Wish granted. From now on, motorcycle insurance is free. However, the insurance company soon goes broke and is thus unable to pay when you finally have an accident. On an unrelated note, you hit your head in the accident and fall into a coma.
I wish to be a Mind Flayer.
-
Wish granted; you are suddenly killed by a wandering group of epic adventures looking for XP
I wish for pancakes and syrup to rain upon the city of New York, New York
-
Wish Granted! Paul decided to visit New York that day, unfortunately. Struck by a pancake, he fell into a coma. :P
I wish for butter with my pancakes.
-
Wish granted. You get butter for your pancakes. Butter churned from human breastmilk. Eat up. :D
I wish I could figure out what food (or substance) is making me sick so that I could just stop eating it! :wall
-
Wish Granted! You appear to be developing a mild allergy to water, in almost any form. While non-life-threatening, it will make it very uncomfortable for you for the next 30 years until the scientists come up with a water substitute for you.
I wish that I weren't just so damn good! :D
-
Wish Granted. You aren't.
I wish I things tasted blue.
-
Wish granted; all "I Things" now taste blue.
I wish to taste color
-
Wish granted! *hands you a small box of food coloring*
I wish my camera's battery charger was working properly. :(
-
Wish granted; all "I Things" now taste blue.
Haha, fool! Now IPods and IPhones and Iraq... wait, no, not Iraq, taste blue!
Wish Granted! It works properly, but your batteries repeatedly disappear at Random times... mostly likely as a result of Ninjas.
I wish I was one of the Random Ninjas.
-
I wish I was one of the Random Ninjas.
Granted. You are a ninja.... eh, sometimes. Your ninja powers come and go randomly... you are welcome to try them at any time. They'll either work or they won't. :)
Good luck with that.
I wish to have a tasty chocolate shake in the next 12 hours.
-
Wish granted. In 11 hours and 59 minutes, you will die, go to hell, and be treated to a free (tasty) chocolate shake before being tormented for all of eternity.
I wish for the world's best graphics card plus driver for my computer.
-
Wish Granted! In addition to being the best, it's also the most explosive, destroying your computer, home, and the entire country of Austria (and parts of surrounding countries) in a radioactive blast.
I wish my ninja powers worked more often.
-
Wish granted. Your ninja powers work more often now. That is, whnever you don't need them. As soon as you find yourself in a potentially life-threatening situation, they stop working for some obscure reason.
I wish I had a pet Tarrasque.
-
Wish granted. You come across a tarrasque and name it Fluffy. It eats you, because that's what tarrasques do.
I wish my laundry would dry faster so I could go work out now!
-
Wish Granted! It dries so incredibly quickly that it actually bursts into flames, ironically making you much more late for the gym as you suffer third degree burns over ninety percent of your body.
I wish my ninja powers would work just as often while now being functional in dangerous situations.
-
Wish granted. Now they only spontaneously shut off in situations that aren't immediately dangerous with ninja powers, but very much so without.
I wish for a pet that won't eat me.
-
Wish granted! You are now the proud owner of a pet rock. I named him Rocky for you.
I wish I could spontaneously cast Summon Laptop IX 20 times/day and have a wi-fi hub shoot out my butt.
-
Wish Granted! You can cast it, but you suffer 100% Arcane Spell Failure. And, your Wi-Fi hub... is very, very painful.
I wish for a nickel.
-
Wish granted !
A nickel is dropped by a somebody in a passing plane trying to prove that it cannot actually kill someone on the ground. Unfortunately, they were wrong.
I wish for True Love !
-
Wish Granted! "True Love!" is tattooed on your forehead. In hindsight, it might not have been the best location for a tattoo.
I wish to name my nickel Philip.
(By the way, that sucks for whoever the nickel killed, and I'm glad I make sure never to stand under airplanes. :couch)
-
Wish granted, unfortunately it's a girl nickel!
I wish to be able to bend the fabric of space-time to do my bidding.
-
Wish Granted! The first time you test out the ability, however, the fabric tears and you fall through...
I wish for a Blink Dog (http://dndsrd.net/monstersBtoC.html#blink-dog) as a friend.
-
Wish Granted! It's a really bad friend - incredibly self-absorbed, always leaves you at inopportune times, etc.
I wish I didn't have to explain to Philip why s/he has girl parts... since she's a nickel and all.
(And, yes, thank you for getting the Fairly Oddparents reference. :))
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Wish Granted. Instead, you have to explain hir why s/he has no mommy.
I wish I had a credit card.
-
Wish Granted, You now have a credit card with an interest rating of 350%...
I wish the Detective Jabsco show i have tickets for was not canceled....
-
Wish granted. The plane the band is in crashes, and now they are holding the concert in Hell.
I wish WotC management will spontaneously combust.
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Wish granted; you are admitted to the WotC management seconds before the wish is granted. I hope you like fire
I wish that any wish I granted would be horribly twisted to harm the wisher
-
Wish Granted... by yourself! ... That looks painful. :P
I wish I had a personal quarter-mile running track.
-
Wish granted; you liquidate all assets to buy the track, and it is built on a swamp, with mosquitos, who carry HIV and other nasty viruses, and Carrot Top starts following you around.
I wish for a professional troll (as in the monster) to be my best friend and not eat me.
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I wish for a professional troll (as in the monster) to be my best friend and not eat me.
Your new best friend is a /b/tard. Yes, they're monsters :).
I wish for cheap delicious japanese food.
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Wish Granted! The hygiene of the preparer leaves much to be desired, and you contract hepatitis. The food was excellent though.
I wish I always knew what to do, and in plenty of time to act upon that knowledge.
-
Wish granted, The knowledge you seeks comes to you on your deathbed, only moments before your demise.
I wish My doctors would not have take away my prescription to Vicodin.
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Wish granted. They take it anyway, 'cause they're douchebags.
I wish to be a Scaled One of Toril.
-
Wish granted; you are killed by crocodile hunters who wandered into fantasy.
I wish to contract necrotizing fasciitis and leprosy and not die from either or suffer any debilitating effects from the necrotizing fasciitis other than necrosis.
-
Wish Granted, You contract said diseases and your health is in no way negatively effected by them, To bad people are so repulsed by you no one ever talks to you again.
I still Wish for Pain Killers...
Maybe I am Addicted?
-
Wish granted, you acquire a team of mercenaries whose sole goal is to kill one named "Pain."
I wish to be able to bend the fabric of space-time without ripping it.
-
Wish Granted! It doesn't rip, it snaps. Elasticity only lasts so long, you know.
I wish for red, horizontal barracuda mobiles (no, I'm not sure what that means).
-
Wish granted. However, since you can't figure out what a red, horizontal barracuda mobile is, you're unable to make any use of them.
I wish for pie.
-
Wish Granted! You get laid. Unfortunately, it's trans-sexual pie. You go into shock and become comatose. ;)
I wish making people go comatose as a result of wishes wasn't so fun.
-
Wish Granted1 You are wracked with remorse every time you do so, but are unable to stop yourself.
I wish I had a nice sword.
-
Wish granted. You have a piece of cardboard cut out into the shape of a sword. It's very nice to you.
I wish I could just play games all day instead of work.
-
Wish Granted! You die of starvation. Thanks for playing. ;)
I wish I became comatose every time I granted a wish.
-
I wish I could just play games all day instead of work.
Me too.
Yeah, yeah, I'm screwing up the game, but
+1. + fucking 1.
-
Wish Granted! You die of starvation. Thanks for playing. ;)
I wish I became comatose every time I granted a wish.
Wish granted. No one can tell the difference. ;)
I wish for a pony.
-
I love you, Meg.
-
Wish Granted! You receive a My Little Pony replicant (a la Blade Runner)
I wish for a gourd.
(Now, Meg are we gonna hafta sic Kai on you?....;) :D)
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Wish Granted! Thankfully, you're out of it (yes, you're out of your gourd). Unfortunately, everyone else is trapped inside.
I wish aftercrescent's witty granting didn't sting so much. :hide
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Wish granted. It now BURNS! Because he burned you so bad it was good! :P
I wish that the asshole who was spamming BG was right in front of me so I could shove my foot up his ass.
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Wish Granted! You don't really know where your foot is now though because
he's a huge ass... he has a huge ass... the world is full of sprinkles!
I wish I could have an ice pack.
(Who are we talking about, by the way?
EDIT: Nevermind, Agita just linked me to this: http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?action=profile;u=590;sa=showPosts)
-
Wish granted. It's dry ice.
I wish for a Wonka Bar.
-
I think they are referring to Anonymouz
-
Wish Granted! It contains a golden ticket, even! You're invited to the Wonka factory where you are anally raped, then killed and dropped into the chocolate river to become part of various Wonka products, all while Wonka smiles.
I wish for a dessert of unexpected and undefinable proportions.
-
Wish granted... you get the wonka bar that you just made Aftercrescent into. It's juicy.
I wish aftercrescent wasn't a candy bar.
-
Wish Granted! This makes me a cannibal. In order to reduce cognitive dissonance, I accept that I'm a cannibal and eat you.
I wish I didn't have to be a cannibal for that granting to make sense.
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Wish granted; you become a vegan and I remain a cannibal. I eat you, aftercresent, and bobismyrihno. On the bright side, you are all delicious.
I wish that my wishes were not twisted
-
Wish Granted! You make straightforward and non-disturbing wishes. However, they are each granted in unusual and often undesirable ways.
I wish that I had a laser pointer capable of cutting steel, just for fun.
-
Wish granted. You soon forget that it can cut steel and point it at some hapless guy's eye for fun. He dies,you go to jail, and after seven years of butt-you-know, you're sentenced to death by steel-cutting laser pointer.
I wish there was a :shifty: smiliey on these boards.
-
Wish Granted! However, since it's shifty, it's been hiding. No one's sure what it's up to... :marx
I wish I was big.
-
Wish granted. You become the character "Mr. Big" on Sex in the City.
I wish for a +1 Inherent bonus to my strength.
-
Wish Granted! That comes with a -6 racial penalty to Strength.
I wish television wasn't so boring at midday.
-
Wish granted, the program is now at its most exciting at midday and dull at all other times. Unrelatedly, you discover that you are massively indebted and are forced into slavery. Your work times are 7 am - 11 pm.
I wish to have this (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=74692&highlight=%5BTemplate%5D) template applied to myself.
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Wish Granted! Your DM sees how cheesy it is and beats you into a coma (yes, the DM of real life!). :couch
I wish I wished a wish of wishful magnitude.
-
Wish Granted! Your wish is so wishful that it wishes itself out of existence. It takes your favorite shirt with it.
I wish I didn't care.
-
Wish granted! You wished your wish, and such a wishing wish it was! Unfortunately, you didn't specify anything beyond the act of wishing.
I wish you had.
-
Wish Granted! Your wish is so wishful that it wishes itself out of existence. It takes your favorite shirt with it.
I wish I didn't care.
You don't. Nothing matters. You curl up into a ball and die.
I wish I hadn't been ninja'd.
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Wish Granted! These forums actually alert you so that ninja'ing embarrassment can be avoided.
I wish it wasn't so convenient that my "favorite shirt" is actually a type of white t-shirt, which I have two or three of.
-
Wish granted! Production on white T-shirts is halted. Your favorite shirt is no longer convenient.
I wish in one hand and crap in the other.
But I guess I need a real one...so, I wish I wasn't so sleepy.
-
Wish Granted! You're so much more sleepy.
I wish that hadn't been so easy. :couch
-
Wish Granted! Your IQ lowers enough so that simple tasks become a real challenge.
I wish that people knew the effects of their decisions and actions.
-
Wish Granted! They still don't give a damn. One of them decides to run you over.
I wish I knew what they were driving.
-
Wish granted! You get a very good look at their steamroller as it bears down on you moments before squishing you into paste.
I wish people would consider the henchman's wife.
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Wish Granted! The adventurer's now consider seducing the henchman's wife. The paladin even marries one who is widowed when her husband dies on one of their treks.
I wish the henchman's wife would consider the henchman.
-
Wish Granted! She does, but he is run over by Austin Powers. After she is informed of his death, her entire house is tipped backward into a pit of fire as Doctor Evil presses the button with her name on it.
I wish the third Austin Powers didn't suck so much.
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wish granted; it now sucks .0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% less
I wish that the AVP films were based on the games
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Wish Granted! Most people storm of out the theaters because of character death screens and the frequently repeated "scenes" that ensue.
I wish we finally had the :shifty smiley.
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(http://www.ausfish.com.au/yabbfiles/Smilies/shifty.gif) Wish Granted! But it's been stolen and will probably cause the boards to get closed down due to legal hassles.
I wish I hadn't done that.
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Wish granted; I did it instead
I wish for a Halo game that didn't suck
-
Wish granted. None of the Halo games suck. On an unrelated note, you get torn apart by rabid fanboys (including yours truly) for implying the Halo games sucked.
I wish for ice cream.
-
Wish granted. You now possess a carton of cream that has been frozen.
I wish I didn't have to work right now.
-
Wish granted; you are fired and blacklisted from every job, charity, and welfare. You starve to death in a small cardboard box
I wish that everyone else would agree with me that Harry Potter is the worst book series the world has ever had the shame to bear.
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Wish Granted! The fabric of reality tears as the thinking of so many people shifts at once from disliking other book series to disliking the Harry Potter series.
I wish everyone would just keep my opinions to themselves ;).
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Wish granted; now all of your thoughts are constantly broadcast. No body says anything about them, but you are slapped a lot, pervert.
I wish for my corpse to be attached to a missile that will be launched at mexico in Operation: Closed Borders
-
Wish granted. Ahnold shoots you and you find that you don't really care what happens to your corpse after that bullet to the brain.
I wish my players in the PbP campaign would hurry up and post their characters...
-
Wish Granted! After reading a five dozen Pun-Puns and realizing that your players fail to understand concept such as "game balance" or "one" character, you come to the conclusion that this isn't the game for you. You become a regular person. Years later, you realize your mistake when nerds rule the world and subjugate you.
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Bwa ha ha ! I knew we could do it !
Hey didn't you forget to make a wish ?
-
"Forget" is such a funny word. I was simply basking in our newfound glory. ;)
But if you insist, I wish I was a pineapple (this wish prompted by a Pineapple Express commercial).
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Wish granted. You are subsequently stuffed up Hitler's butt (stupid but vaguely hilarious movie).
I wish... I wish people will stop screaming into the phone. You may be deaf, but I am not. My sensitive hearing thanks you.
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Wish granted; you wish that people would stop shouting into the phone, but the actually wish was delegated to FEMA\
I wish for a Norwegian Blue parrot
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Wish granted !
It is, however, dead. And the guy at the pet shop wont return it, he insists that it is asleep. He speaks in a funny British accent.
I wish for truth in advertising.
-
Granted! Except no one wants to buy anything and the economy collapses on itself.
I wish I had money so I could just go to college and not work.
-
Wish granted; you fail collage and cannot find work anywhere
I wish for THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
-
Wish granted. It comes so unexpectedly that you get a heart attack from the shock.
I wish to summon a Sarrukh.
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Wish Granted, You summon him, Incorrectly, He is Grumpy and eats you.
I wish for a new Ipod
-
Wish granted; you get the new 4' x 8' IPod 3 KB
I wish for the Mega Robo Thunder Phone Query to actually air my call.
-
Wish granted; you get the new 4' x 8' IPod 3 KB
I wish for the Mega Robo Thunder Phone Query to actually air my call.
Wish granted! Except you get a new toaster because I don't know what the hell that is.
I wish Altell would fucking write their modem drivers in .deb format so I could use my desktop on the interblag instead of my laptop.
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Wish granted. However, some random vandal thinks it would be funny if they destroyed your desktop and all future desktop models you will ever have.
I wish to be resurrected from the Sarrukh's gizzard and recieve the Manipulate Form ability while I'm at it.
-
I wish to be resurrected from the Sarrukh's gizzard and recieve the Manipulate Form ability while I'm at it.
Wish granted. However, the Sarrukh first uses Maniuplate form to give you "Always loyal to Sarrukh" as an extraordinary ability.
I wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for a wish for the number four.
-
Wish granted; some random person in some random timeline is granted the wish for number four
I wish for undeniable proof that God does not exist
-
Wish granted, there is undeniable proof that God doesn't exist. Mankind just hasn't found it yet.
I wish the Sarrukh would remove the Always Loyal to a Sarrukh (Ex) ability from me.
-
I wish the Sarrukh would remove the Always Loyal to a Sarrukh (Ex) ability from me.
That wouldn't be a very loyal wish, now would it? :smirk
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I wish the Sarrukh would remove the Always Loyal to a Sarrukh (Ex) ability from me.
That wouldn't be a very loyal wish, now would it? :smirk
>_> <_< It's in the Sarrukh's best interest?
-
Wish granted. It then proceeds to kill you for your insubordination.
I wish for a fish on a dish that shall be granted a wish for a fish on a dish
-
Wish granted. It then proceeds to kill you for your insubordination.
I wish for a fish on a dish that shall be granted a wish for a fish on a dish
Wish granted! Rocks fall. Everyone dies.
I wish I could get people to come to my game more than one session.
-
Wish granted. They agree to come for a second session, but on the way to your place, each and every one of your players dies a horrible death.
I wish I wasn't too insane to know I'm not too insane to wish for sanity.
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Wish Granted! You're sane enough to know that you aren't too insane to wish for sanity. Alas, you're now out of wishes, and you're still pretty crazy.
I wish that everyone would try to outwit the 'wish granted' game.
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Wish granted; logic implodes
I wish my iPod would work.
-
Your Ipod works remarkably well as a hydrogen bomb next time you turn it on.
I wish for wisdom and discretion.
-
Your Ipod works remarkably well as a hydrogen bomb next time you turn it on.
I wish for wisdom and discretion.
Granted! The test of your new-found wisdom lies discreetly within this spoiler...
[spoiler]Let the test begin! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU)[/spoiler]
I wish to acquire a working xbox 360 for $100 or less.
-
Wish granted; you steal it and are shot to death by the police. Next time you should think twice about stealing from a orphanage.
I wish that "The Dark Knight" was better.
-
Wish granted; you steal it and are shot to death by the police. Next time you should think twice about stealing from a orphanage.
I wish that "The Dark Knight" was better.
wish granted: It was better. But in the *poof*
I really DO wish to buy an xbox under $100, but this is the last time I'll bring it up. :)
-
Wish granted, you get a second-hand one for $50. Turns out, however, its former possessor was a pyromaniac and rigged it to burst into flame after half an hour of play.
I wish to be resurrected, but still retain my Manipulate Form ability.
-
Wish granted; however, you realize that your whole life has been a LARP
I wish for someone to hate for no reason.
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Wish Granted, PM me some time.
I wish for a left shoe
-
Wish granted; it is firmly planted up your arse, by me (thanks for letting me hate you!)
I wish for the Middle East to become a happy land of joy and peace, where children play and there is no hate or war and for all of that violence to be transfered to Australia, for them to be doomed to civil war.
-
Wish granted; it is firmly planted up your arse, by me (thanks for letting me hate you!)
I wish for the Middle East to become a happy land of joy and peace, where children play and there is no hate or war and for all of that violence to be transfered to Australia, for them to be doomed to civil war.
Granted: The magnetic poles of the earth shift, and now australia has been aligned in rotation where the middle east once was. The amonts of changes to the climate and weather patterns on the planet will extinguish nearly all life. Nice work.
I wish I hadn't made that comment earlier about batman being shitty before actually seeing the movie. Turned out to be pretty good after all!
-
Wish granted; your comment is changed to batman being good, and now you think the movie is shitty
I wish for someone else to have a wish
-
Wish granted.
I wish for a normal, non-vorpal, birthday cake.
-
wish granted; it gives you a tape worm
I wish for another screening of Halloween at my local cinema.
-
Wish Granted, but there is a projector malfunction, The whole place including you burns to the ground.
I wish for coffee money
-
Wish granted; coffee becomes an illegal drug and you are shot to death by the DEA.
I wish that everyone who thinks that fourth edition dungeons and dragons is good gets beaten to death by 4E PHB
-
Wish granted! When the 4E PHB is done with all three of them (;)), it comes after you!
I wish that I was able to use the intarweb on breaks at work again.
-
wish granted; your boss gives you a "intarweb", an notice that you no longer have vacations, weekends, holidays, breaks, personal days, hours off, or bathroom breaks
I wish for something to wish for
-
Wish granted! You wish you died. Robin Williams, as the Genie, makes it absolutely hilarious though, if that's any consolation.
I wish for a tropical jungle to jump into outer space to collide with a nearby asteroid, thus averting Earth's utter annihilation.
-
Wish Granted, Though the loss of that many trees makes it impossible to breath: World lives, we die.
I wish for a tea spoon.
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Wish Granted, Though the loss of that many trees makes it impossible to breath: World lives, we die.
I wish for a tea spoon.
Wish granted. You were so happy getting the spoon, you didn't see the rock in front of you. YOu trip over it and stab yourself in the eye with the spoon.
I wish people would really get educated about the environment instead of just spewing greenie propaganda (yes, DJ, this is directed at you for your "impossible to breathe" comment) like last night's vomit.
-
Wish Granted, People no longer spew propaganda, just the vomit, It is a much dirtier world...thanks.
I wish for my eye to be fixed.
(Also, I just thought of a quick fix, or a stereotype)
-
Wish granted; your eye gets sprayed
I wish for a dead fly
-
Wish granted. Someone Polymorphs you into a fly and kills you with a flyswatter.
I wish for a typo.
-
Wish granted: You receive a type.
I wish for Sunic_Flames and aelrynth to switch bodies.
-
Wish granted. The Earth vanishes in a massive improbability event as logic and anti-logic meets.
I wish for weekends to last for 7 days and have 48 hours per day.
-
Wish Granted! You now have to work split-shifts on weekends.
I wish that everyone understood what I say.
-
Wish granted; you now have corprolallia too.
I wish for this wish not to be granted, the granting of which brings me delicious non-existent cake
-
As you wish is not granted, an alternate dimensional version of you (opposite gender, of course) is given a piece of delicious German Chocolate Cake.
I wish for true physical and emotional love... and G.C.C.
-
Granted! You go talk to Santa Claus in Happyland, who tells you to walk around Lollipop lane where you fly on a pig to the new ski resort they built in Hell recently and find something that only exists in the delusions of poets. And they give you G.C.C., once you explain what the hell that is.
I wish to go to bed now.
-
Wish granted; your bed now has spikes on it
I wish to get away from the beach
-
Wish granted. As you surf away from the beach, the PA announces that your time in the Safari Zone is over, and you're transported back to the main building. As you exit, you're in Glitch City, and you notice you forgot to bring a pokémon with Fly with you.
I wish school wouldn't start next week (or this week).
-
Wish Granted! Your next shift at Wal Mart starts in an hour. Oh, and remember to pick up diapers and food for your fifteen children.
I wish I had the jaw power of a crocodile.
-
Wish granted. You now dribble everytime you eat or drink anything and chewing food is but a memory for you (crocs have very weak jaws...).
I wish for more annual days off.
-
Wish granted. You now dribble everytime you eat or drink anything and chewing food is but a memory for you (crocs have very weak jaws...).
I wish for more annual days off.
First, before I do any granting, what? O_o "The crocodile's bite force is more than 5,000 pounds per square inch,[3] compared to just 335 psi for a rottweiler, 400 psi for a large great white shark, or 800 to 1,000 psi for a hyena."
Wish Granted! You have two days off each year, determined at random at the first of each year. The random pool is not allowed to contain recognized holiday dates, which you must work triple-shifts for, without overtime pay.
I wish for balloons!
-
I wish for balloons!
Wish granted. You are now a baloon in Balloon Land (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKp7akCjiF4). The one that gets killed by the Pincushion Man the very first, to be accurate.
I wish I didn't have to eat, drink, or sleep.
-
I wish for balloons!
Wish granted. You are now a baloon in Balloon Land (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKp7akCjiF4). The one that gets killed by the Pincushion Man the very first, to be accurate.
I wish I didn't have to eat, drink, or sleep.
Wish Granted! You are now an elan. Unfortunately, you are mistaken for Elan and killed by Xykon.
I wish to be in marshmallow hell! :)
-
Wish granted. Unfortunately, you're The Scrappy, so the producers have you choke to death in the bosoms of some old ladies.
I wish for more nachos.
-
Wish Granted! You drown in them... oh, and they leave you catatonic (and dead, yes).
I wish to be Optimus Prime.
-
I wish to be Optimus Prime.
Wish granted (http://www.youtube.com/v/h_ULg4RSy5Y)
I wish to be Optimus Primal.
-
Wish granted! You are now a Optimus Primal action figure. Mint condition and packaged for all eternity in a collector's warehouse.
I wish I had time for breakfast.
-
Wish Granted! Since you've been banned from any school, and now have neither a job nor a social life, you have plenty of time to linger over whatever breakfast you can manage.
I wish I managed my time better.
-
Wish granted; you watch is now set to Antarctic time, down to the microsecond. You do live in Antarctica, right?
I wish for Yugoslavia to win gold in all of the 2012 Olympic Games.
-
Wish granted! Two days later, every single Yugoslavian athlete checks out positive on the doping tests; the gold medals are withdrawn and Yugoslavia is banned from ever participating again for all times.
I wish to trade (sacrifice) my 15 children and the woman/women I had them with for the ability to use Hadoken once per day (And not miss like BM always does).
-
Wish granted; If you are a man, then you become a woman and a lesbian, and end up sacrificing your self. If you are a women, you become a lesbian and end up sacrificing your self. Just more proof that homosexual relations are bad for evil rituals.
I wish for the "h" to be pronounced in "what"
-
Wish granted; If you are a man, then you become a woman and a lesbian, and end up sacrificing your self. If you are a women, you become a lesbian and end up sacrificing your self. Just more proof that homosexual relations are bad for evil rituals.
I wish for the "h" to be pronounced in "what"
Hwish Granted! Unfortunately, this causes other things to be pronounced similarly, leading to hwishes coming back. Everyone hates you for it and you die a miserable death. Now, granted, your death was totally unrelated, but it was still totally miserable. I hope you're happy.
I wish to play guitar like Michael Angelo Batio.
-
I wish to play guitar like Michael Angelo Batio.
Nothing happens because you didn't hwish for it. :p
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I wish to play guitar like Michael Angelo Batio.
Wish granted. You play exactly like Michael Angelo Batio. Your finger placement, the angle at which you hold your instrument, everything. Limited funds however force you to play on a ukulele though.
I wish Meg would add (http://smilies.vidahost.com/otn/blobs/pinkie.gif) to the smilies list.
-
Hwish granted; people spam the boards with them, causing the collapse of the brilliant gameologists website
I wish for life to be more like zork
-
Wish granted! You go to the bathroom and are eaten by a grue.
(Too easy?)
I wish I always felt perfectly rested and was completely healthy with only 3 hours of sleep a night.
And also- just for Kai-- check out the smilie list:
:bounce
-
Wish Granted! You are now a completely healthy pygmy elephant, needing only 2-4 hours of sleep to feel rested.
I wish that Meg wasn't an elephant anymore.
-
Wish granted; she is killed by ivory hunters and gets resurrected as a jumbo shrimp (sorry Meg!)
I wish that I did not have to write this essay and not writing did not effect my grade.
-
Wish Granted! You are summarily arrested and imprisoned for your collection of porn, all of which has become illegal in your area. You no longer attend school, and are exempt from any of its assignments.
I wish I hadn't made Meg into a pygmy elephant earlier.
-
Wish granted, you instead turned her into a fully grown normal Elephant, and she's angry...
I wish for the Flobots and Rage Against the Machine to play a show at my college that I can afford to attend.
-
wish granted; they play "Eyes Of The Tiger" as their only song and take out the AWESOME guitar solo at the beginning.
-
*donates emissary666's unused wish to the Make A Wish Foundation*
I wish I had a chocolate cupcake the size of a basketball.
-
Wish Granted! It's also the shape, color, flavor and texture of a basketball. A used one. Yum.
I wish I were smart.
-
Wish granted; you were smart, now you are not
I wish for a tin of infinite Oreos!
-
Wish granted. Unfortunately, the tin is wielded shut and no power can open it without dispeling the charm of infinite oreos.
I wish to be extremely lucky.
-
Wish Granted! You 'get lucky' again and again until you contract a nasty STD, and no one wants to play anymore.
I wish to be a dolphin!
-
Wish granted, after happily swimming along for a few hours, you get hungry. So you decide to eat some of those tasty tuna you see swimming in that shadowy area...
Long story short, I hope you like mayonnaise...
I wish that all events involving chance work out in my favor...
-
Wish granted; you are arrested for cheating at slots and due to a clerical error, you are placed in a maximum security prison.
I wish school didn't suck.
-
Wish granted, now it blows.
I wish to be teleported from my prison cell to a low population tropical island.
-
Wish Granted! The island is also rocky and low in resources. The natives look hungry...
I wish I could find my favorite pocketknife.
-
Wish granted! ITS IN YOUR EYE!!!!! Man, that sucks.
I wish I was at home, sleeping.
-
Wish granted; you are put into a coma and are drag home by family and friends, you remain in this state for the rest of your life.
I wish the Ricky Gervais Show would make a forth season
-
Wish Granted! It does, and remains in complete and utter obscurity.
I wish I had a prehensile tail, just like Sunic.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, since you aren't used to controlling an additional appendage, you inadvertently strangle yourself.
I wish I hadn't spent the past two hours on the intrawebz.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, since you aren't used to controlling an additional appendage, you inadvertently strangle yourself.
I wish I hadn't spent the past two hours on the intrawebz.
Wish granted. Instead, you spend the next 500 hours on the intrawebs, without stopping to eat, drink, or sleep. Somewhere halfway through, you collapse into drooling madness from the sleep deprival and eventually die from dehydration.
I wish I were Chuck Norris.
-
Granted, He kills you as your are becoming him to prevent competition from within himself.
I wish the US could get a decent president.
-
Wish Granted! The US does get a decent president, but he assassinated during his inaugural speech. Then the White House blows up.
I wish my girlfriend wasn't mad at me.
-
wish granted; she forgets about you.
I wish I understood emotions.
-
Wish granted,
e·mo·tion (?-m?'sh?n) n.
1. A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.
2. A state of mental agitation or disturbance: spoke unsteadily in a voice that betrayed his emotion. See Synonyms at feeling.
3. The part of the consciousness that involves feeling; sensibility: "The very essence of literature is the war between emotion and intellect" (Isaac Bashevis Singer).
I wish I didn't have to do my Intro to Business homework, which would in no way impact my GPA or Graduation.
-
wish granted; you pay someone else to do it and are caught. you're graduation is delayed till 6040AD.
I wish I could express emotion.
-
I fail to see how delaying it 4000 years isn't impacting my graduation...
Wish granted, you now are completely unable to mask any emotion that enters your head. When a teacher/superior expresses a belief that you disagree with in the slightest, you bare your teeth and growl. You are completely unable to tell the smallest of lies. And don't even get my started on what happens when you see an individual you find attractive...
I wish my next wish was uncorruptable.
-
Wish granted; your next wish is to be put in a stasis pod and never released.
I wish for a random, sudden, and unfortunate event to happen to me.
-
Wish granted. A large boulder fell on you and you died.
I wish emotions don't exist anymore.
-
Wish granted; you die because you were to apathetic to stay on the sidewalk
I wish I could read mosquitoes' minds.
-
Wish granted. The mosquitos are forced to give you West Nile virus in order to prevent you from foiling their plans for world domination.
I wish there was an attractive heterosexual female in the stasis pod with me.
-
Wish Granted! There is, but she's dead, and has been for a while. MmMmm, decomposition.
I wish that chicken hadn't just crapped on my hand.
-
Wish granted, an elephant crapped on your head instead. There were no survivors.
I wish that the next time I check GiantITP.com, Order of the Sticks been updated.
-
Wish granted, however the comic has been taken in a new direction. The pcs now strive be the top knitting champions of the world and give up their silly adventuring.
I wish I liked cheese cake.
-
Granted, the first one you eat is with a cult and it's poisoned.
I wish that I had the best tasting, poison free, cholesterol free, and impossible to choke on cheesecake.
-
Wish Granted!
A newly developed particle accelerator blasted cheese particles into cake particles at near-light speeds, creating the most richly flavored and dense cake the world has ever known. Sadly, its gravitational forces rip apart the planet.
I wish I had 2 extra hours in the day.
-
Granted! You forever lose your internet connection and have plenty of time for TPS reports
I wish for a LE Candle of Invocation
-
Wish granted; you now have Le, the supposedly magic candle stolen from a cult of militant Wicans
I wish for some really really bad to happen
-
wish Granted! The militant Wiccans decide that you stole their Candle and cast a locater spell on you. It goes horribly wrong and your appendix is forcibly wrenched from your body, causing you great pain, though no irreparable damage. Other than that it also somehow struck your left eye on the way out, puncturing the cornea.
I wish to know how a group of true Wiccans, the people who say "an' it harm none, do as ye will", can also be militant.
-
Wish granted; the militant Wicans kill you for investigating them
I wish for something really really bad to happen to Chemus
-
Granted, the militant Wicans bring him to life so they can kill him again, and then they find out it's your fault so they kill you too.
I wish that I would be invulnerable to everything.
-
Wish granted! You are invulnerable to everything each and every 7th Tuesday of the month. Enjoy!
I wish they still make Mountain Dew Black (tm).
-
Wish granted! The new and improved drink now has 100% more flavor due to the addition of the new secret ingredient! People! Congratulations on being in the first soda reduced for this exciting new product line!
I wish for the single greatest pair of pants ever created!
-
I wish for the single greatest pair of pants ever created!
Wish Granted!
As all great poker players know, the greatest pair you can have is a pair of aces. You are bestowed with a pair of pants made entirely of ACE inhibitors. Due to the overdose, you suffer massive kidney disease.
I wish for 25 more dollars in my iTunes account.
-
Granted, and the DRM of the music reaches out and strangles you, hoping to bring apple more money.
I wish that I could have all the music in the entire world that exists at this very moment for free and in perfect order on my Zune...
-
Granted........ this includes Tay Zonday and Britney Spears which you must listen to in order to start up any player. Good luck.
I wish that I invented the hover-sandwich.
-
Wish granted; You steal the idea from someone else and get sent to white collar prison.
I wish I could shoot bees out of my mouth
-
Wish granted. The bees fly out of your mouth and then turn around and sting you to death.
I wish that I was completely invulnerable to all attacks, and all forms of damage, and otherwise totally unable to harmed...
-
Wish granted; every 2nd Tuesday of a leap year ending in '12, you become invulnerable for 5 second at 2:46AM.
I wish the bee's I shoot out of my mouth didn't try to kill me.
-
What? I don't get oblierated? : p
The bees shoot of your mouth, turn around, and sting you. You suffer constant excruciating pain until you kill yourself to end the misery.
I wish that I was dangling from a cliff, with six hundred people I want to see die at the bottom.
-
Wish granted; they are all cheering for you to let go and fall to your death.
I wish my bees would not sting me.
-
Wish granted. It seems your bees are mutations that are unable to sting. They are, however, perfectly capable of biting, as you find out.
I wish I had telepathy out to 100 ft. and Mindsight.
-
Wish Granted! You can't turn it off, and go insane.
I wish that my Ghost was simultaneously able to haunt the militant wiccans and he who granted my wish in such a way that they killed me twice.
-
Granted! Unfortunately, the Wiccans use this thread to gain the ability to enslave ghosts and cause them great amounts of pain.
I wish that all Bards were required to put max ranks in Preform (Berry White Music)
-
Wish granted!
All bards put max ranks into Preform (Berry White Music). Unfortunately, they discover they can only play it while using musical instrumpet that incites homicidal rage in anyone who hears it played. They all die.
I wish that the Pope was an honest, incorruptible, and spiritual individual, just like he's supposed to be.
-
Wish granted; the Catholic Church is overthrown by North Korea, because Kim Jong Il is more of an honest, incorruptible, and spiritual person than ANY Pope could ever wish to be.
I wish I was a 60' tall wasp and that every few years I rise out of the ocean around Japan and torment Tokyo!
-
Wish granted. After a few years, you are slain by Godzilla.
I wish that all idiots spontaneously caught on fire.
-
Wish granted! They combust and die. They probably deserved it.
I wish for a comfy computer chair.
-
Wish granted! Your computer share is so comfortable that you never want to get out of it. You starve to death.
I wish that the presidental election had two canidates equally worth supporting.
-
Wish granted; Chuck Norris versus Bruce Lee, who ever wins, we lose
I wish I had more music on my laptop
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, the music files are infested with viruses and your laptop crashes. When you try and fix it, it explodes.
I wish that I was able to use telekinesis.
-
Wish granted; you understand how to use it, you just don't have it.
I wish that the world didn't end tomorrow.
-
Wish granted! However tomorrow the world elects the hosts of the View (never actually saw it) to rule the earth.... wait mulligan.............. it ends today
I wish Sir Schmoopy was elected president
-
Um, not to derail, but I said I wish I could use it.
Sir Schmoopy is elected president. He is assassinated by a ninja.
I wish that I could use "ninja porn" as the subject for standardized testing writing assignments.
-
Um, not to derail, but I said I wish I could use it.
Yes, and you are able to use it, you just don't have it. You would have perfect control if you did, though.
-
Wish granted; an angry ninja porn star kills you for revealing his career.
I wish I had uncontrolled telekinesis
-
Ahhhhh. Okay. Moving on.
Wish granted! Your telekinesis lifts up the kilt of a Scot with a very small penis when he's trying to impress a woman. He kills you.
I wish that all people who wears miniskirts would have bad tempers.
-
Granted...... in your terrible fit of rage you break into a store and are arrested.
I wish that the next person gets a bonus wish
-
Um, I don't wear miniskirts. Or any other kind. But since that's too funny to deny, moving on.
Granted! Since I'm the next person, I wish that I was able to summon the spirit of Bruce Lee to do my bidding AND that at least some of the consequences would be funny.
-
Wish granted; the spirit hits you with a rubber chicken then chases you around as the Benny Hill theme plays.
I wish I had an immunity to arsenic.
-
Wish granted, you suffer a fatal heart attack and are therefore completely immune to the effects of arsenic.
I wish for infinite, unspoilable whole milk.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, it appears inside your body, which means that as it increases to the size of infinity your body explodes, and to make things worse, it destroys the whole universe.
I wish that I had a videotape of Bruce Lee's spirit chasing me around to the Benny Hill theme, to show the people not reading this thread.
-
Granted! Unfortunately, the Lee family retains the rights to the the film and wins all of your possessions in court.
I wish that the north pole was replaced with a giant club sandwich.
-
Wish granted! The shift to the planet's orbit causes it to spin wildly out of control and crash into the sun.
I wish I could come up with more creative things to happen for people's wishes.
-
Granted but they all involve a terrible death for you.
I wish to go bowling with Thor.
-
Wish granted! Thor uses you as a bowling ball.
I wish that other people would be making wishes.
-
Wish Granted, however...
I wish Elennsar dies in the most horribly painful method possible.
-
Wish granted; this is the second uncorrupted wish in the thread!
I wish could smash atoms with my mind
-
Wish granted! A scientific toy maker comes out with a line of plushies featuring protons, electrons, atoms, etc. By some weird chance you have the mental power to take two of the atom plushies and smash them together. You're a hit at parties.
I wish I had enough money to hire a poop-picker-upper for our dog.
-
Wish granted! He makes a cake of the poop and gives it to you for your birthday.
I wish that the people who believe that the (insert historical event) is a lie would be made to relive it, over and over again.
-
I wish that the people who believe that the (insert historical event) is a lie would be made to relive it, over and over again.
Wish granted: I believe the cake is a lie. Yay cake!
I wish for control.
-
You gain "control". Unfortunately, since you failed to specify what, you are doomed to spend the rest of your life searching for what it is that you happen to have control over.
I wish that when I die, a great natural disaster will strike Japan.
-
Wish granted; Emissary666 the giant wasp comes back from the dead and kills you on your trip to Tokyo, Godzilla could not save it this time.
I wish I could use my hands as particle accelerators
-
Wish Granted! The accelerated particles cause great damage to your hands, as well as to the rest of your body. You survive the ordeal, but probably wish that you hadn't.
I wish that my work here was done.
-
Wish granted! You sttempt to return to your home planet, but die along the way.
I wish for it to stop raining.
-
It stops raining. Instead, it starts snowing.
I wish that Britney Spears would give John McCain a blow job on national television.
-
Wish granted! Obama finds you and gives you a high~five. But since you dont know where his hands have been, and you happen to touch yourself, you get pubic lice. Congratulations.
I wish to be able to speak whale.
-
Wish granted; it You now understand the dialect used in Whale, England
I wish I had an appendix that shot laser beams
-
The appendix in your PHB now shoots laser beams. They're 3mW, and blue. They do nothing but underline text in the book.
I wish that I was wearing pants. :o
-
Wish granted! You are now wearing pants. Unfortunately, they're several sizes too big, so they fall off.
I wish that when shook hands with people, they would explode.
-
Wish granted; you explode will praying
I wish my gallbladder would explode
-
Wish Granted, You get rushed to the Doctor, he saves you and The Medical bill is HUGE!
I wish for Peanut Butter
-
Wish granted! You die eating it, unable to find a drink to allow you to breath again.
I wish that the next person to post losses the internet forever.
-
Wish granted; through a strange temporal paradox, the granting of the wish is posted before the wish and you loss your internet
I wish I could shoot fire out of my stomach
-
Wish Granted!! You stomach shoots fire, but burns all other organs.
I wish for a cat to fail to fall on its paws.
-
Wish granted; you tie a piece of buttered toast to its back and drop it. It never lands
I wish I didn't have a headache
-
Wish granted. You now have a toothache, a stomachache, and skin cancer instead.
I wish I were an uneatable Sandwich Psion.
-
Granted! No one eats you. You sit in the back of the fridge for 25 years, slowly going insane ans getting moldy. The fridge is finally cleaned out and you are thrown away.
I wish I had eaten that sandwich when it was in it's prime.
-
I wish I had eaten that sandwich when it was in it's prime.
Wish granted. I eat the sandwich, then you swallow me whole. :P Then I start spamming finger of death...
I wish to control the granting of wishes.
-
Wish granted! However, the power to do so drives you insane, and in the misguided belief that losing that power will restore your sanity, you forfeit it. Unfortunately, you still live on in a state too agonizing to be called death.
I wish that all wars would be solved by chess matches.
-
Granted, in fact, this idea is so well received that a decree is issued. Wars can only stop should a chess match decide them. Unfortunately, all the world's chess materials are lost, and wars can never end.
I wish I owned the Washington Redskins.
-
Wish granted. You know own a family of native americans living in Washington, D.C. You are summarily sued for illegal slave trade.
I wish I had all Dragon and Dungeon issues in pdf form on my PC.
-
I wish I had all Dragon and Dungeon issues in pdf form on my PC.
Wish granted. In an unrelated incident, Lelouch Lamperouge declares war on you.
(http://bp0.blogger.com/_5SsGxc6GRSc/RnBipnTgzbI/AAAAAAAAAEc/hpxf8nru7wM/s320/3kv9.jpg) (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CodeGeass)
Good luck getting out of this one.
I wish for unbeatable chess skills, and the ability to create chess pieces with my mind.
-
Wish granted; you lose all other cognitive abilities and can only play chess. you die of starvation
I wish I knew the answer
-
Wish granted! You know the answer. Unfortunately, you don't know what it is the answer to, and slowly disolve into a puddle of goo trying to figure it out.
I wish that all anime fans would turn into scantily clad anime females and be groped by tenacles...
And not like it.
-
Wish granted. Luckily, someone takes pictures of it all and soon, tentacle hentai floods the net. (More than it did before, anyway.)
I wish the anime fans had liked it.
-
Wish grant; it does not change the fact that every site has pictures of it
I wish I knew the question of which I knew the answer to
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, you forget what the answer was.
I wish that in order to become president, you had to wrestle an octopus while shouting off the digits of pi.
-
Wish granted; all hail president Cthulhu!
I wish I knew every question and its answer and be able to fully comprehend it all.
-
Wish granted! However, you are killed by a dragon shortly after recieving this burst of knowledge, for totally unexplained reasons.
I wish that Cthulhu really was president.
-
IA! iA! IA! HAIL mASTER!
I wish I was the most logical being in the universe
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, you discover that the most logical course of action would be to kill yourself, because the universe would unravel if humans were capable of logic.
I wish that John Wayne would return to walk the Earth as a radioactive zombie.
-
Granted but you lose the ability to eat sandwiches (I know this does not make sense.)
I wish for things wrapped in stuff.
-
Quite okay if it doesn't make sense. I'm hoping someone has an idea what Wayne does while roaming the Earth as a radioactive zombie, though.
Wish granted!
You have brine soaked tuna (raw) wrapped in onion skins.
I wish that I wasn't wondering if I should be bothered by supporting the idea of a dead demon being more important than a hundred innocent lives.
-
Wish granted; the demon kills you
I wish for something unexpected and really really bad to happen
-
Granted! The last thing you expect is for nothing to happen. You die of boredom.
I wish that all gnomes had cheese vision
-
Wish granted! They think you're a cheese and try to eat you.
I wish that lolcats weren't the solution to all the world's problems.
-
Wish granted! The lolcats aren't the solution to the world's problems. Demotivators start saving the world with their words of wisdom.
I wish to wish for something that wasn't wished yet.
-
Wish granted; The great Cod Of The Cape eats your soul and impregnates your mother
I wish I knew what Risada's wish was as to understand the rather scary outcome
-
Wish granted! Risada's wish was for the great Cod of The Cape to walk the land, like some kind of tenacled monster but without the tenacles.
You lose 2d10 SAN.
I wish that I could physically hurt people by making puns.
-
Wish granted; you say a pun to the mirror and die
I wish the word "palindrome" was a palindrome
-
Wish granted!
However, as you don't speak the language of the Hutts, this is of no use to you.
I wish that China would be attacked by zombies.
-
Wish granted; what starts as a small out break in china leads to a world wide zombie war.
I wish for the granter of this wish to be granted two wishes
-
Wish granted. But he's going to donate one to the next poster.
I wish that I could make myself unaware of things...
-
Wish granted; you cut out your eyes, tongue, and nose/nasal cavity. You then stab your self in the ears and surgically remove your nerve endings. That was really disturbing to even type.
I wish I had a dollar for every time someone uses a word with a vowel in it
I wish for a lifetime supply of oreos
-
Wish granted! However, it is in the form of Monopoly money.
Wish granted! You recieve one Oreo. When you eat it, you die a horrible death from poison.
I wish that Survivor was set up so that instead of being voted off the island, losers would be sacrificed in a cannibalistic feast.
-
Wish granted, and the first contestant voted off shall be, Elennsar!
I wish for safe direct brain-computer linkage technology.
-
Wish granted; a mindflayer eats your brain before you can try it
I wish for an immortal lifetime of eating oreos
-
Wish granted! However, you are unable to eat anything other oreos. Sick of the taste after the fifty millionth oreo, you kill yourself to avoid having to eat another oreo.
I wish that a dragon would attack Boston.
-
Wish granted! A dragon attacks Boston when you are visiting it.
I wish the world enters a new glacial age.
-
Wish granted!
You are murdered by a frenzied pack of scientists.
I wish that I was the dragon attacking Boston.
-
Wish granted; Godzilla is visiting Boston and kills you
I wish I knew how to spell palindrome
-
Wish Granted! You even win the Spelling Bee but doing so sparks the jealous hatred of the second-place contestant. He murders you in his sleep (that's right, his sleep).
I wish that finding a job related to writing that didn't suck was easier.
-
Wish granted, you become the next Stephen King. (Yes, that was corrupted...)
I wish for non-poisoned crackers to go with my cheese.
-
Wish Granted! Your cheese is poisoned instead.
I wish that I could sustain my body healthily without the tedium of eating.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, you discover that the price for this is that your body reacts to oxygen as if it was a poison. You die.
I wish that there really had been only one Highlander movie.
-
Granted but it was directed by Uwe Boel (I don't know how to spell his name)
I wish that the next poster is actually the Highlander disguised as an AOL free trial cd.
-
Whoa! That is twisted.
Wish granted! However, suspecting that you are an Immortal, I behead you.
I wish that someone could top Vynar's granting of the Highlander movie wish.
-
Wish Granted! Whatever the hell that movie was, there's no way that it's better than Shoot Em Up.
I wish that you could make me bigger...
-
Wish granted. I could make you bigger. I don't.
I wish for the ability to time travel at will.
-
Wish granted; but it doesn't save you from erasing yourself from exsistence through several million time paradoxes
I wish I could create paradoxes at will without being effected by them in any way
-
Wish granted. You are not effected by any paradoxa. However, they still affect you. Adversely. :P
I wish to exist again.
-
Wish granted! However, in order to stay alive, you must watch at least four hours of Barney a day.
I wish that all of your bases did belong to me.
-
Wish granted; my nuclear launch center blows you to bits
I wish that I was neither affected or effected by my paradoxes
-
Wish granted! You are obliterated from existance, as the surest way to protect you from the consequences of your paradoxs.
I wish that my computer had twice as much hard drive space.
-
Granted! You remove half of the material from the inside of your hard drive with a knife. Makes a nice place to hide the wallet.
I wish that summon elemental monolith allowed for the summoning of an Abe Lincoln elemental.
-
Wish granted!
Unfortunately, the DM, in trying to voice it, chokes on a pretzel and dies.
I wish that I knew whether you meant my wallet or yours...
-
Wish granted! It IS your wallet, does it make you feel better?
I wish I could imitate the graceful flight of a spotted african sparrow.
-
Wish granted! You are shot by the Liliputian equivalant of a big game hunter.
I wish that I could insult people in Polish.
-
Wish granted! You become the first person to accurately use shoe polish to facilitate swearing, unfortunately you are caught disturbing the peace by grafiti-ing in Singapore doing so and are slapped with a $10000 dollar fine, and you are stripped of all shoe polish you were carrying.
I wish I wasnt made of hats
-
Wish granted; you are now made of John McCain flyers and are beaten to death by Obama extremists
I wish I was less tired
-
Wish granted! While driving down the freeway, two of your tyres come free and bounce merrily down the road, causing you to spin out and crash, now you wish you could sleep with your horrible, horrible burns!
I wish that a fish was my favourite dish
-
Wish granted. your favourite dish in now fugu. Specifically, the poisonous parts.
I wish I was as insane as I claim to be.
-
Wish granted; but you will never be as insane as meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I wish for the granting of a sausage to be given to King Henry VIII of Norway on July 32, 1892.3AD
-
Wish granted! A sausage has been.......ooohhh you said GRANT not graft......Well, now he is the proud owner of 2 sausages.....
I wish people didnt walk slowly when Im in a hurry
-
Wish granted; people now walk quickly when you are moving slowly
-
I wish you'd wished for something.
-
Wish granted; I wish Pan Fried Hamster would die a horrible and sudden death three seconds from now
-
Wish granted! However, the demon that did so consumes your mind as payment.
I wish that I had the mind of Sherlock Holmes and the body of a god.
-
Wish granted, you find yourself in the possession of the preserved brain of Sherlock Holmes and the mummified remains of some long forgotten god.
I wish for wealth.
-
Wish granted! However, it is in the form of pennies (or the equivalant if you live outside the United States).
I wish that I knew which god.
-
Wish granted, you are introduced to the god of witches who proceeds to shrink your head.
I wish for a giant CoinStar.
-
granted but it crushes you like Lu Kang's arcade machine fatality.
I wish that pants did not exist.
-
Wish granted! Everyone in the world now only uses skirts and the like...
I wish for an alien invasion to happen.
-
Wish Granted! Non-U.S.-citizen Canadians invade the United States, sparking the third world war.
I wish I was back in college.
-
Wish granted! However, since you make the mistake of looking at one of your teachers in a way that might resemble the wrong way, he gets you expeled for sexual stupidity.
I wish that I knew what I was talking about.
-
Wish granted, you now speak a dead language known only to yourself.
I wish to be uncrushed.
-
Wish granted. Your now uncrushed body is floating gently down from the clouds at about 10,000 feet. Happy landings! ;)
I wish for immortality.
-
Wish granted! You cannot die by any natural means.
However, after ten thousand years, you discover that you have done everything that could possibly interest you, and spend the rest of eternity trying to find a way to die.
I wish that you'd typed immorality, because that would be more fun to twist.
-
Wish granted, but you fail to notice and respond as if he wrote immortality anyway.
I wish for Feather Fall!
-
Wish granted; it rains pillows.
I wish not all wishes would result in immediate injury or death. (Like this one most likely will. >_>)
-
Wish granted!
You get the common cold.
I wish that the next person's wish will be harder to twist.
-
Wish granted; the next person to wish is Hugo, the serial killer standing right behind you and wishes that he can kill you with his axe. Oh, look, his wish was granted!
I wish for immorality, immortality, and inhumanity
-
Um, I said harder to twist. Hugo's wish fails the test.
Moving on.
Wish granted!
You turn into a demon. For reasons unknown to yourself, you manage to piss off the Lord of All Hell, and spend the rest of eternity tormented.
I wish that someone would write up a character sheet for Hugo.
-
Wish granted! You take Pun-pun's sheet and say that it's Hugo's...
I wish for something bad to happen to me.
-
Wish granted! You are mistaken for Bill Gates.
And beaten up by angry nerds.
I wish that Hugo would kill Bill Gates and donate all the scumsucker's money to charity, instead of a fraction of a percent of it.
-
wish granted; he donates it to the Nader party
I wish for Hugo to kill Ralph Nader
-
Wish granted! Ralph Nader returns from the dead as a radioactive zombie. Together with John Wayne, he takes over the world.
I wish that people remembered which wish it was that made Wayne come back as a zombie.
-
Wish granted! You cannot die by any natural means.
However, after ten thousand years, you discover that you have done everything that could possibly interest you, and spend the rest of eternity trying to find a way to die.
So my life goes from having all the time in the world to an eternity of living Groundhog Day?
Sweet! :D
Wish granted, but in remembering which wish made John Wayne come back as a zombie, they didn't notice him approaching hungrily...
I wish zombies, vampires, and all the other things that go bump in the night were real!
-
Yeah, that's probably not particularly twisted. I know that I'd get a kick out of it, at least for a while. After that, I don't know.
Wish granted!
Unfortunately, in this universe, you're a zombie.
John Wayne takes you as a gay lover.
I wish that I was a meaner person.
-
Wish granted!
Unfortunately, in this universe, you're a zombie.
John Wayne takes you as a gay lover.
I wish that I was a meaner person.
That's not mean enough for you? :o
Wish granted, you're a meaner person, therefore all your friends refuse to talk to you anymore, children run crying when you look at them, and animals attack you on sight.
edit: forgot to make a wish! lol
I wish I still had long hair.
-
Yeah, I suppose it is. But I couldn't think of a better wish.
-
Wish granted; it gets caught in a rogue jet engine and you are shredded
I wish to be kill by a rogue paper clip
-
Wish granted, you get sneak attacked for 1+10d6 damage.
I wish to no longer need to sleep.
-
Wish granted. You become physically unable to sleep, and your body does not require sleep to continue working. Your mind, however, does, and before long, you go insane.
I wish for... um... let's go with ponies.
-
Wish granted, they are Hungarian raping ponies.
I wish for sanity.
-
Wish granted; it's Hungarian raping sanity
-
Wish granted! Emissary666 actually starts making wishes instead of trying to derail the thread. Unfortunately, they cause universal misery and despair.
Because my wish is for him to do so, damnit.
-
I have a bad memory
I wish I would remember to wish more often
-
Since there's no way to twist that...moving on with my wish in response.
I wish that I could meet Leonidas, King of Sparta.
-
Wish granted, your lord, King Xercses of Persia, sends you as a messenger to attempt to gain his servitude. Watch out for bottomless pits.
I wish I was Leonidas, King of Sparta.
-
Well, better than nothing. AAAAAIIIIIIEEEE!
Wish granted! However, Xerxes decides to make you his sex slave instead of a corpse.
Oops, forgot my wish.
I wish that 300 didn't make the Spartans look homoerotic.
-
Wish granted, 300 no longer appears to be a bad music video filled with slow-mo shots of over-muscled actors fighting with the exact OPPOSITE style of the real Spartans. Instead, it is now a dry docu-drama featuring mind-numbingly painstaking analysis of their battle tactics.
I wish I didn't have to work today. :-\
-
Wish granted! You die.
I wish that you realized that a dry docu-drama would interest me more than the 300 movie.
-
Granted! He destroys all relevant information except the movie.
I wish that Chuck Norris and Pun-Pun had a child.
-
Wish granted. Chun Chun Norris is so powerful that the universe simply ceases to exist.
I wish I could fly!
-
Wish granted; you turn into a duck and are immediatly shot by a hunter
I wish the Star Wars series would die
-
Wish granted; you turn into a duck and are immediatly shot by a hunter
I wish the Star Wars series would die
Wish granted! 20,000,000 fanboys all sue you for destroying their only "social" outlet.
I wish the next poster's wish comes true exactly as envisioned.
-
Granted until Chun-Chun Norris nullifies it for sport
I wish for a time machine so I could undo this terrible creation!
-
Wish granted; you get rid of your self, just as wished
I wish for free nachos
-
Wish granted! The nachos of the world are granted freedom and never will be food for humans again.
I wish to remain inconspicuous
-
Wish granted! No one ever notices you. Unfortunately, this means you get stepped a lot.
I wish that you (Vas) played GURPS.
-
Wish granted! I DID play gurps, in one game, until my socially unstable telekineticist in a party with a bunch of other unstable people pretty much annihilated each other trying to buy a carton of milk at a shop down the road. Good old disadvantage being capless.
I wish a gish could dish with the swish in a mission.
-
Then we really need to to get you into the GURPS Inquisitor (as in Warhammer 40k) thing at some point.
Wish granted! However, in order to do so, he loses one hit point per class level every minute.
I wish that Sinister was online more.
-
Gurps Inquisitor eh...intelesting, INtelesting.
Wish granted! Sinister is online constantly, the phone line that is, and he cancels his broadband for dial up because it costs too much.
I wish that the worlds poor and hungry could be fed. (Mua ha ha ha)
-
Wish granted. However, the world's rich and well-fed snatch the food for themselves. As usual.
I wish to be immortal and unable to feel pain.
-
Wish granted; our body lives on, but you become brain dead
I wish for a rhyming wish
-
I wish that the people who like to break the system to play gish would be slapped in the belly with a fish.
-
Granted! They enjoy it a bit more than you anticipated causing you to leave the room before you see something you might not want to view.
I wish for robot space pirates riding magic cable boxes from space with ice-cream vision.
-
Granted! Unfortuantely, being pirates, they take slaves for their..."needs". One of them picks you.
By the time they recognize that robots don't have these needs, you're dead.
I wish that Paul Newman was still alive.
-
Wish granted! His spirit possesses you (Elennsar) and comes back to the world of living...
I wish I could skip my remaining 2 months of college...
-
Wish granted, you are expelled and are no longer able to attend any college. Ever.
I wish for a time machine.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, it doesn't work. It sits in your garage gathering dust while you try to find out how to repair it.
I wish that all D&D players would turn into their favorite monster.
-
Wish granted, you're favorite monster was a Dretch, right? Of course it was...
I wish to know how to repair my time machine.
-
Wish granted! As you finish the repairs you watch it activate and transport forward 1000 years in time.
I wish I hadn't loaned out my Tome of Battle.
-
Wish granted! It was stolen instead.
I wish that the anti-Semite whose post (on another site...trust me, no one wants to read it) I just had to read would catch on fire and burn for an eternity. Literally.
-
Wish Granted! Hell is verified as a real place, and he's sent there. Your wish for him to be sent to hell places you there for your eternal reward as well, but in a lesser layer where you are always third in line at the checkout counter.
I wish that the chocolate that I just ate had tasted better.
-
Wish granted! However, it's poisonous.
I wish Gygax (yes, that Gygax) was a vampire.
-
Wish granted! Guess whos place he's turning to for dinner....thats right, yours!
I wish to soar the southern shore with no more than an oar made by Dior
-
Wish granted!
I wish that I could come up with a nasty twist to your wish that would also cause an entertaining consequence to happen to me.
-
Wish granted; you suddenly become a gay masochist! People laugh at you for being a stereotype
I wish I had the ability to make real things false
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, you can't control what things you make false, and wind up ruling yourself out of existance.
I wish that Congress would be eaten by werewolves.
-
Wish granted! However, they all come back as the dreaded were-congress! You are summoned before them.
I wish for the ability to shoot loafs of wonderbread out of my eyes very slowly and painfully.
-
Wish Granted! In addition to the great pain and trauma caused by the 'bread' being extruded by your eye sockets, you are constantly surrounded by stupid people who mistake the wonderbread for food. You are never alone again.
I wish that 'Dungeons and Dragons: 4th edition' had been made in such a a way that I would have wanted to play it.
-
Wish granted. It was! But it was instantly replaced by 5th edition, even more painful than 4th could ever be
I wish for the worlds finest mako shark who is domesticated to follow my instructions alone
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, you are eaten by a shark who hasn't been so domesticated.
I wish I could insult people in Japanese.
-
Wish granted. You decide to try your newly-learned insults on a yakuza boss. Bad idea.
I wish I'd instantly learn everything I got told so I could get easy A's on all subjects without studying.
-
Wish granted; somebody describe the MASSIVE crap they took the other day, you die in horror
I wish for my appendix to shoot fire
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, it has a very short range. You burn to death.
I wish that Ghandi would come back from the dead.
-
Wish granted; Gandhi joins the fast growing hoard of radioactive zombies
I wish I was in Silent Hill
-
Wish granted. You've been written into a copy of a video game, sitting on someone's shelf, never to be played again.
---
I wish I had the best computer in the world.
-
Wish granted. I steal it.
I wish I had already done my French homework.
-
Wish granted. However, the national language of France changes to Swahili, and you homework is viewed as gibberish. You are the only person who knows that the world changed, and you soon go mad.
I wish for antimatter radioactive zombies that annihilate normal radioactive zombies on contact, except in the case that I am one of the zombies in which case only my double is destroyed while I become twice as strong.
-
Wish granted. Sadly, the zombies focus their efferts on all of your belongings, destroying all you own.
---
I wish I had a flying cat.
-
Wish Granted! It's abysmally stupid, plus it poops on the roof and in the attic, rather than in a litter box.
I wish that I were a Werecougar, with only human and cougar forms.
-
Wish Granted! It's abysmally stupid, plus it poops on the roof and in the attic, rather than in a litter box.
I wish that I were a Werecougar, with only human and cougar forms.
Wish granted! You chose poorly when assuming Cougar form so close to hunting season. You do make a great rug, though.
I wish to have completely accurate and encyclopedic knowledge of all things D&D in my head at all times, easily recalled.
-
Wish granted. This new ability makes a Mysterious Top Secret Organization very interested in you. You are never heard from again.
I wish for coffee. In a cup. In my hand.
-
Wish granted. This new ability makes a Mysterious Top Secret Organization very interested in you. You are never heard from again.
I wish for coffee. In a cup. In my hand.
Wish granted! You have one cup full of raw coffee beans.
I wish the Mysterious Top Secret Organization had allowed me one phone call first.
-
Wish granted, the line was busy.
I wish for brewed coffee. In a cup. In my hand.
-
Wish Granted! The coffee is wonderful, but the cup is a scorching hot 451 degrees fahrenheit.
I wish for my rug to be animated as a vampire via Create Greater Undead, so that I'm a Vampiric Werecougar!
-
Wish granted, however you slowly starve to death as part of the rugification process was removal of your teeth.
I wish for heat immunity.
-
Wish granted; you are locked in a freezer
IWISHIWASN'TUSINGCAPSLOCK
-
Wish granted. I sick my bird on your computer keyboard. He pulls off all of the buttons one by one, and then craps on it. There's no salvaging it, trust me.
I wish my bird didn't like destroying computers.
-
Wish granted! Your bird turns into a Kea and starts systematically ripping apart every other thing you own or hold dear.
I wish for equal rights and equality throughout the world (heh heh)
-
Wish granted! However, you are then killed by a priest using a combination of holy water and horse piss (don't ask).
I wish that I wasn't busy right now.
-
Granted! You are locked in a pitch black cell for solitary confinement with nothing to do until you die.
I wish that Chemus's werecougar form was attractive older woman instead of the cat.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, you find yourself to be blind.
I wish that prisoners on death row played D&D.
-
...I wish that Chemus's werecougar form was attractive older woman instead of the cat.
(LOL!!1!)
Wish Granted! I gained the ability to turn from moderately young man into a 'cougar' who was then shot and made into a rug, with teeth removed, and became a vampire. I looked a lot like your mother, and the rug you made of me was very disturbing to her. When I became a vampire, I tried desperately to drink your blood, but only managed to distort your facial features in my attempts to quench my thirst for blood.
I wish I'd thought of the alternate definition of cougar that Vynar recalled.
(Damn! I suck at typing fast. Ninja'd again)
Wish Granted, Elennsar! All D&D players are now on death row.
I wish that I were a faster typist.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, ever post you make has horrible typos which take as long as your posts did before the wish to find and correct.
I wish that it wasn't quite as funny for my previous wish to be granted.
-
Penny arcade is kind of hit or miss for me but I just remembered this comic which is on topic: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/8/29/
Granted! Unfortunately, you had been hired as a stand up comedian. You fail horribly and are the laughing stock of the internet.
I wish that when bitten by batman you become the werebatman with added laser vision.
-
Wish granted! You are also killed by a priest using holy water and horse piss.
I wish that I could convince people that playing role playing games is good for their mental health.
-
Wish granted. Everyone decides they'd rather have poor mental health and decides not to play.
I wish it didn't snow so much here.
-
Wish granted, yet snow becomes the newest currency, and you miss out on a crapload of wealth
I wish I could throw a javelin 600 feet
-
...it is -very- wrong of me to delight at D&D not being played anymore because of my wish, isn't it? Um, anyway.
Wish granted! Unfortunately, the first time you do so, you kill the Pope. And are crushed by the stampede of people who wish to hug you.
I wish that the Pope was an alien with psionic powers.
-
Wish granted. He uses his psionic powers to convert all to his alien belief system, and... uh... yeah.
I wish I had a parrot that I trained to swear.
-
Granted! He swears to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. You are convicted in court.
I wish FDR was wasted during his fireside chats.
-
Granted. The president gives his well-remembered speech "The only thing we have to fear, is a crippling, decade-long depression.*" The world is ruined in riots as people panic.
I wish I had a beer mug that was always cold and frosty, and I also wish for lots of beer.
*stolen from the Onion. Also, another notable article: "FDR's Fireside Chat Just a Stream of Cusswords"
-
Wish granted. Your mug is full of holes.
I wish that I was a high priest of the Pope's alien cult.
-
Granted! Welcome to your new position in Britney Spear's latest project Pope's Alien Cult!
I wish that a large group of pirates had by far the most powerful navy in the world!
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, they're software pirates, so whenever they go to sea, they get seasick.
I wish that I knew if Britney Spears being abreviated to BS means anything.
-
I wish that I knew if Britney Spears being abreviated to BS means anything.
And of course, it's also an anagram of Presbyterians :o
-
Granted! You have uncovered a clue to the great cheese conspiracy and are murdered to hide the truth.
I wish it was October 21st already so I could go to the Amon Amarth and Ensiferum concert.
-
Wish granted!
I wish that I wasn't lazy.
-
Wish granted. You spend hours needlessly adding extra detail to your wishes. Sadly, you miss out on something really fun while granting a wish.
I wish D&D 5.0 would come out.
-
Wish granted! It sucks even worse than 5e, because it was created by people who think games with rules for paper cuts are "too simplified".
I wish I knew what I missed.
-
Granted but you forget everything else.
I wish Zeke had vodka vision.
-
I wish Zeke had vodka vision.
Wish granted. Unfortunately, Josh gains heat vision at the same time, and the Brilliant Gameologists are killed in an explosion.
I wish Vynar had vodka vision.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, the resulting mental images make him tear out his eyes and swallow them in the desperate hope that they'll go away.
I wish that I could remember to keep its and it's straight.
-
Wish granted. You now know that it's is really "it is" and its' refers to something belonging to "it"... but you're absolutely confused when it comes to their and there... commonly confused among most english speakers... so embarrassing.
I wish I wasn't going to have a hangover tomorrow cuz I'm definitely tipsy right now... Oh god make the floor stop spinning. I have to walk on it you know.
-
Wish granted!
You fall and break your neck.
[spoiler] After returning as a ghost, you discover that the only difference between that and being alive is that A) ghosts don't pay income tax and B) ghosts can't have sex. [/spoiler]
I wish that I knew who Bob was.
-
Granted! You discover that you are Bob.
I wish for pancakes and syrup.
-
I wish for pancakes and syrup.
Wish granted. The pancakes are made from Peter Pan. Captain Hook is so happy about you killing his arch-enemy that he invites you aboard his ship. He then tries to make you walk the plank, 'cuz he's crazy like that. However, the syrup turned out to contain nitroglycerine, and you explode.
I wish I could use... KNIFE EYE ATTACK!!!
-
Wish granted. As you try it out, you find out it involves you stabbing yourself in the eye with a knife and then running around screaming until further notice.
I wish to roll twenties.
-
Wish granted. Unfortunately, the ability to roll (up) twenty dollar bills does nothing to change your luck at gaming.
I wish that I knew whether granting someone's wish (without specifying anything) was lazy or subtlely insulting.
-
Granted! Your answer waits inside a fortune cookie which you are to lazy too open in addition to worrying about how insulting it would be if you did not enjoy the cookie.
I wish for immunity to all poison and venom.
-
Granted. Unfortunately, you contract a deadly disease, and the only cure is derived from snake venom and your body's reaction to said venom.
I wish, I wish, I hadn't killed that fish.
-
Granted! But the police won't forgive you for that triple homicide.
I wish for 777 things, 11 boxes of stuff, and 893 pairs of pants.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, they're all the wrong size.
I wish that life was like a Yu-gi-oh episode, but not quite as stupid.
-
Granted! Your hair is so spikey that you're a danger to yourself and others. You have to be arrested.
I wish it weren't so cloudy outside.
-
Wish granted! The sun burns a hole through my prison and I am released havoc across the world. Oh, and it's comfortably sunny where you are.
I wish that I knew if there was any significance to having spikey hair or if it is just bad art (in anime/magna).
-
Wish granted. As you are on your way to a press conference where you're going to reveal the secret, you are mugged and shot.
I wish for more originality in the twisting of wishes.
-
Wish granted! Unfortuantely, your death is the price that the demon Murphey demands in order to ensure more amusing twists.
I wish that the guy who drew Calvin and Hobbes was president of the United States.
-
Granted! Bill Waterson is now president of the United States. Onfortunately, his awesome skills as a comic book writer do not help him to better our economy. Sadly, he's way to busy doing president-things to even consider starting his comic back up again.
I wish I didn't have so much cake.
-
Wish granted! You are forever without cake.
I wish that someone would find a fantasy race even more annoying than Kender.
-
Wish granted! Let me introduce you to the kender/kobold-were rat.
I wish I had more cake.
-
I wish I had more cake.
Wish granted, but you can't have your cake and eat it too.
I wish to be an emoticon.
-
Wish granted. :grave
I wish for an animal companion.
-
Wish Granted! Your three-toed-sloth animal companion hampers your movement and has green algae in its fur. Neato!
I wish that I could control flames without them touching me.
-
I wish that I could control flames without them touching me.
Wish granted! You're a firehose.
I wish my roommate's HDTV and amazing sound system weren't along an adjoining wall to my room.
-
Wish granted! He moves them into your room.
I wish that I could sing.
-
Granted but you may never speak.
I wish that Stargate SG1 was real.
-
Granted. Earth is once again subjegated by a very powerful race pretending to be Egyptian gods.
I wish I knew what to wish for.
-
Wish granted! You know exactly what to wish for. In fact, you have crafted the most ingeniously perfect wish that has ever been dreamt up. But to share it? Are you crazy? Then other people could use it, and it's yours. Don't sacrifice the genius and purity of your wish like that.
I wish I could make the elevator arrive faster by pressing the button more often.
-
Wish granted! However, because you pressed it so fast, it goes off again before you can board it. You wind up having to wait just as long.
I wish that Bill Gates wasn't a telepathic alien monster.
-
Wish Granted! He's native.
I wish that I won the Powerball jackpot as a sole winner this week.
-
Wish granted! However, your ID is stolen so someone else gets the money.
I wish that I could fly like a bird.
-
Wish granted. Good luck on the landing part...
I wish I weren't so freaking hyper right now.
-
Wish granted! Suddenly you feel so weak that you can't even stand up.
I wish I had people to playtest my homebrew.
-
I wish to own a giant pile of flawless diamonds.
A giant pile of flawless diamonds falls on top of you and kills you. Within the pile are legal documents that back up your claim of ownership. Unfortunately, you're still dead.
I wish the cake was not a lie.
The cake is not a lie. As an odd side effect, everything the Sage ever said is suddenly true also, although none of the Sage's words change. Also, the Frosting is a lie.
I wish they hadn't changed my headache medicine to prescription-only.
-
I wish I had people to playtest my homebrew.
Wish granted. Too bad they don't have any dice.
I wish they hadn't changed my headache medicine to prescription-only.
Wish granted. Now, with it over the counter, everyone buys out the stock and there's none left.
I wish I didn't have a bunch of chores to do.
-
Wish granted! You're a father! You have a lot more than just a bunch of chores to do now.
I wish that Robby's kid grows up to take over the world.
-
Granted! Hopefully for the rest of you she takes after her mother and not her father!
I wish I could relax enough to actually get some sleep!
Wish granted! You're a father! You have a lot more than just a bunch of chores to do now.
No kidding!
-
Granted! Enjoy your coma.
I wish for a new hat.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, you look absolutely hideous in it. And when you try and take it off, it refuses to come off.
I wish that I had pictures of your ugly hat.
-
Granted! Your mind explodes from the terrible image.
I wish that Zeke was admitted into the Legion of Doom.
-
Wish Granted!! But due to Zeke's awesomeness, everyone else left...
I wish I could eat a cake.
-
Granted but you can't digest it.
I wish Meg was in the Justice League and Josh was in the Ice Cream Man Brigade I just invented.
-
Granted. However, Josh now looks like Clint Howard in Ice Cream Man!
(http://www.best-horror-movies.com/image-files/ice-cream-man-dvd-cover.jpg)
I wish I hadn't seen that picture.
-
Granted! Instead you make Josh look like your favorite female porn star.
I wish that every broadcast system in the world would simultaneously broadcast that boots with the fur song that annoys me.
-
Granted. You slowly start liking the song just enough to keep listening.
I wish kids would come to my house and give me candy for Halloween.
-
Granted! But it is that nasty lobster candy I still remember getting years ago.
I wish that every member of this forum would trick or treat in Sibera. At least I have my coat on. (Some friends want me to tick or treat. I am going as some dude who was to lazy to make a costume. If possible make my costume something interesting while you are at it :P)
-
Granted! We all freeze to death! Way to go!
I wish you hadn't gotten us all killed!
-
Wish granted; we all rises as zombies
I wish my Amazon order would come in.
-
Wish Granted! An Amazon arrives and enslaves you for labor; she doesn't think you're strong enough to have as a slave-consort.
I wish that I had better organization skills.
-
Wish granted! Unfortunately, when you die, you are sent to Hell, and find yourself in a situation like Tantalus...the more you organize things, the messier they get.
I wish that this thread won't die after it finishes 50 pages worth of wishes.
-
Granted! It dies on 49.
I wish I'd get a positive result from one or more of my job applications.
-
You do, and the one that comes back happens to be the job I work at currently! (AC and some others will get this one... I hope...)
I wish I had a lifetime supply of chocolate ice cream.
-
Wish Granted! You have a one-cup scoop of chocolate ice cream. Enjoy the rest of your life.
I wish that the Myth PBP game hadn't died.
-
It hasn't.... but you have. By falling sheet of glass. Like Final Destination 2.
I wish the Rebalancing Project would move along.
-
Wish granted! It's not moving in the direction you want! :P
I wish I could get more sleep each night!
-
Granted! You prick your finger and fall into a magical sleep that can only be broken by the kiss of a handsome prince. :lol
I wish I could fly.
-
Wish granted. You are flagged as a UFO and shot down.
I wish Mountain Dew was healthy for you, but still tasted the same.
-
Wish granted. It grants me eternal life, and is poisonous for everyone else, while still tasting the same.
I wish for chocolate.
-
Wish granted. It contains a laxative.
I wish I was immune to the poison in your Mountain Dew.
-
Granted but you are now allergic to oxygen.
I wish that I asked for the ability to transform particle board to vodka but the thread ended so I was never given this power.
-
Wish granted! Before you had a chance to make that wish, this thread exceeded the total HD capacity of the internet, causing a world-wide crash. Thanks to you, BBSes have become popular again!
I wish I had more time to play video games and RPGs!
-
Wish granted! You lose your job and your D&D group disbans.
I wish my old D&D group would get back together and we could play at a near-by location.
-
Wish Granted! You now have a sewer to play D&D in. The only trouble is the feces, trash and rats. Oh, and the insects and disease.
I wish that everyone was sensible.
-
Wish granted! Now you have no one to make fun of.
I wish when it snowed, it wouldn't accumulate on roads.
-
Wish granted! It all accumulates on your driveway and front walk.
I wish Obama survives his term(s) as President and passes peacefully at a ripe old age.
-
I wish Obama survives his term(s) as President and passes peacefully at a ripe old age.
Wish granted. However, Lelouch Lamperouge arrives to congratulate him... while drunk. A few minutes later, Lelouch is seen running from the White House in tears, screaming "Not again! NOT AGAIN!" :o (Watch Code Geass and you'll understand - needless to say, we're all screwed)
I wish for a Geass which never grows in power.
-
Granted but you can never again taste cheese.
I wish for the core 3.5 rule books to be in-game artifacts which the players can use to alter the rules of the world with a pen and some white out.
-
Wish granted! Now your game is ruined by people who don't really understand anything about it, but have a pen and white-out just the same.
I wish I didn't have to worry about other idiots while I'm driving.
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Wish I didn't have to worry about other idiots while I'm driving.
Wish granted! But now everyone else is such a better driver that they all wish you'd get off the roads.
I wish that the rest of the world also operated on a 36 hour day.
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Wish granted!
The world now operates on a 36 hour day, with each hour being 40 minutes long. Shifts are usually 12 hours long.
I wish there were more giant robots in the world.
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Wish granted! Unfortunately someone programed them to be giant sized terminators.
I wish I had my mind in a functional body of one of those Cyberdine Systems Model 101 terminators.
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The world now operates on a 36 hour day, with each hour being 40 minutes long. Shifts are usually 12 hours long.
w00t. My shifts would actually be shorter. ;)
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Wish granted! Unfortunately someone programed them to be giant sized terminators.
I wish I had my mind in a functional body of one of those Cyberdine Systems Model 101 terminators.
Wish granted! Unfortunately, you're the poor sap of a T101 that is sent back and subsequently squished by a feisty Sarah Connor.
I wish I could travel all over the world.
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Wish granted! Unfortunately, while your jet goes all over the place, it never lands.
I wish deer would stop running in front of my car.
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Wish granted! They stop running and just stare.
I wish that the next person's wish doesn't come true.
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I wish that the next person's wish doesn't come true.
Wish granted! ... er, sucks to be me I guess.
I wish for something completely inconsequential, because it won't come true anyway.
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Time for a new thread...
Continue on HERE (http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=2819.msg86526#msg86526)