The worst thing to say during sex...

[GawainBS]

While fingering "Oh, I hope you'll like the dish with hot pepper I just prepared. No, I didn't wash my hands. Why?"

I had this happen with a friend who put in his contactlenses...

[Dictum Mortuum]

"Come here and give me something to chew on!" ~said by one of my friends to her boyfriend. Clearly, he lost "it."

Now my balls feel funny

@GawainBS: that is even worse

[j0lt]

Oh, on a brighter note: I went to bed earlier, and I put my bokto (or bokuto, a wooden training sword) beside me under the sheets. I tend to dote on it, just for laughs because she was more or less opposed to me practising Iaido.

Bokken is the word I use for a wooden training sword. Probably a different sword, though.

I used to say bokken when I practised martial arts in Canada, but since I moved to Japan, I discovered that nobody here uses that word.  They all say bokuto.

back on topic...
When she's on top: "Hey, can you grab me a beer real quick?"

[bhu]

"y'know when you're all out of breath like that you sound like your mom.  What?  What'd I say??"

[AfterCrescent]

While she's reaching for your junk: Come here, Mr. Snuggles.

[CountArioch]

I find that breaking wind is a bad idea in most cases.  I do know a lady where that's not the case.

[j0lt]

While it's not really "saying" something, playing AC/DC's Whole Lotta Rosie while with a girl who's concerned about her weight is probably not a good idea. :couch

[GawainBS]

While it's not really "saying" something, playing AC/DC's Whole Lotta Rosie while with a girl who's concerned about her weight is probably not a good idea. :couch

[Mister_Sinister]

If this has already been mentioned, I apologise.

"I used to be a man."

[BobismyRhino]

While she's reaching for your junk: Come here, Mr. Snuggles.

Oh, come on! That was funny!

[AfterCrescent]

Her: Oh God! That was amazing. Where did you learn how to do that?
Him: I practice with your father on the weekends...

[BobismyRhino]

 

[Mister_Sinister]

Let me guess... replace 'father' with 'mother', and you got that line handed to ya, Bobismyrhino?

[AfterCrescent]

Nope. She gets things handed to her with the word father in place. It's much more disturbing

[Kuroimaken]

Bokken is the word I use for a wooden training sword. Probably a different sword, though.

To settle the debate. Both are correct. A little known fact about Japanese Kanji is that the majority of them have two readings. Both Bokken and Bokutou use the same Kanji (Wood + Sword). The Kanji for sword can be readed either as ken or tou, depending on which reading you use, and that also determines how the word is written. Bokken is likely less used due to its similarity with the word "bouken" (adventure), but it's just as correct as bokutou.

Back on topic.  

Him: "So you're from Texas, right?"
Her: "How do you know that?"
Him: "It's just that you ride so well..."

Okay, not that funny.

"Purple Head, I choose you!"

Which reminds me of the several different ways of describing masturbation, like "wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake".

[Irthos Levethix]

Her: Oh God! That was amazing. Where did you learn how to do that?
Him: I practice with your father on the weekends...

I can't wait till I get to see my girlfriend again.  Boy, is she gonna have some words for me...

[bhu]

"Why is it I always mentally envision Kenny Rogers whenever we do it?"

[Kuroimaken]

I got a reply to that one.

"And how do you manage to STILL make it work?"

[soudou]

This is normally where I'd make a comment about Estelle Getty.

But she's dead now, so that's not nice.

edit: also, DAMMIT AfterCrescent, this is your doing.  Now I'm going to end up perusing the entire damn BG forum.  My wife is going to murder me in my sleep.   :-\

[AfterCrescent]

MUAHAHAHA