Brilliant Gameologists Forum
General Gab => Off Topic Fun => : AfterCrescent August 10, 2008, 07:24:05 AM
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Inspired by THIS COMIC STRIP (http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=810)!
What's the worse thing you have ever said/heard said to you during/directly after climax?
Bobismyrhino (http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?action=profile;u=365) bombarded me by making the noises Wall-E makes when it finds something fascinating.
My retaliation a few days later was to whisper in her ear: "You smell like your father."
So yeah, let's hear some of your worst... :P
PS: This thread was totally her idea... >.>
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Baby, I...I...I have AIDS.
It only works once, and is only fun for a few moments, But it can quickly get out of hand.
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Yeah. I meant to say that the standard "I have _____" Where blank is any disease is kind of predictable. ;) Let's shoot for originality. :P
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PS: This thread was totally her idea... >.>
I see what you did thar!
Also, you forgot the oh, so amusing: *as guy is finishing* Girl exclaims, "Oh! I need to call my mom." These exclamations are merely moments of clarity.
And of course, making ewok noises during sex... (This is from my favorite story that my friend told me).
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Originality is so...Original.
But...My friends and I have a game where we each call one another when were are about to finish. This is normally bad. We have a point system setup.
1 Point-You make the Call
2 points-She lets you finish
5 Points-She gets on the line
10 Points-She gets on the Line and Says "this ones for _______" where _______ is the guy who shes with name.
This is fun Only one of us has ever gotten 10 points at the same time.
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"I find the best type of birth control is to point at it and laugh." Junko.
For me? If she starts talking about me growing a beard, for some reason I lose interest.
It isn't that I can't grow one, I just don't like how my own face feels if I don't shave for more than two days. And for some reason I lose my erection whenever my girl mentions it. I think she knows this, and is using it to make me quit wanting sex outright.
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"My secretary so enjoyed this too!"
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Women: "Wait, I need to put my condom on."
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"Luke, I am your father."
(You didn't say it had to be heterosexual.)
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"Luke, I am your father."
(You didn't say it had to be heterosexual.)
"Look, I am your father" works as well.
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"Oh thank God, I was worried this was too soon after last time."
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"Is it in?"
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"Wait, what's that?" [As he or she reveals their lower region.]
EDIT: "Oh, I've already got one of those, nevermind."
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An elderly couple, after dancing around it for months, finally decides to do the dirty. With great effort, the 85 year-old man gets it up and they proceed to have some fun, then as he was grunting on top of her and feeling the onset of orgasm, the woman, who had been staring at the ceiling in what he assumed to be rapture, says, "Green. Yes, we should paint the ceiling green."
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An elderly couple, after dancing around it for months, finally decides to do the dirty. With great effort, the 85 year-old man gets it up and they proceed to have some fun, then as he was grunting on top of her and feeling the onset of orgasm, the woman, who had been staring at the ceiling in what he assumed to be rapture, says, "Green. Yes, we should paint the ceiling green."
You win one thread. Congratulations. :P
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I have one.
My ex knew this dude on WoW. He was a night elf hunter called Cliche, and he had a tiger pet named Trite.
For some reason, for a period of about two or three weeks, my ex wouldn't shut up about the guy.
One time, she decided to bring it up when we were having sex. I was close to reaching Shangri-La, when she started it up.
"Yeah, I know this guy who plays a night elf hunter."
"I don't care"
"But he named his character Cliche"
"I know, you've told me"
"But he has a tiger pet"
"Yes, I know, please stop"
"No, his pet is named..."
"GODDAMMIT, HE'S A NIGHT ELF HUNTER WHO'S FUCKING NAME IS CLICHE AND HIT PET IS A TIGER NAMED TRITE! YOU'VE FUCKING TOLD ME THREE TIMES THIS WEEK, I FUCKING KNOW!"
At that point, I was completely flaccid, so I rolled over, pulled the blanket over my head, and said "Good night"
She bitched at me about how she didn't understand how I could be in the middle of sex then suddenly not want it anymore.
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[quote author=CountArioch link=topic=1428.msg37945#msg37945 date=1218417884
She bitched at me about how she didn't understand how I could be in the middle of sex then suddenly not want it anymore.
[/quote]
Happened to me before. Its why you are supposed to make out with her while in missionary position.
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Happened to me before. Its why you are supposed to make out with her while in missionary position.
Actually, I was too busy ruing the day I married the bitch.
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Happened to me before. Its why you are supposed to make out with her while in missionary position.
Actually, I was too busy ruing the day I married the bitch.
Try doggy style, just to shove her face into a pillow if you know what I mean.
***
Have another.
"I think my water just broke."
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Happened to me before. Its why you are supposed to make out with her while in missionary position.
Actually, I was too busy ruing the day I married the bitch.
Try doggy style, just to shove her face into a pillow if you know what I mean.
That would involve me having sex with her again. I'd rather eat razor wire, pull it out my ass, anf floss myself to death.
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I'd rather eat razor wire, pull it out my ass, anf floss myself to death.
That's the most creative suicide I've read in at least 24 hours. Props.
In other news, with this post I overtake Strat as the fourth most prolific member on this forum. There's probably something wrong with me.
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I'd rather eat razor wire, pull it out my ass, anf floss myself to death.
That's the most creative suicide I've read in at least 24 hours. Props.
Sorry to spoil it, but I didn't make that up. It's a Yahtzee quote.
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"Have...have you always made chipmunk noises during orgasm???"
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“whoops, my scab just fell off.”
“can I lick your armpit?”
“can I cum in your nose?”
“did any of my shit just get om you?”
“I can't stop peeing in your vagina.”
“Jets(snap), Jets(snap), Jets(snap), Jets(snap), Jets(snap), Jets(snap), Jets(snap)”
“Your Mom is surprisingly tighter than you are.”
“I haven't been fucked like that since grade school”*
“Hey, which hole am I in?”
“If you don't mind, I would like to check your vagina for knives”
“I need to get something from my car. Do you want to masturbate or should I get my roommate to keep you fluffed?”
“Hold on I need to adjust my webcam.”
“I don't have anal beads, just use these d20's.”
“What's your name? My syphilis makes me forgetful.”
“Gonorrhea is way worse than chlamydia or crabs.”
“Does my penis feel cancerous”
“I want to have your abortion”*
“Is this a boil or a pimple?”**
“I wrapped my dick in bacon”
“your Mom is in my trunk.”
“Should I have put a condom on?”
“Did you eat peanuts?”
“one of my hemorrhoids burst”
“can I staple your nipple?”
“Ohhhh, I think my penis just fell off. Stupid leprosy.”
“UNHHH, ENHHHH, ARGGGGG, OHHHHHH. I just came all over your cell phone.”
“Is it extra to cum on your face or is that part of the basic package?”
“you would fetch a pretty penny in the white slave trade.”
“would you have my flipper baby?”
“Is my superfluous testicle throwing you off?”
“are you interested in a threeway with my Mom?”
“what part of New Jersy would you like your body dumped?”
“STOP! Look down at the ground, I just lost my nipple.”
“does my penis look real?”
“You are not doing it for me. Got any friends I might want to fuck?”
“have you ever fucked a Canadian?”
“will this be your first time going anal-oral?”
“lets shit on each other”
“can I leave my diaper on?”
“I need to reinflate my penis”
“hold my colostomy bag.”
“who's you favorite New Kid? Call me Donnie.”***
“your anus looks like Samuel L Jackson”
“my tapeworm just broke”
“all semen has a little blood in it”
“can I put my turtle on your back?”
* Fight club
** Simpsons
*** Mall Rats
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“I wrapped my dick in bacon”
“UNHHH, ENHHHH, ARGGGGG, OHHHHHH. I just came all over your cell phone.”
“does my penis look real?”
:-\ These are the only ones in that post that made me laugh.
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World of Warcraft...
Hate... levels... rising...
*cut to news*
This just in! Blizzard Entertainment has been leveled by a mysterious explosion! :fo
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Oh, did we forgot to add water to it?
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I'm going down on my girlfriend, she's screaming, bucking, moaning, legs twitching. Right as she's about to blow, I suddenly stop, look up and:
Me: Love?
Her: -panting noises that vaguely sound like acknowledgement-
Me: Did you know that you can save 15% or more on your car insura- (Her hands suddenly shoot down and start clawing my goddamn shoulders.) OH GOD OH GOD I'M SORRY OH GOD
But it was worth it.
I think.
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“whoops, my scab just fell off.”
“did any of my shit just get om you?”
“Hold on I need to adjust my webcam.”
“I don't have anal beads, just use these d20's.”
“I want to have your abortion”*
“Should I have put a condom on?”
“all semen has a little blood in it”
Josh, you sir, are a twisted individual. I applaude you.
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You look just like your sister from back here.
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I think "you look just like your brother from back here" would be worse.
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"My god, your thighs are big."
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You know, many of these stuff is likely to end with the guy that said it in the graveyard minus the bits that make him a guy...
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You know, many of these stuff is likely to end with the guy that said it in the graveyard minus the bits that make him a guy...
This thread reminds me of Fable. If you read any of the graves, they have witty little jokes in place of epitaphs.
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That was amazing Josh. I think I'm crying from laughing so hard.
Guy: Oh yeah, Alice.
Girl: *whispers* It's Alex.
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Could be short for Alexandra, but nothing will save the guy from the "gun" poking him in the groin... :o
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Ah, I just chose a girl->guy name. Works well with Mary->Mark; Janice->Jack, etc.
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Yeah, but even Alex, when it isn't used as a nickname for a name like Alexandra, is sometimes used as a female name. :-\ If definitely works for the others you mentioned though.
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Joan -> John
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I knew I'd love this thread. :lol
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My friends and I had a contest to see who could come up with the best line to throw out at the moment of orgasm. The winner was:
"Cleanup on aisle twelve!"
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"Y'know I've never noticed before this but your sweat smells like popcorn butter..."
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"Didn't i put a condom on?"
:p
As a matter of fact, i had. But when i finished it wasn't there anymore :P We searched the sheets and the bed, the condom was nowhere to be found. I looked at her and she looked me back. She starting hitting me and threw me out of the room until she found it :P
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"Didn't i put a condom on?"
:p
As a matter of fact, i had. But when i finished it wasn't there anymore :P We searched the sheets and the bed, the condom was nowhere to be found. I looked at her and she looked me back. She starting hitting me and threw me out of the room until she found it :P
Yeah, I've had that happen before. It's worse when you pull out and only find half the condom still on you.
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Some background first: My ex was from an extreme prudish catholic family.
My ex-girlfriend and I were making out, and we're about to get it on, when I ask her "Didn't you say you wanted to use a condom?" (She was taking the pill.) So, she gets up, takes a condom, tosses it in my lap, and goes over to the PC to check her mail... I was... dumbfounded, and got dressed again. After a while, she asks completely unaware of anything "Is it on yet?"
Another time, we were having foreplay, and suddenly, she takes a tissue and wipes between her legs. I asked what was the matter and she said "I was getting too wet."
Last anecdote: Making love, she sits on top. Suddenly, she says "I can't keep this up, this position presses to hard on my clitoris and I'm going to cum. Let's stop." ...I mean, isn't that the whole point? :looloo
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Last anecdote: Making love, she sits on top. Suddenly, she says "I can't keep this up, this position presses to hard on my clitoris and I'm going to cum. Let's stop." ...I mean, isn't that the whole point? :looloo
Yeah, this calls for one of those witty "You're doing it wrong" pictures... but I'm too lazy to dig one up.
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Well, I think I understand why she's an ex-. :lol
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For PhaedrusXY:
(http://www.gamerevolution.com/images/blogpics/doinitwrong.jpg)
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She had some other strange habbits. Going down on her was "Too much fun" and "shouldn't be done anyway, a girl having fun (from sex)."
Those were some pretty wrong things to say.
Oh, on a brighter note: I went to bed earlier, and I put my bokto (or bokuto, a wooden training sword) beside me under the sheets. I tend to dote on it, just for laughs because she was more or less opposed to me practising Iaido.
She gets in bed, feels the bokto, looks at my quizically and I start "Look, I still love you, but what you feel is for the bokto and..."
After a few minutes, she could laugh with it.
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Bokken is the word I use for a wooden training sword. Probably a different sword, though.
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I think it's the same thing. My trainers have referred to it as a bokken, sometimes. Personally, I think a bokken is slightly longer... Maybe that why she was so pissed! I should have brought a bokken to the sheets!
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No, that would've given her too much pleasure, and then you'd have to stop. :P
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No, that would've given her too much pleasure, and then you'd have to stop. :P
Right, rub it in. :p
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" Is that your belly button ... (spooge) "
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I've heard this before and it might of been on the one of gleemax forums so sorry if I can't give credit.
guy tells says "can I put my thumb in your belly button"
Looks quizically and says "okaaaayyy"
seconds later
girl says "thats not my belly button"
guy says"that sure as hell is not my thumb either"
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I've heard this before and it might of been on the one of gleemax forums so sorry if I can't give credit.
guy tells says "can I put my thumb in your belly button"
Looks quizically and says "okaaaayyy"
seconds later
girl says "thats not my belly button"
guy says"that sure as hell is not my thumb either"
"If you know what I'm talking about. And I think you know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about my penis."
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"What's young, dumb, and full of cum?"
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A: Any generic young male.
B: Any generic young female having sex.
;)
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"What's young, dumb, and full of cum?"
One of my acquiantances use that line as his MSN handle. I very much believe that it is an empty boast...
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"Come here and give me something to chew on!" ~said by one of my friends to her boyfriend. Clearly, he lost "it."
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While fingering "Oh, I hope you'll like the dish with hot pepper I just prepared. No, I didn't wash my hands. Why?"
I had this happen with a friend who put in his contactlenses...
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"Come here and give me something to chew on!" ~said by one of my friends to her boyfriend. Clearly, he lost "it."
Now my balls feel funny :p
@GawainBS: that is even worse :P
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Oh, on a brighter note: I went to bed earlier, and I put my bokto (or bokuto, a wooden training sword) beside me under the sheets. I tend to dote on it, just for laughs because she was more or less opposed to me practising Iaido.
Bokken is the word I use for a wooden training sword. Probably a different sword, though.
I used to say bokken when I practised martial arts in Canada, but since I moved to Japan, I discovered that nobody here uses that word. They all say bokuto.
back on topic...
When she's on top: "Hey, can you grab me a beer real quick?"
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"y'know when you're all out of breath like that you sound like your mom. What? What'd I say??"
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While she's reaching for your junk: Come here, Mr. Snuggles.
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I find that breaking wind is a bad idea in most cases. I do know a lady where that's not the case.
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While it's not really "saying" something, playing AC/DC's Whole Lotta Rosie while with a girl who's concerned about her weight is probably not a good idea. :couch
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While it's not really "saying" something, playing AC/DC's Whole Lotta Rosie while with a girl who's concerned about her weight is probably not a good idea. :couch
:lol
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If this has already been mentioned, I apologise.
"I used to be a man." (http://www.sexylosers.com/008.html)
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While she's reaching for your junk: Come here, Mr. Snuggles.
Oh, come on! That was funny!
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Her: Oh God! That was amazing. Where did you learn how to do that?
Him: I practice with your father on the weekends...
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:chairhit
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Let me guess... replace 'father' with 'mother', and you got that line handed to ya, Bobismyrhino? :P
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Nope. She gets things handed to her with the word father in place. It's much more disturbing :P
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Bokken is the word I use for a wooden training sword. Probably a different sword, though.
To settle the debate. Both are correct. A little known fact about Japanese Kanji is that the majority of them have two readings. Both Bokken and Bokutou use the same Kanji (Wood + Sword). The Kanji for sword can be readed either as ken or tou, depending on which reading you use, and that also determines how the word is written. Bokken is likely less used due to its similarity with the word "bouken" (adventure), but it's just as correct as bokutou.
Back on topic.
Him: "So you're from Texas, right?"
Her: "How do you know that?"
Him: "It's just that you ride so well..."
Okay, not that funny.
"Purple Head, I choose you!"
Which reminds me of the several different ways of describing masturbation, like "wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake".
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Her: Oh God! That was amazing. Where did you learn how to do that?
Him: I practice with your father on the weekends...
I can't wait till I get to see my girlfriend again. Boy, is she gonna have some words for me...
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"Why is it I always mentally envision Kenny Rogers whenever we do it?"
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I got a reply to that one.
"And how do you manage to STILL make it work?"
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This is normally where I'd make a comment about Estelle Getty.
But she's dead now, so that's not nice.
edit: also, DAMMIT AfterCrescent, this is your doing. Now I'm going to end up perusing the entire damn BG forum. My wife is going to murder me in my sleep. :-\
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MUAHAHAHA :lol
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edit: also, DAMMIT AfterCrescent, this is you're doing. Now I'm going to end up perusing the entire damn BG forum. My wife is going to murder me in my sleep. :-\
Minus the murder part, this is a bad thing?
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"Wow. And I thought only my little sister made that noise when I did this to her..."
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Heh. You and my dog, Fluffy, make the same noises. :D
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Is that supposed to smell like moldy cheese?
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"So, I figure after this you kind of owe me: mind signing divorce papers?" (Said by either a very narcissistic man or pretty much any stereotypical woman, as portrayed by the recent media.)
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I forget where I heard it, but here's my contribution:
"Happy birthday Grandma!"
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I forget where I heard it, but here's my contribution:
"Happy birthday Grandma!"
I think it's in one of the webcomics linked to this thread.
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Heh. Yeah. it is. Questionable Content.
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Ah, QC... :D
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"Honey..I have to ask this...I mean I'd have asked before but I didn't want to miss out on the whole orgasm thing...but now that were sharing post-coital bliss...why do you have a metal spatula in your ass?"
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"I think your vagina just bit me!"
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Vagina with teeth.... *shudder*
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Vagina with teeth.... *shudder*
I encountered it in one or the other fantasy novel. I had nightmares for days about that passage.:P
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Funnily enough, that is not a new thing. They call it vagina dentata.
Just thought I'd share. You can stop throwing up now.
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Vagina with teeth.... *shudder*
Yeah, I was preying off of your deep-rooted fear to come up with that one... :D
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Vagina with teeth.... *shudder*
Rent the movie "Teeth" :D
You'll like it I swear :D
Not giggling internally as I type this either :D
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That's like when someone tells me to google two girls one cup. I'm not stupid. I'm not going to do it, either. :P
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Read this review of it (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article93.htm) then. It will keep you amused, if nothing else.
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Teeth actually has an 82% positive rating at Rotten Tomatoes...
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"Bring on the fluggegecheimen!"
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send in the MALP
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Malicious Ass-Leering Proctologists?
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Malicious Ass-Leering Proctologists?
While that is funny, I was thinking more of the Mobile Analytic Laboratory Probe
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Another Stargate SG-1 fan? Nice :)
Also, this conversation about ass-exploration makes me think of that Spelunker build on the old boards :P
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Vagina with teeth.... *shudder*
Hole's a hole. Whatever.
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In times of war, every trench is a sweet spot
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Yeah, you both can go ahead and put a pair of dentures around your penis. Then have sex with a girl. When her vagina contracts and the dentures rip your penis in half, come back with a full report. :P
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Yeah, you both can go ahead and put a pair of dentures around your penis. Then have sex with a girl. When her vagina contracts and the dentures rip your penis in half, come back with a full report. :P
Mouth has teeth too, you just need to teach the girl to use them right.
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Mouth doesn't violently contract when she orgasms, though.
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The word 'pencil sharpener' comes to mind...
Bad experience *shudders*
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Mouth doesn't violently contract when she orgasms, though.
Pffft, who gives a crap about her orgasm? Just be fast enough, I know you can do it.
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:lol
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:fu
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And we have a winner. :clap
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Reminds me of a crappy joke:
A man with nerdish looks and definite lack of sexual experience walks into a brothel asking for service. All the women know he will be an easy job, who can be treated any way they want. Then one of the hookers, a mean lady too, comes next to the man and tells him to follow her. They get into a room and the man starts to undress himself and when he's all out of clothes the girl laughs a bit and sneeringly asks: "Who do you think you are going to satisfy with that little thing?" To great surprise the man is by no means offended and happily he answers: "Ah, myself."
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Mouth doesn't violently contract when she orgasms, though.
Pffft, who gives a crap about her orgasm? Just be fast enough, I know you can do it.
Amen to that. As Maddox said in his book, men don't have time for sex marathons. We have shit to do.
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Heck, after the one and a half minutes you can already be back here posting!
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Read this review of it (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article93.htm) then. It will keep you amused, if nothing else.
Oh nononononono...you wanna read Mr Cranky's review
http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/teeth.html
Sadly he may be retiring soon.
And back on topic:
"You chicks store fat in yer thighs for the winter dont'cha?? What do you mean where do we keep the cordless pwoer tools?"
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:fu
That an offer? :P
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:fu
:P
Is that your proposed payment? ;)
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:fu
:P
;)
Is that the best you can do?
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...Maybe... :evillaugh
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:fu
:P
;)
Is that the best you can do?
I think it's quite the effort to do :P & :fu with just an eyebrow... ;)
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We're off topic. The topic is:
Meg: :fu
Sunic: :P
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We're off topic. The topic is:
Meg: :fu
Sunic: :P
I'll add: :couch
You can interpret that as you wish.
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:hide <-- I'll be over there.
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Okay, so the couch and the chair are covered. Who's going to watch them get it on from behind the lamp? :couch
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"did you say you were allergic to latex I forgot."
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"did you say you were allergic to latex I forgot."
Added: "I just wanted to play it safe (so I left it off)."
Incidentally, that's a highly ironic statement.
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Someone should hide behind the see through silk curtains.
Oh, and you're all a bunch of closet furfags. :P (yes, I realize the humor... that's the whole fucking point)
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why so serious?
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why so serious?
:lol
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Safe words are for sissies.
I don't believe in female orgasms
lick my middle ball
I have a foot fetish, can I fuck you with my foot?
Don't pull my anal tampon
I'm gonna be sleepy after I orgasm, can I put my sandwich order in now?
I have a bee fetish. Can I release these bees in here?
I always wrap my penis in salami, that keeps it tasty.
Smell my penis.
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Smell my penis. thats the best one.
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Personally I think if it was "smell my cock" it would be funnier.
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I agree, Meg. That's why it has to be smell my penis. It's much more disturbing that way. :D
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Smell my penis.
:shrug It's better than having to smell someone's balls. Or ass.
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I saw a porn once where the camera guy encouraged one of the female actresses in the scene to smell the male actor's penis.
It kind of ruined the scene for me.
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"You ever worn a Pac Man costume?"
"Is it okay if we pretend your an Orc transvestite?"
"Okay, right before I orgasm I want you to put your cigarette out somewhere on my body. Surprise me with where."
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"You ever worn a Pac Man costume?"
This reminds me of the webcomic God Mode. Read through the archives and you'll see why.
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It reminds me of Van Wilder. "I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows. "
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It reminds me of Van Wilder. "I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows. "
Personally, I find her frightening. She doesn't just swallow. She swallows WHOLE.
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fuck this I'm outty
Ohh thats where I put this
laugh when you see them naked or if the lights turn on
cry
don't worry I saw this in a porno once
If it's good enough for R. Kelly/Michael Jackson/men of the collar it's good enough for me
Wow...your ex was a lot better
Damn it women it's like throwing a hotdog down a hall way (I guess man could work there too...)
Don't worry I've seen this done on animal planet all the time.
Your/my dog gives better blow jobs than you.
Some one needs to put more points into their Con/stamina.
Could you put this TMNT costume on please
Wow....I didn't see that one coming
Wait wait wait my soaps(or what ever show is on) are on (right before climax)
Time for the donkey
Look on the bright side you said you always wanted pets and now you have hundreds of them who you can name play with and scratch at all day.
Ohh god all my beutifull babies they're dead. Ohh god not little joey too :'(. (this said by man talking to his sperm)
Remeber everytime I ejaculate it's like doing over 2 million abortions all at once :D
Sorry if I repeated any.
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Wow....I didn't see that one coming
On a related note, this reminds me of all the times people lie in MMOs that they lagged so they don't look like idiots for dying, so...
"Oh my god! Fucking lag! One second I was fucking you and then I just exploded. Screw this, I'm done."
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"Pull my finger"
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We were on a roll tonight:
Me: "I'm still pissed at you. I want to be a tiger. Do realize how much cooler tigers are than snow leopards? They're so much cooler..."
AC: "Listen, we're about to have sex. I don't want to hear you whine about not being able to play as a damn tiger. Now either shut up or you'll have to smell my penis."
During post coital cuddles (I was the big spoon): "God, I wish I had a penis." :lol
-
OK, I just fell out of my chair laughing. Officially.
-
We were on a roll tonight:
Me: "I'm still pissed at you. I want to be a tiger. Do realize how much cooler tigers are than snow leopards? They're so much cooler..."
AC: "Listen, we're about to have sex. I don't want to hear you whine about not being able to play as a damn tiger. Now either shut up or you'll have to smell my penis."
During post coital cuddles (I was the big spoon): "God, I wish I had a penis." :lol
Smelling penis is a reward not a punishment. You may not be doing it right. Better send me the video.
-
We were on a roll tonight:
Me: "I'm still pissed at you. I want to be a tiger. Do realize how much cooler tigers are than snow leopards? They're so much cooler..."
AC: "Listen, we're about to have sex. I don't want to hear you whine about not being able to play as a damn tiger. Now either shut up or you'll have to smell my penis."
During post coital cuddles (I was the big spoon): "God, I wish I had a penis." :lol
Revenge of the Tiger...
-
We were on a roll tonight:
Me: "I'm still pissed at you. I want to be a tiger. Do realize how much cooler tigers are than snow leopards? They're so much cooler..."
AC: "Listen, we're about to have sex. I don't want to hear you whine about not being able to play as a damn tiger. Now either shut up or you'll have to smell my penis."
During post coital cuddles (I was the big spoon): "God, I wish I had a penis." :lol
Smelling penis is a reward not a punishment. You may not be doing it right. Better send me the video.
Ladies and gents, we have another voyeur on these boards! Welcome, sir, to the Happy BG Voyeurism Club. :D
-
Oh noes! Someone got furry in their secks! :lol
-
During post coital cuddles (I was the big spoon): "God, I wish I had a penis." :lol
Egad!... Freud was right! :couch
Oh, and God only grants your wishes if they're in the proper thread, or so I am told. :P
-
"Spit in my face"
Some women called in asking for advice on a radio show after she was asked that.
And I don't care what you people think, smelling a penis after anal sex is a punishment.
-
And I don't care what you people think, smelling a penis after anal sex is a punishment.
Maybe... if the ass is unclean. In which case whoever stuck it in won't be asking for it anyway...
-
"Put your baby in me!" ~said by a stupid girl that wanted to get pregnant by my friend so that he'd have to be with her forever.
And AC just came up with this one after reading this (http://www.topix.com/forum/news/sex/TEEJV93M1CGNSKCAQ):
"I'm almost there, so just poo a little."
That page made me crack up.
-
Bobismyrhino, you continue to amaze me. :P
And I don't care what you people think, smelling a penis after anal sex is a punishment.
Who here said anything about anal sex? I may be orientation-ambiguous, but to that extent? :P
-
"HWAAAARRRLLP!"
Was reminded by a friend of mine whose wife puked her guts out during the act. She was piss drunk at the time. Much like I am right fucking now, motherfuckers!
-
"Damn honey that was AWESOME! A few more nights like that and I'll give up masturbating to fat chick porn on teh internet. I mean...uh..that is to say..."
-
"Damn honey that was AWESOME! A few more nights like that and I'll give up masturbating to fat chick porn on teh internet. I mean...uh..that is to say..."
This reminds me of a certain scene from Epic Movie.
And big, flabby grandma arms!
-
I like fat chicks...
Really, that's probably my most likely choice for ladies, I'm a fairly large guy myself.
-
Do you define fat as 10 or 20 pounds overweight or 150?
-
Somewhere in between there.
10 or 20 pounds isn't that bad. 150 is a bit extreme. I would consider someone less overweight than 150 pounds to be fat, but 10 or 20 pounds doesn't even blip on my radar.
-
Back on topic:
Worst thing to say during sex? Try singing this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvjDr8KKtsE
-
I like fat chicks...
Really, that's probably my most likely choice for ladies, I'm a fairly large guy myself.
Whatever floats your boat, Count. :D
-
I don't seriously mind if they've got a few extra pounds. I'm not exactly skinny myself (though I'm working on that).
If they look like they could roll their way out of a crowd, though, I stay the HECK away.
-
I don't seriously mind if they've got a few extra pounds. I'm not exactly skinny myself (though I'm working on that).
If they look like they could roll their way out of a crowd, though, I stay the HECK away.
I guess living in Japan makes me biased. :P
-
A friend's girlfriend commented this during D&D:
"I'm the best at Buzz-sex!"
"Buzz-sex?"
"Yeah, during lovemaking, I constantly say 'Buzz', 'Buzz', 'Buzz'. "
-
A friend's girlfriend commented this during D&D:
"I'm the best at Buzz-sex!"
"Buzz-sex?"
"Yeah, during lovemaking, I constantly say 'Buzz', 'Buzz', 'Buzz'. "
...Depending on the tone of her voice, that could be totally hot. I'm not even joking. I almost got a hard-on thinking about it.
EDIT: Okay, I thought about again and realized it would only be hot for like the first half a minute.
-
When she says "constantly", she means "constantly".
-
Hence my edit. :(
-
"The Aristocrats!"
-
"HWAAAARRRLLP!"
Was reminded by a friend of mine whose wife puked her guts out during the act. She was piss drunk at the time. Much like I am right fucking now, motherfuckers!
This reminds me of a video a friend e-mailed me the other day. It was titled "When you know the drunken BJ is over". I'd suspect he was probably wasted when he sent it, also.
-
"crap it fell off again"
-
Where'd the rubber go?
-
"Shhh! Go to sleep..."
-
"Shhh! Go to sleep..."
Have someone actually tried that?
-
"Shhh! Go to sleep..."
Have someone actually tried that?
No, but some people have. :couch
-
"Shhh! Go to sleep..."
:lol
-
Where'd the rubber go?
I actually had a girl lose one once. No joke.
-
Hehe, I think I haven't posted this before, but I have actually woken up to this question only a few minutes after passing out in a cabin of a ship: "Is it you [Insert wrong name here]?"
-
"Shhh! Go to sleep..."
Have someone actually tried that?
Ask AC. :smirk
-
:lol
-
"Honey, get off me, I forgot to level my Warblade!" Almost netted me a kick in the nuts.
-
I guess you've got to have priorities :lol
-
Hey, the Warblade didn't start moaning about his grandmother during sex. Not that I had sex with the Warblade, I mean... Uh...
-
"Shhh! Go to sleep..."
Have someone actually tried that?
Ask AC. :smirk
You think I put the Italics there accidentally?
-
The real question is who was the first one to say it...
-
Tell me.
-
Was it a tie? :P
-
Back on topic: "You're going to die now."
-
That only works if you're the size of the Jolly Green Giant... Or she's the size of Tinkerbell.
PS: It was her.
-
That only works if you're the size of the Jolly Green Giant... Or she's the size of Tinkerbell.
Yeah, because a knife or a gun wouldn't work... :couch
-
Really? In the middle of sex? Definitely not the worse thing to say, especially to a lot of people that may enjoy that type of thing. ;)
-
Really? In the middle of sex? Definitely not the worse thing to say, especially to a lot of people that may enjoy that type of thing. ;)
There's a huge line between masochistic and suicidal. Having a pistol aimed at your head and enjoying it crosses that line before the other horses even get out of the gates. :P
-
I'm a virgin, but this seems to be one of the things that should be on the list:
"(Daughter's name) does it so much better than you do."
-
Depends on the person. :shrug
-
"What do you mean you're not a masochist? And after all the trouble I went to get you knocked out and tied up..."
-
Depends on the person. :shrug
If this was in reference to the murder thing, that applies to so many things in this thread that that's not really a valid argument anymore, no offense.
-
Depends on the person. :shrug
If this was in reference to the murder thing, that applies to so many things in this thread that that's not really a valid argument anymore, no offense.
Too many creepy people here to use that as an excuse.
-
There's a huge line between masochistic and suicidal. Having a pistol aimed at your head and enjoying it crosses that line before the other horses even get out of the gates. :P
Been a number of cases where the gun accidentally went off on orgasm, leading to a bigger mess than expected, and I am not talking about the court case...
-
There's a huge line between masochistic and suicidal. Having a pistol aimed at your head and enjoying it crosses that line before the other horses even get out of the gates. :P
Been a number of cases where the gun accidentally went off on orgasm, leading to a bigger mess than expected, and I am not talking about the court case...
My first thought was about a splattered head, not a court case...
@Tshern: Using what as an excuse? He said that it depends on the person (whether or not it is the worst thing to say during sex), and I pointed out that whether or not any of these things in this thread are the worst thing to say during sex or not is equally subjective. I'm not trying to justify anything, least of all shooting someone.
As for the quote itself, the thread by default asks for the disturbing or unusual ("The worst thing to say during sex..."). It doesn't ask for things that people have actually said themselves. I have not, nor do I ever intend to hold a gun to someone's head, least of all during sex. And I don't think most of the people here posting "creepy" things are actually creepy themselves. I think they're just being humorously absurd and on-topic.
-
Actually Nox, I was referring to the line. It depend on the person whether having a gun pointed at you during sex (or a knife, for better imagery) is arousing. It also depends on the person where that line between suicidal/murderer and msaochism/sadochism starts and ends.
-
Actually Nox, I was referring to the line. It depend on the person whether having a gun pointed at you during sex (or a knife, for better imagery) is arousing. It also depends on the person where that line between suicidal/murderer and msaochism/sadochism starts and ends.
..That's what I was saying. It depends on the person whether or not it's arousing and thus whether it's the worst thing to say/hear during sex or not. I'm not seeing how we're in disagreement.
-
I don't think we're in disagreement, but the whole thread was meant more as a "gross each other out" type of deal. For example:
"Wow. And I thought only my little sister made that noise when I did this to her..."
Is way more disturbing, imo, then being threatened with death. I know that's just me, but that's more disturbing during sex. Although if you could pull a mean Darth Vader impersonation and say "Time to die" during sex, that'd be pretty disturbing. ;)
-
RAI vs. RAW >_>
"Worst" in and of itself is subject to interpretation. I know I would rather have unpleasant sex and live than be murdered. It's all a matter of opinion which is worse (and what "worst" is).
-
:P You're one of those people who just likes to argue, eh. ;) Go read the comic from my first post. :P
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:P You're one of those people who just likes to argue, eh. ;) Go read the comic from my first post. :P
I defend my claims, so to speak. :) If I think I'm right, I'll argue to make my point, yes (and back down when proven wrong - I'm a stickler on that in that if it's not a conclusive rebuttal, I'll keep defending my point).
Also, three smileys in a single line (that isn't just a bunch of spammed smileys) is... impressive or something else entirely.
"You know, I'm so glad I lucked out and got HIV instead of Gonorrhea in Vegas. I may not develop AIDs for years and there aren't any nasty symptoms in the meantime."
-
PS: It was her.
:bs
I'm pretty sure, anyways...
-
Nope. I remember because I was trying to go to sleep since I had to wake up early... Shall we really get into what happens when someone tells you no about anything. :lol
-
....
:backtotopic
-
Nope. I remember because I was trying to go to sleep since I had to wake up early... Shall we really get into what happens when someone tells you no about anything. :lol
Enlighten us.
-
What places did she have to lick?
-
PS: It was her.
:bs
I'm pretty sure, anyways...
:lol
-
Nope. I remember because I was trying to go to sleep since I had to wake up early... Shall we really get into what happens when someone tells you no about anything. :lol
Enlighten us.
Have you ever met anyone that doesn't know what the word "no" means. To both quote another friend and stay on topic.... "No means nothing to me."
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Mmh, maybe you should think about some really big turn off at a moment like that, get a mantra like that or something, if this kind off thing happens more often :P
Anyway, I don't I envy you if this is weekly routine or something :P
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Oh I'm not complaining. :smirk
Just enlightening Gawain at his request. ;)
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I guess a girl like Rhinogirl is a mixed blessing :P
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I guess a girl like Rhinogirl is a mixed blessing :P
Make a Wish.
-
Mmh, I'm a 17th level wizard now?
Cool :)
Mmh, 2 possible candidates at the moment I guess :P
-
I can definitely say that a woman that doesn't take no for an answer is not desirable to me.
You know what we call men who don't take no for an answer? Rapists.
-
"I'll take the rapists for 200, Alex" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhy35FAxQBk&feature=related)
-
I can say that any chick that knows Celebrity Jeopardy can get into my pants just a little bit easier after showing their knowledge of the subject.
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"I'll take the rapists for 200, Alex" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhy35FAxQBk&feature=related)
Not if the rapists take you in the waiting room first. ;)
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Hey! It's not my fault we don't see each other all the time and that the sight of you makes me happy... as well as some other things.
I say no to sexy-time with strangers and acquaintances pretty damn frequently. So when I do get the opportunity to have sexy-time with you, I take it! :P
It's not rape until you soil yourself, anyways. :lol
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I'm going to take this to a different thread rather than take this one further off-topic.
-
"Honey would it be cool if we did a 3 way with your mom?"
-
I say no to sexy-time with strangers and acquaintances pretty damn frequently. So when I do get the opportunity to have sexy-time with you, I take it! :P
Oh sure, you can say no, but we can't say no to you...had to go hide from you...
And my contribution:
"Was I growling at you just then?"
"uh, yeah"
"Shit, I thought I had that under control"
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"Honey would it be cool if we did a 3 way with your mom?"
My gal actually loved when I asked about that...
Her mom is super hot too.
Just more evidence that I have found the perfect woman.
:love :love :love
On topic though...
Every once in a while I lean over and whisper, oh so sensually:
"2girls1cup"
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AC: "Stop pulling my nipple hair out with your toes!"
-
And in a slight reversal, "Stop pulling my toe hair out with your nipples."
-
You win. :lol
-
Said to me:
"Slap her with your penis!"
-
Said to me:
"Slap her with your penis!"
Seen a porn like that before. You can always rent a penis if one is needed.
-
Go go strap-ons!
-
I say no to sexy-time with strangers and acquaintances pretty damn frequently. So when I do get the opportunity to have sexy-time with you, I take it! :P
Oh sure, you can say no, but we can't say no to you...had to go hide from you...
And my contribution:
"Was I growling at you just then?"
"uh, yeah"
"Shit, I thought I had that under control"
Unless she likes it :P. My gf did ;)
My contribution, "Why aren't you crying yet?" That one got me beaten for a bit :smirk but she laughing so it's all good.
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Go go strap-ons!
Gha! the visual!
-
Go go strap-ons!
Gha! the visual!
I am enjoying it.
-
You would.
-
What's wrong with the visual?
Wearing a strap-on I can give her the joys of double penetration without having to deal with another man. :smirk
-
We have a winner.
-
But then who's gonna hold the camera? Oh right, a tripod.....
-
What's wrong with the visual?
Wearing a strap-on I can give her the joys of double penetration without having to deal with another man. :smirk
How the heck are you wearing that strap-on then?
-
How the heck are you wearing that strap-on then?
Like a belt, but higher up on my stomach. And with the thong-like portion tucked around the rest of me. Has to be the kind with adjustable straps, of course.
-
Plus, if she likes'em bigger than what you got, you can get one that's both big as she could ever dream about and is dishwasher safe.
Back when I was into sex, I was all about being creative. It's not about rutting until climax, it's two adults getting butt nekkid and having some fun.
You know, I don't miss much about my marriage, but I do miss the feeling of exhiliration that comes with trying new things sexually. And I can be very creative. (Side note: How is it we have an angel smiley but not a devil smiley? :P )
-
"Someone smell me"
-
"Y'know I've just realized your cat has been watching us the whole time."
"Yes, but he does that with all my boyfriends."
"Okay but why does he have a video camera hooked up to your PC?"
-
Videokat, huh? :lol
-
"Here comes my tarantula pussy" Compliments of AC
And then there was, "Will you eat my cheese?" Immediately after I said it, I realized how wrong and bad that sounded.
To be fair, we WERE on the way to go make/eat pizza and I'm lactose intolerant.
-
"Here comes my tarantula pussy" Compliments of AC
And then there was, "Will you eat my cheese?" Immediately after I said it, I realized how wrong and bad that sounded.
To be fair, we WERE on the way to go make/eat pizza and I'm lactose intolerant.
We need a vomit smiley.
-
Hey, I got a new video for us to watch, something called Two Girls, One Cup...
:-[ :-\ ??? :o :jawdrop :couch
-
J0lt, you're way behind the times, clearly. :lol
-
Has anyone mention The Devil's Panties (http://www.thedevilspanties.com/) yet? Some great ones there.....
-
Her: Your mom loves Denzel Washington. Man, I bet she's got a giant black dildo named Denzel. Oohhh Denzel...
Him: Are you masturbating?
Her: :blush Shut-up!
-
AC: So, we're going to play Magic tonight right? 'Cause you promised me we could play...
Me: Jeez, Magic is like sex to you.
AC: No. Sex is sex. Which, by the way, you also promised me. You're going to be very busy tonight.
Me: :eh
-
Why do I get the feeling it might go somewhat like this.
AC: I'm almost there...!
BIMR: Oh no you don't!
AC: I... cast... Concentration... for four... green... mana!
-
I am so going to do that now. :lol
-
He's not kidding.
I hate you a little Kuro.
-
You guys are fucking awesome. You should have your own web-show.
-
He's not kidding.
I hate you a little Kuro.
Then make with the negative fu! :P
-
Wow... that was dumb. I was this huge response (likethe size of this whole post after all edits, etc.), my web browser messed up and (here's the dumb part) I got the fucking brilliant idea to restart my computer to fix the glitch. Of course, I didn't think to save the response in a document. It was just on the copy/paste task. That doesn't carry over when you restart...
So now that that's wasted, I'll recap as best as my patience will allow:
You guys (AC and Rhino [...I am still a little confused as to what we're supposed to call you so I've been calling you Rhino lately]) are crazy. That's both praise and criticism. I would probably break up with a girl over some of the things you two have said, so the praise is for sticking through the truly disturbing times. The criticism is obvious: some of that stuff is truly ...creepy.
Fake Edit: Oh, I remembered that I also noted that this was of particular interest to me because I think that the stereotypical "nerdy" girls often depicted in movies, etc. (you know, the fake ones? - or the rare exceptions, I guess, by existence of Rhino as proof of example; I note this because I'm somewhat shallow and have no qualms with having standards regarding beauty in addition to standards of personality) are totally hot/sexy. You know the ones I'm talking about: Rachael Leigh Cook's character in Scorched, the El Goonish Shive characters if they weren't two-dimensional (because two-dimensional just doesn't cut it - I avoid actually using, but will acknowledge that using "measure up" as a pun because of dimensions of measurement being examined did cross my mind), etc.
That actually preceded the paragraph that precedes the fake edit in this rendition (this is actually still part of the fake edit, but I don't feel like being too picky at the moment). Anyway, that led into the "crazy" bit because I noticed that despite thinking that the depiction of such girls is totally hot, I'm not sure how much I could handle after seeing some of the stuff you guys post. :P
Anyway, I then went on to say that EGS (El Goonish Shive) has still confused me more (than my confusion over whether I could actually handle being with such a type of girl). For example (and don't worry, I didn't include multiple examples in the original post, so you're not missing anything), while reading EGS, I came to realize that I would not mind (and keep in mind I mean what follows in a non-permanent, not even long-duration way - maybe a day at most) my girlfriend and I (who I note does not currently exist, at least not as my girlfriend yet, so when such a person exists that is my girlfriend) switching sexes. I actually think that would be totally hot (again, with a short duration). That said, my confusion comes from the fact that I most certainly find this to be hot and the fact that I (after much deliberation over what actually sexually interests me, believe me) have no gay or bisexual interest.
Then I went on to damn Agita for showing me that comic. Then I noted parenthetically that I had just realized we did not have as smiley with fire-eyes and that that was totally lame.
I don't remember what the last thing I said was, but it was like five words, so it can't have been too important.
Real Edit: To be fair, I'm not even sure how confused I am since whenever I imagine the whole "transforming into the opposite sex temporarily" thing, I only really imagine having breasts and a vagina (and the ensuing self-groping, crazy new forms of self-exploration and masturbation, and finding out if the rumors/facts/etc. are true that women have more stimulating orgasms). The whole girlfriend (would she count as a boyfriend?) who would then have a penis doesn't appear in my thoughts.
-
"Would you still love me if I pooped in your sock drawer?"
-
WTF man? :lol
-
He is a cat...! :smirk
-
WTF man? :lol
Hey at least I got you to laugh.
In my defense its almost 5 am here, and I'm on a shitload of painkillers, which is making the world an interesting place.
And I have a warped, surreal sense of humor...
-
Where the fuck is Tsuyo? He does hilarious webshows. This thread = gold.
-
Y'know, I was pondering the same myself. I haven't seen him around at all lately.
-
This calls for a "Is Tsuyoshikentsu with vacation?" thread :P
-
This calls for a "Is Tsuyoshikentsu with vacation?" thread :P
Noooo.....
-
Damn you, PI. BimR and I were laying in bed last night discussing your comment and what it would be like to have our conversations recorded for a 24 hour period... Yeah... :lol
And Nox, all I have to say to you is that if you would break up with a woman over some of the things said here, you likely lack a sense of humor. And that is sad. :(
-
"Don't put him in your mouth right now! I have to pee!"
Apparently he didn't exclaim "Ack" beforehand... making my quote inaccurate and no longer anonymous.
-
BimR: I only have ONE vagina!
I love quotes out of context :D
-
And Nox, all I have to say to you is that if you would break up with a woman over some of the things said here, you likely lack a sense of humor. And that is sad. :(
I said "some," not all. Some of these (probably less than five at the moment) are just too much. :P
-
The fact that you'd break up with someone who you like and/or love because of a sentence he or she says that isn't "I killed [insert family member]" or "I have [insert killer STD]" or even "I am actually a prostitute who is still working" is kind of sad. :P
-
And frankly, I think I make up for all the fucked up things I say... Shut up AC. I do. :smirk
-
The fact that you'd break up with someone who you like and/or love because of a sentence he or she says that isn't "I killed [insert family member]" or "I have [insert killer STD]" or even "I am actually a prostitute who is still working" is kind of sad. :P
Maybe, but we do have different standards and different perceptions of what is humorous and/or acceptable behavior in the bedroom (note: most of these would be totally fine out of bedroom context, even if a little weird).
Everyone's a little different. If that makes me "sad" to you as a human being, I'm okay with that. After all, I have no intention of trying to please everybody because, once again, we all have different standards. Also, I focus way less on pleasing guys. :P
-
They are just words, I know I've had my fair share of wicked humour in bedroom. And out of it too actually. Never hurt me.
-
Now lay on me! Squish the fuzzies into me!
-
Damn you, PI. BimR and I were laying in bed last night discussing your comment and what it would be like to have our conversations recorded for a 24 hour period... Yeah... :lol
I'm pleased to hear that BimR was thinking about me while laying in bed with you. :P
Not so excited to hear that you're thinking about me while laying in bed with her. :)
-
Personally, PI, I would have found that downright... scary... :D
-
"Do you ever shave that thing??? Jesus, I think there's a family of racoons living in there."
-
Also in line with the last one. "Do you grow wookies in there?"
-
Also in line with the last one. "Do you grow wookies in there?"
Oh great. Now you've reminded me of the Wookie jokes from my last two SWSE games. It all started with this: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/02/11/ and went downhill until we had to put a shock collar on the Wookie in question. Then the mechanic of the group thought it would be funny to reprogram the phrases on his vox-box. We didn't get much done that session.
-
Eh, I don't think Ac of BimR has said anything bad. I think sex should be fun, and playful. Occasionally, there are toys involved. Sometimes, funny things are said, it's all part of the deal.
-
It's like RPGs in general... if you're not having fun you're doing it wrong.
-
Exactly :D
-
"Have you seen my teeth?"
"That explains what that pain in my left buttcheek is."
-
Did your grandfather do this to you when you were young, too?
-
It's like RPGs in general... if you're not having fun you're doing it wrong.
Oh, I never said the Wookie session wasn't fun.
-
"You sunk my battleship!"
-
"Butter works really well as lube"
-
"You sunk my battleshit!"
Fixed.
-
Hey, do you mind if my parents watch?
-
"Hey honey, you remember that tarantula of mine that went missing that you've been obsessing over neurotically for days in a cold paranoid fear?"
"Maaaaybeeeee.....why?? (accusing look)
"That wasn't me tickling your buttcheek that last 2 minutes...On the downsiide I lost track of him during orgasm so he's prolly still around here somewhere..."
-
(http://www.icanhasforce.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/star-wars-ewoks-butseks-time.jpg)
Only works if said by midgets in Ewok suits.
-
"Mmmmm.... Bull Semen....."
-
"Mmmmm.... Bull Semen....."
Wouldn't that be a compliment if a girl said it to you after? :D
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"Mmmmm.... Bull Semen....."
Wouldn't that be a compliment if a girl said it to you after? :D
That's just it... a girl wouldn't say that to him... HE WOULD.
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Um, how is a woman calling your semen BULL SEMEN a compliment? WTF do you think is a compliment, AJ? :P
And no, BimR, I wouldn't. Although Shewolf is going to say it to her boyfriend now :D
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You are hung like one? Keep with the programme, AC! :P
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Spell program correctly, AJ. :P
And remember that just because your semen TASTES like bull semen does not mean you are equipped like one... just that your lover has 'other' preferences. :smirk
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That begs the question of... How the hell did your girl (that you quoted above) know what bull semen taste like ???
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That begs the question of... How the hell did your girl (that you quoted above) know what bull semen taste like
By being a former female toreador, of course.
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Seeing as how it was a comment from another conversation... you'd have to track down and ask her that. :P
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And FYI, it was sooo not me. :P
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And FYI, it was sooo not me. :P
Hmm... prove it :P
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And FYI, it was sooo not me. :P
Hmm... prove it :P
Read my post a couple posts back. I mention who's it is.
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Shush you! I'm in the middle of trying to wind her up! (I know who it was)
:D
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"Honey, I'm a narcolep... zzzzzzzzz" :rolleyes
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It's okay, I'm a doctor.
Be still, my son.
Do you want that A in my class or not?
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"So I was over at my sister's and she gave me these handcuffs and this ball gag..."
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1) Whoa! Even better than a blow up doll! I gotta tell (friend's name)!
2) (After orgasming): I guess that was a natural 20 on my "to fuck" check.
3) "Shhh, (parent) will hear."
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with #3...
Shhh... my wife will hear.
Or...
"You don't mind if Rex watches, do you?"
"No, dogs don't bother me."
*points to the mentally handicapped person chained to the wall in the corner* "No... That's Rex."
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With your variation on #3, and this is in the "Things you don't want to hear" category:
"I think you should switch places."
"Hm?"
"With Rex."
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I don't think I can top that... Well done, sir. :clap
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I don't think I can top that... Well done, sir. :clap
I would expect that to be something you'd LIKE to hear during sex.
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Nooooooo. Bad Ejo. Just because you want to switch places with Rex doesn't mean everyone does. ;)
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It's okay, I'm a doctor.
Be still, my son.
Do you want that A in my class or not?
Depends on what you do immediately after saying those things, but...they could be the BEST things to say during sex.
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Nooooooo. Bad Ejo. Just because you want to switch places with Rex doesn't mean everyone does. ;)
I was referring the text I quoted... :P
And PI, I was thinking it depends what was done immediately before... Or possibly if you're just doing some kinky roleplay...
Plus, I would have fucked the vast majority of my female teachers, whether it helped my grade or not.
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Plus, I would have fucked the vast majority of my female teachers, whether it helped my grade or not.
Plus fucking one.
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Plus, I would have fucked the vast majority of my female teachers, whether it helped my grade or not.
Not sure I can join the bandwagon on this one...I've had very unattractive female teachers.
There was this one math TA in college though...
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Although... it's strange, when I had a chance to go back to the school and hit on them, the majority of them not only wouldn't have been as attractive even if they did look the same, but had actually become far less attractive even compared at that time to pictures of themselves from only one to two years ago.
I guess my schools just wore them ragged that fast. :o
And PI, the only of my actual college proffs or even TAs I would have slept with were my Norwegian and Fencing instructors.
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If you're roleplaying, then yes, the stuff I mentioned is fun... I guess? Cept maybe the middle one.
But if it's RL... it's kinda sick and twisted.
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Cept maybe the middle one.
Nuns don't turn you on?
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:lol Oh god...
But to answer your question: no. Nuns do not turn me on. Real nuns, that is. Porn star nuns are comical. But real nuns gross me the hell out. They don't have sex, ever, making it HIGHLY unlikely that they keep things tidy down there... *shudders* Plus, most nuns I've seen are older and... *stops*
We've found my gross-out limit.
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We've found my gross-out limit.
Glad to be of service. :eh
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"Hey honey, now that were done you wanna go out onto the patio and shoot bottle rockets from your ass? We can aim for the nunnery next door."
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Plus, I would have fucked the vast majority of my female teachers, whether it helped my grade or not.
Not sure I can join the bandwagon on this one...I've had very unattractive female teachers.
Plus Fucking One. Though if I did, I'd be saying that to the other guy.
...
Can Plus Fucking One be turned into a bad thing to say during sex? :evillaugh
Also add Shewolf making some lupine joke to the list.
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Dildo, soldering iron, what's the difference? :rolleyes
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Reminds me of the time I said a curling iron would make a great sex toy. Just slide it in her, and plug it in.
I was struck for that one. I consider it worth it.
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Plus, I would have fucked the vast majority of my female teachers, whether it helped my grade or not.
The vast majority of my female teachers were either ugly or unattractive in some way, exception made to one 20-something English teacher I had in 8th grade. Everyone had the hots for her but me (I was pretty innocent back then), and she fawned all over me because I was the only one at her class that actually had a decent grasp of English.
Thinking back, I'd hit her. Just one more thing in my "list of stuff I'd have done differently if I could go back in time", I guess.
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My spanish teacher this semester is pretty hot. And it's even better/worse, because we're about the same age.
Too bad I had to drop it, it seems that I can't learn calculus and spanish at the same time.
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No one can, dude. It's why people who choose math often don't like social science and vice-versa...
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Is that just spanish or any language? ;) I mean I learned Japanese and Multivariable Calculus at the same time.
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I think languages and and a love for math are not all mutually exclusive, on the contrary. People who are good at one, probably have inclination toward the other as well.
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I'd think it depends on the language. A more rigid language is more likely to go along with a mathematical inclined mind. A more abstract one... forget it.
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Depends on the workload too. If your brains being worked over by one, it wouldn't make it any easier to take two.
That being said, I find I have to learn something, anything, else when I'm trying to learn a new language. Just something about the way I'm wired, I forget the vocabulary if thats all I'm studying.
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I'd think it depends on the language. A more rigid language is more likely to go along with a mathematical inclined mind. A more abstract one... forget it.
Yes, because math is *so* un-abstract. :P
Edit: Come on, Sunic, go for post 2000!
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Is that just spanish or any language? I mean I learned Japanese and Multivariable Calculus at the same time.
Actually, Spanish is easy (though my native language is Portuguese... so I might be biased). Japanese is only hard until you figure that the opposite to a line of thought in Japanese is NOT necessarily the opposite in grammar too... After that it's a vocabulary thing.
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I'd think it depends on the language. A more rigid language is more likely to go along with a mathematical inclined mind. A more abstract one... forget it.
Yes, because math is *so* un-abstract. :P
Edit: Come on, Sunic, go for post 2000!
Abstract languages have flexible grammar. Like English. This means that the straightforward, logical mind of the kind Sunic is describing will have conniptions every time it runs into an "acceptable variant" or other such thing. Japanese is one of the most rigid languages in terms of structure I have ever encountered; I'd wager that AC would have a lot more trouble with Chinese, a much more fluid language.
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Abstract languages have flexible grammar. Like English. This means that the straightforward, logical mind of the kind Sunic is describing will have conniptions every time it runs into an "acceptable variant" or other such thing. Japanese is one of the most rigid languages in terms of structure I have ever encountered; I'd wager that AC would have a lot more trouble with Chinese, a much more fluid language.
Spoken Chinese is relatively easy compared to English. Written Chinese, however, is nasty.
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Yeah, something about a several hundred thousand letter alphabet is hard to learn :p.
Really, I could use any language to satisfy the foreign language requirements, it's just that my only choice is Spanish. I'd rather learn either Latin, or learn a Germanic language of some sort. (I heard that Dutch is really close to English in a lot of ways, although German or Swedish would work too.)
Can't wait until I get my gen-ed stuff done and go to a REAL college next year.
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Abstract languages have flexible grammar. Like English. This means that the straightforward, logical mind of the kind Sunic is describing will have conniptions every time it runs into an "acceptable variant" or other such thing. Japanese is one of the most rigid languages in terms of structure I have ever encountered; I'd wager that AC would have a lot more trouble with Chinese, a much more fluid language.
You're right about Japanese. And I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to learn Chinese, too. It doesn't seem too difficult, although my initial forray has been minor at best.
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With written Chinese you have to memorise all the ideograms, which is a total pain.
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Abstract languages have flexible grammar. Like English. This means that the straightforward, logical mind of the kind Sunic is describing will have conniptions every time it runs into an "acceptable variant" or other such thing. Japanese is one of the most rigid languages in terms of structure I have ever encountered; I'd wager that AC would have a lot more trouble with Chinese, a much more fluid language.
Spelling, yes; grammar, not so much. I actually find a lot more exceptions when it comes to Japanese grammar than I do when it comes to English. Portuguese ain't even worth mentioning for this discussion, as it's a complete nightmare. Three words: compound kanji reading.
Yeah, something about a several hundred thousand letter alphabet is hard to learn :p.
I assume you refer to Chinese. With Japanese it's just about 3129 characters or so.
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Ignoring the fact that Kanji =/= an alphabet...
Where are you pulling that out of Kuro? Japanese grammar is very structured. There are exceptions, yes, but there are rules for it. English is a giant pile of bull thrown together.
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Spoken Chinese is relatively easy compared to English. Written Chinese, however, is nasty.
Um, spoken Chinese (Mandarin) is one of the hardest languages to speak in the world (aside from that one African languages that includes a clicking sound) :p.
Spelling, yes; grammar, not so much. I actually find a lot more exceptions when it comes to Japanese grammar than I do when it comes to English. Portuguese ain't even worth mentioning for this discussion, as it's a complete nightmare. Three words: compound kanji reading.
Are you kidding? English is the language of exceptions! Japanese grammar is very straightforward. There are some tricky bits, but in general each grammatical form contains 2 or 4 hard rules and maybe one or two exceptions. English grammar has its own category for exceptions!
Ignoring the fact that Kanji =/= an alphabet...
Definitely. The Japanese language already has enough of that as it is! Hiragana (cursive form writing) contains 47 characters. Katakana (used primarily for foreign words and advertising) contains a variant form of the same 47 characters. Each of the characters connects to one of the 47 consonant+vowel sounds (with the exception of "n"). But for kanji, they say about 2000 are necessary for basic literacy. :-\
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Um, spoken Chinese (Mandarin) is one of the hardest languages to speak in the world (aside from that one African languages that includes a clicking sound) :p.
Clicking sound is likely to be Bushman.
Mandarin is easy. It is pretty straightforward to learn. English, however, is such a bastardised language that there is no rhyme or reason for half the stuff it does.
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Everyone likes to say that their language is the hardest in the world. Unless you speak Basque, or Cherokee, or Polish, I don't think you have room to claim your language is very hard. :p.
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Regarding the topic supposed to be the one on the thread:
Q: Have you had your period yet?
A: What's a period?
Or, for the reverse:
Statement: I like 'em too young to bleed.
Nonpyschotic, but still wrong:
"Wrong hole, wrong hole!"
"Lay still like your mother, damnit!"
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Reminds me of the time I said a curling iron would make a great sex toy. Just slide it in her, and plug it in.
I was struck for that one. I consider it worth it.
Which leads me to:
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!"
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"Wrong hole, wrong hole!"
"There ain't nothing wrong about it, baby!"
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"Wrong hole, wrong hole!"
So there was this sailor who's been at sea for a long time. He comes back to land and immediately goes find a woman of... "negotiable morals". Unfortunately, the only one he could find was on the heavy side. Still, they negotiated and he was finally getting some relief.
Suddenly, she started screaming out, "You're in the wrong hole! You're in the wrong hole!"
The sailor shrugged and shouted back, "Any port in a storm!"
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Ignoring the fact that Kanji =/= an alphabet...
Where are you pulling that out of Kuro? Japanese grammar is very structured. There are exceptions, yes, but there are rules for it. English is a giant pile of bull thrown together.
Um, dude? I study that. You try finding a rule on how to make group I verbs behave. The day you make that happen, you can have my virginity.
As for kanji not being an alphabet, you still can't read a Japanese newspaper without kanji. And I seriously doubt hanzhi fall in that cathegory, too.
Definitely. The Japanese language already has enough of that as it is! Hiragana (cursive form writing) contains 47 characters. Katakana (used primarily for foreign words and advertising) contains a variant form of the same 47 characters. Each of the characters connects to one of the 47 consonant+vowel sounds (with the exception of "n"). But for kanji, they say about 2000 are necessary for basic literacy.
Lil' explanation on how that works.
Kanji are actual words in and of themselves. Some of them have different meanings despite being the exact same kanji (for example, the kanji for listening and the kanji for asking are the same, and so is the verb). When you join up kanji + hiragana, you have sentences. Now, if you know around 200+ kanji, you should be able to read a newspaper fairly well. Some kanji are actually derivated from others (hiragana and katakana are kanji derivations as well) and others are created by combining them together (for example, the kanji for "sadness" is the same as "sin" plus "heart" stacked on top of each other).
Also, slightly little known fact... most kanji have two readings, called on-yomi and kun-yomi (the latter being the "chinese" reading for a given ideogram while the former is the "japanese" reading for the same). Thankfully, there are plenty of kanji with repeated kun-yomi readings (like "ken", for example, which sounds the same whether the kanji used is the one for fist, sword or province, or "gan", which sounds the same whether you're using the kanji for "rock" or "origin").
The Japanese also have different verbal forms for compound verbs, passive verbs, they don't have the future tense, and kanji have different readings when you combine them with other kanji...
In short, I find Japanese grammar to be more complex than English. Also more full of exceptions on account of "group 1" verbs and adjectives.
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AC and Count: Learn Finnish. Our language is a serious mess, for example you can put words in any order you want!
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Also add Shewolf making some lupine joke to the list.
What manner of joke were you expecting me to say, exactly? 'Cuse I've got quite a few. Actually, I've got more sheep jokes, for some reason, though I guess those almost count.
Anyhow, the bull semen thing went thusly:
Sam "Mmm, bull semen"
AfterCrescent "You've got to say that to Omar in bed"
Shewolf "Only if I want to get punched in the face."
AfterCrescent "And you do"
Anyhow, why are we talking about language? This thread is about sex!
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"So my grandma wants to know if you're into anal fisting..."
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BEcause all threads are eventually derailed, I forget which law it is.
Okay, on the subject of sex:
"I put it in your -what-?"
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Folks, I was just informed, as Omar was reading over my shoulder, that if I ever say that, it will be way, way worse than a punch in the face. :(
Too bad there is no smiley with a black eye.
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Also add Shewolf making some lupine joke to the list.
What manner of joke were you expecting me to say, exactly? 'Cuse I've got quite a few. Actually, I've got more sheep jokes, for some reason, though I guess those almost count.
Anyhow, the bull semen thing went thusly:
Sam "Mmm, bull semen"
AfterCrescent "You've got to say that to Omar in bed"
Shewolf "Only if I want to get punched in the face."
AfterCrescent "And you do"
Anyhow, why are we talking about language? This thread is about sex!
Get creative. I don't want to scare the normals. It's your opening.
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Yeah, something about a several hundred thousand letter alphabet is hard to learn :p.
Really, I could use any language to satisfy the foreign language requirements, it's just that my only choice is Spanish. I'd rather learn either Latin, or learn a Germanic language of some sort. (I heard that Dutch is really close to English in a lot of ways, although German or Swedish would work too.)
Can't wait until I get my gen-ed stuff done and go to a REAL college next year.
I can imagine that Dutch is a bitch to learn for an English speaker. (I'm Belgian, and we speak Dutch, don't ask for details.) There are a lot of exception-based verb conjugations and there are more conjugations as a whole. Compared to English, the tenses are harder to form, but easier to use, where as English has not so hard to form tenses and using them correctly, is tricky. Ofcourse, I'm biased, since it's my native tongue. On the other hand, I can speak six languages to a varying degree, so I have some grounds to judge from.
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@ Tshern: Bah to your Finnish. :P
@ Kuro: If you really think English grammar is more structured than Japanese, I don't think I'll be able to convince you of how wrong you are without hours of debate to show you a bajillion examples. And I doubt the whole "Where does a verb go?" example will show you. (Hint: In Japanese it's at the end of the sentence. In English it's wherever the fuck you want it to.) ;)
On topic though:
"Ohhh, you're tighter than you mom."
"My mom used to be a guy."
"Mmmm.. Meat pole."
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During going down on your girl: (If someone could tell me the English term/verb for this, I'd be grateful. "Going down on" seems so...general.)
"Am I doing this right? My grandma only ran through theory with me..."
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@ Tshern: Bah to your Finnish. :P
Ei avauduta.
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@ Kuro: If you really think English grammar is more structured than Japanese, I don't think I'll be able to convince you of how wrong you are without hours of debate to show you a bajillion examples. And I doubt the whole "Where does a verb go?" example will show you. (Hint: In Japanese it's at the end of the sentence. In English it's wherever the fuck you want it to.)
You're right, it doesn't. (Works the same way for Portuguese, actually, and Japanese DOES have more possibilities on where to stick your verb.)
Which reminds me of the cheesiest D&D pick-up lines possible.
"Hey, baby, wanna touch my wand of Fireballs? Infinite charges!"
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Ofcourse, I'm biased, since it's my native tongue. On the other hand, I can speak six languages to a varying degree, so I have some grounds to judge from.
There are few people I envy in this world, but people who can speak multiple languages are one of them.
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"Are you sure it'll fit?"
"It's too big!"
"(Father's/brother's/mother's/sister's) name!"
"Oh quantum mechanics, oh quantum mechanics..."
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"Are you sure it'll fit?"
"It's too big!"
I've gotten that before. Both, as a matter of fact.
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Well, in this case, "Too big!" is meant as in refering to the...hole.
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Well, in this case, "Too big!" is meant as in refering to the...hole.
Ah.
I've never experienced a "hole" that had that problem.
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:P
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Modified from the comic linked at the beginning.
"Happy Birthday, Fluffy! ... Fluffy? NOOOOOOOO!!!!"
I'm a horrible person, aren't I?
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During going down on your girl: (If someone could tell me the English term/verb for this, I'd be grateful. "Going down on" seems so...general.)
"Am I doing this right? My grandma only ran through theory with me..."
"Eating out" is a good substitute.
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"If your pussy is so awesome, eat it yourself! I've got shit to do."
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@Shewolf, thanks.
@Count: You learn other languages fast if your native tongue is only spoken by about 20 mln worldwide, and maybe understood by some 10 mln more (South-African and Dutch are very similar.), and your 10 mln inhabitants country officially has three language groups. :P
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I can imagine that Dutch is a bitch to learn for an English speaker. (I'm Belgian, and we speak Dutch, don't ask for details.)
They're too poor to have a language of their own ;) :P
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I can imagine that Dutch is a bitch to learn for an English speaker. (I'm Belgian, and we speak Dutch, don't ask for details.)
They're too poor to have a language of their own ;) :P
Hehehe. We even had to borrow two other languages as well. :P
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20 million? That's huge.
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Jim Carrey: "I've had better" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPy_ybPWUUs)
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"Butter works really well as lube"
This is a couple pages back but try alfredo sauce...................
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Not sure if this is an old joke or not, but there is always the Darth Vader...
Wear a gas mask while having sex and going "I am your father"... :D
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I think just wearing the gas mask while having sex is enough. Although crude lightsaber jokes could ruin it, too. :D
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This is more a "do" then "say"...
Never dress up as Luke Skywalker and ask someone dressed as Leia for sex.
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I think just wearing the gas mask while having sex is enough.
What's wrong with sexy costumes?
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RP incest? ???
.... Then again, it is Leia :smirk
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Wear a gas mask while having sex and going "I am your father"...
Some people would name it being kinky and call it a day.
"Oh yes, daddy! Shake that booty!"
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RP incest? ???
.... Then again, it is Leia :smirk
Unless it's Darth and Luke. :wow
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Unless it's Darth and Luke.
SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS, DON'T YAOI UP MY STAR WARS!!
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I think just wearing the gas mask while having sex is enough. Although crude lightsaber jokes could ruin it, too. :D
What? You mean "I see that your schwartz is as big as mine?"
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Unless it's Darth and Luke.
SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS, DON'T YAOI UP MY STAR WARS!!
Yes, sir, Mr. Lucas. Sorry, Mr. Lucas. :P
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Is it a bad thing that I can think of far worse things to do to Star Wars then yaoi-ing it up (despite firmly agreeing with Kuro here)?
I know its a bad thing that I can't think of any witty lines that go with them to post in this thread.
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*points to the Ewoks a couple of pages back*
Or you could just visit www.icanhasforce.com instead.
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...I'm afraid that my computer will crash if I click that...
Um, on topic:
"If I said that I had (STD), would that be a bad thing?"
To a stranger: "I like it rough." (Different kind of bad, but still bad)
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"I love you mom"
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Pre-sex:
"Mom, are you still up?" - as a woman over 30.
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"Call me Mickey Mouse"
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"Call me Mickey Mouse"
I'm so saying that to you.
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You better be wearing the ears.
*goes off to buy a Goofy mask*
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You sick fuck.
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Unless it's Darth and Luke.
SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS, DON'T YAOI UP MY STAR WARS!!
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RuleThirtyFour?from=Main.Rule34
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I was wondering if that would get invoked. :lol
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You sick fuck.
Lesson to take away: Don't say things you aren't willing to back up :P
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Perhaps she didn't believe pretending to be Mickey Mouse would cause AC to act as Goofy. That is a storyline I haven't read in any of my Disney books...
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You don't read about Bert and Ernie in the books either... :smirk
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You don't read about Bert and Ernie in the books either... :smirk
Nor do I intend to, but whatever you call the witch who always messes with Scrooge in English... I could read more about her.
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Nor do I intend to, but whatever you call the witch who always messes with Scrooge in English... I could read more about her.
:lol
Priceless Tshern.
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And I don't even know the English name of the character...
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Heh. Neither do I. It's been so long since I've watched any Scrooge...
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True story. Guy and girl were at a hotel. Girl goes on ahead to shower (pre-sex). Guy turns TV on. Girl returns, starts rubbing against him.
"Wait, wait, stop! Stop everything!"
"Why, what's wrong?"
"Conan the Barbarian is on."
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:lol
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Yeah I could see how that might be an issue. You can't turn off that movie and if you leave it on she might think that Conan excites you. Though I have never seen any of those movies.
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I think the mental image of Arnold Schwarzennegger in animal skin underwear would be enough to scar lots of minds.
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Wow, that is tough. Conan the Barbarian or sex.
I always liked the Conan drinking game. Take a shot every time he kills someone. You'll be dead of alcohol poisoning halfway through the movie.
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Personally, I'd pick Conan.
My reasoning is that Conan the Barbarian is always fucking awesome. Sex has been awesome maybe once or twice in my life.
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My reasoning is that Conan the Barbarian is always fucking awesome. Sex has been awesome maybe once or twice in my life.
Wow. Bad partners?
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Bad partner, singular.
I'm sure that nearly anyone is better than my previous, but I have yet to succeed in attracting someone. However, my mood is on an upswing, and I do think eventually I'll find someone. Just not anytime soon :p
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Singing this during sex. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpcUxwpOQ_A)
Totally stole that from the LOL thread. It makes me so happy.
And I definitely intend to sing it to AC... I fear the repercussions, but frankly, It's sooo worth it.
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Oh dear. Now I wish I have my angry cat pic with me...
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Singing this during sex. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpcUxwpOQ_A)
Totally stole that from the LOL thread. It makes me so happy.
And I definitely intend to sing it to AC... I fear the repercussions, but frankly, It's sooo worth it.
It could be worse. You could be singing this song instead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9uC5dAbXLw
:angel
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Oh dear. Now I wish I have my angry cat pic with me...
I have bajillions of them. What nuance of angry would you like?
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The one with the pissed kitty in the water. Mine has a caption saying: "Laugh it up. When I get out of here, someone is going to DIE!!!"
I might have posted it somewhere on this board...
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Hmmm...not sure I have that one though i do have pissed cats in water. Lemme look thru the collection of pics, I've needed a reason to go thru my cd's anyway...
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I just can't believe I left that at work... Wait a second... I sent it someone via Hotmail...
Found it:
It should describe AC's feelings perfectly if Rhino-girl sings that song.
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"I think I left my vibrator on your mom's bed"
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"I think I left my vibrator on your mom's bed"
"I think I left my vibrator in my mom's bed"
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"I think I left my vibrator in your mom." :o
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"Condoms? My mom tells me its sexier when I don't use them."
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Singing this during sex. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpcUxwpOQ_A)
Totally stole that from the LOL thread. It makes me so happy.
And I definitely intend to sing it to AC... I fear the repercussions, but frankly, It's sooo worth it.
It could be worse. You could be singing this song instead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9uC5dAbXLw
:angel
Noooooooooo! Now I can't get that song out of my head. :(
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But see, if I sang the Lesbian Song, then he'd be all, "Lemme go find a girl... and a video camera..."
But today was rather amusing:
Me: *in seductive voice* You've been a naughty boy *grab his butt*
AC: Oh, really? *grabbing mine*
Me: Yeah. A real, real bad boy. You need to be punished. *smack butt*
AC: Uh huh...? *smacks my butt*
Me: Mmhmmn, it's what you do to bad boys... Ooh, but you know what'd be REALLY hot?
AC: What?
Me: Doing the dishes. *sexy moan/whimper*
He attacked me with tickles and cursed my existence for that one. And I still did the dishes. He helped a little.
-
During work I thought of this on (and I don't think it's been said yet...I could be wrong though):
During climax: "I'm cheating on you!!!"
There was another one that I thought of while at work today, but I forgot....
-
"I think I left my vibrator in your mom." :o
"Where are you going??"
"I think I left your mom tied to the Sybian..."
-
Noooooooooo! Now I can't get that song out of my head. :(
I shall try to find you a replacement :D
-
"I think I left my vibrator in your mom." :o
"I think I left my vibrator in my mom."
"I want to stick my nose in you"
-
I was wondering how long it would take for someone to dare to volunteer the obvious follow up. :P
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBUY-sTbsPQ
Here ya go Gawain, this should clear that song from your mind (along with just about everything else. Run. Run quite fast).
-
"I think I left my vibrator in my mom."
"I think I left our vibrator in my dad."
"I think I left our dad in my vibrator."
The possibilities are endless!
-
:lol
-
"Let's have a threesome with my daughter."
-
Because the incest jokes have gone on long enough...
"I think I left my vibrator in your dog." :o
-
Wow, that vibrator really gets around.
-
Wow, that vibrator really gets around.
I know, doesn't it?
-
...
Has anyone seen my vibrator?
-
...
Has anyone seen my vibrator?
:lol
-
I have...
-
"I want to fuck you with my nose."
-
...
Has anyone seen my vibrator?
You mean the Hello Kitty one? Just give me another minute...
-
...
Has anyone seen my vibrator?
You mean the Hello Kitty one? Just give me another minute...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-
:lol
-
The very image of a big grizzly "playing" with a Hello Kitty vibrator... :smirk
-
The very image of a big grizzly "playing" with a Hello Kitty vibrator... :smirk
Plus Fucking One.
-
"Honey I met a hooker yesterday, and on a lark I asked her how much it would be for a four way with you, her, me, and a Lithuanian midget in a tub of warm Pepto-Bismol on a freeway overpass at Midnight. She said it would be three thousand dollars."
"I won the lotto today..."
-
One question: Pepto-Bismol? Seriously?
-
"Jesus loves you"
I would kill if I heard that during sex. Kill.
-
BimR, it doesn't count when you'd say that to someone anyway (if they weren't a Mexican who talked about themselves in the third person).
:lol
-
"Jesus loves you"
I would kill if I heard that during sex. Kill.
What if it was said all sexy like?
Like... Naughty...
>:)
-
BimR apparently isn't a fan of the Priest and Penitent bedroom roleplay. Granted, BimR was likely never a choir boy....*ahem*. :hide
-
I'd hope she wasn't ever a choir boy... :rolleyes
-
I'd hope she wasn't ever a choir boy... :rolleyes
My point precisely.
-
:lol I was in the choir when I was younger, however. :P
-
:lol I was in the choir when I was younger, however. :P
That explains so damn much.
-
BimR apparently isn't a fan of the Priest and Penitent bedroom roleplay.
Is it wrong that I've had fantasies along those lines? :smirk
-
One question: Pepto-Bismol? Seriously?
In my defense the thread is titled the worst thing to say during sex...
-
Start describing your "magic weapon properties" i.e. flaming burst. Hopefully not vorpal.
-
:lol
-
Impact and Speed.
...What?
-
Enfeebling.
-
Collision.
-
:lol LMAO
OMG Tshern...
Oooh... Oh god... What if a girl started listing off the magical properties of her... magical item?
Bag of holding. (Need I say more?)
-
Since mine has the "Massive" property, that would be an ideal match for me. :smirk
-
Bag of holding. (Need I say more?)
Better than a Bag of Devouring (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/teeth/?critic=all).
And along those lines:
Girl says: "Have you seen the movie Teeth?"
-
Bag of holding. (Need I say more?)
Portable hole. You can fit living creatures in it.
-
:lol LMAO
OMG Tshern...
A lot less funny in reality...
Oooh... Oh god... What if a girl started listing off the magical properties of her... magical item?
Bag of holding. (Need I say more?)
Decanter of endless water?
-
Potion of Inflict Serious Wounds. :o
-
Flaming
"It burns when I pee." :P
-
Flaming Burst. :o
-
Because it's related...
So a female Unicorn and a Warforged want to come in for a foursome. You in?
-
Bag of holding. (Need I say more?)
Better than a Bag of Devouring (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/teeth/?critic=all).
And along those lines:
Girl says: "Have you seen the movie Teeth?"
Then there's always Bag of Tricks....
"My God, how many squirrels are in this thing?"
-
During Climax: "(Own name)!"
-
"you're even better than Daddy!"
-
AC: "I'm fondling my taint."
-
AC: "I'm fondling my taint."
For some reason, that doesn't really surprise me...
-
:lol
-
Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.
-
...I'd rather not. :o
-
Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.
*doubles over in sympathetic agony*
Well, actually... no :D
That is like watching a guy get kicked in the balls on TV. The woman will go "Oh, that has got to hurt." The guy will be on the ground clutching his own balls in sympathetic agony.
-
"Man, even Morgan Freeman gives better head than you do."
-
"Man, even Morgan Freeman gives better head than you do."
"Sorry about that. Your sister wasn't a very good teacher."
"You've got a long ways to go before you can suck like Jack Thompson."
-
Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.
Ha. That's nothing.
This friend of mine said the most offensive thing to his girlfriend (who would do anything for him and loves him unconditionally) and I wanted to kill him.
I took a Scotch Bonnet (really hot pepper...I had to wear gloves to cut it) and put the juice from it in his Fleshlight. Look up what a fleshlight is if you don't already know.
It was actually really funny. I was laughing along with AC and my other friend while doing it.
That was probably the most evil thing I have ever done. It was fun. :evillaugh
-
OUCH, I say. That wasn't just evil, it was evil AND twisted.
Though frankly, who needs a fleshlight if you have a girlfriend? No friggin way it's better than the real thing.
-
Ah Scotch Bonnets...truly a wonderful pepper. If you're ever in pain chew up a few raw ones. The endorphin release turns your whole body to rubber. It's like munchin on painkillers.
Now on the downside your mouth is gonna burn a lil for a short period of time...
-
OUCH, I say. That wasn't just evil, it was evil AND twisted.
Though frankly, who needs a fleshlight if you have a girlfriend? No friggin way it's better than the real thing.
Although I'm sure my experiences with women are atypical, I can imagine that no person could possibly be available sexually for anyone else at all times. Therefore, it's best to have some sort of backup that won't ruin your relationship.
-
Right in the midde, suddenly jump up and run to the living room. "Shit, I'm gonna miss Sex & the City!"
-
I had a similar thing happen to me, she jumped up because of some irrelevant Everquest event happening. And I had only climaxed twice, I wasn't anywhere NEAR finished.
-
Right in the midde, suddenly jump up and run to the living room. "Shit, I'm gonna miss Sex & the City!"
There are better shows to miss.
I had a similar thing happen to me, she jumped up because of some irrelevant Everquest event happening. And I had only climaxed twice, I wasn't anywhere NEAR finished.
That's taking game addiction to a whole other level...
-
Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.
Ha. That's nothing.
This friend of mine said the most offensive thing to his girlfriend (who would do anything for him and loves him unconditionally) and I wanted to kill him.
I took a Scotch Bonnet (really hot pepper...I had to wear gloves to cut it) and put the juice from it in his Fleshlight. Look up what a fleshlight is if you don't already know.
It was actually really funny. I was laughing along with AC and my other friend while doing it.
That was probably the most evil thing I have ever done. It was fun. :evillaugh
Okay, it's official, you win one internet. Pick up your prize at the way out :D :clap
-
Ha. That's nothing.
This friend of mine said the most offensive thing to his girlfriend (who would do anything for him and loves him unconditionally) and I wanted to kill him.
I took a Scotch Bonnet (really hot pepper...I had to wear gloves to cut it) and put the juice from it in his Fleshlight. Look up what a fleshlight is if you don't already know.
It was actually really funny. I was laughing along with AC and my other friend while doing it.
That was probably the most evil thing I have ever done. It was fun. :evillaugh
I already knew what that was... and.... oh... oh no.... oh ow.... (As a note, the stuff my friend had is much, much, much hotter than even that pepper, as it's the purified/distilled essence of what makes pepper hot, but... still... ow...) That sounds so painful I'm abusing my ellipses again. Either that, or it's because it's 5 am and I'm totally freaking exhausted. :D
-
Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.
Ha. That's nothing.
This friend of mine said the most offensive thing to his girlfriend (who would do anything for him and loves him unconditionally) and I wanted to kill him.
I took a Scotch Bonnet (really hot pepper...I had to wear gloves to cut it) and put the juice from it in his Fleshlight. Look up what a fleshlight is if you don't already know.
It was actually really funny. I was laughing along with AC and my other friend while doing it.
That was probably the most evil thing I have ever done. It was fun. :evillaugh
Okay, it's official, you win one internet. Pick up your prize at the way out :D :clap
Fuck that shit!
Two internets. :evillaugh
-
Right in the midde, suddenly jump up and run to the living room. "Shit, I'm gonna miss Sex & the City!"
There are better shows to miss.
Exactly why I mentioned it! :lol
-
You all need to hear the whole story, including what said friend told his then girlfriend. We'll let BimR tell that story. :D
On another note, another friend was walking by his roommate's door one day last year on his way to the kitchen, trying not to hear the sex going on when a noise attracted his attention. He stopped and listened for a moment before returning to his room. He called me to explain this noise. "Dude. [Name]'s having sex. And the woman's making goat noises."
-
Not quite a SAY... but.... friend of mine had some pure capsisum (stuff from peppers, ridiculously hot, even feels like it's burning on just plain skin) on his fingers and even after a thorough scrubbing it was still there. Later that night, he and his girlfriend were 'fooling around'. just think how she felt when the traces hit certain... tender spots.
Ha. That's nothing.
This friend of mine said the most offensive thing to his girlfriend (who would do anything for him and loves him unconditionally) and I wanted to kill him.
I took a Scotch Bonnet (really hot pepper...I had to wear gloves to cut it) and put the juice from it in his Fleshlight. Look up what a fleshlight is if you don't already know.
It was actually really funny. I was laughing along with AC and my other friend while doing it.
That was probably the most evil thing I have ever done. It was fun. :evillaugh
Ouch. That's even worse than when I spiked some asshole's football girdle with IcyHot, and pissed on his mouthpiece.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBUY-sTbsPQ
Here ya go Gawain, this should clear that song from your mind (along with just about everything else. Run. Run quite fast).
Actually, this stuck with me less. "I wish I were a lesbian" had a catchier tune.
-
Ha. That's nothing.
This friend of mine said the most offensive thing to his girlfriend (who would do anything for him and loves him unconditionally) and I wanted to kill him.
I took a Scotch Bonnet (really hot pepper...I had to wear gloves to cut it) and put the juice from it in his Fleshlight. Look up what a fleshlight is if you don't already know.
It was actually really funny. I was laughing along with AC and my other friend while doing it.
That was probably the most evil thing I have ever done. It was fun. :evillaugh
Mental note: BimR is evil. Evil is, um, a good thing, of course. No need for her to come hunt me down or anything. :flirt. It could have been worse, if she'd chosen to use this pepper instead:http://www.slashfood.com/2007/02/20/guinness-names-worlds-hottest-pepper/ (http://www.slashfood.com/2007/02/20/guinness-names-worlds-hottest-pepper/)
How long before your 'friend' was able to walk again?
-
How long before your 'friend' was able to walk again?
Better yet, how long before his voice could no longer be heard from screaming in pain too hard?
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBUY-sTbsPQ
Here ya go Gawain, this should clear that song from your mind (along with just about everything else. Run. Run quite fast).
Actually, this stuck with me less. "I wish I were a lesbian" had a catchier tune.
I shall do my best to find something more disturbing
-
How long before your 'friend' was able to walk again?
Better yet, how long before his voice could no longer be heard from screaming in pain too hard?
I wonder if there's a genetic immunity to this sort of thing? I mean I cut up Habaneros all the time, and I've never gotten more than a mild warming sensation for a few seconds. But I always see posts online about the painful burning people endure if htey don't wear gloves.
-
Sing this if you can
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2wtIIT9hMU
-
I wonder if there's a genetic immunity to this sort of thing? I mean I cut up Habaneros all the time, and I've never gotten more than a mild warming sensation for a few seconds. But I always see posts online about the painful burning people endure if htey don't wear gloves.
If there is some sort of immunity to it, sure ain't genetic. My mother is crazy about spicing up food and neither me or my sister can stand the levels she does.
-
Everyone I know has a strong aversion to spicy things, including those near completely devoid of spices. Me? I eat Large Jalapeno Pepper pizzas by myself in one sitting for the lols. When I'm not getting Meat Lovers instead.
-
Everyone I know has a strong aversion to spicy things, including those near completely devoid of spices. Me? I eat Large Jalapeno Pepper pizzas by myself in one sitting for the lols. When I'm not getting Meat Lovers instead.
http://www.davesgourmet.peachhost.com/ct_CGhotsauces.htm (http://www.davesgourmet.peachhost.com/ct_CGhotsauces.htm)Mmmmm, hot sauce. Hot sauce + genitals still = OMG WHY THE PAIN, though.
bhu, in my experience it's less genetic immunity and more tolerance built up over time, as far as dealing with spices is concerned.
-
Ok, so what earned this misogynistic prick his spicy penis prize is what he said to his girlfriend while he was trying to break up with her.
Her: "But I love you, _____"
Him: "No you don't! If you loved me, you'd lose weight."
She does everything for him. She doesn't deserve that shit. Plus, he's fucked around while she's remained faithful. :fo Hate him for that.
And calm down. I don't think he used the fleshlight after I fucked with it, which is unfortunate.
If he did use it, he didn't tell anyone, and that makes things more amusing.
I could've done worse. :plotting
-
Ok, so what earned this misogynistic prick his spicy penis prize is what he said to his girlfriend while he was trying to break up with her.
Her: "But I love you, _____"
Him: "No you don't! If you loved me, you'd lose weight."
She does everything for him. She doesn't deserve that shit. Plus, he's fucked around while she's remained faithful. :fo Hate him for that.
And calm down. I don't think he used the fleshlight after I fucked with it, which is unfortunate.
If he did use it, he didn't tell anyone, and that makes things more amusing.
I could've done worse. :plotting
Heh, even without the backstory, I figured he'd probably come close to deserving it. I'm just sympathetically cringing and shuddering at the thought.
-
Her: "But I love you, _____"
Him: "No you don't! If you loved me, you'd lose weight."
You should crosspost that to the Worst thing to say during sex thread.
-
Her: "But I love you, _____"
Him: "No you don't! If you loved me, you'd lose weight."
You should crosspost that to the Worst thing to say during sex thread.
...Huh? You drunk buddy? :D
-
Her: "But I love you, _____"
Him: "No you don't! If you loved me, you'd lose weight."
You should crosspost that to the Worst thing to say during sex thread.
...Huh? You drunk buddy? :D
Daaaaamn, I wonder if I am. Hehe, I somehow figured I was in the People who should die thread. That's what you get for opening 10-15 tabs at once...
-
Walk in a straight line for me please.
...
Yes, this is still mostly on topic.
-
Walk in a straight line for me please.
That qualifies for the thread.
-
BimR: You should have. Since she loved him, castrating him is out, unfotunately.
For the thread:
"Your daughter is better."
-
Walk in a straight line for me please.
...
Yes, this is still mostly on topic.
That is not the worst thing to say during sex. It is something that will save you from a rape charge...
-
Walk in a straight line for me please.
...
Yes, this is still mostly on topic.
That is not the worst thing to say during sex. It is something that will save you from a rape charge...
I bet it'd break the mood if you say it mid fuck! :P
-
Walk in a straight line for me please.
...
Yes, this is still mostly on topic.
That is not the worst thing to say during sex. It is something that will save you from a rape charge...
I bet it'd break the mood if you say it mid fuck! :P
That depends on position. :smirk
-
Touche. :P
-
I bet it'd break the mood if you say it mid fuck! :P
Not as bad as "I've been convicted of rape, honey."
-
I bet it'd break the mood if you say it mid fuck! :P
Not as bad as "I've been convicted of rape, honey."
"I will be convicted of rape, honey."
"What happened!?"
"You'll see..."
-
bhu, in my experience it's less genetic immunity and more tolerance built up over time, as far as dealing with spices is concerned.
Yeah but I've never had problems, even when I first started. I got some in my eye oonce, but it only took a couple minutes under a water faucet to fix that.
-
Ok, so what earned this misogynistic prick his spicy penis prize is what he said to his girlfriend while he was trying to break up with her.
Her: "But I love you, _____"
Him: "No you don't! If you loved me, you'd lose weight."
She does everything for him. She doesn't deserve that shit. Plus, he's fucked around while she's remained faithful. Hate him for that.
And calm down. I don't think he used the fleshlight after I fucked with it, which is unfortunate.
If he did use it, he didn't tell anyone, and that makes things more amusing.
I could've done worse.
This reminds me. We should post a thread about "moments when you can't win".
Seriously though. There are like a thousand differend sentences he could've used that STILL wouldn't have been that much fail.
-
I bet it'd break the mood if you say it mid fuck! :P
Not as bad as "I've been convicted of rape, honey."
"I will be convicted of rape, honey."
"What happened!?"
"You'll see..."
Hey Tshern, you should crosspost that into the Worst things to say during sex thread. :P
-
Hey Tshern, you should crosspost that into the Worst things to say during sex thread.
To quote Finnish words of wisdom: Cruelty, woman is your name.
-
I loled.
-
To quote Finnish words of wisdom: Cruelty, woman is your name.
I thought that was "bankruptcy, thy name be woman"?
-
I thought that was "bankruptcy, thy name be woman"?
Now, now... not EVERY woman is like Jane Jetson these days...
Okay. Maybe not...
-
Yeah, one of the positive things I can say about my ex is that she was pretty good with money.
-
post-sex
Him: your on the pill right?
Her: No
Him: What? No, I'm too young to be a father!
Her: Don't worry, I can't get pregnant
Him: Why?
Her: Because I used to be a man.
stolen from a Sexy Losers strip
-
:lol
-
"So I bought a tickle me elmo today"
-
I'll tickle your Elmo. :smirk
-
Call me Elmo?
-
I've heard... from a friend... that stuffed toys make great sex toys, especially for the feminine types. I can only ponder how much better one that shakes and vibrates would be.
-
I can only ponder how big the woman would have to be to fit one where a typical sex toy is supposed to go...
-
I can only ponder how little experience one has in the sexual arts if they think penetration is the only means of stimulation... ;)
-
I never said "only", just "typical"
;)
-
Gentlemen... You're both missing the obvious...
Think of the typical shape and size of the typical squeezable teddy bear...
And remember that the Unicorn is the next most common stuffed animal...
-
Look, we all know there's a reason Unicorns only show up to virgin maidens... Those pervs. :D
-
Look, we all know there's a reason Unicorns only show up to virgin maidens... Those pervs. :D
Hence their Cure moderate wounds.
-
Hence their Cure moderate wounds.
That would probably need a Regeneration at least. :-[
-
Hence their Cure moderate wounds.
That would probably need a Regeneration at least. :-[
But that would do just what it says, regenerate.
-
Which is what the unicorn wants... :smirk
-
Probably the virgin too :P
-
Probably the virgin too :P
I doubt that.
-
I don't know. There must be something in it for the virgin in that transaction... :smirk
-
Well, there is definately something in the [spoiler]former[/spoiler] virgin. :P
-
Damned Unicorns...
-
Damned Unicorns...
Must be those damned unicorns who do all this. Kind of like fallen angels.
-
Aren't unicorns a bit too obvious for that? Frankly, I think some women would probably prefer a Cthulhu teddy.
Mmmmm. Tentacles.
-
Aren't unicorns a bit too obvious for that? Frankly, I think some women would probably prefer a Cthulhu teddy.
Mmmmm. Tentacles.
Cthulhu stuffed toys don't usually have very long or flexible tentacles.
-
Cthulhu stuffed toys don't usually have very long or flexible tentacles.
Sad but true.
-
Lols.
I'm so tempted to link this to someone... who has a unicorn cohort...
-
Cthulhu stuffed toys don't usually have very long or flexible tentacles.
Ejo... How the hell do you know that?!
On second thought, I don't wanna know.
-
Ejo... How the hell do you know that?!
On second thought, I don't wanna know.
I am the proud owner of 3? stuffed Cthulhu toys. :D
-
Ever been to a gaming store? They're EVERYWHERE!
-
I've got one! Though I am proud to admit I've never had the need to use it that way...Though now you've got me thinking :smirk
-
Look, we all know there's a reason Unicorns only show up to virgin maidens... Those pervs. :D
You mean I'm never going to see a real unicorn? :'(
-
There are two possible responses to that:
1. No, that boat has sailed.
or
2. For you, given your behaviour sometimes, they may make an exception.
:D
-
You mean I'm never going to see a real unicorn? :'(
Welll... I've got a beard, a long flowing mane, and only one horn...
;)
But you'd have to ask AC's permission.
-
Welll... I've got a beard, a long flowing mane, and only one horn...
;)
But you'd have to ask AC's permission.
You're saying it's... calcified?? Eew!
-
This is less of a “worst thing to say” then a “how not to say the worst thing.”
If you are like me, you can never remember anyones names, least of all the people you are sleeping with (or rather fucking).
So you could just say generic things like “baby” “sweetie” or “the gipper?” WRONG!
You see, women are on to that tactic. As any careful reading of Cosmo will show.
So what you do instead is alter your habits, never refer to anyones name.
Or better yet always speak in third person and refer to others only in reference to you.
Say:
“The woman Josh is fucking is really hot.”
“Josh came suddenly and instructed his sex partner to suck it on down.”
“Josh looked up at the woman writhing on top of him and wondered if she knew the condom just fell off.”
“As Josh entered the woman his penis felt really tight. He wondered if he should ask if he was in the right hole. Then he just decided to start pounding away.”
-
You know, that would explain why Italians like to refer to themselves in the third person... :P
-
I was not going to post these but then I realized that they were funny enough when you know I really said them.
“hand me a condom and I'll show you a trick”
“I don't want to alarm you but I have a penis”
Her: “Take your pants off”
Me: “Work, work, work”
Her: "While you take your pants off let the cat out"
Me: "Is there any reason I need to do the two together?"
-
Her: "While you take your pants off let the cat out"
Me: "Is there any reason I need to do the two together?"
Or perhaps
"Why? Is he going to watch?"
-
You missed the obvious, all of you. Blame it on AC Bob. :P
My mind is now filled with images of Shewolf on Cthulhu action. :P
-
Ever been to a gaming store? They're EVERYWHERE!
Sadly, they don't have good gaming stores where I live.
-
You know, that would explain why Italians like to refer to themselves in the third person... :P
We're very good at what we do.
I've got one! Though I am proud to admit I've never had the need to use it that way...Though now you've got me thinking :smirk
Don't lie. That's why you bought it in the first place.
You mean I'm never going to see a real unicorn? :'(
I'll show you a unicorn. Real horn and everything. :D
-
AC: You got me close to using a rimshot smiley.
-
AC: You got me close to using a rimshot smiley.
As opposed to the rimjob smiley?
-
We're very good at what we do.
:eh I think I'm going to require you to say my name from now on.
I'll show you a unicorn. Real horn and everything. :D
(http://img523.imageshack.us/img523/2134/tarp30198tu6.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)
(http://g.imageshack.us/img523/tarp30198tu6.jpg/1/)
-
AC: You got me close to using a rimshot smiley.
All in a day's work. :smirk
-
AC: You got me close to using a rimshot smiley.
As opposed to the rimjob smiley?
Just when I thought I couldn't get any closer to using it...
(http://www.griffinsgrove.com/a-gift-for-the-unicorn_s.jpg)
Heck, this proves our case, it's clearly seducing the girl. We should call them uniporns instead.
-
So... is that her little pwny? :P
-
The eyes of the uniporn are definitely not locked to the tits of that girl.
-
Fucking Uniporns. :pout :lol
-
Fucking Uniporns. :pout :lol
Quite literally so.
-
[spoiler](http://img369.imageshack.us/img369/9863/unicorn2nu7.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)
(http://g.imageshack.us/img369/unicorn2nu7.jpg/1/)[/spoiler]
Does this mean that unicorns can possibly have TWO "horns" if they're male?
-
Does this mean that unicorns can possibly have TWO "horns" if they're male?
Interesting 'point'.
This obviously means that there are no male UNIcorns. So all unicorns are lesbians as well as perverts.
-
Which explains why they go after the virgins.
-
No, they only have the one growing from their foreheads. There are no female uniporns, that's why the male ones seduce human chicks.
-
I wish I was a male unicorn.
-
No, they only have the one growing from their foreheads. There are no female uniporns, that's why the male ones seduce human chicks.
Kinda like minotaurs then... huh?
-
No, they only have the one growing from their foreheads. There are no female uniporns, that's why the male ones seduce human chicks.
Kinda like minotaurs then... huh?
Yes, apparently creatures with horns are notoriously horny.
-
My horny pun got ninja'ed!
-
Satyrs had lil stubby horns too, didn't they?
-
Satyrs had lil stubby horns too, didn't they?
Aye.
-
(http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/2900/motivator424774di2.jpg)
Oh yes, I went there. It begged for that.
-
:lol
Fucking Epic :P
-
It's a 1-hit KO!
-
AC: You got me close to using a rimshot smiley.
As opposed to the rimjob smiley?
Just when I thought I couldn't get any closer to using it...
(http://www.griffinsgrove.com/a-gift-for-the-unicorn_s.jpg)
Heck, this proves our case, it's clearly seducing the girl. We should call them uniporns instead.
Either that or its thinking "Apple? Bitch I read Snow WHite. Pony ain't no fool."
-
Or possibly the Uniporn gave the apple to the girl... to make her... complacent.
-
Or possibly the Uniporn gave the apple to the girl... to make her... complacent.
I figured that was what calm emotions was for.
-
L, did you know Shinigami love apples? :evillaugh
-
Of course, shinigami can't fall in love without effectively committing suicide.
-
No, they only have the one growing from their foreheads. There are no female uniporns, that's why the male ones seduce human chicks.
Kinda like minotaurs then... huh?
I know a girl, who likes minotaurs.
I found this out by accident.
After introducing an good "immortal" NPC (aka, an attempt to replace all outsiders with one "visually" modifiable race (but pretty much all the same stats-wise and only have 3 classes for all outsiders in a planar raiders game that I was running) that looked like a minotaur with bronze-red fur, a brass great-axe and gold-clad horns; I sort of found this "fact" out.
Suffice it to say, the normally angreh/skargirl/tattooed barbarian half-elf in adamantine armour was gailiy running alongside the bull-headed immortal and killing the guys that he didn't catch in his Burning Breath (one of a laundry list of abilities, basically it was Burning Hands) with her greatsword.
The really funny thing was that I got the bull + human combo on the "creatures" and "humanoids" lists that I had written up. So, really, it was sheer dumb luck that the above happened.
Also.... about Satyrs... they're always ready. Always.
Seriously, any time that a Satyr shows up, it's going to make some people unconfortable knowing that fact. Sometimes it will make everyone uncomfortable when they know that fact.
================
On topic..... worst thing you can say during sex....
"Uh, keep looking forward; I want to pretend you're someone else."
-
Her: Is it okay if I pretend you're Vin Deisel?
Him: Sure, as long as I can pretend you're him, too.
-
Him: Is it okay if I pretend you're Vin Deisel?
Her: Sure, you have the penis size of a bodybuilder...
-
Him: Is it okay if I pretend you're Vin Deisel?
Her: Sure, you have the penis size of a bodybuilder...
+1 :lol
-
"Uh, keep looking forward; I want to pretend you're someone else."
That reminds me of one of my favorite South Park quotes, which fits perfectly into this thread:
Satan: "Saddam, why do you only make love to me from behind? Are you trying to pretend I'm someone else?"
Saddam: "Your ass is red and gigantic. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Menelli?"
-
Not the worst thing that you can say, but your comment reminded me about a girl that got off more on being slapped than anything else.
The really annoying thing about something like that is when you're not mentally prepped for a "strictly slapping session" and expect other things to occur. I mean, you may not want to do just that, but it's better if you know ahead of time that what will happen will be one person turning an other person's rear red. Since that sort of thing may tire you out and not leave you able to do what you were hoping to do.
============
Here's some others:
"Hmmm, that reminds me. We need to get cocktail weenies for my friend's baby shower next saturday."
On the other end of the spectrum:
"If that's going inside me, I'm the only one that's allowed to move, get on your back and give me some pillows for my knees."
And...
Him: "I worship at the altar that is you."
Her: "What a tiny parishoner. I hardly feel your praise."
Him: "I am sorry that I am muted by the size of the catherdral."
-
"If that's going inside me, I'm the only one that's allowed to move, get on your back and give me some pillows for my knees."
Heard something very similar to that before. I'm not joking.
-
Him: "How big was your ex?"
Her: "He was kinda uncomfortable, it felt like a can of pepsi!"
-
"I can see why they call you the coke-can dispenser girl."
-
"Can you occasionally make some moose noises?
-
"Can you occasionally make some moose noises?
:lol Curious, how does a moose sound?
-
"Can you occasionally make some moose noises?
:lol Curious, how does a moose sound?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHu8KNRZ0bg&feature=related
surprisingly non loud
-
"Moose are hot"
-
"Moose are hot"
Sounds like a corollary to Mickey Mouse vs Goofy thingee.
-
Not necessarily "bad" to say, but out of the ordinary. Jumping out from under the sheets, hands on your hips while singing: "Cpt Hammer's here, hair blowing in the breeze, the day needs my saving expertise!"
On the same issue, and probably worse: "This is so nice, I just might sleep with the same girl twice. They say it's better the second time, you get to do all the weird stuff." (Would be quite hot if you had those fangirls chiming in in your bedroom, though.)
-
Not necessarily "bad" to say, but out of the ordinary. Jumping out from under the sheets, hands on your hips while singing: "Cpt Hammer's here, hair blowing in the breeze, the day needs my saving expertise!"
On the same issue, and probably worse: "This is so nice, I just might sleep with the same girl twice. They say it's better the second time, you get to do all the weird stuff." (Would be quite hot if you had those fangirls chiming in in your bedroom, though.)
Just keep that one guy at the back of the group away from me.
-
As long as I can have the really dark brunette with the piggytails.
-
As long as I can have the really dark brunette with the piggytails.
Good god, man, will you stop your whining about the pigtailed brunette?! Living with this guy is just constantly remarks about "dibs on this girl", "dibs on your sis-in-law", "next session, bring along a hot redheaded chick"
More on topic, but not quite: My girlfriend saying non stop "ZOOM ZOOM" (dutch onomatopea for the "buzz" sound of bees) during, the whole 8 hours!
More often than not, she has these weird behaviours during sex which I'll maybe remind one of these and post here.
-
Pics or it didn't happen. :P
-
Pics or it didn't happen. :P
Pics of Gawain constantly claiming each and every girl? That's kinda hard since it's more soundrelated. The zooming too.
-
I DO believe he mentioned the eight hour thing.
-
As long as I can have the really dark brunette with the piggytails.
Good god, man, will you stop your whining about the pigtailed brunette?! Living with this guy is just constantly remarks about "dibs on this girl", "dibs on your sis-in-law", "next session, bring along a hot redheaded chick"
More on topic, but not quite: My girlfriend saying non stop "ZOOM ZOOM" (dutch onomatopea for the "buzz" sound of bees) during, the whole 8 hours!
More often than not, she has these weird behaviours during sex which I'll maybe remind one of these and post here.
I think he's talking about Dr. Horrible, Vidar.
-
"So uh...next week I was thinking of bringing in a cheerleading squad to do some cheers and uh..inspire us..."
-
"Wait, what did they just spell out?"
-
"Yes I want to do that. Yes, I'm serious. You're confusing the morals that other people have with the fact that I've got standards my dear. I don't have morals, and you are up to my standards. Now my dear, let's begin with the waterboarding."
"Call me no other name, save Pedobear."
-
As long as I can have the really dark brunette with the piggytails.
Good god, man, will you stop your whining about the pigtailed brunette?! Living with this guy is just constantly remarks about "dibs on this girl", "dibs on your sis-in-law", "next session, bring along a hot redheaded chick"
More on topic, but not quite: My girlfriend saying non stop "ZOOM ZOOM" (dutch onomatopea for the "buzz" sound of bees) during, the whole 8 hours!
More often than not, she has these weird behaviours during sex which I'll maybe remind one of these and post here.
I think he's talking about Dr. Horrible, Vidar.
See, Bozwevial understands me. I never laid dibs on your sis-in-law. Just wanted a pancake off her belly, that's all. I'm not suicidal.
-
"Man you were awesome for a fat chick (guy/camel/whatever). What? Hey whats that cheese grater for?"
-
As long as I can have the really dark brunette with the piggytails.
Good god, man, will you stop your whining about the pigtailed brunette?! Living with this guy is just constantly remarks about "dibs on this girl", "dibs on your sis-in-law", "next session, bring along a hot redheaded chick"
More on topic, but not quite: My girlfriend saying non stop "ZOOM ZOOM" (dutch onomatopea for the "buzz" sound of bees) during, the whole 8 hours!
More often than not, she has these weird behaviours during sex which I'll maybe remind one of these and post here.
I think he's talking about Dr. Horrible, Vidar.
I'm going to refrain from an explicit long sarcastic comment and say "duh" here.
-
Him "Oh sh*t, it fell off!"
Her "The condom?"
Him "No, my c*ck!"
:bigeye
-
Sing "Detachable Penis"
-
"Did your left titty just wink at me?"
Yeah. Im from Venus.
"That thing isn't gonna shoot lasers up mah ass when I grab my pants off the floor is it?"
What the hell is the fascination you humans have with being violated anally? Jesus I shoulda picked up that Martian in the bar.
-
"That thing isn't gonna shoot lasers up mah ass when I grab my pants off the floor is it?"
No, that's what the jack-o-lantern is for.
-
Was it ood for you too?
"Sigh...No. No Madeleine it was not. You have failed yourself as a woman and me as a lover, and brought shame to generations yet to come should anyone ever again be foolish enough to allow you the chance to produce their offspring. May you be beaten with the scrotums of a 1000 monkeys."
-
Was it ood for you too?
"Sigh...No. No Madeleine it was not. You have failed yourself as a woman and me as a lover, and brought shame to generations yet to come should anyone ever again be foolish enough to allow you the chance to produce their offspring. May you be beaten with the scrotums of a 1000 monkeys."
:D
-
:lmao
-
Chuck Negron (http://www.cracked.com/article_16120_historys-7-most-astounding-sexual-resumes.html) is the relevant entry in that article. To sum up, "And then it exploded."
-
So was it better this time?
"Yes Madeleine."
Really? I did good?
"No. No when I said it was better it was in more of a different sense than you were thinking. Before our encounter I had the paranoid belief that God might indeed hate me. Now I know he does."
-
AC: "You know, sometimes I want to hit you...
Out of love."
-
"Is it too late to mention I have genital herpes?"
-
"Is it too early to mention I have genital herpes?"
-
"When were you going to mention your genital herpes?"
-
"What are you doing?"
"Writing a Dear John letter."
"Wha...?"
"Oh, hey, how do you spell herpes?"
-
"I love you"
That. That one right there... Said by the wrong person, during my fun-fun time, it will piss me off so bad.
You don't love ME, you love what I have. :fo
-
I think calling it 'fun-fun time' is enough to kill the mood for me
-
I think calling it 'fun-fun time' is enough to kill the mood for me
Sounds like something one would do with an eight year old.
-
I think calling it 'fun-fun time' is enough to kill the mood for me
Sounds like something one would do with an eight year old.
So...?
-
And that opens up a whole new can of worms :P
-
Just try to guess how I knew so well what it sounded like.
-
I think calling it 'fun-fun time' is enough to kill the mood for me
How about collar and leash time? :flirt
-
I think calling it 'fun-fun time' is enough to kill the mood for me
How about collar and leash time? :flirt
Tell me Sunic, are you the leasher or the leashé? hehe lichee...njum.
-
I think calling it 'fun-fun time' is enough to kill the mood for me
How about collar and leash time? :flirt
Tell me Sunic, are you the leasher or the leashé? hehe lichee...njum.
The pup is probably a leashé.
-
How about collar and leash time?
That's not the worst thing that could be said during sex, even if it was not said by me.
-
"Look out, I'm going to piss in you!" :lmao
As I recall, supposedly said by a French king, but I cannot recall which one or where I read it.
Don't think this one has been posted before. I hope not.
-
"Here Fido! Good boy!" :puppy
-
I think calling it 'fun-fun time' is enough to kill the mood for me
How about collar and leash time? :flirt
Tell me Sunic, are you the leasher or the leashé? hehe lichee...njum.
The pup is probably a leashé.
I'm a Dom. Nice try though. Lucky for you you aren't female. Or are you? *PAO* :P
"I cast Polymorph any Object."
-
"Here Fido! Good boy!" :puppy
This has a personal touch with me, I had a dog named Fido once. No innuendo.
-
"Here Fido! Good boy!" :puppy
This has a personal touch with me, I had a dog named Fido once. No innuendo.
Inneundo is an implication. So if I just flat out say he likes it Doggy Style, that's ok right? :D
-
Inneundo is an implication. So if I just flat out say he likes it Doggy Style, that's ok right?
Depends. Is he the one on all fours?
Another one:
"Come on, I REALLY need it in my ass!"
"Hon, you know the rules... no poo-poo on the pee-pee."
"Awww, you made it in terms a four-year-old could understand!"
"While we're at it: no four-year-olds on the pee-pee."
-
Reminds me of a bad punchline:
"Get off me, Pa, you're crushin' my smokes!'
-
I'd say they both are. :P
-
I'd say they both are. :P
How does that happen is unknown to me though, if you do it doggy style, go all the way like they do.
-
Don't make me Rule Thirty Four this shit! :D
-
I'm sure it's been done.
-
Of course it has, we've thought about it.
-
Screw the rules, I have money!
(cookie for the reference)
-
Didn't that used to be in Nox's sig?
-
[spoiler] (Seto) Kaiba. [/spoiler]
-
Correct, Elennsar.
-
You don't love ME, you love what I have. :fo
I would never say it to someone I don't, but there are many types of love.
-
Love's one of those fickle words. :P
-
"Man even goats give beeter head than you."
How the fuck do you know what goat head is like/
"My religion forbids me to discuss my sex life explicitly..."
-
"Man even goats give beeter head than you."
How the fuck do you know what goat head is like/
"It's simple, MAdeleine. I'm pretty sure your mom is a goat."
-
"I love you"
That. That one right there... Said by the wrong person, during my fun-fun time, it will piss me off so bad.
You don't love ME, you love what I have. :fo
That's why I make it a point to never say those three words to anyone. Ever. Love doesn't exist in the way people think it does. I love only what I can possess, and that doesn't include people.
-
and that doesn't include people.
I'm sorry you think that way. >:)
-
This thread is epic. (And I'm still not off topic... which makes this thread more epic)
-
My roomate just walked into the shop where I worked and asked if we could speak in private...Then he asked if I could not have sex while hes trying to sleep...
I said I was so sorry and I'll try to be quieter in the future (it really can get a bit loud) but he said it's not the volume, but more the 'quality of noise'
*sheepish grin*
-
My roomate just walked into the shop where I worked and asked if we could speak in private...Then he asked if I could not have sex while hes trying to sleep...
I said I was so sorry and I'll try to be quieter in the future (it really can get a bit loud) but he said it's not the volume, but more the 'quality of noise'
*sheepish grin*
I told you guys to leave that goat alone!!! :P
-
They're Scottish?
-
~BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~
-
My roomate just walked into the shop where I worked and asked if we could speak in private...Then he asked if I could not have sex while hes trying to sleep...
I said I was so sorry and I'll try to be quieter in the future (it really can get a bit loud) but he said it's not the volume, but more the 'quality of noise'
*sheepish grin*
:lmao
-
My roomate just walked into the shop where I worked and asked if we could speak in private...Then he asked if I could not have sex while hes trying to sleep...
I said I was so sorry and I'll try to be quieter in the future (it really can get a bit loud) but he said it's not the volume, but more the 'quality of noise'
*sheepish grin*
I told you guys to leave that goat alone!!! :P
No touching BimR's goat! Wait, no, that sounds wrong.... REALLY wrong in this thread. :lmao
-
Could be worse... could be a troupe of goat-loving midgets. With mayonnaise.
-
Could be worsebetter... could be a troupe of goat-loving midgets. With mayonnaise.
fixed :D
-
fixed
I draw the line at the animals, thank you. Almost everything else, I could get into.
-
I draw the line at the animals, thank you. Almost everything else, I could get into.
No sex with people?
How sad. :(
-
No sex with people?
How sad. sad
I admit, sir. You got me there.
Okay. I draw the line at the animals without human-like proportions and with too much fur.
This includes overly hairy women. Nothing says "there goes my sex drive" like a woman who doesn't shave.
-
Some hair can be fine, as long as it's kept under control.
70s style bush though, I agree, is kind of just terrible.
-
"The next time we do it do you mind if I yodel 'Drop kick me Jesus, through the goal posts of life' during the festivities?"
-
'oops, I thought that was a fart'
-
Nah, couldn't have been the goat that was bothering him, it was gagged.
-
I love you. :lol
-
Did you gag both mouths? ;)
-
She said goat, not half-finished-two-headed-red-robe-eating goats.
-
This thread delivers.
-
It was a normal goat, only one gag...mayhaps I should have been gagged instead :-\
-
It both wins AND delivers.
Not to mention, it's orgasmic.
-
It was a normal goat, only one gag...mayhaps I should have been gagged instead :-\
Aw, but then you can't howl! And that's half the fun!
Yes, I am still marveling at the sort of ridiculous shit I can say here without going off topic.
-
Sunic, if you can't hear her screams THROUGH the gag, then you're not doing it right. :smirk
-
Sunic, if you can't hear her screams THROUGH the gag, then you're not doing it right. :smirk
Regardless, it's still more fun if she can express herself fully. :P
-
Regardless, it's still more fun if she can express herself fully. :P
Hehe, true.
Also, I'd like to nominate that as one of the best things to be saying in the middle of sex. ;)
-
Regardless, it's still more fun if she can express herself fully. :P
Hehe, true.
Also, I'd like to nominate that as one of the best things to be saying in the middle of sex. ;)
:fo Stop being offtopic.
;) In case it isn't obvious.
-
"There's not enough blood!!"
:love
-
The appropriate response, of course, is to stab out an eye with your finger. :D
(http://i.somethingawful.com/forumsystem/emoticons/emot-psypop.gif)
-
Or tear stuff.
-
Here I was thinking a claw hammer would fix the problem fastest...
-
Explosives!
-
Explosives!
Win.
-
"Mmmmm.... Sexy, sexy explosives."
-
Handy too.
-
Must. Resist. That's what she said. Comment.
-
Read this right after reading this thread, and I couldn't help but cross post it.
Let's see if we can sort this out without either of us going douchey, shall we?
:lmao :lmao :lmao
-
Her: Hand me that douche.
Him: Wha? Why? We're in the middle of sex.
Her: I need to clean out the other hole.
Him: :D
Her: :smirk
*one minute later*
Him: Now? :flirt
Her: :lol No. It's not for you, it's for them *big furry lumberjacks exit from the closet naked*
Him: :bigeye
Her: Now hurry up and clean yours too.
-
"Put a finger in the ass"
"Urgh... ready..."
"MY ASS, not yours!"
-
Does ice make good sex toys?
-
Because Obvious Setup is Obvious...
Plus Fucking One, and excellent technique. :P
Gods, Sunic. You make me feel so special.
No. For real, you seriously, really, fucking do.
When you say these things to me, I just crack this big, monstrous smile and the rest of my day is just... That... Much...
Brighter.
:D
Hrmm... Loses a little in the text. ;)
:lmao
-
Does ice make good sex toys?
Ice Power sure as hell does.
-
Does ice make good sex toys?
Ice Power sure as hell does.
Links or it didn't happen.
-
Is it bad that my first thought was Shivering Touch. :smirk
-
Is it bad that my first thought was Shivering Touch. :smirk
Where the fuck is the evil smiley?
-
:cc cthevil
-
What's evil in tossing some Ice Power up someone's vagina? If you are adult enough to spread the legs, you are adult enough to carry the consequences.
-
This one? :marx
-
Does ice make good sex toys?
It does indeed. Especially when it's ice made from hot sauce. >:)
And yes, obvious set up is very obvious.
-
Well, she wanted some hot action, right?
-
Does ice make good sex toys?
It does indeed. Especially when it's ice made from hot sauce. >:)
And yes, obvious set up is very obvious.
Ejo stole my follow up! :P
Tshern: :lmao
-
*rimshot*
-
So I have this neat trick to show you...
-
"You should've seen the dump I had today..."
-
"Why is there another guy in our bedroom? You thinking of a threesome?"
No, he's just there to hum the national anthem into your buttcheeks while you plow me.
"Oh okay."
"Wait...what?"
-
"Safe word? We don't need a safe word, right honey?"
-
"It's not for you, it's for me".
And depending on the chick in question... the anthem might be necessary. Some gals, you'd only do them for loving your country...
-
"No, I'm not allergic. Why do you ask?"
-
"Honey, I just noticed Mr Scruffy isn't in his cage; you didn't let the tarantula out, did you?"
-
"So I read about this thing called a 'Donkey Punch' on the Internet today...."
-
"So I read about this thing called a 'Donkey Punch' on the Internet today...."
:lmao :lmao :lmao
-
"hey honey your obgyn told me about your recent infections...and uh...I guess I should fess up I've been sticking my cock in the peanut butter again..."
-
(while holding a thread and needle in one hand, and an octopus in the other)
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!" :cc
-
(while holding a thread and needle in one hand, and an octopus in the other)
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!" :cc
Now thats funny :clap
-
(while holding a thread and needle in one hand, and an octopus in the other)
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!" :cc
Ha ha! That's beautiful.
However, given my great love of all things Lovecraft, it could be fun for my girlfriend to wear a Squid mask in bed and gurgle incoherent and alien babble while we're doin' it.
THAT's what you call GGG.
-
I was at a hotel room after a meet-up and and two of the people there snuck off to a separate room for some "alone time". So one of my friends goes to the door after about five minutes and calls out to them, "I've got winner!"
-
I was at a hotel room after a meet-up and and two of the people there snuck off to a separate room for some "alone time". So one of my friends goes to the door after about five minutes and calls out to them, "I've got winner!"
:lmao
-
"Why is there a referee in the corner?"
-
Why are you checking the mail?
"I wanna see how my clinic tests came out."
What?
"Aw man, my penis has rabies.'
WHAT?
"I knew I shouldn't have outta fucked that sheep."
WHAT?
"Relax I been taking shots just in case."
WHAT ABOUT ME?
"It's kewl. I got extras from the doc. Bend over."
-
My girlfriend and I had a competition with my housemate and her boyfriend. The goal was to see who could shout "Pikachu, I choose YOU!" during the moment of climax first (we share a wall). Neither one of us was ever able to do it, though at one point the two of them started both shouting my girlfriend's name during sex... and considering what we were doing at the time, we both started shouting her boyfriend's name.
...I guess that wasn't the worst, but it was true at least.
JaronK
-
That's awesome, Jaron. :lmao
-
:lmao
-
""Oh man, that was great...DAD?!"
"Sorry honey. Your on the pill right?"
-
"Can you dress up like the Pope next time?"
-
"Can you dress up like the Pope next time?"
Not the worst thing you can say unless the guy/gal in question is a REALLY devout catholic, and even so, clergy members are kinky by definition.
-
"Can you dress up like the Pope next time?"
"The Pope is better at that than you are."
-
"The Pope is better at that than you are."
That might qualify as the best thing to say during sex. :laugh:
-
"The Pope is better at that than you are."
We so need to make another template for that joke.
-
"Oh, God, Father Lillyman!"
-
"Oh no, David Bowie!"
-
"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Jesus! Oh Jesus! Oh God!"
[spoiler]Said by Mary while having sex with Joseph.[/spoiler]
-
"Oh no, David Bowie!"
*tilts head* what's wrong with David Bowie, exactly?
-
Clearly telling him no is what's wrong to say during sex. :-P
-
:laugh: This is why I love you.
-
Well, some people just don't take no for an answer...
Also, BIMR and AC know about this, but AC was having an argument with the fiance of a friend of ours about my relationship with my boyfriend.
Our friend's fiance was adamant that no matter what, being struck and beat up on is abuse, etc.
AC: No, you don't understand, he's not hitting her out of anger, she has trained him to do that, it's what she wants.
She kept arguing the point, where our friend chimes in with:
"Honey, he could pick up a chair, break it over her, and she would have an orgasm"
From what I understand, that killed her argument :D
-
<offtopic> *foresees chair throwing in this thread's near future* </offtopic>
-
I would try to throw i chair, but the last time I tried to throw something over the internet, I smashed my computer.
-
Hey my kids have never seen this before, mind if they watch?
-
Chair?
"Steve, stop being a douchebag."
-
Chair?
"Steve, stop being a douchebag."
Priceless.
I don't feel like reading through all 38 pages, so hopefully this isn't a repeat:
"Your sister is much tighter."
-
Chair?
"Steve, stop being a douchebag."
Priceless.
I don't feel like reading through all 38 pages, so hopefully this isn't a repeat:
"Your sister is much tighter."
"Your sister is much looser."
-
"Your brother is much tighter."
-
"Your dog is much tighter."
-
"Your dog is much tighter."
"I know."
-
"Your four-year-old cousin Nick is much tighter."
Fun for the whole family.
-
"Next time can your mom join in?"
-
Inspired by Family Guy "Live from New York..."
-
:lmao
As with all my other off topic posts here, it's actually on topic.
-
Her: You're a fun-fucker.
Him: Does that mean you're fun?
Her: I'm very fun. Ask my dad.
-
Ma'am, I'm an official thong inspector. *grab her ass* Please bear with it, Ma'am, this is my job. *grope* Ah, your thong seems to be leaking, Ma'am. I'll have to inspect it. *remove thong*...
-
Ma'am, I'm an official thong inspector. *grab her ass* Please bear with it, Ma'am, this is my job. *grope* Ah, your thong seems to be leaking, Ma'am. I'll have to inspect it. *remove thong*...
This could be a very bad thing. Has she been eating a lot of Olestra potato chips? :puke
-
Not that kind of leaking!!!
Although, as AC concedes, that would make it one of the worst things to say during sex...
-
Ma'am, I'm an official thong inspector. *grab her ass* Please bear with it, Ma'am, this is my job. *grope* Ah, your thong seems to be leaking, Ma'am. I'll have to inspect it. *remove thong*...
This could be a very bad thing. Has she been eating a lot of Olestra potato chips? :puke
Actually, the studies that showed olestra gave you the runs were imperfect, on the grounds that diarrhea is the most common illness in westerners. They chould have just gotten the runs from something else.
-
"...I can't get off unless you laugh like Woody Woodpecker..." :twitch
-
"...I can't get off unless you laugh like Woody Woodpecker..." :twitch
"...will it do if I laugh like Skeletor instead?"
-
I think this link belongs here....
For anyone like me who is addicted to Left 4 Dead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW8tE93Vx8Q
-
I think this link belongs here....
For anyone like me who is addicted to Left 4 Dead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW8tE93Vx8Q
lol, nice!
-
"You have perhaps noticed the turkey baster filled with habanero sauce on the nightstand. I think it's time you found out what it's for..."
-
"Well, now that I have you, I think I should tell you I'm a necrophiliac..."
-
"Well, now that I have you, I think I should tell you I'm a necrophiliac..."
:lmao
-
"To tell the truth, I lied about having a vasectomy."
-
"To tell the truth, I lied about having a vasectomy."
That was one of the subplots in Desperate Housewives (my wife likes that show...).
-
Sure Phaedrus, sure... ;)
:P
-
Squadalah! We are off!
-
"Your mother and I are so proud your not a virgin anymore."
-
"Your mother and I are so proud your not a virgin anymore."
That's totally dependant on who the mother is, what sex the person you spoke to is, and who the heck are YOU.
-
The intention is father talking to daughter post coitus.
-
I feel so left out of this thread.... I can't say anything to my wife during sex. :(
This usually suffices though:
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/119/309935234_aea8eca432.jpg?v=0)
I suppose I could always do this too:
[spoiler](http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/430062/2/istockphoto_430062_middle_finger.jpg)[/spoiler]
For those not in the know, I can't say anything to my wife at any time. I just gesticulate a lot.
-
:lmao
Rock on.
-
She can't read lips I take it?
-
Not all postitions allow for that ;)
-
She can't read lips I take it?
No, not really. It's a skill like any other, and some people suck as certain skills. She sucks at that one.
Not all postitions allow for that ;)
Very true.
I will admit, sometime shortly after meeting her in college, I wondered what kind of noises a deaf person would make during sex. A few years later I found out. They scream and moan in pleasure just like all the others are depicted.
-
Heh. Fair enough.
-
I feel so left out of this thread.... I can't say anything to my wife during sex. :(
This usually suffices though:
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/119/309935234_aea8eca432.jpg?v=0)
I suppose I could always do this too:
[spoiler](http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/430062/2/istockphoto_430062_middle_finger.jpg)[/spoiler]
For those not in the know, I can't say anything to my wife at any time. I just gesticulate a lot.
Looks painful
-
I feel so left out of this thread.... I can't say anything to my wife during sex. :(
This usually suffices though:
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/119/309935234_aea8eca432.jpg?v=0)
I suppose I could always do this too:
[spoiler](http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/430062/2/istockphoto_430062_middle_finger.jpg)[/spoiler]
For those not in the know, I can't say anything to my wife at any time. I just gesticulate a lot.
Looks painful
I think maybe you're thinking of this one -
(http://bwithers.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/blog-wp-content-images-shocker-hand.png?w=288&h=300)
-
Wall e
Me: Eeeeva?
AC: Waaaaall e!
Me: Eeeeeva!
AC: *sexy voice* waaaall e...
Me: Eeeeva....?
AC: *while humping my leg* Waaaaall e!
Me: *reflects on life and wonders where it all went wrong*
AC: *starts sucking on my arm to mess with me*
Me: Stop sucking on my weenis...
AC: *keeps sucking*
Me: I'm starting to like it. :D
AC: *recoils*
-
Epic win is epic :P
-
Epic win is epic :P
Plus Fucking One. :P
-
Epic win is epic :P
Plus Fucking One. :P
Plus fucking, period.
-
While playing around with bondage: "Ever been in a snuff film?" :plotting
-
Wait....Either the answer is "no" or she won't answer. I guess either way is pretty bad...
Ooh, I guess she could've been the one "snuffing" rather than being "snuffed". Or acting. "Acting".
-
While playing around with bondage: "Ever been in a snuff film?" :plotting
"Yes. Four of them. Get ready for the surprise." :devil
-
While playing around with bondage: "Ever been in a snuff film?" :plotting
"Well there was that fat chick I accidentally killed while appearing in 'Lets Buttfuck Jessica to Death', but since it wasn't on purpose I guess I can say no."
-
"Do you want to know how I got my scars?"
-
"Do you want to know how I got my scars?"
Why so serious?
-
"Do you want to know how I got my scars?"
"Can you believe my own Dad did that to me? Doesn't it look like a face?"
Cookie for those who recognize quote
-
"hmmmmm....should my next level be Initiate of the Sevenfold veil or should I get the 6th level of Malconvoker? I mean - I have the immediate veil already - but the next veils get really good, but Malconvoker is more in character and that 6th level will give my Planar binds some extra oomph. What do you think?"
-
Her: *moaning* Ohh, was it good for you?
Him: Oh yeah.
Her: Good. Can you take it out now?
-
Her: *moaning* Ohh, was it good for you?
Him: Oh yeah.
Her: Good. Can you take it out now?
Him: I thought it was good for your ear!
-
Her: *moaning* Ohh, was it good for you?
Him: Oh yeah.
Her: Good. Can you take it out now?
Him: I thought it was good for your ear!
:lmao
-
Funny until you hear it in real life.
-
Funny until you hear it in real life.
Hahah--
Wait, what?
-
Funny until you hear it in real life.
Hahah--
Wait, what?
Umm, nothing.
-
Her: *moaning* Ohh, was it good for you?
Him: Oh yeah.
Her: Good. Can you take it out now?
We were taking out a leaf from a table!!!! The table was sorta stuck together, so we had to tug and pull and exert ourselves to pull the table apart...
Point being: you're a sick bastard.
-
I got to watch :smirk
-
"Have i ever regaled you with the story of how my 17th level Paladin of Pelor killed a rampaging Frost Giant with nothing but his penis?"
-
"Have i ever regaled you with the story of how my 17th level Paladin of Pelor killed a rampaging Frost Giant with nothing but his penis?"
*coughcoughLayonHandscough*
-
"Have i ever regaled you with the story of how my 17th level Paladin of Pelor killed a rampaging Frost Giant with nothing but his penis?"
*coughcoughLayonHandscough*
Why do you think AC likes playing clerics so much? :smirk
-
They have other healing powers though. Seems to me AC likes Bone Knights too, hopefully the innuendo is clear enough here.
-
I cast Enlarge Person.
-
I cast Enlarge Person.
Much to womens' disgruntlement, a penis is not a person. :p
Seems to me AC likes Bone Knights too, hopefully the innuendo is clear enough here.
:lmao Crystal clear
-
Her: *moaning* Ohh, was it good for you?
Him: Oh yeah.
Her: Good. Can you take it out now?
We were taking out a leaf from a table!!!! The table was sorta stuck together, so we had to tug and pull and exert ourselves to pull the table apart...
Point being: you're a sick bastard.
I think one can draw sick bastardness from starting a thread call "Worst thing to say during sex"
-
I cast Enlarge Person.
Much to womens' disgruntlement, a penis is not a person. :p
Everything is still twice as tall/long and 8 times as heavy. This is why you should be concerned:
If insufficient room is available for the desired growth, the creature attains the maximum possible size and may make a Strength check (using its increased Strength) to burst any enclosures in the process. If it fails, it is constrained without harm by the materials enclosing it— the spell cannot be used to crush a creature by increasing its size.
-
I cast Enlarge Person.
Much to womens' disgruntlement, a penis is not a person. :p
Everything is still twice as tall/long and 8 times as heavy. This is why you should be concerned:
If insufficient room is available for the desired growth, the creature attains the maximum possible size and may make a Strength check (using its increased Strength) to burst any enclosures in the process. If it fails, it is constrained without harm by the materials enclosing it— the spell cannot be used to crush a creature by increasing its size.
:twitch
Oh... :hide
And that AC guy is such a perv for starting this thread without anyone bugging him incessantly to make it. He's such a sicko, I swear!
-
:evillaugh
-
Powerful build, anyone?
-
Powerful build, anyone?
A goliath with the first barbarian sub level goes into rage as he climaxes.....
*rrrrriiiiiiipppp!*
PS - Lithoderms... for her pleasure.
-
Powerful build, anyone?
Needs relevant quotes.
-
AC: "Ow, stop! That hurts"
Me: "That's what she said"
AC: "That's what she's GONNA say"
-
AC: "Ow, stop! That hurts"
Me: "That's what she said"
AC: "That's what she's GONNA say"
Elaborate. Now. :lmao
-
Powerful build, anyone?
Needs relevant quotes.
Treated as one size category larger any time it would be advantageous to you.
...Any time.
-
Powerful build, anyone?
Needs relevant quotes.
Treated as one size category larger any time it would be advantageous to you.
...Any time.
:evillaugh
-
I cast Enlarge Person.
I cast Enlarge Person followed up by a Quickened Reduce Person *.
* Not cast on the same target, obviously. :p
Treated as one size category larger any time it would be advantageous to you.
...Any time.
You win the thread.
-
...Goliath. Expansion.
-
...Goliath. Expansion.
Two handed weapons always packed a HUGE punch :P
-
This has undoubtedly been mentioned at least once before, but...
I put on my wizard robe and hat!
-
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Tuuuuuuurtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Tuuuuuuuuuuuurtles..."
-
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Tuuuuuuurtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Tuuuuuuuuuuuurtles..."
Why the fuck did you bring Faelryinth into this shit? :fo
-
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Tuuuuuuurtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Tuuuuuuuuuuuurtles..."
Why the fuck did you bring Faelryinth into this shit? :fo
What the hell does TMNT have to do with Faelryinth?!
-
He likes turtles.
-
He likes turtles.
He must be a big Baiken fan, then.
-
To elaborate, Faelryinth likes turtles.
-
To elaborate, Faelryinth likes turtles.
Touché.
-
http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=9jWS9nccpYk
-
Oh, it's a turtling joke, I think.
-
http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=9jWS9nccpYk
:lmao
-
...
Fuck you. :fo
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/350537
-
Oh, it's a turtling joke, I think.
It's a reference to all his turtling sword & board builds that give you so much AC that your enemies ignore you and kill your squishy allies. :smirk
-
And then he tries to claim that a Wizard using Prismatic Sphere is not a far superior turtle, even if also Shapechanged into a Dire Tortoise to act on nonexistent surprise rounds. :lmao
-
I'm sure it's been mentioned earlier inthread, but...yelling your own name.
-
Our daughter is tighter than you
-
(spoken far too loudly with a lower-class British accent) Ooh, it's all sticky!
-
"Now I know why the guys at the Lovecraft Fanfiction Circle down at the library call you 'She Whose Ass Should Not Be Tapped' ".
-
So anyway you know how we were going to film this? The only camera guy I could find on such short notice was your dad.
-
You don't mind the spiders terribly, do you?
-
You don't mind the spiders terribly, do you?
As long as you don't mind the goats, the midgets and the mayonnaise, no.
-
[Blatant Family Guy ripoff]
Clinton: Hey Lois, you up for a little NAFTA?
Lois: NAFTA?
Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon Fuckin' That Ass!
[/Blatant Family Guy ripoff]
-
You don't mind the spiders terribly, do you?
I pretty much have to date women that don't mind the spiders, because to the giant ones I keep in cages, and the wild ones I let live in my apartment.
-
You don't mind the spiders terribly, do you?
I pretty much have to date women that don't mind the spiders, because to the giant ones I keep in cages, and the wild ones I let live in my apartment.
Wow... no wonder you complain about your love life so much. I used to have a pet snake... until I decided that I hated celibacy.
-
You don't mind the spiders terribly, do you?
I pretty much have to date women that don't mind the spiders, because to the giant ones I keep in cages, and the wild ones I let live in my apartment.
Wow... no wonder you complain about your love life so much. I used to have a pet snake... until I decided that I hated celibacy.
Fuck'em. If they have issues with spiders, then they're not deserving of me. They can go fuck themselves as far as I care.
-
Wow... no wonder you complain about your love life so much. I used to have a pet snake... until I decided that I hated celibacy.
I have a pet snake and had no problems.
-
Wow... no wonder you complain about your love life so much. I used to have a pet snake... until I decided that I hated celibacy.
I have a pet snake and had no problems.
Yeah, it's usually not the pet. Plus, I know lots of women that like snakes. Fewer like tarantulas, but generally are content if they stay on their side of the glass and the tarantulas stay on theirs.
Really, the only consistent factor of my failed relationships have been myself.
-
Snakes used to be chick magnets when I went to college.
Of course, it didn't take much back then...
-
Where did you go to college ???
I want in :P
Or is it more a case of 'when' instead of 'where'?
-
Where did you go to college ???
I want in :P
Or is it more a case of 'when' instead of 'where'?
I only graduated 3 years ago, so not really a case of when. I doubt you'd want to go there though; it's a small private religious school in the frigidness of Wisconsin.
-
Both private and religious? Jesus...
-
Where did you go to college ???
I want in :P
Or is it more a case of 'when' instead of 'where'?
It was probably a case of when (since if I go back now I'm just a 'creepy old guy' who gets little play), but I went to the Rochester Institute of Technology. It was also a case of where at RIT, since it wasn't until I joined my fraternity and I hung out where the ladies congregated that things improved.
Apparently it was even better after I left, since when I went there the male to female ratio was 3:1 and it eventually switched over to 1:2 after I left (although it may have evened out since then).
You could probably get into RIT though, they seemed to accept everyone. But it's a little too expensive to go to if you're just looking for a little nookie...
-
Both private and religious? Jesus...
Not half as bad as it sounds. I went to PUC, which is a private religious university in Brazil, and there were more morally loose women there than you could shake a stick at, yet I seemed to get little nookie.
-
And the university was religious.
-
I don't know if someone mentioned the good ol' rodeo ride?
-
Shove your dick to you girl, tell that's the way your secretary likes it too and see how long you can stay in when she starts rumbling? That's the rodeo you mean?
-
I heard you said "You're the ugliest pig I ever fucked", but other than that you're correct.
-
Really? I heard it was "I have AIDS" or something of that nature.
-
Maybe: your sister was way better too, but yeah that's the rodeo.
-
Why am I suddenly thinking of rodeo clowns? :P
-
"Now that you've gotten to know him better I should formally introduce you to my penis. His name is Roy, and his goals include one day ruling the world, and devouring the brains of the living. Oh, and impregnating you with his unholy, brain eating spawn. He likes you!"
-
"Now that you've gotten to know him better I should formally introduce you to my penis. His name is Roy, and his goals include one day ruling the world, and devouring the brains of the living. Oh, and impregnating you with his unholy, brain eating spawn. He likes you!"
...
No fucking comment.
-
...
No fucking comment.
You gotta admit the look on your partners face would be quite something :smirk
In that "Oh crap, mom was right" kinda way...
-
So during today's threesome, I waited until we were well under way, pulled out my iPod, and put on "Never Gonna Give You Up."
-
So during today's threesome, I waited until we were well under way, pulled out my iPod, and put on "Never Gonna Give You Up."
lmao, epic.
-
as in, abusive levels over 21 epic, not ''this is an epic tale''
-
"So...wanna explain why you spontaneously threw me to the ground and hummed the National Anthem into my asshole while holding my head to the ground?"
-
Cleanup on isle 12!
-
No condoms? Don't worry, I'll just break the stem off this wine glass and use it! :whistle
-
"Consent? Who needs it?"
-
"Consent is for wussies. Just like pants..."
-
"Well...I guess from now on we have proof positive that pureed ginger root does not make good butt lube..."
-
"Well...I guess from now on we have proof positive that pureed ginger root does not make good butt lube..."
I know people who are into that. Except they don't puree is, they just peel it and stick it in the nearest orifice. It's called figging.
-
It's called ruining perfectly good food :P
-
It's called ruining perfectly good food :P
+1
...Unless they eat it afterwards.
Eww.
-
That is not ruining the food anymore, huh?
-
That is not ruining the food anymore, huh?
It's called spicing up the meal.
God, half of the things on this thread make me queasy. Reading it is like having an abortion crawl up your leg and try to penetrate you anally. And yet I just can't bring myself to stop.
-
Can you make the abortion stop?
-
Can you make the abortion stop?
The Lemmiwinks will get it. Eventually...
-
God, half of the things on this thread make me queasy. Reading it is like having an abortion crawl up your leg and try to penetrate you anally.
That sounds like a good D&D monster. Want to write up some stats for it?
-
God, half of the things on this thread make me queasy. Reading it is like having an abortion crawl up your leg and try to penetrate you anally.
That sounds like a good D&D monster. Want to write up some stats for it?
What'd you call it?
Bush's brainchild?
-
God, half of the things on this thread make me queasy. Reading it is like having an abortion crawl up your leg and try to penetrate you anally.
That sounds like a good D&D monster. Want to write up some stats for it?
What'd you call it?
Bush's brainchild?
Dick Cheney?
-
God, half of the things on this thread make me queasy. Reading it is like having an abortion crawl up your leg and try to penetrate you anally.
That sounds like a good D&D monster. Want to write up some stats for it?
What'd you call it?
Bush's brainchild?
Dick Cheney?
That's the other way around actually.
-
God, half of the things on this thread make me queasy. Reading it is like having an abortion crawl up your leg and try to penetrate you anally.
That sounds like a good D&D monster. Want to write up some stats for it?
Way ahead of you. Atropal.
-
God, half of the things on this thread make me queasy. Reading it is like having an abortion crawl up your leg and try to penetrate you anally.
That sounds like a good D&D monster. Want to write up some stats for it?
Way ahead of you. Atropal.
Something tells me that with his fly speed he doesn't need to crawl up your leg.
-
God, half of the things on this thread make me queasy. Reading it is like having an abortion crawl up your leg and try to penetrate you anally.
That sounds like a good D&D monster. Want to write up some stats for it?
Way ahead of you. Atropal.
Something tells me that with his fly speed he doesn't need to crawl up your leg.
Good point. He just greases up and flies right through the rectum.
-
"I cast Magic Missile at the darkness."
-
Hope that destroyed the quotamid, the distant cousin of pyramids.
-
so, have you seen Josh's clean shaven testicle?
-
I cast Twinned Implosion.
-
Tonight while laying naked in pre-coital shenanigans:
KSB's Wife: You remember what today is?
KSB: Uh..... *thinks real hard*....
..... my ex-fiancee's birthday?
KSB's Wife: No, dork. Three years ago we got engaged!
KSB: :embarrassed :banghead
I still closed the deal.... :D
-
"So, hunny, my secretary agreed to teach you to give head the way I really like it."
-
"Hey, honey if you get up for a post-coital snack, avoid the cellar."
"Why?"
"Along with the cold beer I keep the Zombeh Skwerls in the cellar. If you listen closely their squeaking sounds like braaaaaiiinsss..."
-
"Coital"
-
Tonight while laying naked in pre-coital shenanigans:
KSB's Wife: You remember what today is?
KSB: Uh..... *thinks real hard*....
..... my ex-fiancee's birthday?
KSB's Wife: No, dork. Three years ago we got engaged!
KSB: :embarrassed :banghead
I still closed the deal.... :D
Jeez. You're lucky she didn't rip your junk off.
-
:(
I keep forgetting to post on here.
AC is forever spouting out shit that is just too terrible for only my ears to hear. :p
-
"Honey, would you be pissed off if I said I kept thinking of my grandma when we do it?"
-
"That's okay, dear, I kept thinking about your grandma as well"
:P
-
"I think my left ball just imploded..."
-
TESTICULAR TORSION!
-
Sorry, I need to look at 4chan to get in the mood.
*Has actually never been to that site.
-
At the moment of orgasm:
"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"
-
At the moment of orgasm:
"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"
or "KHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"
-
CCCCTTTTUUUULLLLLHHUUUUU!
-
Woman: "Well, I guess size doesn't matter..."
Either way, whether big or small, it's kinda harsh.
-
At the moment of orgasm:
"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"
or "KHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"
MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
DAAAAAAAAAAADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK CHEEEEEENEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS MOOOOOOOOOOOOONEEEEEEEY!!!
Seriously, fun for the whole family.
-
"Why did you scream Laura?"
"I..uh..I have this thing for...uh...famous older women..."
"...."
"I'll be in the den killing myself."
-
At the moment of orgasm:
"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"
"CLEANUP ON AISLE FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-
Once you get into the rhythm, start singing along with THIS! (http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com)
-
Although I'd never do such a thing to mah girl...
I mentioned once in joking that it would be the neckbeardiest thing to have sex and within seconds after orgasm say, very urgently, "OK now may I go eat the Doritos?"
-
At the moment of orgasm:
"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"
"CLEANUP ON AISLE FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Aisle five? I think there are three traditional ones, but no idea what fourth and fifth are. Possibilities are endless though.
-
That was horrible.
-
AC: You're a succubus!
Me: ... So?
-
Me: You're a succubus!
My ex: Yay!
-
AC: You're a succubus!
Me: ... So?
I don't really see what would be a cause for complaint there either.
-
AC: You're a succubus!
Me: ... So?
I don't really see what would be a cause for complaint there either.
I suck the life force out of him. :evillaugh
-
AC: You're a succubus!
Me: ... So?
I don't really see what would be a cause for complaint there either.
I suck the life force out of him. :evillaugh
Hehe.
Sorry, had to do it.
-
AC: You're a succubus!
Me: ... So?
I don't really see what would be a cause for complaint there either.
I suck the life force out of him. :evillaugh
I will repeat my prior statement.
Hell, most guys have to beg to get that.
-
AC: You're a succubus!
Me: ... So?
I don't really see what would be a cause for complaint there either.
I suck the life force out of him. :evillaugh
I will repeat my prior statement.
Hell, most guys have to beg to get that.
No guy that's actually had the life sucked out of him would say that.
-
The ramifications of that phrase are completely different when dealing with a succubus.
-
o ya, try being married for 15 years..
[spoiler]only kidding honey :P[/spoiler]
-
Why is the bride smiling?
Because she knows she's given her last blowjob.
-
Returning to succubi....
A scene from earlier tonight.
Me: (because of this thread) You're a succubus.
Her: If I wasn't, would I be as good at what I do?
-
You guys need to go into porn production. :rollseyes
-
So, where can I get a subscription to that? :P
-
You guys need to go into porn production. :rollseyes
They already have, they just don't know it yet.
-
You guys need to go into porn production. :rollseyes
They already have, they just don't know it yet.
Good answer.
-
You guys need to go into porn production. :rollseyes
Dude, we're role-players. Chances are we all have written smut at some point in our lives...
-
You guys need to go into porn production. :rollseyes
Dude, we're role-players. Chances are we all have written smut at some point in our lives...
Touche.
-
I am a rollplayer.
-
I am a rollplayer.
Even better. "Oh, you're a dirty, dirty trick, aren't you? I like that. Yeah, I like venerable dragonwrought kobolds..."
-
I am a rollplayer.
Even better. "Oh, you're a dirty, dirty trick, aren't you? I like that. Yeah, I like venerable dragonwrought kobolds..."
Bwahaha, nice :P
-
I can honestly say that I've never written any smut of any kind. I've attempted to, but it comes out wrong. I honestly don't know how that works.
-
I cast Magic Missile at the darkness. I then enter the dark cavern and look around.
-
(repeatedly) "YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!"
-
I can honestly say that I've never written any smut of any kind. I've attempted to, but it comes out wrong. I honestly don't know how that works.
I wrote some long ago. It was bad, I mean really bad. I could probably do a better job now, but I don't really want to do that again.
-
I can honestly say that I've never written any smut of any kind. I've attempted to, but it comes out wrong. I honestly don't know how that works.
I wrote some long ago. It was bad, I mean really bad. I could probably do a better job now, but I don't really want to do that again.
Never wrote any smut, read some though, and it was horrible :P
-
I can honestly say that I've never written any smut of any kind. I've attempted to, but it comes out wrong. I honestly don't know how that works.
I wrote some long ago. It was bad, I mean really bad. I could probably do a better job now, but I don't really want to do that again.
Never wrote any smut, read some though, and it was horrible :P
Well I know you never read mine, luckily no copies of those works remain. Well, at least to my knowledge....
-
I can honestly say that I've never written any smut of any kind. I've attempted to, but it comes out wrong. I honestly don't know how that works.
I wrote some long ago. It was bad, I mean really bad. I could probably do a better job now, but I don't really want to do that again.
Never wrote any smut, read some though, and it was horrible :P
Well I know you never read mine, luckily no copies of those works remain. Well, at least to my knowledge....
:evil:
"So, I'm going to write some porn about this..."
-
I can honestly say that I've never written any smut of any kind. I've attempted to, but it comes out wrong. I honestly don't know how that works.
I wrote some long ago. It was bad, I mean really bad. I could probably do a better job now, but I don't really want to do that again.
Never wrote any smut, read some though, and it was horrible :P
Well I know you never read mine, luckily no copies of those works remain. Well, at least to my knowledge....
:evil:
"So, I'm going to write some porn about this..."
What, writing smut about how Nanshork is writing smut? :P
-
"His pen lightly stroked the paper, which seemed to quiver in anticipation of the smoothly flowing ink trailing over its soft surface..."
...Sorry, I'll stop now.
-
Okay, that was scary... o.0
Nice one, Boz :P
-
I can honestly say that I've never written any smut of any kind. I've attempted to, but it comes out wrong. I honestly don't know how that works.
I wrote some long ago. It was bad, I mean really bad. I could probably do a better job now, but I don't really want to do that again.
Never wrote any smut, read some though, and it was horrible :P
Well I know you never read mine, luckily no copies of those works remain. Well, at least to my knowledge....
:evil:
"So, I'm going to write some porn about this..."
What, writing smut about how Nanshork is writing smut? :P
That is a pretty bad thing to say, isn't it?
Maybe you should write about how I'm writing. :lmao
-
Actually, I write on the computer. So write something about how my fingers gently caress the keys and whatnot. :P
-
I love you guys :)
No, not like that :P
-
I love you guys :)
No, not like that :P
Tease. :P
-
I love you guys :)
No, not like that :P
Tease. :P
*shakes his ass*
-
I love you guys :)
No, not like that :P
Tease. :P
*shakes his ass*
*imagines you're a woman so he won't feel dirty inside*
-
Yeah, just check the RL picture thread...
If you want, I can get a picture of my ass up there as well...
:P
-
Rocks fall, everyone dies.
-
Yeah, just check the RL picture thread...
If you want, I can get a picture of my ass up there as well...
:P
I keep forgetting that I have new pictures to put over there. None of my ass though. :P
-
Rocks fall, everyone dies.
What, you afraid of my ass? :P
-
Rocks fall, everyone dies.
You're just jealous because nobody is shaking their ass for you. :P
-
It's grizzly! :lmao
-
It's grizzly! :lmao
I'll show you grizzly. Rawr. :smirk
-
Hehe, nice one SF :P
Instead of hot Skitty on Wailord action, we've got how Grizzly on Fox action :P
-
Hehe, nice one SF :P
Instead of hot Skitty on Wailord action, we've got how Grizzly on Fox action :P
Only with a she bear. >.<
No really, you fuckers get a room. :lmao
-
Aww, but it's so much more fun when it's in public! :D
-
Or including a Kitsune :P
-
Or including a Kitsune :P
Everybody can get some tail. ;)
-
Or including a Kitsune :P
...I cast PAO on Bowen.
I get six times the tail you fuckers do.
-
Or including a Kitsune :P
...I cast PAO on Bowen.
I get six times the tail you fuckers do.
I get...fanged skull? Woo! :P
-
Or including a Kitsune :P
...I cast PAO on Bowen.
I get six times the tail you fuckers do.
I get...fanged skull? Woo! :P
Teeth... sensitive areas... :P
-
Or including a Kitsune :P
...I cast PAO on Bowen.
I get six times the tail you fuckers do.
I get...fanged skull? Woo! :P
Teeth... sensitive areas... :P
Tell me about it, I've been there... :blush
-
Bears.
-
Swedish chick
-
I don't use safewords.
-
Back on topic!
"I CHOOSE YOU PIKACHU!"
:P
-
Who says we went off topic?
"Go, Magmar!"
Note: This thing is on fire. Literally.
-
"Ah ha! The time loop is complete!"
-
"You remember my pet moose Mr.Dinkles? He's wondering what your thoughts on sodomy are."
-
Hey, I hope you don't mind that I invited my friends Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot, Gypsy, Joel, Mike, Dr. Forester, and TV's Frank. They wanted to help us with some... Commentary...
-
Swedish chick
Interesting, for all I know, which is a lot, they tend to be pretty blowjob-savvy.
-
Technically she's half-swedish, and lives over here most of the time...
-
Swedish chick
Interesting, for all I know, which is a lot, they tend to be pretty blowjob-savvy.
I heard that Swedish women don't put out, and are utterly baffled as to why American men think they do.
Emphasis on heard, because I've never met any Swedish women.
-
BTW, my helper monkey has some special training.............
-
Swedish chick
Interesting, for all I know, which is a lot, they tend to be pretty blowjob-savvy.
I heard that Swedish women don't put out, and are utterly baffled as to why American men think they do.
Emphasis on heard, because I've never met any Swedish women.
Maybe my experiences betray me, but they are exactly contrary to this.
-
Swedish chick
Interesting, for all I know, which is a lot, they tend to be pretty blowjob-savvy.
I heard that Swedish women don't put out, and are utterly baffled as to why American men think they do.
Emphasis on heard, because I've never met any Swedish women.
Maybe my experiences betray me, but they are exactly contrary to this.
Still, I'll defer to your experience, due to the fact that if you've met even one Swedish women, then you'vemet more than I have.
-
Have you ever seen Teeth?
-
It would be really sexy if you would Baa for me....
-
It would be really sexy if you would Baa for me....
Is that a Might & Magic reference? I'd be turned on if my partner said that to me.
-
It would be really sexy if you would Baa for me....
Is that a Might & Magic reference? I'd be turned on if my partner said that to me.
It's a reference to sheep. Sheep go baa. :P
-
Not really during sex, but....
Let your signifigant other find you in bed, naked, with manuals for computer hardware spread out like porn, masturbating furiously while moaning tech specs.
"oooo.... i7 920 overclocked to 4.2 gigahertz.....OOOOHHH.....12 gigs of RAM...... OMIGOD YES"
Or some such.
havent done it yet, shes threatening death
-
It would be really sexy if you would Baa for me....
Is that a Might & Magic reference? I'd be turned on if my partner said that to me.
It's a reference to sheep. Sheep go baa. :P
Yes, but it's a given that sheep are a turn-on.
-
It would be really sexy if you would Baa for me....
Is that a Might & Magic reference? I'd be turned on if my partner said that to me.
It's a reference to sheep. Sheep go baa. :P
Yes, but it's a given that sheep are a turn-on.
Only if you're Scottish...
-
It would be really sexy if you would Baa for me....
Is that a Might & Magic reference? I'd be turned on if my partner said that to me.
It's a reference to sheep. Sheep go baa. :P
That would raise the chance of the person being a redhead (which is a Good Thing) with about 10%.
Yes, but it's a given that sheep are a turn-on.
Only if you're Scottish...
Which raises the chances that the person is a redhead by about 10%, which is a Good Thing.
-
(insert barnyard animal sound here)
-
While we're at a restaurant:
Me: Where am I?
AC: Canada.
Me: REALLY? That means there are moosen here!
AC: There are moosen in mah pants.
Me: orly?
AC: Yeah, if you check my boxers, you'll find moose tracks.
Me: :puke
I've forgotten the other messed up shit we said to each other today. We really should start recording our conversations. Such terrible-ness... lost... forever...
-
"Oh yeah, oh yeah...Rob..Robert..Jere...Jam...John."
Said without alcohol involved and months and months
of datin'/sexin' under our belts.
Finally got the name right, but, come on, four tries? :bigeye
Cheers,
ranlam
-
While we're at a restaurant:
Me: Where am I?
AC: Canada.
Me: REALLY? That means there are moosen here!
AC: There are moosen in mah pants.
Me: orly?
AC: Yeah, if you check my boxers, you'll find moose tracks.
Me: :puke
I've forgotten the other messed up shit we said to each other today. We really should start recording our conversations. Such terrible-ness... lost... forever...
Isn't it supposed to be "during sex"? Or do you both fancy getting it done in restaurants?
-
"Oh yeah, oh yeah...Rob..Robert..Jere...Jam...John."
Said without alcohol involved and months and months
of datin'/sexin' under our belts.
Finally got the name right, but, come on, four tries? :bigeye
Cheers,
ranlam
Wow, I've had some name mess ups but never that bad and I don't think ever during the act.
-
Or do you both fancy getting it done in restaurants?
Who doesn't?
-
Or do you both fancy getting it done in restaurants?
Who doesn't?
I just can't stand all those people watching, have they no manners at all?
-
Or do you both fancy getting it done in restaurants?
Who doesn't?
I just can't stand all those people watching, have they no manners at all?
Hey, as long as they don't ask to join...
What? I'm possessive.
-
Or do you both fancy getting it done in restaurants?
Who doesn't?
I just can't stand all those people watching, have they no manners at all?
Hey, as long as they don't ask to join...
What? I'm possessive.
It would be a great way to tip your waiter, though.
-
I think I've thought of the worst thing to say ever.
"I just shit through my herpes and leprosy infected anus onto the bed. Also, I'm gay."
-
No where near the worst. Leprosy infected anus? That's comedy gold. I don't think, even if it was actually happening, that someone could resist laughing at that.
-
No where near the worst. Leprosy infected anus? That's comedy gold. I don't think, even if it was actually happening, that someone could resist laughing at that.
Comedy gold? Can you see yourself raking in the money as a stand up comedian exploiting leprosy infected anuses...anus...anusen...ani...butts?
-
No where near the worst. Leprosy infected anus? That's comedy gold. I don't think, even if it was actually happening, that someone could resist laughing at that.
Comedy gold? Can you see yourself raking in the money as a stand up comedian exploiting leprosy infected anuses...anus...anusen...ani...butts?
You can't tell me you wouldn't laugh at that phrase.
-
How about: "I should remind you I can only come when you sing some Elvis classics. For the best effect you should sing as low as possible."
And if she agrees, close your eyes at the climax and whisper in her ear: "You're still the King, I love you."
-
While fingering, use sign language to say "Help me fuck you". If she understands it, start writing more. If she responds in sign language in a similar hole, well...
-
No where near the worst. Leprosy infected anus? That's comedy gold. I don't think, even if it was actually happening, that someone could resist laughing at that.
Comedy gold? Can you see yourself raking in the money as a stand up comedian exploiting leprosy infected anuses...anus...anusen...ani...butts?
You can't tell me you wouldn't laugh at that phrase.
It's no laughing matter. You catch it in your mouth, and then it travels through the digestive tract and settles in the anus. You will literally wipe and wipe until your anus is a raw, bloody stump, and not even realize. Then next thing you know, you're weightlifting and you crap out your own intestines.
-
While fingering, use sign language to say "Help me fuck you". If she understands it, start writing more. If she responds in sign language in a similar hole, well...
Nice.
-
While fingering, use sign language to say "Help me fuck you". If she understands it, start writing more. If she responds in sign language in a similar hole, well...
Nice.
We have a winner here.
Think Morse or Braille might work too?
-
While fingering, use sign language to say "Help me fuck you". If she understands it, start writing more. If she responds in sign language in a similar hole, well...
Nice.
We have a winner here.
Think Morse or Braille might work too?
Braille would be hard, but you can totally use Morse code. Slapping her ass, even.
-
Rewarding as that would be, it could hardly be the winner, as it's not "the worst thing to say during sex".
-
Ah, but you can say all the other things in an entirely new way and they'd take a while to figure it out and smack you.
-
Ah, but you can say all the other things in an entirely new way and they'd take a while to figure it out and smack you.
But why would I want to hide what I'm saying? I'm totally in it for the smacking and the weird faces they...eh...she makes when I say it.
-
Touche, although tapping out Morse code on her clitoris has its own level of awesomeness attached.
-
Ah, but you can say all the other things in an entirely new way and they'd take a while to figure it out and smack you.
But why would I want to hide what I'm saying? I'm totally in it for the smacking and the weird faces they...eh...she makes when I say it.
You want the delay, it makes it all the better when they figure it out. Especially if they lapse into deep concentration to decipher Morse while engaged in what most can call Distracting Activities.
-
The funny thing: I thought of that while torturing my brother with Morse code via hallway light.
Do you know how hard it is for a kid (who's half-blind) to figure out that I'm using the hallway light for Morse Code? And that I'm insulting him with every flicker?
Now image being on my side of that joke...
-
No where near the worst. Leprosy infected anus? That's comedy gold. I don't think, even if it was actually happening, that someone could resist laughing at that.
Comedy gold? Can you see yourself raking in the money as a stand up comedian exploiting leprosy infected anuses...anus...anusen...ani...butts?
You can't tell me you wouldn't laugh at that phrase.
The people in my officer were looking at me funny after I read it...
-
No where near the worst. Leprosy infected anus? That's comedy gold. I don't think, even if it was actually happening, that someone could resist laughing at that.
Comedy gold? Can you see yourself raking in the money as a stand up comedian exploiting leprosy infected anuses...anus...anusen...ani...butts?
You can't tell me you wouldn't laugh at that phrase.
The people in my officer were looking at me funny after I read it...
People? Poor officer...Explain why you were reading this during an orgy including your apparently popular officer.
-
No where near the worst. Leprosy infected anus? That's comedy gold. I don't think, even if it was actually happening, that someone could resist laughing at that.
Comedy gold? Can you see yourself raking in the money as a stand up comedian exploiting leprosy infected anuses...anus...anusen...ani...butts?
You can't tell me you wouldn't laugh at that phrase.
The people in my officer were looking at me funny after I read it...
People? Poor officer...Explain why you were reading this during an orgy including your apparently popular officer.
Hey, comedians live off worst things. Like the Ten Commandments and Dakota Fanning.
-
No where near the worst. Leprosy infected anus? That's comedy gold. I don't think, even if it was actually happening, that someone could resist laughing at that.
Comedy gold? Can you see yourself raking in the money as a stand up comedian exploiting leprosy infected anuses...anus...anusen...ani...butts?
You can't tell me you wouldn't laugh at that phrase.
The people in my officer were looking at me funny after I read it...
People? Poor officer...Explain why you were reading this during an orgy including your apparently popular officer.
Hey, comedians live off worst things. Like the Ten Commandments and Dakota Fanning.
The one I remember "living" off the Ten Commandments doesn't so anymore.
-
AC: I'm gonna poop on you.
BimR: That's gross.
AC: I'm gonna poop in your mouth?
BimR: I'm not into coprophagia.
AC: That's not what those videos online show.
BimR: :twitch Those were done a few years ago.
-
AC: I'm gonna poop on you.
BimR: That's gross.
AC: I'm gonna poop in your mouth?
BimR: I'm not into coprophagia.
AC: That's not what those videos online show.
BimR: :twitch Those were done a few years ago.
Thats not the worst the to say during sex.
Thats just cute.
-
We bet on how long it would take someone to respond to that post.
I just won anal sex.
-
Score one for the home team!
That makes the smile to the left just that more vicious, imo.
-
I hate you all.
-
Eww, anal. After the screaming and bleeding that my last attempt at anal produced, the idea makes me cringe now.
Of course, AC has a 97% chance of having a smaller penis than I do simply by my place on the bell curve, and BimR doesn't have as small a frame as the subject of my last attempt had (My ex was enormously fat, but she had a slight 5' 0" frame), plus she's in fairly good physical condition, she may make it out unscathed.
AC: Use more lube than you think you need, and go very slow. If you have any sex toys that are smaller around than your junk, use that as a warm-up to get her ready. If you're on my end of the bell curve, you might need several of gradually increasing girth. (I've seen oversized novelty dildoes that were only slightly smaller around than I am, the biggest I've seen in any store was only slightly bigger around. And 3 feet long, but mine is nowhere near three feet long.) And if that toy ever goes in vaginally, make sure you clean it with soap and water, then use denatured alcohol to kill all the bacteria when playtime is over.
BimR: I highly recommend an enema unless AC likes it dirty. Make sure you aren't using one with any sort of stimulants, because they'll make you poop more. Be aware of what liquid you're putting in your ass.
-
Eww, anal. After the screaming and bleeding that my last attempt at anal produced, the idea makes me cringe now.
Of course, AC has a 97% chance of having a smaller penis than I do simply by my place on the bell curve, and BimR doesn't have as small a frame as the subject of my last attempt had (My ex was enormously fat, but she had a slight 5' 0" frame), plus she's in fairly good physical condition, she may make it out unscathed.
AC: Use more lube than you think you need, and go very slow. If you have any sex toys that are smaller around than your junk, use that as a warm-up to get her ready. If you're on my end of the bell curve, you might need several of gradually increasing girth. (I've seen oversized novelty dildoes that were only slightly smaller around than I am, the biggest I've seen in any store was only slightly bigger around. And 3 feet long, but mine is nowhere near three feet long.) And if that toy ever goes in vaginally, make sure you clean it with soap and water, then use denatured alcohol to kill all the bacteria when playtime is over.
BimR: I highly recommend an enema unless AC likes it dirty. Make sure you aren't using one with any sort of stimulants, because they'll make you poop more. Be aware of what liquid you're putting in your ass.
Now you see, this WHOLE POST would work for the thread topic, especially before sex. :D
-
That was awesome. :lmao
-
Eww, anal. After the screaming and bleeding that my last attempt at anal produced, the idea makes me cringe now.
Of course, AC has a 97% chance of having a smaller penis than I do simply by my place on the bell curve, and BimR doesn't have as small a frame as the subject of my last attempt had (My ex was enormously fat, but she had a slight 5' 0" frame), plus she's in fairly good physical condition, she may make it out unscathed.
AC: Use more lube than you think you need, and go very slow. If you have any sex toys that are smaller around than your junk, use that as a warm-up to get her ready. If you're on my end of the bell curve, you might need several of gradually increasing girth. (I've seen oversized novelty dildoes that were only slightly smaller around than I am, the biggest I've seen in any store was only slightly bigger around. And 3 feet long, but mine is nowhere near three feet long.) And if that toy ever goes in vaginally, make sure you clean it with soap and water, then use denatured alcohol to kill all the bacteria when playtime is over.
BimR: I highly recommend an enema unless AC likes it dirty. Make sure you aren't using one with any sort of stimulants, because they'll make you poop more. Be aware of what liquid you're putting in your ass.
Now you see, this WHOLE POST would work for the thread topic, especially before sex. :D
Like I mentioned before, I studied sexual techniques and positions for years. I'm actually fairly eager to put them into practice again, however I have yet to find a market for what I'm selling.
-
If you can't do, teach?
And if you can't teach, teach gym?
-
That was damn epic :P
-
If you can't do, teach?
And if you can't teach, teach gym?
I don't want to teach, I want to DO.
-
Teaching through the hands-on approach? :P
-
I could handle that.
-
In bed, ready to go, but looking at a diagram and mumbling "Put tab A into slot B? What the hell is slot B?"
-
Ah, the old IKEA-erotica :P
-
Like I mentioned before, I studied sexual techniques and positions for years. I'm actually fairly eager to put them into practice again, however I have yet to find a market for what I'm selling.
You probably just need a better PR and/or marketing division.
-
Like I mentioned before, I studied sexual techniques and positions for years. I'm actually fairly eager to put them into practice again, however I have yet to find a market for what I'm selling.
You probably just need a better PR and/or marketing division.
I agree. About 3-4 weeks ago, I fired a lot of poor performers in both those divisions and am working towards restaffing those positions. However, they have an uphill battle, the last guys really messed things up and I'm finding it challenging to regain market confidence.
-
Ah, the old IKEA-erotica :P
Goddamn Swedes...
-
Ah, the old IKEA-erotica :P
Goddamn Swedes...
Bloody ABBA...
-
Like I mentioned before, I studied sexual techniques and positions for years. I'm actually fairly eager to put them into practice again, however I have yet to find a market for what I'm selling.
You probably just need a better PR and/or marketing division.
I agree. About 3-4 weeks ago, I fired a lot of poor performers in both those divisions and am working towards restaffing those positions. However, they have an uphill battle, the last guys really messed things up and I'm finding it challenging to regain market confidence.
Just do what every company does in such a situation. Find a new market.
-
Just do what every company does in such a situation. Find a new market.
:lmao
Arioch International
The art of sexin' goes global.
-
Arioch International
The art of anal sexin' goes global.
Fixed
-
Really looking forward to anal, aren't you AC?
:P
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He should, it can be pretty damn pleasant, it's just a matter of skill. And just a general tip, do not be afraid of your size, 16 inches is enough for any girl.
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He should, it can be pretty damn pleasant, it's just a matter of skill. And just a general tip, do not be afraid of your size, 16 inches is enough for any girl.
Sometimes the problem ain't length, it's girth.
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I think it's only fair, that whatever a guy gets to do to me, I get to do to him. :smirk
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Ow boy... :o :hide :sofa
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I think it's only fair, that whatever a guy gets to do to me, I get to do to him. :smirk
Good luck finding a man with a vagina.
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I think it's only fair, that whatever a guy gets to do to me, I get to do to him. :smirk
I have been told that, but then she decided she would not blow me in a bus.
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I think it's only fair, that whatever a guy gets to do to me, I get to do to him. :smirk
I have been told that, but then she decided she would not blow me in a bus.
Well, she's no fun. :P
Good luck finding a man with a vagina.
I swear, I know at least 3 that have them. They're the whiniest little... :nonono
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I take it they have sand in them as well? ;)
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I think it's only fair, that whatever a guy gets to do to me, I get to do to him. :smirk
I have been told that, but then she decided she would not blow me in a bus.
Well, she's no fun. :P
Apparently she was not drunk enough. Scarily enough, I was sober when I did that. Then again, if I could dare her to do everything I have outside sex as well....
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I take it they have sand centipedes in them as well? ;)
Fixed.
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I think it's only fair, that whatever a guy gets to do to me, I get to do to him. :smirk
Certainly. It's only fair.
Be sure to reverse the advice I gave before, AC should follow BimR's advice, and BimR should follow AC's advice of the recipient and the donors are reversed.
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Like I mentioned before, I studied sexual techniques and positions for years. I'm actually fairly eager to put them into practice again, however I have yet to find a market for what I'm selling.
You probably just need a better PR and/or marketing division.
I agree. About 3-4 weeks ago, I fired a lot of poor performers in both those divisions and am working towards restaffing those positions. However, they have an uphill battle, the last guys really messed things up and I'm finding it challenging to regain market confidence.
Just do what every company does in such a situation. Find a new market.
If I can get through to my associates, I intend to.
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BimR requested I post this conversation.
BimR: *whines*
AC: Stop whining.
BimR: *whines*
AC: Stop whining or I'll pee on you. (Used to be a standard threat)
BimR: *smiles and continues whining*
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No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
You said that you would pee IN my mouth! :mad
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Whoah, this thread is getting disturbingly hot. Yes, I'm a freak.
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O_o is it weird that i've had that conversation too?
I have one for the topic, not so much a 'worst thing to say' so much as what happened,
left Ipod on shuffle (on a nice sexy song) and on comes the pokemon sound track
never ever leave your ipod on shuffle while doing the naughty
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Epic win right there :P
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Evidently, this is a common practice:
http://xkcd.com/400/
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Power Rangers is awesome background music for sex. :P
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You sound like someone who has experience with that ;)
Next up, "Never Gonna Give You Up" :P
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Never gonna stop, rather.
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Heh, I wish I had the fysical fitness for that (and a girl to try it with ofcourse :P)
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Heh, I wish I had the fysical fitness for that (and a girl to try it with ofcourse :P)
The best part of not being on top is that whoever's riding you thinks she's got the upper hand while she's only working her ass off (perhaps literally) to get you to climax.
That's why buffer Wizards only ever have sex in reverse cowgirl position.
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Somehow I think I like the idea of a girl on top, maybe I'll find out if I'm right someday :)
Although I gotta say sex isn't really on my list of priorities.
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Girl on top is a little scary. You can snap a dick that way. True story.
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Wait what?
Are you trying to stop me from ever even thinking about having sex?
:P
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No, just telling you to be careful.
And basically don't get all YEAH TAKE IT BITCH while she's on top.
Think about it. Your prized posession (which is small compared to watermelons) versus an at LEAST 100 pound body. Who do you think will win that one?
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Yeah, respect and not doing anything obviously retarded and all that is a given, but snapping it? :bigeye
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Girl on top is a little scary. You can snap a dick that way. True story.
You can snap a dick in pretty much nearly every position. You just gotta know how to put the right amount of bounce into it.
Heck, more people get broken dicks from doggie style than anything else (since it's a bit harder to aim).
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Pfft, my best friend's girlfriend at the time got a little over-zealous and tried to basically jump and impale herself on his dick (that's how he made it sound). Let's just say that didn't go well.
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Ouch... *cringe*
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Why would the chick be in bed with a dick in the first place? Perhaps she should pick nicer men.
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Girl on top is a little scary. You can snap a dick that way. True story.
Yeah, a friend of mine had a "penile fracture" from this. No, just telling you to be careful.
And basically don't get all YEAH TAKE IT BITCH while she's on top.
Think about it. Your prized posession (which is small compared to watermelons) versus an at LEAST 100 pound body. Who do you think will win that one?
For normal men, it might be a problem. I'd be ok, though. :D
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Yeah, girl-on-top can be dangerous if she gets overexuberant. I sprained my crank that way, once. Unpleasant, to say the least.
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Hmm, never had it that way with a woman on top that weighed less than 24 stone.
I wasn't really crazy about having a girl on top, but it might be enjoyable when I'm in pain and she can move around a bit.
Although one time, she had music on and an unfortunate song came around. Except it was Marilyn Manson, and I was getting a hard-off listening to his worthless crap. And wouldn't let me change the music.
I stopped having sex with her immediately.
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I always liked the girl being on top. I never was afraid of hurting my dick, though, since my ex wasn't exactly overexuberant.
Anyway, during foreplay, don't hold her bra in front of your eyes (cups outward) and yell "All hail the Insect-King, for he is allmighty! BZZZZZZZZ"
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I LOL'd :lmao
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She did too... eventually.
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While packing her stuff?
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While packing her stuff?
Hehe. No, she even became the InsectQueen, another time around. Voluntarily, I may add.
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Awesome :D
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Pfft, my best friend's girlfriend at the time got a little over-zealous and tried to basically jump and impale herself on his dick (that's how he made it sound). Let's just say that didn't go well.
Made me grab my crotch in sympathy.
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"My Dear, have you ever heard the song 'Doin' you is like doin' time?"
"There's a reason I'm asking..."
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My GF shouted out "The Game!" once. She thought it was hilarious. I learned losing makes me go limp. I was not a happy camper :(
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The one thing noone ever wants to hear: 'SHIT it broke!'.
Followed closely by 'duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh'. I shouldn't have to explain this one.
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To which the correct reply would be "The penis?"