Relationship Advice (Was: Some Tips for Single Gamers)

[Ubernoob]

Read Least I Could Do.  Awesome webcomic.  Rayne is my hero.  Sohmer gave me the idea for my next costume.

Ontopic:
Brilliant- WAY check.
Filthy rich- A matter of time.
Good looking- You should see me in my suit.
Total asshole- Depends on who you ask.

3/4 at age 18.  Not bad.

[PhoenixInferno]

Read Least I Could Do.  Awesome webcomic.  Rayne is my hero.  Sohmer gave me the idea for my next costume.

Ontopic:
Brilliant- WAY check.
Filthy rich- A matter of time.
Good looking- You should see me in my suit.
Total asshole- Depends on who you ask.

3/4 at age 18.  Not bad.

Every guy looks good in a suit.  Don't be an idiot.

[Ubernoob]

Of course, PI.  Not every guy enjoys wearing a suit though.

[Straw_Man]

I am one of those people who tries very much not to look back. Some really stupid shit behind me in my social life, studies, leisure, what have you, but thinking that doesn't really make it any better. Diagnosed ADD and a family that's very prone to depression doesn't help either, but I have my own ways of coping.

Bloody hells thats almost me there lad. ADD traits and diagnosed depressive. My condolences, but on the plus side your brain is likely a Ferrari on nitro ..... when it actually feels like it 

[Straw_Man]

  A lot of thoughts here. For my own review, there's 2 schools of thought on the guys side: Sex as the goal, and sex as part of a relationship.

  Sex as a goal is tempting. Gets you muy confidence in yourself after your first few successes and in turn leads to more success. It's fun ... okay .... fun to the power of 4 and biochemically addictive. And it's easy. Just keep asking and if your in the game and are not obviously a apoptic gene bearer your going to get laid. High standards make it iff-ier but thats again a function of your ability.

  Sex as a part, maybe not the biggest part in fact, of a relationship makes no sense from an Evolutionary Developmental perspective. And yet its the guys that seem to need the comfort of a relationship more than women. Interesting fact: men hurt as much as women after a bad breakup, they just have a routine of indifference including getting drunk and doing casual sex till their over the hurt.

  The benefits are less tangible but as anyone who's been in a healthy relationship would tell you, it's there. Much harder to pull it off as well; when your rejected by a love one you can't walk across the bar to find a new one. Speaking of someone who did wait for love before sex and was in that relationship for several years - it devastating when it ends.

  The girls side (as I can make out represented by Bobismyrhino and yellowsumner): Not really sure. Date and be yourself seems to be it. Works as part of the latter paradigm but fails badly at the sex as the goal approach. Personal data tells me that the girls I'm interested in certainly don't want a angry intellectual, and yet, I have little interest in others. Not sure how'd they resolve those conflicting expectations.

  Bobismyrhino, if I may ask, have you dated a friend before? If so, was this a friend you were  attracted to initially or did the chemistry quicken over time? If the question is too intrusive I apologise.

[skydragonknight]

As far as depression goes, smarter people tend to be depressed because they realize how jacked up the world is and how very little they can do about it.

And from my life experience it seems that the kind of girls I like usually don't like the kind of guy I am. Eh. Life is depressing.

[AndyJames]

Read Least I Could Do.  Awesome webcomic.  Rayne is my hero.  Sohmer gave me the idea for my next costume.

Ontopic:
Brilliant- WAY check.
Filthy rich- A matter of time.
Good looking- You should see me in my suit.
Total asshole- Depends on who you ask.

3/4 at age 18.  Not bad.

LoL! This reminds me of this:

Genie: I give you one wish.
Woman: I wish for a tall, dark and handsome man to sweep me off my feet and treat me like a princess for the rest of my life!
Genie: Hmm... We seem to be all out of tall, dark and handsome. Would you settle for tall and dark?
Woman: Sure... I guess...
Genie: One King Kong coming right up!

[DetectiveJabsco]

I does not matter what you like like, Just become an unending Spring of Confidence, throw in a dash of mega ego, and top it off with slacks and an assortment of buttondowns and you've become the target of female affection. Weather this is the affection your looking for is up to you.

Also, as far as RL pics go, the girls there are my current future ex's.
And I look like shit.

[BowenSilverclaw]

That would be more comforting if I considered myself hot.  What about an average body?

And I'm thinking relationship, not just getting laid.  <-- Or should I remember that I'm talking about the male species?

Getting laid... all it takes from the girl is saying yes. Not every guy will respond to that yes, but at least one will. The guy has to work a little harder, but there are still enough easy females to allow for this. And if nothing else, prostitutes are cheaper than dating if that's all you want.

For that reason, dating only has a purpose if you're looking for a meaningful relationship, otherwise it's Fighter 5 multiclassed with Rogue and Sorcerer at uneven levels of suboptimal in regards to achieving your goals. Even then, it would be even better to just skip it (which also circumvents the chance that the female is just trying to manipulate you for financial gain via the means of free meals, entertainment, and so forth). That usually isn't practical, however. *shrugs*

With that said, looks are a fairly low priority for me. If she's a cow forget it, but I'd take average looks and high other things (intelligence for example) over being highly physically attractive, but jack shit else. See dating vs whoring, above as the latter is only good for sex. Put a slightly less blunt way, I do not judge attractiveness entirely upon physical appearance, and some things take priority over looks. Often by a large margin. I've also found intelligence and humor tend to travel together as most of the intelligent people I have met have biting, sarcastic humor (the best kind). Just take a look around here if you don't already know what I mean. I've also found that while the quality of the looks vary, they tend to have a higher chance of being natural (as opposed to a make up facade, see comments about hiding yourself except on a lesser magnitude). So if they are physically attractive, it's more likely it's not just a mask.

As for my looks... I consider myself about average. I've been called 'hot' on occasion. I don't recall being called ugly. I dunno, I don't really worry about it. If the woman is too focused on looks, it's a big red flag for me as it tends to mean she doesn't care about anything else except perhaps money (very likely) and power aka she is trying to use you as a tool and should be slapped down hard.

And to TheWordSlinger: Rebound relationships almost always backfire. Hard. I say almost only because it might be possible for one to work, but I've never seen it and don't want to be One White Crowed.

Agreed, SF

[yellerSumner]

Wow I take forever to reply.  I know there's been at least half a dozen posts since I started working on this.

Just make sure you aren't ignoring her when she wants attention. 
And as women are vile creatures, we won't always be straight forward about when we want something.

So some girls find nerdiness attractive. 

I know I'm asking the wrong crowd, but do non-gamer guys find nerdy girls attractive?

Or is even asking if a gamer-girl is allowed to date outside the gaming community blasphemy because we're such a rare commodity?

Heretic!!! Burn the infidel!!!     (just kidding!)

Hey, if you all looked like Vin Diesel, we wouldn't have any problems.

Nerdy girls are usually [...] into weirder stuff.

I AM OFFENDED!
*hides folder of bondage, tentacles, and futanari*

Oh, and when she wants my attention while I'm playing X, she usually comes up and humps my shoulder.

And you stop, right?
One of my friends was feeling down and her bf wasn't getting the hint that she needed attention when she was rubbing on him.  And then it made her feel worse.  

Most people don't believe they're hot! (Except for those few cocky individuals who make it their career to be "hot" according to society's standards and have nothing else going for them).

Some people think they're good looking, which is great. More power to them. But a lot of people have self esteem issues since they don't fit the "norm" for beauty. Who cares? Chances are, someone's going to see you, and they're going to think you're the most handsome guy/most beautiful girl ever. Regardless of what you think you are, someone else is going to see you differently. Love is blind, afterall...

Wha? Darn! I was going to ask when I turned into a guy and then you went and edited it to cover both genders.

I call BS on the 'love is blind' part of this, but with everything else I agree. There are billions of people around the world and I dare to say a vast majority does not believe in the crap fashion magazines and TV tells them to be handsome and beautiful. Heck, my picture is up in the Real life picture thread and anyone can tell I looks weak and probably not too much like those models you compare yourseld either, but that doesn't mean you can't look good. Walk up to the mirror, look at yourself and say "Heck, I looking fucking good" a few times, sit back, take a deep breath and do it again. I tell you people, it's no magic, you truly are beautiful.

Easier said than done.

My church recently did pictures for the directory and for some reason we went and bought a picture package. (Damn pictures are so f'ing expensive.)  They did that whole "which do you like better?" thing where you have to pick which picture you like and I'm thinking "Hell, delete 'em all!"
Long story short, by the time we left, I wanted to ram my face against a belt sander.

(I'm just reinforcing my negative self-image of myself, aren't I?  :-\ )


I'm not sure if this has been answered yet, but
What is the correct way to take a compliment?
Especially if it's something you've never considered one of your good features?

[Ubernoob]

I actually had to be taught how to accept compliments.  When I was little I would simply say, "I know," and stare at people like they were stating the sky is blue.  I have learned that you do this:
1) Smile at the person.
2) Give a half nod.
3) Say, "Thank you."
Optional) Follow the thanks with mutterings of how no one else notices.
Optional, B) Compliment them back on a similar trait.

[BobismyRhino]

  Bobismyrhino, if I may ask, have you dated a friend before? If so, was this a friend you were  attracted to initially or did the chemistry quicken over time? If the question is too intrusive I apologise.

Actually, all of the guys I've scarred for life/dated came from my friend pool. Even my current boyfriend.

Did I initially feel attracted to ANY of them? Nope. They were just friends, plain and simple. Dating can really complicate friendships. I happen to hang out with a lot of guys (since all of my female friends decided that I needed to be estranged from their social circles), so I know just how fucked up guys' relationships with each other can get when a girl comes in and starts dating one guy and then the next and the next... I think that's kinda gross. But it happens.
The last thing I've ever wanted to be is one of those girls.
 
The few guys who I actually dated, grew on me. We'd meet each other at an event with a bunch of people or through a friend, and then we'd get to know each other better, talk a lot, eventually spending more and more time together (alone)... Sometimes it'd work out and sometimes it didn't.  It was a pretty gradual process when I was new at things and was getting a feel for how relationships worked.

So for me, love is a gradual process. I don't trust easily, so maybe that's why it takes so long.   

Wha? Darn! I was going to ask when I turned into a guy and then you went and edited it to cover both genders.

I was warned ahead of time. 

I'm not sure if this has been answered yet, but
What is the correct way to take a compliment?
Especially if it's something you've never considered one of your good features?

I have no idea. Do what I do: blush, shyly say "thank you," and then quickly change the topic to something you like... Like porcupines!

[Ubernoob]

Wow, so they *all* jumped ladders?  That is rare.

[Rev]

Wow, so they *all* jumped ladders?  That is rare.

To chime in, not as rare as you'd think. I can think of two mates who are exactly like that.

Dating a mate has some great points (you know each other so you skip that annoying "getting to know you" step) & some bad points (you know each other so you skip that annoying "getting to know you" step.)

Cognitive dissonance is a real head fuck in those situations. 

[Tshern]

Plus, I think being "the man" as guys like to put it (where you sleep around with tons of girls) is just friggin crazy. There are so many STDs out there-many of which are either incurable or even deadly... Why take that chance? Unattached sex ain't worth the slew of problems that can come from it (babies, STDs, AIDs). This is all merely my opinion.

So use condoms?

[BobismyRhino]

So use condoms?

Those aren't fail-safe.

Plus, why would a girl need a guy with a condom on if she could just save herself the trouble by buying a dildo? It'll feel the same, if not better, as a condom clad dick. 

[Ubernoob]

I hear sex is usually better than masterbation.

[BobismyRhino]

I hear sex is usually better than masterbation.

For guys, usually yes... For girls... It depends. It depends on a lot of things.

[BowenSilverclaw]

I thought it worked both ways, you know, be a giver as well as being a taker

Then again, that could just be my silly opinion 

[Ubernoob]

I hear sex is usually better than masterbation.

For guys, usually yes... For girls... It depends. It depends on a lot of things.

Find better lovers?