Author Topic: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus  (Read 89506 times)

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bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #660 on: November 14, 2010, 06:25:23 PM »
FLay and Konner?

Flay Crimsonwind

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #661 on: November 14, 2010, 09:53:53 PM »
I suppose I'm sticking around the Unicorn to hear his story, and I assume he's still near the werewolf, so we could... um... grill her for information after. Oddly enough, he'll just hang around nearby Bartholomeow and Alcy.

With his intimidation score though, he could be useful for torture... if anyone wants the psychotic, blood coated, white haired samurai to assist, just ask him.

konner09

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #662 on: November 14, 2010, 11:23:37 PM »
Ima go see what gail did wrong
[spoiler] Every generation has a teen heartthrob made for 16 and Tiger Beet magazine.

You can go back many years and there was a guy named Donny Osmond who probably every male teenager wanted to kick the crap out of. Leif Garrett, David Cassidy, The Mmm Bop kids, Justin timberlake, on and on.

This Bieber kid is just another of many over-hyped kids created? by the music machine geniuses to give them someone to grace the covers of 16 magazine and to get little teen girls excited. Random Youtuber [/spoiler]

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. - edgar allen poe

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #663 on: November 15, 2010, 01:07:09 AM »
Those with Unicorn

[spoiler]"Sometimes this forest is nick-named 'The Cursed Forest', and for good reason.   It was used as a dumping ground for magical experimentation of all kinds.  The great sky city you  came from is as you know the only sensible means most people have of crossing the Barrier Mountains between each realm of this world.  But sufficiently well studied Wizards can simple teleport.  So they'd approach the border, pop in, set up shop with piles of gold, and no one would mind because they were getting paid.  Artifacts from hundreds of realities were brought here to study under our noses, corrupting the land, and the flora and fauna that lived here. 

I'm sure you've noticed some of the locals are colorful.  If any of you have connections to nature you can probably also tell I'm right.  The influence is subtle enough to miss, but obvious once it is known. 

At any rate one day the Dean of the Wizards school in your city flies down, and tells us he has a deal for us.  All the other Wizards have moved on and left this place a blasted land, but he'll help rebuild if we allow him to study one last artifact: a Resurrection Stone.  We've come to call it the Black Rock or the Cursed Stone depending on who you talk to.  Unfortunately he was like all the others, and viewed the local populace as chattel.  The Forest and it's denizens already had a bad reputation, so he knew no one would give a damn if he wiped a few of us out.  It took him forever to learn some basic but flawed rites to access the Stones power.

The results were not impressive.  The stone did resurrect many in a sense, but as various forms of flesh eating undead.  Zombies.  It's effects were unpredictable though.  Some lasted long, some dissolved into goo, some retained their skills and intellect and even memories.  Some of them spent their time repeating what was said to them or doing song and dance numbers.

The Dean's nephew finally cracked part of the puzzle, and had my herd killed and brought in as experiments.  We awoke resurrected but...different.  Our fundamental goodness was gone and replaced with darkness.  Some of us didn't mind honestly.  After several centuries of being goody-goodies it was nice to cut loose.  Unfortunately to remain resurrected we have to daily exact some sort of toll on the living.  Unlike my fellows I'm tired of being compulsorily good or evil, and I'd like a cure, but the little brat refuses insisting he's moved on to other experiments.

I was considering suicide when I met Gail.  Now I knew Gail was Evil.  Usually her tribe tied her up during the full moon because they knew she turned.  Honestly she can change anytime but she doesn't tell them that because she's a closet masochist.  I find that out when I 'met' her one day.  She decided she liked the experience so I kept visiting her while she was tied up, even though I knew she could get free.  I was a little surprised by the chains today, but I just thought she'd added a new kink.  The pack of werewolves she runs with are local trash who think they run the forest, and are it's rightful owners which is absolute bullshit.  They even think my people have somehow usurped them because we've gained more notoriety.  Thog and Ernie are more representative of the local government than I am, I'm just clergy.  All I really want is to get changed back to normal, and maybe step on Gail's head till she dies because she intended to kill me.  I should've looked for a possible wife elsewhere.[/spoiler]

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #664 on: November 15, 2010, 01:15:40 AM »
those with Gail

[spoiler]"KEEP THAT FUCKING PIG AWAY FROM ME!"

"Aw now that not fair.  Thog not fat.  Why call Thog piggie."

"YOU KNOW WHY!"

"Is this cause Thog punished you for breaking law?"  :(

"YOU SHOVED A PINE CONE UP MY ASS!"

"But Judge ordered me to do that after you ate people.  Not Thogs fault you cannibal.  Besides knowing him you lucky was only pine cone."  :(

Gail looks at the rest of you and growls: "I demand you set me free so I can deal with these rapists!  They have committed the worst possible crime!"

"Thog seems to remember beating you for three days because you ate little boy.  You no innocent girly.  Judge has Thog punish you more than anyone.  Thog begin to think you two enjoy it."  :looloo

"I NEVER ATE A BOY!"

"Fibber.  Judge have records."[/spoiler]


Jojo are you asking Randolph anything?
« Last Edit: November 15, 2010, 02:01:43 AM by bhu »

jojolagger

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #665 on: November 15, 2010, 01:25:27 AM »
<I'm getting all the information right now. You can get to tell your side of the story or not. Your choice.>:Randolph
Countdown to Zombie Apocalypse 97
When you see this, copy it into your sig and -1
:lovefirefox
Quotes [spoiler]
In other words, he thinks there's a "correct" way to play D&D.  *sigh*
There is: Kill shit and loot the corpse!
When you use a tool the way it was designed for -- its intended function -- then it will work very well for you.

But it's not the tool's fault if you use it for something else and you fail utterly, such as trying to eat cereal with a butterknife, pounding nails with a screwdriver, blogging to voice your political opinions, and brushing your teeth with a hammer.
[/spoiler]

Flay Crimsonwind

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #666 on: November 15, 2010, 01:29:36 AM »
"So, we have yet another reason to slice the wizard in half and dangle his organs on the tip of my sword?"

He looked nonchalant about saying the sentence. Suddenly, it occurred to him he was thinking of the number of zombies left to kill, and he snapped out of his calmed rage. "Sorry guys, got a bit ahead of myself..."

konner09

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #667 on: November 15, 2010, 01:54:51 AM »
everyone with werewolf
[spoiler]"Well this has took aturn for the mind fuck. Now Mrs. Gail mind giving us your side of the story, oh and Thog can you please stay beside me"[/spoiler]
[spoiler] Every generation has a teen heartthrob made for 16 and Tiger Beet magazine.

You can go back many years and there was a guy named Donny Osmond who probably every male teenager wanted to kick the crap out of. Leif Garrett, David Cassidy, The Mmm Bop kids, Justin timberlake, on and on.

This Bieber kid is just another of many over-hyped kids created? by the music machine geniuses to give them someone to grace the covers of 16 magazine and to get little teen girls excited. Random Youtuber [/spoiler]

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. - edgar allen poe

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #668 on: November 15, 2010, 02:05:24 AM »
Those with Gail

[spoiler] "The Unicorns came to this land and took over, raping and destroying at their whim.  They rape our women unceasingly, and the villagers staked me out to sacrifice to them, but the werewolves got me first.  We decided to take the 'corns out, and I was going to be the bait.  How was I supposed to know Randolph was a coward?  Or that he'd backstab me and use real chains?"[/spoiler]


Jojo

[spoiler]"We used real chains because she's a psycho bitch and we thought getting rid of the two of them at the same time was a good idea."[/spoiler]

konner09

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #669 on: November 15, 2010, 03:17:16 AM »
gail groupies
[spoiler]"Well we have your story now our freind is mind ripiing unicorn boy"[/spoiler]
[spoiler] Every generation has a teen heartthrob made for 16 and Tiger Beet magazine.

You can go back many years and there was a guy named Donny Osmond who probably every male teenager wanted to kick the crap out of. Leif Garrett, David Cassidy, The Mmm Bop kids, Justin timberlake, on and on.

This Bieber kid is just another of many over-hyped kids created? by the music machine geniuses to give them someone to grace the covers of 16 magazine and to get little teen girls excited. Random Youtuber [/spoiler]

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. - edgar allen poe

Monotremeancer

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #670 on: November 15, 2010, 08:36:20 AM »
Over at Gail
[spoiler]Speaking aloud, but to no-one in particular This is without a doubt the strangest thing that has ever happened to me... I then turn to the Werewolf I am quite sure you know what he*nods towards the unicorn* is going to say and I am quite sure you will disagree with some of it. What will this be and how will you answer to it. If we take care of that now we can avoid some squabbling later. my hand ones again tries to scratch my currently absent bill and I once again try to cover it up by moving it to my chin. *mumbling*Squabbling never gets you anywhere...[/spoiler]
Who cares for realism when you can be awesome?

RobbyPants

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #671 on: November 15, 2010, 11:41:42 AM »
To group with unicorn:
[spoiler]"Wow.  That explains a lot.  Is there any way to destroy the stone?  Any way to perhaps lift the curse from this area, or is it tainted too far beyond salvation?

This kind of stuff is really beyond my expertise as a jester, but I can lend a hand where needed."
[/spoiler]
My balancing 3.5 compendium
Elemental mage test game

Quotes
[spoiler]
Quote from: Cafiend
It is a shame stupidity isn't painful.
Quote from: StormKnight
Totally true.  Historians believe that most past civilizations would have endured for centuries longer if they had successfully determined Batman's alignment.
Quote from: Grand Theft Otto
Why are so many posts on the board the equivalent of " Dear Dr. Crotch, I keep punching myself in the crotch, and my groin hurts... what should I do? How can I make my groin stop hurting?"
Quote from: CryoSilver
I suggest carving "Don't be a dick" into him with a knife.  A dull, rusty knife.  A dull, rusty, bent, flaming knife.
Quote from: Seerow
Fluffy: It's over Steve! I've got the high ground!
Steve: You underestimate my power!
Fluffy: Don't try it, Steve!
Steve: *charges*
Fluffy: *three critical strikes*
Steve: ****
Quote from: claypigeons
I don't even stat out commoners. Commoner = corpse that just isn't a zombie. Yet.
Quote from: CryoSilver
When I think "Old Testament Boots of Peace" I think of a paladin curb-stomping an orc and screaming "Your death brings peace to this land!"
Quote from: Orville_Oaksong
Buy a small country. Or Pelor. Both are good investments.
[/spoiler]

Sir Shadow

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #672 on: November 15, 2010, 04:26:31 PM »
Bartholomeow is genuinely intrigued by the power of the stone, but does his best not to cackle with maleficent glee. "It's... possible that I could reverse the effects if I had sufficient time and resources to study the stone... Usually these types of things have a sort of "reset" button or the power to negate their effects. You know... If I could reverse the unicorns' demonification, I could potentially restore life to all the 'test subjects' as well..."

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #673 on: November 16, 2010, 01:25:33 AM »
To group with unicorn:
[spoiler]"Wow.  That explains a lot.  Is there any way to destroy the stone?  Any way to perhaps lift the curse from this area, or is it tainted too far beyond salvation?

This kind of stuff is really beyond my expertise as a jester, but I can lend a hand where needed."
[/spoiler]

[spoiler]"That I know of no, the stone is permanent.  Those of us able to see magical influence realize it's probably not an item made by mortals because it's brighter than the sun.

And this area has always been a little bad even before the experiments.  It's bad enough now some of the older locals have studied magic just to be able to ambush any Wizards that come this way."
[/spoiler]

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #674 on: November 16, 2010, 01:27:30 AM »
Bartholomeow is genuinely intrigued by the power of the stone, but does his best not to cackle with maleficent glee. "It's... possible that I could reverse the effects if I had sufficient time and resources to study the stone... Usually these types of things have a sort of "reset" button or the power to negate their effects. You know... If I could reverse the unicorns' demonification, I could potentially restore life to all the 'test subjects' as well..."

[spoiler]"People come to a bad end interacting with that thing.  If the wizard's brat weren't already insane, he would be by now after being with it so long."[/spoiler]

RobbyPants

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #675 on: November 16, 2010, 09:23:32 AM »
To group with unicorn:
[spoiler]"So... any ideas guys?  I'm a man of simple tastes, and since smashing it won't work, I'm open to new ideas."[/spoiler]
My balancing 3.5 compendium
Elemental mage test game

Quotes
[spoiler]
Quote from: Cafiend
It is a shame stupidity isn't painful.
Quote from: StormKnight
Totally true.  Historians believe that most past civilizations would have endured for centuries longer if they had successfully determined Batman's alignment.
Quote from: Grand Theft Otto
Why are so many posts on the board the equivalent of " Dear Dr. Crotch, I keep punching myself in the crotch, and my groin hurts... what should I do? How can I make my groin stop hurting?"
Quote from: CryoSilver
I suggest carving "Don't be a dick" into him with a knife.  A dull, rusty knife.  A dull, rusty, bent, flaming knife.
Quote from: Seerow
Fluffy: It's over Steve! I've got the high ground!
Steve: You underestimate my power!
Fluffy: Don't try it, Steve!
Steve: *charges*
Fluffy: *three critical strikes*
Steve: ****
Quote from: claypigeons
I don't even stat out commoners. Commoner = corpse that just isn't a zombie. Yet.
Quote from: CryoSilver
When I think "Old Testament Boots of Peace" I think of a paladin curb-stomping an orc and screaming "Your death brings peace to this land!"
Quote from: Orville_Oaksong
Buy a small country. Or Pelor. Both are good investments.
[/spoiler]

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #676 on: November 19, 2010, 03:05:58 AM »
To group with unicorn:
[spoiler]"So... any ideas guys?  I'm a man of simple tastes, and since smashing it won't work, I'm open to new ideas."[/spoiler]

[spoiler]"Well your other problem is that it's guarded by zombies.  And the Wizard upstairs is teleporting down more people by the day.  You'll need some help."

The squirrel pipes up: "Um...I'm not sure if this is applicable or not, but I may know of an army.  The 5th Badger Irregulars camp nearby."[/spoiler]

RobbyPants

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #677 on: November 19, 2010, 09:35:55 AM »
"An army of... badgers?  I guess it's not the weirdest thing I've seen all day.

Where are they?"
My balancing 3.5 compendium
Elemental mage test game

Quotes
[spoiler]
Quote from: Cafiend
It is a shame stupidity isn't painful.
Quote from: StormKnight
Totally true.  Historians believe that most past civilizations would have endured for centuries longer if they had successfully determined Batman's alignment.
Quote from: Grand Theft Otto
Why are so many posts on the board the equivalent of " Dear Dr. Crotch, I keep punching myself in the crotch, and my groin hurts... what should I do? How can I make my groin stop hurting?"
Quote from: CryoSilver
I suggest carving "Don't be a dick" into him with a knife.  A dull, rusty knife.  A dull, rusty, bent, flaming knife.
Quote from: Seerow
Fluffy: It's over Steve! I've got the high ground!
Steve: You underestimate my power!
Fluffy: Don't try it, Steve!
Steve: *charges*
Fluffy: *three critical strikes*
Steve: ****
Quote from: claypigeons
I don't even stat out commoners. Commoner = corpse that just isn't a zombie. Yet.
Quote from: CryoSilver
When I think "Old Testament Boots of Peace" I think of a paladin curb-stomping an orc and screaming "Your death brings peace to this land!"
Quote from: Orville_Oaksong
Buy a small country. Or Pelor. Both are good investments.
[/spoiler]

Sir Shadow

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #678 on: November 19, 2010, 09:58:41 AM »
"Badgers!? Good, good, they serve as excellent warriors, very hardy. We should send an envoy to contact them immediately so that we can stomp out this den of wizardry..." Bartholomeow crosses his arms and nods his approval.

VennDygrem

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Re: Campaign Thread III: Zombie Weenus
« Reply #679 on: November 19, 2010, 12:46:12 PM »
Alcy blinks, then pipes up.

"Actually... I once knew of a band of celestial dire badgers that were fierce fighters. I'm sure these are not entirely like the Battle Badger Brigade, but if they could be of use, we may want to seek their aid."