Author Topic: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...  (Read 70673 times)

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BowenSilverclaw

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #180 on: June 17, 2009, 06:06:06 AM »
The Tome of Battle Classes: MOORRRTAL KOWBAT!!! ROUND 1! FIGHT!
:lol


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bayar

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #181 on: June 17, 2009, 09:09:56 AM »
The Tome of Battle Classes: MOORRRTAL KOWBAT!!! FARM 1! MILK!

Fixed that for you.

dither

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #182 on: June 17, 2009, 12:16:39 PM »
Kobold Trapsmith: I have two stuffed cows disguising a spike-filled pit trap.
"Stuck between a rogue and a bard place."

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KellKheraptis

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #183 on: July 05, 2009, 01:28:14 AM »
Jade Phoenix Mage : Piss me off and I tell my two cows to go Super Saiyan and unleash a twin Kow-Me-Ha-Me-HAAAAAAAAA!
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Kuroimaken

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #184 on: July 05, 2009, 01:51:20 AM »
Jade Phoenix Mage : Piss me off and I tell my two cows to go Super Saiyan and unleash a twin Kow-Me-Ha-Me-HAAAAAAAAA!

Pshaw.

Jade Phoenix Mage: My two cows are great at what they do, and if they get close to dying, they can blow up and be born again!
Gendou Ikari is basically Gregory House in Kaminashades. This is FACT.

For proof, look here:

http://www.layoutjelly.com/image_27/gendo_ikari/

[SPOILER]
Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?
Final Fantasy 7
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Katana of Enlightenment.
Get yours.[/SPOILER]

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The_Mad_Linguist

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #185 on: July 05, 2009, 02:36:55 AM »
Renegade Mastermaker: I forged war into my cows, for more warforged than warforged warforged forgeries.
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Endarire

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #186 on: February 10, 2010, 04:35:12 AM »
For another generation!
Hood - My first answer to all your build questions; past, present, and future.

Speaking of which:
Don't even need TO for this.  Any decent Hood build, especially one with Celerity, one-rounds [Azathoth, the most powerful greater deity from d20 Cthulu].
Does it bug anyone else that we've reached the point where characters who can obliterate a greater deity in one round are considered "decent?"

NiteCyper

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #187 on: February 10, 2010, 06:15:06 AM »
[-0800 10/02/2010 Wed 00:01:54]
Cow vs. Commoner 1: Cow wins! Flawless Victory. (repeat; see reference #10.)

Chicken-infested Commoner: where are all these cows coming from?! (See reference #9.)

Vow of Poverty: ditch the cows, entice newbs/gain mysterious bonuses...profit! (see reference #6.)

Epic Sleight-of-Hand: You have two (epic Rogue) cows...SONIC BOOM! (See reference #2.)

Tinker gnome: Why would anyone want plain-Jane old cows, when he could have the Milkmaster 3000?!
[spoiler]
XD Although, that's Half-Gnome.[/spoiler]

Super/Ubermount: You have a cow. It's extremely powerful and the size of a microbe. (reference #8)
[spoiler]Note to self: 15 and 16 haven't been compared. Where was that Symbiotic microbe thing?[/spoiler]

HIVE Mind: I have two cows. I summon more. "Behold, my long silence is now broken, and I am made whole once more." "Know that I am the Overmind; the eternal will of the Swarm." "Thenceforth shall all feel the wrath of the eternal Swarm... For the hour of judgement has come!"
(reference #13, 20, and 21)

Lycanthropy: You have two cows. One's eaten, the other's lacerated, but alive. It looks like the following:
[spoiler]"In animal form, a lycanthrope resembles a powerful version of the normal animal, but on close inspection, its eyes (which often glow red in the dark) show a faint spark of unnatural intelligence." (references 18, 19, & 20) Although, ""Lycanthrope" is a template that can be added to any humanoid or giant".[/spoiler]

Variants that replace familiars: I have two cows. I trade one for the ability to TELEPORT AS AN IMMEDIATE ACTION.

Kensai: I have two cows. Sacrificing one, the other cow gets Vorpal udders.

Handle Animal: I have two cows. Screw them, I got Roc's eggs!

Mindspy/Cabinet Trickster: I have two female domestic cattle. They are inseparable. They think you have a dirty mind.

Trickery Devotion: I have two cows, but one's fake for the sake of the other cow. Also, I can obtain perfectly fine milk from the illusory cow at a high enough level, of a limitless amount as long as it's right from the udder.

Spelunker (epic Escape Artist): I have two cows. They are Trojan cows.

Faerie Mysteries Initiate: I have two cows. They do things to each other to revitalize their health based on some stat other than CON. They think you have a dirty mind too, but you'd be right.
 
Mindrape + Love's Pain: I have two cows. The casting of two spells causes the death of the other from any distance with no save.

Wizards: I have two cows. They produce AWESOME milk, but only a couple of servings' worth a day, then I'm just a burden on society. Also, their milk can only be drank immediately after milking, and the most urgent customers force a concentration check from me to milk them.

The Stage Crew: I'll just leave this cow here... (citation 4)

Stampeding abuse? (Reference #7.)

TWF Rogue: You have one cow. You have an infinite amount of special pellets to improve its milk, but can only be applied once to a single serving of milk. You get another cow to increase special pellet milk production...and the pellets only work when the cows are denied their DEX-bonus to AC or if you flank with another farm-hand.

[-0800 14:12 February 10, 2010]
Arcane Trickster vs. Persistent Hunter's Eye: You have two cows. They produce special milk (sneaky milk). One's milk is only good when able to cow-tip, best with an otherwise useless feat. The other needs time to mature before milking, but has better milk when ready.
Comparing pairs: 1. You have two cows. Both work rather pathetically together, 2. You have two other cows. Both work synergetically together. One's production (Hunter's Eye) is proportional to the other's (caster level).

Blighter: I have two cows, but no pasture; they eat whole forests a day.

Bonded Summoner + obtain Familiar: You have two cows. Your possession of the second is questionable. However, if viable, your questionable possession of more than one makes you quite the prodigious farmer. (reference 22)

Reference(s):
1. Wikipedian "You have two cows" article - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_have_two_cows
2. epic usages of Sleight Of Hand. - http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/skills.htm#sleightOfHand
3. The WayBack Machine/Internet Archive - archive.org
4. RadicalTaoist - Challenge: Optimization Circus! - The Stage Crew - http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19872622/Challenge:_Optimization_Circus!&post_num=13#338464874
5. DND "two cows" VoPeace - http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg155956#msg155956
6. DND "two cows" VoPoverty - http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg155870#msg155870
7. DND "two cows" herd stampede trample - http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg153117#msg153117
8. DND "two cows" Ubermount - http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg152007#msg152007
9. DND "two cows" Chicken-infested flaw - http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg150341#msg150341
10. DND "two cows" Steve (commoner) vs. Fluffy (cat) - http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg152008#msg152008
11. Races of Ansalon - Wild and Half-Gnomes - http://yfrog.com/j7roa102wgrtspx
12. Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ... - « Reply #17 on: May 22, 2009, 10:14:00 PM » - Lycanthromancer - http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg149940#msg149940
13. HIVE Mind trick at ECL 3! - http://web.archive.org/web/20070717231120/http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=722608
14. The Tsuyo RegionalDex: A Ported Selection of the CO Works of Tsuyoshikentsu - The Ubermount - http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=150.msg1253#msg1253
15. Caelic - "Supermount!" - http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19866958/Supermount!
16. JaronK - UBERMOUNT - http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19861650/The_3.5_CO_Board_Thread_of_World_Records&post_num=75#338114570
17. Accursed Farms - accursedfarms.com
18. Quasilycanthrope template - http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/mb/20040721a
19. SRD > Monsters > Lycanthrope - http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/lycanthrope.htm
20. English Wikipedia - Hive mind (disambiguation) - Eusociality, Group mind (science fiction) - Overmind - Zerg Overmind - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hive_mind
21. Quotes for
The Overmind (Character)
from StarCraft (1998) (VG)
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0054991/quotes
22. archived Surrealdex > Bonded Summoner > PonTelon - CO Diary: Bonded Summoner -
http://web.archive.org/web/*/boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=482636
« Last Edit: February 12, 2010, 07:53:36 PM by NiteCyper »
Caveat: I edit my posts, ever and anon after.

Kuroimaken

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #188 on: February 10, 2010, 11:25:53 AM »
Transcend mortality: I have two cows and -- FIGHT WITH YOUR DYING WILL! *rips clothes off* REBORN! (cookie for reference).
Gendou Ikari is basically Gregory House in Kaminashades. This is FACT.

For proof, look here:

http://www.layoutjelly.com/image_27/gendo_ikari/

[SPOILER]
Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?
Final Fantasy 7
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Katana of Enlightenment.
Get yours.[/SPOILER]

I HAVE BROKEN THE 69 INTERNETS BARRIER!


RobbyPants

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #189 on: February 10, 2010, 12:40:57 PM »
Lion Totem Whirling Frenzy Barbarian: I have two cows and can hit them both on a charge.
My balancing 3.5 compendium
Elemental mage test game

Quotes
[spoiler]
Quote from: Cafiend
It is a shame stupidity isn't painful.
Quote from: StormKnight
Totally true.  Historians believe that most past civilizations would have endured for centuries longer if they had successfully determined Batman's alignment.
Quote from: Grand Theft Otto
Why are so many posts on the board the equivalent of " Dear Dr. Crotch, I keep punching myself in the crotch, and my groin hurts... what should I do? How can I make my groin stop hurting?"
Quote from: CryoSilver
I suggest carving "Don't be a dick" into him with a knife.  A dull, rusty knife.  A dull, rusty, bent, flaming knife.
Quote from: Seerow
Fluffy: It's over Steve! I've got the high ground!
Steve: You underestimate my power!
Fluffy: Don't try it, Steve!
Steve: *charges*
Fluffy: *three critical strikes*
Steve: ****
Quote from: claypigeons
I don't even stat out commoners. Commoner = corpse that just isn't a zombie. Yet.
Quote from: CryoSilver
When I think "Old Testament Boots of Peace" I think of a paladin curb-stomping an orc and screaming "Your death brings peace to this land!"
Quote from: Orville_Oaksong
Buy a small country. Or Pelor. Both are good investments.
[/spoiler]

Tonymitsu

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #190 on: February 10, 2010, 01:27:02 PM »
Artificer:  I had two cows on Monday.  On Tuesday, I had three.  Today I have one, but if we have more down time tomorrow, I'll have four.

Ruby Knight Vindicator:  I had two cows in the first round.  In the second round I had none, but the entire castle is dead.

Swift Hunter:  Behind me is a trail of dead cows in twenty foot intervals.

RobbyPants

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #191 on: February 10, 2010, 03:06:17 PM »
Dwarven Defender: I have two cows, but I don't care because they never come within ten feet of where I'm standing.

Arcmage: I permanently gave up one of my 3rd level spell slots to get two cows.

Assassin: I have two cows.  After three rounds of careful study, I have one cow.

Planar Shepherd: I have two cows.  So long as they stay within ten feet of me, they can eat and milk ten times faster than your cows.
My balancing 3.5 compendium
Elemental mage test game

Quotes
[spoiler]
Quote from: Cafiend
It is a shame stupidity isn't painful.
Quote from: StormKnight
Totally true.  Historians believe that most past civilizations would have endured for centuries longer if they had successfully determined Batman's alignment.
Quote from: Grand Theft Otto
Why are so many posts on the board the equivalent of " Dear Dr. Crotch, I keep punching myself in the crotch, and my groin hurts... what should I do? How can I make my groin stop hurting?"
Quote from: CryoSilver
I suggest carving "Don't be a dick" into him with a knife.  A dull, rusty knife.  A dull, rusty, bent, flaming knife.
Quote from: Seerow
Fluffy: It's over Steve! I've got the high ground!
Steve: You underestimate my power!
Fluffy: Don't try it, Steve!
Steve: *charges*
Fluffy: *three critical strikes*
Steve: ****
Quote from: claypigeons
I don't even stat out commoners. Commoner = corpse that just isn't a zombie. Yet.
Quote from: CryoSilver
When I think "Old Testament Boots of Peace" I think of a paladin curb-stomping an orc and screaming "Your death brings peace to this land!"
Quote from: Orville_Oaksong
Buy a small country. Or Pelor. Both are good investments.
[/spoiler]

SorO_Lost

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #192 on: February 10, 2010, 05:27:37 PM »
Dread Necromancer: I have six cows.

Recaster: I have two cows, also 5/day quicken milking, 5/day extended produce, infinite grass, one of the wu gen's cows, one of the clerics, ...

Stormcaster: I have two cows with +1 milk per teat and the milk stuns.

Sand Shaper: I sold two cows.
Tiers explained in 8 sentences. With examples!
[spoiler]Tiers break down into who has spellcasting more than anything else due to spells being better than anything else in the game.
6: Skill based. Commoner, Expert, Samurai.
5: Mundane warrior. Barbarian, Fighter, Monk.
4: Partial casters. Adapt, Hexblade, Paladin, Ranger, Spelltheif.
3: Focused casters. Bard, Beguiler, Dread Necromancer, Martial Adapts, Warmage.
2: Full casters. Favored Soul, Psion, Sorcerer, Wu Jen.
1: Elitists. Artificer, Cleric, Druid, Wizard.
0: Gods. StP Erudite, Illthid Savant, Pun-Pun, Rocks fall & you die.
[/spoiler]

PlzBreakMyCampaign

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #193 on: February 10, 2010, 07:25:26 PM »
Walker in the Waste: I had two cows that didn't like me because I could never shephard them to greener pastures (it was always on the other side  :drums). Now I have 2 mobile lumps of the best-preserved salt jerky you've ever tried to unwrap.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2010, 07:36:54 PM by PlzBreakMyCampaign »
[Spoiler]
Quote
An interesting read, nice to see a civil discussion
The point of Spell Resistance is to make it harder to get buffed.
And healed. Don't forget that.
Huge amounts of people are fuckwits. That doesn't mean that fuckwit is a valid lifestyle.
[/Spoiler]

Old Geezer's Law of Hobby Taste: The more objectively inconsequential a hobby is, the more disagreements within the community will be expressed in outrageously insulting, overblown, and ludicrously emotionally laden terms.

More Funny than Humble[Spoiler]
Quote from: PlzBreakMyCampaign
Your a shifter... you have all you ever need.
It blows MoMF out of the water

But if your greedy for more [Wish] for something that only effects you, like another class level or two that doesn't count against your ECL.
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awaken DM golem

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #194 on: February 11, 2010, 08:10:11 PM »
Oh great !!

Divine Mind - I have two cows. I can Mind Link with them. They are happy. They just mooved. I can't Mind Link with them anymore. Someone took them while I was sleeping. There's no more cows for me to Mind Link with anymore (crying).

Hallack

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #195 on: February 12, 2010, 12:14:24 PM »
Beguiler - I see you have two cows friend... thank you for the cows I will take good care of them.
Placeholder - T'tosc

RelentlessImp

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #196 on: February 12, 2010, 07:05:11 PM »
Beholder Mage: I have the Wizard's cows and I stole the Sorcerer's cow. I also have ten of my own cows, which utilize the Wizard's cows faster than you can blink.
Solo on Essentials
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The_Mad_Linguist

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #197 on: February 12, 2010, 07:10:19 PM »
Prestige Paladin - I can use twice as many holy cows.
Linguist, Mad, Unique, none of these things am I
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NiteCyper

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #198 on: February 12, 2010, 07:27:01 PM »
Animal Companion: You have a cow. This is an unoptimal choice.
[th 2010-12-16T19:46:18-0500]
What did I mean by this?[/]

Share Soulmeld abuse: You have 2 cows. Your 2 cows have 2 cows. AAaaggh! The MILK, it BURNS!

Diplomancy: You have no cows, but a lot of sheep.

@post below: tangent: So did this.
« Last Edit: December 16, 2010, 09:45:56 PM by NiteCyper »
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Rebel7284

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Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ...
« Reply #199 on: February 12, 2010, 07:34:30 PM »
Diplomancy: You have no cows, but a lot of sheep.

This made me smile.
Negative level on a chicken would make it a wight the next day.  Chicken the other wight meat. -borg286