[-0800 10/02/2010 Wed 00:01:54]
Cow vs. Commoner 1: Cow wins! Flawless Victory. (repeat; see reference #10.)
Chicken-infested Commoner: where are all these cows coming from?! (See reference #9.)
Vow of Poverty: ditch the cows, entice newbs/gain mysterious bonuses...profit! (see reference #6.)
Epic Sleight-of-Hand: You have two (epic Rogue) cows...
SONIC BOOM! (See reference #2.)
Tinker gnome: Why would anyone want plain-Jane old cows, when he could have the Milkmaster 3000?!
[spoiler]
XD Although, that's Half-Gnome.[/spoiler]
Super/Ubermount: You have a cow. It's extremely powerful and the size of a microbe. (reference #8)
[spoiler]Note to self: 15 and 16 haven't been compared. Where was that Symbiotic microbe thing?[/spoiler]
HIVE Mind: I have two cows. I summon more. "Behold, my long silence is now broken, and I am made whole once more." "Know that I am the Overmind; the eternal will of the Swarm." "Thenceforth shall all feel the wrath of the eternal Swarm... For the hour of judgement has come!"
(reference #13, 20, and 21)
Lycanthropy: You have two cows. One's eaten, the other's lacerated, but alive. It looks like the following:
[spoiler]"In animal form, a lycanthrope resembles a powerful version of the normal animal, but on close inspection, its eyes (which often glow red in the dark) show a faint spark of unnatural intelligence." (references 18, 19, & 20) Although, ""Lycanthrope" is a template that can be added to any humanoid or giant".
[/spoiler]
Variants that replace familiars: I have two cows. I trade one for the ability to TELEPORT AS AN IMMEDIATE ACTION.
Kensai: I have two cows. Sacrificing one, the other cow gets Vorpal udders.
Handle Animal: I have two cows. Screw them, I got Roc's eggs!
Mindspy/Cabinet Trickster: I have two female domestic cattle. They are inseparable. They think you have a dirty mind.
Trickery Devotion: I have two cows, but one's fake for the sake of the other cow. Also, I can obtain perfectly fine milk from the illusory cow at a high enough level, of a limitless amount as long as it's right from the udder.
Spelunker (epic Escape Artist): I have two cows. They are Trojan cows.
Faerie Mysteries Initiate: I have two cows. They do things to each other to revitalize their health based on some stat other than CON. They think you have a dirty mind too, but you'd be right.
Mindrape + Love's Pain: I have two cows. The casting of two spells causes the death of the other from any distance with no save.
Wizards: I have two cows. They produce AWESOME milk, but only a couple of servings' worth a day, then I'm just a burden on society. Also, their milk can only be drank immediately after milking, and the most urgent customers force a concentration check from me to milk them.
The Stage Crew: I'll just leave this cow here... (citation 4)
Stampeding abuse? (Reference #7.)
TWF Rogue: You have one cow. You have an infinite amount of special pellets to improve its milk, but can only be applied once to a single serving of milk. You get another cow to increase special pellet milk production...and the pellets only work when the cows are denied their DEX-bonus to AC or if you flank with another farm-hand.
[-0800 14:12 February 10, 2010]
Arcane Trickster vs. Persistent Hunter's Eye: You have two cows. They produce special milk (sneaky milk). One's milk is only good when able to cow-tip, best with an otherwise useless feat. The other needs time to mature before milking, but has better milk when ready.
Comparing pairs: 1. You have two cows. Both work rather pathetically together, 2. You have two other cows. Both work synergetically together. One's production (Hunter's Eye) is proportional to the other's (caster level).
Blighter: I have two cows, but no pasture; they eat whole forests a day.
Bonded Summoner + obtain Familiar: You have two cows. Your possession of the second is questionable. However, if viable, your questionable possession of more than one makes you quite the prodigious farmer. (reference 22)
Reference(s):
1. Wikipedian "You have two cows" article -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_have_two_cows2. epic usages of Sleight Of Hand. -
http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/skills.htm#sleightOfHand3. The WayBack Machine/Internet Archive - archive.org
4. RadicalTaoist - Challenge: Optimization Circus! - The Stage Crew -
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19872622/Challenge:_Optimization_Circus!&post_num=13#3384648745. DND "two cows" VoPeace -
http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg155956#msg1559566. DND "two cows" VoPoverty -
http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg155870#msg1558707. DND "two cows" herd stampede trample -
http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg153117#msg1531178. DND "two cows" Ubermount -
http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg152007#msg1520079. DND "two cows" Chicken-infested flaw -
http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg150341#msg15034110. DND "two cows" Steve (commoner) vs. Fluffy (cat) -
http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg152008#msg15200811. Races of Ansalon - Wild and Half-Gnomes -
http://yfrog.com/j7roa102wgrtspx12. Re: CO Humor - I have Two Cows and ... - « Reply #17 on: May 22, 2009, 10:14:00 PM » - Lycanthromancer -
http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=4537.msg149940#msg14994013. HIVE Mind trick at ECL 3! -
http://web.archive.org/web/20070717231120/http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=72260814. The Tsuyo RegionalDex: A Ported Selection of the CO Works of Tsuyoshikentsu - The Ubermount -
http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=150.msg1253#msg125315. Caelic - "Supermount!" -
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19866958/Supermount!
16. JaronK - UBERMOUNT -
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19861650/The_3.5_CO_Board_Thread_of_World_Records&post_num=75#33811457017. Accursed Farms - accursedfarms.com
18. Quasilycanthrope template -
http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/mb/20040721a19. SRD > Monsters > Lycanthrope -
http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/lycanthrope.htm20. English Wikipedia - Hive mind (disambiguation) - Eusociality, Group mind (science fiction) - Overmind - Zerg Overmind -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hive_mind21. Quotes for
The Overmind (Character)
from StarCraft (1998) (VG)
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0054991/quotes22. archived Surrealdex > Bonded Summoner > PonTelon - CO Diary: Bonded Summoner -
http://web.archive.org/web/*/boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=482636