Douchebag of the Week!

[Caelic]

Mister Canon.

He pops up in a whole lot of different contexts.  He's the guy who loudly corrects your portrayal of a Ventrue in Vampire, because according to the decisions of the Grand Convocation of the McKetrick Supplicants in the Seventy-Second Year of the Reign of Prince Pompinfuss, no Ventrue would EVER wear mismatched cufflinks. 

He's the guy who shows up at conventions dressed in Jedi robes and prepared to lecture you at length about A-level, B-level, and C-level continuity, and to defend the Star Wars Holiday Special as an important and historical event.

He's also the guy who tells you that your Rashemeni wizard is completely wrong because, gee, Rashemeni wizards are always female, and besides, your accent is all wrong, it should be more Russian!

No matter what incarnation he takes, he seems utterly unable to grasp the fact that most people--even most gamers--just don't care as much about the minutiae of the setting which happens to be his particular obsession. 

[Josh]

That's a couple of really good ones guys.  They will definitely make the list.

[PhoenixInferno]

I don't have a catchy name for this guy but it seems to be a subset of the God DM. He is the GM that won't let you die. He is in the process of plot hammering you into this story he has mapped out to force you to walk and will not let your character have a decent death because he's not finished with his module/adventure.

Example: I was playing in a sci-fi world run by corporations. My character was a samurai on bushido and was fanatically loyal to his corporation. In the very first gaming session he took everything my character believed in and shat on it. Stripped him of all his honor based on the actions of NPC's I had no control over. I decided the only way to redeem my honor was sepuku.  So after ramming a light sabre like weapon into myself and doing the appropriate amount of damage to kill myself I woke up in the hospital. I then used medical devices in the hospital to again do massive damage to myself that by game mechanics I should have been dead. Once again I woke up but now I was in jail. He set up a scenario where I was easily able to overpower a guard and escape. Except instead of escaping I took the guards blaster and shot myself in the head. I once again awoke and before he finished the explanation I walked.

Heh.  Yup, douchebag-a-rino!

[bhu]

Big Daddy Retard:

The guy who, for some odd reason, has absolutely no idea that there are consequences for his actions because he can't possibly do any wrong.  Example:  In a campaign one of my players was a LE monk.  He'd discovered a local noble/lawyer was actually an evil henchman of a local bad guy.  But no one knew it because he devoted himself heavily to charity, especially the poor in his neighborhood.  This person has never done anything to the Monk.  He might even be an ally, because the monk has just sold his soul to a God the lawyer also most likely worships.  So he breaks into the guys house ALONE to confront him, despite the puzzled looks on everyones faces as to just wtf is going on.  When the lawyer isn't home, he drags the guys poor butler (who is in his seventies) into the street and publicly beats him to death before burning the house to the ground in front of an entire street full of witnesses while dancing around it giggling giving them all the finger.  He is shocked and angry when he is confronted by the law, who promptly attempt to arrest him. He's even more pissed at me when he realizes they arent just token mooks, and he wont be able to just walk them.  He's almost purple with rage when his new deity (who btw is devoted to taking over by stealth and secrecy) doesn't spring him from jail, and basically says she might decide to just snuff him when he tells her to go fuck herself after going on a lengthy diatribe about waht an unreasonable bitch she is, along with being ungrateful to him for all he's done for her (he sold his soul about 8 hours previous to this). 

[AndyJames]

Anyone beat the 300-400 pound hairy guy playing a nymph-like, immature, 15 year old lesbian, spoilt-brat, run away from home, aristocrat dom female, who took leadership to have a lesbian sub paladin as a cohort, which he/she then does kinky things to every time the party's back is turned even for a split second so that the party always "interrupts a moment"?

*shudders* Why, why, why??!!

[Meg]

Well... it IS a role-playing game after all.  Where's the fun in playing something similar to you?   

[AndyJames]

There is roleplaying and then there is uncomfortable glances around the table while half the other players thinks about commiting sepukku and the DM starts shuffling his notes and looking everywhere but at a particular player...

I wish we have a "throw up" smilie...

[Guyr Adamantine]

Well... it IS a role-playing game after all.  Where's the fun in playing something similar to you?   

I die a little inside each time a fat hairy guy plays a slutty lesbian elf princess...

[Kai]

I wish we have a "throw up" smilie...

Here you go...


I'm certainly glad that the one guy in our gaming group that insists on playing girl characters isn't flamboyant about it...

[Caelic]

Well... it IS a role-playing game after all.  Where's the fun in playing something similar to you?   

I die a little inside each time a fat hairy guy plays a slutty lesbian elf princess...

Oddly, you never see the converse.  I have never once seen a slutty lesbian play a fat, hairy guy...

[AndyJames]

I wonder if I should make it so that everytime an NPC sees his Cha 20-million lesbian brat, they throw up  :

Him: Hell-oooo! I am-
NPC 1: Blargh!!!
Him: Err... OK. *turns to another guy* Sir, cam-
NPC 2: Hurl!!!!
Him: Ahh... *turns to third guy*
NPC 3: *runs away with hand over mouth*
NPC 4: Shoot me, shoot me, shoot me, shoot me...!

Maybe he'll start getting the picture...

Then again, I'll probably get whines along the lines of Bad DM, DM Abuse, or "but I have 20-million Charisma!" (yes, he is one of those too... ).

[Prak, the Mad]

Munchkins. I know it's one of those seven words, but it fucking applies. I mean those people who minmax to such a fucking high level that they make the game no fun for anyone else because they go first and kill shit in one hit and no one else gets to do a damned thing.

[Ubernoob]

Well... it IS a role-playing game after all.  Where's the fun in playing something similar to you?   

I die a little inside each time a fat hairy guy plays a slutty lesbian elf princess...

Oddly, you never see the converse.  I have never once seen a slutty lesbian play a fat, hairy guy...

I know some lesbians (slutty and otherwise) that would totally do that.  "GROG SMASH!"

[Bozwevial]

Mister Canon.

He pops up in a whole lot of different contexts.  He's the guy who loudly corrects your portrayal of a Ventrue in Vampire, because according to the decisions of the Grand Convocation of the McKetrick Supplicants in the Seventy-Second Year of the Reign of Prince Pompinfuss, no Ventrue would EVER wear mismatched cufflinks. 

He's the guy who shows up at conventions dressed in Jedi robes and prepared to lecture you at length about A-level, B-level, and C-level continuity, and to defend the Star Wars Holiday Special as an important and historical event.

He's also the guy who tells you that your Rashemeni wizard is completely wrong because, gee, Rashemeni wizards are always female, and besides, your accent is all wrong, it should be more Russian!

No matter what incarnation he takes, he seems utterly unable to grasp the fact that most people--even most gamers--just don't care as much about the minutiae of the setting which happens to be his particular obsession. 

I have done this in a SWSE game, but not to that extent, thankfully. It was more along the lines of "Wait, this is before the Empire. That starship hasn't been invented yet!" I know when to draw the line. Most of the time. There was one tiny argument about cortosis...

[Zeke]

Even if that starship hasn't been invented yet, If I like it and want it in MY version of the world, there it will be. It is important to remember that once you take a world into a game, it is the world inside the game that is canon, not wherever the game originally came from .

[Dragon Snack]

Oddly, you never see the converse.  I have never once seen a slutty lesbian play a fat, hairy guy...

Well, I believe that she's technically bi and I can't comment on her promiscuousness, but I do have a girl in my group that plays guys, exclusively...

[Nox_Noctis]

As for nominating Mike, he is a two-bit employee of a game company who happened to be in such a place as to upset lots of people.  He will be forgotten after he is fired for incompetence and will go back to working in the Massively Multi-player Masturbation industry. 

If he isn't blacklisted by then.

[Bozwevial]

Even if that starship hasn't been invented yet, If I like it and want it in MY version of the world, there it will be. It is important to remember that once you take a world into a game, it is the world inside the game that is canon, not wherever the game originally came from .

This is true. However, in the case I mentioned, the GM was trying to create the most accurate representation of the world that he could. Still doesn't change the fact that the GM's word is more important than canon, though.

[Hazren]

1: I'd like to nominate the player who has one character. You know the one? The one that is the same no matter what is rolled, what class is taken or what setting it is in. Same old boring crap, endlessly.

2: The people at the table that reminisce for 20 minutes about how their character did X to Y, with set insides jokes for the millionth time, 4 or 5 times every game that leave the rest of the table wondering if we are there to roleplay or have a dysfunctional RPG reunion for the class of 90.

3: That guy who can't be bothered to pay attention to the game if he isn't the center of attention and distracts the rest of the party because they are web surfing and the game just has to wait because they have found the "greatest" thing on youtube.

4: Second the nod for the DM who isn't prepared on a consistent basis.

5: The DM who breaks your character because you have a skill that upsets their game plan and they just don't have the imagination to do a work around. As in I scored a 50 on intimidate on a town guard, just a mook, and he stands his ground. He doesn't go get help, call out the barracks or anything logical. Nope, he stands his ground. What's the point in having a skill if the DM won't let you use it?

[Bozwevial]

5: The DM who breaks your character because you have a skill that upsets their game plan and they just don't have the imagination to do a work around. As in I scored a 50 on intimidate on a town guard, just a mook, and he stands his ground. He doesn't go get help, call out the barracks or anything logical. Nope, he stands his ground. What's the point in having a skill if the DM won't let you use it?

On a broader scale, any DM who is clearly and blatantly in violation of the rules for the express purpose of his own convenience.