Author Topic: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?  (Read 25759 times)

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AfterCrescent

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Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« on: May 27, 2008, 02:04:29 AM »
Welcome to the town of !  We are a small coastal town, but still very lively. We do hope you enjoy your stay here. The two guardsmen outside the town gate almost seem to be speaking in unison.  It is clear they both have given this speech multiple times before.

While you are in , there are a few laws we expect you to abide by. First, it is prohibited to draw a weapon in public. Second, it prohibited to use any form of magic that can cause damage to the structures in our beloved town. Third, and most importantly, our town frowns greatly upon attempts to subjugate or control others, whether through blackmail or sorcery.  The straight faced guardsman gives his speech with utter clarity. As soon as he finishes, the clearly younger looking guard pipes up with, It's also prohibited to resist arrest. His superior quickly glances at him before rolling his eyes.

Have a wonderful day. As they finish their speech, the guards step out of your way, and you enter through the gates...



Two days later, as you are starting to get a feel for this small, quaint town, wondering when something "lively" is going to happen (or perhaps wondering if it's time you move on already), there is suddenly the sound of commotion.  You head off in the direction, realizing quickly that it seems to be coming from the Town Square.  As you get closer, you can see people gathering around something. Quickly pushing your way through the crowd, the image and the words come as one.

...NIGHTMARE! Horrible spikes... and... and those eyes... like a spider... Oh, Pelor! Oh, Talyn! It... out of the tree... Talyn! The woodsman is covered in dried blood, his face and clothes smeared with dirt and sweat, evidence of a long run and many, panicked, falls.  Kneeling in the center of the square, weeping and screaming, any state of shock has passed and the once somber woodsman is now reduced to a sobbing mass.

Not a moment later, two guardsman push their way through the crowd with blankets in hand. They both take the blanket and wrap it around the man, who just sits there, limply. The half-guide, half-force the man into a standing position and lead him away. Once standing, the gash in his twisted leg is evident. It is clearly a severe wound, and does not appear to be made by an animal's claw or any woodsman's axe.

The crowd doesn't disperse, as would be expected however. They stand there, and it isn't long before the whispering begins. Hushed whispers permeate the mass, and the same two phrases are repeated... The Mad Mage. Silkur's Revenge.

When pressed for information, the townsfolk just hang their head, almost as if in shame.  After a few more minutes pass, the crowd begins to part, as a group of people enter the center square. There are six of them in total. The tall, graceful, auburn haired woman in the emerald green gown leads the procession. The four that follow her are clearly elderly. Their gray beards and thinning hair reveal their age more than their portly stomach's reveal their moderate wealth.  Each is dressed in proper, stately robes, and walks with an air of self-infused superiority.  The sixth man stands a full two hands above the others. Dressed in platemail, this stocky man carries a flail on his back that looks to be too large for him to weild.

As the procession stops and the flail makes its final clank in connection with armor, the woman glances over the crowd and begins to speak. Four and a half moons ago, the Mad Mage Silkur was exiled from our town.  Although he claimed innocence, we all know he was the only capable of causing the collapse of the abbey's bell tower.  Some say he swore his revenge that day, and it may be that he is attempting to claim his revenge this day.  We, the , she says with a sweep, passing over the other four, aging members, hereby request the service of those would go into the Aged Forest and discover the meaning behind the death of Talyn Marn.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2008, 12:03:04 PM by aftercrescent »
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EjoThims

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2008, 01:00:18 AM »
It seems to me that I may be of some use. A tall, somewhat thin man wearing a loose grey robe and leaning on a staff more beaten than the oldest of draft horses says with a smile as he steps out of the crowd. He bows low with a flourish of his hat, it's bold purple color a stark contrast to his dull robes and worn staff, though he is quite careful that his shining, knee length hair never touches the ground.

and with this he tips the wide brimmed hat towards the other five who have stepped forward before replacing it on his head with a gleam in his eyes that sparkle the same color as the lady's gown in unraveling the mystery that besets this lovely, coastal town and it's marvelous denizens.

Prime32

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2008, 12:04:55 PM »
A bearded man with wild blue eyes steps forward. He is dressed in a loose, sleeveless brown tunic, with a darker undershirt and pants, and a thick brown cloak.

"Sounds interesting," he says, glancing at Malachi, "I'll come along too."

[spoiler]This is my characters current form. He might not always have blue eyes... :smirk[/spoiler]
My work
The tier system in a nutshell:
[spoiler]Tier 6: A cartographer.
Tier 5: An expert cartographer or a decent marksman.
Tier 4: An expert marksman.
Tier 3: An expert marksman, cartographer and chef who can tie strong knots and is trained in hostage negotiation or a marksman so good he can shoot down every bullet fired by a minigun while armed with a rusted single-shot pistol that veers to the left.
Tier 2: Someone with teleportation, mind control, time manipulation, intangibility, the ability to turn into an exact duplicate of anything, or the ability to see into the future with perfect accuracy.
Tier 1: Someone with teleportation, mind control, time manipulation, intangibility, the ability to turn into an exact duplicate of anything and the ability to see into the future with perfect accuracy.[/spoiler]

BoSheck

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2008, 01:02:43 PM »
A willowy elf with snowy hair and pale-blue eyes cautiously examines the elders and those who had stepped forward.  His heavy cloak and tunic obscure his light armor, and his full pack appears to have seen many miles.  He speaks with a cool, subtle tone appraising those present even now, "If this is what caused the wound of that man, then I may be of use.  My name is Suuru Tyelka, I am skilled at healing and the clerical arts, so may be of some use."  There is a pause as Suuru considers, "I would, however, know more of this mage before any such action is to be taken."
« Last Edit: June 06, 2008, 02:53:22 PM by BoSheck »

Shigunaru

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2008, 01:06:29 PM »
With a couple of seconds of esitation, a thin halfling dressed in simple traveler's robes step forward slowly.

'No need to look for troubles nowaday, they allways get to you first...'

Dalcyrr Llalee, from Denburrow village he says, bowing slightly and tapping is walking stick on the ground.
I'll help as much as I can

Taking off his cowl, Dalcyrr take a look at the other five men who stepped forward.
« Last Edit: June 06, 2008, 08:35:58 PM by Shigunaru »
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DaveTheMagicWeasel

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2008, 02:50:05 PM »
A diminutive figure initially headed off in pursuit of the bloodied man as he was led away, Turen's curiousity piqued by the episode.  But, at the sound of the council woman's voice he was called back in the direction of the square.

'Volunteers?  Well, I'll just bet I know which idiots will be...'

His train of thought was cut off by the sound of Malachi's voice up ahead.

'Pompous old wind bag ... hasn't even asked the price and he's volunteering!'

As he passed through the crowds Turen did his best to imitate the local accents as he darted between a man's legs "I sure hopes we can afford a big enough reward.  How much is there left in the treasury now?", then a high-pitched feminine voice "Oh gods, save us from this terrible fiend!" ... "Don't you worry none dear, we done gots plenty of gold in the treasury I'm sure"

Finally, Turen himself stepped out from behind the folds of the last peasant, nodding in Suury's direction as he did so "I'm with the elf.  Oh, what's that you say?  My name?  Does that really matter?  Y'all can recognise me well enough when I claim the reward, speaking of which, what kind of a bounty did you say it was?"

Dictum Mortuum

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2008, 09:35:34 PM »
The massive figure approached the group. Although he clearly required the use of a walking stick, he still was able to carry himself in a regal way. He spoke in a deep, soothing voice [common] My little friend, some things cannot be measured in gold, as he removed the hood of his natural colored cloak, revealing his exotic characteristics. Bronze scales with silver touches covered every inch of his body. Two horns adorned his head giving him a noble draconic appearance. After a slight pause he added: [common] I would be glad to be of assistance.
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AfterCrescent

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2008, 09:57:51 PM »
With a slight bow of her head, the emerald-clad woman acknowledges each person that steps forward.  She then turns to answer the questions posed to her.  Of course, kind Sir Tyelka.  Captain Stonewall here, she says as she half turns and indicates the tall, well armored and well armed, man, Will be more than happy to brief you of any information that we have.

As the gnome darts out of the crowd and into the clearing, the council elders turn to give him their full attention. The woman speaks again, with a twinkle in her eye. Why thank you for volunteering, sir.  I had not spoken of the reward, yet. It is not customary in our village to do so. However, you may trust that you will be rewarded for your aid this day. Captain Stonewall will see to that.

Almost as she finishes speaking, the bronze scaled figure steps into the clearing. Upon the removal of his hood, two of the elderly men in the council take a step back, clearly shocked.  They quickly regained their composure and the council, as a whole, gives the creature a slight bow.  Once more, the woman takes a step forward, this time addressing the crowd.   She turns to the gathered six, at last. Our humblest thanks, again, kind sirs. We must depart for now; running a town keeps one busy, you know. She lets loose a small, girlish giggle, before catching the stern eye of one of the elders. Captain Stonewall will answer any questions you may have.  The crowd, surprisingly, lets out a small applause in your honor.  It then slowly begins to disperse.

With that, she turns and begins the courtly walk back the way she came, with the four other council members in tow. As they depart down the street, the clank of metal strikes your ears again as the giant of a man steps forward. His flail comes to rest again, as he stops. He turns to the grey robed man, A pleasure to meet you, Malachi the Sorcerer, then to the pale skinned elf, And you, Suuru Tyelka, finally to the halfling, And of course you, Dalcyrr Llalee.  He turns to the other three, May I inquire of what your names are?  Once he has heard all of the names, he responds, I must second m'lady's gratitude. Your help is most appreciated. I will answer any questions that you have the best I can.
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Dictum Mortuum

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2008, 10:27:30 PM »
[common] My full name is [draconic] Duskapaquir ux Knile tibur Feng fintir tiathar answered the dragonborn, and with each word of Bahamut's language he spoke, his eyes became brighter and brighter, like small flashes of pure light.
Regaining his cool tone, he added: [common] Most people just call me Dusk.
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Shigunaru

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2008, 10:34:02 AM »
Duskapaquir ux Knile tibur Feng fintir tiathar... Interesting
[spoiler]
Is a Knowledge: Religion check (1d20+8=26) useful to know about the existance of the Rite of Rebirth?[/spoiler]

[common] Maybe we should find a less crowded place to talk about this matters, captain says Dalcyrr, eyeing the dispersing crowd of frightened villagers.
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EjoThims

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2008, 11:39:13 AM »
Malachi's smile at the council's reaction to the large, draconic man becomes a smirk as the woman giggles before leaving them.

[spoiler]
Knowledge Checks on Dusk
Knowledge Arcana
Knowledge Religion

I had the same idea Shin, but I went looking for a 'Dragonborn Lore' section. It is, alas, nowhere to be found.[/spoiler]

Speaking briefly in a Draconic that carries a slight whimsical accent, Malachi laughs softly as he examines those who have joined him, especially the other two carrying walking sticks. Duskapaquir ux Knile tibur Feng fintir tiathar, it is a wonderful pleasure to meet you, and you are indeed correct that gold is a terrible way to mark value, especially when there are so many other marvels around us. Dalcyrr Llalee, likewise. I see we three share a similar taste in attire, and, I think, perhaps, language and studies of interest as well... He then turns back to the captain, growing serious as he returns to speaking Common.

And Suuru Tyelka, you make a good point. Captain Stonewall, who was this Silkur? What drove him to madness? What, precisely, happened to the bell tower in the abbey? A pause as Malachi watches most of the townsfolk go back to their standard routines.

Dalcyrr Llalee's suggestion is wise, as well. Perhaps such sensitive information is best retained until we are some place more, appropriate, to the discussion of business... The local inn, perhaps, if your office is too far, they have been so kind there to me in my short time here.

But until then, what is your name Captain? You haven't been properly introduced to us. Nor was the council, though surely it's because of the important business they must attend to in these troubled time. You, gracious Captain, can surely tell us who they are, and the story of their leader, the Lady in the dress colored like the leaves. Come, the six of us will follow you, and we'll learn more about each other on the way.


With a gentle smile and a slight bow, Malachi steps aside for the Captain and the others, though his gaze lingers long on the two the have yet to be introduced, especially the short one so interested in a reward.

Prime32

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2008, 04:19:19 PM »
[spoiler]My character is staying pretty silent until he can get a good picture of the situation. If anyone asks, he says his name is Tiv, unless changelings are well known, in which case he gives a fake name.[/spoiler]
My work
The tier system in a nutshell:
[spoiler]Tier 6: A cartographer.
Tier 5: An expert cartographer or a decent marksman.
Tier 4: An expert marksman.
Tier 3: An expert marksman, cartographer and chef who can tie strong knots and is trained in hostage negotiation or a marksman so good he can shoot down every bullet fired by a minigun while armed with a rusted single-shot pistol that veers to the left.
Tier 2: Someone with teleportation, mind control, time manipulation, intangibility, the ability to turn into an exact duplicate of anything, or the ability to see into the future with perfect accuracy.
Tier 1: Someone with teleportation, mind control, time manipulation, intangibility, the ability to turn into an exact duplicate of anything and the ability to see into the future with perfect accuracy.[/spoiler]

DaveTheMagicWeasel

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #12 on: June 07, 2008, 08:41:41 PM »
The small gnome deftly turned the conversation away from the topic of his name, instead he nodded his head towards the hulking scaled figure looming over him.

"Yeah, I'm with the dragon too.  Look, we're exactly the chaps you want to introduce this Silkur fella to his own innards, you make no mistake about that.  But we've still got bills to pay, and you can't go fighting no mage on an empty stomach see?  That's why someone has to remember to sort out the bill.

And that someone, is me.  Besides, there's no much point getting the details if we decide we don't like the price..."
« Last Edit: June 07, 2008, 08:44:09 PM by DaveTheMagicWeasel »

AfterCrescent

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #13 on: June 08, 2008, 07:15:23 AM »
Captain Stonewall inclines his head in a slight bow at each introduction. A pleasure to meet you Dusk and Tiv. He eyes the gnome inquisitively as he artfully avoids giving a name.

Innards?! No, no, no, sir. I believe you misunderstand what we're asking. I can only hope this mission will reveal that it was all a misunderstanding and that Silkur has done nothing wrong this time.

He scans the group, and at Dalcyrr's comment turns to watch the dispersing crowd.  His momentary distraction is cut short by Malachi's inquiry. Ah, yes, Silkur... He turns his head in the direction of the forest. You are right, though. This is not the place to have this discussion. Follow me, please.  With that, he turns and begins walking down a street perpendicular to the one the council left along a moment ago.

As he reaches the corner of the intersection, he turns back to the group for a second. Don't worry, little mysterious gnome, our town is not that poor.  I shall have to consult with the treasurers, but you will be paid a fair price.  In fact, what do you think is a fair price?  Once the gnome responds, Captain Stonewall smiles broadly and turns back. Interesting. Let's continue on.

While he walks, he begins speaking.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2008, 07:17:01 AM by aftercrescent »
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BoSheck

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #14 on: June 08, 2008, 09:37:12 PM »
"I trust there are records detailing these events.  A detailed account of the incident might best be studied where it can be compared to other information--if such a thing is available."   Suuru pauses briefly acknowledging the captain, "Not that I mean offense, however tales recorded in the oral tradition have a certain....vulnerability...to being skewed."    His emphasis on the last word was such as to imply that the very thought of such a thing would be unacceptable.

EjoThims

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #15 on: June 08, 2008, 09:47:48 PM »
Yes indeed, Suuru Tyelka, the, skewing, of words can be a horrible thing as a story passes from one's mouth to another's ears. If a written account is availa... This time? What, specifically, has Silkur done in the past?

Oh, but forgive me, my mouth gets ahead of our feet once more...


Malachi takes up a position behind the others as the walk begins.

Ah, of course, Captain Stonewall, you did mention that. I must have forgotten already.* There is simply so much to do and see, no pun intended, of course, in this marvelous village. And with all this chaos and trouble. Why, since I'd gotten here I've not seen so many gathered except for the market. But everyone came running when they heard the cries. No doubt to offer whatever aid they could!

So, what has brought the Lady, Isabella Entahm, to lead the Council Malachi drops the capital letters into place in a such a way as to make them apparent but not emphasized for this exquisite coastal town? If you don't mind me asking, she seems not to quite fit in with the other council members. It was Gilbert MacTyrn and Rynt Eltren, yes, that were so shocked by the looks of,
an agitated pause, as if Malachi is trying very hard at something Dusk, here? Have they never seen a, another pause, and a glance at Dusk, hoping he understands the meaning behind this one** half-dragon before?

Although, you don't see many of your kind in these parts... easier this time Dusk. What brings you to this town?And you others as well, I've been here for a few days preparing for a sea voyage, peddling myself as a simple magician for entertainment at the inn to provide meals and a place to sleep, they truly have been so kind to me over there, and I don't think I've noticed you lot around. But then, there really is so much to see, so very much to do. Have you seen the way they catch the fish? And gut them, too. There's some innards for you, little one.

They let me help, but I fear I really, ahem, butchered the task... Mucky stuff, to be honest, innards... Though I'm told some can see the future in them. An old woman in the city I recently left swore by a good chicken gizzard...

But the hunt must go on, yes? Everything has it's place in the scheme of things. At least few here hunt simply for sport...


Though his eyes wander about the mundane town and the look on his face suggests that, to him, this place actually is as interesting and beautiful as his words suggest, as the walk continues and Malachi continues to make small talk, he does his best to keep the others in front of him without drawing attention, making doubly sure to keep an eye on Tiv and the gnome, since the one is hiding more in his silence than I in my speech, and the other seems about as trustworthy as a Pixie on Midsummer's Eve with a grudge and two thimbles of scumble in his gut.

[spoiler]*Bluff on having forgotten the mention of his name.

**Bluff to convey a secret message. Message conveyed, a DC 25 Sense Motive will decipher that there was hidden meaning, a DC 30 will figure out what it is.[/spoiler]

Dictum Mortuum

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #16 on: June 09, 2008, 05:52:59 PM »
Dusk remains silent and doesn't correct Malachi on his Half-Dragon comment.

[common] What brings me here? I'm a wanderer by trade. Learned most of the art from a child of Bahamut who was kind enough to help me when i needed it most. When it is not required of me to follow His will, i mostly travel. Helps purging dark thoughts.

While talking, Dusk pauses for a brief second to call his companions.
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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #17 on: June 12, 2008, 04:33:30 AM »
Innards?! No, no, no, sir. I believe you misunderstand what we're asking. I can only hope this mission will reveal that it was all a misunderstanding and that Silkur has done nothing wrong this time.

As the group waled after the captain Turen's gaze drifted to the money pouch bouncing so temptingly against Stonewall's hips, the siren song of jingling coin weaving it's magic about the gnome's sense.

With a start he realised the Captain was talking to him and reluctantly tore his gaze away, "Oh ... no innards?   Well ... I guess we can do that too, I mean, if you're really sure?"  He extended a small hand towards the Captain , "Turen, by the by, forgot to mention it me thinks.  Hailing from Runnymede on the east coast*, small town, doubt you've heard of it, it's no matter really."

Turning to enquire more deeply, and perhaps even get a second name, Stonewall found the space previusly occupied by the gnome vacant, he double-taked, and scanned around, eventually catching glimpse of the gnome on the other side of the half-dragon's hulking form.  The little guy could move quickly enough.

[spoiler]
* This is, of course, completely made up.[/spoiler]

AfterCrescent

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #18 on: June 12, 2008, 03:05:59 PM »
Turen. Stonewall says as he nods a greeting to the gnome. I can't say that I have heard of Runnymeade... He begins as he turns back to the gnome, who isn't in the same spot. My, he's fast for his size.

As the group walks and chats, Stonewall continues forward at a steady pace, leading them through town while answering their questions.

I don't know that there was much to detail, Sir Suuru.  The abbey's tower collapsed at night while most of the town was asleep.  It happened nearly four and a half moons ago.  Although I suppose if there is more information about it, the town scribes at the City Hall would have it.

He glances over his shoulder at Malachi and flashes a smile down at him. I don't think anyone in town has seen a half-dragon before... Although Sir MacTyrn and Lord Eltren are, indeed, easily startled.  You should have seen their expressions during the emergency meeting that ni... Ah, but you asked about the Lady.

Without getting into too many details about politics, suffice it to say that current council members elect their replacement, if they step down.  My Lady Isabella Entahm was elected to the council just over three moons ago.

Almost as Stonewall finishes his statement on the head of the council, the group turns down a street and can clearly see the abbey at the end of the street.


Just before the abbey, is a large wooden fence that runs from the building before the abbey to the beginning of the abbey.  Stonewall quiets down as he leads the group down the street, somberly. Oh, Silkur...  When the party moves adjacent to the wall, Stonewall holds up a hand to stop. He turns to address everyone.  As you can see, not many walk this street nowadays. He motions up and down the empty street.

Silkur was once a good man. He was a sorcerer who spent endless hours in his study working on his next concoction. His mind worked wonders and he, himself, designed the city wall structure that we use.  Needless to say he was a valued citizen.  There was an occasion a few years back where his expiriment went haywire and blew a hole in the wall of his home. That was the most damage he had ever done to anyone or anything...

Then it happened. In the middle of the night, the bell tower fell.  The guards on patrol had passed down this street less than an hour before, so whoever caused it had worked fast.  The citizens, in their fear, turned on Silkur and he was brought before the council. In their deliberations, he was found guilty and exiled. He was not put to death because of all the good he had done for this town.  It fell on me to escort him from town.  While I walked him from City Hall to his home and finally to the town gate, he never said a word.  Much to my surprise, by the next day the rumor had spread that Silkur had sworn his revenge upon being exiled.
  The captain almost seems to shrug at this comment.  Thus is the story of Silkur.  With that he nods towards the fence, and those over four feet tall can see beyond the fence.

[spoiler]What lies beyond the fence is a small courtyard that looks horribly unattended. In the center is a massive amount of rubble, as if a tower over the three stories had collapsed in on itself.  Jetting out of the rubble, is evidence of the bell that had once sat at the top of the tower, now jagged bits of rusty metal.  The fence extends along all four edges of the courtyard, sealing the destroyed abbey in.[/spoiler]
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BoSheck

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Re: Heroic Origins: Chapter 1 - To Serve and Protect?
« Reply #19 on: June 12, 2008, 03:31:46 PM »
"I shall be delighted to speak to your City Hall's scribes, Captain Stonewall."  Suuru is polite, even if his tone remains somewhat chilly.

The elf listens diligently to the tale, and to the others, occasionally shifting the weight of his pack and rolling his neck as he takes mental notes.  This mage sounds learned enough, perhaps if we locate him in a civil fashion, some knowledge beyond this matter might be gleaned from him, unless he has truly succumb to madness.  He stops at the fence, stepping so that he stood before it and carefully appraising the rubble.  "A tragic tale, and one which has not yet ready for an epilogue, I fear."  Suuru's voice is low--despite the empy streets--as the softly spoken words are for the good captain's ears, as well as his companions.

Clearing his throat, once more he speaks, in a curious tone "Tell me, how thoroughly has the wreckage been searched?  By your council's original explanation I had presumed these events were not nearly so recent as you have revealed them to be.  Further examination of this heap of rock and iron may yield some clue to the circumstances surrounding your friend's unfortnuate exile..."   Quickly Suuru adds a qualifier "After we've had a chance to examine your records of the event, of course."