As Bubnoff is done, let the parodies continue:
ZERTH WHACKER "I remember that day. The day I saw the Githzerai naked. It changed my life. It made me realize I had to dedicate my existence to ensuring no one else saw the Githzerai naked..." At some point in your career as a Chaos Monk you decided to decided to spy on the Zerth Cenobites to learn their secrets. Unfortunately you picked the day they chose to frolic naked in the showers, and were stunned into speechlessness before being soundly beaten. You can still remember the sound of their wet, semi-fleshy hands smacking into your skin over and over. But you don't have any emotional issues stemming from the incident. Oh no. That's all behind you. The collection of severed Githzerai heads in your apartment is due to another incident entirely...
BECOMING A ZERTH WHACKER Effectively you must be a Chaos Monk who has had some sort of disturbing or violent experience at the hands of the Zerth Cenobites.
ENTRY REQUIREMENTS BAB: +4
Skills: Concentration 9 ranks
Manifesting: Power Point reserve of at least 2
Class Features: Disturbed Mind
Class Skills The Zerth Whacker's class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Autohypnosis (Wis), Bluff (Cha), Concentration (Con), Escape Artist (Dex), Hide (Dex), Intimidate (Cha), Jump (Str), Knowledge (Psionics, The Planes)(Int), Listen (Wis), Move Silently (Dex), Psicraft (Int), Spot (Wis), and Tumble (Dex).
Skills Points at Each Level : 4 + int
Hit Dice: d8
BAB Fort Ref Will Abilities
1. +0 +2 +0 +2 Meeeeemoooriiieees, Chaos Monk Abilities
2. +1 +3 +0 +3 Unpredictable Mood Changes
3. +2 +3 +1 +3 HEY! LOOK AT ME!
4. +3 +4 +1 +4 Meeeeemoooriiieees
5. +3 +4 +1 +4 Unpredictable Mood Changes
6. +4 +5 +2 +5 YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME!
7. +5 +5 +2 +5 Meeeeemoooriiieees
8. +6 +6 +2 +6 Unpredictable Mood Changes
9. +6 +6 +3 +6 THEY'RE OUT TO GET US!
10.+7 +7 +3 +7 My penis? Oh goodness no, this is an inflamed lymph node. Why? Is it noticeable?
Weapon Proficiencies: Zerth Whackers gain no new weapon or armor proficiencies.
Meeeeemoooriiieees (Su): Sometimes the memories get to you. The bad, horrible memories you thought you repressed. The memories of doves, and showers, and giggling gnomes...wait...um...well it was bad shit. Anyway, whenever you're under stress you go completely whacko. At 1st level anytime you are under stress (in a fight, taking damage, being insulted, being told what to do, remembering it's Tuesday and you owe someone money, etc) you may go Insane for 3 rounds plus 1 round per point of Charisma Modifier once per day. Insanity is similar to the Barbarian Rage (see PHB page 25), and has the exact same penalties. But instead of a boost to Strength and Constitution you gain a different power. You gain 2 Power Points per Hit Die that can only be spent on two effects:
You can increase your Unarmored Bonus to AC by +1 per power point for the duration of your Insanity.
Or you can increase the damage of your Unarmed Strikes by +1d6 damage per 2 power points. These bonuses last until the end of your Insanity. You may not spend more power points than you have Hit Dice on either of these abilities.
At 4th level you may go Insane twice per day.
At 7th level you may go Insane 3 times per day.
Chaos Monk Abilities: Your Chaos Monk and Zerth Whacker levels stack for purposes of determining your Unarmored Bonus to AC, Unarmed Strike damage, and Body in Flux abilities.
Unpredictable Mood Changes (Su): Due to your ever increasing instability it becomes ever more difficult to predict what you will do.
At 2nd level creatures who have Insight Bonuses do not gain them against you.
At 5th level your antics start to get to people, and they become slightly unpredictable. A number of times per day equal to your Charisma Modifier you can force any one opponent within 60' to reroll any roll as a Swift Action. He must keep the results of the new roll.
At 8th level whenever you successfully Feint in combat your opponent loses his Dexterity Bonus to AC like normal, and he cannot use any skill or ability that requires Concentration that round. You also take no penalty for Feinting against non humanoid creatures as well since your sheer presence makes other beings highly nervous.
HEY! LOOK AT ME! (Su): There are attention whores, and then there are attention whores who can back up their boorishness with psychic power. As a Standard Action you may do something weird, and all creatures within 120' must stop what they are doing and look at you if they fail a willpower Save (DC is 10 plus half Hit Dice plus Charisma Modifier). Each round you continue to concentrate on this power they remain Fascinated if they have failed their Save. You must also of course be doing something to keep their attention. Screaming gibberish is a common activity, as is flinging your own poo. When the effect is over, anyone who failed their Save will not seek retribution against you regardless of what you have done unless you caused a death somehow. This is a Mind-Affecting effect.
YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME! (Ps): You may use Psionic Dominate at will as a Psi-Like ability, Manifester Level is equal to your Hit Dice.
THEY'RE OUT TO GET US! (Su): As a standard action you may point at anyone within 60' of you and accuse them of every obscenity known to man. All other beings within 60' of you must make a Willpower Save (DC is 10 plus half Hit Dice plus Charisma Modifier) or they single him out for attacks for 1 round per Zerth Whacker Level. If incapable of attack him they will attempt to move into position to do so, or hurl insults and less mentionable things. Opponents must be able to see you and your opponent for this ability to work. This is a Language-Dependent Mind-Affecting Effect.
My penis? Oh goodness no, this is an inflamed lymph node. Why? Is it noticeable? (Su): At 10th level you have been such a thorn in the asscheek of society for so long that people sometimes no longer take notice of your conniption fits (it's cause of your latent unfocused psi abilities honestly). You may commit any act, and anyone able to witness it must make a Willpower Save (DC 10 plus half Hit Dice plus Charisma Modifier), or they proceed as if you are doing nothing out of the ordinary. And we mean anything. You can run through the King's Court naked, eat babies, or floss your buttcheeks with the face of orphans. You can fling poo, give full body shaves to the underaged, or choke an Ogre to death by feeding him his own testicles in the town square in the full light of day. You can even perform mundanely unacceptable acts like simple assault or arson. This is a Mind-Affecting Effect so sadly Vermin and Mindless Undead still want your blood. Or brain. Or whatever.
PLAYING A ZERTH WHACKER The world simply doesn't understand what is waiting for them. And you have to make them understand. No matter what it takes. But first you have to get their attention. Showing up in the town square butt naked with a pigeon in your ass accomplished that quite nicely. However you're beginning to think it had some unforeseen consequences vis a vis their being unwilling to accept what you say as honest. Buncha retards all of them.
Combat: You're a pretty average fighter honestly, until you meet up with the Githzerai, or a Zerth Cenobite. Then things get creepy. Fast. The fight won't be so bad, but you beating the Githzerai to death with the severed head of one of their fellows while singing "Memories" and then using the corpses to act out little psycho dramas? Yeah that's gonna be awkward to explain...
Advancement: You advance by trying out anything that will allow you an advantage against your most hated foe: the Githzerai. You'd sell your own mom to get an edge on them. You could always get her back afterwards. Least that's what the voices in your head tell you.
Resources: You have your brothers to call on, and anyone who dislikes the Githzerai. This sometimes includes the Githyanki, and Mindflayers, but to be honest you kinda make them nervous. They may be evil, but at least they're stable. You on the other hand...well...you're crazy.
ZERTH WHACKERS IN THE WORLD "I am not sharing a cell with him. Let me make this perfectly clear in case you don't understand: I am NOT sharing a cell with him. I'll kill you if I have to." All you want is acceptance, and the world to realize you're right. Now all you need is to get someone to make you wake up and realize you're going about it the wrong way. Granted the psychic hell of your daily existence makes you pretty difficult to get through to, and you're prone to ...um...let's call them "moments of non-clarity" (we're charitable sometimes) that hurt your social reputation. Which is a nice way of saying sometimes you go batshit insane and beat a harmless local Githzerai farmer using one of his own sheep as a weapon. You've even shaved it for a better grip. Absolute genius.
Daily Life: You spend much of your time planning your revenge, and scheming to make the world understand. Translated into a language sane people understand, this means you spend a lot of time naked doing questionable things that make no sense to anyone but you. Even the Gods have given up trying to understand you. But hope springs eternal in your mind, and you believe your latest half-assed scheme of convincing the town that the Githzerai are ferret rapists will finally make them understand. You don't have the faintest damned idea what the hell a ferret is, but you know those skinny, cancerous looking freaks do bad things to them. You just know it.
Notables: Woodchuck Bob (CN Human Male Chaos Monk 6/Zerth Whacker 6) always wanted to be a psionic Monk, but his career was cut short after a horrifying experience with the Githzerai. Now he sets in the woods drooling, obsessed that the Githzerai have mind controlled the local woodchuck population on the nearby plains, and that only he can stop them.
Organizations: There aren't really enough of you to make up an organization with any real power or influence, but there are several organizations devoted to ensuring you wreak as little havoc as possible (and of course the Zerth Cenobites themselves).
NPC Reaction Even NPC's who hate the Githzerai tend to stay as far from you as possible. When other adventurers walk into a bar they can tell you're a Zerth Whacker because you're sitting in one corner, and the entire bar is huddled in the other corner, crossbows drawn. Even the odd demon or dragon occasionally encountering you goes "Oh your one of...those people."
ZERTH WHACKERS IN THE GAME This PrC could be slightly disruptive. Aw hell, who am I kidding, if you have a nutjob player this is his dream PrC. Be careful okay?
Adaptation: This would be too sick if you played it in a serious campaign. Stick to the funny and you should be okay. People will still stare at you while you're playing but screw them they need a sense of humor.
Encounters: PC's can encounter you just about anywhere. That guy down the street beating an old man to death while laughing maniacally? Could be one of yours. The guy in the bar staring into eternity, wearing clown makeup with an arrow in his neck? Definitely one of yours. The naked fat guy in the town square, weeping nonstop while playing with himself? Not one of yours, but you'll probably descend to that level by next Tuesday. You have been warned.
Sample Encounter EL 12: "Okay, so I have a couple heads in my kitchen, and I kinda have bloodstains on my clothes, and I ran naked through the streets, and I bludgeoned a Monk to death on the temple steps with a soap on a rope."
"But I can explain this. Seriously, it will all make perfect sense when I'm done."
"Would you like some tea?"
Woodchuck BobCN Human Male Chaos Monk 6/Zerth Whacker 6
Init +1,
Senses: Listen +6, Spot +6
Languages Common
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AC 23, touch 17, flat-footed 22 (+1 Dex, +2 Wis, +6 Armor, +4 Deflection)
AC w/Codpiece 24, touch 18, flat-footed 23 (+1 Dex, +3 Wis, +6 Armor, +4 Deflection)
hp 66 (12 HD)
Fort +11,
Ref +8,
Will +12
Disturbed Mind
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Speed 30 ft. (6 squares)
Melee Unarmed Strike +11/+6 (2d6+1)
Melee w/Codpiece Unarmed Strike +11/+6 (2d8+1)
Base Atk +8,
Grp +9
Atk Options Unarmed Strike Damage, Unarmored AC Bonus, Chaos Strike (Magic), Meeeeemoooriiieees 2/day
Combat Gear-----------------------------------------------
Abilities Str 13, Dex 12, Con 12, Int 8, Wis 14, Cha 16
SQ Body in Flux +3), HEY! LOOK AT ME!, YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME!, Unpredictable Mood Changes
Feats Greater Psionic Fist, Narrow Mind, Psionic Fist, Speed of Thought, Up the Walls, Wild Talent, Improved Grapple (B), Stunning Fist (B), Extra Mutation (Manipulate Reality)
Skills Autohypnosis +6, Climb +6, Concentration +10, Escape Artist +6, Hide +6, Intimidate +12, Jump +6, Listen +6, Move Silently +6, Spot +6, Tumble +6
Possessions Monks Codpiece (Belt), +6 Mittens (Bracers) of Armor, Bra (Rags) of Restraint, +4 Nipple Ring of Protection, Type IV Bag of Holding, 1 Jar of Sovereign Glue, 1 Suppository of Cure Serious Wounds, 650 GP
EPIC ZERTH WHACKER Hit Die: d8
Skills Points at Each Level : 4 + int
Meeeeemoooriiieees Beginning at 21st level (and every 3rd level thereafter) the Epic Zerth Whacker can use it's Insanity ability once more per day.
AC Bonus: The Zerth Whacker's bonus to AC when unarmored continues to increase by +1 for every 5 levels.
Bonus Feats: The Epic Zerth Whacker gains a Bonus Feat every 4 levels higher than 20th