Wish Granted!

[Irthos Levethix]

Wish Granted!  I live a long and happy life by draining your body and soul into a phylactery and sipping on it like a cherry Coke.  Your shriveled corpse decorates the dashboard of Dexterity's car, keeping him from childhood torment. 

I wish I had enough money to move my girlfriend out here.

[Prime32]

I wish I had enough money to move my girlfriend out here.

Wish granted: You gain great wealth, and to top it off, your girlfriend decides to get married! Unfortunately, she then divorces you, and gets all the money.

I wish to have the combined deductive abilities of Batman, L and Sherlock Holmes.

[Sirperry]

Wish granted !  You immediately figure out who is REALLY in charge and what they are doing.  They have you tracked down, tortured and killed.

I wish my toenails would quit growing.

[Nox_Noctis]

Wish Granted! You are vaporized. Simply cutting your toes off with a saw wouldn't have worked because your nails continue to grow even after death, so I apologize for having to use such drastic measures.

I wish for hundreds of inspiration points.

[Chemus]

Wish granted! You now have so many inspiration points that the DM is unable to balance you with the rest of his game and has you killed in a very humorous and imaginative fashion, such as being eaten by a den of badgers that work as clowns at children's parties.

I wish that my CO skills rivaled those of the best CO-ers here.

[Nox_Noctis]

Wish Granted! Unfortunately, like so many television show and cartoon rivals before you, you are constantly beaten and humiliated by the main character and no one appreciates you.

I wish for Spaceballs, the Flamethrower!

[Chemus]

Wish granted! However since the targeting system is so cheaply made, you only manage to get severely debilitating burns while accidentally setting fire to your home and your neighbor's dog. At least you hit the dog.

I wish for the ability to use a whip like Indiana Jones.

[Akula]

Wish granted. You can use a whip like no one else alive, unfortunately, one day as you are showing off your abilities, someone shoots you. You die.

I wish I didn't live in interesting times.

[Nachofan99]

Wish granted!   Because the times are in fact interesting you die.

I wish more people knew that we are now at peak oil.

[Straw_Man]

Wish granted. They are all part of the oil cartels and hide this fact from the populace at large.

I wish this thread would get interesting 

[Optimator]

Wish granted!  This thread turns into a Fighter and katana thread and a bunch of kids from the WotC forum migrate over.  Enjoy.

I wish my room's skylights and my car had tinted windows.

[Nachofan99]

Wish granted!  Your room has tinted windows as does your car.  Unfortunately one day while driving you are pulled over by a cop for having illegal tinted windows.  As the officer approaches the car he thinks he sees you going for a weapon, which you are not but because of the tint there is no way of telling, and opens fire.  The resulting damage to your spinal cord and brain, however, cripples you for life.  The resulting financial strain for your family is too great and they pull the plug shortly thereafter.

I wish I had advance tickets to see Wanted this weekend.

[Sirperry]

Wish granted !  They are in the mail.  You will probably get them next week.  Or the week after.  Or maybe never, knowing the US postal service.

I wish there were more books and stories by Robert Anson Heinlein that I haven't read.

[Chemus]

Wish granted! The untold stories are in the language that RAH described in which an entire concept is conveyed by one word. No one knows how to translate them.

I wish that I could transform between my human(ish) form and dragon form.

[Prime32]

I wish that I could transform between my human(ish) form and dragon form.

Wish granted. You transform into a dragon, but cannot change back. In addition, dragons are physically impossible in this world, so your body collapses under its own weight and catches fire. Then a cat pees on you.

I wish...
[spoiler][/spoiler]

[Googleplex]

uh...  Wish Granted!  [spoiler][/spoiler], but everyone finds out anyway...

I wish I knew what his wish meant.

[Sirperry]

Wish granted !  It drives you mad, instantly irrevocably mad !  You commit suicide by gorging yourself on uncooked rice and then drinking lots of hot water.

I wish that whenever I pay for something, I'll always have exactly that much money in my pocket.

[Dan2]

Wish Granted!  You can feel that you have the correct amount of money in your pocket each time you pay for something, but you can't ever seem to get the money out to pay with...

I wish that I knew what I was doing in the physics lab.

[BobismyRhino]

Wish granted! You now know what you're doing in the physics lab: NOTHING!!! That's because you're now paralyzed from the neck down. Hooray!
Well, I guess you could be blinking your eyes or talking in the physics lab... But let's not get too technical, kay?



I wish that I could get a bathroom break soon. I'm gonna piss myself if no one comes by within the next 20 minutes...

 

[lotofsnow]

Wish granted. You make it to the bathroom to find out it is, in fact, broken, and you piss yourself anyway... as everyone comes by... for the next 20 minutes.



I wish my glass had more beer in it.