Author Topic: Santa Claus  (Read 5618 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

skydragonknight

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 3297
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #20 on: December 23, 2008, 12:02:39 AM »
His workshop is filled with Tinker Gnome Artificers, not elves. Basically he stole every good Tinker Gnome from Krynn and left the remaining inferior ones who could only make faulty inventions to breed. Forget about that whole "curse" thing, it was Santa's doing that gnomish inventions don't work perfectly.
And in the Dragonlance books we find one gnome, who despite being "cursed" invents a time machine. Well if such an invention can be made from a Tinker Gnome from an inferior gene pool, it can certainly be made by one of "Santa's Little Helpers".

So we have Element One of Santa's abilities covered: Time Travel.


His workshop is obviously on a different plane(we HAVE been the North Pole), coterminous with at least the North Pole. Giving the quantity of goods he makes, the plane must have the Flowing Time trait(as does the Far Realms) to give the Tinker Gnomes all the time they need in the universe to invent. Don't worry about them aging and dying: they'll breed and replace themselves.

So we have Element Two of Santa's abilities covered: Infinite Work Time for Helpers


Imagine if you will a spherical room on the Ethereal Plane larger than the planet Earth with the Earth at it's center. The room is on the same axis as the Earth with the same rotational speed as the Earth. Now Tinker Gnomes can reproduce any piece of existing technology. Santa had the Tinker Gnomes reproduce Spy Satellites, only with the magical twist(they are Artificers after all) of being able to scry the area in their vision at will. Thanks to the rotating nature of the room, these Spy Satellites, while stationary on the floor of the room, are in effectively geosynchronous orbit over every house and dwelling on the planet.

So we have Element Three of Santa's abilities covered: Knowing Who's been Bad or Good.


Putting it together:

Transportation of goods always takes place in the room on the Ethereal Plane. Being both invisible to people on the Material Plane and able to move through objects freely, Santa manifests on the Material Plane only to drop off presents. With Time Travel, he can effectively get the whole job done in a one night shift, using Mass Phantom Steed with an infinite caster level trick to pull his fat self around.

His bag is actually a portal to the workshop, where the Gnomes, tracking his position on the magical version of a GPS, hand him the exact presents he needs through the bag. The Gnomes are all adjacent to each other, and each with full Heward's Handy Haversacks and all have readied actions to "pass the present", so no matter how far the needed present is from the bag, it gets to Santa in one round.

Finally, delivering presents continuously while time traveling is extremely tiring and psychologically taxing on Santa, so during this time the gnomes will pass him stimulants and other drugs to keep him awake. He's only jolly because he's on drugs. Of course, coming off said drugs is dangerous and so Santa suffers withdrawal symptoms and is kept in a straight jacket for several weeks until his metabolism returns to normal and also recovers from sleep withdrawal and the psychological effects that come with it. No one said being Santa Claus was easy.
« Last Edit: December 23, 2008, 12:11:29 AM by skydragonknight »
It always seems like the barrels around here have something in them.

TheChrisWaits

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Curious George
  • *
  • Posts: 320
    • Email
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #21 on: December 23, 2008, 12:59:39 AM »
^ = Win.


Bozwevial

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 4497
  • Developing a relaxed attitude to danger.
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #23 on: December 23, 2008, 11:19:08 AM »
You, sir, may now take possession of one internet, courtesy of Al Gore.

Negative Zero

  • Grape ape
  • *****
  • Posts: 1532
    • Email
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #24 on: December 23, 2008, 03:05:36 PM »
You'll have to find a good way to carry it home, though. It's not just a truck you can dump stuff on and drive home.

awaken DM golem

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 3294
  • PAO'd my Avatar
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #25 on: December 23, 2008, 04:44:25 PM »
ni - ice ...  :D

I think Santa's alignment is Lawful Evil Neutral, as in Archeron.
The judging good and evil fits with the Guvners.
The using bribery to get kids to behave, is slightly evil.
Along with the drugs, and Thrallherdy stuff. Dwarves mining for nothing. Elf/Gnome crossdressing, etc ...

I don't like the Bags as portals.
They'd have to be moving, which obviously they can, but Bags of Holding are more elegant/thematic.


skydragonknight

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 3297
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #26 on: December 24, 2008, 12:42:02 PM »
I don't like the Bags as portals.
They'd have to be moving, which obviously they can, but Bags of Holding are more elegant/thematic.

Fair enough. It was only there to have access to unlimited presents and because I always wanted to use the "pass the bucket" commoner trick in optimization(only I used presents, not a bucket).

If you can get unlimited presents in a single bag of holding, then that would certainly be the more accurate interpretation, but lacking the charm of a million tinker gnomes passing a present 5 million feet(~a thousand miles) in 6 seconds.
It always seems like the barrels around here have something in them.

Negative Zero

  • Grape ape
  • *****
  • Posts: 1532
    • Email
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #27 on: December 24, 2008, 03:24:49 PM »
Well here's another question: If you place a bag of holding in a portable hole or vice versa, there is an explosion, astral plane, et cetera. By the rules, however, if you didn't have to breathe, and you went inside of a portable hole, you could craft a bag of holding with no risk.

Or hell, you could put bags of holding inside of bags of holding. It doesn't say anything preventing that. If you had enough of them, and they were filled with Warforged Crafters, Decanters of Endless Water, and a living spell of Polymorph Any Object to turn the water into crafting supplies, you could have endless toys.

Lycanthromancer

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 4003
    • Email
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #28 on: December 24, 2008, 03:53:44 PM »
Ring gates. So long as Santa's workshop is incorporeal (rather than ethereal), they could pass the gifts through the ring gates (one of which is inside of the 'magic bag' (which really isn't).

There is, however, a weight limit. Which a specially crafted set could circumvent.
[spoiler]Masculine men like masculine things. Masculine men are masculine. Therefore, liking masculine men is masculine.

I dare anyone to find a hole in that logic.
______________________________________
[/spoiler]I'm a writer. These are my stories. Some are even SFW! (Warning: Mostly Gay.)
My awesome poster collection. (Warning, some are NSFW.)
Agita's awesome poster collection.
[spoiler]
+1 Lycanthromancer
Which book is Lycanthromancer in?
Lyca ... is in the book. Yes he is.
 :D
shit.. concerning psionics optimization, lycan IS the book
[/spoiler]

The_Mad_Linguist

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 8780
  • Simulated Thing
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #29 on: December 26, 2008, 02:30:55 PM »
Ring gates. So long as Santa's workshop is incorporeal (rather than ethereal), they could pass the gifts through the ring gates (one of which is inside of the 'magic bag' (which really isn't).

There is, however, a weight limit. Which a specially crafted set could circumvent.

Just have the gifts be passed from a plane with no gravity, so the weight of every item is zero.
Linguist, Mad, Unique, none of these things am I
My custom class: The Priest of the Unseen Host
Planetouched Handbook
Want to improve your character?  Then die.

Lycanthromancer

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 4003
    • Email
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #30 on: December 26, 2008, 04:18:23 PM »
...So THAT'S how his reindeer fly. Maybe they're on the ethereal plane after all.

Or maybe they just get high from their 'reindeer games'.

Duuuuude...
« Last Edit: December 26, 2008, 04:23:33 PM by Lycanthromancer »
[spoiler]Masculine men like masculine things. Masculine men are masculine. Therefore, liking masculine men is masculine.

I dare anyone to find a hole in that logic.
______________________________________
[/spoiler]I'm a writer. These are my stories. Some are even SFW! (Warning: Mostly Gay.)
My awesome poster collection. (Warning, some are NSFW.)
Agita's awesome poster collection.
[spoiler]
+1 Lycanthromancer
Which book is Lycanthromancer in?
Lyca ... is in the book. Yes he is.
 :D
shit.. concerning psionics optimization, lycan IS the book
[/spoiler]

Tshern

  • Clown Prince of Crime
  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 5726
  • Aistii valoa auttavasti
    • Email
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #31 on: December 26, 2008, 05:47:49 PM »
He's clearly a Ruby Knight Vindicator.  Sorry, I meant a Christmas Night Package Distributor.  Footsteps of the Divine.
Are you implying Santa Claus got nerfed by Wotc?

Handy Links

Endarire

  • Man in Gorilla Suit
  • *****
  • Posts: 2171
    • Email
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #32 on: December 26, 2008, 07:02:50 PM »
I claim Santa is a human or warforged artificer or wizard who uses infinite wish loops to create the goods, and an arbitrary number of contingent teleports to place said goods in the appropriate spot.  (Efreet, if used, get their cut.)  Using greater scrying, possibly from his wish cache, he determines alignment and behavior.

A "Santa" sighting is actually a simulacrum or other illusion and each of his reindeer, if not mechanical, is also a simulacrum.  That's how the mastermind remotely interacts with the kids.

The 'elves' are victims of Santa's XP-draining crafting.  They could be gnomes, kobolds, dwarves, humans, or other, but they're most likely fanatics because of Santa's diplomancy.

Old fat guys at malls are actors.  Everyone knows this.  Santa typically avoids these people.
Hood - My first answer to all your build questions; past, present, and future.

Speaking of which:
Don't even need TO for this.  Any decent Hood build, especially one with Celerity, one-rounds [Azathoth, the most powerful greater deity from d20 Cthulu].
Does it bug anyone else that we've reached the point where characters who can obliterate a greater deity in one round are considered "decent?"

skydragonknight

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 3297
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #33 on: December 26, 2008, 09:50:30 PM »
He's clearly a Ruby Knight Vindicator.  Sorry, I meant a Christmas Night Package Distributor.  Footsteps of the Divine.
Are you implying Santa Claus got nerfed by Wotc?

*twitches at the memory of Chuck* :/
It always seems like the barrels around here have something in them.

awaken DM golem

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 3294
  • PAO'd my Avatar
Re: Santa Claus
« Reply #34 on: December 27, 2008, 05:07:30 PM »
Are you implying Santa Claus got nerfed by Wotc?
Oh yes, Santa Claus got nerfed by 4th Edition.

His movement is now 12.
He's insubstantial.
His sleigh is a trample attack that does 12 [W].

Transpose Cookies - Free Action
This "attack" transposes cookies within a Range of 5, with the appropriate Gift from Santa's sleigh, with the following exceptions:
Gift can then Slide 1, only under a Christmas Tree; Cookies can Slide 1, only into Santa's magic Glove.
 :pout