I think the "making it unpleasant to be here" tag is valid. I would personally get a lot more from discussions on this and other message boards if the people contributing to the discussions weren't dicks about it.
Here is the problem with this definition. It is subjective from both sides. If the poster has no intent, how are we supposed to figure that out? If the interpretation lies in the reader they can simply claim what they like, again no way to screen. As for moderator interpretation, that would be too much work and too subjective as well.
So while it may be a point of consideration it makes a poor metric.
One could argue that the number of objective elements involved in any discussion is easily dwarfed by and is essentially held captive by the number of subjective elements. We are going to have to deal with subjective, emotional, and occasionally irrational points of view. This is where the intelligent people often start to lose their way in a discussion, because you can't break it down into simple and discrete items of objective merit. Hence the descent into douchebaggery.
A possible (and ideal) scenario:
A: "Blah blah."
B: "I find that offensive! Take that back, you suck!"
A: "What? Why?"
B: "Because of X!"
A: "Ah! Well, I'm sorry you were offended."
B: "Fair enough."
As opposed to:
A: "Blah blah."
B: "I find that offensive! Take that back, you suck!"
A: "No, you suck!"
B: "You suck more!"
A: "Here are several reasons why you suck that I've just pulled out of my emotional response pool!"
B: "Here's some from mine!"
*asplode*
In general, if somebody finds something I have said offensive or dickish, I'm quick to say that I am sorry they took it as offensive. I may even be sorry that I said it, assuming I had some warning ahead of time that X was going to be offensive. However, if I had no idea, and suddenly X is revealed as offensive, all I can really do is express my sorrow that it was taken badly. But I won't be sorry I said it. Make sense?
I believe as adults we own our reaction to the things others say. We also own the things we say. Thus, it's up to us to negotiate the outcome of a dispute, where the most sensible path is to express one's offense, have the offending party acknowledge that it was taken as an offense, and then move on, thus enlightened.
Cheers,
Cam
