I now feel compelled to tell the story of how I discovered Scotch.
I was at a friend's party at his apartment, sitting on a bar stool. Someone poured me a glass of Scotch. I drank the Scotch.
Suddenly everything became very far away.
I wanted to go and talk to someone who was sitting on a couch a few feet away. I started to get up from the bar stool but the Scotch said, "Oh, no, laddie, ye dinnae want to go all the way over there. Look at how far away it is! That's clean across the carpet, that is! Stay here, it's much nicer!"
And I felt I had no choice but to obey. Also, in all fairness, the bottle was much closer.
It occurred to me later that this is probably why some of the Scottish folks I've met are so loud when they talk. BECAUSE EVERYTHING'S SO FAR AWAY!