Author Topic: One-up My Mortification  (Read 5082 times)

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dman11235

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #20 on: August 21, 2008, 03:10:34 AM »
Ah, math class.  I have a bunch of great stories from math.  I'll tell them too.  Later.  The embarrassing one first.  Well, not for me, but for another classmate.

So, this guy (we'll call him Ralph, his real name is actually on a similar tone of silliness) is notorious for being late.  Like, 15 minutes late.  Calc is first period for us (there's a 1st, 4th, and 8th period, second semester there was 4th and 8th), and we had the smallest (and strangest) class.  High school btw.  So Ralph is usually 5-10 minutes late every day, so that it has become a running gag almost.  In fact, we didn't even know something was up until 20 minutes into class and he hadn't shown up.  So 35 minutes into class here he comes, and class is about 5 minutes away from being done, so we're wrapping up.  He then regales us with the story of why he was late: he got into a car accident.  Not just any car accident, his jeep was too powerful for his brakes.  Basically, his gas got stuck in the 'floor it' position as he came to a stop attempting to turn left.  He applies full brakes, and still moves forward.  Into the car coming the other way.  The kicker?  He was going to be on time.  Of course.  He was the silly one in the class (you all know the types, but it would be hard to figure out in this class which one was which), and we all joked about it for the rest of the semester.  Or, rather, until his next hi jinks.

Next I'll tell you about the demonic math teacher who's older than the dirt she sleeps in.

So one day she's writing on the board in math class and puts down the marker mid-equation and just leaves.  Just up and leaves.  10 minutes later she returns....with batteries.  A lot of batteries.  A good size box of batteries.  And throws them away.  Then goes straight back to finishing the equation.  Another time, she spit on my arm while talking....it left a mark for days, and it burned.  To this day we don't know whether she is a robot, a demon, a demon robot, or what.  Whatever she is, it's very scary.  And I do not want to meet it down a dark hallway.

I do remember as well when Ralph in an earlier class (junior year I believe..at least I think it was him) tried to chug (well, drink) two gallons of water.  It...did not go well.  It was kind of amusing to watch, since he was doing it while class was going, and trying to do it without the teacher noticing.  By the time he got up for his third water break, she knew what was going on....and encouraged him.  He couldn't finish the 2 gallons, but got one down, and promptly went to the bathroom.

Ooh!  This one time at band camp (I played a trumpet) me and the rest of the last year's seniors who were cool enough to do it carried on the tradition of raiding the camp with water weapons.  Guns, balloons, you name it, we got everyone wet.  Including the directors, much to Ewan's dismay (impressive shot, btw, he's standing on a podium a good 30 meters away and up quite a distance, square in the chest).  At the time we raided, brass, drums, and woodwinds were doing sectionals, so we had to split up after the initial push.  Down by the brass, I got knocked flat on my butt.  Blindsided, actually, by the best trumpet we had that year (I was better....no...no I wasn't....also, marching trumpet, there's a diminutive girl who blows him away in concert, two actually by now (was a freshman when I left, now a senior, she's amazing by now I bet), that seems to be the trend for good trumpets: small girls concert, tall guys marching).  He then promptly took my gun and went to town on me.  And the rest of them.  I was dazed by the blow, he hit me that hard.  We were good friends, so it wasn't that bad, but still.  WE are supposed to be raiding THEM, not the other way around.
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Johannixx

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #21 on: August 21, 2008, 03:16:26 AM »
I once helped to inadvertantly destroy a marching band's low brass section.

Our football team was packed up behind one of those big paper signs held up by cheerleaders.  The visiting team's band was still on the field, though they had been told repeatedly to make way for the football team.  Well, we couldn't see through the paper, and were hyperadrenalized anyway (first game of the season), so when someone yelled "GO!", we went.  I was first through the sign and saw the band milling around about five feet in front of me, and tried to stop, but the guys behind couldn't see and kept pushing.  I ended up being shoved into a trombonist, knocking us both down and bending his trombone in half.  One of the other linemen landed on a tuba player, got his facemask caught in the valves, and head-butted it until he ripped free.  All told, I think we destroyed about ten brass instruments.

Then we beat their football team by 1 point.

Bozwevial

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #22 on: August 21, 2008, 10:35:35 AM »
*winces*

As a marching band member myself, I have been in similar situations--though our water fight was a little more subdued. It took place during lunch and was organized, which really took most of the fun out of it.

Then again, one guy lined his truck's bed with plastic, filled it with water, and drove it onto the field as a makeshift pool.

dman11235

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #23 on: August 21, 2008, 02:34:49 PM »
Yeah, see ours was a tradition.  The seniors from last year that could and wanted to do it (i.e., all the cool ones) raided band camp during practice (not during a break...gotta be disruptive) on the....third day?  I think so.  It's always later rather than sooner, when the kids are more exhausted from the heat.

Ooh!  Another band story.  This time during a football game.  Hey Bob, bet your experience wasn't as mortifying as being put in time-out by the conductor.  Yeah.  It's that guy who knocked me on my butt from my previous story.

So, during the game when we didn't have to play (i.e., our team sucked and couldn't get a 1st down, let alone a touch down) the more lively bunch was throwing water bottle caps.  You know, flinging them with your fingers kind of like a frisbee?  Anyways, it was going on oblivious to Ewan, the head director.  He's a bit of a spoil sport, and doesn't want us throwing things like this.  So one of the sousas (waaaaay in the back) managed to hit him.  In the head.  At this time, Josh (we'll call him Josh) was back there with them.  Ewan went up there and did some talking (I was still in my section talking to other people, so I didn't hear it) and then Josh came back down, and they continued talking.  Josh wouldn't tell him who hit him.  So Josh was put in time-out.  I'm serious.  There's a set of steps that we use to get from the track to the stands, and during the game it's placed off to the side on the track.  He was told to go sit there and think about what he had done.  His story was that he didn't know who did it, btw, not that he wouldn't tell.  Yeah, everyone was laughing at him for days.

As a side note, during that same game, one of my friends who plays the euphonium (or, baritone, in this case) through a water bottle over his shoulder.  It was empty, and he didn't feel like holding on to it, so he just tossed it over the side of the bleachers.  It hit the assistant director in the head.  He's more cool though and was just confused at the water bottle falling from the sky.

Another side note, the director hated Josh since he was a freshman.  Hate's a bit strong, it's just that Josh put all of the concert and symphonic bands folders in the wrong slots (we have three concert bands: freshman, concert, and symphonic, and our music is kept in folders in some racks, organized by section and instrument, and placed in order by chair.  Two chairs usually share a folder).  He just moved them around.  That started it all.  If he wasn't so good at the trumpet he would have been kicked out a long time ago.  To my knowledge the only guy ever kicked out of band was kicked out because he wore an old army helmet that the student section always has instead of his normal helmet.  The student that usually wears the helmet was wearing the marching hat instead.
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fil kearney

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #24 on: August 21, 2008, 03:53:51 PM »
I ran headlong into a tetherball pole when I was 4.
cracked my glasses and knocked me stupid for half of recess.


I rode my bike off a cliff when I was 5. 
Fell nearly 20 feet, landed on my face, and the bike landed on top of me. 
I could hear the skin on my chin peel off as I picked myself up.
I have a beard now


I whizzed on an electric fence when I was 8. 
Not too embarassing, but the pain was unforgettable.


when I was 10, I got clotheslined on a different electric fence while running in a field. 
That was also incredibly painful.


when I was 28 I ran across a train crossroad (y'know.. where a train goes across the street). I was late to work, so I wanted to beat the train....I ran BEHIND the crossguard so I wouldn't be closelined when it dropped down... instead, the counterweight swung UP as I was passing by. 
So I'm running full tilt face first into a steel block the size of a small refrigerator.
I was stopped stone cold in my tracks, like the fucking wile e coyote from looney toons.


(quick follow up story)
I made it across the tracks fine, but after peeling my face off the counterweight, I stumbled the 2 blocks left to my place of work.  Along the way, one of my coworkers caught up with me and kinda just chit chatted with me while he smoked a cigarette heading into the 8 story building.  We head through the lobby to the elevator, and a few more people joined us on the way in.  I still was a bit woozy, but I'd be sitting down shortly, so I climbed into the elevator with the 4 other people. 
When the doors closed, I turned around and saw my reflection.

My face was COVERED in blood.
my cheekbone had been torn into and chipped by the rivets on the counterweight, and was just gushing blood into my beard... and no one said a fucking thing. 
"HOLY SHIT!" I said, and my smoking colleague simply replied, "yeah, you look pretty bad."
In the end; no need for stiches, but it took a few weeks for the bone to lock back in place right.  I've got one of those wierd birthmark moles on the location of the wound now... I guess to remind me. :p




Not really embarrassing so much, but I thought it would make you feel better, bobismy.

Johannixx

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #25 on: August 22, 2008, 12:53:51 AM »
I honestly felt bad for the band guys, having been a tuba and trombone player for several years in grade school, before I found football.

altpersona

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #26 on: August 22, 2008, 01:55:48 AM »
hmm, started a small forest fire... only a couple acres... we were throwing fireworks at a leaky gas line in a creek... ya, hind sight... the gas line was never a problem... we missed a three foot toss and the fire got big fast..

hit a telephone polls guy wire while riding my bike... that hurt..

flipped over my handle bars, face forward/down on the way to school on picture day, 5th grade i think...

once wore red underwear with white pants while doing volunteer work once... that was nearly traumatic.. surrounded by all my mothers coworkers...

called the cops on my self... awkward..

nope i got nothin in particular to top your panty situation..

when attending a sexual harassment training session my cohort and i (he is now a minister) were selected to be participants... bad choice... were hard to harass, but were good at making other uncomfortable...

oooo, wait, i did almost get divorced once... that involved some mortification.. that i'll skip the details and just say crow tastes terrible..

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AndyJames

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #27 on: August 22, 2008, 01:57:42 AM »
Red underwear + white pants = :nonono


Red underwear + white pants + guy = either :o or :clap

altpersona

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #28 on: August 22, 2008, 01:59:20 AM »
ya, turns out i can be quite stupid... given a chance..
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SorO_Lost

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #29 on: August 22, 2008, 02:16:42 AM »
I was reminded of Tim's experiences while hunting the other day, I forgot all about it until now.

I was in my fancy tree stand that consisted of a fallen tree and padding bored out of my mind wanting to shoot some nearby squirrels when I seen Tim walking across a section of a hay field. About five minutes later he was walking even faster back. Of course I had to ask what he was doing and his story was he had to take a crap but didn't want to leave it close to where he was hunting or the deer would smell it. So he left his area and did his business. When he went to wipe he looked up and seen an occupied tree stand above him so he stood up and walked off planning on wiping later. He claims he heard laughing behind him and I refused to stand near him for the rest of the day.
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BobismyRhino

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #30 on: August 22, 2008, 06:54:12 AM »
LOL

I have now learned that there was yet, another good outcome to me exposing myself: I got to hear all of these funny stories!  :lol

They're really brightening my month. Trust me, this month has sucked balls, and not in the good way.

People usually think that I've lost my mind. I haven't lost it, I know exactly where it is: the gutter.

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altpersona

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Re: One-up My Mortification
« Reply #31 on: August 22, 2008, 01:29:28 PM »
o, ya i for got, we are going to need pictures... :)
The goal of power is power. - idk
We are not descended from fearful men. - Murrow

The Final Countdown is now stuck in your head.

Anim-manga sux.