Author Topic: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature  (Read 149584 times)

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veekie

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #200 on: March 23, 2009, 11:03:42 PM »
Request Colossal++ version.
The mind transcends the body.
It's also a little cold because of that.
Please get it a blanket.

I wish I could read your mind,
I can barely read mine.

"Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. At 2:15, it begins rolling up characters."

[spoiler]
"Just what do you think the moon up in the sky is? Everyone sees that big, round shiny thing and thinks there must be something round up there, right? That's just silly. The truth is much more awesome than that. You can almost never see the real Moon, and its appearance is death to humans. You can only see the Moon when it's reflected in things. And the things it reflects in, like water or glass, can all be broken, right? Since the moon you see in the sky is just being reflected in the heavens, if you tear open the heavens it's easy to break it~"
-Ibuki Suika, on overkill

To sumbolaion diakoneto moi, basilisk ouranionon.
Epigenentheto, apoleia keraune hos timeis pteirei.
Hekatonkatis kai khiliakis astrapsato.
Khiliarkhou Astrape!
[/spoiler]

There is no higher price than 'free'.

"I won't die. I've been ordered not to die."

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #201 on: March 26, 2009, 01:14:04 PM »
Would rabbits have either scent or claws?

Prak, the Mad

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #202 on: March 26, 2009, 06:39:51 PM »
scent, yes, I believe so.
Claws, yeah, you can make a case for it, a bite as well.

Nanshork

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #203 on: March 26, 2009, 07:20:52 PM »
Yes on both.  Smell and hearing are the main senses of rabbits.  And rabbits have claws, that's what they burrow in the ground with and they can scratch the  :censored out of other animals when attacked.
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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #206 on: March 29, 2009, 12:46:19 PM »
Do they dig enough to have a small burrow speed?

Prak, the Mad

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #207 on: March 30, 2009, 12:04:50 AM »
probably a minor one.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #208 on: March 30, 2009, 12:02:08 PM »
Anyone got a clue how big the rabbit in that pic is?

veekie

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #209 on: March 30, 2009, 08:34:22 PM »
Given the buildings, you're going into Upper Krust size categories.1-2 steps above colossal.
The mind transcends the body.
It's also a little cold because of that.
Please get it a blanket.

I wish I could read your mind,
I can barely read mine.

"Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. At 2:15, it begins rolling up characters."

[spoiler]
"Just what do you think the moon up in the sky is? Everyone sees that big, round shiny thing and thinks there must be something round up there, right? That's just silly. The truth is much more awesome than that. You can almost never see the real Moon, and its appearance is death to humans. You can only see the Moon when it's reflected in things. And the things it reflects in, like water or glass, can all be broken, right? Since the moon you see in the sky is just being reflected in the heavens, if you tear open the heavens it's easy to break it~"
-Ibuki Suika, on overkill

To sumbolaion diakoneto moi, basilisk ouranionon.
Epigenentheto, apoleia keraune hos timeis pteirei.
Hekatonkatis kai khiliakis astrapsato.
Khiliarkhou Astrape!
[/spoiler]

There is no higher price than 'free'.

"I won't die. I've been ordered not to die."

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #210 on: April 02, 2009, 12:46:59 PM »
Okay I'm gonna give the Elder Dire Bunny a shot.  It wont be in the range of the pic, but it'll be big.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #211 on: April 04, 2009, 02:06:58 PM »
Thoughts on CR for the Elder Dire Bunny?

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #212 on: April 07, 2009, 12:55:19 PM »
How about CR 17 for the big'un?

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #213 on: April 10, 2009, 11:00:54 AM »
Dire Hare
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             8d8+36 (72 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                60 ft. (12 squares)
Armor Class:          17 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+15
Attack:               Claw +10 melee (1d8+5)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +10 melee (1d8+5) and 1 Bite +5 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Rake (1d8+5)
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Immune to Nausea, Scent, Scamper
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +9, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 20, Dex 16, Con 18, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills:               Jump +13, Listen +14, Spot +9
Feats:                Alertness, Fleet of Foot, Run
Environment:          Temperate Forests or Plains
Organization:         Solitary, or Pair
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          9-12 HD (Large), 13-16 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"PAW! PAW! Them hares is in the crops agin! Can we have Jugged Hare for dinner tonight if'n we get one?"

"They don't make jugs that big junior."



Dire Hares were an experiment in making crop animals, and an attempt to improve on the failed Dire Rabbit scheme.  They never do learn lessons well them wizards...

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Dire Hare hits with it's Claw Attack, it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it may Rake.

Rakes (Ex): In a Grapple the Dire Hare has 2 Rake Attacks +6 to hit doing 1d6+3 damage.

Immune to Nausea (Ex): Due to their odd digestive system, Hares cannot vomit, and so are immune to Nausea.

Scamper (Ex): If it wishes to flee a Dire Hare can temporarily increase it's Land Speed to 80 ft for (3+Constitution Modifier) rounds.  Once it Scampers it is Fatigued and may not scamper again until it has rested.

Skills: Dire Hares have a +8 Racial Bonus on Jump checks.  They also have a +4 Racial Bonus on Listen checks.

Combat: Bunnies are much like cats in that they prefer to grab hold and rake.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #214 on: April 13, 2009, 09:07:14 AM »
Dire Hamster
                      Small Animal
Hit Dice:             1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Burrow 20 ft., Climb 15 ft.
Armor Class:          13 (+1 Size, +1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-5
Attack:               Nibble +1 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack:          Nibble +1 melee (1d3-1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Wrasslin'
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Rubber Spine
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 13, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 8
Skills:               Climb +9, Escape Artist +9, Hide +6, Listen +6, Search +1, Spot +2
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Any Warm or Temperate except Aquatic or Marsh
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-50)
Challenge Rating:     1/3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Where the hell is that halfling with our dinner? Check the kitchen Bert."

10 minutes later

He's wrasslin' a 40 pound hamster over a carrot Bob."

"Friggin' hamsters...HEY PECK!! QUIT MESSIN' AROUND AND MAKE SOME FOOD ALREADY!"

Dire Hamsters are dangerous not in the traditional sense.  They aren't particularly powerful, but they breed quick, they always seem hungry, and a colony of them can wipe out a farm community pretty quick.

Wrasslin' (Ex) Hamsters love to wrestle over food or mates.  They may attempt a Grapple check without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Skills (Ex): Hamsters have a +4 Racial Bonus on Listen and Search checks.  They also have a +8 Racial Bonus on Climb and Escape Artist checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.  They may use their Strength or Dexterity Modifier for Climb Checks, whichever is better.

Rubber Spine (Ex): Hamsters subtract 10 feet from the distance of any fall before figuring up falling damage.

Combat: Hamsters will grapple opponents their own size or smaller, but generally flee other opponents unless their pups are threatened.

« Last Edit: April 14, 2009, 12:36:38 PM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #215 on: April 14, 2009, 12:47:55 PM »
Dire Guinea Pig
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             2d8 (9 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class:          13 (+1 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+1
Attack:               Nibble +2 melee (1d4)
Full Attack:          Nibble +2 melee (1d4)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 11, Dex 12, Con 11, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 8
Skills:               Hide +2, Jump +2,  Listen +8, Spot +2, Swim +8
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm or Temperate Plains
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-50)
Challenge Rating:     1/6
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Why is the ground rumbling?  What the hell is that squeaking noise?"


Dire Guinea Pigs are either the pets of odder than usual Giants, or livestock animals for smaller humanoid races who have been brave enough to steal them from giants and raise them on their own.  Few towns are insane enough to steal a Giants beluved pet, so quite frankly most of the humanoids you'll encounter raising these will be pretty freaky too.  Let's face it what kind of starving, inbred whackadoo steals the pets o something that can squish them without a second thought?

Skills: Guinea Pigs have a +4 Racial Bonus to Listen Checks, and a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim Checks.

Combat: Guinea Pigs run, they don't fight.  If they're cornered or defending their kids they'll put on a show, but they aren't really great combatants.

« Last Edit: April 17, 2009, 12:43:32 PM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #216 on: April 16, 2009, 09:16:33 AM »
Dire Giraffe
                      Huge Animal
Hit Dice:             18d8+90 (171 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          17 (-2 Size, +9 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +13/+31
Attack:               Head Butt +21 melee (2d8+10)
Full Attack:          1 Head Butt +21 melee (2d8+10) and 2 Stamps +16 melee (2d6+5)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Trample (2d8+20), Increased Reach
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +16, Ref +11, Will +7
Abilities:            Str 30, Dex 10, Con 20, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +13, Spot +14
Feats:                Alertness, Awesome Blow, Brutal Strike, Endurance, Improved Bull Rush, Power Attack, Run
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary, or Herd (4-12)
Challenge Rating:    9
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          19-27 HD (Huge), 28-36 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert?"

"Yeah Abner?"

"What the ____ is that?"

"Who cares! It's seen us! Run!

The Gods alone know where Dire Giraffe's came from.  Some people think of them as proof of a Divine sense of the absurd.  Or that maybe the Creators drop acid when no one is looking.  It would certainly explain the existence of other things like Ethereal Filchers.

Trample (Ex): DC 26 Reflex Save for half damage.

Increased Reach (Ex): Due to the length of it's neck and limbs the Giraffe has a range of 15'.

Combat: Dire Giraffe's are more interested in mating or chewing grass than anything else, but on occasion they get ahold of some rotten fruit thats been fermenting into alcohol and decide the small people things would be fun to run over.
« Last Edit: April 18, 2009, 11:56:04 AM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #217 on: April 17, 2009, 12:56:06 AM »
Why is dire guinea pig postd twice? ???

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #218 on: April 17, 2009, 12:42:22 PM »
I...do not know. I'll edit something else in there

Prak, the Mad

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #219 on: April 18, 2009, 11:12:03 PM »
well, I should be using some of these soon in a game, I'll let you know how they work.