Author Topic: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature  (Read 150477 times)

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Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #720 on: September 02, 2011, 01:46:29 AM »
I'd like to see a monstrous lollipop.
Wouldn't we all...  :rollseyes :love

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #721 on: September 02, 2011, 01:51:53 AM »
I'd like to see a monstrous lollipop. And all of these are great ^^

Monstrous as in possessed by Asmodeus, or just really huge?

mthor

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #722 on: September 02, 2011, 05:05:08 AM »
I'd like to see a monstrous lollipop. And all of these are great ^^

Monstrous as in possessed by Asmodeus, or just really huge?
Can I has both?
The god of thunder....... yeah I'm the hammer

Just ask yourself..... W.W.T.D  what would Thor do
mthor, look what you did. You made people on the internet argue. We all hate you with a fiery passion, now. :P

veekie

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #723 on: September 08, 2011, 05:25:07 PM »
The mind transcends the body.
It's also a little cold because of that.
Please get it a blanket.

I wish I could read your mind,
I can barely read mine.

"Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. At 2:15, it begins rolling up characters."

[spoiler]
"Just what do you think the moon up in the sky is? Everyone sees that big, round shiny thing and thinks there must be something round up there, right? That's just silly. The truth is much more awesome than that. You can almost never see the real Moon, and its appearance is death to humans. You can only see the Moon when it's reflected in things. And the things it reflects in, like water or glass, can all be broken, right? Since the moon you see in the sky is just being reflected in the heavens, if you tear open the heavens it's easy to break it~"
-Ibuki Suika, on overkill

To sumbolaion diakoneto moi, basilisk ouranionon.
Epigenentheto, apoleia keraune hos timeis pteirei.
Hekatonkatis kai khiliakis astrapsato.
Khiliarkhou Astrape!
[/spoiler]

There is no higher price than 'free'.

"I won't die. I've been ordered not to die."

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #724 on: September 09, 2011, 02:04:51 AM »
I'd like to see a monstrous lollipop. And all of these are great ^^

Monstrous as in possessed by Asmodeus, or just really huge?
Can I has both?

I'll give it a shot

Drammor

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #725 on: September 10, 2011, 07:01:14 AM »
Dire Beholder, please.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #726 on: September 11, 2011, 08:55:17 AM »
Dire or Epic?  :D

Drammor

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #727 on: September 11, 2011, 12:00:21 PM »
Just dire, not epic.

veekie

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #728 on: September 11, 2011, 06:41:36 PM »
Fractal Beholder.
The mind transcends the body.
It's also a little cold because of that.
Please get it a blanket.

I wish I could read your mind,
I can barely read mine.

"Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. At 2:15, it begins rolling up characters."

[spoiler]
"Just what do you think the moon up in the sky is? Everyone sees that big, round shiny thing and thinks there must be something round up there, right? That's just silly. The truth is much more awesome than that. You can almost never see the real Moon, and its appearance is death to humans. You can only see the Moon when it's reflected in things. And the things it reflects in, like water or glass, can all be broken, right? Since the moon you see in the sky is just being reflected in the heavens, if you tear open the heavens it's easy to break it~"
-Ibuki Suika, on overkill

To sumbolaion diakoneto moi, basilisk ouranionon.
Epigenentheto, apoleia keraune hos timeis pteirei.
Hekatonkatis kai khiliakis astrapsato.
Khiliarkhou Astrape!
[/spoiler]

There is no higher price than 'free'.

"I won't die. I've been ordered not to die."

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #729 on: September 13, 2011, 12:30:56 AM »
Crowolf
                      Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             2d10+4 (15 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (+3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+3
Attack:               Bite +3 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack:          Bite +3 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Peck
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +6, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 16, Con 15, Int 3, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills:               Hide +4, Listen +2, Move Silently +4, Spot +2, Survival +6
Feats:                Alertness, Track (B)
Environment:          Temperate Forest
Organization:         Solitary or Flock (8-16)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Medium) or by Character Class
Level Adjustment:     ---

"CAW!"

"Abner from now, I think I need to sit in on the contract negotiations."

Crowwolves are the usual magically created guardians gotten loose in the wilds.  You'd think mages would learn from past mistakes like the Owlbear, but each one seems to believe they can succeed where others have failed.  Which is why we also have the Dire Crowwolf...

Eye Peck (Ex): If the Crowwolf successfully attacks an opponent who is Prone, Stunned, Paralyzed, Denied their Dex Bonus to AC, or Flat-footed their opponent must make a 14 Reflex Save (Save is Dex based) or be permanently blinded in one eye until Regeneration or a similar spell is cast on them.  This ruins depth perception until healed giving a -2 penalty on all Ranged Attacks until healed, or until the other eye is destroyed at which point you are Blind.

Skills: Crowwolves get a +2 Racial Bonus on Survival Checks.

Combat: Crowwolves aren't much different from other wolves, except that with an Int of 3 they sometimes gain a level or two in Rogue or Scout, making them quite a bit more dangerous.




Dire Crowolf
                      Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             6d10+18 (46 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+17
Attack:               Bite +12 melee (1d8+10)
Full Attack:          Bite +12 melee (1d8+10)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Peck
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +8, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 16, Con 16, Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills:               Hide +5, Listen +3, Move Silently +5, Spot +3, Survival +7
Feats:               Alertness, Combat Reflexes, Run, Track (B)
Environment:        Temperate Forest
Organization:         Solitary or Flock (5-8)
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         7-12 HD (Large) or by Character Chass
Level Adjustment:     ---

Eye Peck (Ex): If the Crowwolf successfully attacks an opponent who is Prone, Stunned, Paralyzed, Denied their Dex Bonus to AC, or Flat-footed their opponent must make a 14 Reflex Save (Save is Dex based) or be permanently blinded in one eye until Regeneration or a similar spell is cast on them.  This ruins depth perception until healed giving a -2 penalty on all Ranged Attacks until healed, or until the other eye is destroyed at which point you are Blind.

Skills: Crowwolves get a +2 Racial Bonus on Survival Checks.

Combat: The Dire Crowwolf usually gains a level or so in a more martial class like Barbarian given it's size.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2011, 12:50:59 AM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #730 on: September 13, 2011, 12:45:24 AM »
Dire Owlbear
                      Huge Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             15d10+105 (160 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          19 (-2 Size, +1 Dex, +10 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +15/+33
Attack:               Claw +23 melee (2d6+10)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +23 melee (2d6+10) and 1 Bite +21 melee (2d6+5)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 120', Scent
Saves:                Fort +16, Ref +10, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 30, Dex 12, Con 25, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills:               Listen +12, Spot +12
Feats:                Alertness, Diehard, Endurance, Multiattack, Run, Track
Environment:          Temperate Forests
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          16-30 HD (Huge), 31-45 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"HOO!"

"My name is Abner."

As if Owlbears weren't bad enough a group of drunken mages decided one evening "Hey let's ____ with the local Druids and make giant ones, and release a horde of them to wipe things out so we can move in and take over to mine the ruins for artifacts without interference".  Then they sobered up.  Unfortunately the prototypes were not only successful, the mages were also arrogant enough to dismiss them as harmless, so hey turned them loose anyway.  They had approximately 1400 children within 5 years, and the incest common among their descendants has made them meaner and more disagreeable than ever.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Dire Owlbear successfully hits with it's Claw attack it can immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Combat: Die Owlbears attack on sight.  Tactics are pretty much *RAWR* grab, bash, bash, bash.  You get the idea.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2011, 12:52:23 AM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #731 on: September 13, 2011, 12:56:20 AM »
Bearmaid
                      Large Magical Beast (Aquatic, Amphibious)
Hit Dice:             4d10+12 (34 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Swim 40 ft.
Armor Class:          14 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+12
Attack:               Claw +7 melee (1d4+5)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +7 melee (1d4+5) and 1 Bite +2 melee (1d6+2)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Scent
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 20, Dex 13, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +4, Spot +4, Swim +14
Feats:                Alertness, Endurance
Environment:          Cold or Temperate Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary or Pair
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          5-10 HD (Large), 11-20 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert, I'm not happy bout this.  I was hopin' to go fishin' today."

Bearmaids were an attempt at creating aquatic bears, the Gods alone know what for.  Apparently the creator thought quite highly of bears, and assumed they were godless killing machines.  Bearmaids do not quite fit that description.  They have however wreaked havoc sometimes on ecologies they were introduced too.  Bearmaids appear to be large black bears with blue-grey scaly hides and fins, and a long fishlike tail.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Bearmaid successfully hits with it's Claw attack it can immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Skills: Bearmaids get a +8 Racial Bonus on Swim Checks, and can always Take 10 on a Swim Check.

Combat: Bearmaids tend to be ambush predators waiting in the water, opportunistic scavengers, and only occasionally hunters.  They are curious by nature, and it is possible to escape encounters with them without violence if they aren't hungry and you don't provoke them.

Drammor

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #732 on: September 13, 2011, 03:28:00 AM »
Although I don't mind the humor, I think more of your creations need real descriptions of what they look like.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #733 on: September 13, 2011, 07:04:38 AM »
That last bacth was a bunch of requests off GitP.  The requester knows what they look like, I just intended to edit in a description later (most of them should be obvious).

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #734 on: September 13, 2011, 09:09:22 AM »
                      Hamstower
                      Fine Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             1/2d10 (2 hp)
Initiative:           +7
Speed:                10 ft. (2 squares), Climb 5 ft., Burrow 5 ft.
Armor Class:          21 (+8 Size, +3 Dex), touch 21, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+13
Attack:               Nibble +11 melee touch (Attach)
Full Attack:          Nibble +11 melee touch (Attach)
Space/Reach:          0 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Nibble, OW!
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60'
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 1, Dex 16, Con 11, Int 5, Wis 14, Cha 14
Skills:               Balance +12, Climb +12, Hide +24, Move Silently +8, Swim +11
Feats:                Improved Initiative
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-100)
Challenge Rating:    
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Abner?? Abner wake up there's lil furry critters nibblin' on yer toes.."

"FOOM!"

"AAAIIIGH!"

Nibble (Ex): If the Hamstower hits with a melee Touch Attack, it attaches itself to it's opponent effectively Grappling it.  The Hamstower loses it's Dexterity Bonus to AC, but has a +12 Bonus to Grapple Checks (as well as ignoring Size/Strength penalties to Grapple Checks).  It can be struck with a weapon, or removed by pinning it in a Grapple.

OW! (Su):

Skills: Hamstowers have a +4 Racial Bonus on Hide and Move Silently Checks.  They also have a +8 Racial Bonus on Balance, Climb, and Swim Checks.  They may use their Dex instead of Str modifier for Climb and Swim Checks.  They can always choose to take 10 on Climb or Swim Checks. 

Combat:
« Last Edit: October 15, 2011, 10:29:20 AM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #735 on: September 13, 2011, 09:10:21 AM »
                      Lollipop Guardian
                      Colossal Construct
Hit Dice:             14d10+80 (157 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          21 (-8 Size, +1 Dex, +18 Natural), touch 3, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple:  +10/+38
Attack:               Hammer +14 melee (6d6+24)
Full Attack:          Hammer +14 melee (6d6+24)
Space/Reach:          30 ft./30 ft.
Special Attacks:      Hammer
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Construct traits, Blindsight 240'
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 35, Dex 12, Con -, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills:               -
Feats:                -
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:    
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         15-28 Hit Dice (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Abner...I have seen some damn fool things in my time...but I can't believe we signed on for this.."

This is pretty much exactly what it sounds like.   A malicious lollipop animated in a manner similar to Golems.  A lollipop the size of a T-Rex.  Maybe bigger.  A lollipop able to defy gravity by standing upwards on what would the stick you would hold it by, that can flip itself in mid air, crushing smaller man sized targets on the ground.  A fairly rare creature as the methods known to make it are known only to a small guild of candy obsessed mages who aren't speaking.

Hammer (Ex):

Combat:
« Last Edit: October 15, 2011, 10:30:04 AM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #736 on: September 13, 2011, 09:11:56 AM »
                      Lollipop, Possessed
                      Fine Outsider (Baatezu, Evil, Extraplanar, Lawful)
Hit Dice:             10d8+30 (75 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                0 ft. (0 squares)
Armor Class:          23 (+8 Size, +5 Profane), touch 23, flat-footed 23
Base Attack/Grapple:  +10/-
Attack:               -
Full Attack:          -
Space/Reach:          0 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eat Me, Poison Soul, Spellcasting
Special Qualities:    Blindsight 120', Immunities, Energy Resistance 10 (Acid and Cold), Telepathy 100', Damage Reduction 10/-, Spell Resistance 23, Blindsight 120'
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +7, Will +12
Abilities:            Str -, Dex -, Con 16, Int 20, Wis 20, Cha 20
Skills:               Bluff +22, Concentration +19, Diplomacy +22, Gather Information +22, Knowledge (any 2) +22, Listen +22, Search +22, Sense Motive +22, Spot +22
Feats:                
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:    
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Lawful Evil
Advancement:          11-20 HD (Fine)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"The sugar commands me to eat you..."

"Seriously?  This is what Devils have come to these days?"

In their efforts to seduce the mortal races into pacts the Devil's have hit upon a new idea: Possessed candy.  Instead of signing lengthy contracts in blood mortals are compelled to lick the possessed lollipop and take the power it offers in exchange for their soul.  Unfortunately it hasn't gotten them many powerful souls.  Mostly children and teenage girls with daddy issues.  But you gotta give 'em credit for trying.

Eat Me (Su):

Poison Soul (Su:

Spellcasting: Lollipops may cast spells as a Beguiler whose Level is half their Hit Dice.

Immunities:

Combat:
« Last Edit: October 15, 2011, 10:32:44 AM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #737 on: September 13, 2011, 09:12:40 AM »
                      Dire Beholder
                      Gargantuan Abomination
Hit Dice:             34d8+272 (425 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                Fly 40 ft. (8 squares), Good
Armor Class:          25 (-4 Size, +1 Dex, +18 Natural), touch 7, flat-footed 24
Base Attack/Grapple:  +25/+45
Attack:               Eye Rays +22 ranged touch and 1 Bite +24 melee (3d6+8)
Full Attack:          Eye Rays +22 ranged touch and 1 Bite +24 melee (3d6+8)
Space/Reach:          20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Rays
Special Qualities:    All-Around Vision, Anti-Magic Blast, Darkvision 120', Flight
Saves:                Fort +19, Ref +12, Will +23
Abilities:            Str 26, Dex 13, Con 26, Int 14, Wis 18, Cha 24
Skills:               Intimidate, Knowledge (Arcana), Listen, Search, Spot, Survival
Feats:                
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:    
Treasure:             Double Standard
Alignment:            Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement:          35-50 HD (Gargantuan), 51-75 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---

Eye Rays (Su): Each of a Dire Beholders 16 eye rays resembles a spell cast by a 20th Level Caster.  They have a range of 240', and require a DC 34 Saving Throw if they successfully hit (Save DC is Charisma Based).

Eye 1: Targets must make a Will Save or be affected as if a Dominate Spell were cast on him. 

Eye 2: Target must make a Fortitude Save or be affected as if a Disintegrate spell were cast on him.

Eye 3: Target must make a Will Save or be affected as if a Symbol of Fear Spell were cast on him.

Eye 4: Target with 101 hp or less dies as if a Power Word Kill spell were cast on him.  Can only be used every 1d4 rounds.

Eye 5: Target must make a Fortitude Save or be affected as if a Flesh to Stone spell were cast on him.

Eye 6: Target must make a Fortitude Save or be affected as if a Destruction spell were cast on him.

Eye 7: The Beholder can use this ray to effectively cast Telekinesis at will.

Eye 8: Target must make a Will Save or be affected as if a Symbol of Sleep Spell were cast on him.

Eye 9:

Eye 10:

Eye 11:

Eye 12:

Eye 13:

Eye 14:

Eye 15:

Eye 16:

All-Around Vision (Ex): The Beholders eyes give it a +4 racial bonus on Spot and Search checks, and they cannot be flanked.

Anti-Magic Blast:

Flight (Ex): A Beholders body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat:
« Last Edit: October 15, 2011, 10:49:17 AM by bhu »

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #738 on: September 13, 2011, 09:13:35 AM »
                     http://kestalusrealm.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/aye_of_the_beholder.jpg?w=468&h=468

Fractal Beholder
                      Large Outsider (Evil, Extraplanar, Lawful, Incorporeal)
Hit Dice:             13d8+39 (97 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                Fly 60 ft. (12 squares), Perfect
Armor Class:          26 (-1 Size, +4 Dex, +13 Deflection), touch 26, flat-footed 22
Base Attack/Grapple:  +9/-
Attack:               Eye Rays +12 Ranged Touch (effect varies)
Full Attack:          Eye Rays +12 Ranged Touch (effect varies)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Rays
Special Qualities:    All-Around Vision, Darkvision 120', Flight, Incorporeal traits, Immunities, Spell Resistance x
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +8, Will +11
Abilities:            Str -, Dex 18, Con 16, Int 18, Wis 16, Cha 15
Skills:              Concentration, Hide, Knowledge (Arcana, The Planes), Listen, Search, Spot
Feats:                
Environment:          The Far Realms
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:    
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Varies considerably, but never Good
Advancement:          14-26 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

Eye Rays (Su):

All-Around Vision (Ex): The Beholders eyes give it a +4 racial bonus on Spot and Search checks, and they cannot be flanked.

Immunities:

]Flight (Ex): A Beholders body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat:
« Last Edit: October 15, 2011, 10:52:40 AM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #739 on: September 16, 2011, 09:59:45 AM »
Okay beginning all your requests now.

If anyone wants to have input on the lolipops or hamstower now is time

Drammor you want Dire Beholder to be tougher beholder or more unusual?

Veekie: thoughts n what you'd like fractal beholder to do?