Author Topic: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature  (Read 148428 times)

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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #580 on: June 27, 2010, 12:16:21 AM »
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milton_lizard

http://unusualkentucky.blogspot.com/2008/10/milton-lizard.html

Milton Lizard
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             6d8+18 (45 hp)
Initiative:           +7
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          16 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+11
Attack:               Bite +6 melee (2d6+4)
Full Attack:          Bite +6 melee (2d6+4)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision,
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +7, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 16, Dex 14, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills:               Climb +3, Hide +1, Listen +3, Move Silently +4, Spot +3
Feats:                Alertness, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative
Environment:          Temperate Plains or Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Avoid the local junkyards man.  There's some messed up stuff in the junkyards."

The Milton lizard is a 15 foot lizard like cryptid from Kentucky.

Combat:  The Milton Lizard doesn't seem terribly combative given it's size, but it could potentially be devastating if cornered.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #581 on: June 29, 2010, 04:40:16 AM »
DANUBANS (aka The Fat Bastards)


   
"What did you call me?"

 The Danubans are enormously fat humans.  The males tend to be bearded with dark hair and eyes, and the hair/eye color of women varies (though brunettes and blonds are common).

DANUBAN RACIAL TRAITS
·   Males: +2 Int, +4 Wis, -2 Dex, -2 Con, -2 Cha  Females: +2 Str, +2 Wis, -2 Dex, -2 Con
·   Medium
·   Humanoid (Human)
·   Base Land speed 20'
·   Thick Boned: The Danubans Constitution is considered 4 points higher for purposes of determining hit points only.
·   Biggie Sized: The Danubans are considered to be Large for purposes of Opposed Combat Checks (Grapple, Bull Rush, etc), but take a -1 Penalty to Dexterity Based skills due to awkwardness.
·   Damage Reduction 2/-.  This stacks with similar DR gained from Class abilities such as Barbarian.
·   Automatic Languages: Common.  Bonus Languages: Bonus languages generally depend on who or what lives nearby.
·   Level Adjustment:
·   Favored Class: Any Class with Full BAB if female, or any casting class based off of Int if male.

STARTING AGE
 Adulthood: 14
 Barbarian, Rogue, Sorcerer: +1d4
 Bard, Fighter, Paladin, Ranger: +1d6
 Cleric, Druid, Monk, Wizard: +2d6

AGING EFFECTS
 Middle Age: 30
 Old: 45
 Venerable: 60
 Maximum Age: +2d10 years

HEIGHT AND WEIGHT
 Base Height: Male: 4'10" Female: 4'5"
 Height Modifier: +2d10"
 Base Weight: Male: 200 lbs.  Female: 150 lbs.
 Weight Modifier: (x2d6) lbs.

DANUBAN CHARACTERS
 If you'd like an arcane caster a little more durable than usual, a male Danuban works.  And if you want a big ole fighting tank their women are slow but tuff.
 Adventuring Race: For the Danubans it's generally about pride, glory, greed, or the need for revenge.  They aren't nicknamed the Fat Bastards for nothing.
 Character Development: Remember you are somewhat slower than other Medium races and to take that into account in builds.  Also keep in mind your penalties to Dex based skills when designing your PC.
 Character Names: Use Austrian or German names for Danubans.

ROLEPLAYING A DANUBAN
 Your race has a reputation for being petty, snide, sarcastic, and generally antisocial.  And that's because you are.  It's ingrained in your races psyche.  You don't mean it as personally as some people think (well, some of you don't) but most people take it that way.  Possibly because they haven't grown up in a culture as competitive and aggressive as your own.
 Personality: Danubans believe in personal success and social reputation strongly (some would say above all else).  So they tend to take personal attacks quite strongly, and they have a strong vengeful streak.  Stealing from one or denying them an opportunity is generally not advised as they will devote their lives to destroying you.
 Behaviors: Danubans spend much of their time either working to get ahead, or networking in their time off.  Every moment is an opportunity for something.  Either a way to gain favor, or allies, or wealth, or power.  Not taking that opportunity is considered a possible sign of mental deficiency amongst them.
 Language: Danubans generally speak Common.

DANUBAN SOCIETY
 Danubans are highly competitive.  They always want to be seen as first among others, either the richest, or the most powerful, or the strongest in some way.  They do not rest until they have proved themselves to be better than those around them.  Their take no prisoners attitude doesn't exactly make them friends in many places.
 Alignment : Danubans are largely Lawful, as a system of rules in place gives them a system to exploit for their own gain (meaning they also have some tendencies towards Evil, though not as strongly as some may believe).
 Lands : Most Danubans live in Danubus (at least in my campaign).
 Settlements : Often being merchants or in other professions where serious money is to be made, Danubans tend to settle along major trade routes.
 Beliefs : The Danubans tend to worship the Professional Pantheon, and whatever other Gods are popular locally in order to get more business.
 Relations: Danubans look upon other races with equal measures of disdain, and thoughts of opportunity.  On the one hand they're annoying and get in the way.  On the other hand they can mean money and power. 

DANUBAN ADVENTURES
·   The leader of your Guild has announced a contest for promotion.  Whichever of you can bring the most money in by whatever means gets it.  And you just happen to know where a large repository of cash is being guarded.  Now if only you had 3 or more larcenous minded friends to help you liberate it...
·   You were going to be made partner in a local Merchants collective, until someone black balled you.  They must be made to pay.  And the collective as well.  Hell you may as well burn the city while you're at this.
·   A relative wants you to field test some of his latest inventions.  You think the lightweight Plate Mail will be nice, but the Monkey Launcher makes you nervous...




DANUBAN RACIAL SUBSTITUTION LEVELS


BARBARIAN
 Level 1: Replace Fast Movement and Illiteracy with Immovable.
  Immovable (Ex):  You gain a +4 Circumstance Bonus to resist Bull Rush, Grapple, Overrun, and Trip Checks.
 Levels 3, 6, 9, 12, and 15: Replace Trap Sense with Heavy Armor Optimization
  Heavy Armor Optimization (Ex): You gain proficiency with Heavy Armor at Level 3.  At levels 6, 9, 12, and 15 the Armor Check Penalty you suffer when wearing Heavy Armor is lessened by 1.

Wizard
 Level 1: Replace Summon Familiar with Arrogant Prick
  Arrogant Prick (Su): Being quite full of yourself you have an absolute certainty your spells will work.  Once per encounter if your opponent successfully Saves against a spell you cast you can make him re roll that Save, but must stick with the new result.

CLERIC
 Level 1: Replace Turn or Rebuke Undead with
  Ability (Ex):





DANUBAN FEATS


Unstoppable Force
des
 Prerequisites: Danuban
 Benefits:

Immovable Object
des
 Prerequisites: Danuban
 Benefits:

Throwing Your Weight Around
des
 Prerequisites: Danuban
 Benefits:

Weighty Words
des
 Prerequisites: Danuban
 Benefits:

Weighty Matters
des
 Prerequisites: Danuban
 Benefits:

Weighty Secrets
des
 Prerequisites: Danuban
 Benefits:

Weighty Decision
des
 Prerequisites: Danuban
 Benefits:

Weighty Tomes
des
 Prerequisites: Danuban
 Benefits:
« Last Edit: September 21, 2010, 08:44:51 AM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #582 on: June 29, 2010, 05:43:41 AM »
What be this?

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #583 on: June 29, 2010, 07:53:07 AM »
Something with a racial Vile Deformity (Obesity) perhaps?

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #584 on: June 29, 2010, 10:17:13 PM »
What be this?

Variant human for mah Silly Campaign :D

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #585 on: July 05, 2010, 03:57:59 AM »
Danuban is updated

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #586 on: July 05, 2010, 01:06:26 PM »
Does this have something to do with the Danube, Bavarians and Austrians? Just asking because I'm Viennese. And (technically) underweight. :P
It's all about vision and making reality conform to your vision. By dropping a fucking house on it.

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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #587 on: July 05, 2010, 02:13:16 PM »
They'll be talking with a germanish/bavarian accent, and peeking at a map that was the biggest landmark I found nearby to name them after  :blush

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #588 on: July 05, 2010, 02:34:21 PM »
They'll be talking with a germanish/bavarian accent, and peeking at a map that was the biggest landmark I found nearby to name them after  :blush
You are, of course, aware, that Bavaria and the rest of Germany have pretty different accents? Most of Germany has a classic German accent which I can't really describe but any Austrian will recognize as "Piefkisch" (Piefke being an insulting word for a German - we love our neighbors and they love us back). Bavaria is pretty much like Austria, including the dialect/accent, except it's part of Germany. And now you know. It probably didn't help you at all, but you know, and that's what counts.

Yeah, we're picky about this ever since WW II. :P
It's all about vision and making reality conform to your vision. By dropping a fucking house on it.

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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #589 on: July 05, 2010, 05:22:14 PM »

Yeah, we're picky about this ever since WW II. :P

This explains why the Germans I know are o pissed that the stereotype of Germans in the states are instead Bavarian (or at least so they claim).

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #590 on: July 05, 2010, 05:32:53 PM »

Yeah, we're picky about this ever since WW II. :P

This explains why the Germans I know are o pissed that the stereotype of Germans in the states are instead Bavarian (or at least so they claim).
Oktoberfest and traditional alpine dresses are mostly a Bavarian/Austrian thing, yes, as is excessive consumption of beer and sausage at all opportunities (the rest of Germany also consumes them, but Bavaria is stereotyped for it even around here).
It's all about vision and making reality conform to your vision. By dropping a fucking house on it.

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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #591 on: July 05, 2010, 08:34:07 PM »
http://www.schmidthaus.com/

Theres a place about a half hour from me that famous for beer and sausage.  They do a ton of business each Oktoberfest.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #592 on: July 23, 2010, 07:06:08 AM »
Danubans have their racial sub levels, got some of the Guppy Feats up

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a78/Cyanide_Soul/wtf.jpg

                      Psychic Parasite
                      Tiny Aberration (Psionic)
Hit Dice:             1d8+2 (6 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                15 ft. (3 squares), Climb 15 ft.Swim 15 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+2 Size, +2 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-12
Attack:               Feed +4 melee touch (Feed)
Full Attack:          Feed +4 melee touch (Feed)
Space/Reach:          2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Feed, Psi-like Abilities
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60'
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +2, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 3, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 18, Cha 2
Skills:               Climb +10, Concentration +4, Hide +10, Listen +4, Move Silently +4, Spot +4, Swim +10
Feats:               Weapon Finesse
Environment:          The Far Realms
Organization:         Solitary or Swarm (10-20)
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:    ---


"Bert...wake up Bert..."

Sighs "Whut Abner?"

"What the hell is that on Bob's head?"

"HOLY (beeeeep)! BOB! WAKE UP BOB!  YOU GOT A BRAIN SQUID!"

Psychic Parasites are pests of the Far Realms who feed on the energy of psionically aware individuals (and sometimes on the mental energy of not so aware individuals).  Even worse the more they feed the smarter they get temporarily, so they can be quite annoying to get rid of once they've infested an area.  Fortunately they rarely escape the Far Realms, but they're a major pain if they do.

Feed (Su): With a successful melee touch attack a Psychic Parasite can feed on it's victims mental energy.  If it's opponent is Psionic and fails a DC 14 Willpower Save (Save DC is Wisdom based) he loses 1d6 power points, and the Save DC of the feed ability increases by 1 for the next hour (multiple successful Feed attempts result in cumulative bonuses to the Save DC.  For every 5 power points the Parasite drains it gains 1 Int or 1 Wisdom (it's choice) for 1 hour.  If the opponent is not Psionic, 2 successful Feed attempts drain 1 point of Intelligence, and the Parasite gains that point for 1 hour.

Psi-Like Abilities (Ps): The Psychic Parasite may use the following powers as Psilike abilities (Manifester Level is 3rd):

At will: Detect Psionics, Psionic Daze
3/day: Energy Emanation

Skills: Psychic Parasites get a +8 to Climb and Swim Checks, and may Always Take 10 on Climb or Swim Checks.  They may also use their Dex Modifier instead of their Str Modifier for these skills.

Combat: Psychic Parasites initially target Psionic individuals.  If there are none they prefer easy prey (i.e. no magical abilities or tough defenses), and they take a quick snack before fleeing.  Against Psionics they tend to wait for them to sleep before sneaking in to feed.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #593 on: August 12, 2010, 09:19:36 AM »
I know it's been a while, but I'm finishing up some requests I promised people and then I'll get more critters up.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #594 on: August 20, 2010, 09:09:48 AM »
PEGATAUR


   
"Are you implying because of my Elven heritage that I can't hold my liquor?"

 Pegataurs are similar to Centaurs except that being a mix of humans and horses they are a mix of Elves and Pegasus.

PEGATAUR RACIAL TRAITS
·   +8 Str, +4 Dex, +4 Con
·   Size Class: Large (Long). -1 Size Penalty to Armor Class and Attack Rolls. -4 Size Penalty to Hide Checks.  +4 Size Bonus to Bull Rush, Grapple, Overrun, and Trip Checks.  Lifting and Carrying Limits are Double those of a Medium character.  Space is 10', Reach is 5'.
·   Type: Monstrous Humanoid, giving them 60 ft. Darkvision
·   Base land speed 50 ft.
·   Fly speed 90 ft. (Average)
·   +3 Natural Armor Bonus
·   Pegataurs have a Primary Natural Hoof Attack doing 1d6 plus Strength Modifier.  They get two Hoof Attacks when making a Full Attack.
·   A Pegataur has 4 Racial Hit Dice, giving it the following: 4d8 Hit Points, +4 base Attack Bonus, +1 Fort Save, +4 Ref Save, +4 Will Save, and (2 + Int modifier) skill points per level (with times 4 skill points for the first level).  Class skills are Listen, Move Silently, Spot, Survival. It also gets 2 Feats.
.            Non Humanoid Form: The Pegataurs are non humanoid in form.  Being quadrupedal they have three times the normal carrying limits, get a +4 Racial Bonus to Bull Rush and Overrun Checks, as well as a +4 Racial Bonus to resist Trip attempts.  Armor you buy is 4 times the normal cost and twice the normal weight.
·   Automatic and Bonus Languages: Pegataurs automatically speak Common, Elven, and Sylvan.  Bonus languages: Auran.
·   Level Adjustment: +3
·   Favored Class: Barbarian, Druid, or Spirit Shaman

STARTING AGE
 Adulthood: 30
 Barbarian, Rogue, Sorcerer: +2d6
 Bard, Fighter, Paladin, Ranger: +4d6
 Cleric, Druid, Monk, Wizard: +6d6

AGING EFFECTS
 Middle Age: 75
 Old: 112
 Venerable: 150
 Maximum Age: +3d% years

HEIGHT AND WEIGHT
 Base Height: Male: 6'5" Female: 6'2"
 Height Modifier: + 2d6"
 Base Weight: Male: 2050 lbs.   Female: 1900 lbs.
 Weight Modifier: x (4d6) lbs.

PEGATAUR CHARACTERS
 If you want a character that's big, physically tough, can fly, and yet still looks perversely Elven, the Pegataur is a decent choice.  They also tend to be great if you like playing loud drunks.
 Adventuring Race: Pegataurs often go on adventure as rites of passage, to gain glory or win the hand of a member of the opposite sex, to help the tribe, or just to earn money as mercenaries.
 Character Development: If you go the martial route, make sure to get the most out of your ability to fly (especially if you decide to be a charger).  While many Pegataurs have an inclination towards the Shamanistic or Druidic paths, without a Bonus to Wis/Cha they will need to put a high stat in that slot(s).  Not optimal.
 Character Names: Pegataurs usually use Elven names.

ROLEPLAYING A PEGATAUR
 As a Pegataur you tend to be quite exotic, but standoffish (which will ironically only make the land critters more attracted to you).  You're also good in a fight, so people also want to make sure you get involved on their side anytime there is one.  Typical, really. 
 Personality: Pegataurs don't like people they don't know, and things they don't understand.  Even to some of their lifelong friends of other races can rarely say "I knew him well".  On the good side they're no less eager to help when bad things go down, and can always be counted on to keep their word (unless they think you've betrayed them).
 Behaviors: Pegataurs seem like normal loud, boisterous Barbarians among their own.  They need a sense of humor and community to get by in the harsh climes in which they live.  But among others they tend to clam up, and keep to themselves.
 Language: Pegataurs use the Elven and Sylvan tongues.

PEGATAUR SOCIETY
 Pegataurs are a Clan based society with individual tribes being lead by members of the Clans family, and a council of Druids, Shamans, and elders.  The punishment for severe infractions of the law is exile (it usually leads to death). 
 Alignment : Pegataurs have a strong tendency towards Neutrality and Good, with a substantial minority attracted to Chaos as well. 
 Lands : Pegataurs normally live in high mountain ranges to keep the bad guys away. 
 Settlements : If forced to settle elsewhere or to leave their lands the Pegataurs generally prefer other mountains, or at least hilly plateaus.  Somewhere that's easily defensible against land dwellers.
 Beliefs : In my Campaign the Pegataurs worship the Nature Pantheon.  In other worlds they will tend towards Fey or wilderness deities.
 Relations: Pegataurs are pretty aloof due to leading pretty severe lives of subsistence hunting.  They like the Pegasus and the Elves, and some of the Fey, but they are distant even among them feeling the other Sylvan races don't understand them. 

PEGATAUR ADVENTURES
·   The woman you love, Flower, insists she will marry no man who hasn't proved himself as a warrior on his own outside the tribe.  So now you find yourself with these other three vagabonds of varying race and skill trekking along a dirt road to save a village of potato farmers a horrifying dragon that will probably turn out to be a rather large lizard.  Love sucks.
·   The tribe's crops are having problems, and you aren't sure why.  The village has dispatched you to find outside help, and quite frankly you have no idea where to start.
·   A flock of Roc's has taken up residence in your mountains and every available male (as well as outside help) is required to fight them.  Today is the first day you regret being born without bosoms...



PEGATAUR FEATS


Feat
des
 Prerequisites: Pegataur,
 Benefits:

Feat
des
 Prerequisites: Pegataur,
 Benefits:

Feat
des
 Prerequisites: Pegataur,
 Benefits:

Feat
des
 Prerequisites: Pegataur,
 Benefits:

Feat
des
 Prerequisites: Pegataur,
 Benefits:

Feat
des
 Prerequisites: Pegataur,
 Benefits:

Feat
des
 Prerequisites: Pegataur,
 Benefits:

Feat
des
 Prerequisites: Pegataur,
 Benefits:
« Last Edit: September 30, 2010, 07:49:21 AM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #595 on: August 21, 2010, 01:16:06 AM »
So, the infamous pegataur, we meet at last.

jojolagger

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #596 on: August 21, 2010, 01:30:07 AM »
So, the infamous pegataur, we meet at last.
as soon as something other than just the template is put up.
Countdown to Zombie Apocalypse 97
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Quotes [spoiler]
In other words, he thinks there's a "correct" way to play D&D.  *sigh*
There is: Kill shit and loot the corpse!
When you use a tool the way it was designed for -- its intended function -- then it will work very well for you.

But it's not the tool's fault if you use it for something else and you fail utterly, such as trying to eat cereal with a butterknife, pounding nails with a screwdriver, blogging to voice your political opinions, and brushing your teeth with a hammer.
[/spoiler]

veekie

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #597 on: August 21, 2010, 10:26:27 AM »
What do you call a Unicorn + Pegasus + Centaur + Nightmare?
The mind transcends the body.
It's also a little cold because of that.
Please get it a blanket.

I wish I could read your mind,
I can barely read mine.

"Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. At 2:15, it begins rolling up characters."

[spoiler]
"Just what do you think the moon up in the sky is? Everyone sees that big, round shiny thing and thinks there must be something round up there, right? That's just silly. The truth is much more awesome than that. You can almost never see the real Moon, and its appearance is death to humans. You can only see the Moon when it's reflected in things. And the things it reflects in, like water or glass, can all be broken, right? Since the moon you see in the sky is just being reflected in the heavens, if you tear open the heavens it's easy to break it~"
-Ibuki Suika, on overkill

To sumbolaion diakoneto moi, basilisk ouranionon.
Epigenentheto, apoleia keraune hos timeis pteirei.
Hekatonkatis kai khiliakis astrapsato.
Khiliarkhou Astrape!
[/spoiler]

There is no higher price than 'free'.

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Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #598 on: August 21, 2010, 11:56:40 PM »
My family reunion.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #599 on: August 25, 2010, 09:56:29 AM »
I take it no one here ever played in Mystara?