Author Topic: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature  (Read 149297 times)

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jojolagger

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #560 on: May 28, 2010, 04:36:18 AM »
this would be the only site allowing me to post that  :smirk
Pet Tentacle Monster
I repeat my above statement. :smirk
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Quotes [spoiler]
In other words, he thinks there's a "correct" way to play D&D.  *sigh*
There is: Kill shit and loot the corpse!
When you use a tool the way it was designed for -- its intended function -- then it will work very well for you.

But it's not the tool's fault if you use it for something else and you fail utterly, such as trying to eat cereal with a butterknife, pounding nails with a screwdriver, blogging to voice your political opinions, and brushing your teeth with a hammer.
[/spoiler]

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #561 on: May 31, 2010, 05:55:42 AM »
Rainbow Butt Monkey
                      Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             5d8+10 (32 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+5
Attack:               Slam +6 melee (1d4+2)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +6 melee (1d4+2) and 1 Bite +1 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Rainbows, Improved Grab
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Immunities
Saves:                Fort +6, Ref +7, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 15, Dex 16, Con 14, Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 12
Skills:               Balance +7, Climb +10, Listen +4, Spot +4
Feats:                Ability Focus (Rainbows), Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Troupe (4-8)
Challenge Rating:  5 
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          6-10 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...am I imagining things...or are there lights shining from that monkeys nether regions?"

"Best we not think too much about it and just keep moving Abner..."

Rainbow Butt Monkeys appear to be normal Mandrills, however their nether regions are a reflective mother of pearl color.  At will they can cause htem to sparkle with all the colors of the rainbow, fascinating potential victims while their brother monkeys sneak up on them from behind.  No one's sure if the effect is magical or people just tend to stare thinking "wtf?".

Rainbows (Su): The Rainbow Butt Monkeys can cast Color Spray at will and Rainbow Pattern 3 times a day as Supernatural Abilities.

Improved Grab (Ex): Rainbow Butt Monkeys can make Grapple Checks without provoking Attacks of Opportunity.

Immunities: Rainbow Butt Monkeys are immune to being Dazed, Stunned, Confused, or Mind-Affecting Effects.  They also receive a +4 Racial Bonus on Saving Throws against all spells from the Enchantment or Illusion schools.

Skills: Rainbow Butt Monkeys get a +8 Racial Bonus on Climb Checks, and may Always Take 10 on a Climb Check.

Combat:  Rainbow Butt Monkeys tend to have one or two of their number distract prey with their radiant cheeks while the rest ambush them after they become blinded or fascinated.

« Last Edit: June 04, 2010, 05:22:22 AM by bhu »

jojolagger

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #562 on: May 31, 2010, 06:01:44 AM »
 :embarrassed I was half joking. The name just seemed to fit right in.
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When you see this, copy it into your sig and -1
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Quotes [spoiler]
In other words, he thinks there's a "correct" way to play D&D.  *sigh*
There is: Kill shit and loot the corpse!
When you use a tool the way it was designed for -- its intended function -- then it will work very well for you.

But it's not the tool's fault if you use it for something else and you fail utterly, such as trying to eat cereal with a butterknife, pounding nails with a screwdriver, blogging to voice your political opinions, and brushing your teeth with a hammer.
[/spoiler]

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #563 on: June 01, 2010, 01:47:20 AM »
Well, I think I just may kill myself. Thank you, rainbow butt monkeys.  :rollseyes

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #564 on: June 01, 2010, 05:27:25 PM »
http://faculty.ucr.edu/~chappell/INW/polar%20regions/lemming.jpg

Voracious Lemming
Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1/2d10 (2 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 20 ft (4 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class: 14 (+2 Size, +2 Dex), touch 14, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-11
Attack: Nibble +3 melee (1d2-4)
Full Attack: Nibble +3 melee (1d2-4)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Munching
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Scent
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities: Str 3, Dex 15, Con 11, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 4
Skills: Climb +4, Hide +10, Listen +3, Move Silently +6, Spot +3
Feats: Alertness, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 1/4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: See below
Level Adjustment: -----

”BERT!!! DON'T FEED THA LIL' MOUSE CRITTERS!”

Voracious Lemmings appear for all intents and purposes to be normal Lemmings.  In other words, small furry rodent beasts.  This should be your first clue to start smashing them.  Seriously.  Especially before they get to the grain supplies.  Or any other food supplies for that matter.  Magical Beasts, the Voracious Lemmings can eat any amount of food and never seem to not be hungry.  In fact the more they eat, the bigger they get.  They aren't encountered very often, which has led to the belief that they are a bizarre magical mutation cause by unknown circumstances, or a vengeful madman who is beyond the understanding of other people.  After all if you wanted revenge this seems to be an odd and roundabout way...

Even worse the Lemmings seem to gain intelligence with size, and the bigger they get the more they seem to understand basic tactics.  Meaning the bigger they get, the harder it is to trap them.  The best idea really is to kill them before they get too big.  Eventually they can understand Common but not speak it.

Munching (Ex): The Voracious Lemming weighs one pound, and can eat approximately a half pound of food per round.  It converts half of that food to body mass, and upon reaching 9 pounds it becomes a Small Voracious Lemming.  It can eat virtually any organic matter without harm, and receives a +8 Racial Bonus against ingested poisons and disease.

Skills: Voracious Lemmings receive a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.

Combat: Voracious Lemmings generally avoid too much fighting until they get their Swallow Whole ability, which they will try to use at their earliest opportunity.  At larger sizes they will rely on intimidation and their large size.  At their biggest they even have a sense of rudimentary tactics.


-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voracious Lemming
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d10+1 (6 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 25 ft (5 squares), Climb 25 ft.
Armor Class: 13 (+1 Size, +2 Dex), touch 13, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-4
Attack: Nibble +3 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack: Nibble +3 melee (1d3-1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Munching
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Scent
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities: Str 8, Dex 15, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 6
Skills: Climb +7, Hide +6, Listen +3, Move Silently +6, Spot +3
Feats: Alertness, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 1/3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: See below
Level Adjustment: -----


Munching (Ex): The Voracious Lemming weighs 9 pounds, and can eat approximately a pound of food per round.  It converts half of that food to body mass, and upon reaching 30 pounds it gains another Hit Die, and when it reaches 61 pounds it becomes a Medium Voracious Lemming.  It can eat virtually any organic matter without harm, and receives a +8 Racial Bonus against ingested poisons and disease.

Skills: Voracious Lemmings receive a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voracious Lemming
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 3d10+6 (22 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft (6 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class: 13 (+1 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+4
Attack: Nibble +4 melee (1d4+1)
Full Attack: Nibble +4 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Munching, Improved Grab, Swallow Whole
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Scent
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +3
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 13, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 8
Skills: Climb +9, Hide +4, Listen +4, Move Silently +4, Spot +4
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: See below
Level Adjustment: -----

Munching (Ex): The Voracious Lemming weighs 61 pounds, and can eat approximately 4 pounds of food per round.  It converts half of that food to body mass, and upon reaching 207 pounds it gains another Hit Die, at 353 pounds it gains a second Hit Die, and when it reaches 501 pounds it becomes a Large Voracious Lemming.  It can eat virtually any organic matter without harm, and receives a +8 Racial Bonus against ingested poisons and disease.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully hits with it's Bite Attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If Successful it may continue to do bite damage, or swallow an opponent of appropriate size.

Swallow Whole (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully makes a Grapple Check against an opponent at least 2 Size Classes smaller than itself it may swallow them.  The swallowed creature takes 1d6+1 damage and 1 point of acid damage per round it remains in the Lemmings stomach.  It may cut it's way out with a Light slashing or piercing weapon by doing 10 damage to the Lemmings stomach (AC 11).  Once the creature exits muscular action closes the hole and other victims must cut their own way out.  A Lemmings stomach may hold 2 Tiny, 4 Diminutive, or 8 Fine opponents.

Skills: Voracious Lemmings receive a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voracious Lemming
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 6d10+30 (63 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 40 ft (8 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class: 15 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+15
Attack: Nibble +10 melee (1d6+7)
Full Attack: Nibble +10 melee (1d6+7)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Munching, Improved Grab, Swallow Whole
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Scent, DR 5/Magic
Saves: Fort +10, Ref +6, Will +4
Abilities: Str 20, Dex 13, Con 20, Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills: Climb +13, Hide +2, Listen +4, Move Silently +5, Spot +4
Feats: Alertness, Diehard, Endurance
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: See below
Level Adjustment: -----

Munching (Ex): The Voracious Lemming weighs 501 pounds, and can eat approximately 16 pounds of food per round.  It converts half of that food to body mass gaining an extra Hit Die roughly every extra 584 pounds, and when it reaches 4001 pounds it becomes a Huge Voracious Lemming.  It can eat virtually any organic matter without harm, and receives a +8 Racial Bonus against ingested poisons and disease.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully hits with it's Bite Attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If Successful it may continue to do bite damage, or swallow an opponent of appropriate size.

Swallow Whole (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully makes a Grapple Check against an opponent at least 2 Size Classes smaller than itself it may swallow them.  The swallowed creature takes 2d4+5 damage and 5 points of acid damage per round it remains in the Lemmings stomach.  It may cut it's way out with a Light slashing or piercing weapon by doing 15 damage to the Lemmings stomach (AC 12).  Once the creature exits muscular action closes the hole and other victims must cut their own way out.  A Lemmings stomach may hold 2 Small, 4 Tiny, 8 Diminutive, or 32 Fine opponents.

Skills: Voracious Lemmings receive a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voracious Lemming
Huge Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 12d10+120 (186 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 40 ft (8 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class: 19 (-2 Size, +1 Dex, +10 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+30
Attack: Nibble +20 melee (2d4+15/19-20)
Full Attack: Nibble +20 melee (2d4+15/19-20)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Munching, Improved Grab, Swallow Whole
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Scent, DR 10/Magic, SR 18
Saves: Fort +18, Ref +9, Will +7
Abilities: Str 30, Dex 13, Con 30, Int 5, Wis 16, Cha 12
Skills: Climb +18, Hide +1, Listen +5, Move Silently +8, Spot +5
Feats: Alertness, Diehard, Endurance, Improved Critical (Bite), Improved Initiative
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: See below
Level Adjustment: -----

Munching (Ex): The Voracious Lemming weighs 4001 pounds, and can eat approximately 64 pounds of food per round.  It converts half of that food to body mass gaining an extra Hit Die roughly every extra 2,333 pounds, and when it reaches 32,001 pounds it becomes a Gargantuan Voracious Lemming.  It can eat virtually any organic matter without harm, and receives a +8 Racial Bonus against ingested poisons and disease.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully hits with it's Bite Attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If Successful it may continue to do bite damage, or swallow an opponent of appropriate size.

Swallow Whole (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully makes a Grapple Check against an opponent at least 2 Size Classes smaller than itself it may swallow them.  The swallowed creature takes 2d6+10 damage and 10 points of acid damage per round it remains in the Lemmings stomach.  It may cut it's way out with a Light slashing or piercing weapon by doing 25 damage to the Lemmings stomach (AC 15).  Once the creature exits muscular action closes the hole and other victims must cut their own way out.  A Lemmings stomach may hold 2 Medium, 4 Small, 8 Tiny, or 32 Diminutive or smaller opponents.

Skills: Voracious Lemmings receive a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voracious Lemming
Gargantuan Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 24d10+360 (462 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 40 ft (8 squares), Climb 10 ft.
Armor Class: 24 (-4 Size, +18 Natural), touch 6, flat-footed 24
Base Attack/Grapple: +24/+51
Attack: Nibble +36 melee (2d6+22/19-20)
Full Attack: Nibble +36 melee (2d6+22/19-20)
Space/Reach: 20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks: Munching, Improved Grab, Swallow Whole
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Scent, DR 15/Magic, SR 25
Saves: Fort +29, Ref +8, Will +11
Abilities: Str 40, Dex 10, Con 40, Int 6, Wis 16, Cha 16
Skills: Climb +23, Hide +3, Listen +5, Move Silently +12, Spot +5
Feats: Alertness, Cleave, Diehard, Endurance, Great Cleave, Improved Critical (Bite), Improved Initiative, Power Attack, Weapon Focus (Bite)
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 15
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: See below
Level Adjustment: -----

Munching (Ex): The Voracious Lemming weighs 32,001 pounds, and can eat approximately 256 pounds of food per round.  It converts half of that food to body mass gaining an extra Hit Die roughly every extra 9,083 pounds, and when it reaches 250,001 pounds it becomes a Colossal Voracious Lemming.  It can eat virtually any organic matter without harm, and is now immune to poison and disease.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully hits with it's Bite Attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If Successful it may continue to do bite damage, or swallow an opponent of appropriate size.

Swallow Whole (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully makes a Grapple Check against an opponent at least 2 Size Classes smaller than itself it may swallow them.  The swallowed creature takes 2d8+15 damage and 15 points of acid damage per round it remains in the Lemmings stomach.  It may cut it's way out with a Light slashing or piercing weapon by doing 35 damage to the Lemmings stomach (AC 19).  Once the creature exits muscular action closes the hole and other victims must cut their own way out.  A Lemmings stomach may hold 2 Large, 4 Medium, 8 Small, or 32 Tiny or smaller opponents.

Skills: Voracious Lemmings receive a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voracious Lemming
Colossal Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 48d10+1008 (1272 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 40 ft (8 squares)
Armor Class: 40 (-8 Size, +38 Natural), touch 2, flat-footed 40
Base Attack/Grapple: +48/+84
Attack: Nibble +61 melee (2d8+30/19-20)
Full Attack: Nibble +61 melee (2d8+30/19-20)
Space/Reach: 30 ft./20 ft.
Special Attacks: Munching, Improved Grab, Swallow Whole
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Scent, DR 20/Epic, SR 30
Saves: Fort +46, Ref +26, Will +19
Abilities: Str 50, Dex 10, Con 50, Int 8, Wis 16, Cha 20
Skills: Climb +20, Hide +5, Listen +10, Move Silently +20, Spot +10
Feats: Alertness, Awesome Blow, Cleave, Devastating Critical (Bite), Diehard, Endurance, Great Cleave, Greater Mighty Roar, Improved Critical (Bite), Improved Bull Rush, Improved Initiative, Improved Toughness, Mighty Roar, Overwhelming Critical (Bite), Power Attack, Power Critical (Bite), Weapon Focus (Bite)
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 21
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: See below
Level Adjustment: -----

Munching (Ex): The Voracious Lemming weighs 250,001 pounds, and can eat approximately 1024 pounds of food per round.  It converts half of that food to body mass gaining an extra Hit Die roughly every extra 36,458 pounds, and when it reaches 2,000,001 pounds it becomes a Super Extra Deluxe Biggie Size Voracious Lemming.  It can eat virtually any organic matter without harm, and is now immune to poison and disease.
 
Improved Grab (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully hits with it's Bite Attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If Successful it may continue to do bite damage, or swallow an opponent of appropriate size.

Swallow Whole (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully makes a Grapple Check against an opponent at least 2 Size Classes smaller than itself it may swallow them.  The swallowed creature takes 4d6+20 damage and 20 points of acid damage per round it remains in the Lemmings stomach.  It may cut it's way out with a Light slashing or piercing weapon by doing 50 damage to the Lemmings stomach (AC 29).  Once the creature exits muscular action closes the hole and other victims must cut their own way out.  A Lemmings stomach may hold 2 Huge, 4 Large, 8 Medium, or 32 Small or smaller opponents.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Voracious Lemming
Super Extra Deluxe Biggie Size Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 96d10+2496 (3024 hp)
Initiative: +8
Speed: 50 ft (10 squares)
Armor Class: 52 (-16 Size, +58 Natural), touch 0, flat-footed 52
Base Attack/Grapple: +96/+141
Attack: Nibble +106 melee (4d6+37/19-20)
Full Attack: Nibble +106 melee (4d6+37/19-20)
Space/Reach: 40 ft./30 ft.
Special Attacks: Munching, improved Grab, Swallow Whole
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Scent, DR 30/Epic, DR 10/-, SR 30, Fast Healing 10
Saves: Fort +81, Ref +50, Will +63
Abilities: Str 60, Dex 10, Con 60, Int 10, Wis 20, Cha 24
Skills: Climb +25, Hide -20, Listen +7, Move Silently +0, Spot +7
Feats: Alertness, Awesome Blow, Cleave, Defensive Sweep, Devastating Critical (Bite), Diehard, Endurance, Epic Endurance, Epic Fortitude, Epic Will, Gape of the Serpent, Great Cleave, Greater Mighty Roar, Greater Powerful Charge, Great Fortitude, Improved Critical (Bite), Improved Bull Rush, Improved Initiative, Improved Toughness, Indomitable Soul, Iron Will, Mighty Roar, Overwhelming Assault, Overwhelming Critical (Bite), Power Attack, Power Critical (Bite), Powerful Charge, Shock Trooper, Steadfast Determination, Superior Initiative, Weapon Focus (Bite)
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 33
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: See below
Level Adjustment: -----

Munching (Ex): The Voracious Lemming weighs 2,000,001 pounds, and can eat approximately 4096 pounds of food per round.  It converts half of that food to body mass gaining an extra Hit Die roughly every extra 145,832 pounds.  It can eat virtually any organic matter without harm, and is now immune to poison and disease.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully hits with it's Bite Attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If Successful it may continue to do bite damage, or swallow an opponent of appropriate size.

Swallow Whole (Ex): If the Voracious Lemming successfully makes a Grapple Check against an opponent at least 2 Size Classes smaller than itself it may swallow them.  The swallowed creature takes 4d8+25 damage and 25 points of acid damage per round it remains in the Lemmings stomach.  It may cut it's way out with a Light slashing or piercing weapon by doing 65 damage to the Lemmings stomach (AC 39).  Once the creature exits muscular action closes the hole and other victims must cut their own way out.  A Lemmings stomach may hold 2 Gargantuan, 4 Huge, 8 Large, or 32 Medium or smaller opponents.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-


Lore
Characters with ranks in Knowledge (Nature) may have heard of Voracious Lemmings. When the character makes a skill check, the following lore is revealed, including the information from lower DC's.

DC|Lore
10| Voracious Lemmings resemble normal Lemmings except they can be found anywhere and have bottomless pits for stomachs.
15| The more Voracious Lemmings eat the bigger they get. 
20| As Voracious Lemmings get bigger they get more intelligent and increase in power.
Plot Hook
  • The PC's are hired to find out who has stolen the grain stores of a local village.  Bad news is it was Lemmings.  The PC's need to find a way to get the villagers food, or get them moved out to somewhere that can help them before winter sets in.
  • The PC's are hired to contact a missing merchant, and find a deserted village with one really big rodent.  You can pretty much guess whats happened.
  • The Monarch of Florida has given a pet fluffy to the PC's to deliver to the King of El Grande as a present and peace offering.  The PC's are a little concerned when it always seems hungry, particularly when it starts getting bigger.  It's possible they've been had...
  • A rogue artifact has transformed the local Lemming population into Voracious Lemmings, and it's a race against time for the PC's to wipe them out before they get too powerful.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #565 on: June 04, 2010, 05:45:32 AM »
Banana Muffin Swarm
                      Diminutive Construct (Swarm)
Hit Dice:             12d10 (66 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                0 ft. (0 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (+4 Size, +1 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple:  +8/-
Attack:               Swarm (3d6)
Full Attack:          Swarm (3d6)
Space/Reach:          1 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Distraction, Psilike Abilities
Special Qualities:    Construct Traits, Blindsight 60', Swarm traits, Immune to Weapon damage, Blind Teleport, Telepathy 100'
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 1, Dex 10, Con -, Int 16, Wis 16, Cha 16
Skills:               Concentration +15, Hide +27, Knowledge (Psionics) +18, Listen +18, Psicraft +18
Feats:                Combat Manifestation, Greater Psionic Endowment, Narrow Mind, Psionic Endowment, Psionic Meditation
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     8
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...the muffins are following us..."

"How much shine you had today?"

No one knows who or what came up with Banana Muffin Swarms.  Fiendishly insidious they simply set in plain sight, teleporting about when people aren't looking or when something attempts to eat them.  Conspiracy theories about their origins and intents abound, but no one has ever caught them to interrogate them.  Banana Muffins understand common and 3 other languages.

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature vulnerable to the swarms damage that begins it's turn in the same square as a Swarm must make a DC xx Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based) or be Nauseated for 1 round.  Spellcasting or concentrating on a spell within the swarms area requires a Concentration Check (DC is 20 plus spell level).  Using skills that require patience or concentration requires a DC 20 Concentration check.

Psilike Abilities (Ps): At will: Choose any 3 first level powers from the Psion list.  3/day: Choose two powers each from the 2nd and 3rd level powers on the Psion list.  1/day: Insanity.  Manifester level is equal to Hit Dice.

Blind Teleport (Su): At will as a Move Action Muffin Swarms may teleport up to 30' in any direction.

Combat: Combat tactics for the Muffins vary widely depending on their individual powers.  Most involve stealth or mind control somehow though.






Pirhanakeet Swarm
                      Diminutive Magical Beast (Swarm)
Hit Dice:             12d10 (66 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 60 ft., Good
Armor Class:          19 (+4 Size, +5 Dex), touch 19, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +12/-
Attack:               Swarm (3d6)
Full Attack:          Swarm (3d6)
Space/Reach:          1 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Distraction, Bloody Wounds
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Swarm traits, Immune to weapon damage, Scent
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +13, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 1, Dex 20, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 14, Cha 4
Skills:               Listen +9, Spot +10
Feats:                Dodge, Flyby Attack, Hover, Improved Flyby Attack, Mobility
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"GOD______ I HATE BIRDS!"

"Abner you really need to learn not to take bird attacks personally.  It's the curse man."

Pirhanakeets are Parakeets crossed with some form of predatory monstrosity.
They seemingly do nothing but eat despite their tiny size.  They also make more of their kind.  Profusely.  There are small forests stripped clean because of them.  They appear to be normal Parakeets, but their beaks are preternaturally sharp and can cut through even hardened leather with ease.

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature vulnerable to the swarms damage that begins it's turn in the same square as a Swarm must make a DC 16 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based) or be Nauseated for 1 round.  Spellcasting or concentrating on a spell within the swarms area requires a Concentration Check (DC is 20 plus spell level).  Using skills that require patience or concentration requires a DC 20 Concentration check.

Bloody Wounds (Ex):  Any opponent that is damaged by a Pirhanakeets Swarm attack loses an additional 3 hit points per round for 1d6 rounds due to blood loss.  Multiple hits can extend duration, but do not do additional damage.

Combat: Pirhanakeets do the usual swarm tactics: envelop and chew profusely.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2010, 06:37:26 AM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #566 on: June 05, 2010, 12:33:30 AM »
:looloo

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #567 on: June 05, 2010, 04:23:17 AM »
They were requests at GitP and Wizards

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #568 on: June 08, 2010, 06:40:58 AM »
Idiot Box
                      Small Construct
Hit Dice:             6d12 (49 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                0 ft. (0 squares)
Armor Class:          17 (+1 Size, +6 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+4
Attack:               -
Full Attack:          -
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      OBEY ME!, Fascinate Viewers
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Construct traits
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +2, Will +7
Abilities:            Str -, Dex -, Con -, Int 16, Wis 16, Cha 24
Skills:               Bluff +13, Diplomacy +13, Gather Information +13, Intimidate +12, Knowledge (Local) +9, Listen +8, Sense Motive +9, Spot +9
Feats:                Ability Focus (OBEY ME!, Fascinate Viewers), Iron Will
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Lawful Evil
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...why the hell is everyone staring at that box?"

"Ah dunno...but it creeps me out."

Idiot Boxes are metal cubes with glass screens on one or more sides.  They project various odd scenes onto the glass to attract the attention of nearby victims.  Once they have their attention they slowly creep into their minds leaving them ever more Fascinated.  Eventually they become enslaved to the box, and it begins issuing them commands.  The Devils use it to gain slaves for the Blood Wars, and of course a few souls along the way.  Idiot Boxes speak Common, Infernal, and two other languages.

OBEY ME!(Su): Once per minute the Idiot Box can force any one being that has failed a Saving Throw against it's Fascinate ability to make a DC 22 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma based) or be affected as if by a Dominate Person spell (Caster Level is equal to double Hit Dice). 

Fascinate Viewers (Su): Any being within 60' that can see the Idiot Box must make a DC 22 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma based) or be Fascinated until they make a successful Will Save (they get another Save each minute) or they take damage or have a spell/power/ability successfully used on them.

Combat Idiot Boxes rarely fight.  They just kind of sit there fascinating people and mind controlling them.  Usually they have a few demonic servants to ensure they aren't attacked.
« Last Edit: June 15, 2010, 05:53:37 AM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #569 on: June 09, 2010, 01:39:10 AM »
 :D :banghead

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #570 on: June 15, 2010, 06:03:30 AM »
think the Idiot Box CR is fair?

Sorry for the delays been having rl problems

Mimic Sheep
                      Medium Magical Beast (Shapeshifter)
Hit Dice:             5d10+5 (32 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          13 (+1 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +5/+5
Attack:               Butt +6 melee (1d6)
Full Attack:          Butt +6 melee (1d6)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Shapeshift
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60'
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 12, Con 12, Int 16, Wis 14, Cha 18
Skills:               Bluff +9, Hide +6, Knowledge (Geography, Local) +8, Listen +7, Move Silently +6, Search +8, Spot +7
Feats:                Iron Will, Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Gang (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     5
Treasure:             Standard, double magic items
Alignment:            Usually Neutral or Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          By Character Class, usually Sorcerer
Level Adjustment:    ---

"Bert whut the hell you doin'?"

"I say Abner old boy, I'm giving this wench the ravishing she jolly well deserves."

"..."

"I got that wrong didn't I?"

"Yup...you don't spose you wanna explain where Burt is before I bury this axe in yer forehead?"

Mimic Sheep are the evil pranksters of nature.  Appearing to be normal sheep, they're ability to change shape into nearly anything gives them the opportunity to wreak endless havoc.  If they had focus they could probably rule the world but they're satisfied with being utter bastards.  They are known for endless pranks like dating famous individuals and spontaneously shifting gender in public so their significant other is accused of having a sexuality outside the mainstream, filling pit traps full of giant leeches, hypnotizing giant ticks and placing them on the faces of sleeping victims, and committing robbery, rape and other ghastly crimes while impersonating others.  They also like to shapeshift into bird form and poop on townsfolk, because birds can get away with this.  Mimic Sheep speak Common and up to 3 other languages.

Shapeshift (Su): Mimic Sheep may cast Shapechange as a Supernatural Ability a number of times per day equal to their Charisma Modifier.  Caster Level is equal to Hit Dice.

Combat: Mimic Sheep are never straightforward combatants.  They always prefer deception and trouble making to open brawling, and if faced with serious violence will flee to enrage that same victim another day.  Some of them have devoted their lives to screwing over the same people.  They also tend to learn magic and acquire as many items as  they can to help them in their schemes.
« Last Edit: June 18, 2010, 03:49:33 AM by bhu »

jojolagger

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #571 on: June 15, 2010, 06:37:09 AM »
the idiot box
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In other words, he thinks there's a "correct" way to play D&D.  *sigh*
There is: Kill shit and loot the corpse!
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But it's not the tool's fault if you use it for something else and you fail utterly, such as trying to eat cereal with a butterknife, pounding nails with a screwdriver, blogging to voice your political opinions, and brushing your teeth with a hammer.
[/spoiler]

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #572 on: June 15, 2010, 06:47:13 AM »
 :lol

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #573 on: June 17, 2010, 06:25:44 AM »
THE GUPPY FOLK


   
"Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish."

 The Guppy Folk are multi colored bipedal fish people with large eyes.  Colors and fin size vary widely.

GUPPY FOLK RACIAL TRAITS
·   +2 Dex, +2 Wis, +2 Cha, -6 Str (minimum 3)
·   Size Class: Tiny. +2 Size Bonus to Armor Class and Attack Rolls. +8 Size Bonus to Hide Checks. -8 Size Penalty to Bull Rush, Grapple, Overrun, and Trip Checks. Lifting and Carrying Limits are one quarter those of a Medium character.
·   Monstrous Humanoid with the Aquatic and Amphibious Subtypes, giving you Darkvision 60'.
·   Base Land speed 10'
·   Base Swim speed 30'
·   Blindsense (Ex): Guppies can sense other corporeal creatures within 60' when underwater as if they had Blindsight.
·   Guppies have a +8 Racial Bonus to Listen and Swim Checks, and can always Take 10 on a Swim Check.  They may use the Run Action while swimming in a straight line.
·   Automatic Languages: Common and Guppy.  Bonus Languages: Bonus languages generally depend on who or what lives nearby.
·   Level Adjustment: +0
·   Favored Class: Druid

STARTING AGE
 Adulthood: 14
 Barbarian, Rogue, Sorcerer: +1d4
 Bard, Fighter, Paladin, Ranger: +1d6
 Cleric, Druid, Monk, Wizard: +2d6

AGING EFFECTS
 Middle Age: 30
 Old: 45
 Venerable: 60
 Maximum Age: +2d10 years

HEIGHT AND WEIGHT
 Base Height: Male: 7" Female: 6"
 Height Modifier: +1d4"
 Base Weight: Male: 8 lbs.   Female: 7 lbs.
 Weight Modifier: x1 lb.

GUPPY CHARACTERS
 Guppies are good for those of you who want an aquatic themed caster of some sort.  Their size and stats make them pretty decent Divine casters.
 Adventuring Race: Guppies tend to go on adventures for idealistic reasons more than glory or gold.  They want to change the world as oppose to rule it or steal it's stuff.
 Character Development: Given their stats, you're probably better off going for a Divine caster.  You have the perfect set up for it with your stats.  You should probably do something about your Size disadvantage though.
 Character Names: Guppy names tend to be descriptive of either physical attributes (Bigeyes, Redfins, Black Tail) or deeds (Basskiller) or something the Guppy is noted for.  Surnames are generally unhearable by most races.

ROLEPLAYING A GUPPY
 As a Guppy your brightly colored, exotic, and tend to attract attention. This can be both good and bad, and you need to learn to use this to your advantage before others use it to your disadvantage.
 Personality: Male Guppies can be a tad aggressive during breeding season, and are well known for their obsession with mating at this time.  Well that, and being increasingly territorial and likely to bully outsiders.  Otherwise they tend to be champions of Nature, doing their best to ensure the waterways remain clean.  By force if they have to.
 Behaviors: Beings who throw trash in the rivers are fair game.  Everyone else gets respect, but polluters can be gigged at will.  Keep the weirdos of the other races away from your women.  God knows what they'll do with them if they get the chance.
 Language: Guppy is a fairly high pitched language understandable only to Guppies.  Many of it's tones are outside the human range of hearing.  It has no written form.

GUPPY SOCIETY
 Guppies are an odd society with males and females not really associating with one another outside of the breeding season.  Most males tend towards jobs that protect or interact with the environment (hunters, Druids, priests) while the women tend to stick to home with their masses of children.  THis does not mean they are dumb housewives, as most scholarly work done by Guppies is accomplished by the women.
 Alignment : Guppies have strong tendencies towards pure neutrality.  If no one bothers them, they don't bother them back.  Pollute their streams and homes, and then you discover the teeny fish people aren't exactly pacifistic.  And they have lots of truly weird magic items thy find o nthe bottom.
 Lands : Guppies prefer Warm waters to live in, usually near islands or jungles.
 Settlements : When they settle they prefer aquatic areas far from land dwelling civilizations.  That way they avoid pollution in their homes.
 Beliefs : Guppies prefer Variel the Fish God or the Nature Pantheon.  Many are also Druidic.
 Relations: Guppies aren't fond of land dwellers as they tend to accidentally hook the kids while fishing, or pee in the water.  They do make exceptions for those environmentally friendly races who don't pollute the water ways though.

GUPPY ADVENTURES
·   Something upstream has been polluting the river.  Your team is being asked to find out how.
·   The local fishermen have gotten ticked that you have been scaring off their catch since you moved into the lake, and have decided to try catching your children instead.  Needless to say this will end in blood, recriminations, and a lot of summoned monsters.
·   The local Orcs have decided your people are tasty.  You have decided the Orcs are right bastards and need taught a lesson.  Therefore your team has been chosen to activate a Relic near their village that will cause the sky to rain zombified buffalo. 



GUPPY RACIAL SUBSTITUTION LEVELS


DRUID
 Level 2: Replace Woodland Stride with Fast Swimmer
  Fast Swimmer (Ex):  Your Base Swim Speed increases by +20'
 Level 3: Replace Trackless Step with Scentless
  Scentless (Ex): You have no Scent and cannot be tracked or detected via the Scent ability.

CLERIC
 Level 1: Replace Spontaneous Casting with Spontaneous Casting: Summon
  Spontaneous Casting: Summon: You now have Summon Nature's Ally I-IX on your spell list but may only summon animals with the Aquatic trait or Water Elementals.  You spontaneously cast these spells instead of Cure or Inflict spells.
 Level 1: Replace Turn/Rebuke Undead with Rebuke Sea Life
  Rebuke Sea Life (Su): Instead of Rebuking Undead you may Rebuke any opponent with the Aquatic Subtype or the Amphibious ability.

Favored Soul
 Level 17: Replace Wings with Speed
  Speed (Ex): Your Base Swim Speed increases to 80'





GUPPY FEATS


Summon Fishbowl
You can summon a magical globe of force filled with water to protect you or other aquatic creatures on land.
 Prerequisites: Guppy, Must know the Water Breathing Spell, and any 3rd level spell form the Abjuration school
 Benefits:

Improved Summon Fishbowl
You can now summon Fishbowls for a small group.
 Prerequisites: Guppy, Summon Fishbowl
 Benefits:

Greater Summon Fishbowl
Your personal Fishbowl gains some options.
 Prerequisites: Guppy, Improved Summon Fishbowl
 Benefits:

Epic Summon Fishbowl
You can summon a truly Epic Fishbowl.
 Prerequisites: Guppy, Greater Summon Fishbowl
 Benefits:

Curse of the Guppy Folk
Your curse causes land dwellers to gain the Aquatic Subtype, meaning they can't breathe air.
 Prerequisites: Guppy, Must be able to cast Bestow Curse
 Benefits: When you cast Bestow Curse you can choose instead to give your opponent the Aquatic Subtype.  Which can be bad if you do it when there's no water around.  This curse can be removed in the usual manner and is otherwise identical to the Bestow Curse spell.

Curse of the Guppy Eyes
Your curse causes your opponent to gain huge round eyes.
 Prerequisites: Guppy, Curse of the Guppy Folk
 Benefits: When you cast Bestow Curse you can choose instead to curse your opponent so that he automatically fails all Saving Throws against Gaze Attacks.  This curse can be removed in the usual manner and is otherwise identical to the Bestow Curse spell.

Curse of the Goldfish Bowl
Your opponent is imprisoned in a Fishbowl.
 Prerequisites: Guppy, Summon Fishbowl, must be able to cast Bestow Curse
 Benefits:

Curse of Fin Rot
Your curse causes your opponent to have difficulties in the water.
 Prerequisites: Guppy, Curse of the Guppy Folk
 Benefits: When you cast Bestow Curse instead of the usual effect you can curse your opponent to automatically Fail all Swim Checks.  This curse can be removed in the usual manner and is otherwise identical to the Bestow Curse spell.
« Last Edit: July 23, 2010, 06:53:03 AM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #574 on: June 21, 2010, 05:04:23 AM »
Think LA +0 is fair?

jojolagger

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #575 on: June 21, 2010, 06:15:54 AM »
Think LA +0 is fair?
Seems about right. A bit powerful for a underwater campaign, a bit weak for a land based one.
Countdown to Zombie Apocalypse 97
When you see this, copy it into your sig and -1
:lovefirefox
Quotes [spoiler]
In other words, he thinks there's a "correct" way to play D&D.  *sigh*
There is: Kill shit and loot the corpse!
When you use a tool the way it was designed for -- its intended function -- then it will work very well for you.

But it's not the tool's fault if you use it for something else and you fail utterly, such as trying to eat cereal with a butterknife, pounding nails with a screwdriver, blogging to voice your political opinions, and brushing your teeth with a hammer.
[/spoiler]

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #576 on: June 21, 2010, 11:22:16 PM »
Lolwut? :p

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #577 on: June 23, 2010, 05:36:45 AM »
http://www.newanimal.org/hedgehog.htm

http://books.google.com/books?id=QNFR4xHHIegC&pg=PA38&lpg=PA38&dq=zamba+zaraa&source=bl&ots=HsEVgSd1U-&sig=mhtGHUhpSltuV50FzzOMEn7KLEs&hl=en&ei=2oMZTMXJCoaKlwed2MWrCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CBIQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=zamba%20zaraa&f=false

http://redactori.blogspot.com/2008/09/cryptozoology.html

Zamba Zaraa
                      Small Animal
Hit Dice:             1d8+1 (5 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Climbing 10 ft., Burrow 5 ft.
Armor Class:          13 (+1 Small, +1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-5
Attack:               Nibble +1 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack:          Nibble +1 melee (1d3-1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      POOF!, Ram, Spiny Defense
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +3, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 12, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills:               Climb +7, Hide +5, Listen +3, Spot +3
Feats:                Endurance, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment:          Warm Desert
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     1/3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          2 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment:     ---

POOF! (Ex): If threatened the Zamba Zaraa inflates itself to nearly double it's size as a Swift Action.  This means some predators will not be able to swallow it.  If the Zamba Zaraa inflates on a round it's being swallowed it lodges in the predators throat and it begins to choke unless it can vomit them up (use suffocation rules from the DMG, the predator must make a successful Grapple Check to vomit the Zamba Zaraa back up and dislodge it.  It gets a -6 Circumstance Penalty on the Grapple Check).  While lodged in the opponents throat the Zamba Zaraa does 1d6 damage per round.

Ram (Ex): If it's desperate a Zamba Zaraa will run at it's attacker in an attempt to impale it with it's spines.  It does 1d6-1 damage wit ha successful Charge attack.

Spiny Defense (Ex): Opponents who Grapple the Zamba Zaraa or attack it with Unarmed Strikes or Natural Weapons take 1d4 damage plus their own Strength Modifier damage.

Skills: Zamba Zaraa get a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.

Combat: The Zamba Zaraa prefers to flee opponents or puff up to intimidate them.  If it's desperate it will body check it's opponent with it's spines.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #578 on: June 26, 2010, 04:04:16 AM »
Guppies updated

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #579 on: June 26, 2010, 04:42:11 PM »
Idiot Box needs an Idiot Ball to hang out with.   :smirk
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