Author Topic: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature  (Read 150475 times)

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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #480 on: March 10, 2010, 03:20:34 AM »
any thoughts on the prerequisites for Nerf Weapons?

MyndBulletz

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #481 on: March 10, 2010, 04:38:24 AM »
d'you mean for crafting them or for using them?
Winning a dispute on the internet is like getting a gold medal at the Special Olympics. Sure you won...but you're still retarded.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #482 on: March 10, 2010, 04:38:59 AM »
crafting.  I added the weapon ability to the Nerf Olem description

MyndBulletz

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #483 on: March 10, 2010, 05:21:12 AM »
I think nerf weapons shouldn't do lethal damage. You should add access to a spell that nullifies damage, or a spell that has to do with stealing other people's ability...
Winning a dispute on the internet is like getting a gold medal at the Special Olympics. Sure you won...but you're still retarded.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #484 on: March 11, 2010, 04:02:49 AM »



Emperor Ralph
                      Fine Outsider (Chaotic, Evil, Native)
Hit Dice:             100d8+2500 (2950 hp)
Initiative:           +10
Speed:                Fly 5 ft. (1 square), Clumsy
Armor Class:          60 (+8 Size, +2 Dex, +10 Profane, Natural +30), touch 30, flat-footed 58
Base Attack/Grapple:  +100/+135
Attack:               Nibble +143 melee (1d2+35)
Full Attack:          Nibble +143 melee (1d2+35)
Space/Reach:          1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Incredibly Strong
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Floaty, DR 30/Epic, DR 10/-, Energy Resistance 30 (Acid, Cold, Electricity, Fire, Sonic), SR 45, Fast Healing 30, Regeneration 30, Scent, Low Light Vision, Immunities
Saves:                Fort +77, Ref +54, Will +57
Abilities:            Str 80, Dex 14, Con 60, Int 20, Wis 20, Cha 30
Skills:               Appraise+63, Bluff +69, Concentration +83, Diplomacy +68, Gather Information +68, Hide +78, Intimidate +68, Knowledge (Arcana, Dungeoneering, Geography, History, Local, Nature, Nobility, Religion, The Planes) +63, Listen +63, Move Silently +62, Search +63, Sense Motive +63, Spellcraft +63, Spot +63, Use Magic Device +68
Feats:                *Adaptable Flanker, Anklebiter, Blind Fight, Combat Awareness, Combat Focus, Combat Reflexes, Deflect Arrows, Dodge, Earth's Embrace, Epic Leadership, Epic Reputation, Eyes in the Back of Your Head, Hover, Improved Combat Reflexes, Improved Initiative, Improved Scent, Improved Stunning Fist, Improved Unarmed Strike, Leadership, Legendary Commander, Master Manipulator, Mobility, Multigrab, Pain Touch, Rapid Stunning, Snatch Arrows, Spring Attack, Stunning Fist, Superior Initiative, Uncanny Scent, Vexing Flanker, Water Splitting Stone, Weakening Touch, Wingover
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Unique
Challenge Rating:    36
Treasure:             Triple Standard
Alignment:            Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          101+ HD
Level Adjustment:     ---

* Feats not in the PHB or MM may be found in Complete Warrior, PHB II, and The Epic Level Handbook.

"Where's my money?"

Long, long ago in the dim dark past of the Jester's Realm there was a gigantic nameless abomination of life.  This towering abomination had pretensions towards godhood, and set about attempting to achieve this aim.  Since the Jester appoints Lesser deities in his own realm, he was amused by the monsters chutzpah.  He was less amused by all the frothing, bloody sacrifices it made in order to try to get it's desires.  And so he demoted it in a sense.  Stripping the creature of it's awe-inspiring size and magical power, e reduced it in form to that of a tiny hamster.  He also cursed it to be unable to touch the ground fro reasons unknown.   

Eventually taking the name Ralph the now enraged (but teensy) entity set about re-establishing it's kingdom, beginning as an adviser or 'power behind the throne' type of ruler.  Ralph has been defeated several times, and usually manages to regain a kingdom somewhere.  He's immortal after all he can afford to be patient.  In the meantime he has spawned many species of magical hamster, much to his personal embarrassment.

Ralph appears as a normal hamster, albeit usually with cape and crown, floating off the ground.


Improved Grab (Ex): Emperor Ralph may make a Grapple Check without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Incredibly Strong (Ex): Emperor Ralph does not take Size Penalties to Combat Maneuvers such as Grappling, Trips, Bull Rushes, etc.

Floaty (Ex): As he is cursed to not touch the ground, Ralph floats in the air hovering.  Absolutely no force on earth can get him closer than 6" from the ground, effectively granting him immunity to Trip Attacks, he can never be prone, and he constantly has a Feather Fall in Effect on his person.

Immunities (Ex): Ralph is immune to Ability Drain/Damage, Energy Drain, aging, Stunning, sleep and death effects, poison, paralysis, petrification, polymorph, disease, fear/morale penalties, and fatigue/exhaustion effects.  He does not require food, sleep, or water. 

Regeneration (Ex): Ralph's Regeneration doesn't work against damage that is both Epic and Good.

Combat: Lacking his former impressive physical armament and supernatural abilities, Ralph has had to be content with studying fighting the old fashioned way: the martial arts.  He is the worlds only floating kung fu hamster.  And he's not happy.  Generally he prefers others to do his fighting for him, but if pressed he's a pretty mean grappler.
« Last Edit: April 03, 2010, 06:31:42 AM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #485 on: March 11, 2010, 06:57:55 AM »
What.  ???

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #486 on: March 12, 2010, 08:54:39 PM »
I updated it with a pic and some more crunchy bits.  He's a potential BBEG in my silly campaign.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #487 on: March 14, 2010, 12:41:15 AM »
I need some inspirational ideas for a floating kung fu hamster....

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #488 on: March 15, 2010, 12:45:22 AM »
Sounds pretty inspired to me. (And crazy...)  :D

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #489 on: March 15, 2010, 04:32:27 PM »
Ralph has been fluffied.

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #490 on: March 16, 2010, 02:47:48 AM »
What IS the jester's realm, anyways?  ??? I'm guessing it's a campaing-specific thing you do, but still...

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #491 on: March 16, 2010, 04:42:33 AM »
The Jester's Realm is the name for my silly campaign.  A Ravenloft like Demiplane populated by a whacky Jester Overdeity who kidnaps people and things to populate it.

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #492 on: March 17, 2010, 01:37:44 AM »
Cool. Do you have the documentation for it? I'd like to know more. :D

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #493 on: March 17, 2010, 04:58:32 AM »
I've only kinda made notes and such so far.  I've been trying to flesh it out as we play, but getting my group to play actual RPG's instead of card/board games seems a lost cause these days.  I'll prolly have to run it PbP.

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #494 on: March 18, 2010, 01:32:09 AM »
I'd definitly be interested.  :D

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #495 on: March 19, 2010, 05:09:06 AM »
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lizard_Man_of_Scape_Ore_Swamp

http://cryptozoology.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_lizard_man_of_scape_ore_swamp

Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp
                      Medium Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice:             6d8+18 (45 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Climb 30 ft., Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class:          17 (+3 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+12
Attack:               Claw +12 melee (1d6+6)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +12 melee (1d6+6) and 1 Bite +7 melee (1d6+3)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Rend
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60'
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +8, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 22, Dex 16, Con 16, Int 3, Wis 13, Cha 12
Skills:               Climb +14, Listen +4, Jump +9, Spot +4, Swim +14
Feats:                Diehard, Endurance, Great Fortitude
Environment:          Temperate Swamp
Organization:         Unique?
Challenge Rating:    4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:           7-12 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Damn lizard man been eating the car agin Jessi.  Ah say we need tuh kilt him."

The Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp is a bizarre reptilian humanoid known for chewing on and damaging cars.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Lizard Man hits with it's claw attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it may Rend.

Rend (Ex): If the Lizard Man successfully hits with both claws it latches on and Rends for an additional 2d6+12 damage.  It may also rend with a successful Grapple Check.

Skills (Ex): The Lizard Man gets a +8 Racial Bonus on Climb and Swim Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb or Swim Check.

Combat: The Lizard Man doesn't seem to be a tactical genius.  Most of his tactics seem to be "charge and tear into opponent".

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #496 on: March 19, 2010, 05:33:04 AM »
Rhinoctopus
                      Large Magical Beast (Aquatic)
Hit Dice:             8d10+24 (68 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft.
Armor Class:          17 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +7 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple:  +8/+18
Attack:               Tentacle +13 melee (1d4+6)
Full Attack:          8 Tentacles +13 melee (1d4+6)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Rending Constriction
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Ink Cloud, Amphibious
Saves:                Fort +9, Ref +7, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 23, Dex 13, Con 17, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 3
Skills:               Escape Artist +11, Hide +8, Listen +6, Spot +6, Swim +14
Feats:               Alertness, Endurance, Skill Focus (Hide)
Environment:          Warm Aquatic or Plains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     8
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          9-16 HD (Large), 17-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"How is it Wizards never have normal pet guards Bert?"

"Ah think they feel they need to live up to their reputation."

"Ah'm gonna hurt this one bad since that thing of his pooped ink in mah face."

The Rhinoctopus is a bizarre Wizardly creation involving a melding of the Octopus and the Rhino.  Why someone felt the need to do it is anyones guess, but perhaps they thought it would make an interesting all terrain guardian.  It looks vaguely like a gelatinous octopoid shape with a larger than usual body, and a horned face.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Rhinoctopus successfully hits with it's tentacle attack, it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If it succeeds it may then use it's Rending Constriction.

Rending Constriction (Ex): If the Rhinoctopus successfully Grapples an opponent it squeezes him while goring it with it's horn simultaneously.  It does 3d6+6 damage with a successful Grapple Check. 

Ink Cloud (Ex):  The Rhinoctopus can spew black ichor once per minute as a Free Action.  Underwater this creates a 20' by 20' by 20' cloud that provides total concealment and completely obscures vision.  Out of water it is a 10' ranged touch attack.  If it hits the opponent must make a DC 15 Reflex Save (Save DC is Dex Based) or be blinded for 1d6 rounds, or until he can spend a full round washing it from his eyes whichever occurs first.

Combat: Rhinoctopus are ambush predators waiting underneath the water for prey to come to drink.  If prey fails to appear, they can shimmy up onto land and try to chase it down, which can be a terrifying sight to anyone in the vicinity unused to their appearance.

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #497 on: March 20, 2010, 01:00:58 AM »
EPIC.  :evillaugh

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #498 on: March 24, 2010, 06:01:47 AM »
http://www.newanimal.org/owlman.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Owlman

http://www.unknown-creatures.com/owlman-of-mawnan.html

Owlman of Mawnan
                      Medium Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice:             6d8+24 (51 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Fly 120 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          20 (+5 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+10
Attack:               Claw +10 melee (1d6+4)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +10 melee (1d6+4) and 1 Bite (1d4+2)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Frightening Presence
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60'
Saves:                Fort +6, Ref +10, Will +8
Abilities:            Str 18, Dex 20, Con 18, Int 16, Wis 16, Cha 16
Skills:               Intimidate +10, Listen +8, Move Silently +10, Spot +8, Survival +8
Feats:                Ability Focus (Frightful Presence), Flyby Attack, Hover
Environment:          Warm Hills and Forests
Organization:         Unique
Challenge Rating:     5
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Neutral
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Dammit Bert why does it always have to be birds?"

The Owlman cryptid appears to be a winged feathery humanoid with a birdlike face and large glowing eyes.  It also has pointed ears and large talons. 

Frightening Presence (Ex): Whenever the Owlman makes a flying attack or screams any opponent with less Hit Dice (and within 30') than it must make a DC 18 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based) or be Shaken 5d6 rounds.

Combat: Unless hungry Owlmen usually just frighten their opponents and take off.  If they are hungry they fly back quietly and ambush from another direction.


Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #499 on: March 25, 2010, 02:20:57 AM »
So hust a tiny owlbear than?  :smirk