Author Topic: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature  (Read 147690 times)

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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #460 on: February 05, 2010, 02:12:10 PM »
Manakin Golem is almost done, and since you're prolly wondering who the Manakin are...


MANAKIN


   
"Being small has it's disadvantages.  The shocking lack of underwear among the biggie sized folk for example..."

 The Manakin race appears to be 6" tall humans.  Hair and skin color varies widely, just as with other humans, but among the Manakin it does so even among close family members.  A Manakin woman with what we would call African features may have a daughter who resembles a redheaded asian for instance.  Surprisingly the Manakins are a variant race of Human who have evolved to fill a specific niche since being brought to the Jester's World.

MANAKIN RACIAL TRAITS
·   -10 Str (minimum 1), +4 Dex, +2 Con, +2 Int, +2 Wis, +4 Cha
·   Size Class: Diminutive.  +4 Size Bonus to Armor Class and Attack Rolls. +12 Size Bonus to Hide Checks. -12 Size Penalty to Bull Rush, Grapple, Overrun, and Trip Checks. Lifting and Carrying Limits are one eighth those of a Medium character.
·   Humanoid with Human Subtype
·   Base land speed 5 ft.
·   Feats: Manakins receive any Luck Feat as a Bonus Feat (see Complete Scoundrel).
·   Manakin get a +4 Racial Bonus on Hide, Move Silently, Search, and Use Magic Device Checks.
·   Automatic and Bonus languages: Manakin automatically speak Manakin,  Bonus Languages are Common and Sylvan.
·   Level Adjustment: +3
·   Favored Class: Artificer

STARTING AGE
 Adulthood: 20
 Barbarian, Rogue, Sorcerer: +2d4
 Bard, Fighter, Paladin, Ranger: +3d6
 Cleric, Druid, Monk, Wizard: +4d6

AGING EFFECTS
 Middle Age: 50
 Old: 75
 Venerable: 100
 Maximum Age: +5d20 years

HEIGHT AND WEIGHT
 Base Height: 4"
 Height Modifier: +1d2"
 Base Weight: 6 ounces
 Weight Modifier: x2 ounces

MANAKIN CHARACTERS
 If you'd like to play a small Humanoid race that can hide easily, or one that likes to fool about with magical items, the Manakins are a pretty good option.  Playing them as anything but a caster of some sort will be tough though.
 Adventuring Race: Manakin often go on adventures on whims, just to see if they can, or to see new things, or just because they're bored with their daily routine.  Given that they also are prolific makers of magical items they also often need odd or rare pieces of materials for their work.  And their ability to hide well ensures they don't often find themselves dead or arrested like their full sized coworkers.
 Character Development: Manakins are magical tinkerers, always hoping to find or create new and exciting items, or find new variations on old ones.  Their small size really doesn't lend towards them becoming much else other than casters of some sort.  They're too small for weapons combat, and too small to carry loot for thieving purposes.  Plus their proficiency with magical items helps make up for their deficiencies in strength, size, and speed.
 Character Names: Male Names: Alain, Damian, Felix, Gregoire, Josue, Lucien, Marcel, Onesime, Rodolphe, Sylvain.  Female: Coco, Delphyne, Fanchette, Felice, Fleurette, Josette, Liesell, Lilane, Mireille, Zepherine.  Surnames: Baudeloque, Biennais, Chameroi, Charriere, de Lespinasse, Despaux, Dumoulin, Foucalt, Gautier, Moncelet.

ROLEPLAYING A MANAKIN
 Being somewhat exotic you will initially attract lots of attention, especially by bigger races.  They tend to quickly grow tired of your unending questions, and you're seemingly being underfoot or into things all the time.  They also have trouble with your honesty and forthrightness (i.e. asking questions like "Who is that Ogre that smells like rotting fruit?  Is it his various skin diseases that cause that?" while said Ogre is within earshot).  
 Personality: Manakins tend to be curious, flighty, and given to doing things just to see what will happen.  This whimsy makes it easy for them to get along with the Fey, but not so good when dealing with larger races (especially given their paranoia of being stepped on).  Despite their whimsicalness however they tend to be loyal, so one need not worry over much about betrayal if he has befriended a Manakin (unless he has betrayed them first).  
 Behaviors: Manakins rarely do what their told (they're kinda stubborn and independent) unless they have great respect for the person giving the orders.  They prefer to look for new and novel ways of dealing with problems rather than using conventional wisdom.  They also feel the need to know about/get into everything, especially if they've been told not to.
 Language: Most Manakin speak their own language, and even have their own alphabet.   It sounds quite similar to French.

MANAKIN SOCIETY
 Manakin law is fairly relaxed, as they tend to shun anyone who commits truly bad offenses (usually anytime one of them commits a crime the entire village makes sure they know they need to change their ways).  Manakin devote a great deal of time to their children, as they believe their children are the future of their race and need the best of everything to get ahead in the world.  Unlike some race, succeeding generations don't seem to take this for granted, and despite being free-wheeling and fairly chaotic the Manakin's seem to avoid the generation gap others suffer.
 Alignment : Like other humans, all Alignments are fairly common among the Manakins, but they have slight tendencies towards both Chaos and Neutrality as opposed to their ancestors.  Many are quite whimsical and prone to following their dreams or sudden ideas.
 Lands : Manakins prefer remote areas where larger Humanoids and predators don't bother them (although larger is generally a relative term when discussing the Manakins).  Forests or grasslands or other areas with ample hiding places are given top priority.
 Settlements : Manakins will settle anywhere as long as there are plenty of places to hide from predators, and they can get their privacy (which generally means they avoid urban areas).
 Beliefs :The Manakins tend to shop about for Gods, each one having their own preference.  They prefer Neutrally inclined Gods, as the Good and Evil ones always insist they run about mucking around in the business of others which runs counter to the Manakins nature.
 Relations: Manakins are a tad xenophobic as other races have a history of stepping on them, and quite frankly they aren't very fond of that.  Not very fond at all.  They get along well enough with most Fey, and some Druids, but most Humanoids will be alarming to them.  Non Humanoid races will normally be considered monsters.

MANAKIN ADVENTURES
·   One of the villagers has fallen in love with a woman of the big folk, so he's asked your help in obtaining the ingredients for growth and shrinking potions.  You think he's gone loopy, but who are you to stand in the way of true love?  Or half thought out foolish schemes?
·   A drunken giant monster (an Orc) has been stumbling about near the village at night.  He's nearly killed several people by accident without realizing they were there several times, and you have been tasked with finding him and finding out whats wrong with him and fixing it.  Or barring that ensuring that he wont come back.
·   A local Stone Giant couple are getting a divorce, and as you are too small to be really noticeable both sides have hired your people to spy on the other to find dirt for the legal proceedings.  This has led to a bit of a problem.  On the one hand there's a bit of conflict of interest.  On the other hand they may squish you all if you say no...
« Last Edit: February 27, 2010, 04:54:52 AM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #461 on: February 06, 2010, 03:19:29 AM »
Wait so its a golem MADE out of? Weird.  :o

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #462 on: February 06, 2010, 01:44:22 PM »
Wait so its a golem MADE out of? Weird.  :o

Not quite...lemme redo the fluff a  bit to clear things up

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #463 on: February 10, 2010, 01:17:12 PM »
Dire Cow
                      Huge Animal
Hit Dice:             12d8+60 (114 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (-2 Size, +10 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +9/+27
Attack:               WHAP! +17 melee (2d8+15)
Full Attack:          WHAP! +17 melee (2d8+15)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Trample (3d8+15), Stampede
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +13, Ref +8, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 30, Dex 10, Con 20, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +11, Spot +10
Feats:                Alertness, Endurance,
Environment:          Temperate Plains
Organization:         Solitary, or Herd (4-12)
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          13-18 HD (Huge), 19-24 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ----

MOO!

"Bert I blame you for this."

"Blame me for what?  Nuthin's happened yet."

MOO!

"Giant cows Bert? Have we learned nuthin' in our travels?"

MOO!

"So you think herding the Dire Cows was a bad idea?"

"No I think it's  perfectly fine"

"Well what..."

"OF COURSE I THINK IT'S A BAD IDEA DAMMIT!"

MOO!

Dire Cows were a well meaning Wizard experiment on creating more food.  They forgot that bigger cows need more feed though.  So while there's lots more milk and beef, you really need to have a buttload of hay (or whatever you feed cows).  It's easier to let them roam wild and find their own food and hunt them down when you need one for food.  But letting them run free can be dangerous (although it's not exactly easy to pen them up at their size).

Trample (Ex): DC 26 Reflex Save for half damage (Save DC is Str Based).

Stampede (Ex): If Dire Cattle get spooked they will stampede, royally screwing up the day of anyone in their path.  Anything in the path of the Stampede takes 3d8+15 damage for every 2 cows in the herd, with a DC 26 Reflex Save for half damage (Save DC is Str Based).

Combat: Dire Cattle usually kick, headbutt or just squash anything much smaller than them.  If it's large or bigger, or makes lots of sudden noise they stampede.


Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #464 on: February 11, 2010, 02:33:30 AM »
A golem made out of tiny people would be just as good.  :ninja

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #465 on: February 16, 2010, 02:26:27 PM »
Darwin Monkey
                      Small Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice:             3d8+3 (16 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class:          12 (+1 Size, +1 Dex), touch 12, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/-2
Attack:               Slap +4 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack:          2 Slaps +4 melee (1d3-1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Fury
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Sagely Advice, Stubborn Disbelief
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 8 (10 while Furious), Dex 12, Con 12, Int 18, Wis 14, Cha 14
Skills:               Bluff +8, Climb +7, Gather Information +8, Hide +11, Knowledge (any 3) +12, Listen +8, Sense Motive +8, Spot +8, Survival +2
Feats:                Improved Initiative, Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Neutral
Advancement:          4-6 HD
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...I don't think we shoulda ate those pine cones..."

"Why not?  It's all we've got."

"I'm seein' monkeys Bert.  Big monkeys with old man faces..."

"We see you too _______.  Get off our land!"

"Ha! They remind me of paw! Wait howcum I can see your hallucinations..."

Darwin Monkeys are named after an old sage (presumably their discoverer or creator).  Most resemble brown or black furred monkeys of unusual stature, with no tails, and the head of a bearded old man.  Disconcerting to see peering at you from the darkness when you wake in the middle of the night to say the least.  Darwin Monkeys speak Common and 4 languages from other nearby races.

Fury (Ex): Darwin monkeys are slightly unstable, and once they are hurt in combat they become Furious for the rest of the encounter (after which they are exhausted for 1d4 rounds).  While they are furious anyone successfully struck by their Slap attack must make a DC 11 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Strength Based) or be Stunned 1 round.  They also gain a +2 Bonus to Strength for the duration of their Fury.

Sagely Advice (Ex): Darwin Monkeys effectively have the Bardic Knowledge ability (see page 28 of the PHB), substituting their Hit Dice for Bard Level.

Stubborn Disbelief (Ex): Darwin Monkeys do not believe in Gods, and have a +2 Bonus on all Saves against Divine Magic.

Skills: Darwin Monkeys have a +8 Racial Bonus to all Climb Checks and all Knowledge Checks.

Combat: Darwin Monkeys prefer to hide rather than fight (though their acerbic wit tends to start fights when they're around rather often).  Sometimes when the Fury overtakes them they do put up a rather nasty slapping demonstration.


Improved Familiar Note: The Darwin Monkey may be chosen as a Familiar using the Improved Familiar Feat at 5th level by a neutral caster.

« Last Edit: February 26, 2010, 03:37:48 PM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #466 on: February 25, 2010, 01:45:49 PM »
Nerf Golem
                      Medium Construct
Hit Dice:             2d10+20 (31 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class:          12 (+2 Dex), touch 12, flat-footed 10
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+2
Attack:               Nerf Fist +2 melee (1d4+1)
Full Attack:          2 Nerf Fists +2 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Nerf
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Construct Traits, DR 15/Slashing or Piercing, Immunity to Magic
Saves:                Fort +0, Ref +2, Will +0
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 15, Con -, Int -, Wis 10, Cha 3
Skills:               -
Feats:                -
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Abner I've seen some damn silly things used as minions in mah time, but this..."

Arkimedes was a passable alchemist.  Passable meaning not famous.  Of course alchemy alone won't guarantee fame, and Arkimedes wasn't the greatest of casters.  Toiling hard in his shop one night trying to create a new form of building material, he accidentally created Nerf.  A soft spongy material that had odd magical effects on people (and things).  

Nerf (Su): Whenever the Nerf Golem successfully damages an opponent with it's Fist Attack, that opponent must make a DC 13 Willpower Save (Save DC is Constitution Based with a +2 Racial Bonus) or lose a random Class Ability gained from their highest Class level (the fist attack does non-lethal damage).  If they have no class abilities from that level they lose one from the next lowest level.  Casters may lose the use of one of their highest level spells instead.  This lasts for 1d3 rounds.

Immunity to Magic: The Nerf Golem is immune to any Spell or Spell-Like Ability that allows Spell Resistance.

Combat: Nerf Golems suck tactically, and usually just wade in swinging much like any other Golem.   Sometimes they do enjoy the use of special Nerf weapons though.

Nerf Weapon
Price: +1 Bonus
Property: Weapon
Caster Level:
Aura:
Activation: ---

Nerf Weapons do non-lethal damage, and when wielded by Nerf Golems, the Golem may use it's Nerf Special Attack with this weapon as well as with it's fists.
Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor,
Cost to Create: Varies
« Last Edit: March 11, 2010, 04:04:20 AM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #467 on: February 26, 2010, 04:54:46 AM »
But, ike, urk, NERF?  :o

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #468 on: February 26, 2010, 05:10:09 AM »
 :lol

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #469 on: February 26, 2010, 08:03:19 AM »
Nerf Golem should basically be a warforged with arm-mounted crossbows that shoot bolts that deal nonlethal damage... :D
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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #470 on: February 26, 2010, 03:32:55 PM »
Think +3 LA is right for the Manakin?

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #471 on: February 26, 2010, 07:38:19 PM »
I'm not good at judging such things, so just a nitpick: Luck feats are primarily featured in Complete Scoundrel.
It's all about vision and making reality conform to your vision. By dropping a fucking house on it.

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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #472 on: February 27, 2010, 04:55:21 AM »
Fixed.  Man I'm having the worst couple of weeks/

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #473 on: March 03, 2010, 02:08:30 PM »
ok, what NERF weapons are there besides darts, guns, and the axe?

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #474 on: March 03, 2010, 09:24:25 PM »
I just thought of something, this place could use a "Wand golem". Imagine the destructive force, every step could send someone flying through the nine hells and back...

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #475 on: March 03, 2010, 10:35:31 PM »
ok, what NERF weapons are there besides darts, guns, and the axe?
Well, there's this.
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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #476 on: March 04, 2010, 02:08:31 AM »
ok, what NERF weapons are there besides darts, guns, and the axe?
Well, there's this.
Yeah. Also the vulcan should get it's own category, being a belt-fed automatic nerf gun.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2010, 02:15:47 AM by jojolagger »
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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #477 on: March 08, 2010, 12:51:21 AM »
http://www.monstropedia.org/index.php?title=Drekavac
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drekavac
http://www.mythicalcreaturesguide.com/page/Drekavac
http://www.newanimal.org/gmonkey.htm

doing cryptid version first

Drekavac
                      Small Animal
Hit Dice:             1/2d8 (2 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class:          13 (+1 Size, +2 Dex), touch 13, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-5
Attack:               Bite +2 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack:          Bite +2 melee (1d3-1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Screech
Special Qualities:    Enhanced Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 14, Con 11, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 8
Skills:               Balance +10, Climb +11, Jump +11, Listen +5, Spot +5
Feats:                Alertness, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment:          Underground or Temperate Forest
Organization:         Solitary or Pair
Challenge Rating:     1/4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...I know they want one of these for some reason...but if it doesn't get off my face and stop screaming..."

Drekavac have been described as various different beings.  It has been said to resemble a large Aye-Aye, a canine whose hind legs are similar to a kangaroos, or even an odd looking bird.  This is the cryptid version (which is far more harmless than the mythical one).

Screech (Ex): The Drakavac's screams are particularly unnerving (particularly if you didn't realize it was there before). A Drekavac may scream as a Swift Action and all living beings within 30' must make a DC 12 Willpower Save (Save DC is Con Based with a +2 Racial Bonus) or be Frightened for 1 round.

Enhanced Low Light Vision (Ex): As regular Low Light Vision, but has twice the range.

Light Sensitivity (Ex): Drekavac are Dazzled in sunlight on in the area of effect of a Daylight spell.

Skills: Drekavac have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance, Climb, and Jump Checks.  It may always Take 10 on a Balance or Climb Check, and it may use either it's Str or Dex Modifier for Climb and Jump Checks, whichever is better.

Combat: Drekavac are irritable and easily spooked and usually flee after screeching.  If someone approaches they bite hysterically before fleeing.  Fleeing is the operative word here.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #478 on: March 09, 2010, 05:09:13 AM »
Nerf Golem updated.

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #479 on: March 09, 2010, 10:53:58 PM »
Nerf Golem updated.
It. NERFS. Them.
 :thought :twitch :lol :lmao :cheers