Author Topic: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature  (Read 147668 times)

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Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #440 on: January 13, 2010, 03:10:40 AM »
Mebbe 3, since it has regen AND ferocity. I like the idea though!  :D

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #441 on: January 13, 2010, 03:59:13 AM »
Combat: Troll Boars usually squeal like, well...a pig, before rushing the opponent and messily devouring his toes.  They have little to no fear being as they know they'll just heal back.
I know this is just a typo from being written quickly, but it is a funny one....unless Troll Boars main diet is the toes of their enemies... :smirk

I'd say 2 or 3 for the CR, and seconded on the liking of the idea.
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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #442 on: January 13, 2010, 02:26:29 PM »
Combat: Troll Boars usually squeal like, well...a pig, before rushing the opponent and messily devouring his toes.  They have little to no fear being as they know they'll just heal back.
I know this is just a typo from being written quickly, but it is a funny one....unless Troll Boars main diet is the toes of their enemies... :smirk

I'd say 2 or 3 for the CR, and seconded on the liking of the idea.

Yup.  I actually meant toes :D

CR 3? Even though its one hit die?

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #443 on: January 14, 2010, 12:08:55 AM »
Well, one HD will last a while if you can run away and regen....CR 2 seems fair.
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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #444 on: January 14, 2010, 01:24:24 PM »
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theridion_grallator

Smiley Faced Spider
                      Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             4d10+8 (30 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (+3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+8
Attack:               Bite +7 melee (1d6 plus poison)
Full Attack:          Bite +7 melee (1d6 plus poison)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Poison
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60 ft., Mind Shield
Saves:                Fort +6, Ref +7, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 11, Dex 17, Con 15, Int 12, Wis 14, Cha 12
Skills:               Climb, Hide, Jump, Spot
Feats:                Ability Focus (Poison), Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          5-8 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Abner...that just ain't right."

"Ah never liked mages."

Smiley Faced Spiders are definitely magically engineered.  The bizarre nature of their appearance and abilities leaves little other option.  The identity of their original creator is unknown, but he is believed to have lived in a particular jungle as they are rife there, and spreading quickly.

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude Save DC 16, Initial Damage is identical to the effects of a Tasha's Hideous Laughter spell (Caster Level is equal to HD), Secondary Damage is 1d6 Wisdom.

Mind Shield (Ex): The Smiley Face Spider permanently has the benefits of a Mind Blank spell (Caster Level equals HD).

Combat: Smiley Face Spiders try to bite victims as quickly as possible to immobilize them so they can begin eating them alive.

« Last Edit: January 16, 2010, 12:28:48 PM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #445 on: January 16, 2010, 12:41:37 PM »

Giant Tarantula
                      Large Vermin
Hit Dice:             6d8+18 (45 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +7/+15
Attack:               Bite +10 melee (2d6+6 plus poison)
Full Attack:          Bite +10 melee (2d6+6 plus poison)
Space/Reach:         10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Poison, Urticating Hairs
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Tremorsense 60', Scent
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +5, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 18, Dex 15, Con 16, Int -, Wis 14, Cha 2
Skills:               Climb +12, Hide +2, Spot +12
Feats:                Ability Focus (Urticating Hairs),
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary or Group (2-4)
Challenge Rating:     5
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Spiders freak me out man."

"I uh...I'd avoid turning around..."

Giant Tarantulas are feared jungle predators, vulnerable to only magical beings or the largest predators.

Poison: Injury, DC 16 Fortitude Save negates, Initial damage is 1d6 Dexterity, Secondary damage is Paralysis for 2d6 rounds.

Urticating Hairs: As a Standard Action the Tarantula can turn it's back to the enemy and rub its legs on its abdomen to loosen it's barbed urticating hairs in a 15'x15'x15' cloud towards it's opponents.  Anything in the Area of Effect must make a DC 18 Fortitude Save (Save DC is COnstitution based) or suffer a -2 Circumstance Penalty to all rolls for 1d6 days.  If they fail the Save by 5 or more they are also Blinded for 1d6 minutes.  Urticating hairs stay in the air for 2d4 rounds, and are still active if a wind or some other activity stirs them up off the ground.

Run (Ex): During a Charge, or when fleeing in a straight line, the Tarantula can move up to twice it's normal speed.

Skills: Giant Tarantulas have a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb, and Spot Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.  They also have a +4 Racial Bonus on Hide Checks.

Combat:  Tarantulas are ambush predators, preferring to strike from hiding and letting their venom do the bulk of the work.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #446 on: January 19, 2010, 12:02:41 PM »
Bafoon
                      Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             5d10+5 (32 hp)
Initiative:           +6
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+2 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +5/+7
Attack:               Bite +7 melee (1d6+2)
Full Attack:          Bite +7 melee (1d6+2)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Riddle
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60'
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +6, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 15, Dex 14, Con 12, Int 14, Wis 14, Cha 14
Skills:               Bluff +7, Climb +10, Hide +7, Intimidate +7, Listen +7, Move Silently +7, Sense Motive +6, Spot +6
Feats:                Ability Focus (Riddle), Improved Initiative
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Troop (10-40)
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Always Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          6-10 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"What do you call a zipper on a banana?"

"Monkeys gotta die Bert."

"Now Abner..."

"Don't now me.  That monkeys evil.  The zipper reference was a dead give away."

Bafoons are enchanted Baboons that can speak common, and know a seemingly endless supply of Riddles.  Unfortunately the consequences of trying to answer their riddles and failing is not what most people would consider acceptable.  They also happen to be thieving bastards and will quite willingly rob a party blind of food and shiny objects.  It's assumed as usual a mage is responsible for their creation, although God knows what for.  They make sucky guards.

Riddle (Su): The Bafoon is adept at cursing people, and it disguises this as a riddle.  They have successfully convinced the locals that anyone failing to answer a Bafoons riddle is cursed.  In reality the Bafoon can curse people at will as a Supernatural Ability.  The Bafoon may choose to mimic the effects of one of the following spells when cursing an individual if they fail a DC16 Will Save: Bestow Curse, Confusion, Contagion, or Crushing Despair.

Skills: Bafoons get a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks, and may Always Take 10 on a Climb Check.

Combat: Bafoons prefer to use their Riddles at first, running for help if a party seems tough.  After all it's easier to take them on when you have a few dozen friends willing to help.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2010, 09:42:26 AM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #447 on: January 24, 2010, 09:48:05 AM »
Cameleon
                      Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             1d10+1 (6 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                10 ft. (2 squares), Climb 10 ft.
Armor Class:          13 (+2 Size, -1 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/-11
Attack:               Bite +0 melee (1d3-4)
Full Attack:          Bite +0 melee (1d3-4)
Space/Reach:          2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60 ft, Camouflage, Wide Angle Vision, Camera Eyes
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +2, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 3, Dex 8, Con 12, Int 15, Wis 15, Cha 2
Skills:               Climb +8, Hide +11, Listen +5, Move Silently +3, Search +8, Spot +8
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Any Temperate or Warm except Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     1/4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          2 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"So you're sure this thing can spot mah wife doing bad things, and the courts will accept it's word for it?"

"Yessir! Shouldn't be a problem.  Domestic disputes have long been a specialty of MCFAO industries.!"

"MCFAO?"

"Magical Critters For All Occasions."

"I dunno.  THis seems a little offbeat..."

"Just rent the darn lizard so we can get on with our lives Bert."

Cameleons are magically engineered lizards who can 'record' whatever they see, and play it back again via illusion later.  This has revolutionized the spy/sabotage industries, as well as making bribing clergy and politicians much easier.  It's also led to torch bearing anti-lizard mobs...

Camouflage (Su): Cameleons may cast invisibility at will as a Supernatural Ability.  Caster level is equal to (HD+3).

Wide Angle Vision (Ex): The Cameleons adjustable eyes and wide range of vision make it immune to  being flanked, and grant it a +4 Racial Bonus to Search and Spot Checks.

Camera Eyes (Su): The Cameleon can 'record' as long as it can successfully Concentrate (similar to a spell that requires Concentration), and play it back later.  This is the equivalent of a Silent Image, except the Cameleon cant create the image it wants, it just plays back what its seen.

Skills: The Cameleon gains a +8 Racial Bonus to Hide and Climb Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.  Chameleons use their Dex or Str Modifier for Climb Checks.

Combat: Cameleons aren't made for combat.  unfortunately they really aren't made for fleeing either, which puts them between a rock and a hard place some times.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2010, 02:24:05 PM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #448 on: January 24, 2010, 11:47:53 PM »
I hope you mean "Chameleon".

ps. when will you go back to the style of the original abominations of nature, like the bell golem or the beholder varients. As nice as they are, all of the dire animals are starting to get tired.

MyndBulletz

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #449 on: January 25, 2010, 03:22:27 AM »
I hope you mean "Chameleon".

Nope, he means "Cam"eleon. Note the Special Qualities section...Camera Eyes...probably a pun
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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #450 on: January 25, 2010, 03:27:01 PM »
Yup.  'nother bad pun critter.  I'll be doing more abominations and such eventually, I've just had tons of requests for dire critters and odd magical beasties of late and I'm trying to erase the backlog.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #451 on: January 25, 2010, 03:31:45 PM »
Huh. I thought at first it was supposed to be a "Camel"eon (moar drunk wizards getting their kicks) and didn't notice the Camera Eyes and Wide Angle Vision. :D
It's all about vision and making reality conform to your vision. By dropping a fucking house on it.

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Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #452 on: January 26, 2010, 02:46:00 AM »
Huh. I thought at first it was supposed to be a "Camel"eon (moar drunk wizards getting their kicks) and didn't notice the Camera Eyes and Wide Angle Vision. :D
Well wide angle vision makes a ton of sense for a normal chameleon, so thats not much of a change.
I my self thought that the camel joke was to obvious for bhu to do ad I was right!

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #453 on: January 27, 2010, 02:35:04 PM »
Hive Golem
                      Large Construct
Hit Dice:             8d10+30 (74 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          14 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+14
Attack:               Slam +9 melee (2d6+4)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +9 melee (2d6+4)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Swarm
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Construct traits, Low Light Vision, Immunity to Magic, DR 15/slashing or piercing
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 18, Dex 12, Con -, Int -, Wis 10, Cha 2
Skills:               -
Feats:                -
Environment:          Any (but see below)
Organization:         Solitary, or Hive (4-8)
Challenge Rating:     6 for the Golem itself, 7 with a Wasp or Locust swarm, 8 with a Bloodmote Cloud or Rapture Locust Swarm, or 9 with a Bloodfiend Locust or Hellwasp Swarm
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          9-12 HD (Large), 13-16 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"A Golem?  Well I suppose it's a change of pace.  Wait, whats that crawling all over it?"

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!"

Hive Golems are large, spongy humanoid forms that are basically large ambulatory hives for some sort of flying insect.  Most carry wasps or Locusts, but some carry much worse things...  They're quite popular as guards among farming mages and weirdos.  

Swarm (Ex): At will as a Free Action the Hive Golem can unleash a swarm to attack it's foes.  A large Hive Golem can hold a swarm of Wasps (FF), Locusts (MM), a Bloodmote Cloud (LM), Bloodfiend Locusts (FF), Hellwasps (MM), or Rapture Locusts (FF).  A Huge one can carry two of them.  Should the Hive Golem be attacked, the swarm will respond without the Golem needing to use a Free Action.  The swarm is considered to have total Concealment while inside the Golem.

Immune to Magic (Ex): A Hive Golem is immune to any Spell or Spell-Like Ability that allows Spell Resistance.  There are a few exceptions as follows: Repel Vermin prevents the Golem from approaching if the Swarm is inside it at the time.  Insect Plague acts as a Cure Serious Wounds spell on the Hive Golems swarm.  

Combat: Hive Golems tend to unleash their swarm, following in behind them with their fists.

work in progrees
« Last Edit: February 04, 2010, 12:40:06 PM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #454 on: January 28, 2010, 03:02:13 AM »
Now THIS is the shit I'm talkin' 'bout!
Epic  :evillaugh

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #455 on: January 28, 2010, 01:05:55 PM »
I thought you'd get a giggle out of this one  :smirk

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #456 on: January 29, 2010, 12:48:59 PM »
Whilst I try figuring out the CR of the Hive Golem I might as well prep the next one:

                      Fungal Golem
                      Large Construct
Hit Dice:             9d10+30 (79 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (-1 Size, - Dex, +10 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+17
Attack:               Slam +12 melee (2d6+7)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +12 melee (2d6+7)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spores
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Construct traits, Plantlike, Immune to Magic
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +2, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 8, Con -, Int -, Wis 10, Cha 1
Skills:               
Feats:                -
Environment:          Any except Cold or Desert
Organization:         Solitary or Ring (5-12)
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          10-13 HD (Large), 14-18 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...whut the Hell is that thing?"

"No idea.  I say we just shoot it dead from here.  It doesn't look like something I wanna touch."

Fungal Golems (also known as Toadstool Golems) are horrifying humanoid masses of fungus tissue surrounded by clouds of spores.  They look bad.  They smell bad.  They're disposition is not sunny.  And worse, they can reproduce forcibly by converting others.  For this reason they aren't commonly used as guards by many races.  That and the fact that enough fungus must be grown to assemble a Golem.

Spores (Ex): A cloud of spores has the chance to affect anything in the Golems square, or any adjacent square.  Effectively th spores work like a disease.  Contact, DC 18 (Save DC is Con Based with a +4 Racial Bonus). Incubation Period 1 day, Damage is 1d6 Con.  Successive Saves will not end the disease.  Only a Remove Disease spell or potent anti-fungal drugs will cure the disease (drugs cost 10 GP assuming you can find someone who knows how to make them).  If the disease kills the victim, it rises the 1d4 days later as a Fungal Golem

Plantlike (Ex): Fungal Golems also have all the traits of the Plant Type, and are considered Plants for the purposes of spells/effects.

Immune to Magic (Ex): A Fungal Golem is immune to any Spell or Spell-Like Ability that allows Spell Resistance.  There are a few exceptions as follows: An Antiplant Shell still keeps them at bay.

Combat: Fungal Golems move into melee as soon as possible to expose victims to their spores.  They bash away a few rounds to infect them, and then flee to let the spores work unless they've been told otherwise.

« Last Edit: January 31, 2010, 10:59:35 AM by bhu »

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #457 on: January 31, 2010, 11:21:04 AM »
Manakin Golem
                      Medium Construct
Hit Dice:             4d10+20 (42 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          19 (-1 Dex, +10 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 19
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+6
Attack:               Slam +6 melee (1d6+3)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +6 melee (1d6+3)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spectacular Malfunction
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Low Light Vision, Construct Traits, Immune to Magic, DR 5/-
Saves:                Fort +1, Ref +0, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 16, Dex 8, Con -, Int -, Wis 10, Cha 1
Skills:               -
Feats:                -
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          5-8 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"GREETINGS FELLOW PERFECTLY NORMAL HUMANS!  IS IT NOT A WONDERFUL DAY FOR CONVERSATION?"

"Bert, who is this guy?

"I ENJOY BEER AND FORNICATION MUCH LIKE ANY OTHER MAN!"

"Dunno.  He followed me from town.  He's...a little odd."

"I COME FROM A FAR LAND WITH CUSTOMS YOU MAY FIND STRANGE! IGNORE ME!"

"I'm about to whack him over the head  for general purposes Bert."

"FAT WOMEN ARE THE WORLDS KINDEST LOVERS!  BEHOLD THAT OGRE WOMAN! TRULY SHE MUST BE THE KINDEST OF WOMEN!"

"Thanks for announcing our presence to the local wandering monsters numbnuts.  Do you have an inside voice by any chance?"

"IGNORE ME!"

"Small chance of that...'

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING FAT?"


Occasionally the Manakin race feels the need to study other humanoid races, and decide to do so from the protective insides of a specially created clockwork Golem designed to resemble a member of a Humanoid race (usually humans).  A Manakin Golem can comfortably carry 6 Manakin and 30 days of supplies inside it. 

Manakin Golems resemble humans (usually), albeit with odd things like a few too many fingers, or wire for hair, or some other oddity.  A built in magic speaker allows them to communicate (i.e. one of the passengers acts as it's voice and has mental control of it's movements), but with the Manakin's...fragmented knowledge of human custom it doesn't always work out so well.

Spectacular Malfunction (Ex): Once a Manakin Golem is reduced to half hit points or less it is damaged enough to be an obvious construct.  It also begins to misfire badly, and each turn the controller must make a d20 roll plus his Wisdom modifier and consult the following table:

-3 to 0: Golems head explodes doing 1d10 damage to everything within 10' (but this does not incapacitate it afterwards in any way)
1 to 5: Golem is Paralyzed until next round
6 to 10: Golem is Slowed until next round
11 to 15: Golem is Confused until next round
16 to 20: Golem acts normally
21+: Golem is +1 on all rolls until the next round

Immune to Magic (Ex): A Manakin Golem is immune to any Spell or Spell-Like Ability that allows Spell Resistance.

Combat:  Manakins generally direct their Golem to flee or use any weapon that does more damage than it's fists if it encounters trouble.   many Golems are equipped with ports that allow casters traveling inside to cast offensive spells from it.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2010, 01:24:18 PM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #458 on: February 01, 2010, 02:35:46 AM »
Don't forget to do the hive golem's CR.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #459 on: February 01, 2010, 10:54:42 PM »
Don't forget to do the hive golem's CR.

I wont Im just having to wait till I have time to look up hte CR for the various swarms it carries so I can fiddle with it