Author Topic: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature  (Read 148436 times)

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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #420 on: December 12, 2009, 02:32:14 PM »
Inspired by the Death Throes'd  Elysian Thrush?

who?

veekie

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #421 on: December 12, 2009, 06:13:10 PM »
Trick where you summon an adorable healing burdie, cast the Death Throes spell on it, and then send it to fly near your enemy and nuke it.
The mind transcends the body.
It's also a little cold because of that.
Please get it a blanket.

I wish I could read your mind,
I can barely read mine.

"Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. At 2:15, it begins rolling up characters."

[spoiler]
"Just what do you think the moon up in the sky is? Everyone sees that big, round shiny thing and thinks there must be something round up there, right? That's just silly. The truth is much more awesome than that. You can almost never see the real Moon, and its appearance is death to humans. You can only see the Moon when it's reflected in things. And the things it reflects in, like water or glass, can all be broken, right? Since the moon you see in the sky is just being reflected in the heavens, if you tear open the heavens it's easy to break it~"
-Ibuki Suika, on overkill

To sumbolaion diakoneto moi, basilisk ouranionon.
Epigenentheto, apoleia keraune hos timeis pteirei.
Hekatonkatis kai khiliakis astrapsato.
Khiliarkhou Astrape!
[/spoiler]

There is no higher price than 'free'.

"I won't die. I've been ordered not to die."

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #422 on: December 13, 2009, 01:18:07 AM »
Combustable Chickens: yet another thing that can be broken with Wildshape -> Fire elemental.  :D
Edit: I just noticed that the original kaiju has not been updated. Fix plox.
« Last Edit: December 13, 2009, 08:40:53 AM by Radmelon »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #423 on: December 13, 2009, 01:08:35 PM »
                    Kaiju fixeded

Ram
                      Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             9d10+27 (76 hp)
Initiative:           +6
Speed:                50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (+2 Dex, +6 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple:  +9/+12
Attack:               Head Butt +12 melee (2d4+3)
Full Attack:          Head Butt +12 melee (2d4+3)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Ram
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Burst of Speed
Saves:                Fort +9, Ref +8, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 16, Dex 15, Con 16, Int 5, Wis 15, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +8, Spot +8
Feats:                Greater Powerful Charge, improved Initiative, Reckless Charge, Powerful Charge (see Miniature's Handbook)
Environment:          Temperate Hills
Organization:         Solitary or Flock (6-20)
Challenge Rating:     5
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          10-18 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Whats wrong Bert?  It's just sheep."

"Abner...the time has come to tell you why I don't like sheep.  Just as soon as we climb that tree."

Rams are magically enhanced domestic sheep.  They were meant to look like harmless sheep on purpose.  In reality they have incredibly powerful legs that can propel them at tremendous speeds.  They are also stubborn, easily excited, and virtually untrainable.  Worthless as livestock as they are too hard to control.  Exactly why they were made is anyone's guess as it's assumed the territorial little monsters killed their creator not long after being made.  They do make the lives of local farmers more interesting though.

Ram (Ex): The Ram adds an additional 1d4 damage to it's head butt attack for every 10' it moves while attacking (maximum of +10d4). 

Burst of Speed (Ex): The Ram can increase it's move to 100 ft every 1d4 rounds, but only if it moves in a straight line.

Combat: Rams open with a charge before running away.  So they can charge again.  They love whacking people with their head from long distances.  
« Last Edit: December 16, 2009, 12:51:47 PM by bhu »

Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #424 on: December 14, 2009, 02:15:47 AM »
Kaiju Fixeded? Squee!  0:) :evillaugh

jojolagger

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #425 on: December 18, 2009, 07:34:22 AM »
Kaiju Fixeded? Squee!  0:) :evillaugh
With that response I would expect  :D, :love, or :bow.
Countdown to Zombie Apocalypse 97
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In other words, he thinks there's a "correct" way to play D&D.  *sigh*
There is: Kill shit and loot the corpse!
When you use a tool the way it was designed for -- its intended function -- then it will work very well for you.

But it's not the tool's fault if you use it for something else and you fail utterly, such as trying to eat cereal with a butterknife, pounding nails with a screwdriver, blogging to voice your political opinions, and brushing your teeth with a hammer.
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Radmelon

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #426 on: December 19, 2009, 01:19:31 AM »
Kaiju Fixeded? Squee!  0:) :evillaugh
With that response I would expect  :D, :love, or :bow.

I didn't want to reuse the same old emotes.  ;)

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #427 on: December 19, 2009, 04:01:55 PM »
Any thoughts on CR?

Bore
                      Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             13d10+39 (110 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (+8 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +13/+15
Attack:               Gore +15 melee (1d8+3)
Full Attack:          Gore +15 melee (1d8+3)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Aura of Boredom
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Scent
Saves:                Fort +11, Ref +8, Will +8
Abilities:            Str 15, Dex 10, Con 17, Int 5, Wis 15, Cha 12
Skills:               Listen +12, Spot +12
Feats:                Ability Focus (Aura of Boredom), Alertness, Diehard, Endurance, Iron Will
Environment:         Temperate Forests
Organization:         Solitary or Herd (5-8)
Challenge Rating:     8
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          14-20 HD (Medium), 21-26 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Y'know Bert we should prolly shoot that pig down there."

"Ayuh."

"Somehow I just don't feel like it though."

"Ayuh."

"Good thing he ain't goin' anywhere."


Bores appear as domesticated hogs wearing a facial expression of terminal apathy.  Terminal for you anyway.  If you're within range of their Aura, there's bad times comin' for you as they aren't picky about what they eat, and their Aura is how they supplement their diet in lean times as they simply wander over and begin to eat apathetic victims alive.

No appreciable explanation has been given for their existence, but it is notable that many farmers with serious magical abilities use them as 'pets' (i.e. evil minions).  Not that there are many farming Wizards...

Aura of Boredom (Su): Anything within 60' of the Bore must make a DC 19 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based) or begin to suffer from terminal boredom (opponents who Save successfully are immune to this Bores Aura for 24 hours).  Anyone failing the Save must make another Willpower Save (same DC, +1 cumulative for each round within range of the Bores Aura) to perform any Full Round or Standard Action, or anything requiring a Concentration check.  It must also Save if it wishes to use any class abilities based on emotions (for example Rage, Frenzy, or Wild Surge).  Crushing apathy also causes it to lose it's Dexterity Bonus to Armor Class as long as it is under the effect of this ability.  The effects of the Aura last as long as the Bore is within range.

Combat:  Bores tend to flee if opponents prove unaffected by their Aura unless they're fairly hungry.  If victims are affected however they just kind of wander over trying to appear curious, and then begin devouring their unsuspecting prey.
« Last Edit: December 26, 2009, 08:28:25 AM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #428 on: December 26, 2009, 10:16:17 AM »
as puns go this one is prolly obscure

Ghost Frog
                      Fine Undead (Incorporeal)
Hit Dice:             1d12 (6 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                Fly 10 ft. (2 squares), Perfect
Armor Class:          23 (+8 Size, +4 Dex, +1 Deflection), touch 23, flat-footed 19
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-
Attack:               Nervously hesitant touch +4 melee touch (1d4 negative energy damage)
Full Attack:          Nervously hesitant touch +4 melee touch (1d4 negative energy damage)
Space/Reach:          1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Corrupting Touch, Abnormally Loud Ribbit
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Undead traits, Incorporeal traits, Manifestation, Rejuvenation, +2 Turn Resistance, Sense Living 60'
Saves:                Fort +0, Ref +4, Will +3
Abilities:            Str -, Dex 18, Con -, Int 6, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills:               Hide +30, Listen +3, Move Silently +12, Spot +10
Feats:                Ability Focus (Abnormally Loud Ribbit)
Environment:          Warm Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     1/2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral Evil
Advancement:          2 HD (Diminutive)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...does that frawg look a little...unusual to you?"

"That's cause hes daid Abner."

Ghost Frogs haunt jungle rivers, hiding in the shallows and scaring the crap out of people by ribbiting suddenly in an abnormally loud voice.  No ones quite sure how they come about, and assume some sort of weird curse or an easily ______ off God are responsible.  Oddly enough for once no one is blaming a Wizard.

Corrupting Touch (Su): The Ghost Frogs touch attack does 1d4 negative energy damage.

Abnormally Loud Ribbit (Su): Once every 1d4 rounds or so, the Ghost Frog will Ribbit.  Unless it senses the living approaching, when it will remain quiet until they are close by before letting rip.  Any creature within 10' of the Ghost Frog as it Ribbits must make a DC 12 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based with a +2 Racial Modifier) or be Panicked for 1 round, and Shaken for the duration of the encounter.

Manifestation (Su): Identical to the Ghost Ability listed on page 118 of the MM.

Rejuvenation (Su): Identical to the Ghost Ability listed on page 118 of the MM.

Sense Living (Su): Identical to the Blindsight Ability, but only senses living creatures.

Skills: +8 Racial Bonus to Hide, Move Silently, and Spot checks.

Combat: Ghost Frogs rarely realize they're dead, and so rarely attack the living by any means other than accident.  Their abnormally loud ribbits usually scare people badly enough that they get attacked, at which time something inside them snaps and they feel compelled to defend themselves.  THey also noticeably dislike Clerics, staying well back out of their range if possible, then sneaking up when the priest is asleep to ribbit next to his head,
« Last Edit: January 05, 2010, 01:26:50 PM by bhu »

Prime32

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #429 on: January 03, 2010, 01:41:35 AM »
Hey Uncle Kitty, ever statted a dire platypus? ;)
My work
The tier system in a nutshell:
[spoiler]Tier 6: A cartographer.
Tier 5: An expert cartographer or a decent marksman.
Tier 4: An expert marksman.
Tier 3: An expert marksman, cartographer and chef who can tie strong knots and is trained in hostage negotiation or a marksman so good he can shoot down every bullet fired by a minigun while armed with a rusted single-shot pistol that veers to the left.
Tier 2: Someone with teleportation, mind control, time manipulation, intangibility, the ability to turn into an exact duplicate of anything, or the ability to see into the future with perfect accuracy.
Tier 1: Someone with teleportation, mind control, time manipulation, intangibility, the ability to turn into an exact duplicate of anything and the ability to see into the future with perfect accuracy.[/spoiler]

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #430 on: January 03, 2010, 12:10:57 PM »
Hey Uncle Kitty, ever statted a dire platypus? ;)

ive been considering it...

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #431 on: January 05, 2010, 01:41:53 PM »
Dire Platypus
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             2d8+2 (11 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+2 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+2
Attack:               Spur +3 melee (1d6+1 plus poison)
Full Attack:          2 Spurs +3 melee (1d6+1 plus poison)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Poison
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Hold Breath, Blindsense 30'
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 13, Dex 15, Con 13, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills:               Escape Artist +6, Listen +2, Search +2, Spot +2, Swim +10
Feats:                Blind-Fighting, Ability Focus (Poison)(B), Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment:          Warm Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-5)
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Abner...the ducks here got fur..."

"Thems not ducks, thems Beavers."

"Beavers ain't got bills Abner..."

Dire Platypi are (almost) harmless water dwelling critters that simply wish to be left in peace.  And if they aren't, their poison will soon ensure that others DO leave them (perhaps not necessarily in peace).  Do not try to pet the fluffehs in the water childrens...

Poison (Ex): Injury, DC 14 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based), Initial damage is Paralysis for 1d4 minutes, Secondary damage is a -4 Penalty to all rolls for 24 hours, and a -2 to all Fortitude Saves for 1d6 days.

Hold Breath (Ex): The Dire Platypus can hold it's breath for (8x Con modifier) rounds before it risks drowning.

Blindsense (Ex): Dire Platypi can sense anything within 30' as long as they are underwater.

Skills: Dire Platypi get a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim Checks, and may always take 10 on a Swim check.  They may take the Run Action while swimming in a straight line.  They also gain a +4 Racial Bonus to Escape Artist and Search Checks.

Combat: Dire Platypi usually swat their opponents with their spurs and hope the venom takes effect.  If it doesn't they may repeat a round or two before fleeing.  Considering it's effects opponents had really better hope they make that Fort Save.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2010, 01:31:47 PM by bhu »

Prime32

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My work
The tier system in a nutshell:
[spoiler]Tier 6: A cartographer.
Tier 5: An expert cartographer or a decent marksman.
Tier 4: An expert marksman.
Tier 3: An expert marksman, cartographer and chef who can tie strong knots and is trained in hostage negotiation or a marksman so good he can shoot down every bullet fired by a minigun while armed with a rusted single-shot pistol that veers to the left.
Tier 2: Someone with teleportation, mind control, time manipulation, intangibility, the ability to turn into an exact duplicate of anything, or the ability to see into the future with perfect accuracy.
Tier 1: Someone with teleportation, mind control, time manipulation, intangibility, the ability to turn into an exact duplicate of anything and the ability to see into the future with perfect accuracy.[/spoiler]

veekie

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #433 on: January 06, 2010, 07:42:58 PM »
Smiley Spider MUST be done.
The mind transcends the body.
It's also a little cold because of that.
Please get it a blanket.

I wish I could read your mind,
I can barely read mine.

"Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. At 2:15, it begins rolling up characters."

[spoiler]
"Just what do you think the moon up in the sky is? Everyone sees that big, round shiny thing and thinks there must be something round up there, right? That's just silly. The truth is much more awesome than that. You can almost never see the real Moon, and its appearance is death to humans. You can only see the Moon when it's reflected in things. And the things it reflects in, like water or glass, can all be broken, right? Since the moon you see in the sky is just being reflected in the heavens, if you tear open the heavens it's easy to break it~"
-Ibuki Suika, on overkill

To sumbolaion diakoneto moi, basilisk ouranionon.
Epigenentheto, apoleia keraune hos timeis pteirei.
Hekatonkatis kai khiliakis astrapsato.
Khiliarkhou Astrape!
[/spoiler]

There is no higher price than 'free'.

"I won't die. I've been ordered not to die."

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #434 on: January 07, 2010, 09:29:54 AM »
Any thoughts on the Platypus venom as written?

Ruam

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #435 on: January 07, 2010, 04:27:18 PM »
It *sob* is a work of beauty. I think I got something in my eye...

I feel a certain amount of pain shoud be added to the poison and the damage should differ depending on the size of the attacked as a human, but not a dog, would survive the venom of a regular platypus. A dire one should prove a slightly bigger challenge to withstand.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #436 on: January 09, 2010, 01:32:12 PM »
Slight modification to platypus venom made.  You guys think CR 1 is fair?

Ruam

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #437 on: January 10, 2010, 06:36:10 PM »
I'd say it would be fair to raise it one notch, CR 1 is in my opinion a bit to low

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #438 on: January 11, 2010, 02:20:47 PM »
quick one before hte smiley spider

Troll Boar
                      Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             1d10+2 (7 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          17 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/-1
Attack:               Gore +6 melee (1d6)
Full Attack:          Gore +6 melee (1d6)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Ferocity
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Low Light Vision, Regeneration 3, Scent, Fearless
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 17, Con 15, Int 4, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills:               Listen +2, Search +2, Spot +2, Survival +6
Feats:                Endurance, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment:          Any except Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          4-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...didn't we eat thet pig yesterday?"
 
The village of La Mole needed a food source desperately for themselves and their poor truffle hunting pot bellied piggies.  Truffles brought in some nice money, but the village crops were getting worse each year.   In desperation they turned to a psychotic mage.  A psychotic mage with a thing for interspecies cross breeding.  In other words another in a long line of kooks who thought critters like the Owlbear were 'just spiffy'.

Mixing the Pot Bellied Pigs with Troll genetic materia, he created a new form of black miniature pig that regenerated after being eaten.  Of course constantly being flayed alive day after day has made the piggies a little...um...I believe crazy is the word most people would use.  

Ferocity (Ex): Troll Boars can fight and act normally from -1 to -9 hp.

Regeneration (Ex):  Troll Boar Regeneration doesn't work against Fire or Acid damage.  If a body part is severed it regrows within 3d6 minutes, or reattaches immediately if pressed against the stump.

Fearless (Ex): Troll Boars are immune to Fear.

Skills: Troll Boars have a +4 Racial Bonus to Search and Survival Checks.

Combat: Troll Boars usually squeal like, well...a pig, before rushing the opponent and messily devouring his toes.  They have little to no fear being as they know they'll just heal back.

« Last Edit: January 14, 2010, 01:06:37 PM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #439 on: January 12, 2010, 02:08:23 PM »
So whaddya think, CR 1 or 2 for the Boar?