Author Topic: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature  (Read 150431 times)

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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #40 on: October 12, 2008, 04:29:31 AM »
Typo on my part.  Im revising these as I post them and sometimes I miss stuff.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #41 on: October 12, 2008, 05:41:35 AM »
Ahhh, makes much more sense now.  I'm reminded of an old job i had with 2 different numeric keypad setups, one upside down to the other.  It made ringing up purchases occasionally more entertaining than necessary.  'Yes, sir, that'll be $84.27".... :jawdrop "I mean, $24.87...."
Winning an argument on the internet is like winning in the Special Olympics.  You won, but you're still retarded.

I made a Handbook!?

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #42 on: October 13, 2008, 09:08:40 AM »
Jobs are always made better by moments of unintentional comedy :D

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #43 on: October 15, 2008, 12:50:37 PM »
Carnal Mindflayer, Nautiloid
Large Aberration (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 12d8+60 (114 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class: 21 (-1 Size, +12 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 21
Base Attack/Grapple: +9/+20
Attack: Claw +15 melee (1d8+7)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +15 melee (1d8+7), and 1 Radula +10 melee (2d6+3)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Bore, Charge, Powerful Build
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 30, Damage Reduction 5/-, Amphibious
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +4, Will +12
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 10 , Con 24, Int 15, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills: Concentration +17, Knowledge (Psionics) +12, Listen +14, Psicraft +12, Spot +14, Use Psionic Device +14
Feats: Combat Manifestation, Improved Inititative, Power Attack, Improved Bull Rush, Reckless Charge *
Environment: Underground or any Aquatic
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 13
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: +11

* Combat Manifestation is from the Expanded Psionics Handbook, Reckless Charge is from the Miniature's Handbook.

"Abner..."

"Yuh Cletus?"

"Whut the hail is thet thar thang?"

"Ah dunno but it just et Bill Johnston. And his boat."

"S'pose we shud stop fishin'?"

"Now lets not be hasty Abner..."


Nautiloids are unusual even for mutates. They appear vaguely like incredibly stocky Mindflayers covered in a horn-like shell. Two great tusks jut from the sides of their jaws, which they use in ramming attacks. The mouth is surrounded by many fine tentacles, and it hides a huge radula, the Nautiloid's most fearsome weapon.  They're pretty xenophobic.  They don't even keep slaves.  Which means they spend much of their time ranting about the work they have to do or why they cant eat each others brains instead of those disgusting foreigners.  Then they stare at each other uncomfortably for a while.  Then they change the subject. Nautiloids speak Common and Aquan.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Nautiloid hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it may use it's Bore attack the next round.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Nautiloid manifests psionic powers as an 12th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Charge (Ex): A Nautiloid does 2d8+14 damage with a charge.

Powerful Build (Ex): Identical to the ability listed on page 12 of the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

Bore (Ex): With a successful grapple check the Nautiloids tentacles and radula bore into the victims skull killing it instantly. This does not work against creatures with multiple heads (at leas until its gotten all the heads), elementals, oozes, undead, constructs, and plants.

Combat: Nautiloids almost always charge, and follow up with a grapple if they believe they can. Psionics are reserved for trickier situation where brute force will not suffice.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2008, 01:26:38 PM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #44 on: October 16, 2008, 12:44:08 PM »
Carnal Mindflayer, Selachii
Large Aberration (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 10d8+40 (85 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: Swim 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+12
Attack: Bite +11 melee (1d10+5)
Full Attack: Bite +11 melee (1d10+5)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Swallow, Mind Blast
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +5, Will +10
Abilities: Str 20, Dex 15, Con 18, Int 19, Wis 17, Cha 17
Skills: Concentration +14, Hide +8, Knowledge (Psionics) +14, Listen +13, Move Silently +10, Psicraft +14, Spot +13, Swim +13, Use Psionic Device +13
Feats: Improved Initiative, Combat Manifestation, Ability Focus (Mind blast)
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: ---

"Awright!! Tourists!  I love tourists! Oooh and they have a lil dwarf hottie...Maybe I won't be eating them all after all..."

Selachii flayers resemble great purple sharks with lamprey like mouths surrounded by small tentacles, and no dorsal fin. They are perfectly adapted for underwater life.  Unlike real sharks these Mindflayer mutations tend to have a sense of mischief, and spend much time playing with their prey.  usually by sneaking up on them while telepathically projecting the theme song from Jaws into their heads.  How they know the Jaws theme song is irrelevant, and we ask that you do not pursue this line of questioning further.  Selachii are roughly the size of a Bull or Mako shark.  They speak Aquan and Common.

Skills: Selachii have a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim checks, and can always Take 10 on a Swim check. They may use the Run action while swimming in a straight line.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits with it's Bite attack it may attempt a Grapple check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If successful it may Swallow the next round.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Selachii manifests psionic powers as an 10th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 20 Willpower Save or be Panicked for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Swallow Whole (Su): A Selachii can extend its jaws to Swallow a Medium or smaller opponent by making a successful Grapple check. A swallowed creature takes 1d6+5 bludgeoning damage and 1d6+5 acid damage each round. A swallowed creature may cut its way out with a light slashing or piercing weapon by doing 15 points of damage to teh Selachii's stomach (AC 13). Once the creature exits muscular action closes the hole, and other creatures must cut their own way out. The Selachii's stomach can hold 1 Medium or Small, 4 Tiny, or 8 Diminutive or Smaller creatures.

Combat: Selachii blast their foes with their Mind Blast in an attempt to thin out the group opposing them. They will then eat whoever is slowest, or whoever seems most dangerous (i.e. casters, peple who made their saves). They will repeat this picking foes off one by one.  Their tentacles are too small to extract brains, so they just swallow victims whole usually.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #45 on: October 16, 2008, 12:44:33 PM »
Carnal Mindflayer, Slime
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 8d8+16 (52 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30'
Armor Class: 17 (+2 Dex, +3 Natural, +2 Deflection), touch 14, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+7
Attack: Tentacle +7 melee (1d4+1)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +7 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Mind Blast
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25, Slime
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +9
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 19, Wis 17, Cha 17
Skills: Balance +4, Climb +5, Concentration +12, Hide +2, Knowledge (Psionics) +14, Listen +13, Psicraft +14, Spot +13, Use Psionic Device +13
Feats: Improved Initiative, Combat Manifestation, Multigrab
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 9?
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: +8?

"I am so not touching that.  You didn't say they'd be icky..."

"Of course they're icky, they're Mindflayers.  Thats the entire friggin point of being a Mindflayer!"

Slime Mindflayers are covered in noxious purple goo. They can alter the consistency to make it sticky or oily. While the other flayers dont mind them, most humanoids find them disgusting. Except for some perverts among the Drow. What is it with the Drow anyway?  They are otherwise pretty identical to the average Carnal Mindflayer. 


Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Slimer manifests psionic powers as an 8th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 17 Willpower Save or be Confused for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Slime (Ex): A Slimer is covered in purple slime. As a Free Action it can later the slime to make it sticky or oily. If the slime is sticky the Slimer gains a +8 Circumstance Bonus to Climb, Balance, Trip, and Grapple checks (except when its trying to escape a Grapple). If the slime is Oily it gains a +8 Circumstance Bonus to Swim, Trip, and Grapple checks (only when attempting to escape a Grapple). It also gains a -8 Circumstance penalty to Climb and Balance checks. The slime also gives it a +2 Deflection Bonus to AC. Track rolls are automatically successful unless the Slimer enters the water at some point.

Combat: Slimers tend to try to hide, mind blast, and then close for grapple as soon as possible using their slime to ensure their prey cant escape.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #46 on: October 17, 2008, 02:26:40 PM »
Carnal Mindflayer, Albiniid
Large Aberration (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 10d8+40 (85 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft., Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+11
Attack: Tentacle +11 melee (1d4+4)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +11 melee (1d4+4)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Mind Blast
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25, Blind-Sight 60', Amphibious, Blind
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +6, Will +10
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 16, Con 18, Int 16, Wis 17, Cha 19
Skills: Climb +12, Concentration +9, Hide +13, Knowledge (Psionics) +8, Listen +7, Move Silently +13, Psicraft +13, Spot +7, Swim +17, Use Psionic Device +14
Feats: Blindfight, Combat Manifestation, Overchannel, Talented *
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: ---

*Feats not found in the Players Hanbook are from the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

"Tor...relax man it's just a giant albino flesheating Mindflayer."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Seriously, relax man, we've killed these things before."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

I swear to god if you don't shut the hell up I'm gonna lock you in this room with him."

".......'

Albiniids are underground aquatic Mindflayers mutations. Bone white with no eyes and suckers on their limbs, they aren't pretty even by Mindflayer standards. Most of them are extremely cannibalistic, which means they tend to get put down at birth. But they aren't picky if other flayers aren't available. They'll eat anything down to the bone.  Some of them eat bones too.  Albiniids understand Common, Undercommon, and Dwarven, but few of them speak.  Most of them tend to be completely bonkers from years of isolation with no one to talk to and have forgotten how to talk.


Skills: Albiniids have a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb and Swim checks, and can always Take 10 on a Climb or Swim check.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Albiniid manifests psionic powers as an 10th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 20 Willpower Save or be Blinded and Deafened for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Blind (Ex): Albiniids are blind, and therefore immune to any effects that are purely visual, such as flashes of light or visual illusions.

Combat: Albiniids will generally try to blind their foes putting them at a disadvantage. Then they can grapple and extract more leisurely. Many do hit and run attacks like this, slowly taking groups one at a time.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #47 on: October 17, 2008, 02:28:13 PM »
Carnal Mindflayer, Cuttleworm
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 10d8+70 (115 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft., Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +6 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+11
Attack: Tentacle +11 melee (1d4+4)
Full Attack: 6 Tentacles +11 melee (1d4+4)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Mind Blast
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25
Saves: Fort +10, Ref +4, Will +10
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 12, Con 25, Int 10, Wis 17, Cha 19
Skills: Climb +12, Concentration +7, Hide +6, Knowledge (Psionics) +5, Listen +5, Move Silently +6, Psicraft +5, Spot +5
Feats: Blindfight, Combat Manifestation, Overchannel, Wounding Attack *
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: ---

*Feats not found in the Players Handbook appear in the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

"Jim...Jim that big boogity worm on the wall is talking to me without no voice..."

"And it's moments like this why none of the other adventurers wanted to be with you when we decided to split up Bubba."

Cuttleworm mutants resemble Carrion Crawlers from a great distance.  The other Mindflayers find them disturbing, and treat them much the way primitive humans treat mentally or physically disadvantaged individuals.  Which is to say not too well.  In return the Cuttleworms treat other Mindflayers like humans if they have one cornered alone.  Which is to say not too well.


Skills: Cuttleworms have a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb checks, and can always Take 10 on a Climb check.

Improved Grab (Ex):If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.


Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Cuttleworm manifests psionic powers as an 10th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 20 Willpower Save or be Paralyzed for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Combat: Cuttleworms usually open up with a paralyzing Mind Blast or 3 before munching on someone.  Psionic powers tend to be reserved for troublesome individuals, and escapes.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #48 on: October 30, 2008, 01:40:52 PM »
Half-Illithid, Carnal

Half-Illithid, Carnal is an Inherited Template that can be applied to any Aberration, Humanoid, or Monstrous Humanoid.  They get around them Mindflayers do.

Size and Type: Size is unchanged, Type becomes Abberation.

Hit Dice: Racial Hit Dice become d8's.

Speed: Unchanged.

Armor Class: Natural Armor Bonus increases by +1.

Attacks: Unchanged.

Damage: Unchanged.

Special Attacks: Retains all Special Attacks of the Base Creature, and gains the following:

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 17 Willpower Save or be Confused for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Psi-Like Abilities (Su): A Carnal Half-Illithid possesses a number of Psi-Like abilities depending on it's Hit Dice.  Manifester Level is 8th.  2 HD or less: Any one power from the Psion list of 2nd level or lower 3 times per day.  3-4 HD: Any one power from the Psion list of 3rd level or lower 3 times per day. 5-6 HD: Any one power from Psion list or 3rd level or lower 3 times per day.  7+ HD: Any one power from the Psion list of 4th level or lower once per day.


Mutation: The Half-Illithid gains a random mutation chosen from the following list:

1) Armored: Whether armor plate, rolls of fat, or just leathery hide you are harder to hurt.  Natural Armor Bonus increases by +10 instead of +1.

2) Super Brain: Your head has an enormous brain, granting you 2 extra power points per level, and you are considered to be one Manifester level than you are for purposes of how many power points you may spend on a power. 

3) Flight speed 40 ft., Good. 

4) Rubber Limbs: Your reach is 15 ft. as your arms are capable of stretching.

5) Third Eye: Blindsight 30', +2 Wis.

6)Part Starfish: Regeneration 5.

7) Tentacle Tongue: You have a Tentacle Attack.  While kissing someone (or if you have them pinned in a Grapple) you may insert your long barbed tentacle tongue into their throat.  They immediately begin suffocating (See DM's Guide page 304) unless they can escape the Grapple (they are at -4 on all Grapple rolls as your tongue is hard to dislodge, and difficult if not impossible to chew through).

8) Soft bones: Due to your cartilaginous bone structure you enjoy the benefits of Improved Grab and a +4 Racial Bonus to all Grapple checks.

9) Segmented Mouth: While your face appears normal your head/mouth are 4 separate segments which can unfold allowing you greater Bite damage.  Damage depends on Size: Fine (1d2), Diminutive (1d3), Tiny (1d4), Small (1d6), Medium (1d8), Large (2d6), Huge (3d6), Gargantuan (4d6), or Colossal (6d6).  This is a Primary attack adding double your Strength modifier in damage.  When grappling an opponent you may opt to do the damage listed for your Bite as opposed to you normal Grapple damage. 

10) Psychic Power: Choose any 3 powers from the Psion list of 3rd level or lower.  You may Manifest them at will as an 8th level Manifester. 



Special Qualities: Retains all Special Qualities of the Base Creature and gains the following:

Darkvision 60' (Ex)

Power Resistance (Ex): A Half Illithid has Power Resistance equal to 10 plus its Hit Dice.

Telepathy 100 ft. (Su)

Saves: Recalculate Saves from Racial Hit Dice only to reflect new Type (i.e. Willpower is only Good Save).

Abilities: Int +4, Wis +4, Cha +4

Skills: Use Psionic Device is always a Class Skill.

Feats: Unchanged.

Environment: Same as Base Creature and Underground.

Organization: Unchanged

Challenge Rating: +3

Treasure: Unchanged

Alignment: usually Chaotic

Advancement: Unchanged

Level Adjustment: +6

Example of creature using template here:

                      Shurlee
                      5th level Human Expert/Carnal Half Illithid
                      Medium Aberration
Hit Dice:             5d6 (17 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          12 (+1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+2
Attack:               As Weapon +2
Full Attack:          As Weapon +2
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Mind Blast, Psi-Like Abilities, Mutation (Psychic Power)
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 90' Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 15
Saves:                Fort +1, Ref +2, Will +8
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 12, Con 10, Int 17, Wis 18, Cha 20
Skills:               Bluff +13, Concentration +8, Diplomacy +13, Hide +9, Knowledge (Local) +11, Listen +12, Move Silently +9, Search +11, Sense Motive +12, Spot +5, Use Psionic Device +13
Feats:               Deep Vision (see COmplete Psionic), Inquisitor (See Expanded Psionics Handbook)
Challenge Rating:     8?
Treasure:             As per a 5th level PC
Alignment:            Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:     +6

Psi-Like Abilities (PS): Cloud Mind, Detect Hostile Intent, Id Insinuation 3/day, Manifester Level 8, Save DC 18

Mutation>Psionic Power (Ps): Can Manifest Empathy, Sense Link, and Telempathic Projection at Will (Save DC 18, Manifester Level 8).

"I want that woman arrested."

"Which woman sir?"

"The purple skinned woman.  She keeps sending me telepathic pictures of her spanking me with a dead monkey."

"Aren't you a Paladin?"

"Yes but I have no legal jurisdiction in your country."

"Ah...yes...well I'm afraid we can't arrest her sir."

"Why not?"

"Knows all our secrets.  Sorry."


Carnal Half-Illithids are the result of the Carnal Mindflayers social revolution upon discovering the possibilities of reproduction by mating as opposed to ceremorphosis.  They got off to a bit of a rocky start, and now there are many purple creatures with somewhat flayery traits.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #49 on: November 11, 2008, 07:40:04 AM »
Armored Turtle
Small Construct
Hit Dice: 1d10+10 (15 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 10’ (2 squares)
Armor Class: 22 (+1 Size, +12 Natural, -1 Dex), touch 10, flat-footed 22
Base Attack: +0/ -3
Attack: Bite + 2 melee (1d3+1) or Lesser Orb of Fire +1 Ranged Touch (1d8)
Full Attack: Bite +2 melee (1d3+1) or Lesser Orb of Fire +1 Ranged Touch (1d8)
Space/Reach: 5’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Lesser Orb of Fire
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 5/ Adamantine, Dark Vision
60’, low-light Vision
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +1, Will +2
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 8, Con --, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environments: Any
Organization: Solitary, Gang (2-4), or Battalion (10-40)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 2-8 HD (medium), 9-12 HD (large)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Before you is a clockwork turtle roughly 3 feet in diameter with a turret of some sort in its shell.  Obviously it must be a Gnome creation, only they would be so gauche..."

Armored Turtles were created by the Gnomish nations to meet a need for armored soldiers, as most of their own people were unwilling to fit that description. They became immensely popular, and many variations were made, some quite large. Armored Turtle battalions were snuck into enemy territory and allowed to lay waste to it with their fire before being mothballed until the next time they were needed.  Most of them are the size of a particularly fat halfling, and weigh about 200 pounds or more. 

Lesser Orb of Fire (Sp): Once every other round the Turtle may 'cast' Lesser Orb of Fire from the turret in its back. Caster level is equal to the Turtles Hit Dice. Some Turtles have one of the other Lesser Orb spells, but these are rare. Medium or larger Armored Turtles are usually upgraded to the Orb of Fire spell.

Combat: Armored Turtle are pretty straight forward. They simply hold position and fire away with their Lesser Orb of Fire. If anyone gets close they bite.

Construction: An Armored Turtle is made from 235 pounds of steel treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 500 GP.  Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (clockworks) check. 

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Lesser Orb of Fire, Caster must be 11th Level.  Price 6000 GP; Cost 3000 GP + 120 XP
« Last Edit: November 13, 2008, 12:31:12 PM by bhu »

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #50 on: November 13, 2008, 12:29:17 PM »
Electric Yak
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 12d10+30 (96 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40’ (8 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (-1 Size, +9 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 18
Base Attack: +9/ + 17
Attack: Gore + 15 melee (1d10+7)
Full Attack: Gore +15 melee (1d10+7)
Space/Reach: 10’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Electrified Charge
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 10/ Adamantine, Dark Vision 60’, Lowlight vision
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 10, Con--, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Gang (2-4), Battalion (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 9 ???
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 13-30 HD (large), 31-42 HD (huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"You see what appears to be a large clockwork Yak. The Gnomes have been busy again.  The boss really doesn't pay you enough for this."

Yet another clockwork experiment by the Gnomish Nations, the Electric Yak is called by some increasing proof of their insanity. The Yaks are usually used as Cavalry, breaking through opposing forces. It looks much like a clockwork Yak made from high grade steel. 

Electrified Charge (Su): When an Electric Yak charges it does 3d6+14 damage, plus an additional 2d6 electrical damage.

Combat: Electric Yaks generally Charge, and then repeatedly gore until their opponent falls or they do. They are unimaginative as fighters, but remain dangerous because of their massed numbers.

Construction: An Electric Yak is made from 2000 pounds of steel treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 5000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (clockworks) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Lightning Bolt, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 60000 GP; Cost 30000 GP + 1200 XP

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #51 on: November 14, 2008, 12:04:37 PM »
Whale Golem
Gargantuan Construct
Hit Dice: 50d10+60 (335 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: Swim 40’ (8 squares)
Armor Class: 28 (- 4 Size, +22 Natural)
Base Attack/ Grapple: +37/ +49
Attack: Tail Slap + 45 melee (2d12+12)
Full Attack: Tail Slap +45 melee (2d12+12)
Space/Reach: 20’/ 15’
Special Attacks: Ram, Sonar Blast
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 15/ Adamantine, Dark Vision
60’, Immunity to Magic, Low-light Vision, Blindsight 120’, Cargo
Saves: Fort +16, Ref +15, Will +16
Abilities: Str 35, Dex 8, Con --, Int--, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ----
Feats: ---
Environment: Any aquatic
Challenge Rating: 17
Organization: Solitary
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

"A huge clockwork whale bursts from the water and swims into the bay. You can hear gnomish laughter. They've been drinking again..."

The Whale Golem was developed by the Gnomish Nations as a way to explore the seas, not, we repeat not, as a drunken bet as has been widely reported.  Why the Gnomes are interested in exploring the oceans is unknown, but since they have a wide range of odd behaviors manifesting in their society no one really questions it.  After all there are Gnomes who collect Dragon poop.  Bizarre Golems should come as no surprise.  Most people believe they made it just to prove they could.


Ram (Ex): Whenever the Whale Golem does a charge it does 4d6+24 damage. If it uses this against a boat it has a 95% chance of capsizing the boat if it is 30' or less. Boats 31+ feet long have only a 50% chance.

Sonar Blast (Su): Once every 14 rounds the Whale Golem can focus it's sonar to unleash a devastating attack in a 120' cone. It loses it's blindsight ability on any turn the Blast is used. Damage is 24d8 sonic and anyone in the cones area of effect must make a DC 35 Fortitude Save or be permanently deafened. They may also make a DC 35 Reflex Save for half damage.Save DC is 10 plus half hit dice.

Cargo: The Whale Golem can hold up to 16 small creatures in its cargo hold, and contains enough air for 24 hours before it needs to resurface. Optionally it can hold cargo equal to its heavy encumbrance value.

Immunity to Magic (Ex): A Whale Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows spell resistance.

Combat: On it's own the Whale Golem will blast any threat with it's Sonar before ramming it and then bludgeoning whatever is left repeatedly. If there are Gnome riders they can give it orders of course.

Construction: A Whale Golem is made from 30 tons of steel treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 50000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 25 Craft (clockworks) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Cacophonic Burst, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 230000 GP; Cost 115000 GP + 4600 XP
« Last Edit: November 14, 2008, 12:06:08 PM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #52 on: November 16, 2008, 01:39:08 PM »
Gunpowder Golem
Medium Construct
Hit Dice: 2d10 +20 (31 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40’ (8 squares)
Armor Class: 10, touch 10, flat-footed 10
Base Attack/ Grapple: +1/ +2
Attack: Slam + 2 melee (1d4+1)
Full Attack: Slam +2 melee (1d4+1)
Space/ Reach: 5’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Berserk, Engulf
Special Qualities: Construct traits, Damage Reduction 10/ Bludgeoning, Dark
Vision 60’, Immunity to Magic, low-light vision, Explosive
Saves: Fort +3, Ref + 3, Will + 3
Abilities: Str 13, Dex 11, Con --, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Gang ( 2-4) or battle group (10 –40)
Challenge Rating: 2??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 4-8 HD (medium), 9-18 (large), 19-27 HD (huge)
Level Adjustment: ---


"A shifting humanoid pile of dark powder shambles toward you. You think it might be a dust or ash golem until it slaps Sergeant Bertrand and explodes. Here's hoping the rest of the front line doesn't share his smoking habit"

A Gunpowder Golem is made from gunpowder or something similar as the name implies. It was of course invented by the Gnomes who like inventing things almost as much as they like seeing them explode. It's also the reason Gnomes are banned in some polite societies.  Strangely the Panda Folk also make them, and they're known for being an ultra polite society.

Berserk (Ex): When a Gunpowder Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Gunpowder Golem goes berserk there is no known method of re establishing control.

Engulf (Ex): A Gunpowder Golem can attempt to smother an opponent by engulfing it in combat. If it succeeds with a grapple check against a living opponent that breathes it engulfs it. Instead of regular grapple damage the victim begins to suffocate (see page 304 of the DMG).

Immunity to Magic(Ex): The Gunpowder Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows spell resistance. The one exception is anything doing fire or electricity damage (see below).

Explosive (Ex): If the Gunpowder Golem takes 1 point of fire or electricity damage it explodes. Damage and the area of effect are based on Size. Opponents in the area get a DC 13 Reflex Save for half damage unless they are being grappled by the Gunpowder Golem. Save DC is Constitution based. Damage is 3d6 plus 1d6 for every 2 Hit Dice the Golem has. Area of Effect depends on the Golems size: Medium is 10' radius, Large is 20', Huge is 40'. The explosions area of effect is covered by a thick cloud of smoke for 1d6 minutes afterwards (strong winds will disippate this in 1d6 rounds instead). Entering the smoke has the same effect as breathing heavy smoke (see page 304 of the DMG). Needless to say this also kills the Golem.

Skills: Gunpowder Golems have a racial bonus to the DC of the Explosive ability based on their Size:Medium: +2. Large: +4, Huge: +8.

Combat: Gunpowder Golems realize their explosive nature.  They will avoid opponents with fire until they can get close enough to grapple or do serious damage if fire is used.  If opponents have no obvious fire they charge in and go straight to the Engulf attack.

Construction: A Gunpowder Golem is made from 200 pounds of gunpowder treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 1000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Fireball, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 8000 GP; Cost 4000 GP + 160 XP

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #53 on: November 19, 2008, 11:53:24 AM »
Marble Golem
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 11d10+30 (90 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30’ (6 squares)
Armor Class: 24 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, + 14 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 23
Base Attack/ Grapple: +8/ +16
Attack: Slam + 10 melee (1d8+4)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +10 melee (1d8+4)
Space/Reach: 10’/ 10’
Special Attacks: Berserk, Marbles
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 15/ Adamantine or Bludgeoning,
Dark Vision 60’, Immunity to Magic, Low-light Vision, Scattering
Death
Saves: + 3, Ref +4, Will +3
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 12, Con --, Int – Will 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Gang (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 9
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 12-18 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---


"A large humanoid figure composed entirely of marbles held together by some magical force shambles toward you as all you can think is " ^^^^ I really hate those friggin' Gnomes..."

Berserk (Ex): When a Marble Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Gunpowder Golem goes berserk there is no known method of re establishing control.

Marbles (Ex): At will as a Standard action a Marble Golem can scatter and become a sheet of living moving marbles. It covers a 20' area. Anything entering the area is subject to a free trip attack that does not provoke an attack of opportunity. If the trip attack is successful, the opponent takes 1d6 subdual damage. The golem itself is considered a swarm of thousands of Fine sized constructs, and has appropriate swarm traits in this form (i.e. Distraction, Immune to Weapon Damage, etc) with 2 exceptions: It doesn't get the usual Swarm attack, just the special trip attacks. And it doesn't suffer the penalties from wind based attacks swarms of Fine sized creatures usually do.

Immunity to Magic(Ex): The Marble Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows spell resistance, with the exception of Shatter.

Scattering Death (Ex): Upon being killed a marble golem covers a 20' area with marbles. Anything entering or leaving this area must make a DC 15 Balance check or fall prone taking 1d6 subdual damage.

Combat: Gnomes usually have Marble Golems act as spoilers, using their Marbles attack to throw the enemy into disarray.

Construction: A Gunpowder Golem is made from 500 pounds of marbles treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 500 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (glassblowing) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 32000 GP; Cost 16000 GP + 640 XP
« Last Edit: November 26, 2008, 12:35:29 PM by bhu »

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #54 on: November 21, 2008, 02:24:42 PM »
Bell Golem
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 12d10+30 (96 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 20’ (4 squares)
Armor Class: 22 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +14 natural), touch 8, flat-footed 22
Base Attack/ Grapple: +9/+20
Attack: Slam +14 melee (2d10+7+1d10 Sonic)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +14 melee (2d10+7+1d10 Sonic)
Special Attacks: Berserk, Bell-like Fists, Bong
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 10/ Adamantine, Dark Vision
60’, Immunity to Magic, Low-light Vision
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +3, Will +4
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 8, Con --, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, or Gang (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 13-18 HD (large), 19 –33 HD (huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Standing in front of the church is an automated Golem whose body appears to be a huge bell.  Hmm..  Don't see that every day.  The local clergy is either putting on a display of wealth, or one of thems made a drunken bet again..."

Originally conceived by a group of clerics known for their spectacular displays of public drunkenness, these are primarily the guardians of churches and the like.  They appear to be a large, metal, bell shaped humanoid with bell like fists.

Bell-Like Fists (Su): The Bell Golem's hands are replaced with large metal bells that bong loudly when striking a victim doing +1d10 Sonic Damage.

Berserk (Ex): When a Bell Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Bell Golem goes berserk there is no known method of re establishing control.

Bong (Su): The Bell Golem's somewhat hollow body is a large bell itself, and it bongs loudly when struck, especially by blunt weapons. When hit by a weapon everyone within a 20' radius takes Sonic damage equal to half the damage done by the weapon hit (full damage if it was a blunt weapon).

Immune to Magic (Ex): Bell Golems are immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows Spell Resistance. However, spells doing Sonic Damage cause it to Bong, doing half the spells damage to everyone else within 20'

Combat: Bell Golems tend to wade in and start smacking away. They don't really have any sense of tactics other than to go for opponents with blunt weapons first.

Construction: A Bell Golem is made from 600 pounds of brass and other metals treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 2000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Shout, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 50000 GP; Cost 25000 GP + 1000 XP

Prak, the Mad

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #55 on: November 23, 2008, 02:52:13 AM »
Quote from: bhu
Bong (Su):
...this should be your next golem...

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #56 on: November 24, 2008, 01:06:42 PM »
I do have a Booze Golem planned

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #57 on: November 25, 2008, 12:16:03 AM »
yeah but then the obvious bong joke would be that it's the perfect weapon to use against the golem (as in a beer bong), rather than the golem being one. Maybe I'll write up a bong golem... and the beer bong as a weapon... If you don't mind other people posting stuff, bhu.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #58 on: November 25, 2008, 12:35:00 PM »
sure go ahead

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #59 on: November 25, 2008, 12:39:59 PM »
Surely the Marble Golem should be vulnerable to shatter. It can be its special "only spell that affects me" spell.
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