Author Topic: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature  (Read 150471 times)

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bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #100 on: December 21, 2008, 01:47:07 PM »
Beholder Cyclops, Calxos
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 16d8+64 (136 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 23 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
22
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+16
Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye of Stone
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +7, Will +14
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 18, Int 14, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Concentration +6, Hide +15, Knowledge (Local) +23, Listen +21, Search +23, Spot +21, Survival +21
Feats: Ability Focus (Eye of Stone), Alertness, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Iron Will
Environment: Underdark
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 13
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 17-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER TALK TO ME?!?!?! WHY DO PEOPLE STOP MOVING?!??!?! DAMMIT!!"

Insane, but wealthy, Medusa Wizard Polymnia decided she needed a male suitor who "only had eyes for her".  Unable to find one she made some.  Specifically she made the Calxos Beholder Cyclops.  and then had many strange, frightening, abominations of nature with them.  It took the Beholders many decades to wear her and her servants down, but they did finally get her put down.  There are still scattered Calxos about, as well as Half Medusa/Half Beholder children.  Just.....ew.  Calxos speak Beholder and Common.


Eye of Stone (Su):  The Calxos' central Eye radiates a 150' Cone.  Anything entering this Cone must make a DC 22 Willpower Save or be petrified as though by a Stone to Flesh spell.

Flight (Ex): A Calxos' body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: There are few things the Calxos' central eye can't deal with.  The only time it's really vulnerable is when it's eating because it has to close it's eye to prevent it's food from becoming stone.  This also means it usually has some sort of partner...


bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #101 on: December 23, 2008, 12:00:33 PM »
Beholder Cyclops, Eradicos
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 16d8+64 (136 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 23 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
22
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+16
Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye of Doom
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +7, Will +14
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 18, Int 14, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Concentration +6, Hide +15, Knowledge (Local) +23, Listen +21, Search +23, Spot +21, Survival +21
Feats: Ability Focus (Eye of Stone), Alertness, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Iron Will
Environment: Underdark
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 13
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 17-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"You just disintegrated a Holy Relic.  A HOLY RELIC!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS FOR THOSE THINGS?!??!"

"Yeah.  Gods pass em out for free.  What the heck are you so peeved about?"

It was inevitable someone would try to make a beholder Cyclops with an empowered Disintegration eye.  Everyone was surprised to see it come last though.  Disfibulor the Mad was a Mage obsessed with the Spheres of Annihilation, and wanted something similar, but more tractable.  Cue the Eradicos.  Making them took a while because initial experiments kept spontaneously self disintegrating.  Which doesn't make for great soldiers.  Upon success his press conference was interrupted by the Beholder Nations :

"We the Beholder Nations will no longer tolerate this perversion of our peoples!! You are all going to die for this!!"

Podium and surrounding area disintegrates

"We the Beholder Nations have decided to stop giving a ____.  Your on your own kids."

Disfibulor died of syphilis 3 days later.  Presumably the Eradicos are still around.  Eradicos speak Beholder and Common.


Eye of Doom (Su):  Once every 1d4 rounds the Eradicos can unleash a 150 Line of energy from it's main eye.  Anything within the Area of Effect must make a DC 22 Fortitude Save or be affected as if by a Disintegrate Spell.

Flight (Ex): An Eradicos' body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: Eradicos will blast with their eye, retreat, and blast again when it is recharged.  Few things can take that. 


bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #102 on: December 27, 2008, 12:03:14 PM »
Beholder Cyclops, Stoners
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 9d8+18 (58 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 21 (+2 Dex, +9 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed
19
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+6
Attack: Bite +8 melee (1d6 plus poison)
Full Attack: 1 Bite +8 melee (1d6 plus poison) and 6 Tentacles +3 melee (1d4 plus poison)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Petrifying Gaze, Poison
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +8
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 14, Con 15, Int 15, Wis 14, Cha 15
Skills: Bluff +8, Diplomacy +8, Hide +8, Intimidate +8, Knowledge (Local) +8, Listen +4, Move Silently +8, Search +8, Spot +10
Feats: Alertness, Fly-By Attack, Improved Initiative, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Underdark or Temperate Marsh
Organization: Solitary or Group (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement: 10-18 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Man, I soooo have the munchies right now."

Polymnia had enough children with her Calxos soldiers that eventually they became a stable race.  Not a widespread one to be sure, but enough to hold their own.  Unaccepted by either the Medusa or Beholder races they did what all sentient beings do when rejected by their peers and society as a whole: they started growing pot.  Despite their limited manipulation abilities they're surprisingly good at it, and make a decent living.  Stoners resemble Beholders about half the normal size with scaly skin, and 6 tentacles with fanged mouths at the end.  They speak Beholder and Common.

Petrifying Gaze (Su): Turn to stone permanently, 30 feet, Fortitude DC 16 negates.  The Save DC is Charisma Based.

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude Save DC 16, initial and secondary damage 1d6 Strength.  The Save DC is Constitution Based.

Flight (Ex): A Stoners body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Magic Resistant (Ex): Stoners have a +4 Racial Bonus against Spells, Spell Like Abilities, and Supernatural Abilities.

Combat: Stoners generally rely on their gaze to settle fights.  If that doesn't work they'll try using Fly-By's to Bite opponents nd let the poison settle them.  Or bribe them with weed. 
« Last Edit: December 27, 2008, 12:06:54 PM by bhu »

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #103 on: December 27, 2008, 12:22:57 PM »
Antbird
Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 60 ft (Good)
Armor Class: 19 (+2 Size, +2 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/-8
Attack: Bite +2 melee (1d3+1d3 acid)
Full Attack: Bite +2 melee (1d3+1d3 acid)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Scent
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 15, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 9
Skills: Listen +3, Spot +3
Feats: Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm Plains, Forest, or Swamp
Organization: Solitary or flock (10-1000)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 2 HD (Small), 3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Abner...git me mah bird shootin' thingy.  Them freak birds is in the corn agin."[/B]

Antbirds are an unholy mingling of ant and bird created by the same magic that created owlbears. Unfortunately the magic was just as faulty, and the things wreak havoc when they swarm each year to migrate, eating everything in sight. It is said their creator was creatively murdered at the hands of a mob of farmers.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Antbird succeeds in biting an opponent it can make a grapple check as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it succeeds it does bite damage each round the hold is maintained.

Combat: Antbirds usually fly straight at their opponent, latch on, and bite until it dies, or it wounds the Antbird. If there is a swarm they attack en masse, stripping crops, livestock, and even people.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #104 on: December 27, 2008, 12:26:51 PM »
Archer Fish
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: Swim 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/-7
Attack: Spit +3 Ranged (1d6/x3)
Full Attack: Spit +3 Ranged (1d6/x3)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spit
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft.,
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +0
Abilities: Str 5, Dex 17, Con 11, Int 2, Wis 11, Cha 6
Skills: Listen +2, Spot +2
Feats: Point Blank Shot
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary or School (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 2-3 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:  ---

"Abner...git the preacher.  Thet carp done shot me!"

Magicians have always been known for trying to breed magical guardians, so it isn't surprising that one day some madman would invent a really large Perch that could puke arrows. Well actually they're arrow like bits of Force, but that's precious little difference to the redneck fishermen being shot by them.

Spit(Su): The Archer Fish can spit arrows of force. Stats are identical to a Small Longbow, and firing it under water, or out of the water doesn't provice any penalties.

Skills: The Archer Fish has a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim checks, and can always take 10 on a swim check even if threatened or endangered. It may use the Run action while swimming in a straight line.

Combat: The Archer Fish rarely initiates combat as long as nothing approaches within 10' that seems threatening. Then it burps arrows till the threat dies, or flees the area.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #105 on: December 31, 2008, 12:03:41 PM »
Blowfly
Fine Magical Beast (Air)
Hit Dice: 1d10 (5 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: Fly 40 ft. (8 squares), Good
Armor Class: 25 (+8 Size, +7 Dex), touch 25, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-20
Attack: -
Full Attack: -
Space/Reach: 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Gust of Wind
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Scent
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +9, Will +0
Abilities: Str 1, Dex 25, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 11, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +4, Spot +4
Feats: Alertness
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Swarm (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 1/2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ---

"Abner...git me mah fly swatting longbow..."

Blowflies are large black flies invented by a madman in his magical labs for purposes of amusement. they are generally regarded as among the most hated magical creations known today, even more reviled than the Owlbear.  Large swarms of them are rumored to produce hurricane like winds, destroying communities.  They appear to be hideous flies roughly 2 inches long.

Gust of Wind (Su): The Blowfly may cast the spell Gust of Wind as a Supernatural ability at will as a 3rd level Sorcerer.

Combat: Nervous flies blast the source of their irritation with Gust of Wind and fly away. But the little monsters keep coming back, just like real flies.  Pesky lil sob's. 

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #106 on: December 31, 2008, 12:14:02 PM »
Barbearian
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 8d10+32 (76 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, + 5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
While raging 13 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +5 Natural, -2 Rage), touch 8,
flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +8/+20
Attack: Claw +15 melee (1d8+8), while raging: Claw +17 melee (1d8+10)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +15 melee (1d8+8) and 1 Bite +10 melee (2d6+4), while raging: 2 Claws +17 melee (1d8+10) and 1 Bite +12 melee (2d6+5)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Rage 3/day
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Low Light Vision, Scent, Damage Reduction: 1/-, Trap Sense +2, Improved Uncanny Dodge
Saves: Fort +10 (+12 while raging), Ref +7, Will +3 (+5 while raging)
Abilities: Str 26, Dex 12, Con 18, Int 8, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +6, Spot +7, Swim +16
Feats: Power Attack, Cleave, Destructive Rage, Intimidating Rage
Environment: Cold Forests
Organization: Solitary or Pair
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: ---

Frenzied Bearserker (Barbearian, Frenzied Berserker 6
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 8d10+6d12+70 (153 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, + 5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
While raging 9 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +5 Natural, -2 Rage, -4 Frenzy), touch 4,
flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple: +14/+27
Attack: Claw +22 melee (1d8+9), while raging: Claw +17 melee (1d8+10)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +22 melee (1d8+9) and 1 Bite +20 melee (2d6+4), while raging: 2 Claws +27 melee (1d8+15) and 1 Bite +25 melee (2d6+10)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Rage 3/day, Frenzy 3/day, Supreme Cleave, Improved Power Attack, Inspire Frenzy 1/day
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Low Light Vision, Scent, Damage Reduction: 1/-, Trap Sense +2, Improved Uncanny Dodge, Deathless Frenzy
Saves: Fort +16 (+18 while raging), Ref +10, Will +6 (+8 while raging)
Abilities: Str 28, Dex 12, Con 20, Int 8, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Intimidate +6, Listen +6, Spot +7, Swim +16
Feats: Power Attack, Cleave, Destructive Rage, Diehard, Instantaneous Rage, Intimidating Rage, Multiattack
Challenge Rating: 14
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

"Abner thet there bawr is lookin' at me like I grabbed his wifes butt..."

Barbearians are very large Brown Bears with horrible tempers, and awakened intelligence. The usual requisite insane mage is to blame supposedly. God knows why he'd want surly, irritable, possibly homicidally insane servants but mages are some weird guys.  Barbearians have all the abilities of a Barbarian equal to their Hit Dice level, and can qualify for Feats etc as if they were Barbarians. Favored Class is of course Barbarian. For all intents and purposes they appear to be normal Brown Bears.  They speak Common and Sylvan.

Skills: The Barbearian gains a +4 Racial Bonus on Swim checks.

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Barbearian hits with a Claw attack it may attempt a Grapple check as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Combat: Barbearians fight like most bears do, with the addition of Rage, and some intelligence.  Grappling is preferred but they'll leisurely beat you to death with their paws if they have the time.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #107 on: December 31, 2008, 12:18:38 PM »
Stone Crab
Huge Magical Beast (Aquatic, Earth)
Hit Dice: 16d10+176 (264 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 27 (-2 Size, -1 Dex, +20 Natural), touch 7, flat-footed 27
Base Attack/Grapple: +16/+38
Attack: Pincer +24 melee (2d6+10/19-20)
Full Attack: 2 Pincers +24 melee (2d6+10/19-20)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks: Constrict, Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Amphibious, Scent, Damage Reduction 10/-, Immunities, Camouflage
Saves: Fort +20, Ref +9, Will +6
Abilities: Str 30, Dex 8, Con 30, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills: Hide +1, Spot +10
Feats: Awesome Blow, Cleave, Great Cleave, Improved Critical (Claw), Improved Toughness, Power Attack
Environment: Any Aquatic
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 17-32 HD (Gargantuan), 33-54 HD (Collosal)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Heeey....that ain't no hill.."

Stone Crabs are immense Crabs infused with the power of the Elemental Plane of Earth by yet another psychotic mage with an axe to grind. Capable of growing to immense size their ferocious appetites make them trouble for the local ecosystems. Their bodily makeup makes them a rich prize for anyone capable of putting one down though.  given how many freaks of nature like this are created by mages you wonder why people let them hang around... Stone Crabs are roughly 16' across, and weigh up to 16 tons.

Constrict (Ex): A Stone Crab does 4d6+10 with a successful Grapple check.

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Stone Crab successfully hits with a Claw Attack it may attempt a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If successful it may Constrict. Stone Crabs receive a +4 Racial Bonus on Grapple Checks.

Immunities (Ex): Stone Crab are immune to Poison, sleep effects, paralysis, stunning, Critical Hits, and all mind-affecting effects.

Camouflage (Ex): Stone Crabs appear to be made of stone, and in rough, jagged stone areas they receive a +8 Racial Bonus to Hide checks, and may use the Camouflage and Hide in Plain Sight abilities (see page 48 of the Players Handbook).

Combat: Stone Crabs are ambush predators with little more tactical sense than Hide until it gets close, and then grab it.  They're stubborn too.  You really gotta hurt em to make one leave.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #108 on: December 31, 2008, 12:26:10 PM »

The Mother Of All Hummingbirds
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 12d10+60 (138 hp)
Initiative: +9
Speed: Fly 240 ft. ( 48 squares), Perfect
Armor Class: 20 (+5 Dex, +5 Deflection), touch 20, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+12
Attack: Peck +17 melee (1d6)
Full Attack: Peck +17 melee (1d6)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Hurricane Flight, Evasion, Improved Evasion, Uncanny Dodge, Improved Uncanny Dodge
Saves: Fort +13, Ref +15, Will +7
Abilities: Str 11, Dex 21, Con 20, Int 10, Wis 16, Cha 20
Skills: Hide +10, Listen +8, Spot +8
Feats: Fly-By Attack, Hover, Improved Initiative, Lightning Reflexes, Weapon Finesse, Wingover
Environment: Any (only appears when summoned)
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: 8?
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 13+ HD
Level Adjustment: ---

"What the hell is that humming sound?"

The Mother of All Hummingbirds is a rather large rainbow colored hummingbird that is rarely seen unless summoned magically. It's purpose and desires are unknown. It is however quite destructive, though it doesn't seem to intend to cause harm. The winds stirred up by it's flight can destroy small villages. But people like it cause it's so pwetty.  Darn ignorant them peasants.  Despite being almost 6' long the MoaH is only 80 pounds.  While she cannot speak she does understand Common, Elven, Auran, and Sylvan.

Hurricane Flight (Ex): When flying the Mother of All Hummingbirds stirs up hurricane force winds around it (it is impossible for it to make Hide or Move Silently Checks while flying). Anything within 10' of the Hummingbird is subject to a Whirlwind Spell (caster level is irrelevant as this spell has no level dependent benefits, the range is fixed, and it can only be dispelled by making the Hummingbird cease to fly). Ranged Attacks against the MoAH are impossible unless made with siege equipment (which still takes a -8 to the attack roll). Listen checks within the 10' are impossible to make, and Spot checks to see inside the area are likewise impossible in dusty areas (the Hurricane Flight grants complete concealment).

Evasion: See PHB page 50.

Improved Evasion: See PHB page 51.

Uncanny Dodge: See PHB page 50.

Improved Uncanny Dodge: See PHB page 50.

Combat: The Mother of All Hummingbirds usually relies on Fly-By attacks and it's Hurricane Flight to finish off foes. If neither of those work it simply flees.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #109 on: January 03, 2009, 04:14:00 AM »
Beholder Folk
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 9d8+18 (58 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 21 (+2 Dex, +9 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed
19
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+6
Attack:  8 Eye Rays +8 Ranged and Bite +1 melee (1d4)
Full Attack: 8 Eye Rays +8 Ranged and Bite +1 melee (1d4)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye Rays
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., All-Around Vision
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +8
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 14, Con 15, Int 15, Wis 14, Cha 15
Skills: Bluff +9, Diplomacy +8, Hide +9, Knowledge (Local) +9, Listen +11, Search +13, Spot +15
Feats: Ability Focus (Eye Rays), Alertness, Point Blank Shot, Precise Shot
Environment: Urban
Organization: Solitary or Group (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 9
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: +4

"Whut'll it be pal?"

The Stoners were not Polymnia's only hybrid children to branch off into a stable species.  She also gave birth to what are referred to as  the Beholder Folk (well, by everyone except the Beholders).   They appear as scaly humanoids roughly 6 feet in height, with a round head that resembles a ball.  It has a large fanged mouth and central eye, and appears to be topped by writhing tendrils that resemble hair.  Mixed in with this "hair" are smaller eyestalks.  The Beholder Folk are generally thought of as monsters, and so end up taking jobs that are traditionally frowned upon (lawyer, tax collector, executioner) or ones in which appearance is unimportant (bartender, rogues).  They speak Beholder and Common.

Eye Rays (Su): Each of the Beholder Folk's 8 prehensile eyestalks can produce a ray once per round as a Free Action.  It can only fire 4 in any 90 degree angle, and the others may fire in other arcs.  Beholder Folk can bend their eyestalks to fire in any direction, in any combination.  Each ray produces an effect similar to a spell (Caster Level 11th).  Beholder Folk are incredibly mutable, so their eyestalks vary a lot.  Pick any spell of 3rd level or less that specifically targets an individual for each eye's effect.

All-Around Vision (Ex): Beholder Folk gain a +4 Racial Bonus on Search and Spot checks, and can't be flanked.

Combat: Beholder Folk are fairly non-confrontational given their parentage.  Usually they will flee and try to hide, but if cornered their Eye Rays can be devastating.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #110 on: January 03, 2009, 04:15:06 AM »
Snow Golem
Medium Construct
Hit Dice: 9d10+30 (79 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 19 (+1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
18
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+8
Attack: Slam +8 melee (1d6+2 plus 1d6 cold)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +8 melee (1d6+2 plus 1d6 cold)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Berserk, Snowballs, Freezing Touch
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Construct traits. Immunity to Magic, Low Light Vision, Immune to Cold, Hide in Snow, Damage Reduction 10/Magic and Bludgeoning
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +3
Abilities: Str 14, Dex 12, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: Hide +9
Feats: -
Environment: Any Cold
Organization: Solitary or Group (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 10-18 HD (Large), 19-27 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Burt...did that snowman just move?"

Snow Golems are an unusual but cheap to make Golem in wintery areas.  All you need is plenty of snow, and they look like snowmen or snow sculptures for the most part so they can hide in plain sight as well.  Most Snow GOlems are made of roughly 150 pounds of snow.

Berserk (Ex): When a Snow Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round that it will go berserk.  Once it goes berserk it will attack the nearest creature, or smashing any object smaller than itself if none is available.  If the Golems creator is within 60', it can try to regain control by making a DC 19 Charisma check.  After 1 minute of inactivity, the Golem's chances of going berserk reset to 0%.

Snowballs (Su): The Snow Golem may cast the spell Snowball Swarm (see Spell Compendium) 3 times per day as a Supernatural Ability.  Caster Level is equal to Hit Dice. 

Freezing Touch (Su): The Snow Golem's Slam Attacks and successful Grapple checks do +1d6 Cold Damage.

Immunity to Magic: The Snow Golem is immune to any Spell or Spell Like Ability that allows Spell Resistance, with the exception of spells that do fire or cold damage.  Fire does double damage to a Snow Golem.  Cold spells that do damage actually add to the Golem's hit points instead.  Any hit points beyond the Golem's normal maximum are temporary hp lasting 10 minutes.

Hide in Snow: The Snow Golem has the Hide in Plain Sight and Camouflage abilities (see PHB page 48) while in snowy areas.

Skills: Snow Golems have a +8 Racial Bonus to Hide checks in snow.

Combat: Snow Golem's tend to remain still, hiding in plain sight until opponents get close enough to fight.  If they are spotted before then they open up with the snowballs.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #111 on: January 03, 2009, 04:15:55 AM »
Beer Pudding
Large Ooze
Hit Dice: 6d10+42 (76 hp)
Initiative: -3
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares)
Armor Class: 6 (-1 Size, -3 Dex), touch 6, flat-footed
6
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+10
Attack: Slam +6 melee (2d4+2 plus 1d4 acid)
Full Attack: Slam +6 melee (2d4+2 plus 1d4 acid)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Constrict (2d4+2 plus 1d4 acid), Acid
Special Qualities: Blindsight 60', Ooze traits, Dude I Smell Beer
Saves: Fort +9, Ref -1, Will -3
Abilities: Str 14, Dex 5, Con 24, Int -, Wis 1, Cha 1
Skills: -
Feats: -
Environment: Underground, and Warm (except Desert)
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 7-9 HD (Large), 10-18 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Dude...dude I smell beer!"

Beer Puddings are smaller warmer weather cousins of the Black Puddings, and smell/look like pools of stout beer.  They live underground but emerge at night to eat vegetation (although they will take meat when they can get it), ruining grain and corn crops.  As a side effect of their digestion the symbiotic yeast organisms in their body give off a hoppy, lager smell.  This smell is often the undoing of alcoholics, who end up becoming the Beer Puddings next victim when they go in search of a free brew.  A Beer Pudding is around 8' across, and perhaps 500 pounds.

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Beer Pudding hits with it's Slam Attack it may make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it may Constrict.

Constrict (Ex): A Beer Pudding does Slam plus acid damage with a successful Grapple check.

Acid (Ex): A Beer Pudding's acid does not harm metal or stone. 

Dude I Smell Beer (Ex): Any living creature that suffers from alcoholism that is within 60' of the Beer Pudding must make a DC 20 Willpower Save or Grapple the Pudding and begin biting it.  He will immediately realize his mistake as soon as he begins taking acid damage, but by then the pudding will have tried to grapple him.  Save DC is Constitution Based.

Combat: Beer Puddings are similar to most Puddings in that they just charge anything that comes within range of their Blindsight, although many lie in wait since they realize some victims will simply walk up to them.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #112 on: January 05, 2009, 07:50:02 AM »
Arctic Fox
Tiny Magical Beast (Cold)
Hit Dice: 10d10+10 (65 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (+2 Size, +3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +10/+2
Attack: Bite +15 melee (1d3+1d6 cold)
Full Attack: Bite +15 melee (1d3+1d6 cold)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Arctic Weather, Cold Touch
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Scent
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +10, Will +6
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 16, Con 12, Int 5, Wis 14, Cha 20
Skills: Hide +14, Listen +8, Move Silently +8, Spot +8
Feats: Weapon Finesse, Skill Focus (Hide), Alertness, Dodge
Environment: Any Cold
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: none
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 11-15 HD (Tiny)
Level Adjustment: ---

"So...your money or your crops."


Arctic Foxes appear to be normal white foxes. Unfortunately the winter comes with them. Meaning they are quite the nuisance.  They used to use it to extort farmers till they learned farmers don't have any money.  So now they extort the communities the farmers depend on.  No one has yet figured out what they need or use the money for.  Arctic Foxes speak Common and Sylvan.

Arctic Weather (Su): Weather within 5 miles of an Arctic Fox undergoes a drastic change. The temperature lowers by 30 degrees, and winds increase by 20 mph. If this makes it cold enough to snow, it does so.

Cold Touch (Su): Anyone touching the Arctic Fox (natural weapon, grapple, unarmed strike, etc) takes 1d6 cold damage. Anyone it successfully attacks takes 1d6 cold damage as well (or 1d6 cold per round in a grapple).

Combat: Arctic Foxes avoid combat with anything bigger than themselves (and because they know that most other beings want them dead because of the weather they cause).

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #113 on: January 05, 2009, 07:53:41 AM »
Bullfrog
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 8d10+24 (68 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 13 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+15
Attack: Bite +10 melee (1d8+5) or Tongue +10 melee (grapple)
Full Attack: Bite +10 melee (1d8+5) or Tongue +10 melee (grapple)
Space/Reach: 10’/5’ (10’ with Tongue)
Special Attacks: Tongue Grapple, Powerful Charge
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60’, Low Light Vision
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +7, Will +4
Abilities: Str 20, Dex 12, Con 16, Int 1, Wis 14, Cha 4
Skills: Jump +13, Listen +7, Spot +7
Feats: Alertness, Skill Focus: Jump, Improved Initiative
Environment: Warm Marsh, Plains, Forest
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Herd (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 4??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 9-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Bert...Bert you hear that?  It sounded like a thousand frogs ribbited at once..."

In some sort of drunken college spree several wizards came across the methods used to make the Owlbear, and created a bison sized frog with horns. Then just for giggles when they got tired of them setting around eating giant bugs and farting all over the place they turned them loose into the wild. Now swampdwellers everywhere can raise the vicious little halfwits as food.

Tongue Grapple (Ex): The Bullfrog has an adhesive tongue that allows it to make grapple checks without the usual penalty for grappling with one extremity. Attacking with it's tongue does not provoke an Attack of Opportunity, and if the Bullfrog wins the Grapple check it can reel a target in that turn and begin doing bite damage with each successful grapple check on proceeding turns.

Powerful Charge (Ex): When Bullfrogs do their initial leaping charge, they slam into opponents for 2d8+10 bludgeoning damage.

Combat: If an opponent is within range of their tongue Bullfrogs will attempt to grapple and then begin munching. Otherwise they charge, and then proceed to bite.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #114 on: January 05, 2009, 07:58:28 AM »
Crab Spider
Huge Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 10d10+30 (85 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 21 (-2 Size, +3 Dex, +10 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +10/+25
Attack: Pincer +15 melee (2d6+7)
Full Attack: 2 Pincers +15 melee (2d6+7) and 1 Bite +10 melee (2d6+3 plus poison)
Space/Reach: 15'/10'
Special Attacks: Poison, Pincer Grab, Constrict (4d6+7)
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Scent
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +10, Will +4
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 17, Con 14, Int 3, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills: Climb +10, Hide -1, Jump +10, Spot +4
Feats: Cleave, Great Cleave, Improved Toughness, Power Attack
Environment: Warm Forests and Mountains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 9
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 11-19 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Aw crap...the local spiders can break swords now.  Retreeeeaaatt!!"


This appears to be a huge Wolf Spider with crab pincers. Yet another in a long line of Owlbear knockoffs. As usual with giant freaky wizard created monsters they got loose and bred like rabbits. Now they haunt forests everywhere and make nuisances of themselves.  Most people believe they're as dumb as any spider, but people who have encountered them swear they giggle when they disarm opponents.


Poison (Ex): Injury Fortitude DC 17, Initial and Secondary Damage 1d8 Str. Save DC is Constitution Based.

Pincer Grab (Ex): If the Crab Spider succeeds with a Pincer attack it can make one of the following attacks as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity: Grapple, Trip, Sunder.

Constrict (Ex): If the Crab Spider succeeds with a Grapple check it does its constriction damage each turn. It may also attempt to attack with it's Bite attack once per turn.

Combat: Crab Spiders have an unexpected cunning. Usually they will attempt to just straightforward grapple and constrict, then bite to let the poison finish off prey. If surrounded they will trip up the slower looking targets, or try Sundering weapons.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #115 on: January 05, 2009, 08:04:57 AM »
Sage Buzzard
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+5 (32 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 15 ft. (3 squares), Fly 80 ft.(Good)
Armor Class: 14 (+2 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+6
Attack: Talon +6 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: 2 Talons +6 melee (1d6+1) and 1 Beak +1 melee (1d6)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: RAWK!
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Spell Like Abilities, Sage Knowledge, Scent
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +6, Will +5
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 12, Int 18, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills: Bluff, Decipher Script, Intimidate, Knowledge (Arcana, Geography, History, Local, Nature), Listen, Move Silently, Sense Motive, Spot, Survival
Feats: Fly-By Attack, Hover
Environment: Warm Desert
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: usually Neutral
Advancement: 6-10 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Will you hurry up and die?  I'd like to eat before I expire of old age."

Sage Buzzards look more like vultures than buzzards, and are renowned for their knowledge of just about damn near everything.  They're also pretty well known for lurking nearby as people and animals die waiting to make them a free lunch despite knowing how to save them.  In their defense food is mighty hard to come by where they live.  But if you have food aplenty to bribe them with they'll take care of you, and tell you what they know on any subject you care to hear them argue about (nothing is worse than a flock of know it all's). They speak Common, and whatever the local races speak (they have up to 4 additional languages). Their origin is unknown, but it is rumored that in a desert somewhere is the fabled Tower of Bib. Bib's tower is covered in mystical writings that bring Awareness to any animal reading them. The Sage Buzzards scoff at these rumors, and do their best to discourage people from going out in the desert to see if the Tower is real. They eat some of them even...

RAWK! (Su): Once every 1d4 rounds the Buzzard can unleash an ear splitting screech. Any living creature within 60' must make a DC 16 Willpower Save or be Shaken for 1d6 rounds. Save DC is Charisma Based. If the opponent Saves successfully it is immune to this Buzzard's RAWK! attack for 24 hours.

Sage Knowledge (Ex): This is mostly identical to the Bardic Knowledge ability on page 28 of the Players Handbook. Instead of Bard levels the Sage Buzzard uses it's Hit Dice.

Spell Like Abilities (Sp): The Sage Buzzard can cast the following spells as Spell Like abilities: Deathwatch, Detect Magic, Detect Posion, Know Direction (At Will), Death Knell, Delay Poison, Detect Animals or Plants, Hide from Animals, Locate Objects, Speak With Animals, Whispering Wind (3 times per day), Clairvoyance, Commune With Nature, Locate Creature, Scrying (Once per day). Caster level is equal to Hit Dice.

Combat: Sage Buzzards aren't great combatants. They usually use their spells to coordinate and arrange little traps for foes. They don't so much fight as wage a campaign of harassment. Unless they know you're dying. Then it's on.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #116 on: January 05, 2009, 08:12:19 AM »
Bighorn Sheep
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 3d10+9 (25 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. ( 6 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+1 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/+4
Attack: Butt +4 melee (1d8+2)
Full Attack: Butt +4 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach: 5’/5’
Special Attacks: Powerful Charge
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60’
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 15, Dex 12, Con 17, Int 2, Wis 11, Cha 4
Skills: Listen +3, Spot +3
Feats: Power Attack, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Overrun (B), Reckless Charge (B)
Environment: Temperate Plains, Hills, or Mountains
Organization: Solitary or Herd (5-500)
Challenge Rating: 1??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 4-5 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Jed?? Can you hear me Jed?? Speak to me!"

"I knew jumpin' that sheep was a bad idea..."

These appear to be mule sized sheep with oversized horns, and armor reinforced necks and foreheads. They are infamously temperamental, and territorial. Their origin is unknown but the local Druids always seem to need to be somewhere else when the subject is brought up.  Many attempts have been made to domesticate them and all have failed.  The locals would love access to the wool.

Powerful Charge (Ex): When charging the Bighorn Sheep's Butt attack does 2d8+4, and it can make a Bull Rush attack as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Combat: Bighorn Sheep generally charge into the fray, then repeatedly slam their forehead into opponents until they flee or stop moving.  The rams will fight to the death while the flock escapes.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #117 on: January 06, 2009, 11:37:22 AM »
Edible Golem
Medium Consruct
Hit Dice: 3d10+20 (36 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 30 ft (6 squares)
Armor Class: 20 (+10 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/+8
Attack: Slam +4 melee (1d8+2)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +4 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach: 5ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Constrict (2d8+4)
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Dark Vision 60’, Damage Reduction 10/Magic, Immunity to Magic, Low Light Vision, Mindless
Saves: Fort +1, Ref +1, Will +1
Abilities: Str 15, Dex 10, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: -
Feats: -
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 4-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: -----

”We wuz out foragin’ when we came up on this Halfling encampment.  Lil’ squatty bastards left their chuckwagon unguarded and me an’ Chuck we thinks “Well sir…guess that foods ours now”.  Then this thing made out of cabbage beats Chuck like a ragdoll, and some sort of cheese monkey choked me into unconsciousness.  Damn I hate them Halflings...”


Halflings are known for their prowess with cuisine, not so much so for their abilities as a military force.  Particularly hard hit are the cooks and guards for the food stores.  Bigger races tend to run them over to get the Halflings prized vittles.  And consequently this makes the Halflings pretty ticked off. 

After several years of this some enterprising Halfling Wizard made the first Edible Golem.  Edible Golems can be composed of any hard foodstuff (cheese, jerked and smoked meats, vegetables, mushrooms), and are basically a 6 foot high figure composed of the aforementioned edibles.  Created to guard the food stores, a code word chosen at creation (and given to the Golems “owner”) will immediately disassemble the Golem into its component parts.  As long as the food is part of the Golem it never spoils, and it can even move and defend itself thus freeing up guards for other purposes. 

This makes them ideal Golems as they can be eaten, are cheap to make, and don’t go Berserk.  They are a staple of many armies now in tribute to the Halflings success with using them.


Improved Grab (Ex): If the Golem successfully hits with it’s Slam Attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it may then Constrict.  Edible Golems get a +4 Racial Bonus to Grapple checks.  Unlike normal this ability may be used on creatures the same size class as the Golem.

Constrict (Ex): An Edible Golem does 2d8+4 damage with a successful Grapple Check.

Immunity to Magic (Ex): An Edible Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows Spell Resistance, with one exception.  If Purify Food and Drink is cast on the Golem it heals 1d6 hit points of damage. 

Combat: Edible Golems aren’t very tactical combatants being mindless and all.  They generally just waltz up to whatever enemy is closest, initiate a Grapple, and squeeze till dead.  Rinse, repeat.  It’s effective though.  Many is the opposing military man who has suffered the dismay of being beaten down by a cheese Golem.


Construction: An Edible Golem is made from 300 pounds of some sort of foodstuffs (average cost around 120 GP).  Unlike normal Golems, Edibles aren't constructed, they are temporarily animated by means of the right spell.


Create Edible Golem
Transmutation
Level: Sor/Wiz 4, Food 4
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 Full Round Action
Range: Close (25 ft. plus 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: Animates 1 Edible Golem
Duration: 1 hour/level

This spell animates 1 Edible Golem for the duration of the spell.  When created you designate one "owner" who will control the Golem, and a code word which may disassemble it before the spell ends (speakign the word is a Swift Action).
Focus is 300 pounds some sort of food.  This Focus can only be used for 1 Golem at a time, for more Golems, you need more food.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lore
Characters with ranks in Knowledge (Arcane) can learn a little about the Edible Golem. When the character makes a skill check, the following lore is revealed, including the information from lower DCs:

DC|Lore
10|The Halflings sometimes have Constructs guarding their food.
15|The Constructs guarding the Halflings food stores ARE food.
20|The magic making Edible Golems is cheap, but fairly short in duration and must be renewed regularly.
25|If you can get the Golem's "owner" to spit out the right word, the Golems will disassemble into harmless victuals.
Plot Hook
  • The Edible Golems your base has been relying upon to guard the food (i.e. themselves for the most part) have somehow been awakened by an unknown enemy, and they no longer disassemble when the code word is given.  Somehow you must discover what is going on, keep the base in food in the meantime, and manage to imprison the Golems long enough to do the first two tasks.
  • Every night someone near a local restaurant dies.  Every morning the restaurateur find blood on his cabbages.  He has told no one of this, and has hired the PC's to find out what is going on before the authorities do.  One night they notice a strange figure leave the restaurant with what looks like a very deformed man under a greatcoat and heavy clothing.  The deformed man does not speak or respond to anyone but his partner.  And he simply stinks of garlic...
  • Yesterday was the best day of your groups life.  You defeated bad guys, got a good haul, and had a blast with the local tavern wenches.  In the morning however you find out the tavern wenches who were sleeping downstairs are all beaten up, the food is gone, your money is stolen, and everyone who was there claims that cheese people robbed the place while you were all passed out drunk.  You're having a bit of a hard time accepting their explanation, but the place does seem Limburgery today...
  • Local Halfling Wizard King Codpuncher (that doesn't sound megalomaniacal in any way...) has hired the PC's to test out his security.  In reality he's bored and wants to see someone beaten up by the various food based Golems running around his trapped underground mansion.  Darn sneaky them Halflings.

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #118 on: January 10, 2009, 12:09:57 PM »
Beholder, Mutate
                      Small Aberration
Hit Dice:             2d8+4 (13 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          18 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/-5
Attack:               Eye Rays +4 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite -6 melee (1d4-2)
Full Attack:          Eye Rays +4 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite -6 melee (1d4-2)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Rays, Central Eye
Special Qualities:    All-Around Vision, Dark Vision 60', Flight
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 6, Dex 16, Con 14, Int 15, Wis 15, Cha 13
Skills:               Hide +6, Knowledge (Arcana) +6, Listen +8, Search +6, Spot +8, Survival +4
Feats:               Alertness
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment:     ---


Beholder, Mutate
                      Medium Aberration
Hit Dice:             6d8+18 (45 hp)
Initiative:           +6
Speed:                5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          19 (+2 Dex, +7 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+3
Attack:               Eye Rays +6 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite -2 melee (1d6-1)
Full Attack:          Eye Rays +6 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite -2 melee (1d6-1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Rays, Central Eye
Special Qualities:    All-Around Vision, Dark Vision 60', Flight
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +7
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 14, Con 16, Int 15, Wis 15, Cha 13
Skills:              Hide +8, Knowledge (Arcana) +8, Listen +10, Search +8, Spot +10, Survival +8
Feats:            Alertness, Improved Initiative   
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     6
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---





Beholder, Mutate
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             12d8+48 (102 hp)
Initiative:           +6
Speed:                5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          26 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +15 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 24
Base Attack/Grapple:  +8/+12
Attack:               Eye Rays +10 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite +3 melee (2d4)
Full Attack:          Eye Rays +10 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite +3 melee (2d4)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Rays, Central Eye
Special Qualities:    All-Around Vision, Dark Vision 60', Flight
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +6, Will +12
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 14, Con 18, Int 17, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills:               Hide +10, Knowledge (Arcana) +18, Listen +16, Search +15, Spot +16, Survival +14
Feats:               Alertness, Flyby Attack, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Iron Will
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     13
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          13-24 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---


Beholder, Mutate
                      Huge Aberration
Hit Dice:             24d8+120 (228 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          31 (-2 Size, +1 Dex, +22 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 30
Base Attack/Grapple:  +18/+28
Attack:               Eye Rays +19 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite +15 melee (2d6+2)
Full Attack:          Eye Rays +19 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite +15 melee (2d6+2)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Rays, Central Eye
Special Qualities:    All-Around Vision, Dark Vision 60', Flight
Saves:                Fort +15, Ref +9, Will +19
Abilities:            Str 14, Dex 12, Con 20, Int 17, Wis 17, Cha 18
Skills:               Hide +17, Knowledge (Arcana) +30, Listen +29, Search +27, Spot +29, Survival +15
Feats:               Ability Focus (Eye Rays), Alertness, Flyby Attack, Great Fortitude, Hover, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Narrowed Gaze, Pervasive Gaze (the last 2 Feats are from Savage Species) If it has the Antimagic Eye instead it has Point Blank Shot and Precise Shot
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     19?
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          25-48 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Don't you judge me!"

Most of the time Beholders are pretty picky and eliminate any of their kind that don't look like themselves.  Considering their mutativeness this means the off a lot of their kids for superficial differences.  In the Jester's Realm though quite a few mutants got free and formed a small society of their own.  They allow and encourage difference.  They also don't get along with 'normal' Beholders so well.  Beholder Mutates speak Beholder or Common.

Central Eye (Su): Each Beholder Mutate has a central Eye that is a Gaze Attack.  Range is 30 feet regardless of size.  Save DC to negate is 12 for Small, 14 for Medium, 18 for Large, and 26 for Large (Save DC is Charisma Based).  This can duplicate most spell effects of 6th level or less.  Optionally it may have the standard Beholder Antimagic eye.

Eye Rays (Su): Each of a Beholders eyestalks can produce a magical ray once per round as a Free Action.  Each rays effects resemble a spell, but follow the rules for a ray (see Aiming a Spell, PHB page 175).  A Small Beholder has 3 eyestalks, a Medium has 6, a Large has 10, and  a Huge one has 15.  Caster level is equal to (Hit Dice plus 2).  The amount of rays a Beholder can focus in any 90 degree arc varies with size: 2 for Small or Medium, 3 for Large, or 4 for Huge.  The effects of the Rays themselves vary wildly.  A Small Beholder has eye rays equivalent to two 1st level and one 2nd level spells.  A Medium Beholder has eye rays equivalent to one 1st level spell, three 2nd level spells, and one 3rd level spell.  A Large Beholder has eye rays equivalent to two 1st level, one 2nd level, one 3rd level, two 4th level, one 5th level, two 6th level, and one 7th level spell.  A Huge Beholder has eye rays equivalent to four 1st level, two 2nd level, two 3rd level, two 4th level, two 5th level, two 6th level, and one 7th level spells.  These spells must be ones that specifically target an individual.

All-Around Vision (Ex): The Beholders eyes give it a +4 racial bonus on Spot and Search checks, and they cannot be flanked.

Flight (Ex): A Beholders body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: Surprisingly similar to most Beholders, depending on what exact abilities their eye rays give them.

bhu

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Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
« Reply #119 on: January 13, 2009, 12:52:42 PM »
Funk Ape
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 4d10+8 (30 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Dex, +2 Natural. +2 Deflection), touch 14, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+6
Attack: Slam +6 melee (1d4+2)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +6 melee (1d4+2) and 1 Bite +1 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Funk, Blur
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60 ft., Immunities
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +6, Will +3
Abilities: Str 15, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 12
Skills: Climb +10, Listen +8, Spot +7
Feats: Alertness, Ability Focus (Funk)
Environment: Warm Forest
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 5-8 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---


" Oh..ohmigod...what is that?  It smells like mindflayer poop and burning rubber...avenge me...sputter...cough..."

Funk Apes are the result of experiments by Prak the Mad. Prak had set up shop in what was eventually to become known as Bad Critter forest, and begun experimenting on the life there, turning most of the local animals into Magical Beasts in the process. The Funk Ape appears to be a large baboon that smells bad. Really bad. So bad in fact that even the dead are repulsed. The miasma surrounding the Funk Ape even causes the air to shimmer and distort like some kind of haze.

Skills: Funk Apes get a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb checks, and can always take 10 on climb checks even if rushed or threatened.

Funk (Su): The Funk Ape smells bad. Any creature within 60' of it that can smell is in trouble. Even if it can't smell something seems to bother it. Once inside this area all living creatures with a sense of smell must make a DC 16 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based) or pass out for 1d6 rounds, be Nauseated for 1d6 rounds after awakening, and then Sickened for 1d6 hours more. As long as the creature remains within 60' of the Funk Ape it will have to make Saves to avoid unconsciousness. Creatures that aren't living or that have no sense of smell (or that are incorporeal) must also make a DC 16 Fortitude Save, or be Sickened as long as they are within 60' of the Funk Ape.

Blur (Su): Due to the air around it boiling the Funk Ape permanently has it's own personal Blur spell.

Immunities (Ex): Funk Apes are immune to disease (it's killed off by their Funk), inhaled gases or poisons (which can't get through the Funk), and any attack relying on their sense of smell (they have none due to the Funk).

Combat: Funk Apes are only mildly aggressive and usually sit in trees and fling poo at intruders. Occasionally they'll get riled up and charge. After that they just continuously whack their opponent till he falls or they run away if hurt too bad.  Most opponents simply black out or puke near them which is and endless supply of entertainment for the ape.