Author Topic: Secret of Immortality Discovered: Eat the Hearts of Children and live forever  (Read 7410 times)

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yellowdingo

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The secret of immortality has been discovered. Unfortunately it involves the killing of little children and eating their hearts (must be taken orally).

1. The experiments were done in a third world country and their Dictator for Life is now Dictator for ever...Worse still he is making billions off the wealthiest Americans who are now flying in once a year to "feed" on the local children - they will need to do so for the rest of their existance.

(a) Nuke the country and kill the Wealthy Americans buying immortality?

(b)Cheer that death has been cured but feign outrage at the gross cost of it?

(c)other?

2. A number of Wealthy have stopped going...and rumors suggest they are experimenting on local kids for the secret of immortality. Finally they announce that they have a solution but it involves harvesting poor American Kids. The Government Puts this to a vote of the Population so that they can divest themselves of the responsibility.

You are asked to vote Yes/No (anyone abstaining will be shot for treason for avoiding the issue).



emissary666

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Cool! I knew all that ki...never mind. I have not and never have eaten a child's heart. I am completely serious. Stop looking at me like that. Stop it... YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!
*runs off*
I make little kids cry
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Ubernoob

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I choose:

D) Assassinate the dictator and take his place.  Use my newfound power to begin world conquest.
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SixthDeclension

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The secret of immortality has been discovered. Unfortunately it involves the killing of little children and eating their hearts (must be taken orally).

1. The experiments were done in a third world country and their Dictator for Life is now Dictator for ever...Worse still he is making billions off the wealthiest Americans who are now flying in once a year to "feed" on the local children - they will need to do so for the rest of their existance.

(a) Nuke the country and kill the Wealthy Americans buying immortality?

(b)Cheer that death has been cured but feign outrage at the gross cost of it?

(c)other?

2. A number of Wealthy have stopped going...and rumors suggest they are experimenting on local kids for the secret of immortality. Finally they announce that they have a solution but it involves harvesting poor American Kids. The Government Puts this to a vote of the Population so that they can divest themselves of the responsibility.

You are asked to vote Yes/No (anyone abstaining will be shot for treason for avoiding the issue).




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AndyJames

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The secret of immortality has been discovered. Unfortunately it involves the killing of little children and eating their hearts (must be taken orally).

1. The experiments were done in a third world country and their Dictator for Life is now Dictator for ever...Worse still he is making billions off the wealthiest Americans who are now flying in once a year to "feed" on the local children - they will need to do so for the rest of their existance.

(a) Nuke the country and kill the Wealthy Americans buying immortality?

(b)Cheer that death has been cured but feign outrage at the gross cost of it?

(c)other?

2. A number of Wealthy have stopped going...and rumors suggest they are experimenting on local kids for the secret of immortality. Finally they announce that they have a solution but it involves harvesting poor American Kids. The Government Puts this to a vote of the Population so that they can divest themselves of the responsibility.

You are asked to vote Yes/No (anyone abstaining will be shot for treason for avoiding the issue).
1. Your choices are flawed. Kill the dictator and destroy all notes on the subject. That would stop the nonsense. However, judging from your other thread, I suspect you have other motives for this thread.

2. I am not American, so I don't get to vote.

CountArioch

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It depends.  Are you talking about actual hearts, or are you using that as a euphemism for stem cell research?

Because there are literally thousands of fetuses that will never be implanted and are just tossed out via the in vitro fertilization programs that can be used for the process.

It's idiotic to not use them, they will never be alive.
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1) Put the child to sleep. Eat the heart. Feel deliciously evil.
2) Have an epic cleric cast a component-less True Resurrection.
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emissary666

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Or
E) Become dictator of Belgium and eat delicious waffles topped with children's hearts for breakfast each day
or
F) Prove once and for all that ever-lasting life is not resistance against gun fellatio
I make little kids cry
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AndyJames

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Eh? Gun fellatio is not fatal. Making the gun orgasm, on the other hand, is...

Nox_Noctis

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It depends.  Are you talking about actual hearts, or are you using that as a euphemism for stem cell research?

Because there are literally thousands of fetuses that will never be implanted and are just tossed out via the in vitro fertilization programs that can be used for the process.

It's idiotic to not use them, they will never be alive.

Yeah, it's funny, when I read question 1, my first thought was the potential use of stem cells to create heart tissue to create child hearts without harming any living children.

If this is a literal inquiry for the sake of social understanding, it's an odd one. If the experiment here is really the observation of people's reactions to the questions themselves and not a study of answers, then this is ridiculous and I demand a refund (oh, and such a thing would be a violation of the ethical guidelines under which psychologists must operate - informed consent and the right to withdraw). ;)

As for my actual answers, my answer to 1 is C, using stem cells as I said above.

As for 2, I vote no (rejecting the proposed child experimentation) because of my answer to 1.

Also, I'm not entirely committed to my answers since the very possibility of eternal life would fuck up law (Social Security...), the economy, social norms, etc. very quickly, which, while not inherently bad, would cause unnecessary chaos, which is bad (because it's destructive, not productive/constructive).
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emissary666

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Eh? Gun fellatio is not fatal. Making the gun orgasm, on the other hand, is...

Didn't you know? All guns have a pre-mature ejaculation problem
I make little kids cry
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Kuroimaken

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Quote
Didn't you know? All guns have a pre-mature ejaculation problem

On the contrary, dude! If you get them locked in a certain position, they can go for days without going off.
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bhu

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G) Kill all the worlds children to prevent them from being exploited for immortality.  No, wait...

Nox_Noctis

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G) Kill all the worlds children to prevent them from being exploited for immortality.  No, wait...
I'm just waiting for everyone to realize that option C was "Other" and that all the D-G suggestions are really C suggestions...
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Ubernoob

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I'm just waiting for everyone to realize that option C was "Other" and that all the D-G suggestions are really C suggestions...
I was waiting until someone would notice that I added an extra letter.  Took long enough.
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Nox_Noctis

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I'm just waiting for everyone to realize that option C was "Other" and that all the D-G suggestions are really C suggestions...
I was waiting until someone would notice that I added an extra letter.  Took long enough.

I realized when D came in, but I was hoping it would just happen once. By the time we got to G I finally decided enough was enough and the shenanigans needed to stop. :P
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emissary666

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CZ9: Eat pie and get shot for not voting
9AG012L: Hide under your covers before mommy and daddy decide to live longer
J: Eat your child's heart
I make little kids cry
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SorO_Lost

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I'm guessing eating the heart of a happy child is better than an unhappy unloved one.
Can I pay for those heart with puppies? Its a good deal for both sides.
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ninjarabbit

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Re: Secret of Immortality Discovered: Eat the Hearts of Children and live forever
« Reply #19 on: September 19, 2008, 01:06:24 AM »
With all those people eating the hearts of children eventually you're going to run low or out of children to harvest. That's going to devestate the country's workforce with 20-30 years since you'll have fewer workers to fill all the jobs.