Author Topic: The worst thing to say during sex...  (Read 165182 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Vas

  • Ring-Tailed Lemur
  • **
  • Posts: 18
    • Email
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #240 on: September 18, 2008, 09:32:22 PM »
But then who's gonna hold the camera? Oh right, a tripod.....
If you\'re an army barber, does that mean you make a living shaving privates?

The definition of Irony: If Terri Irwin drove a Sazuki Stingray

Tshern

  • Clown Prince of Crime
  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 5726
  • Aistii valoa auttavasti
    • Email
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #241 on: September 18, 2008, 09:39:01 PM »
What's wrong with the visual?

Wearing a strap-on I can give her the joys of double penetration without having to deal with another man. :smirk
How the heck are you wearing that strap-on then?

Handy Links

EjoThims

  • Grape ape
  • *****
  • Posts: 1945
  • The Ferret
    • Email
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #242 on: September 18, 2008, 09:43:17 PM »
How the heck are you wearing that strap-on then?

Like a belt, but higher up on my stomach. And with the thong-like portion tucked around the rest of me. Has to be the kind with adjustable straps, of course.

CountArioch

  • Man in Gorilla Suit
  • *****
  • Posts: 2110
  • I <3 termites
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #243 on: September 18, 2008, 09:56:54 PM »
Plus, if she likes'em bigger than what you got, you can get one that's both big as she could ever dream about and is dishwasher safe.

Back when I was into sex, I was all about being creative.  It's not about rutting until climax, it's two adults getting butt nekkid and having some fun. 


You know, I don't miss much about my marriage, but I do miss the feeling of exhiliration that comes with trying new things sexually.  And I can be very creative.  (Side note:  How is it we have an angel smiley but not a devil smiley?   :P )
She hasn't come to crush your bones, nor tear your flesh
She has come to steal your sanity with just one glance

Sacrapos - At First Glance, Eluveitie

AfterCrescent

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Organ Grinder
  • *
  • Posts: 4220
  • Here After
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #244 on: September 19, 2008, 03:26:18 AM »
"Someone smell me"
The cake is a lie.
Need to play table top? Get your game on at:
Brilliant Gameologists' PbP Forum. Do it, you know you want to.
The 3.5 Cleric Handbook
The 13th Guard - An alternate history campaign idea.
Clerics just wake up one morning and decide they need to kick ass, and it needs to be kicked NOW. ~veekie

bhu

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 6783
  • Convincing the rich whale fat enemas are healthy
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #245 on: September 19, 2008, 08:04:32 AM »
"Y'know I've just realized your cat has been watching us the whole time."


"Yes, but he does that with all my boyfriends."

"Okay but why does he have a video camera hooked up to your PC?"

AndyJames

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 3112
  • Meep?
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #246 on: September 19, 2008, 08:11:50 AM »
Videokat, huh? :lol

BobismyRhino

  • Hong Kong
  • ****
  • Posts: 1051
  • *baby Bob kiss* MUAH!
    • Email
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #247 on: September 22, 2008, 02:55:55 AM »
"Here comes my tarantula pussy" Compliments of AC

And then there was, "Will you eat my cheese?" Immediately after I said it, I realized how wrong and bad that sounded.
To be fair, we WERE on the way to go make/eat pizza and I'm lactose intolerant.

People usually think that I've lost my mind. I haven't lost it, I know exactly where it is: the gutter.

My body is a temple. That is why I make chocolate sacrifices in it every day.

PhaedrusXY

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 8022
  • Advanced Spambot
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #248 on: September 22, 2008, 02:05:56 PM »
"Here comes my tarantula pussy" Compliments of AC

And then there was, "Will you eat my cheese?" Immediately after I said it, I realized how wrong and bad that sounded.
To be fair, we WERE on the way to go make/eat pizza and I'm lactose intolerant.
We need a vomit smiley.
[spoiler]
A couple of water benders, a dike, a flaming arrow, and a few barrels of blasting jelly?

Sounds like the makings of a gay porn film.
...thanks
[/spoiler]

j0lt

  • Hong Kong
  • ****
  • Posts: 1317
  • Browncoat
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #249 on: September 26, 2008, 10:40:55 AM »
Hey, I got a new video for us to watch, something called Two Girls, One Cup...

 :-[ :-\ ??? :o :jawdrop :couch
PbP Games
The Artifact (prologue) as Dr. Henry Loder, Mayan archaeologist


Nox_Noctis

  • Hong Kong
  • ****
  • Posts: 1236
  • A Simple Exchange
    • Email
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #250 on: September 26, 2008, 02:06:23 PM »
J0lt, you're way behind the times, clearly.   :lol
[spoiler]
[/spoiler]

dman11235

  • Grape ape
  • *****
  • Posts: 1544
    • Email
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #251 on: September 26, 2008, 10:27:13 PM »
Has anyone mention The Devil's Panties yet?  Some great ones there.....
My sig's Handy Haversack: Need help?  Want to see what I've done?  Want to see what others have done well?  Check it out.

AfterCrescent

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Organ Grinder
  • *
  • Posts: 4220
  • Here After
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #252 on: September 27, 2008, 02:55:40 AM »
Her: Your mom loves Denzel Washington. Man, I bet she's got a giant black dildo named Denzel. Oohhh Denzel...
Him: Are you masturbating?
Her:  :blush Shut-up!
The cake is a lie.
Need to play table top? Get your game on at:
Brilliant Gameologists' PbP Forum. Do it, you know you want to.
The 3.5 Cleric Handbook
The 13th Guard - An alternate history campaign idea.
Clerics just wake up one morning and decide they need to kick ass, and it needs to be kicked NOW. ~veekie

BobismyRhino

  • Hong Kong
  • ****
  • Posts: 1051
  • *baby Bob kiss* MUAH!
    • Email
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #253 on: September 27, 2008, 03:23:58 AM »
AC: So, we're going to play Magic tonight right? 'Cause you promised me we could play...
Me: Jeez, Magic is like sex to you.
AC: No. Sex is sex. Which, by the way, you also promised me. You're going to be very busy tonight.
Me:  :eh

People usually think that I've lost my mind. I haven't lost it, I know exactly where it is: the gutter.

My body is a temple. That is why I make chocolate sacrifices in it every day.

Kuroimaken

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 6733
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #254 on: September 27, 2008, 04:35:01 AM »
Why do I get the feeling it might go somewhat like this.

AC: I'm almost there...!
BIMR: Oh no you don't!
AC: I... cast... Concentration... for four... green... mana!
Gendou Ikari is basically Gregory House in Kaminashades. This is FACT.

For proof, look here:

http://www.layoutjelly.com/image_27/gendo_ikari/

[SPOILER]
Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?
Final Fantasy 7
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Katana of Enlightenment.
Get yours.[/SPOILER]

I HAVE BROKEN THE 69 INTERNETS BARRIER!


AfterCrescent

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Organ Grinder
  • *
  • Posts: 4220
  • Here After
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #255 on: September 27, 2008, 04:37:25 AM »
I am so going to do that now. :lol
The cake is a lie.
Need to play table top? Get your game on at:
Brilliant Gameologists' PbP Forum. Do it, you know you want to.
The 3.5 Cleric Handbook
The 13th Guard - An alternate history campaign idea.
Clerics just wake up one morning and decide they need to kick ass, and it needs to be kicked NOW. ~veekie

BobismyRhino

  • Hong Kong
  • ****
  • Posts: 1051
  • *baby Bob kiss* MUAH!
    • Email
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #256 on: September 27, 2008, 04:38:50 AM »
He's not kidding.

I hate you a little Kuro.

People usually think that I've lost my mind. I haven't lost it, I know exactly where it is: the gutter.

My body is a temple. That is why I make chocolate sacrifices in it every day.

PhoenixInferno

  • Hong Kong
  • ****
  • Posts: 1360
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #257 on: September 27, 2008, 05:11:59 AM »
You guys are fucking awesome.  You should have your own web-show.

Kuroimaken

  • Organ Grinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 6733
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #258 on: September 27, 2008, 05:31:05 AM »
Quote
He's not kidding.

I hate you a little Kuro.

Then make with the negative fu!  :P
Gendou Ikari is basically Gregory House in Kaminashades. This is FACT.

For proof, look here:

http://www.layoutjelly.com/image_27/gendo_ikari/

[SPOILER]
Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?
Final Fantasy 7
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Katana of Enlightenment.
Get yours.[/SPOILER]

I HAVE BROKEN THE 69 INTERNETS BARRIER!


Nox_Noctis

  • Hong Kong
  • ****
  • Posts: 1236
  • A Simple Exchange
    • Email
Re: The worst thing to say during sex...
« Reply #259 on: September 27, 2008, 05:40:08 AM »
Wow... that was dumb. I was this huge response (likethe size of this whole post after all edits, etc.), my web browser messed up and (here's the dumb part) I got the fucking brilliant idea to restart my computer to fix the glitch. Of course, I didn't think to save the response in a document. It was just on the copy/paste task. That doesn't carry over when you restart...

So now that that's wasted, I'll recap as best as my patience will allow:

You guys (AC and Rhino [...I am still a little confused as to what we're supposed to call you so I've been calling you Rhino lately]) are crazy. That's both praise and criticism. I would probably break up with a girl over some of the things you two have said, so the praise is for sticking through the truly disturbing times. The criticism is obvious: some of that stuff is truly ...creepy.

Fake Edit: Oh, I remembered that I also noted that this was of particular interest to me because I think that the stereotypical "nerdy" girls often depicted in movies, etc. (you know, the fake ones? - or the rare exceptions, I guess, by existence of Rhino as proof of example; I note this because I'm somewhat shallow and have no qualms with having standards regarding beauty in addition to standards of personality) are totally hot/sexy. You know the ones I'm talking about: Rachael Leigh Cook's character in Scorched, the El Goonish Shive characters if they weren't two-dimensional (because two-dimensional just doesn't cut it - I avoid actually using, but will acknowledge that using "measure up" as a pun because of dimensions of measurement being examined did cross my mind), etc.

That actually preceded the paragraph that precedes the fake edit in this rendition (this is actually still part of the fake edit, but I don't feel like being too picky at the moment). Anyway, that led into the "crazy" bit because I noticed that despite thinking that the depiction of such girls is totally hot, I'm not sure how much I could handle after seeing some of the stuff you guys post.  :P

Anyway, I then went on to say that EGS (El Goonish Shive) has still confused me more (than my confusion over whether I could actually handle being with such a type of girl). For example (and don't worry, I didn't include multiple examples in the original post, so you're not missing anything), while reading EGS, I came to realize that I would not mind (and keep in mind I mean what follows in a non-permanent, not even long-duration way - maybe a day at most) my girlfriend and I (who I note does not currently exist, at least not as my girlfriend yet, so when such a person exists that is my girlfriend) switching sexes. I actually think that would be totally hot (again, with a short duration). That said, my confusion comes from the fact that I most certainly find this to be hot and the fact that I (after much deliberation over what actually sexually interests me, believe me) have no gay or bisexual interest.

Then I went on to damn Agita for showing me that comic. Then I noted parenthetically that I had just realized we did not have as smiley with fire-eyes and that that was totally lame.

I don't remember what the last thing I said was, but it was like five words, so it can't have been too important.


Real Edit: To be fair, I'm not even sure how confused I am since whenever I imagine the whole "transforming into the opposite sex temporarily" thing, I only really imagine having breasts and a vagina (and the ensuing self-groping, crazy new forms of self-exploration and masturbation, and finding out if the rumors/facts/etc. are true that women have more stimulating orgasms). The whole girlfriend (would she count as a boyfriend?) who would then have a penis doesn't appear in my thoughts.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2008, 05:52:39 AM by Nox_Noctis »
[spoiler]
[/spoiler]