Kevin, so far your DM's interpretation of 'RAW' seems to involve really dodgy alternate faerun rules variants and ignoring the FAQ (mystic theurge grants spells known. This has been gone over in the errata. This has been gone over in the FAQ. By RAW, it does it anyway. The designers have personally said that assuming that it doesn't give spells known is a classic mistake in reading the rules and the sign of someone over-rules-lawyering), getting rid of class powers/abilities for bullshit reasons (at no point anywhere in crusader does it ever mention any kind of cleric or paladin code - also, I have never seen a sane DM play the paladin code 'if you're in a group with someone who does something bad you autofall' thing... even the code in the PHB says that it's an 'example'), interpreting things in a way that screws over players/abilities he doesn't like (crusader thing again, everything else you've ever said, 'can't build a charger because he makes everything unchargeable') and metagames the fuck out of the world to screw over people he doesn't like (charger thing, other stuff you've said).
Maybe in his mind he's within the rules, but he's taking the 1% and 5% interpretations of RAW in order to fuel his own prejudices, being a dick in every non-RAW way, and basically screwing over anyone and everyone in his game (probably even himself... I doubt with all the worrying he's doing over crusaders being broken and players constantly 'taking advantage' of him he's had much fun in the game). All of that makes him, in my mind, a hostile GM. A Lawful one as opposed to a Chaotic one, but still Evil. You don't need to actually ignore the rules in order to be a bad/hostile GM. It just makes it more twisted and hard for players to understand what is going on cause it seems like you're following the rules but everything is shit and everyone is playing a game of 'mother may I' with the DM in the hope he won't fuck over their character forever and make them useless and not have fun and then not let them reroll 'because it's not realistic' (because one character leaving the party for whatever reason and another joining totally never happens ever).
If your GM thinks that spells are A-Okay and that fighters are broken, go fucking sorcerer.(or thinks feats are too powerful/can be nerfed and spells can't/shouldn't.. whatever). Don't go anything with a alignment requirement. Don't go anything with any kind of code. Don't go into a prestige class with anything non-crunch required('requires membership in the X', 'chaotic alignment', 'must maintain a relationship with the griffonlickers of aglarond'). Don't take anything that relies on feats, apparently. Don't go anything that does a whole lot of damage in one go, it will likely get nerfed or 'changed' or suddenly bad things will happen to your character or everything will be immune to fire forever for no reason(classic hostile/bad GM thing - thinking 'big numbers' means 'broken'. The amount of times i've seen chargers get crucified while full attack fighters (who do 30 per hit instead of 150 in one hit once per round) who do double their damage and have more hp and flexibility get ignored, and wizards who take out whole rooms with one spell get told they're 'weak'...). Don't talk about, worry about, or ask about, any kind of mechanics at the table. That will get you nerfed.
Also, the thing with people in positions of less power blaming themselves when they get abused ('I should have known not to wear the green dress, he hates that') is a genuine psychological thing that humans do so that they can survive. They rationalize that they are wrong for making perfectly reasonable decisions/choices because the person in power didn't like it - even if they had no idea the person in power didn't like it until they got beat up.
That's basically exactly what you're doing.
And please don't say that it's the beaten woman's fault. Maybe in like 0.1% of cases the beaten woman is intentionally baiting the person in power as part of some kind of labyrinthine guilt trip, but that kind of suicide gambit requires too much power given up for most manipulative people to even consider doing it (at least on purpose, which is what you're implying). There is never any legitimate reason to beat someone up, physically or emotionally, if you are in a position of power. Full stop.
