If it may help, I've introduced someone new to D&D recently. And, I've tried to impress on him the real firm distinctions of fluff and crunch, and that the nice thing about (3.5) D&D is that you can really build a concept so many different ways.
I agree w/ you on archetypes. I also think that the CO community tends to overstate things. If the Wizard is lobbing fireballs rather than going all God-style (or even only occasionally doing so), I don't think he'll outpace the Fighter, assuming a reasonably well-built one, all that much. I mean, take away Celerity, Abrupt Jaunt, etc. and things get less stark. Sure, you still have Polymorph (which is a headache in and of itself), but if a Wizard goes the "iconic D&D route" -- fireball, cone of cold, evard's black tentacles, haste, etc. -- while he'll still have some really good spells, like Evard's, that gap strikes me as a lot smaller.
Now, all that assumes you have a reasonably well-built Fighter, Paladin, etc. If you just take Weapon Focus and Toughness w/ all your feats, well ... But, I don't think it'd be all that hard to get to the "reasonably well-built" plateau.