Author Topic: F***ing elves, how do they work?  (Read 3767 times)

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Prime32

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F***ing elves, how do they work?
« on: April 19, 2011, 11:33:05 PM »
Elves. One of the most iconic aspects of the Tolkienian fantasy setting, and one of the most beloved/derided. What unusual takes on elves have you used in your games, or planned to?


Here's one of mine. As for another:
Elves like living in harmony with nature, right? Their houses blend right in with the existing forest instead of replacing them?
But whatever way you look at it, however they spin it, that's a house now and not a tree. Their culture places an emphasis on outward appearance which few humans can understand. For, you see, elves are the forest-dwelling members of a parasitic race. Where they come in other places they are known by different names and different reputations, but their true name is unknown. An individual "elf" is spoken of as living for thousands of years, but in truth that elf is a suit which has been worn by multiple members of their race over time. As for where they get these suits... use your imagination. Their gestation period takes place inside hollowed-out trees, the elf-matter within giving them a semblance of life. Since humanoid suits are necessarily in short supply, some elves are forced to use animals or trees as hosts, the elves calling the latter "treants" if anyone spots them moving. That forest village can be far larger than it seems... and very happy to meet lone travellers.
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[spoiler]Tier 6: A cartographer.
Tier 5: An expert cartographer or a decent marksman.
Tier 4: An expert marksman.
Tier 3: An expert marksman, cartographer and chef who can tie strong knots and is trained in hostage negotiation or a marksman so good he can shoot down every bullet fired by a minigun while armed with a rusted single-shot pistol that veers to the left.
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Tier 1: Someone with teleportation, mind control, time manipulation, intangibility, the ability to turn into an exact duplicate of anything and the ability to see into the future with perfect accuracy.[/spoiler]

oslecamo

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2011, 11:54:29 PM »
Elfs as a barbaric race that lives in the wilderness. They possess exceptional natural health, being immune to most diseases wich allows them to be in direct contact with mother nature all the time whitout worrying about geting sick or infections. And they not only live a lot of time, they're just as fertile as humans. Since they are perfectly fine living out of the land whitout worrying about building cities or money, they mostly gather good... And have kids. Lots of them. Wich are also immune to disease meaning most of them will survive to adulthood. Elven numbers are bigger than all other races put togheter, but they hide their true numbers in the wilderness.

They mostly keep to themselves, but give them a reason to be pissed off (wich may simply be cuting down trees from their forests or just looking at them funny), and they'll zerg rush you with all their might. Whole fortresses have gone down to hordes of elves piling their dead upon the walls untill they reached the top and slaughtering everybody inside. The fact that they usually end covered in mud, blood, dirt and raw animal skins gives them a quite gruesome look, and most people who witness those assaults actually think they're fighting a completely diferent race, named "orcs". As the rumors go, "orcs" live only for battle as they're only witnessed performing those massive assaults.

Eventually this leads to a small group of elite elves that trough dumb luck have survived hundreds of those attacks during their existences, and learned a lot from it. They're stronger, faster and smarter than everybody else. Ironically they end up seeing their brethern as hopeless morons and retire to solitary lifes or go adventuring on their own. Since they're the only elves who will do peacefull contact with other humoinds, this had led to the legend that all elves are super elite beings.

Tenebrus

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2011, 03:42:02 AM »
Taking from Runequest, I make Elves actual plants.  That's how a large number can live in the forest without cutting it down to plant wheat.  They get their empathy with trees from being like them; they eat sparingly, just a bit to absorb needed minerals, and mainly drink water.  They live, age, and die as trees do, ending only by disease, accident, or murder.  I love this arrangement.  And it explains that immune to charm and sleep thing, as they are no longer "persons."

veekie

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2011, 10:52:14 AM »
Taking from Runequest, I make Elves actual plants.  That's how a large number can live in the forest without cutting it down to plant wheat.  They get their empathy with trees from being like them; they eat sparingly, just a bit to absorb needed minerals, and mainly drink water.  They live, age, and die as trees do, ending only by disease, accident, or murder.  I love this arrangement.  And it explains that immune to charm and sleep thing, as they are no longer "persons."
I got one written up somewhere where elves are the fruiting bodies of a sentient form of tree. They stiffen as they age, and eventually take root, forming the basis of a new tree-city. Wild elves in the same region are symbiotic with them and insect based(and violate the elf breed slowly thing).

The origin?
 Some faeries can and will breed with anything.
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Amechra

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2011, 03:27:01 AM »
I have a couple...

-Elves are born from the fruiting bodies of a mature "elven tree", more accurately, as a type of mold. This mold is not actually intelligent, and it grows rather quickly (one of my players used one as a wig. He was the equivalent of a warforged powered by PURE BELIEF. Remind me to tell you about the setting some time.). It then develops a humanoid body, without mammary glands (duh), and with the typical plant hair. They then enter into sexual maturity for a couple months, during which time, they develop a rather... strong sex drive, leading to nymphomania and satyriasis (designated by APPARENT gender. They are genderless.) They then slowly stiffen into actual trees later on. They also get natural druidic casting because, well, they are talking to their relatives.

-Elves are a mostly peaceful race, split into three types of densely interlocking groups (religious cults, blood-family tribes, and soul-family bands, of which an elf can be a member of each. Makes any wars that actually happen very awkward, as they tend to not want to kill anyone who are in the same grouping as they are), whose elementary social group is the triads. They each have a natural necromantic ability, which gets stronger within a triad; in my world, they "invented" the Necropolitan ritual. A single small web of warlike tribes, bands, and cults, known as the Singular Horde, invaded halfling lands (halflings invented cities), and through the forced mating of elves and halflings came gnomes. The Singular Horde then fell into debauchery and thorough self experimentation, they created orcs and humans (staunch allies and friends in my setting), who then overthrew them. As such, being an elf (or half-elf), means that you are practically Public Enemy No. 1; this has led to... problems with the tribes, bands, and cults not involved in the Singular Horde.
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Cleric: "I can kill a guy in half a turn."
Wizard: "I can kill a guy before my turn."
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On a strange note, would anyone be put out if we had a post about people or events we can spare a thought for, or if its within their creed, a prayer for? Just a random thought, but ... hells I wouldn't have known about either Archangels daughter or Saeomons niece if I didn't happen to be on these threads.
Sounds fine to me.
probably over on "Off-topic".
might want to put a little disclaimer in the first post.

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chojin

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #5 on: July 01, 2011, 09:31:53 PM »
For the campaign I'm currently in:

- In the beginning was the elves.  The largest group of them formed the Bright Empire, the greatest force for oppression the world has ever seen.  The elves of the empire are mostly lawful evil, with the nicer elves who disagreed with them long since driven underground or deep into the forests.  The empire deals extensively with devils, has a large, organized slave trade, and a well organized bureaucracy around the emperor.  The inspiration was taking Melnibone and combining it with the Roman empire.

Tenebrus

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2011, 04:44:05 PM »
For the campaign I'm currently in:

- In the beginning was the elves.  The largest group of them formed the Bright Empire, the greatest force for oppression the world has ever seen.  The elves of the empire are mostly lawful evil, with the nicer elves who disagreed with them long since driven underground or deep into the forests.  The empire deals extensively with devils, has a large, organized slave trade, and a well organized bureaucracy around the emperor.  The inspiration was taking Melnibone and combining it with the Roman empire.

Loving the Melnibone influence.  Possibly my biggest influence, even more (and/or better?) than Tolkien, at least for me.

Twilightwyrm

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2011, 10:53:10 PM »
For the campaign I'm currently in:

- In the beginning was the elves.  The largest group of them formed the Bright Empire, the greatest force for oppression the world has ever seen.  The elves of the empire are mostly lawful evil, with the nicer elves who disagreed with them long since driven underground or deep into the forests.  The empire deals extensively with devils, has a large, organized slave trade, and a well organized bureaucracy around the emperor.  The inspiration was taking Melnibone and combining it with the Roman empire.

Sounds like the High Elves from the Elder Scrolls games. To an uncanny degree actually, if you substitute daedra for devils.
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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2011, 11:41:52 PM »
You know I'm a fan of the tomes right?
Honestly though what sold me WASN'T the mechanics it was the sahaguin, dwarf, Half-orc, and Elf write ups.
My favorite elf take was there therefore:

Elves: Servants of the High Wizards 

The individual elf is a fine adventurer, blessed with many attributes that make them well suited to a life of killing monsters for their hard-earned possessions. They are extremely long-lived, quick of eye and reflexes, and blessed with the kind of training that comes from a childhood that spans decades. With all of these benefits, one wonders why they don’t rule the world.
 
The answer is simple: they have a secret. That secret is that elves, as a race, are the pawns of powerful wizards. Just as powerful wizards have taken the heads of giant owls and put them on the bodies of bears, some wizards in the far past decided "hey, lets make a race that’s hot, skinny, and long-lived enough to learn to really please me." The end result is a race whose favored class is Wizard, a class requiring study and materials. As engineered servants of powerful wizards, they mystically have the ability to learn their master’s arts. The influence of the overlord wizards is the explanation for the variation in the subraces of elves: height, skin coloration, racial abilities, and physical and mental attributes are shaped by the overlords to suit their favored environment and tastes in beauty. Wild elves are physically powerful but dim, while snow elves are hardy but racially arrogant and haughty, and this all stems from the tastes of their wizard overlords in the past. Art and music is encouraged among the young because it makes them more attractive to their overlords.

This doesn’t mean that your average elf is directly under the thumb of anyone; elves, like any race, have the ability to grow in power by testing themselves against dangers that can kill them. This means that the wizard overlords of the elven race are in fact elves now; like the githyanki, they threw off the shackles of their overlords eons ago...only to wear shackles designed by members of their own race. This is why in places like Faerun, any individual elf can’t even go to the elven homeland without doing something drastic (like promise to never leave). Powerful magic protects these places because the elven high wizards that rule the race live in these locations, and they receive only benefit from letting individual members wander the world collecting new experiences and magic to hopefully bring back to them.
 
As a race, elves of all professions tend to think like long-lived wizards. They know that they can potentially live hundreds of years, so they tend to be very risk adverse. In a word, like any wizard who survives very long in the 3.5e universe, they are cowards. They don’t allow ideas like "permanent homes" or "pride" to get in the way of survival. Your average elf lives in the woods because the woods have a lot of hiding places and a native of any particular woods can outrun any non-native trying to catch them, and if your home in a tree burns down you can easily build another home in another tree. Archery is encouraged among elves because it keeps your enemies at a distance, and it grants elves the ability to attack from hiding. Stealth and a distributed cell structure to their society keep them alive long enough for their wizards to prepare a strategy to beat their enemies. They harass and use hit and run tactics to wear down enemies to buy time for their wizards to draw upon their hundreds of years of experience in order to deal with the enemy.
-Frome the Tome of How things should be.

It seemed a really workable way to have X variants of elves in every climate.


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WeAreLegion

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #9 on: July 09, 2011, 03:35:02 AM »
There were a couple recent posts  here with some thoughts on elves and how their longevity might effect things.
« Last Edit: July 09, 2011, 04:06:27 AM by WeAreLegion »

Lycanthromancer

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #10 on: August 08, 2011, 09:13:28 AM »
My elves are kept in breeding pens by thri-kreen as foodstuffs.
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veekie

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #11 on: August 08, 2011, 03:04:10 PM »
Bit impractical given their breeding rate. You'd need them waist deep in an aphrodisiac nutrient broth.
The mind transcends the body.
It's also a little cold because of that.
Please get it a blanket.

I wish I could read your mind,
I can barely read mine.

"Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. At 2:15, it begins rolling up characters."

[spoiler]
"Just what do you think the moon up in the sky is? Everyone sees that big, round shiny thing and thinks there must be something round up there, right? That's just silly. The truth is much more awesome than that. You can almost never see the real Moon, and its appearance is death to humans. You can only see the Moon when it's reflected in things. And the things it reflects in, like water or glass, can all be broken, right? Since the moon you see in the sky is just being reflected in the heavens, if you tear open the heavens it's easy to break it~"
-Ibuki Suika, on overkill

To sumbolaion diakoneto moi, basilisk ouranionon.
Epigenentheto, apoleia keraune hos timeis pteirei.
Hekatonkatis kai khiliakis astrapsato.
Khiliarkhou Astrape!
[/spoiler]

There is no higher price than 'free'.

"I won't die. I've been ordered not to die."

Lycanthromancer

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #12 on: August 09, 2011, 01:25:06 AM »
Bit impractical given their breeding rate. You'd need them waist deep in an aphrodisiac nutrient broth.
They have a specially-tailored breeding program, and elf-spawn are considered delicacies.

(This thread is about F***ing elves, after all.)
« Last Edit: August 09, 2011, 01:33:24 AM by Lycanthromancer »
[spoiler]Masculine men like masculine things. Masculine men are masculine. Therefore, liking masculine men is masculine.

I dare anyone to find a hole in that logic.
______________________________________
[/spoiler]I'm a writer. These are my stories. Some are even SFW! (Warning: Mostly Gay.)
My awesome poster collection. (Warning, some are NSFW.)
Agita's awesome poster collection.
[spoiler]
+1 Lycanthromancer
Which book is Lycanthromancer in?
Lyca ... is in the book. Yes he is.
 :D
shit.. concerning psionics optimization, lycan IS the book
[/spoiler]

RelentlessImp

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #13 on: August 22, 2011, 11:40:05 AM »
Bit impractical given their breeding rate. You'd need them waist deep in an aphrodisiac nutrient broth.
They have a specially-tailored breeding program, and elf-spawn are considered delicacies.

(This thread is about F***ing elves, after all.)

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #14 on: September 07, 2011, 11:51:18 PM »
Elves are the eternal Other.  They are the only core player race without souls.  They are the remnants of some past period when the Other broke through into this realm, warping the world and creating most of the strands of arcane magic. 

PC elves travel within human society, but they do not live by the same religious, moral, legal or natural laws.  Some spend their seemingly endless lives trying to recreate the Other in pockets of our realm, building magical courts where they sing and dance and battle.  Others live more fully within mortal society, playing ancient and obscure games with the lives of those surrounding them.  Whether human society is an inconvenience or a play-thing, they know it is only temporary.

Elves are not scholars.  There is no such thing as a written elven language. Their history is in their memories and their songs and their magic. 

Most humans are awed and frightened by elves.  They are the shadows dancing in the moonlight, the spirits come to defile man's daughters, the masters of eternal plantations where a thousand generations of men have toiled.  Only the power of the divine, which was used to break the hold of the Other over this realm in ages past, allows humans and elves to live in relative peace. 

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Re: F***ing elves, how do they work?
« Reply #15 on: September 08, 2011, 12:53:39 AM »
Only bothered reading the title.

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