Two funny things happened at the office today.
First, I was putting together some monthly monetary statements, which basically meant quite a bit of stapling. Since I had to do much of it one-handed, I simply put the stapler down at one place, slid the papers underneath, and slapped the stapler.
...until eventually my coworkers, who share a table with me, asked me to stop for a second and pulled the stapler up. There was a small but perfectly-shaped dent in the form of the stapler's base on the desk. I didn't notice, but apparently every time I slapped the stapler, the whole table shook.
Second, one of the guys from the archives was there to deliver a few boxes of documents from another building that had started working with us recently, when my coworker pointed out to him there was a small wall, about waist height, full of boxes they needed to take down. The guy took offense when he was asked when he would be bringing them down. Things started to escalate until I interrupted.
"Okay, first, if there's gonna be blood, grab the bleach first, cuz I'm not cleaning up after the two of you. Second, if you're gonna have a dick size competition, stop talking about it and drop your pants already to settle this down. It'd be kinda pointless though, because mine's the biggest anyway."The two of them shared a laugh and things got back down to an acceptable level of civility.