Author Topic: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods  (Read 131394 times)

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Flay Crimsonwind

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #820 on: September 20, 2011, 10:16:09 PM »
If he hadn't already made up his mind about whether or not to show them, his colleague had certainly helped him decide. He unfolded his arms, and said with a commanding but quiet tone, "Take the knee and present yourselves." He made eye contact with noone, uncertain of how dignified this might look.

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #821 on: September 20, 2011, 11:13:01 PM »
The Quartermaster boredly looks at your new thug: "Name and profession?"


"My name is Ted.  I'm an Evil Minion.  I don't rape sheep or nuthin' like that I just sorta fetch and carry stuff, or buy spell components or haggle with merchants.  Some occasional guard duty or warfare.  Mild evil.  Uncapitalized evil.  I think the worst thing I've done is bash an old mans skull in with his own cane, but it turns out he was a child molester so it's okay."

The Quartermaster gives Jojo 'the look'.  For loooong moments.

"Yes...I remember you.  You already have citizenship conditional with your employment.  We'll assume your old employer is dead as per your usual."

nother look at Jojo "So you'll be employing this gentleman as what exactly?"

at this moment an entire family of squirrels (mother and father, son and daughter, and two grandparents) leaps from the Samurai's shirt.  "We're here to act as the iron fist of revenge for the kindly gentleman who helped out village."

the Quartermaster also looks at Flay

"Oh but don't worry we don't mean vengeance now.  Even if you are a filthy monkey you've been quite helpful."

the Quartermaster takes some pills

"Fill out these forms."

turns back to Jojo "Again, you'll be employing this...individual?"

konner09

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #822 on: September 20, 2011, 11:27:32 PM »
runs back to the station and bursts through the door " Oh yeah" joseph exclaims
[spoiler] :lmao[/spoiler]
[spoiler] Every generation has a teen heartthrob made for 16 and Tiger Beet magazine.

You can go back many years and there was a guy named Donny Osmond who probably every male teenager wanted to kick the crap out of. Leif Garrett, David Cassidy, The Mmm Bop kids, Justin timberlake, on and on.

This Bieber kid is just another of many over-hyped kids created? by the music machine geniuses to give them someone to grace the covers of 16 magazine and to get little teen girls excited. Random Youtuber [/spoiler]

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. - edgar allen poe

Flay Crimsonwind

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #823 on: September 20, 2011, 11:27:45 PM »
Zach gave his most dignified return look possible to the Quartermaster. It was actually easier, as they'd described themselves as the Iron Fists of Revenge. It was comparatively less silly than the usual name around this world. He leaned over, looked at the squirrels and the paper. "Should..... here, let me help you with this." He picked up the pen, gave it a confused look, but understanding the principle put the tip to paper. "Tell me what to write, and I'll record it for you. Until we get some appropriately sized paper, that is."

jojolagger

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #824 on: September 21, 2011, 12:20:29 AM »
turns back to Jojo "Again, you'll be employing this...individual?"
You'd rather he end up working for someone like his last boss instead?
Countdown to Zombie Apocalypse 97
When you see this, copy it into your sig and -1
:lovefirefox
Quotes [spoiler]
In other words, he thinks there's a "correct" way to play D&D.  *sigh*
There is: Kill shit and loot the corpse!
When you use a tool the way it was designed for -- its intended function -- then it will work very well for you.

But it's not the tool's fault if you use it for something else and you fail utterly, such as trying to eat cereal with a butterknife, pounding nails with a screwdriver, blogging to voice your political opinions, and brushing your teeth with a hammer.
[/spoiler]

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #825 on: September 21, 2011, 04:22:53 AM »
"Yes most of his bosses have been scum and they've all died under unusual circumstances."

Ted tries not to look nervous.

Quartermaster looks at Joseph druggily "What the fuck do you want?"

konner09

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #826 on: September 21, 2011, 05:18:11 AM »
"Yes most of his bosses have been scum and they've all died under unusual circumstances."

Ted tries not to look nervous.

Quartermaster looks at Joseph druggily "What the fuck do you want?"

"I dunno" joseph says "smiling"
[spoiler] Every generation has a teen heartthrob made for 16 and Tiger Beet magazine.

You can go back many years and there was a guy named Donny Osmond who probably every male teenager wanted to kick the crap out of. Leif Garrett, David Cassidy, The Mmm Bop kids, Justin timberlake, on and on.

This Bieber kid is just another of many over-hyped kids created? by the music machine geniuses to give them someone to grace the covers of 16 magazine and to get little teen girls excited. Random Youtuber [/spoiler]

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. - edgar allen poe

VennDygrem

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #827 on: September 21, 2011, 01:56:53 PM »
"He's with us. Don't worry about him, he's mostly harmless." Alcy says with a shrug.

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #828 on: September 21, 2011, 09:21:03 PM »
"Very well then.  Now that you have most of the preliminary paperwork done well send you the rest along with your housing ads.  Now I'd like to briefly enjoy my stress medication unless perhaps  you have something else that needs done?"

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #829 on: September 23, 2011, 12:12:12 AM »
"No?  Well then be off with you I need to close shop and find some liquor."


At this point a female troll dressed in a blond wig in whorish makeup and a dress that covers nothing, leads in a primitive neandertal by a collar.

"I need emergency citizenship status!"

Quartermaster: "It would help if you covered yourself.  And him.  What is he anyway?"

Troll: "Mah husbin'!

Quartermaster looks at the rest of you while putting up a closed sign on the door: "OUT!  Out before anyone else thinks I'm open."

WHere are you all going?


Sir Shadow

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #830 on: September 23, 2011, 12:57:50 AM »
Did he give us some options of where we can get a place? Or did he not give us the housing ads yet?

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #831 on: September 23, 2011, 06:09:34 PM »
He said he would be having those sent to your current residence later in the day.

jojolagger

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #832 on: September 23, 2011, 09:25:22 PM »
Let's head to the docks to talk to the medusa, then head back to the Broken Kneecap.
Countdown to Zombie Apocalypse 97
When you see this, copy it into your sig and -1
:lovefirefox
Quotes [spoiler]
In other words, he thinks there's a "correct" way to play D&D.  *sigh*
There is: Kill shit and loot the corpse!
When you use a tool the way it was designed for -- its intended function -- then it will work very well for you.

But it's not the tool's fault if you use it for something else and you fail utterly, such as trying to eat cereal with a butterknife, pounding nails with a screwdriver, blogging to voice your political opinions, and brushing your teeth with a hammer.
[/spoiler]

konner09

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #833 on: September 23, 2011, 09:41:03 PM »
Let's head to the docks to talk to the medusa, then head back to the Broken Kneecap.

"sure why not" joseph says
[spoiler] Every generation has a teen heartthrob made for 16 and Tiger Beet magazine.

You can go back many years and there was a guy named Donny Osmond who probably every male teenager wanted to kick the crap out of. Leif Garrett, David Cassidy, The Mmm Bop kids, Justin timberlake, on and on.

This Bieber kid is just another of many over-hyped kids created? by the music machine geniuses to give them someone to grace the covers of 16 magazine and to get little teen girls excited. Random Youtuber [/spoiler]

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. - edgar allen poe

VennDygrem

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #834 on: September 24, 2011, 12:16:53 AM »
"Did we ever successfully find her a man? I thought I remembered someone saying they might be interested..."

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #835 on: September 24, 2011, 01:57:05 AM »
The Medusa is at a bar near the  docks.  She's had several glasses of wine and appears to be in a bad mood.

"Who the hell are you lot?"

jojolagger

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #836 on: September 24, 2011, 04:12:14 AM »
A newly founded adventuring guild. We heard you were looking for a special someone. :smirk
Countdown to Zombie Apocalypse 97
When you see this, copy it into your sig and -1
:lovefirefox
Quotes [spoiler]
In other words, he thinks there's a "correct" way to play D&D.  *sigh*
There is: Kill shit and loot the corpse!
When you use a tool the way it was designed for -- its intended function -- then it will work very well for you.

But it's not the tool's fault if you use it for something else and you fail utterly, such as trying to eat cereal with a butterknife, pounding nails with a screwdriver, blogging to voice your political opinions, and brushing your teeth with a hammer.
[/spoiler]

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #837 on: September 24, 2011, 05:23:57 AM »
A newly founded adventuring guild. We heard you were looking for a special someone. :smirk

"WHO TOLD YOU THAT!!!"

At this point most of the bar looks towards her table.  Between the various races wearing shaded monocles of some kind and  the Beholder bartender it suddenly sinks in uncomfortably why this bar is called "The Gaze Attack"

Flay Crimsonwind

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #838 on: September 24, 2011, 06:00:30 AM »
Zach, having just followed for the hell of it, spoke up now. "Is there a place we could speak more privately? We're here to fulfill a business proposal."

bhu

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Re: Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods
« Reply #839 on: September 24, 2011, 07:03:20 PM »
She looks moderately enraged, and angrily motions you outside to an empty patio (it's kinda windy being near the docks and all).


"Who are you people and what do you want ?"

Her glasses are now off.  She doesn't appear happy.