Campaign Thread IV: Losing Your Virginity is Easier in the Woods

[Nanshork]

Kintal tries to make himself look like a harmless housecat as much as possible.  The whole time he is thinking "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit..."

[bhu]

The heads of the hookers swivel imposibly on their necks

"WE DO NOT HAVE NAMES!  WE ARE THE WIVES!  PREPARE FOR THE MASTERS ARRIVAL! HE SHALL BE THE JUDGE OF THIS...SITUATION."

THey swivel back around to look at Kintal

"GOOD KITTY! GOOOOOD KITTY! COME TO MAMA!"

There is what you believe to be a parody of a smile.

You also can't help but notice the copious amount of fluid streaming from their bodies.

Your cat instincts say no.

Then the rumbling from the cave begins, and you hear groaning.  It sounds for all the world like an old man trying to squeeze his way out of a space too small.

[Monotremeancer]

I aim the point of my spear towards the cave entrance and mumble This is without a doubt the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me.

[bhu]

the following echoes from the cave:

"WHO DARES DISTURB BENNY, GAWD OF...dammit how did this fucking cave get so small?  I SHALL EXIT DRAMATICALLY IN A MOMENT!  PLEASE WAIT WHILE I ADJUST TO ONCE AGAIN BEING MATERIAL OR I SHALL SMITE YOU!"

[Monotremeancer]

*mumble* Yep, definitely the weirdest day of my life

[RobbyPants]

Mustave whispers: "I'd prefer some popcorn, and to be watching from a safe distance in the trees, but I don't dare move right now.  I'd rather the ladies not look directly at me.

I get the feeling they're not actually pregnant, and that's just all the... stuff inside of them."

Mustave visibly shudders.

[solara]

Savorel has dropped out of her tree but is still amongst the trees. She is now trying to figure out WTF is going on, and conflicted between assuming cat form and staying as she is, disguised as a kid.

[spoiler]
Knowledge (Religion) Check 1d20+11=29
[/spoiler]

[Radmelon]

*mumble* Yep, definitely the weirdest day of my life

"Not even top three."

[VennDygrem]

Alcy simply cannot fathom what is going on. She remains guarded, knowing that things are definitely wrong, but that just about everything is wrong with this damned plane.
[spoiler]Kn: Religion: 1d20(9)+6=15[/spoiler]

[konner09]

"WELL Holy shit I am so not prepared to deal with an angry God"

Joseph begins to start to form a orange puddle and trying to think of what the hell is going on.
[spoiler]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/2980841/
1d20+9= 27[/spoiler]

[Monotremeancer]

*mumble* Yep, definitely the weirdest day of my life

"Not even top three."

Someday you're going to have to tell me your life's story

[Sir Shadow]

"There is no way I'm going to be smitten by a god named 'Benny'." Bartholomeow mutters under his breath as he prepared to unleash arcane fury upon anything that seems overly aggressive to his person.

[bhu]

Eventually what looks like a gigantic man of some sort squeezes out from the cave entrance and stands up.  He is tall, crooked, and spindly, with overly long limbs and fingers.  His skin appears to be incredibly ill fitting, and then you realize he's 'wearing' Jimmy the Wizard as some sort of nightmarish full body suit/condom/thingie.  He dusts himself off, and peers at the assembled host, looking slightly confused.  It's hard to tell cause the Jimmy skin and his real features don't match much.  You get the feeling Gawd possession is both painful and embarassing.


"What the fuck is going on here?  Who is this kid desecrating my rock?  And why am I surrounded by an army of small forest creatures?"

[bhu]

PS for those making knowledge religion rolls who have had time to study the realms religions (i.e. SSOlara, maybe one or two others)

[spoiler]Benny is the most recent incarnation of the God of Fear[/spoiler]

also for the holder of the communication ring

[spoiler]"WTF ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING DOWN THERE!  The Street of the Gods just saw ever major temple's occupants going batshit crazy!  There's war in the streets! Guys??"[/spoiler]

[jojolagger]

Ceusharath continues to try to put a safe distance between himself and the god. However, he manages a short response to the question posed via ring.
[spoiler]"Angry god, probably the one the kid ranted about."[/spoiler]

[Nanshork]

Realizing that his plan of having nobody notice him didn't work, Kintal tries something completely different.

The kitty bows to the GodWearingAManLikeACondom and says, "Oh mighty Benny, we were here to try and stop this foolish wizard from disturbing your splendiferousness but the fool though himself better than you and planned to try and overthrow your reign of glory."

[Flay Crimsonwind]

Building with Kintal's claims, Zach speaks up, in a calm and poised voice. "In more specific detail, we recognized him as an enemy of the party. Being nearby, and hearing that he was trying to harness a large power, which I believe now to be yourself, we decided to move against him. His actions made him many enemies in this realm, and thus the forest creatures allied with my party to remove the boy from power. And life, but that was a more fluid, mutable option.

"The boy is a young wizard with dreams of power. He was the one who desecrated your rock. Is there a way the boy could help to restore you and make amends for your unintentional disturbance?"

[konner09]

"Benny I have heard of you yes. Your the latest Reincarnation of Fear. Congradulations. Sorry about the little brat he has been causing problems all over and the army of woodland animals are here to kill the twerp.  May  I ask what you are doing on this plane of existence" Joseph says non cholontly

[bhu]

He fixes you with an angry stare.


"WHY I'M HERE IS NO ONE'S BUSINESS BUT MY OWN BLOB!"

Will Save from Konner plz

"BUT SINCE EVERYONE NEEDS TO POKE THEIR NOSE IN MY AFFAIRS, THE ROCK IS MINE!  IF THIS FOOL HAS BEEN TRYING TO USE IT HE'S SET EVENTS IN MOTION HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND AND WILL PAY!"

Bennies eyes grow dim and roll back into his head and he seems to be thinking, or perhaps meditating, and begins mumbling to himself.

"Ahhhh yes...a pawn...I should have known...and even the master of the pawns does not yet know what he has done..."

He then seems to shake it off. 


"It would appear you have all been used as dupes, and my lack of attention to this has led to problems for me as well.!"

He waves a hand and the hill the cave is in disintegrates into a pool of magma.

"That should be sufficient to prevent access to the stone again.  Sebastian you have been a good priest, and I will be sorry to lose you, but I have two priestesses to take your place.  You and the other Unicorns are free to choose your own destinies now.  Your curse is gone.  I cannot reverse what has been done to the women you forced yourselves on, and their children will be my Scions.  They will be difficult to deal with, but there is a price to pay for what you have done, however unwilling."

He then turns to the woodland critters

"And what can I do for you?"

The lead skwirl and badger step up "Beggin' yer pardon yer honor but we can't chew through enchanted armor like these here mercenaries were wearin', and that leaves us in a right mess when it comes to defending our homes.  Can you do something to fix that?"

The Gawd waves his hand, and the skwirls and badgers look a bit surprised.  Their smiles tell you that they like their new metal teeth however.

"I believe adamantine teeth will suffice."

He then looks at the few remaining Hobgoblins

"You faithfully tried to stop usurpers of my power, however unwittingly, and your people have allied with me in the past.  I shall grant you blessings to come in the future if you will accept me again."

At which point he looks at the assembles members of the party

"Which leaves me with you lot.  I believe you have some problems back home you would like taken care of..."

[RobbyPants]

Mustave waits quietly and looks to others to respond.

[spoiler]His biggest problem back home was being locked in a dungeon, and he's no longer there![/spoiler]