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The Thinktank => When Inspiration Strikes => Topic started by: bhu on August 16, 2008, 09:41:08 AM

Title: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 16, 2008, 09:41:08 AM
Where in I post the various critters I've worked on in revised form.

The List

Page 1: Goofy Aberrations

Awakened Spell Template
Beholder Cyclops, Carnivex
Beholder Cyclops, Magos
Carnal Mindflayer
Carnal Mindflayer Childer
The Martian Template
The Speaker
The Voyeur
Yellow Beholder

Page 2: Mo Goofy Aberrations

Carnal Mindflayer, Beholder
Carnal Mindflayer, Bimbo
Carnal Mindflayer, Blob
Carnal Mindflayer, Brain
Carnal Mindflayer, Brute
Carnal Mindflayer Childer, Mob
Carnal Mindflayer Egg Sac
Carnal Mindflayer, Hexapod
Carnal Mindflayer, Hulk
Carnal Mindflayer, Medusae
Carnal Mindflayer, Twitcher

Page 3: Jesus, how many of these Mindflayers did I make?

Armored Turtle
Bell Golem
Carnal Mindflayer, Albiniid
Carnal Mindflayer, Cuttleworm
Carnal Mindflayer, Nautiloid
Carnal Mindflayer, Selachii
Carnal Mindflayer, Slime
Electric Yak
Gunpowder Golem
Half-Illithid, Carnal
Marble Golem
Whale Golem

Page 4: Just when you thought you were safe from more Beholder Variants...

Atomic Golem
Beholder Cyclops, Hypnos
Beholder Cyclops, Phobos
Booze Golem
Poop Golem
Putty Panda

Page 5: It's Faerie Time...

Armordillo
Beholder Cyclops, Necros
Beholder Cyclops, Somnos
Beholder Cyclops, Tardos
Big Spookity Kitty
Cactus Dryad
Cash Cow
Dire Nymph
Fairy Shrimp
Good Kitty
Habanero Dryad
Lil Spookity Kitty
Lil Spookity Kitty Swarm
Orc Amazons
Pan-Da
Seaweed Dryad
Were Human Template
Were Kitten Template

Page 6: Small furry things are the worst..

Antbird
Archer Fish
Arctic Fox
Barbearian
Beer Pudding
Beholder Cyclops, Calxos
Beholder Cyclops, Eradicos
Beholder Folk
Beholder, Mutate
Bighorn Sheep
Blowfly
Bullfrog
Crab Spider
Edible Golem
Funk Ape
Sage Buzzard
Snow Golem
Stone Crab
Stoners
The Mother of All Hummingbirds



Page 7  "Abner...Abner the small furry things is gettin' smaller..

Bugbear
Carnivorous Jungle Death Penguin Swarm
Chicken Lord
Death Gerbil Swarm
Devil Mice Swarm
Figgy Pudding
Fire Beetle
Freed Outsider Template
Hulk, Aquamarine
Hulk, Cerise
Hulk, Cerulean
Hulk, Magenta
Hulk, Sienna
Hulk, Teal
Lemming Swarm
Mysterious Magical Maniacal Miniaturized Moose Swarm
Paralegal Imp
The Dire Goldfish
Vorpal Shrew Swarm

Page 8 "Abner...I don't trust your lawyer exactly...[/I]

Bubba the Headless Chicken
Devilish Attorney
Dire Monkey
Dire Thingie Template
Giant Ticks
Hulk, Chartreuse
Hulk, Fuschia
Hulk, Gray
Hulk, Lavender
Hulk, Periwinkle
Hulk, Sepia
Tick Swarm
Unfeeling Brute Template
Vampiric Vermin Template


Page 9 "HUMMINGBIRDS!!! AH'S AFEARD O' HUMMINGBIRDS!

Atomic Golem
Chiropterid
Giant Mosquito
Hulk, Green
Hulk, Orange
Hummingbird Swarm
Superhero Template
Vampire Baby Swarm

Page 10 Dire Crittas

Dire Chameleon
Dire Groundhog
Dire Naked Mole Rats
Dire Poison Arrow Frog
Dire Porcupine
Dire Spitting Cobra
Dire Tamandua
Dire Tree Kangaroo
Dragon Millipede

Page 11

Dire Giraffe
Dire Guinea Pig
Dire Hamster
Dire Hare

Page 12

Dire Duck
Dire Electric Eel
Dire Pocket Gopher Swarm
Dire Vampire Squid

Page 13

Dire Gulper Eel
Dire Kitty
Dire Vole
Giant Sea Urchin

Page 14

Dire Ibis
Dire Komodo Dragon
Dire Muntjac Deer
Dire Okapi/Okapi
Dire Ostrich
Dire Pelican
Dire Rhea
Dire Swan
Dire Whitetail Deer
Giant Banana Slug
Hairbeasts
Kirby

Page 15

Dire Ankylosaur
Dire Kangaroo
Dire Lemur
Dire Penguin
Dire Pigeon
Dire Rock Wallaby
Kaiju Template
King Template
Were Otter

Page 16

Banana Tree Dryad
Dire Chicken
Dire Elephant
Dire Keets
Dire Parrot
Dire Pika
Dire Squirrel
Dire Turkey
Main Lobster
Moss Dryad
Mushroom Dryad

Page 17

Dire Flamingo
Dire Moose
Goomba
Lesser Kaiju
Nilbog
Titan Budgie
Veo

Page 18

Abeil Queen, Debarta
Abeil Queen, Gaborah
Abeil Soldier, Debarta
Abeil Soldier, Gaborah
Abeil Vassal, Debarta
Abeil Vassal, Gaborah
Rosebush Dryad
Wolpertinger

Page 19

Ahool
Bigfoot (Star People)
Bigfoot, Wise Ones (Star People)
BIG Sasquatch
Catfish Gawd
Dire Pirhana
Emela-ntouka
Generic Lake Monster
Guariba-boia
Jersey Devil
Lukwata
Mokele-Mbembe
Nessie (Giant Eel, Giant Long Necked Seal, Super Worm)
Tzuchinoko

Page 20

Batsquatch
Capsichums
Dire Arapaima
Dire Candiru
El Cuero
Howler Monkey Snake
Kaiju
Larval Otyugh
Leechmen
The Hide

Page 21

Agogwe
Beer Lurker
Blunderbore
Combustible Chicken
Dire Toucan
Greater Kaiju

Page 22

Bore
Dire Platypus
Ghost Frog
Ram
Troll Boar

Page 23

Bafoon
Cameleon
Fungal Golem
Giant Tarantula
Hive Golem
Manakin Golem
Smiley Faced Spider


Page 24

Darwin Monkey
Dire Cows
Drekavac



Page 25
Emperor Ralph
Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp
Owlman of Mawnan
Rhinoctopus



Page 26

Ant Gawd
Ant Swarm
Dire Rust Monster
Faux Beholder
Faux Spider
Landsquid
Man-Snail
Omnicidal Furry
Squid Bee
Squig
The Basset Folk
The Hodag
The Noble Platypi
The Perfect


Page 27

Atlas Hamster
Pack Mouse

Page 28

Apes of Wrath
Bee-Holder
Bee Swarm
Big Bee
Big Bee Swarm
Shark Bird
Shark Bird Swarm
Swarm Fish


Page 29

Banana Muffin Swarm
Idiot Box
Mimic Sheep
Pirhanakeet Swarm
Rainbow Butt Monkey
Voracious Lemming
Zamba Zaraa



Page 30

The Milton Lizard



Page 31

Biggie Sized Leech
Earth Mole
Epic Zombie
Giant Pistol Shrimp
Headless Mule
Muck Whale



Page 32
Chickcharney
Crocrerocerous
Deadly Nadder
Epic Skeleton
Goby Minion
Hummingator
Hummingator Swarm
Llamabird
One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater
Terrible Terror
Zebrocerous


Page 33
Acrosapien
Gronckle
Hideous Zippleback
Monstrous Nightmare
Night Fury


Page 34
Little Veekie's Big Beehouse of Horror, Part 1
Neo Animal Template
Sea Dragon

Page 35
Dire Dog (Toy Breed)
Fish Bastards
Ramming Roller

Page 37

Bearmaid
Crowwolf
Dire Crowwolf
Dire Owlbear
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 16, 2008, 09:41:24 AM
The Voyeur
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 4d8 +8 ( 26 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), fly 30 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 16 ( +1 Dex, +5 Natural) touch 11, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+3
Attack: Bite +3 melee ( 1d6) or Eye Rays +4 ranged touch attack
Full Attack: Bite +3 melee ( 1d6) or Eye Rays +4 ranged touch attack
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye Rays
Special Qualities: All-Around Vision, flight, Dark Vision 60 ft., Revealing
Gaze, Retractable Eyes
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +2, Will +6
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 13, Con 14, Int 12, Wis 14, Cha 12
Skills: Bluff +4, Hide +11, Knowledge (Local)+5,
Knowledge (any 2 other) +5,
Listen +7, Move Silently +6, Search +9, Spot +11
Feats: Alertness, Improved Initiative
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Pair
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Neutral
Advancement: 5-8 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ----


"Before you floats a sphere so black it almost fades into the shadows behind it. You barely make out a mouth with needle like fangs, and a great staring eye before it flees into the distance.  The fact that it's a horrifying monster that could have attacked isn't as disturbing to you as the realization that it's spent the last several moments watching you poop."

The Voyeur is a mutated Beholder-kin raised in the city of Koziol by the Eye Tyrants as personal spies. The Beholders find them to be something of a double edged sword as they seem to get into everyones business, set up shop as independent information brokers, let slip embarrassing personal information at the worst times, etc. Some even become bartenders. If their abilities didn't make them so useful the Eye Tyrants would probably squash them all like bugs. Plus their alignment makes them an embarrassment to the Beholder race in general. Voyeurs are about 4' in diameter, and weigh about 185 pounds. They speak Beholder and Common.

Eye Rays (Su): The Voyeur has 3 eyes on retractable stalks that it can use to fire rays up to 100'. The rays resemble spells cast by an 6th level caster and have a Save DC of 13 (Save DC is Charisma Based). The rays follow the rules for spell rays (see Aiming A Spell, page 175 of PHB). The 3 rays include:

Paralysis: The target must succeed on a Fortitude Save or be paralyzed for 2d10 minutes.

Charm Person : The target must succeed on a Will saving throw or be affected as though by the spell of the same name.

Telekinesis: The target may be moved about as per the spell of the same name if it is no more than 200 pounds.

All-Around Vision (Ex): The Voyeurs eyes give it a +4 racial bonus on Spot and Search checks, and they cannot be flanked.

Flight (Ex): A Voyeurs body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Revealing Gaze (Su): The Voyeurs central eye casts a beam in a 60' cone. The Voyeur is considered to have True Seeing (caster level 9th) permanently in effect in this cone as per the spell. Also, it may render any non-living matter in the cones area of effect invisible to itself, effectively allowing the voyeur to peer through walls. Other beings do not get the benefit of this effect, only the voyeur.

Retractable Eyes (Ex): All of the Voyeur's eyes, other than the central eye, are on retractable 5 foot stalks. This means the Voyeur can angle the eye rays to fire in any direction it wants, and can even hide in complete concealment and snipe at opponents in range. It may fire all 3 rays at one opponent if it wishes.

Skills: Voyeurs have a +8 Racial bonus on Hide checks as they can manipulate the color of their skin to some small effect.

Combat: For the most part Voyeurs are utter cowards. Most will take a shot or two with their Paralysis eye from behind cover, and flee if the opponent resists its effects. Beholders often use them as guards, putting a pair behind a door or wall that guards something important. If something approaches on the other side they'll see it due to their Revealing Gaze, and alert their masters. Sometimes a Beholder guards with them, and the Voyeurs use their advance info to coordinate an ambush for whatever is coming through the door. In effect, since the Voyeurs will know what’s going on, and the invaders behind the door don’t, the Voyeur and its other Beholder companions get one surprise round to attack with their eyes as the party (or whatever) bursts in blindly. If they have a Beholder with them they will try to hide and snipe with their Slow or Paralysis eye rays to help set up opponents for their master. The Charm eye is usually to charm guards into letting them pass, or similar functions.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 17, 2008, 10:57:45 AM
The Speaker
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 13d8+65 (123 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 26 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +15 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
24
Base Attack/Grapple: +9/+13
Attack: 12 Eye Rays +10 Ranged Touch and Bite +4 melee (2d4)
Full Attack: 12 Eye Rays +10 Ranged Touch and Bite +4 melee (2d4)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye Rays, Fascination
Special Qualities: All-Around Vision, Dark Vision 60', Flight
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +6, Will +10
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 14, Con 20, Int 14, Wis 15, Cha 18
Skills: Bluff +14, Diplomacy +12, Intimidate +14, Knowledge
(Religion) +13, Listen +7, Search +11, Sense Motive +10,
Spot +11, Survival +4 (+6 when following tracks)
Feats: Ability Focus (Fascinate), Flyby Attack, Improved Initiative,
Iron Will, Persuasive
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, pair, or coven (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 13
Treasure: Double Standard
Alignment: Any (see text)
Advancement: 14-16 (Large), 17-35 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Floating before you in the road is the strangest Beholder you have ever seen. Dozens of eyestalks droop from its head wreathed with flowers looking like some obscene parody of a head full of hair. Instead of a fanged maw is a more human like mouth with full plump lips, and a vacant smile. It appears to be selling flowers and trinkets.  The Hare Krishnas have adopted the Beholders now apparently."

Speakers are brought to you by the same foolish Beholders who created the Voyeurs. They were originally created to serve as spokesmen for the Beholder Cults. The idea was that their Fascination abilities would be put to the use of converting new people into the cults, and acting as ambassadors to the humanoid countries. Unfortunately there was a problem. Born absolute Neutral, the Speakers stayed Neutral until exposed to a Deity or idea that sparked their imagination. At which point their Alignment becomes that of the Deity whose cause they convert too, and they campaign in his name. Being Beholders however, they tend to be somewhat...pushy in their campaigning.  An example:

"Would you like to donate money to the Church of Pelor?  It will go to help needy orphans?"

"I..uh...donated yesterday...."

"Would you like to bribe the Church of Pelor to not light you up with Eye Rays?  It'll go to help needy orphans?"

"Uh....well when you put it that way..."


 Speakers are about 9 or 10 feet wide and have many more eyestalks than the average Beholder. They speak Beholder and Common.

Eye Rays (Su): Each of a Speakers Eye Rays resembles a spell cast by a 15th level Caster. Each Eye Ray has a Range of 150 feet, and a Save DC of 20. Save is Charisma Based. The rays follow the rules for spell rays (see Aiming A Spell, page 175 of PHB). The Rays include:

Charm Monster: The target must make a Will Save or be affected as though by the spell.

Inflict Moderate Wounds: This works like the spell causing 2d8+15 points of damage (Will Save for half damage).

While the Speaker has dozens of eyestalks it can effectively only manage to coordinate well enough to use 4 eye rays in each 90 degree arc (up, forward, backward, left, right, or down). It may use one type of eye ray for all 4 attacks or divide attacks between Charm and Inflict as it sees fit in each arc.

Fascination (Su): The Speakers Central Eye continually produces a 150 foot cone that may fascinate anyone in its area. This effect is identical to to the spell Hypnotism, except the area of effect is the cone, and there is no Hit Die limit. Save to avoid this effect is Willpower DC 22 (Save is Charisma Based).

All-Around Vision (Ex): The Speakers eyes give it a +4 racial bonus on Spot and Search checks, and they cannot be flanked.

Flight (Ex): A Speakers body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: Speakers generally try to use their Fascination ability first to its maximum advantage, usually to convince people to donate money to the cause or convert weak willed passers by. If angered or attacked it relies on its Charm Monster ability to get out of trouble, and the Inflict Wounds eyes if that fails. Most will flee if combat turns against them.  However most will belong to a religion or cult of some kind, and will likely have plenty of backup nearby.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 18, 2008, 08:19:09 AM
Yellow Beholder
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 10d8+40 (85 hp, 105 while raging)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), fly 20 ft. (4 squares, good)
Armor Class: 26 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +15 Deflection), touch 26, flat-footed 24
While raging 24 (-1 Size, -2 Rage, +2 Dex, +15 Deflection), touch 24,
flat-footed 22
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+13
Attack: Bite +8 melee (2d6+3), during rage Bite +10 melee (2d6+6)
Full Attack: Bite +8 melee (2d6+3), during rage Bite +10 melee (2d6+6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Ghost Touch, Fruit Rage
Special Qualities: Flight, Dark Vision 60 ft.
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +5, Will +9 (+11 during Fruit Rage)
Abilities: Str 14 (18), Dex 14, Con 18 (22), Int 8, Wis 15, Cha 10
Skills: Hide +5, Intimidate +3, Listen +4, Move Silently +5, Spot +4
Feats: Improved Initiative, Improved Natural Attack, Dodge.
Mobility
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 11-15 HD (Large), 16-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Floating in front of you is a large yellow sphere with black pupil less eyes and a huge mouth. It seems to be eating a ghost if thats possible.....Man, you've really gotta stop sampling the local mushrooms..."

Yellow Beholders were created from lesser Beholderkin to exterminate the nasty problem of Beholder Ghosts. Since Beholders tend to assassinate one another with some frequency, they tend to have a high portion of their race returning from the dead with unfinished business. Unfortunately the Yellow Beholder isn't very bright. It tends to attack anything incorporeal and it also devastates fruit crops sometimes used to feed slave races. Most Beholders kill them on sight. Farmers and Undead aren't very fond of them either. Yellow Beholders speak Beholder.  They are roughly 10' in diameter and usually weigh as much as a large buffalo.

Ghost Touch (Ex): Yellow Beholders can touch (and be touched by) Incorporeal creatures. Each still uses its deflection AC bonus against the other, but they are both solid for purposes of fighting each other. Incorporeal creatures are the Yellow Beholders main food source. It also likes fruit which causes some problems....

Fruit Rage (Ex): Most forms of fruit are highy toxic to Yellow Beholders, as well as incredibly addictive.  If a Yellow Beholder eats fruit it must make a Fortitude Save (DC 20) or fly into a destructive Rage. This Rage is identical to the Barbarian Rage ability (including duration), and also increases the Yellow Beholders Flight Speed to 30. Stats in parentheses are for while raging.  While raging, Yellow Beholders will attack about anything. (Fruit is effectively a poison, Ingested, Fort Save DC 20, Initial and Secondary damage Rage).

Flight (Ex): A Beholders body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: Yellow Beholders tend to ignore anything that doesn't attack them first except fruit trees and incorporeal beings which it immediately attacks and begins biting until one of them is eaten or dead.  Usually the fruit trees don't fight back but there have been exceptions.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: AstralFire on August 18, 2008, 05:52:29 PM
Why a Fortitude save to resist raging?

I don't have much else to offer, never been a monster fan. Clear you like Beholders, though.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 19, 2008, 11:29:35 AM
Why a Fortitude save to resist raging?

I don't have much else to offer, never been a monster fan. Clear you like Beholders, though.


Actually I just get a buttload of requests for Aberrations so I have lots of them laying around.  Added the reason for the Fort Save.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 24, 2008, 01:51:09 PM
Beholder Cyclops, Magos
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 16d8+64 (136 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 26 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +15 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
24
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+16
Attack: Bite +12 melee (2d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +12 melee (2d6+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Antimagic Beam
Special Qualities: Antimagic Field, Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +7, Will +14
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 18, Int 3, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Listen +10, Search +6, Spot +11
Feats: Ability Focus (Antimagic Beam), Alertness, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Iron Will
Environment: Underdark
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 12
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 17-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---


"Before you floats what could be a Beholder, glowing with power in the darkness. But it has only the one eye, and it seems alive with energy. You can feel it in the air around it, like an itch in your bones. Its one great eye seems devoid of life or intelligence."

10 minutes later:

"YOU ATE MY VORPAL SWORD!!!!! AAAARGH!!!! YOU BASTARD!!!! Do you know how many innocent goblins, hobgoblins, kobolds, et al I had to kill to make the money to acquire one of those?"

"Thog just poor uneducated Beholderkin, but somehow Thog think it unfair he is one being called bastard here..."

"Wait..doesn't the text below say you can no longer speak or understand languages?"

The Magos are the first of the Beholder Cyclops, and the worst of the bunch. Originally the Magos was an experiment by the Beholder community to increase the antimagic power of their central eye. It worked too well. The result was insane. An eating machine incapable of reason and little more than an animal. Worse it preyed upon other Beholders whose eye rays were useless against it, or spawned its own kind from them. The attempts to exterminate them drove them underground. Magos no longer speak or understand languages, and are slightly larger than the average Beholder.


Antimagic Field (Ex): The Magos' central eye radiates an Antimagic Field identical to the spell of the same name. The effect permanently surrounds it out to 10'.

Antimagic Beam (Su): Once every 1d4 rounds the Magos may reduce its Antimagic Field into a tight beam that it fires from its Central Eye. This is a Ranged Touch attack with a range increment of 120 feet and +14 to hit. If it strikes an opponent he is affected as if he had had the spell Mordenkainen's Disjunction cast upon him. Caster level is 18, Will power Save DC is 22 (Save is Charisma based). The round this ray is fired the Magos' Antimagic Field is down, so it only uses it at a distance.

Flight (Ex): A Magos' body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: A Magos will open up with it's Antimagic Beam (if it's at range), and then charge.  They're too feral to think of tactics much beyond this.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 28, 2008, 12:24:04 PM
Beholder Cyclops, Carnivex
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 16d8+64 (136 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 26 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +15 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
24
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+16
Attack: Bite +12 melee (2d4+1)
Full Attack: Bite +12 melee (2d4+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Flesh Whacking Gaze
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +7, Will +14
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 18, Int 3, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Listen +10, Search +6, Spot +11
Feats: Ability Focus (Flesh-Whacking Gaze), Alertness, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Iron Will, Improved Initiative
Environment: Underdark
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 12
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 17-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Before you is what seems to be a beholder missing all but its great central eye. The beam from that eye seems to flense the flesh from the bones of your fellow soldiers. It's not quite as disturbing as the hysterical high-pitched giggling it constantly seems to emit, but it'll do."

The Carnivex is the second attempt at creating a cyclops with a more powerful eye beam. This time the central eye has assumed and greatly amplified the power of the eye that formerly cast Inflict Moderate Wounds. Unfortunately this meant that the new beholders gaze ripped the flesh off anything it could see. It made it difficult to keep them about, and once again the attempt was made to scrap the project and kill off the results. The Carnivex understands Beholder and Common, but most are incapable of speech or really complex thought processes. 

Flight (Ex): A Carnivexes body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Flesh Whacking Gaze (Su): The Carnivexes central eye constantly generates a beam of negative energy in a 150' cone. Anything caught in the cone is subject to the effects of a Harm spell as cast by a 18th level caster. Willpower Save DC is 20 and is Charisma based.

Combat:  The processes that have created the Carnivex has left it in constant pain.  It rarely thinks, it simply charges and bites, assuming there's anything there to bite when it arrives.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: AstralFire on August 28, 2008, 06:51:15 PM
You sure you're not just a humongous fan of beholders? >.>
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 28, 2008, 10:26:40 PM
hehehehehehhe

Don't worry the first non-Beholder critter is up next.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 31, 2008, 11:59:55 AM
This one still needs some work...

Awakened Spells

Awakened Spells are an odd occurrence that happen in areas of Wild Magic at very rare moments. Sometimes in particularly volatile regions when a mage casts a spell it gains a life of its own. This usually takes 1d6 weeks after the spell is cast so the mage is unaware it has happened. An Awakened spell looks like its 'creator' but for its size (which is dependent on it's spell level) and minor changes in appearance depending on what the spell was (A Fireball might have flaming pupils for instance, or orange skin). To make an Awakened Spell you must choose a Base Creature, and a Base Spell. The Base Creature is the caster who cast the soon to be living spell, and the Base Spell is the spell that has come to life. When text refers to the level of the Base spell it is the spells level plus any increases due to Metamagic Feats.  For example a Maximized Fireball is a 6th level spell.

Awakened Spell is an Inherited template that can be given to any creature that can cast spells as a result of it's Class. It is considered Inherited since the template is being applied to the newly created spell as opposed to the caster.

Size and Type: Type becomes Aberration. Size depends on Spell Level of the Base Spell (0:Tiny, 1-3: Small, 4-6: Medium, 7-9: Large, Epic: Huge).

Hit Dice: Hit Dice change to d8's and must be recalculated. Hit Dice total becomes 1 plus Base Spell Level (Epic Spells have 11 Hit Dice).

Speed: Unchanged.

Armor Class: The base creature loses any Natural Armor bonus, but gains a Deflection bonus to Armor Class equal to 1 plus the Base Spells level (Epic Spells get a +11 Bonus).

Base Attack/Grapple: Recalculate based on new Hit Dice total and size.

Attacks: Unchanged

Special Attacks: The Awakened Spell keeps none of the Special Attacks of the Base Creature. Instead it gains the following:

Johnny One Spell (Sp): The Awakened Spell may cast the spell it used to be as a Spell Like Ability. In other words an Awakened Magic Missile may cast Magic Missile. If any Metamagic Feats were used while the spell that would eventually come to life was being cast their effects are included. In other words if our Awakened Spell were a Heightened Magic Missile, it would cast Heightened Magic Missiles. The Living Spell may cast this spell a certain number of times per day depending on the original spells level (0: At will, 1-3: 5 times per day, 4-6: 3 times per day, 7-9: Once per day, Epic: Once per week. If the original spell was cast with Metamagic Feats and used a higher level spell slot because of this, the spell is considered to be that spell.  In other words if the spell was a 3rd level spell like Fireball and it was maximized with the Maximize Spell Feat, it is considered a 6th level spell.). Caster level is the Awakened Spells Effective Character Level.

Powerful Caster (Su):The Awakened Spells effective caster level for all Spells it can cast is equal to its Effective Character Level (i.e. Racial Hit Dice + Character Levels + Level Adjustment).

Special Qualities: The Awakened Spell keeps none of the Special Qualities of the Base Creature and instead gains the following:

Magic Resistance: The Awakened Spell has a Racial bonus to all Saving Throws equal to the Base Spell Level (0 level Spells receive no Bonus, Epic Spells get a +10).

Spell Resistance: The Awakened Spell has Spell Resistance equal to 15 plus its Base Spell Level (+10 for Epic Spells) plus its Charisma modifier.

Immunities (Ex): The Awakened Spell is Immune to poison, paralysis, disease, age/sleep/death effects, stunning, polymorph, fatigue, or exhaustion. Awakened Spells do not eat, sleep. or age.

Dark Vision: Range is 60'

Arcane Body (Su): The Awakened Spell retains any Subtypes the Base spell had. For example Awakened spells with the Fire and Evil Descriptors gain the Fire and Evil Subtypes. Certain effects such as Dispel Magic or Antimagic Fields cause Awakened Spells problems. Dispel Magic effects the Awakened Spell in a manner similar to the Clerics Turn Undead ability. The Arcane Caster must do a Targeted Dispel Magic, and then rolls 1d20 plus his Charisma modifier to see how powerful an Awakened spell he can effect (use the Turning Undead table on page 159 of the Players Handbook). If the Awakened Spell is within the range of effect the caster then rolls 2d6 + caster level + Charisma modifier. If this equals or exceeds the Awakened Spells Hit Dice, it is affected in the exact same manner as Turn Undead effects the Undead. If the opponent casting Dispel Magic was the caster who originally cast the Base Spell that has become an Awakened Spell he/she gets a +4 Circumstance Bonus on both rolls. If an Awakened Spell enters an Antimagic Field it must make a Fortitude Save each round it is in it (DC:10 + 1/2 opponent casters level + opponent casters Charisma bonus) or take 1 point of Constitution damage each round it is in the Field. The Awakened Spell may also be modified depending on whether Metamagic feats were used when casting the Base spell (see Notes below). If Detect Magic is used on an Awakened Spell it radiates an aura like any normal spell of its type.

Sense Creator (Su): An Awakened Spell always knows exactly where the caster who created it is as long as they are both on the same Plane of existence. It also knows whether the caster is alive, dead, or undead.

Limited Repertoire: The Awakened Spells may only take class levels in the same spellcasting class as their creator and any Prestige Classes it allows them to qualify for (i.e. a spell that was cast by a Wizard becomes a Wizard).

Abilities: The Awakened Spells Int, Wis, and Cha are 10 + Base Spells Level. The Physical attributes are the same as the base Creature, modified for its possible new Size Class (see page 291 of the Monster Manual). The Awakened Spells primary casting stat gets another +2.

Skills: The Awakened Spell gets (2+Int modifer) skill points per level with 4 times that for the first level. Class skills are Concentration, Hide, Move Silently, Spellcraft, and Use Magic Device.

Feats: In addition to the Feats it would normally receive (i.e. one every 3 hit dice plus one at first level), the Living Spell receives any metamagic Feats used in the casting that created it.

Environment: Any

Organization: Solitary

Challenge Rating: CR now depends on the level of the Base Spell: 0-3: +2, 4-9: +3, Epic: +4, and add +1 for every 4 Hit Dice

Alignment: Unchanged.

Level Adjustment: Level Adjustment depends on the level of the Base Spell: 0-1: +3, 2-3: +4, 4: +5, 5: +6, 7-9: +7, Epic: +8

Notes: Some Awakened spells can take certain racial Feats depending on what Metamagic Feat was used in their creation.


Empowered Smite
Take that hooligans!!
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Empowered Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at 1st level
 Benefits: 3 times per day when casting a spell your Caster Level is considered 4 levels higher for purposes of Caster level checks to overcome Spell Resistance.  This stacks with Feats like Spell Penetration.
will return to

Hulking Spell
Greetings puny mortal :D
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Enlarge Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at 1st level
 Benefits 3 times per day the Awakened spell can become 1 Size class bigger for 3 rounds plus 1 round per point of Charisma Modifier.

Personal Spell
How do you like my Mage Armor?
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Extend Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at 1st level
 Benefits Once per day you may cast any 1 spell with a Range of Personal, and it lasts for 24 hours.

Wide Load
I'm not fat, I'm big boned.
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Widen Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at 1st level
 Benefits The Awakened Spell has the Powerful Build ability, and it's weight is one and a half times greater.

Fast Spell
Take the spell component from my hand grasshopper.
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Quicken Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at 1st level
 Benefits The Awakened Spell gains a +4 Bonus to Initiative checks.  This stacks with Improved Initiative and similar Feats.

Quiet Spell
Sneaky Sneakies...
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Silent Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at 1st level
 Benefits 3 times per day the Awakened Spell can take 10 on a Move Silently skill check.


Example Living Spell
Base Creature: Dwarf Sorcerer
Base Spell: Leomunds Tiny Hut
Note: Physical stats were all 10 plus racial bonuses

Jabberer the Hut
Small Aberration
Hit Dice: 4d8+4 (22 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 14 (+4 Deflection), touch 14, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/-2
Attack: By Weapon +2
Full Attack: By Weapon +2
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Johnny One Spell (Leomund's Tiny Hut 5/day), Powerful Natural Caster
Special Qualities: Spell Resistance 14, Immunities, Dark Vision 60', Arcane Body, Sense Creator
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +7
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 10, Con 12, Int 15, Wis 13, Cha 13
Skills: Concentration +8, Hide +7, Listen +3, Move Silently +4, Spellcraft +9, Spot +3, Use Magic Device +8
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Any
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None currently
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Advancement: Wizard Levels only
Level Adjustment: +4
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: AstralFire on September 01, 2008, 06:01:48 AM
Before I plunge into it, may I ask why you made this with the living spell template around? I presume there was something the living spell template failed to do well for you, but not being familiar with monsters I couldn't guess what it is without actually popping open the book.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 01, 2008, 10:58:33 AM
Before I plunge into it, may I ask why you made this with the living spell template around? I presume there was something the living spell template failed to do well for you, but not being familiar with monsters I couldn't guess what it is without actually popping open the book.

The living spell template makes unintelligent oozes.  This template is for sentient spells :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 03, 2008, 12:22:42 PM
Martian Template

Martian is an inherited template that can be applied to any Aberration, Animal, Dragon, Fey, Giant, Humanoid, Magical Beast, Monstrous Humanoid, or Vermin.

Size and Type: All subtypes are kept, type changes to Aberration if it isn't already. Size remains the same if the base creature is an aberration. It goes down 1 Size Class if it's a Fey or Humanoid. It goes up 1 Size Class if it's anything else.

Hit Dice: Hit Dice change to d8's if they aren't already. If it goes down a Size class it loses 1 racial hit die. If it goes up a size class it gains 2 hit dice.

Speed: Unchanged unless size class changes. If size class goes down base speed is -10 feet. If it goes up base speed is +10 feet.

Armor Class: Unchanged unless size class changes (see page 291 of the Monster Manual).

Attacks: Unchanged. If size class changes don't forget the new size modifier.

Damage: Unchanged unless size class changes (see page 291 of the Monster Manual).

Special Attacks: The Martian keeps all Special Attacks of the base creature except the following: If the base creatures entry says it can cast spells as an x level caster, replace that with "it can manifest psionic powers as an x level manifester". Primary manifesting stat is Intelligence if the base creature was a Aberration, Dragon, Fey, Humanoid, Giant, or Monstrous Humanoid. Otherwise it's Wisdom. If the base creature has spell like abilities replace them with similar Psi-Like abilities. If there are no similar Psionic Powers, replace it with Powers of the same level. Power Points are same as a Psion of the same level. Martians have a minimum of 1 Power Point per hit die even if they do not have Psionics or Psi-Like abilities.

Special Qualities: The Martian retains all Special Qualities of the base creature except the following: Spell Resistance is replaced with Power Resistance. If the base creature was Mindless (i.e. Vermin) it loses that and now gains skills and Feats according to it's Hit Dice. The Martian is also well equipped to survive in the desert requiring only one quarter as much water as the base creature. It also has a +4 Racial bonus on Fortitude Saves against Dehydration. If the creature is Aquatic it becomes Amphibious gaining a land speed equal to half its Swim speed.

Saves: Saves must be recalculated, Willpower is now the only Good Save.

Abilities: If size class changes add those modifiers (see page 291 of the Monster Manual). The Base creature also gets +2 Intelligence and Wisdom. If the base creatures Intelligence is less than 8, it raises to a 10.

Skills: Skills must be recalculated for racial levels. The Martian gets (2 + Intelligence modifier) skill points per Hit Die, with X4 points for the first Hit Die. Class skills are the same as the base creature plus Autohypnosis and Concentration.

Feats: Gains Heat Endurance, Improved Heat Endurance, and 1 Psionic Feat as Bonus Feats. If the base creature no longer qualifies for 1 of it's feats (for example Weapon Finesse because it lost it's dex to to Size Increase) the Psionic Feat replaces that instead. Metamagic Feats (or Feats modifying Spell Like Abilities) are converted to similar Metapsionic Feats instead.

Environment: Warm Desert (or Warm Aquatic if Aquatic)

Alignment: Usually unchanged, but sometimes leans towards Chaotic Neutral.

Organization: Unchanged

Treasure: Unchanged

Challenge Rating: +1

Advancement: Unchanged

Level Adjustment: +1

Martians are native to a dry red desert country called Mars (it's part of my silly campaign). They are like the native species of other places except that they are all uniformly bright green, hairless, with antennae and large red eyes. They also usually have no nose, pointy ears, and a bulbous head (mostly because hey all have some minor psionic ability). All believe of themselves that they are the only true Martians, and all the other species are poor copies, only to be associated with to conquer non-natives. Oh yes and they all have a psychotic desire to rule the rest of the world.  it makes their politics quite interesting.


Example: Martian Aranea

Empress Moonpie
Large Aberration (Shapechanger)
Hit Dice: 5d8+20 (43 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 60 ft. (12 squares), 35 ft. climb
Armor Class: 13 (-1 Size,+1 Dex, +3 Natural ), touch 10, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+11
Attack: Bite +6 melee (1d8+4 plus poison) or web +4 ranged
Full Attack: Bite +6 melee (1d8+4 plus poison) or web +4 ranged
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Poison, Psionics, Web
Special Qualities: Change Shape, Dark Vision 60', Low Light Vision
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +5, Will +3
Abilities: Str 19, Dex 13, Con 18, Int 16, Wis 15, Cha 14
Skills: Autohypnosis +10, Climb +18, Concentration +10, Escape Artist +6, Jump +17, Listen +7, Spot +7
Feats: Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Heat Endurance (B), Improved Heat Endurance (B)
Environment: Warm Desert
Organization: Solitary or Colony (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: Standard Coins, double goods, standard items
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: +5

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude DC 16, initial damage 1d6 Str, secondary damage 2d6 Str. Save is Constitution based.

Web (Ex): Unchanged from regular Aranea stat block.

Psionics: Empress Moonpie manifests psionic powers as a 3rd level manifester, primary manifesting stat is Wisdom.

Change Shape (Su): Unchanged from regular Aranea Stat block, except the humanoid form is a Martian humanoid.

Skills: Aranea's have a +2 racial bonus on Jump, Listen, and Spot checks. They have a +8 Racial bonus on Climb checks, and may always take 10 on a Climb check (even if threatened or endangered).


Empress Moonpie is your average Martian spider woman, newly hatched and ready to vie for her throne.  Technically she's currently only one of dozens of princesses, but once she ascends by murdering all her sisters, (and of course, Mom) she can begin her dreams of world conquest. 

Unfortunately all her sisters have the same dream.

And her guards.

And her maids.

Even her pet bug-thing wants to rule the world.  It makes life tedious...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: AstralFire on September 03, 2008, 04:55:12 PM
Okay, I like that one. That's pretty awesome.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 05, 2008, 01:02:24 PM
Okay, I like that one. That's pretty awesome.

Thanks much!

Got a big bunch of mutant mindflayers coming up next.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 07, 2008, 02:17:37 PM
Mindflayer, Carnal (not what you're thinking sicko monkeys)
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 10d8+30 (75 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+16
Attack: Tentacle +11 melee (1d6+5)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +11 melee (1d6+5)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Mind Blast, Psionic Powers, Improved Grab, Extract
Special Qualities: Power Resistance 25, Telepathy 100 ft.
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +5, Will +9
Abilities: Str 20, Dex 15, Con 16, Int 17, Wis 15, Cha 19
Skills: Bluff +9, Concentration +9, Diplomacy +9, Intimidate +0, Knowledge (Psionics) +9, Listen +9, Move Silently +8, Psicraft +8, Sense Motive +9, Spot +9, Use Psionic Device +9
Feats:  Alertness, Combat Manifestation, Improved Initiative, Overchannel (Combat manifestation and Overchannel are found i nthe Expanded Psionics Handbook)
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary, Pair, Cult (3-6 plus 5-10 servants), or City (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: Double Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: +8


"Something about the Mindflayer in front of you seems a little off somehow.    Maybe it's the nipple rings, or the leather dog collar, or the way it keeps staring at you, but something is waaaaay off..."

When first kidnapped and brought to the Jester's Realm the Mindflayer's were in a bit of a pickle.  They were cut off from their God, the Elder Brains, and their entire society.  They also seemed to be stricken by some sort of disease, and their tadpoles were failing.  It was becoming obvious that they would no longer be able to reproduce by ceremorphosis.  Something needed to be done.  So the experimentation began, and eventually success was achieved at a horrible price.  They now reproduced by the traditional method: having children.  The accompanying changes also partially broke their minds driving them into mild lunacy.  The resulting Mindflayers are much bigger than usual, and bulkier.  They don't require eating brains to live, but are still addicted to them.  While their society still (vaguely) resembles that of their ancestors, their newly Chaotic nature makes predicting what they will do or dealing with them an exercise in extreme patience.  One might believe he is lord of the world (despite all evidence to the contrary).  One might be obsessed with convincing pert young drow boys that joining her harem is a normal rite of passage for all drow men (really she swears).  One might think that fire is the solution to all of life's problems (many of which are also coincidentally cause by his constantly setting fires).  All of them are obsessed with slavery.  Mostly to have minions to babysit their slavering carnivorous offspring (The Mindflayers haven't taken to parenting well). Carnal Mindflayers are usually at least 8' tall, and at least 500 lbs. They still speak Undercommon.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer manifests psionic powers as an 10th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone.  Anything in it must make a DC 19 Willpower Save or be Confused for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based.  This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Improved Grab (Ex):  If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, Large, or Huge creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check.  The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly.  This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Combat: Carnal Mindflayers are an unpredictable bunch.  Each one is an individual and has their own fighting style they prefer.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: AstralFire on September 07, 2008, 06:56:47 PM
Mindflayer, Carnal (not what you're thinking sicko monkeys)

Maybe it's the nipple rings, or the leather dog collar, or the way it keeps staring at you
One might be obsessed with convincing pert young drow boys that joining her harem is a normal rite of passage for all drow men (really she swears).

Uh-huh.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 07, 2008, 08:48:53 PM
Mindflayer, Carnal (not what you're thinking sicko monkeys)

Maybe it's the nipple rings, or the leather dog collar, or the way it keeps staring at you
One might be obsessed with convincing pert young drow boys that joining her harem is a normal rite of passage for all drow men (really she swears).

Uh-huh.

 :lol
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 08, 2008, 12:43:04 PM
Mindflayer Childer, Carnal
Small Aberration
Hit Dice: 2d8 (9 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-4
Attack: Tentacle +4 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +4 melee (1d3-1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Mind Blast, Psionic Powers, Improved Grab, Extract
Special Qualities: Power Resistance 10, Telepathy 30 ft.
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +1
Abilities: Str 8, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 10, Wis 13, Cha 13
Skills: Hide +7, Listen +5, Move Silently +4, Spot +5
Feats: Alertness, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Horde (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 2??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: ---

"You hear kind of a gurgling sound followed by crying up ahead around the corner as well as some unidentified tearing sound.  You round the bend just in time to see dozens of what look like baby Mindflayers ripping their way out of large, leathery eggs.  They look at you in stunned surprise before charging, and falling down because their legs aren't quite steady yet.  You flee after pooping yourself."

Carnal Mind Flayer children are surprisingly intelligent for their age, but mostly feral. While they can understand Undercommon they can't quite speak it yet, nor do they have the patience or craftiness of an adult. They travel in mobs eating alive anything they encounter (even possibly each other). Those that make it to young adulthood are taught the Mindflayer ways.  Childer are about the same size as a Halfling.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Childer manifests psionic powers as an 2nd level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 30' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 12 Willpower Save or be Confused for 2d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small or Smaller creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to atatch its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Combat: Mindflayer kids aren't subtle, and they definitely aren't tactical geniuses.  Usually their idea of fighting consists of charging anything they outnumber, fleeing anything they don't (or thats to big), and mobbing or blasting the crap out of everything else.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 10, 2008, 12:21:27 PM
Mindflayer Childer Mob, Carnal
Gargantuan Aberration
Hit Dice: 30d8 (135 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares)
Armor Class: 11 (-4 Size, +3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 8
Base Attack/Grapple: +22/-33
Attack: Mob (5d6)
Full Attack: Mob (5d6)
Space/Reach: 20 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Mind Blast, Improved Grab, Extract, Expert Grappler, Trample 2d6-1
Special Qualities: Power Resistance 10, Telepathy 30 ft., Mob Anatomy
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +12, Will +17
Abilities: Str 8, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 10, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills: Hide +7, Listen +4, Move Silently +4, Spot +4
Feats: Alertness, Improved Bull Rush (B), Improved Overrun (B), Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary, Horde (3-6 Mobs)
Challenge Rating: 8??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---


"Bob...I think I've had too much of your homemade wine...I could swear I see baby monsters devouring the horses.."

Note: Mob rules (Expert Grappler, Mob Anatomy) found in DMG II.

Trample (Ex): DC 24 Reflex Save for half damage.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 30' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 25 Willpower Save or be Confused for 2d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small or Smaller creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to atatch its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Combat: Child mobs aren't that much different than solo Mindflayer kids, except they're more willing to take on groups, or bigger critters.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 11, 2008, 12:27:00 PM
Mindflayer Egg Sac
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 5d8+5 (27 hp)
Initiative: +8
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class: 19 (+4 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+4
Attack: Claw +4 melee (1d4+1)
Full Attack: 4 Claws +4 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spray
Special Qualities: 60' Dark Vision, Low Light Vision, Spider Climb, Wide Angle Vision
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +6
Abilities: Str 13, Dex 19, Con 13, Int 4, Wis 14, Cha 4
Skills: Climb +9, Hide +4, Listen +2, Move Silently +4, Spot +2
Feats: Improved Initiative, Run
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary or Creche (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 4??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ---

"Before you is a great room of more of the foul Mindflayer eggs.  Tending them are strange, vaguely spiderlike creatures that seem to be all legs and eyes with some sort of pouch on their back for holding eggs.  And to think you volunteered for this instead of the Kobold mission..."

The eggs of Carnal Mindflayers are terribly vulnerable. Therefore the Illithids engineered these creatures to carry them about. The Egg Sac is instructed to flee if anything approaches, and fight when it has to. When the young flayers hatch, it will become their first meal. They vary considerably but are usually vaguely insectoid with multiple eyes and limbs. They understand Common and Undercommon but cannot speak.

Spray (Ex): 30' line of acid once every 1d4 turns. 3d6 acid damage, DC 13 Reflex Save for half damage. Save DC is Constitution based.

Skills: Egg Sacs get a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb checks.  They may always Take 10 on a Climb check regardless of the circumstances, and may even climb sheer surfaces or walls.

Combat: Egg Sacs usually try to flee after Spraying.  They only fight in melee if cornered.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 18, 2008, 12:37:44 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Brute
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 15d8+75 (142 hp, 187 hp Rage)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 21 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +10 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 19
Rage AC: 19 (-1 Size, -2 Rage, +2 Dex, +10 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple: +11/+22
Attack: Tentacle +17 melee (1d6+7)
(Rage) Tentacle +20 melee (1d6+10)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +17 melee (1d6+7) and 2 Claws +12 melee (1d8+3)
(Rage) 4 Tentacles +20 melee (1d6+10) and 2 Claws +15 melee (1d8+5)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Extract, Rage
Special Qualities: Power Resistance 30, Dark Vision 60', Immunity to Psionics, Damage Reduction 5/-, Fast Healing 2
Saves: Fort +10 (Rage +13), Ref +7, Will +11 (Rage +14)
Abilities: Str 24 (Rage 30), Dex 15, Con 20 (Rage 23), Int 8, Wis 15, Cha 19
Skills: Climb +7, Hide +2, Intimidate +10, Listen +6, Move Silently +4, Spot +6, Survival +4
Feats: Alertness, Improved Initiative, Improved Natural Attack (Claws), Instantaneous Rage, Intimidating Rage, Power Attack
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Pack (4-8)
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: Double Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: ---

"TOR SMASH PUNY MINDFLERGL...Minfayble...Mind..SQUID GUYS!!!"

Every so often something results in a normal Mindflayer becoming a Ulitharid. Unfortunately the Carnal Mindflayers aren't so lucky. In their case the result is a horrifying mutation resulting from their mucking about with their genetics. One common such type of mutant is the Brute, a Mindflayer standing almost 16 feet tall, and weighing half a ton. Psionically blind they are prone to frightening rages, eventually being driven from their homes by their fellows. Brutes crave brains like an addict craves heroin, and the more powerful a psionic brain, the more they want it. Eventually it leads many to become secret cannibals (assuming they're allowed to stay instead of being exiled or killed at birth).  Brutes are renowned for high divorce rates, addiction, and brow ridges. They speak a grunting, pidgin version of Undercommon.

Immune to Psionics (Ex): Brutes are immune to all psionically manifested powers that allow a Saving Throw. They get their Power Resistance score against arcane and divine magic, and against Psionic Powers that allow for Power Resistance.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Rage (Ex): Identical to the Barbarians Mighty Rage ability on page 26 of the PHB. Brutes can Rage 4 times per day.

Combat: Brutes have little tactical sense beyond charging and flailing away. Some few seem to have figured out stealth, but they don't always use it trusting in their sheer physical power and immunity to psionic harm.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 22, 2008, 01:28:20 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Brain
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 10d8 (45 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: Fly 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 14 (+1 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+4
Attack: Tentacle +4 melee (1d3-3)
Full Attack: 8 Tentacles +4 melee (1d3-3)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Mind Blast, Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract
Special Qualities: Telepathy 1 mile, Power Resistance 27, Flight, Wide Angle Vision
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +14
Abilities: Str 4, Dex 12, Con 10, Int 30, Wis 24, Cha 24
Skills: Autohypnosis +20, Bluff +17, Concentration +10, Hide +13, Knowledge (Arcana, Psionics, The Planes) +23, Listen +21, Move Silently +13, Psicraft +23, Sense Motive +17, Search +14, Spot +25, Use Psionic Device +20
Feats: Alertness, Combat Manifestation, Improved Initiative, Weapon Finesse, Overchannel (B), Talented (B), Power Penetration (B), Greater Power Penetration (B)*
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 11
Treasure: Double Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: -

* All Feats not from the PHB are from the Expanded Psionics Handbook.


"Hey Bob!! Bob you gotta see this!!! It's like one'a them brains in jars, 'cept it's not!"

Brain mutations are hideous creatures. Roughly 5' tall (most of which is head), they are shrunken and malformed, floating through the air. Their head is covered in eyes and fibrous growths, and they have 8 slender tentacles instead of the usual 4. Antisocial and xenophobic even by Mindflayer standards, they are almost always encountered alone.  Usually ranting about how the world will one day pay for it’s crimes against them.  Or maybe just about some small cave critter it secretly believes has been it’s own personal stalker.  Nothing sucks like being stalked by a normal bat which keeps returning no matter how much you disintegrate it with your mind (of course you also might be living in a cave full of bats...).
Brains speak 10 languages, 2 of which are usually Common or Undercommon, the other 8 tend to be whatever lives nearest.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with at least 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Brain manifests psionic powers as an 10th level Erudite. Save DC's are Intelligence based. They get 40 Power Points more per day than an Erudite of their level.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 22 Willpower Save or be Feebleminded as per the spell. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of an 8th level spell.

Wide Angle Vision (Ex): Brains get a +4 Racial Bonus on Spot and Search checks, and can't be flanked.

Flight (Su): Brains levitate psionically. They permanently have a Feather Fall spell in effect on their person, even if they become unconscious. If they encounter a Null Psi or Antimagic Field this ability shuts off, and they may crawl at 5' per round.

Combat: Brains open up with psionics and their Mind Blast from a distance, and then single out helpless or feebleminded opponents. Against groups they'll use hit and run tactics until they've reduced most of the party to babbling idiots.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: AstralFire on September 22, 2008, 01:42:26 PM
So what causes the floating brain syndrome?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 23, 2008, 11:58:06 AM
So what causes the floating brain syndrome?

Pretty much the same thing that causes the Brute to exist.  Instead of Ulitharids the Carnal Mindflayers get one of several bizarre mutant freakazoids.  There'll be several of these cause I got request after request for them when I was originally doing them.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 24, 2008, 01:26:07 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Bimbo
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 8d8+8 (44 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+6
Attack: Tentacle +4 melee (1d3)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +4 melee (1d3)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Mind Blast, Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Mesmerize
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +5, Will +10
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 16, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 18, Cha 24
Skills: Bluff +7, Concentration +6, Diplomacy +7, Hide +7, Knowledge (Psionics) +3, Listen +6, Move Silently +7, Psicraft +3, Sense Motive +4, Spot +6, Use Psionic Device +10
Feats: Alertness, Combat Manifestation, Improved Initiative, Weapon Finesse (B) *
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: Double Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: +7

* Combat Manifestation is from the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

"Dude that hot mindflayer check is checking you out."

"The hot WHAT??"


Mind Flayer Bimbos are among the rarest of mutations, and 90% of them are female. Bimbos are pretty much humanoid except for the mindflayery head. Their skin is jet balck and shiny, and their body is sculpted like a greek statue. For some unknown reason they appear to be incredibly attractive to elves. They are also responsible for the creation and evolution of Mindflayer divorce law, much to the chagrin of virtually everyone.  Not that Mindflayers have what is commonly thought of as marriage.  Basically it's a contract to fulfill one another's "needs", and an agreement to work mutually towards each others goals.  Love usually doesn't enter into it.  Divorces are basically fights, and the winner gets to lobotomize the user and keep them as a pet slave.

Basically what we're suggesting is don't get drunk around them if there's a priest or lawyer available.


Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Bimbo manifests psionic powers as an 8th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 21 Willpower Save or be Charmed (as the Charm Monster spell) for 3d4 minutes. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Mesmerize (Ps): The Bimbo may cast Implanted Suggestion at will as a Psilike ability. Manifester level is equal to the Bimbos Hit Dice. Save DC gains a +2 Racial Bonus against Elves (+4 against Drow). Bimbos use this power to gain sugar daddies who give them money and protection, and the occasional sacrifice. Or to convince elves that Mindflayers are incredibly desirable despite all prior experiences they may have had to the contrary.

Combat: Bimbos prefer to avoid combat relying on their Mind Blast and Mesmerize abilities to have a party member adopt them as their new girlfriend/mate/wife/significant other/etc. Faced with higher numbers they usually flee. One on one, you better get used to Mindflayer snugglin' because you'll end up doing a lot of it. Until they need to munch a brain (unless your willing to get them victims).
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: AstralFire on September 24, 2008, 05:10:35 PM
Mindflayer, Carnal (not what you're thinking sicko monkeys)

Maybe it's the nipple rings, or the leather dog collar, or the way it keeps staring at you
One might be obsessed with convincing pert young drow boys that joining her harem is a normal rite of passage for all drow men (really she swears).

Uh-huh.

Reiterated for emphasis.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Ieniemienie on September 24, 2008, 06:17:15 PM
uh, if I understand correctly: a Martian Goliath would have LA +2, gain 2HD and increase one size category?  ???
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: AstralFire on September 24, 2008, 07:01:15 PM
uh, if I understand correctly: a Martian Goliath would have LA +2, gain 2HD and increase one size category?  ???

And also gain speed. Seems a little weak off-hand, though you can do a lot with a Large creature that gets to pretend they're Huge.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 25, 2008, 11:32:56 AM
uh, if I understand correctly: a Martian Goliath would have LA +2, gain 2HD and increase one size category?  ???

And also gain speed. Seems a little weak off-hand, though you can do a lot with a Large creature that gets to pretend they're Huge.

Keep in mind because of the Size increase they'll be getting +8 Str, +4 COn, -2 Dex, and increasing their Natural AC Bonus by 2 (in addition to the +2 int and wis for the template).  They get a bit out of being bigger.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: AstralFire on September 25, 2008, 01:15:04 PM
I always forget you get stat changes for changing size.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 27, 2008, 12:44:22 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Hulk
Huge Aberration
Hit Dice: 20d8+300 (390 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 30 (-2 Size, +18 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 30
Base Attack/Grapple: +15/+40
Attack: Tentacle +30 melee (1d6+17)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +30 melee (1d6+17) and 2 Slams +25 melee (1d6+8)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks: Mind Blast, Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Swallow Whole
Special Qualities: Telepathy 5 miles, Power Resistance 35, Damage Reduction 5/-
Saves: Fort +21, Ref +6, Will +21
Abilities: Str 44, Dex 10, Con 40, Int 10, Wis 28, Cha 24
Skills: Climb +17, Concentration +35, Intimidate +7, Knowledge (Psionics) +6, Listen +11, Psicraft +10, Spot +11, Use Psionic Device +17
Feats: Alertness, Combat Manifestation, Empower Power, Greater Power Penetration, Improved Initiative, Maximize Power, Power Penetration *
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 20
Treasure: Double Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 21-25 HD (Huge), 26-35 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment: ----

* Feats not found in the PHB are in the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

"You wanna go to WHAT island?  Mister we should kill you just for thinkin' bout that..."


Hulks are rare mutants standing 20-30 feet tall. Able to wrestle with Titans, the Hulks are greatly feared even by their own kind. Many are put down when it becomes obvious they are growing bigger than normal.  Known for having a strange sense of humor many like to spring on people unawares screaming "IA IA CTHULHU FTHAGN" or some such similar gibberish, and then scampering away to repeat later.  Most speak Common.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn. If the opponent is Large or bigger it may try to Extract it's brain the next round, if the opponent is Medium or Smaller it can attempt to Swallow it the next round instead.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Hulk manifests psionic powers as an 10th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based. But it may spend points on powers, and has the Power Points per day, of a 20th level Wilder. Their huge brains have massive power cells, but lose flexibility.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 120' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 27 Willpower Save or be knocked unconscious for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 7th level spell.

Swallow Whole (Ex): A Mindflayer Hulk can Swallow an opponent up to 2 Size Classes smaller than itself with a successful grapple check. Once inside the opponent takes 2d6+17 points of bludgeoning damage and 2d6 points of acid damage per round. It may attempt to cut it's way out with a light slashing or piercing weapon by doing 25 points of damage to the stomach (AC 19). Once he exits muscular action closes the hole, so other swallowed creatures muct cut their own way out. A hulks stomach can hold 2 Medium, 8 Small, 32 Tiny, or 64 Diminutive or smaller creatures.

Combat: Hulks are pretty straightforward: Mindblast, Mindblast, zap anything conscious, close and start wailing. Rinse, Repeat.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 04, 2008, 01:23:16 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Blob
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 12d8+70 (124 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 Size, -4 Dex, +10 Natural), touch 5, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +9/+15
Attack: Tentacle +10 melee (1d4+2+1d6 acid)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +10 melee (1d4+2+1d6 acid)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Constrict
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 30, Semisolid, Immunities, Fast Healing 3
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +0, Will +12
Abilities: Str 15, Dex 3 , Con 20, Int 15, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills: Concentration +15, Knowledge (Psionics) +12, Listen +14, Psicraft +12, Spot +14, Use Psionic Device +14
Feats: Combat Manifestation, Improved Initiative, Narrow Mind, Psionic Body, Psionic Fist, Psionic Meditation *
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 12
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: ---

* All Feats not in the PHB may be found in the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

"Omigod, you are so, like, the fattest Mindflayer we have ever seen...How long has it been since you've seen your feet??  Are you even a threat at this ERK.."

"Forgot bout my Psionic powers elfie..."

Blob Mindflayers are grotesquely obese (weighing over 1000 pounds easily, and almost as wide as they are tall), and their flesh has begun to become almost gelatinous. They don't get many willing dates... But then most regular Mindflayers don't get willing dates, let alone mutant ones.  They usually speak Common and Undercommon.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn. Or it may Constrict the next turn.

Constrict (Ex): A Blob does 2d4+4+2d6 acid with a successful grapple check.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Blob manifests psionic powers as an 12th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Semisolid (Ex): Blobs are immune to Critical hits and flanking. As a Full round action they can pass through any barrier that isn't completely solid.

Immunities: Blobs are immune to poison, sleep effects, paralysis, and polymorph.

Powerful Build (Ex): Identical to the ability listed on page 12 of the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

Combat: Not much different from regular Mindflayers, however due to their improved physical defenses they are more willing to mix things up physically.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 05, 2008, 01:14:26 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Twitcher
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 6d8 (27 hp)
Initiative: +7 (Spastic +12)
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 13
Spastic: 25 (+8 Dex, +7 Natural), touch 18, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+3
Attack: Tentacle +3 melee (1d4-1)
Spastic: Tentacle +12 melee (1d4+4)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +3 melee (1d4-1)
Spastic: 4 Tentacles +12 melee (1d4+4) and 2 Slams +7 melee (1d3+4)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Go Spastic
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 18
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +5 (Spastic +10), Will +11
Abilities: Str 8 (Spastic 18), Dex 17 (Spastic 27), Con 10, Int 13, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills: Concentration +6, Hide +7, Knowledge (Psionics) +6, Listen +6, Move Silently +6, Psicraft +6, Spot +6, Use Psionic Device +8
Feats: Alertness, Combat Manifestation, Improved Initiative *
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 7
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: +7

*Combat Manifestation is in the Expanded Psionics Handbook.
"Mah gawd you is thuh thinnest Flayah evah ah did see."

"Go away human..."

"Whatchoo gonna do if' ah don't boy?"

"I beat the last one who refused to leave with his own intestines."

"Bulls.."

"BLEARGHHH" wham wham wham

Twitchers are small incredibly thin Mindflayer mutations. They're main claim to fame is shivering like a chihuahua on speed. Well that and their fits of insane temper.  Even when they aren't Frenzying they give people the jitters.  Other Mindflayers living near them tend to have some form of teleportation on standby juuuust in case...Twitchers are about the height of a normalhuman, but about 30 pounds underweight.  They speak Common and Undercommon.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Twitcher manifests psionic powers as an 6th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Go Spastic (Ex): If insulted, angered, or hurt the Twitcher must make a DC 25 Willpower Save or Go Spastic. It gains a +10 Enhancement bonus to Strength, and Dexterity. Natural Armor Bonus increases to +7, and it gets DR: 5/-. While going Spastic and making a Full Attack it gains 2 Slam attacks doing 1d3 plus it's Strength modifier as Secondary Attacks. It will immediately attack every living thing within sight until everything is dead, or (3+Constitution modifier) rounds have passed, at which point it stops being Spastic, and is instead Fatigued until it gets a full nights sleep. If it becomes Spastic again while Fatigued, it will be Exhausted when the spasm where's off instead. Should it go Spastic again before rresting it must make a DC 20 Fort Save or become unconscious for 12 hours.

Combat: Twitchers usually use their powers and ambush tactics. Until they get hurt and go Spastic. Then they just charge and flail.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 06, 2008, 12:44:08 PM

Carnal Mindflayer, Beholder
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 10d8+10 (55 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+7
Attack: Tentacle +7 melee (1d4) and 10 Eye Rays +9 ranged touch (2d8+10)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +7 melee (1d4) or 10 Eye Rays +9 ranged touch (2d8+10)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Eye Rays
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25, Wide Angle Vision
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +11
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 15, Con 12, Int 17, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills: Autohypnosis +9, Concentration +11, Hide +12, Knowledge (Arcana, Psionics) +13, Listen +10, Move Silently +12, Psicraft +3, Spot +10, Use Psionic Device +14
Feats: Ability Focus (Eyebeams), Alertness, Combat Manifestation, Improved Initiative *
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 11
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: ---

*Combat Manifestation can be found in the Expanded Psionics Handbook

"Aw Jebus....this one's mother done did something wrong..."

Beholder Mindflayers are mutations with many eyes, but otherwise they resemble regular flayers. When informed of the nickname, actual Beholders took unprecedented offense and vowed to wipe them and all Mindflayers from the face of existence. As well as anyone who used the nickname or made the comparison. Darn touchy them Beholders.  And it has nothing to do with the rumors of cross species mating either. No sir.......They speak Common, Undercommon, and Beholder (hmm...).

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Beholder Manifests psionic powers as an 9th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Wide Angle Vision (Ex): Beholder Flayers get a +4 Racial Bonus on Spot and Search checks, and can't be flanked.

Eye Rays (Su): The Beholder Mindflayer has traded it's Mindblast for several powerful eye rays.
Each eye ray has a range of 150 feet and the effect is the same as Inflict Moderate Wounds as cast by a 12th level caster (Will Save DC 21 for half damage, Save DC is Charisma based).

Combat: Beholder Mindflayers usually just hose down their opponents with eye beams, using their psionic powers to retreat or set up ambushes.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: AstralFire on October 07, 2008, 02:10:14 AM
Two aberrant tastes that taste aberrant together.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 08, 2008, 11:48:31 AM
Carnal Mindflayer, Medusae
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 10d8+20 (65 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30'
Armor Class: 17 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+13
Attack: Tentacle +8 melee (1d4+2)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +8 melee (1d4+2)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Gaze Attack
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25, Blindsight 120'
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +11
Abilities: Str 15, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 17, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills: Autohypnosis +14, Concentration +7, Hide +8, Knowledge (Psionics) +13, Listen +6, Move Silently +12, Psicraft +13, Spot +6, Use Psionic Device +14
Feats: Alertness, Combat Manifestation, Improved Initiative, Up the Walls *
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: --

*Feats not found in the PHB are in the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

"Okay...dude, seriously...what has your daddy been fooling around with?"

"Look, I'm just a mutant, okay?"

"Yeeeeaaahhh....yeah I didn't but that crap from the one with all the eyestalks either....friggin' perverts...."


Medusae Mindflayers are hideous. The only Mindflayer so ugly it's opponents eyes explode rather than look at it. They resemble regular mindflayers with a sluglike body from the waist down, and a head and back teeming with small writhing tendrils. The other Carnal Mindflayers sometimes refer to them as "fugly".  The Medusae sometimes refer to other Mindflayers as "you hypocritical, condescending mother fuckers".  They speak Common, Undercommon, Draconic, and Goblin. 

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Medusae manifests psionic powers as an 10th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Blinding Gaze (Ex): 1d6 damage and Permanent Blindness as eyeballs explode, 30', DC 19 Fortitude Save Negates (Save DC is Charisma based).

Combat: Medusae Flayers rely on their Gaze Attack to render their victims sufficiently disabled to close in and finish them. They save their Psionic abilities for stubborn foes who make their save or avoid their Gaze.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 11, 2008, 02:05:26 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Hexapod
Medium Aberration (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 8d8+16 (52 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: Swim 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+2 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+7
Attack: Arm +12 melee (1d4+6)
Full Attack: 4 Arms +12 melee (1d4+6) and 2 Tentacles +7 melee (1d6+3)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft. (10 ft. with tentacles)
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Mind Blast
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +9
Abilities: Str 22, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 19, Wis 17, Cha 17
Skills: Concentration +12, Hide +12, Knowledge (Psionics) +14, Listen +13, Psicraft +14, Spot +13, Swim +14, Use Psionic Device +9
Feats: Improved Initiative, Combat Manifestation, Multigrab *
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 9
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: -

* Combat manifestation is from the Expanded Psionics Handbook, Multigrab is from  Savage Species.

"Hoooooweeee!! Lookit what ah got's in mah net heah!! You is the ugliest octopus ever I did see..."

"STFU, and drop me back in the water Bubba, or you'll see just how ugly I can be."

Hexapods look like purple octopi, with a few important differences. They have 4 stubby arms, and 2 long tentacles, a lamprey like mouth, and their eyes resemble a mindflayers. Perfectly adapted for aquatic existence, they can be a terror in the reefs of local seaside communities.  It's wise not to make Calamari jokes around them.  They've heard them all, they don't think they're funny.  You have been warned. Hexapods are about 60 to 150 pounds, with an armspan of up to 14 feet.  They speak Aquan, Common, Giant, and Sahuagin.

Skills: Hexapods have a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim checks, and can always Take 10 on a Swim check. They may use the Run action while swimming in a straight line.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's arm or tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining arms/tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with any combo of 4 arms or tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Hexapod manifests psionic powers as an 8th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 17 Willpower Save or be Paralyzed for 2d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Combat: Hexapods are DEADLY underwater. They usually open up with the Mindblast as much as possible, and try to finish off drowning paralyzed targets.  If this fails they will rely on the psionic powers to create an opening for their grapple.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on October 11, 2008, 02:26:34 PM

Mindflayer Childer, Carnal
Small Aberration
Hit Dice: 2d8 (9 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-4
Attack: Tentacle +4 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +4 melee (1d3-1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Mind Blast, Psionic Powers, Improved Grab, Extract
Special Qualities: Power Resistance 10, Telepathy 30 ft.
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +1
Abilities: Str 8, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 10, Wis 13, Cha 13
Skills: Hide +7, Listen +5, Move Silently +4, Spot +5
Feats: Alertness, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Horde (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 2??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: ---

"You hear kind of a gurgling sound followed by crying up ahead around the corner as well as some unidentified tearing sound.  You round the bend just in time to see dozens of what look like baby Mindflayers ripping their way out of large, leathery eggs.  They look at you in stunned surprise before charging, and falling down because their legs aren't quite steady yet.  You flee after pooping yourself."

Carnal Mind Flayer children are surprisingly intelligent for their age, but mostly feral. While they can understand Undercommon they can't quite speak it yet, nor do they have the patience or craftiness of an adult. They travel in mobs eating alive anything they encounter (even possibly each other). Those that make it to young adulthood are taught the Mindflayer ways.  Childer are about the same size as a Halfling.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Childer manifests psionic powers as an 3rd level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

  I'm a little confused about how both of the bits that I underlined are true at the same time?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 12, 2008, 04:29:31 AM
Typo on my part.  Im revising these as I post them and sometimes I miss stuff.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on October 12, 2008, 05:41:35 AM
Ahhh, makes much more sense now.  I'm reminded of an old job i had with 2 different numeric keypad setups, one upside down to the other.  It made ringing up purchases occasionally more entertaining than necessary.  'Yes, sir, that'll be $84.27".... :jawdrop "I mean, $24.87...."
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 13, 2008, 09:08:40 AM
Jobs are always made better by moments of unintentional comedy :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 15, 2008, 12:50:37 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Nautiloid
Large Aberration (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 12d8+60 (114 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class: 21 (-1 Size, +12 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 21
Base Attack/Grapple: +9/+20
Attack: Claw +15 melee (1d8+7)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +15 melee (1d8+7), and 1 Radula +10 melee (2d6+3)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Bore, Charge, Powerful Build
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 30, Damage Reduction 5/-, Amphibious
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +4, Will +12
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 10 , Con 24, Int 15, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills: Concentration +17, Knowledge (Psionics) +12, Listen +14, Psicraft +12, Spot +14, Use Psionic Device +14
Feats: Combat Manifestation, Improved Inititative, Power Attack, Improved Bull Rush, Reckless Charge *
Environment: Underground or any Aquatic
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 13
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: +11

* Combat Manifestation is from the Expanded Psionics Handbook, Reckless Charge is from the Miniature's Handbook.

"Abner..."

"Yuh Cletus?"

"Whut the hail is thet thar thang?"

"Ah dunno but it just et Bill Johnston. And his boat."

"S'pose we shud stop fishin'?"

"Now lets not be hasty Abner..."


Nautiloids are unusual even for mutates. They appear vaguely like incredibly stocky Mindflayers covered in a horn-like shell. Two great tusks jut from the sides of their jaws, which they use in ramming attacks. The mouth is surrounded by many fine tentacles, and it hides a huge radula, the Nautiloid's most fearsome weapon.  They're pretty xenophobic.  They don't even keep slaves.  Which means they spend much of their time ranting about the work they have to do or why they cant eat each others brains instead of those disgusting foreigners.  Then they stare at each other uncomfortably for a while.  Then they change the subject. Nautiloids speak Common and Aquan.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Nautiloid hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it may use it's Bore attack the next round.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Nautiloid manifests psionic powers as an 12th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Charge (Ex): A Nautiloid does 2d8+14 damage with a charge.

Powerful Build (Ex): Identical to the ability listed on page 12 of the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

Bore (Ex): With a successful grapple check the Nautiloids tentacles and radula bore into the victims skull killing it instantly. This does not work against creatures with multiple heads (at leas until its gotten all the heads), elementals, oozes, undead, constructs, and plants.

Combat: Nautiloids almost always charge, and follow up with a grapple if they believe they can. Psionics are reserved for trickier situation where brute force will not suffice.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 16, 2008, 12:44:08 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Selachii
Large Aberration (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 10d8+40 (85 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: Swim 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+12
Attack: Bite +11 melee (1d10+5)
Full Attack: Bite +11 melee (1d10+5)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Swallow, Mind Blast
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +5, Will +10
Abilities: Str 20, Dex 15, Con 18, Int 19, Wis 17, Cha 17
Skills: Concentration +14, Hide +8, Knowledge (Psionics) +14, Listen +13, Move Silently +10, Psicraft +14, Spot +13, Swim +13, Use Psionic Device +13
Feats: Improved Initiative, Combat Manifestation, Ability Focus (Mind blast)
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: ---

"Awright!! Tourists!  I love tourists! Oooh and they have a lil dwarf hottie...Maybe I won't be eating them all after all..."

Selachii flayers resemble great purple sharks with lamprey like mouths surrounded by small tentacles, and no dorsal fin. They are perfectly adapted for underwater life.  Unlike real sharks these Mindflayer mutations tend to have a sense of mischief, and spend much time playing with their prey.  usually by sneaking up on them while telepathically projecting the theme song from Jaws into their heads.  How they know the Jaws theme song is irrelevant, and we ask that you do not pursue this line of questioning further.  Selachii are roughly the size of a Bull or Mako shark.  They speak Aquan and Common.

Skills: Selachii have a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim checks, and can always Take 10 on a Swim check. They may use the Run action while swimming in a straight line.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits with it's Bite attack it may attempt a Grapple check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If successful it may Swallow the next round.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Selachii manifests psionic powers as an 10th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 20 Willpower Save or be Panicked for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Swallow Whole (Su): A Selachii can extend its jaws to Swallow a Medium or smaller opponent by making a successful Grapple check. A swallowed creature takes 1d6+5 bludgeoning damage and 1d6+5 acid damage each round. A swallowed creature may cut its way out with a light slashing or piercing weapon by doing 15 points of damage to teh Selachii's stomach (AC 13). Once the creature exits muscular action closes the hole, and other creatures must cut their own way out. The Selachii's stomach can hold 1 Medium or Small, 4 Tiny, or 8 Diminutive or Smaller creatures.

Combat: Selachii blast their foes with their Mind Blast in an attempt to thin out the group opposing them. They will then eat whoever is slowest, or whoever seems most dangerous (i.e. casters, peple who made their saves). They will repeat this picking foes off one by one.  Their tentacles are too small to extract brains, so they just swallow victims whole usually.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 16, 2008, 12:44:33 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Slime
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 8d8+16 (52 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30'
Armor Class: 17 (+2 Dex, +3 Natural, +2 Deflection), touch 14, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+7
Attack: Tentacle +7 melee (1d4+1)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +7 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Mind Blast
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25, Slime
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +9
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 19, Wis 17, Cha 17
Skills: Balance +4, Climb +5, Concentration +12, Hide +2, Knowledge (Psionics) +14, Listen +13, Psicraft +14, Spot +13, Use Psionic Device +13
Feats: Improved Initiative, Combat Manifestation, Multigrab
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 9?
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: +8?

"I am so not touching that.  You didn't say they'd be icky..."

"Of course they're icky, they're Mindflayers.  Thats the entire friggin point of being a Mindflayer!"

Slime Mindflayers are covered in noxious purple goo. They can alter the consistency to make it sticky or oily. While the other flayers dont mind them, most humanoids find them disgusting. Except for some perverts among the Drow. What is it with the Drow anyway?  They are otherwise pretty identical to the average Carnal Mindflayer. 


Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Slimer manifests psionic powers as an 8th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 17 Willpower Save or be Confused for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Slime (Ex): A Slimer is covered in purple slime. As a Free Action it can later the slime to make it sticky or oily. If the slime is sticky the Slimer gains a +8 Circumstance Bonus to Climb, Balance, Trip, and Grapple checks (except when its trying to escape a Grapple). If the slime is Oily it gains a +8 Circumstance Bonus to Swim, Trip, and Grapple checks (only when attempting to escape a Grapple). It also gains a -8 Circumstance penalty to Climb and Balance checks. The slime also gives it a +2 Deflection Bonus to AC. Track rolls are automatically successful unless the Slimer enters the water at some point.

Combat: Slimers tend to try to hide, mind blast, and then close for grapple as soon as possible using their slime to ensure their prey cant escape.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 17, 2008, 02:26:40 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Albiniid
Large Aberration (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 10d8+40 (85 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft., Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+11
Attack: Tentacle +11 melee (1d4+4)
Full Attack: 4 Tentacles +11 melee (1d4+4)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Mind Blast
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25, Blind-Sight 60', Amphibious, Blind
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +6, Will +10
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 16, Con 18, Int 16, Wis 17, Cha 19
Skills: Climb +12, Concentration +9, Hide +13, Knowledge (Psionics) +8, Listen +7, Move Silently +13, Psicraft +13, Spot +7, Swim +17, Use Psionic Device +14
Feats: Blindfight, Combat Manifestation, Overchannel, Talented *
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: ---

*Feats not found in the Players Hanbook are from the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

"Tor...relax man it's just a giant albino flesheating Mindflayer."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Seriously, relax man, we've killed these things before."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

I swear to god if you don't shut the hell up I'm gonna lock you in this room with him."

".......'

Albiniids are underground aquatic Mindflayers mutations. Bone white with no eyes and suckers on their limbs, they aren't pretty even by Mindflayer standards. Most of them are extremely cannibalistic, which means they tend to get put down at birth. But they aren't picky if other flayers aren't available. They'll eat anything down to the bone.  Some of them eat bones too.  Albiniids understand Common, Undercommon, and Dwarven, but few of them speak.  Most of them tend to be completely bonkers from years of isolation with no one to talk to and have forgotten how to talk.


Skills: Albiniids have a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb and Swim checks, and can always Take 10 on a Climb or Swim check.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.

Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Albiniid manifests psionic powers as an 10th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 20 Willpower Save or be Blinded and Deafened for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Blind (Ex): Albiniids are blind, and therefore immune to any effects that are purely visual, such as flashes of light or visual illusions.

Combat: Albiniids will generally try to blind their foes putting them at a disadvantage. Then they can grapple and extract more leisurely. Many do hit and run attacks like this, slowly taking groups one at a time.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 17, 2008, 02:28:13 PM
Carnal Mindflayer, Cuttleworm
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 10d8+70 (115 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft., Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +6 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+11
Attack: Tentacle +11 melee (1d4+4)
Full Attack: 6 Tentacles +11 melee (1d4+4)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Psionics, Extract, Mind Blast
Special Qualities: Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 25
Saves: Fort +10, Ref +4, Will +10
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 12, Con 25, Int 10, Wis 17, Cha 19
Skills: Climb +12, Concentration +7, Hide +6, Knowledge (Psionics) +5, Listen +5, Move Silently +6, Psicraft +5, Spot +5
Feats: Blindfight, Combat Manifestation, Overchannel, Wounding Attack *
Environment: Underground
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: ---

*Feats not found in the Players Handbook appear in the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

"Jim...Jim that big boogity worm on the wall is talking to me without no voice..."

"And it's moments like this why none of the other adventurers wanted to be with you when we decided to split up Bubba."

Cuttleworm mutants resemble Carrion Crawlers from a great distance.  The other Mindflayers find them disturbing, and treat them much the way primitive humans treat mentally or physically disadvantaged individuals.  Which is to say not too well.  In return the Cuttleworms treat other Mindflayers like humans if they have one cornered alone.  Which is to say not too well.


Skills: Cuttleworms have a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb checks, and can always Take 10 on a Climb check.

Improved Grab (Ex):If the Mindflayer hits a Small, Medium, or Large creature with it's tentacle attack it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can attempt to attach its remaining tentacles with a single Grapple check. The opponent can make a Grapple or Escape Artist Check to escape, but the Mindflayer gets a +2 Circumstance Bonus for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponents turn.

Extract (Ex): A Mindflayer that begins it's turn with all 4 tentacles attached to an opponent and that makes a successful Grapple Check extracts it's opponents brain killing it instantly. This power is not instantly fatal to creatures with multiple heads, and it does not work on Constructs, Elementals, Oozes, Plants, and Undead.


Psionic Powers: A Carnal Mindflayer Cuttleworm manifests psionic powers as an 10th level Wilder. Save DC's are Charisma based.

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 20 Willpower Save or be Paralyzed for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Combat: Cuttleworms usually open up with a paralyzing Mind Blast or 3 before munching on someone.  Psionic powers tend to be reserved for troublesome individuals, and escapes.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on October 30, 2008, 01:40:52 PM
Half-Illithid, Carnal

Half-Illithid, Carnal is an Inherited Template that can be applied to any Aberration, Humanoid, or Monstrous Humanoid.  They get around them Mindflayers do.

Size and Type: Size is unchanged, Type becomes Abberation.

Hit Dice: Racial Hit Dice become d8's.

Speed: Unchanged.

Armor Class: Natural Armor Bonus increases by +1.

Attacks: Unchanged.

Damage: Unchanged.

Special Attacks: Retains all Special Attacks of the Base Creature, and gains the following:

Mind Blast (Su): This Psionic attack is a 60' Cone. Anything in it must make a DC 17 Willpower Save or be Confused for 3d4 rounds. The Save DC is Charisma Based. This power is the equivalent of a 4th level spell.

Psi-Like Abilities (Su): A Carnal Half-Illithid possesses a number of Psi-Like abilities depending on it's Hit Dice.  Manifester Level is 8th.  2 HD or less: Any one power from the Psion list of 2nd level or lower 3 times per day.  3-4 HD: Any one power from the Psion list of 3rd level or lower 3 times per day. 5-6 HD: Any one power from Psion list or 3rd level or lower 3 times per day.  7+ HD: Any one power from the Psion list of 4th level or lower once per day.


Mutation: The Half-Illithid gains a random mutation chosen from the following list:

1) Armored: Whether armor plate, rolls of fat, or just leathery hide you are harder to hurt.  Natural Armor Bonus increases by +10 instead of +1.

2) Super Brain: Your head has an enormous brain, granting you 2 extra power points per level, and you are considered to be one Manifester level than you are for purposes of how many power points you may spend on a power. 

3) Flight speed 40 ft., Good. 

4) Rubber Limbs: Your reach is 15 ft. as your arms are capable of stretching.

5) Third Eye: Blindsight 30', +2 Wis.

6)Part Starfish: Regeneration 5.

7) Tentacle Tongue: You have a Tentacle Attack.  While kissing someone (or if you have them pinned in a Grapple) you may insert your long barbed tentacle tongue into their throat.  They immediately begin suffocating (See DM's Guide page 304) unless they can escape the Grapple (they are at -4 on all Grapple rolls as your tongue is hard to dislodge, and difficult if not impossible to chew through).

8) Soft bones: Due to your cartilaginous bone structure you enjoy the benefits of Improved Grab and a +4 Racial Bonus to all Grapple checks.

9) Segmented Mouth: While your face appears normal your head/mouth are 4 separate segments which can unfold allowing you greater Bite damage.  Damage depends on Size: Fine (1d2), Diminutive (1d3), Tiny (1d4), Small (1d6), Medium (1d8), Large (2d6), Huge (3d6), Gargantuan (4d6), or Colossal (6d6).  This is a Primary attack adding double your Strength modifier in damage.  When grappling an opponent you may opt to do the damage listed for your Bite as opposed to you normal Grapple damage. 

10) Psychic Power: Choose any 3 powers from the Psion list of 3rd level or lower.  You may Manifest them at will as an 8th level Manifester. 



Special Qualities: Retains all Special Qualities of the Base Creature and gains the following:

Darkvision 60' (Ex)

Power Resistance (Ex): A Half Illithid has Power Resistance equal to 10 plus its Hit Dice.

Telepathy 100 ft. (Su)

Saves: Recalculate Saves from Racial Hit Dice only to reflect new Type (i.e. Willpower is only Good Save).

Abilities: Int +4, Wis +4, Cha +4

Skills: Use Psionic Device is always a Class Skill.

Feats: Unchanged.

Environment: Same as Base Creature and Underground.

Organization: Unchanged

Challenge Rating: +3

Treasure: Unchanged

Alignment: usually Chaotic

Advancement: Unchanged

Level Adjustment: +6

Example of creature using template here:

                      Shurlee
                      5th level Human Expert/Carnal Half Illithid
                      Medium Aberration
Hit Dice:             5d6 (17 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          12 (+1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+2
Attack:               As Weapon +2
Full Attack:          As Weapon +2
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Mind Blast, Psi-Like Abilities, Mutation (Psychic Power)
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 90' Telepathy 100', Power Resistance 15
Saves:                Fort +1, Ref +2, Will +8
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 12, Con 10, Int 17, Wis 18, Cha 20
Skills:               Bluff +13, Concentration +8, Diplomacy +13, Hide +9, Knowledge (Local) +11, Listen +12, Move Silently +9, Search +11, Sense Motive +12, Spot +5, Use Psionic Device +13
Feats:               Deep Vision (see COmplete Psionic), Inquisitor (See Expanded Psionics Handbook)
Challenge Rating:     8?
Treasure:             As per a 5th level PC
Alignment:            Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:     +6

Psi-Like Abilities (PS): Cloud Mind, Detect Hostile Intent, Id Insinuation 3/day, Manifester Level 8, Save DC 18

Mutation>Psionic Power (Ps): Can Manifest Empathy, Sense Link, and Telempathic Projection at Will (Save DC 18, Manifester Level 8).

"I want that woman arrested."

"Which woman sir?"

"The purple skinned woman.  She keeps sending me telepathic pictures of her spanking me with a dead monkey."

"Aren't you a Paladin?"

"Yes but I have no legal jurisdiction in your country."

"Ah...yes...well I'm afraid we can't arrest her sir."

"Why not?"

"Knows all our secrets.  Sorry."


Carnal Half-Illithids are the result of the Carnal Mindflayers social revolution upon discovering the possibilities of reproduction by mating as opposed to ceremorphosis.  They got off to a bit of a rocky start, and now there are many purple creatures with somewhat flayery traits.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on November 11, 2008, 07:40:04 AM
Armored Turtle
Small Construct
Hit Dice: 1d10+10 (15 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 10’ (2 squares)
Armor Class: 22 (+1 Size, +12 Natural, -1 Dex), touch 10, flat-footed 22
Base Attack: +0/ -3
Attack: Bite + 2 melee (1d3+1) or Lesser Orb of Fire +1 Ranged Touch (1d8)
Full Attack: Bite +2 melee (1d3+1) or Lesser Orb of Fire +1 Ranged Touch (1d8)
Space/Reach: 5’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Lesser Orb of Fire
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 5/ Adamantine, Dark Vision
60’, low-light Vision
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +1, Will +2
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 8, Con --, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environments: Any
Organization: Solitary, Gang (2-4), or Battalion (10-40)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 2-8 HD (medium), 9-12 HD (large)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Before you is a clockwork turtle roughly 3 feet in diameter with a turret of some sort in its shell.  Obviously it must be a Gnome creation, only they would be so gauche..."

Armored Turtles were created by the Gnomish nations to meet a need for armored soldiers, as most of their own people were unwilling to fit that description. They became immensely popular, and many variations were made, some quite large. Armored Turtle battalions were snuck into enemy territory and allowed to lay waste to it with their fire before being mothballed until the next time they were needed.  Most of them are the size of a particularly fat halfling, and weigh about 200 pounds or more. 

Lesser Orb of Fire (Sp): Once every other round the Turtle may 'cast' Lesser Orb of Fire from the turret in its back. Caster level is equal to the Turtles Hit Dice. Some Turtles have one of the other Lesser Orb spells, but these are rare. Medium or larger Armored Turtles are usually upgraded to the Orb of Fire spell.

Combat: Armored Turtle are pretty straight forward. They simply hold position and fire away with their Lesser Orb of Fire. If anyone gets close they bite.

Construction: An Armored Turtle is made from 235 pounds of steel treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 500 GP.  Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (clockworks) check. 

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Lesser Orb of Fire, Caster must be 11th Level.  Price 6000 GP; Cost 3000 GP + 120 XP
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on November 13, 2008, 12:29:17 PM
Electric Yak
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 12d10+30 (96 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40’ (8 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (-1 Size, +9 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 18
Base Attack: +9/ + 17
Attack: Gore + 15 melee (1d10+7)
Full Attack: Gore +15 melee (1d10+7)
Space/Reach: 10’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Electrified Charge
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 10/ Adamantine, Dark Vision 60’, Lowlight vision
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 10, Con--, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Gang (2-4), Battalion (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 9 ???
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 13-30 HD (large), 31-42 HD (huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"You see what appears to be a large clockwork Yak. The Gnomes have been busy again.  The boss really doesn't pay you enough for this."

Yet another clockwork experiment by the Gnomish Nations, the Electric Yak is called by some increasing proof of their insanity. The Yaks are usually used as Cavalry, breaking through opposing forces. It looks much like a clockwork Yak made from high grade steel. 

Electrified Charge (Su): When an Electric Yak charges it does 3d6+14 damage, plus an additional 2d6 electrical damage.

Combat: Electric Yaks generally Charge, and then repeatedly gore until their opponent falls or they do. They are unimaginative as fighters, but remain dangerous because of their massed numbers.

Construction: An Electric Yak is made from 2000 pounds of steel treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 5000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (clockworks) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Lightning Bolt, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 60000 GP; Cost 30000 GP + 1200 XP
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on November 14, 2008, 12:04:37 PM
Whale Golem
Gargantuan Construct
Hit Dice: 50d10+60 (335 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: Swim 40’ (8 squares)
Armor Class: 28 (- 4 Size, +22 Natural)
Base Attack/ Grapple: +37/ +49
Attack: Tail Slap + 45 melee (2d12+12)
Full Attack: Tail Slap +45 melee (2d12+12)
Space/Reach: 20’/ 15’
Special Attacks: Ram, Sonar Blast
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 15/ Adamantine, Dark Vision
60’, Immunity to Magic, Low-light Vision, Blindsight 120’, Cargo
Saves: Fort +16, Ref +15, Will +16
Abilities: Str 35, Dex 8, Con --, Int--, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ----
Feats: ---
Environment: Any aquatic
Challenge Rating: 17
Organization: Solitary
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

"A huge clockwork whale bursts from the water and swims into the bay. You can hear gnomish laughter. They've been drinking again..."

The Whale Golem was developed by the Gnomish Nations as a way to explore the seas, not, we repeat not, as a drunken bet as has been widely reported.  Why the Gnomes are interested in exploring the oceans is unknown, but since they have a wide range of odd behaviors manifesting in their society no one really questions it.  After all there are Gnomes who collect Dragon poop.  Bizarre Golems should come as no surprise.  Most people believe they made it just to prove they could.


Ram (Ex): Whenever the Whale Golem does a charge it does 4d6+24 damage. If it uses this against a boat it has a 95% chance of capsizing the boat if it is 30' or less. Boats 31+ feet long have only a 50% chance.

Sonar Blast (Su): Once every 14 rounds the Whale Golem can focus it's sonar to unleash a devastating attack in a 120' cone. It loses it's blindsight ability on any turn the Blast is used. Damage is 24d8 sonic and anyone in the cones area of effect must make a DC 35 Fortitude Save or be permanently deafened. They may also make a DC 35 Reflex Save for half damage.Save DC is 10 plus half hit dice.

Cargo: The Whale Golem can hold up to 16 small creatures in its cargo hold, and contains enough air for 24 hours before it needs to resurface. Optionally it can hold cargo equal to its heavy encumbrance value.

Immunity to Magic (Ex): A Whale Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows spell resistance.

Combat: On it's own the Whale Golem will blast any threat with it's Sonar before ramming it and then bludgeoning whatever is left repeatedly. If there are Gnome riders they can give it orders of course.

Construction: A Whale Golem is made from 30 tons of steel treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 50000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 25 Craft (clockworks) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Cacophonic Burst, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 230000 GP; Cost 115000 GP + 4600 XP
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on November 16, 2008, 01:39:08 PM
Gunpowder Golem
Medium Construct
Hit Dice: 2d10 +20 (31 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40’ (8 squares)
Armor Class: 10, touch 10, flat-footed 10
Base Attack/ Grapple: +1/ +2
Attack: Slam + 2 melee (1d4+1)
Full Attack: Slam +2 melee (1d4+1)
Space/ Reach: 5’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Berserk, Engulf
Special Qualities: Construct traits, Damage Reduction 10/ Bludgeoning, Dark
Vision 60’, Immunity to Magic, low-light vision, Explosive
Saves: Fort +3, Ref + 3, Will + 3
Abilities: Str 13, Dex 11, Con --, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Gang ( 2-4) or battle group (10 –40)
Challenge Rating: 2??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 4-8 HD (medium), 9-18 (large), 19-27 HD (huge)
Level Adjustment: ---


"A shifting humanoid pile of dark powder shambles toward you. You think it might be a dust or ash golem until it slaps Sergeant Bertrand and explodes. Here's hoping the rest of the front line doesn't share his smoking habit"

A Gunpowder Golem is made from gunpowder or something similar as the name implies. It was of course invented by the Gnomes who like inventing things almost as much as they like seeing them explode. It's also the reason Gnomes are banned in some polite societies.  Strangely the Panda Folk also make them, and they're known for being an ultra polite society.

Berserk (Ex): When a Gunpowder Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Gunpowder Golem goes berserk there is no known method of re establishing control.

Engulf (Ex): A Gunpowder Golem can attempt to smother an opponent by engulfing it in combat. If it succeeds with a grapple check against a living opponent that breathes it engulfs it. Instead of regular grapple damage the victim begins to suffocate (see page 304 of the DMG).

Immunity to Magic(Ex): The Gunpowder Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows spell resistance. The one exception is anything doing fire or electricity damage (see below).

Explosive (Ex): If the Gunpowder Golem takes 1 point of fire or electricity damage it explodes. Damage and the area of effect are based on Size. Opponents in the area get a DC 13 Reflex Save for half damage unless they are being grappled by the Gunpowder Golem. Save DC is Constitution based. Damage is 3d6 plus 1d6 for every 2 Hit Dice the Golem has. Area of Effect depends on the Golems size: Medium is 10' radius, Large is 20', Huge is 40'. The explosions area of effect is covered by a thick cloud of smoke for 1d6 minutes afterwards (strong winds will disippate this in 1d6 rounds instead). Entering the smoke has the same effect as breathing heavy smoke (see page 304 of the DMG). Needless to say this also kills the Golem.

Skills: Gunpowder Golems have a racial bonus to the DC of the Explosive ability based on their Size:Medium: +2. Large: +4, Huge: +8.

Combat: Gunpowder Golems realize their explosive nature.  They will avoid opponents with fire until they can get close enough to grapple or do serious damage if fire is used.  If opponents have no obvious fire they charge in and go straight to the Engulf attack.

Construction: A Gunpowder Golem is made from 200 pounds of gunpowder treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 1000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Fireball, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 8000 GP; Cost 4000 GP + 160 XP
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on November 19, 2008, 11:53:24 AM
Marble Golem
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 11d10+30 (90 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30’ (6 squares)
Armor Class: 24 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, + 14 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 23
Base Attack/ Grapple: +8/ +16
Attack: Slam + 10 melee (1d8+4)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +10 melee (1d8+4)
Space/Reach: 10’/ 10’
Special Attacks: Berserk, Marbles
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 15/ Adamantine or Bludgeoning,
Dark Vision 60’, Immunity to Magic, Low-light Vision, Scattering
Death
Saves: + 3, Ref +4, Will +3
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 12, Con --, Int – Will 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Gang (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 9
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 12-18 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---


"A large humanoid figure composed entirely of marbles held together by some magical force shambles toward you as all you can think is " ^^^^ I really hate those friggin' Gnomes..."

Berserk (Ex): When a Marble Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Gunpowder Golem goes berserk there is no known method of re establishing control.

Marbles (Ex): At will as a Standard action a Marble Golem can scatter and become a sheet of living moving marbles. It covers a 20' area. Anything entering the area is subject to a free trip attack that does not provoke an attack of opportunity. If the trip attack is successful, the opponent takes 1d6 subdual damage. The golem itself is considered a swarm of thousands of Fine sized constructs, and has appropriate swarm traits in this form (i.e. Distraction, Immune to Weapon Damage, etc) with 2 exceptions: It doesn't get the usual Swarm attack, just the special trip attacks. And it doesn't suffer the penalties from wind based attacks swarms of Fine sized creatures usually do.

Immunity to Magic(Ex): The Marble Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows spell resistance, with the exception of Shatter.

Scattering Death (Ex): Upon being killed a marble golem covers a 20' area with marbles. Anything entering or leaving this area must make a DC 15 Balance check or fall prone taking 1d6 subdual damage.

Combat: Gnomes usually have Marble Golems act as spoilers, using their Marbles attack to throw the enemy into disarray.

Construction: A Gunpowder Golem is made from 500 pounds of marbles treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 500 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (glassblowing) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 32000 GP; Cost 16000 GP + 640 XP
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on November 21, 2008, 02:24:42 PM
Bell Golem
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 12d10+30 (96 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 20’ (4 squares)
Armor Class: 22 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +14 natural), touch 8, flat-footed 22
Base Attack/ Grapple: +9/+20
Attack: Slam +14 melee (2d10+7+1d10 Sonic)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +14 melee (2d10+7+1d10 Sonic)
Special Attacks: Berserk, Bell-like Fists, Bong
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 10/ Adamantine, Dark Vision
60’, Immunity to Magic, Low-light Vision
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +3, Will +4
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 8, Con --, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, or Gang (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 13-18 HD (large), 19 –33 HD (huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Standing in front of the church is an automated Golem whose body appears to be a huge bell.  Hmm..  Don't see that every day.  The local clergy is either putting on a display of wealth, or one of thems made a drunken bet again..."

Originally conceived by a group of clerics known for their spectacular displays of public drunkenness, these are primarily the guardians of churches and the like.  They appear to be a large, metal, bell shaped humanoid with bell like fists.

Bell-Like Fists (Su): The Bell Golem's hands are replaced with large metal bells that bong loudly when striking a victim doing +1d10 Sonic Damage.

Berserk (Ex): When a Bell Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Bell Golem goes berserk there is no known method of re establishing control.

Bong (Su): The Bell Golem's somewhat hollow body is a large bell itself, and it bongs loudly when struck, especially by blunt weapons. When hit by a weapon everyone within a 20' radius takes Sonic damage equal to half the damage done by the weapon hit (full damage if it was a blunt weapon).

Immune to Magic (Ex): Bell Golems are immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows Spell Resistance. However, spells doing Sonic Damage cause it to Bong, doing half the spells damage to everyone else within 20'

Combat: Bell Golems tend to wade in and start smacking away. They don't really have any sense of tactics other than to go for opponents with blunt weapons first.

Construction: A Bell Golem is made from 600 pounds of brass and other metals treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 2000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Shout, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 50000 GP; Cost 25000 GP + 1000 XP
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on November 23, 2008, 02:52:13 AM
Quote from: bhu
Bong (Su):
...this should be your next golem...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on November 24, 2008, 01:06:42 PM
I do have a Booze Golem planned
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on November 25, 2008, 12:16:03 AM
yeah but then the obvious bong joke would be that it's the perfect weapon to use against the golem (as in a beer bong), rather than the golem being one. Maybe I'll write up a bong golem... and the beer bong as a weapon... If you don't mind other people posting stuff, bhu.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on November 25, 2008, 12:35:00 PM
sure go ahead
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Callix on November 25, 2008, 12:39:59 PM
Surely the Marble Golem should be vulnerable to shatter. It can be its special "only spell that affects me" spell.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on November 26, 2008, 12:35:46 PM
Surely the Marble Golem should be vulnerable to shatter. It can be its special "only spell that affects me" spell.

Fixed
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Callix on November 26, 2008, 12:59:54 PM
Fixed
Thought I should mention that they're all mind-numbingly awesome. So mind-numbing, in fact, that I was reduced to my primal urge to nitpick.

... I got better.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on November 27, 2008, 01:09:12 PM
No worries.  I put them up for criticism.  Wizards and GitP tend to be a bit too nicey nice to really rip into me if if screw something up, but I'm pretty sure you guys will let me know :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on November 28, 2008, 01:55:09 PM
Beholder Cyclops, Hypnos
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 16d8+64 (136 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 23 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
22
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+16
Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Will Crushing Gaze
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +7, Will +14
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 18, Int 18, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Hide +17, Knowledge (Local) +23, Listen +21, Search +23, Spot +21, Survival +21
Feats: Ability Focus (Will Crushing Gaze), Alertness, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Iron Will
Environment: Underdark
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 13
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 17-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"YOU WILL OBEY THE HYPNOBAWL!!"

"Thats it.  Thats the absolute best battle cry you can think of?"

"Hey, screw you guys!"


Eventually it was inevitable the rituals for creating the Beholder Cyclops' would resurface somewhere, and they did.  Unfortunately in the hands of a lunatic halfling Wizard with a Napoleon complex who believed he was the obvious choice for Rule of the Known World.  Slackbutt the mage knew he had to convince the rest of the world he was their chosen leader, and when he found the means to create Beholder Cyclops, the Hypnos was the result.  Concentrating on developing the power of the Charm eyes, he created the ultimate hypnotic weapon.  A weapon that had a mind of it's own.  Unlike the other Cyclops, the Hypnos was fairly intelligent, and couldn't be bullied.  Slackbutt ended up fleeing town, and the Beholder nations were required to put down the uprising caused by the new Beholderkin.  Hypnos appear to be regular Beholders, but without eyestalks.  They can speak Beholder and Common.

Will Crushing Gaze (Su): Anything entering the 150 foot cone projected by the Hypnos' central eye must make a DC 22 Willpower Save or be subjected to the Charm Monster spell (Caster Level is equal to the Hypnos' Hit Dice).  If it remains within the Cone for 3 rounds after failing the Save, it must make another Save or it is subject to Dominate Monster instead. 

Flight (Ex): A Hypnos' body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: Hypnos rely on the power of their eye and will always try to charm their opponents into remaining in the effect of their eye until they can dominate them serving them, fleeing if they cannot. 
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 02, 2008, 12:35:48 PM
Putty Panda
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 10d10+30 (85 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 20’ (4 squares)
Armor Class: 22 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +14 natural), touch 8, flat-footed 22
Base Attack/ Grapple: +7/ +26
Attack: Slam + 13 melee (1d10+7)
Full Attack: 2 slams +13 melee (1d10+7)
Space/ Reach: 10’/10’
Special Attacks: Berserk, Adhesion, Smother, Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 10/ Bludgeoning and
Adamantine, Dark Vision 60’, Immunity to Magic, Low-light
Vision, Immune to Magic
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +2, Will +3
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 8, Con --, Int --, Will 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Gang (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 10?
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 12-18 HD (large)
Level Adjustment: ---


"Y'know...even from here I just know that thing is trouble..."

One of the few Golems known whose design is obviously deranged, and that ISN'T a creation of the Gnome Kingdoms, the Putty Pandas are the guardians and sometimes foot soldiers of the Pandafolk.  It appears to be a large anthropomorphic Panda made from some sort of sticky putty.  About 600 pounds or more of sticky putty.

Berserk (Ex): When a Putty Panda enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Putty Panda goes berserk there is no known method of re establishing control.

Adhesion (Ex): Putty Pandas are incredibly sticky. Anyone striking them with a wepon must make a DC 15 Reflex Save (Save DC is Con based) or their weapon is stuck to the Putty Panda. They will have to succeed in a Grapple check to pull it free. Putty Pandas receive a +8 Racial Bonus to Grapple checks.

Improved Grab (Ex): A Putty Panda that successfully hits with a Slam attack can immediately make a Grapple check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it succeeds it can use it's Smother attack on any opponent 1 Size Class smaller than itself. Due to it's adhesive nature the Putty Panda can grapple a creature of any size class.

Smother (Ex): Any living creature that requires air and that is Pinned successfully in a Grapple by a Putty Panda begins to suffocate (see DMG page 304).

Immune to Magic (Ex): Putty Pandas are immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows Spell Resistance.

Combat: Putty Pandas usually just charge and grapple. They aren't really bright or subtle.  And of course they're made for grappling so they may as well take advantage of it.


Construction: A Putty Panda is made from 600 pounds of silly putty treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 1000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Web, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 50000 GP; Cost 25000 GP + 1000 XP
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 03, 2008, 01:02:03 PM
Booze Golem
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 10d10+30 (85 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 17 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:+7/+20
Attack: Slam +15 melee (1d8+9)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +15 melee (1d8+9)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Engulf, Berserk, Intoxication, Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Immunity to Magic, Dark Vision 60 ft., Low Light Vision, Damage Reduction 10/-, Fluid Body
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +3
Abilities: Str 29, Dex 16, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills:-
Feats: -
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating:10??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 11-15 HD (large), 16 –30 HD (huge)
Level Adjustment:---

"Dude...dude we SO have to fight this monster.."

Long beloved by Gnomes, Dwarves, and Halflings who all claim to have invented it. The Booze Golem is a tall vaguely humanoid shape composed of some form of alcohol. They think of it as a way to have the Rum protect itself when the army is on the march. And if the Golem is slain it becomes gallons and gallons of booze. There is also a secret code word which when said will make the Golem dissolve back into a pile of alcohol. This code word is chosen by it's creator at the time it is made, and only works for him. 

Berserk (Ex): When a Booze Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Booze Golem goes berserk there is no known method of re establishing control.

Improved Grab (Ex): A Booze Golem that successfully hits with a Slam attack can immediately make a Grapple check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it succeeds it can use it's Engulf attack on any opponent 1 Size Class smaller than itself.

Engulf (Ex): Any living creature that requires air and that is Pinned successfully in a Grapple by a Engulf begins to drown (see DMG page 304). If it escapes drowning it risks becoming intoxicated (see below).

Intoxication (Ex): Each round a living, corporeal opponent is Engulfed it must make a Fortitude Save. DC of the Saving Throw is 10 plus half hit dice plus Constitution modifier, plus a Racial Bonus based on the type of alcohol the Golem is composed of (Ale, Diluted Spirits, or Wine +1/Fortified Wine or Stout Ale +2/Most Spirits +3/Strong Spirits +4/Dangerous Spirits +5). The opponent gains a cumulative -2 to the Saving Throw roll per round engulfed. If he fails he takes 1d2 temporary Dex and Wisdom damage each time the Saving Throw is failed. If Wisdom is reduced to 0 the opponent passes out. If Dexterity is reduced to 0 the opponent is helpless, but just barely conscious. If both go to 0, the opponent must make a second Fortitude Save (same DC) to avoid alcohol poisoning. If he fails he takes 1 temporary point of Con damage every 10 minutes until death, or his stomach is purged. Neutralize or Delay Poison will stop or delay this, and creatures immune to poison are immune to Intoxication. Once the encounter is over the opponent regains 1 point of Wisdom and Dexterity each hour, providing it consmes no more alcohol. Alcohol poisoning heals 1 point of Con per day as usual.

Immunity to Magic (Ex): A Booze Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows Spell Resistance. The exceptions are spells doing Fire or Cold damage. Spells doing Cold slow the Golem down as the Slow spell for 4 rounds (no Save). Fire spells cause it to explode if it fails a Fortitude Save(the explosion is similar to a Fireball spell cast by a 10th level caster). DC of Fort Save is equal to 10 plus 1 per die of damage the fire spell does.

Fluid Body (Ex): The Booze Golem can take a Full Round action to pass through any porous barrier (i.e. a fence or net, not a solid wall). At rest it appears to be a puddle of alcohol.

Combat: Booze Golems go straight for the Grapple, and when one opponent is stone drunk (or dead) they move on to the next.

Construction: A Booze Golem is made from 72 gallons of alcohol costing at least 1000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Animate Water, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 50000 GP; Cost 25000 GP + 1000 XP
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on December 03, 2008, 01:46:10 PM
What happens to this in cold weather?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on December 03, 2008, 04:19:30 PM
What happens to this in cold weather?
I'd think it would get a bonus to avoid freezing damage and a Slow effect (at somewhere around -10 degrees celcius, since pure alcohol has a freezing point of about -115 celcius, see here for a guide: http://cocktails.about.com/od/mixology/f/alcohol_freeze.htm (http://cocktails.about.com/od/mixology/f/alcohol_freeze.htm)) equal to its Racial composition-based bonus for Ale, Wine, Stout Ale, Most Spirits, Strong Spirits, or Dangerous Spirits.  For added fun, I could see a Booze Golem that makes its save vs freezing damage being able to absorb the cold and add cold damage to its attacks.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 04, 2008, 11:47:12 AM
What happens to this in cold weather?

It would probably depend on what alcohol it's made from.  The more potent the booze, the less likely it is to freeze.  My cousins in kentucky used to keep their homemade moonshine in the freezer and it stayed perfectly liquid.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Callix on December 04, 2008, 11:52:43 AM
I'm tempted to have someone just drink a Potion of Water Breathing, bind Naberius, shape Strongheart Vest and go swimming.

11/10. Distilled win.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on December 04, 2008, 11:59:43 AM
What happens to this in cold weather?

It would probably depend on what alcohol it's made from.  The more potent the booze, the less likely it is to freeze.  My cousins in kentucky used to keep their homemade moonshine in the freezer and it stayed perfectly liquid.
Now, take the potent booze that doesn't freeze and hit it with fire :D
You now have 2 subspecies(is that the right word for a construct?) of booze golem.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 04, 2008, 12:05:17 PM
Beholder Cyclops, Phobos
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 16d8+64 (136 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 23 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
22
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+16
Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye of Terror
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +7, Will +14
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 18, Int 18, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Intimidate +21, Knowledge (Dungeoneering) +23, Listen +21, Search +23, Spot +21, Survival +21
Feats: Ability Focus (Eye of Terror), Dodge, Flyby Attack, Hover,Improved Flyby Attack, Mobility
Environment: Underdark
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 13
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 17-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"So I hear Bob's been screaming non stop and running in circles the last hour since he ran out of that underground cave."

"Yup.  Apparently anything round just freaks him out."


The Phobos were designed as terror weapons after someone poached Slackbutt's notes in the confusion caused by the melee when the Hypnos took over the local area.  A somewhat more stable (but thoroughly evil) wizard named Belfast decided to work on creating something to scare people off from his citadel.  He wanted to then work on creating other Beholderkin bio weapons, but died from heart failure before getting the chance.  Confused and with nothing to really do, the newly minted Phobos escaped and ran riot through the countryside.  The Beholder nations put many of them down, but some escaped and now haunt the lonely places of the world.


Eye of Terror (Su): The Phobos' central eye generates an effect similar to a permanent Symbol of Fear (caster level is equal to Hit Dice), except there is no hit point limit.  If the Willpower Save is failed by 5 or more or the victim rolls a natural 1 (DC 22, Save DC is Charisma based), it suffers cardiac arrest taking 2d6 hit point damage (Damage Reduction doesn't apply), and 1d6 temporary Constitution damage.  The hit point damage is regained at the rate of 1 point per day unless healed magically (Fast Healing doesn't work, but Regeneration does).  If this damage puts the victim into negative hit points, it must make a Fortitude Save (also DC 22) or die.

Flight (Ex): A Phobos' body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: Phobos are surprisingly not so aggressive unless they're hungry.  They tend to frighten others, and then disappear.  If hungry they'll keep chasing their victims till they run off a cliff or suffer a heart attack.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 04, 2008, 12:43:37 PM
                     Atomic Golem
                      Huge Construct
Hit Dice:             45d10 (490)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          53 (-2 Size, +45 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 53
Base Attack/Grapple:  +33/+58
Attack:               Slam +48 melee (4d8+17 plus radiation)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +48 melee (4d8+17 plus radiation)
Space/Reach:          20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Radioactive, Atomic Breath, Atomic Smite
Special Qualities:    Spawn of the Atom, Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 15/-, Dark Vision 60', Immunity to Magic, Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +20, Ref +20, Will +21
Abilities:            Str 45, Dex 10, Con -, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 1
Skills:               -
Feats:                -
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary (possibly Unique)
Challenge Rating:     22?
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          46-60 HD (Gargantuan), 61-75 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"How do we stop that thing Bob?"

"I'm sorry Zeke, I couldn't hear you over the sound of me crapping myself.  Could you repeat that?"

The Atomic Golem is a unique being composed of unknown metals and substances.  it has never been destroyed, but is often imprisoned or somehow sent away (i.e. gated to another plane).  Somehow the damn thing keeps coming back.  It's like a giant, poison Energizer Bunny.  It keeps on going.  The Golem appears to have gone Berserk at some point in it's past and upon awakening or entering a plane it just starts smashing everything in sight.  If it goes for long periods of time with nothing to smash it will go comatose.  What exact circumstances will wake it up are unknown.  The Atomic Golem is a metal figure standing almost 30 feet tall and weighing over 16 tons.  If it can communicate, it does not appear inclined to do so.

Radioactive (Ex): The Atomic Golem is made of radioactive materials.  Anything struck by it's Fists must make a DC 32 Fortitude Save or permanently lose 1d4 Constitution Damage.  Anything grappling or grappled by it must make a DC 32 Fortitude Save or take the same Con damage.  Anything coming within 120' of the Golem must make a DC 32 Fortitude Save the initial round, at 1 minute, and at 10 minutes.  If the opponent fails at 1 round he takes 1d2 permanent Con damage.  If the opponent fails at 1 minute he takes another 1d2 permanent Con damage.  If the opponent fails at 10 minutes it takes 1d4 permanent Constitution damage.  Save DC is Constitution based.  The permanent Con damage can be healed by Greater Restoration or Heal.  Any area in which the Atomic Golem rests for more than 10 minutes (or uses its Atomic Smite/Breath abilities) becomes radioactive itself. This has the following effects: A 30' Radius from where the Golem was resting (or standing when it used its abilities) becomes mildly radioactive for 1d6 centuries. Anything living entering the area must make a DC 12 Fortitude Save or lose 1d4 Con.  It must make this save 1 round after entering, and again each hour it is there.

Atomic Breath (Su): Once per day the Atomic Golem can unleash a blast of Radiation.  This is a 70' Cone.  Anything in it's area of effect must make a DC 32 Fortitude Save or permanently lose 1d6 Constitution.  Save DC is Constitution Based. Damage may be healed by Greater Restoration or heal.

Atomic Smite (Su): Once per day the Atomic Golem can unleash a devastating charge of radiation through its fist.  The Atomic Smite requires the opponent to make a DC 32 Fortitude Save or permanently lose 2d4 Con instead of 1d4.  The attack also gains a +4 Bonus to hit and damage.

Spawn of the Atom (Ex): Due to it's nature the Atomic Golem has maximum hit points per hit die. It also gains a +5 Racial Bonus to all Saving Throws and Initiative checks.  It is immune to Radiation.  Exposure to Severely Irradiated areas actually grants the Golem Fast Healing 10 as long as it stays there.

Immunity to Magic (Ex): The Atomic Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows
spell resistance. 

Combat:  The Atomic Golem doesn't require much in the way of tactics due to it's radioactivity.  It simply walks towards any opponent and begins flailing at ti with it's fists.  If there are large numbers of opponents it will use it's Atomic Breath, and if one is particularly troublesome it will use it's Atomic Smite.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: archangel.arcanis on December 04, 2008, 11:50:13 PM
these are awesome incarnate. though atomic golem has spawn of the atom twice, with slightly different descriptions.

Atomic reminded me of the tarasque and the first Oni from Rokugan. In an oriental game i ran i had the oni and T fight, now i want to see a 3 way battle with Big A.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 05, 2008, 12:18:37 PM
Fixed the Spawn of the Atom problem.  Thanks for pointing that out.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 05, 2008, 03:23:54 PM
Poop Golem
                      Large Construct
Hit Dice:             10d10+30 (85 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class:          22 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +14 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 22
Base Attack/Grapple:  +7/+18
Attack:               Slam +13 melee (2d6+7 plus Foulness)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +13 melee (2d6+7 plus Foulness)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Berserk, Unbegotten Foulness, Disturbing Presence, Improved Grab, Smother
Special Qualities:    Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 10/Adamantine and Bludgeoning, Dark Vision 60', low Light Vision, Immunity to Magic
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +3, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 25, Dex 8, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills:               --
Feats:                --
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary or Latrine (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     8
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          11-20 HD (Large), 21-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"We...are NOT...fighting that.  I don't care what the General threatened us with."

The origin of the Poop Golem is largely unknown.  They have appeared in several Dwarf/Elven conflicts on both sides, and the origin was assumed to be with them.  The Dwarves claim the Elves are too lazy to do mundane matters such as dig latrines, so they animate their waste to wreak havoc on the Dwarven lines.  The Elves have countered this claim by stating that Elves do not, in fact, poop.  The Dwarven legions response was to refer to the Elves as "a bunch of fruity, lying bastards".  Despite claims by either side, the Golems seem to attack both sides at random, meaning there is likely a third race at work.  Probably Gnomes.  Can't trust them Gnomes.  No sir.


Berserk (Ex): Each round it is in combat there is a 1% chance the Golem goes berserk.  It will attack the nearest living creature, or smash smaller objects each round until nothing is left before moving on to continue the destruction.  There is no known method of reestablishing control once the Golem is Berserk.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Golem succeeds with a Slam attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity.  It will then usually Pin it's victim, or Smother if it's small enough.

Smother (Ex): If the Golem successfully Grapples an opponent at least 2 Size Classes smaller than itself it may Smother them with a successful Grapple check.  Each round it maintains the Grapple  causes the victim to Suffocate (See DMG page 304).

Unbegotten Foulness (Ex): Poop Golems smell so bad that any living creature within 60' must make a DC 20 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Con based with a +5 Racial Bonus) or be Nauseated as long as they remain within 60' of the Golem and for 1d6 rounds thereafter.  A successful Save means the victim is only Sickened instead.  If the Golem successfully strikes or Grapples an opponent they will be required to make another Save each time, and it will stink for 1d6 days afterwards (during this time it automatically fails all Hide checks, cannot use Scent if it has the ability, and anything tracking t by Scent has a +8 Circumstance Bonus on the rolls) whether the Save is made or not. If the victim has Scent it will be Sickened until this effect wears off.  Opponents with Scent take a -4 Circumstance Penalty on Saves against this ability.

Disturbing Presence (Ex): Massive amounts of vermin roam over the golem and swarm the air around it.  Anyone within 10' of the Golem must make a DC 15 Willpower Save or be Nauseated for 1 round as they get bitten and crawled upon (Save DC is Con based).  Spellcasting or concentrating on spells requires a Concentration Check (DC 20 plus spells level), and using skills  requiring patience and concentration requires a DC 20 Concentration check.  In addition if the first Save is failed the victim must make a second DC 15 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based with a +5 Racial Bonus) or be Shaken for 2d6 rounds.  If either Save is successful the victim is immune to this Golems Disturbing Presence for 24 hours.

Immunity To Magic (Ex): Poop Golems are immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows Spell Resistance.

Combat: Poop Golems always go for the Grapple.  Always.  It's like they know you hate that option the most.


Construction: A Poop Golem is made from 600 pounds of feces treated with alchemical compounds costing at least 100 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Contagion, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 50000 GP; Cost 25000 GP + 1000 XP
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on December 05, 2008, 06:09:58 PM
Foulness needs a save penalty for any creature with Scent.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 06, 2008, 11:03:23 AM
Fixed.  Also added Construction, which I will revise
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on December 06, 2008, 02:52:08 PM
Also suggested that the Organisation section includes 2-3 swarms, concealed within the golem's um, material. With the Latrine consisting of a veritable cloud of them.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: archangel.arcanis on December 08, 2008, 04:12:40 PM
well BHU your creations are pretty spot on.  I used both the turtles and the Gunpowder golem against my group friday night. Gunpowder didn't live up to its potential because our resident pyromanic didn't have any way to set it on fire, but the turtles made them have to work for a victory.  The high AC on them and low attack made this battle take a while (about 2.5 hrs real time) and drained our spell casters of every spell they had.  I so plan on using some more of these thing as my party levels just to see their reaction, i'm so gona use the bimbo and a succubus in the same town and let there be a terf war for the who is the biggest whore.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 09, 2008, 11:49:01 AM
well BHU your creations are pretty spot on.  I used both the turtles and the Gunpowder golem against my group friday night. Gunpowder didn't live up to its potential because our resident pyromanic didn't have any way to set it on fire, but the turtles made them have to work for a victory.  The high AC on them and low attack made this battle take a while (about 2.5 hrs real time) and drained our spell casters of every spell they had.  I so plan on using some more of these thing as my party levels just to see their reaction, i'm so gona use the bimbo and a succubus in the same town and let there be a terf war for the who is the biggest whore.


Wait'll i upload my various small furry critters of doom  :evillaugh
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: archangel.arcanis on December 09, 2008, 04:12:37 PM
well BHU your creations are pretty spot on.  I used both the turtles and the Gunpowder golem against my group friday night. Gunpowder didn't live up to its potential because our resident pyromanic didn't have any way to set it on fire, but the turtles made them have to work for a victory.  The high AC on them and low attack made this battle take a while (about 2.5 hrs real time) and drained our spell casters of every spell they had.  I so plan on using some more of these thing as my party levels just to see their reaction, i'm so gona use the bimbo and a succubus in the same town and let there be a terf war for the who is the biggest whore.


Wait'll i upload my various small furry critters of doom  :evillaugh

my party will hate you forever  ;)  I love these great ideas you came up with and it will allow me to play an character concept i have yet to be able to do as well.  My mindflayer that prefers the brains of other mindflayers. He wants to eventually eat an elder brain.  With your flayers i can start as a child and/or play one that can get away with not eating every villager in sight.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 10, 2008, 03:10:29 PM
Pan-Da
Medium Fey
Hit Dice: 5d6+6 (23 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 40’ (8 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+1 Dex, + 4 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/ +6
Attack: Claw + 6 melee (1d4+4)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +6 melee (1d4+4) and 1 Bite +1 melee ( 1d6+2)
Space Reach: 5’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Pipes, Spell Like Abilities
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 5/Cold Iron, low-light vision, Wild Empathy,
Spell Resistance 15
Saves: Fort: +3, Ref + 5, Will + 5
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 13, Con 14, Int 15, Wis 13, Cha 18
Skills: Bluff + 8, Climb +8, Concentration + 6, Diplomacy +8, Handle Animal + 8,
Heal +5, Hide +5, Intimidate +8, Knowledge (Nature) + 6, Listen + 6, Move
Silently + 5, Search + 6, Sense Motive +8, Spellcraft +6, Spot + 5, Survival + 5
Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Self-Sufficient
Environment: Temperate Forests
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 3 without pipes, 5 with??
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 6-7 HD (Medium), 8-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: --

"Stop me if you've heard this one..."

"NO MORE PUNS!!!"

"Well fine Mr. Touchy Wizard, I just guess I'll settle for doing things to you while your sleeping."

The Pan-Da appears to be a large slightly anthropomorphic panda with short stubby horns (or moose antlers), carrying reed pipes. Some even have cloven hooves for feet. They are whimsical forest guardians, preferring bamboo or pine forests to all others. Approached respectfully (or if offered wine or honey) they can be excellent guides and helpers. Otherwise your in deep trouble as it decides to spend all it's time pulling pranks on you or telling bad puns until you wish for death.  They stand about 6' tall, weighing in at 350 pounds, and speak Common and Sylvan.

Pipes (Su): The pipes carried by Pan-Da are identical to those carried by Satyrs.

Spell Like Abilities (Sp): The Panda casts spells from the Bard list, but his spells per day are those of a 5th level Sorcerer. Instead of spells they are considered spell like abilities.

Wild Empathy (Ex): This is identical to the Druid class feature, except the Pan-Da has a +6 Racial Bonus on the roll.

Combat: Pan-Da's usually avoid combat, using their Pipes or spells to lead opponents into trouble. However should this fail they have no problem wading in and beating the unholy crap out of individuals. Groups are another matter....groups they pick at one by one from the cover of the forest.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 11, 2008, 01:02:10 PM
Beholder Cyclops, Necros
Large Undead
Hit Dice: 16d12 (104 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 23 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
22
Base Attack/Grapple: +8/+13
Attack: Bite +9 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +9 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye of Death
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight, Undead Traits
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +7, Will +12
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con -, Int 18, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Intimidate +21, Knowledge (Arcane, Dungeoneering, Religion) +23, Listen +21, Search +23, Spot +21, Survival +21
Feats: Ability Focus (Eye of Death), Improved Turn Resistance, Lifesense, Necromantic Might, Necromantic Presence, Positive Energy Resistance *
Environment: Underdark
Organization: Solitary, plus 4 Wraiths
Challenge Rating: 13
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 17-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

* Feats not from the MM are from Libris Mortis

"Burt...I think that big eyeball is dead Burt.  We don't really gotta go near it do we?."

After his death, Belfast's belongings were auctioned off on the "insane megalomaniacal wizard" market, and a young necromancer named Blort got his notes on the Phobos.  Blort wasn't exceptionally wise.  Book smart yes, but not very wise.  He decided on making a cyclops with a Death Ray eye so he could slay the locals and raise them all as servants.  Unfortunately his experiments kept dying.  So he decided to experiment with raising them as a unique form of Undead.  It was a lot more successful, but his new lab rats weren't too keen on their new condition, or on him.  Blort was the first of their new servants.  The Beholder Nations responded quickly as usual and razed the local area to the ground.  Blorts notes were gone, they'd killed most of the Necros, and Blort himself was now an undead monster with no hope of making more of his absurd creations.  Unfortunately for the Beholders, evil cultist worshippers of some gibbering demon thing Resurrected Blort, and they now hold his secrets after torturing them out of him (and promptly killing him again).

Eye of Death(Su): Once every 1d4 rounds the Necros can fire a blast of Necromantic energy from it's eye.  This takes the form of a 150' Cone, and everything in it is subjected to a Finger of Death spell (DC 22 Willpower Save). 

Spawn Servants (Su): Anything killed by the Eye of Death effect rises as a Wraith the next day under the Necros' control.

Flight (Ex): A Necros' body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: Necros rely upon their Eye of Death.  If opponents seem immune to it and ambush by the Necros' undead servants, it will flee.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 11, 2008, 01:10:30 PM
Fairy Shrimp
Tiny Fey
Hit Dice: 1d6+1 (4 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 20’ Swim, 40’ Flying (good)
Armor/Class: 20 (+4 Size, + 2 Natural, +4 Dex), touch 18, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: + 0/ - 11
Attack: Nip –3 melee (1d3-3)
Space/Reach: 2 ½ '/ 0’
Special Attacks: Spell Like Abilities
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 5/ Cold Iron, low-light vision, Amphibious,
Spell Resistance 17
Saves: Fort +1, Ref + 6, Will + 3
Abilities: Str 5, Dex 18, Con 13, Int 10, Wis 13, Cha 16
Skills: Bluff +7, Diplomacy +7, Hide + 16, Intimidate +7, Knowledge (Arcana)
+4, Spot + 5
Feats: Dodge
Environment: Warm Marshes
Organization: Solitary or Swarm (10 to 40)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 2-3 HD (small), 4-6 HD (Medium), 7-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: -


"Leroy?"

"Whut Jebediah?"

We had too much Shine? Or is thuh Crawdaddies floating 'round us on wings?"

"Naw.  Naw they's flyin'."

Fairy Shrimp appear to be delicate shrimp like beings with butterfly or dragonfly wings. They haunt pools and rivers and wetlands in abundance, considering themselves protectors of the bayous. Granted their idea of protection is just annoying outsiders until they leave, but if it's effecteive you run with what you're good at. They speak Common and Sylvan.

Spell Like Abilities (Sp): Fairy Shrimp can cast spells as a Sorcerer equal to their Hit Dice. Instead of spells they are spell like abilities, making them somewhat more formidable (if they're older).

Combat: Fairy Shrimp rarely resort to combat, harrying their opponents with spells as a group instead. They tend to specialize in Conjuration, Divination, Enchantment, and Illusion.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 11, 2008, 01:17:08 PM

Dire Nymph
Medium Fey
Hit Dice: 8d6+20 (48 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), swim 15 ft.
Armor Class: 17 (+1 Dex, +2 Deflection, +2 natural armor), touch 13, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+12
Attack: Club + 8 melee (1d8+4/19-20)
Full Attack: Club +8 melee (1d8+4/19-20)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Fury, Spell-like abilities, Stunning Glance
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 10/ cold iron, low-light vision, powerful build,
Unusual grace, wild empathy
Saves: Fort + 8, Ref + 9, Will + 11
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 12, Con 18, Int 16, Wis 17, Cha 15
Skills: Concentration +11, Climb +10, Diplomacy +8, Handle Animal +11, Heal +12,
Hide + 10, Intimidate +6, Listen +12, Move Silently +10, Ride +8, Sense Motive +12, Spot
+12, Swim +10, Use Rope +6
Feats: Combat Casting, Power Attack, Improved Bull Rush, Cleave
Environment: Temperate Forests
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 8??
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Good
Advancement: 11-13 HD (Medium), 14-18 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: +6

"Wow you are wicked hot for a bigger woman"

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME FAT!?!?!?!"

"Uuuuhh...no I uh...I said you were hot.."

"YOU BETTER LEARN TO RUN _____"

Dire Nymphs were formerly Nymph's of exceptional beauty. Eventually some ticked off a god or some other powerful entity who cursed them to become more....buxom (for lack of a better term). With their newly gained weight the Nymph's were no longer able to blind opponents with their beauty and many became suicidal. Others became inexplicably frisky, and many new Dire Nymphs were created. In any event most Dire Nymphs left their seclusion and headed for more urban areas. They were quickly nicknamed "Pudgy" Nymphs by the less wise (who were promptly beaten within an inch of their lives). Nowadays they are rarely referred to as Nymphs in their presence (many going out of their way to find as polite as euphemism as they can). Dire Nymphs appear to be regular Nymphs plus 10 or 20 pounds.  They speak Common and Sylvan.

Fury(Ex): If a Dire Nymph is in any way referred to as fat, unattractive, or feels insulted (and they insult easily) or is hurt or in combat she goes into a Fury. This is similar to the Barbarian Rage and lasts as long and has the same restrictions. But instead of the standard ability adjustments the Nymph gains the following: Immune to Confused, Dazed, Dazzled, Fatigued, Fear, Nauseated, Paralysis, Sickened, Staggered, Stunned, and all Mind Affecting effects. She also is immune to pain and takes no penalties from spells like Symbol of Pain.

Stunning Glance (Su):An angry Dire Nymph may stun a creature within 30 feet with a look. It must make a DC 16 Fort save or be Stunned for 2d4 rounds. Save DC is Charisma based.

Spell Like Abilities (Sp):A Dire Nymph casts spells as a 9th level Druid. Typical Druid spells prepared (6/5/5/4/2/1, Save DC is 13 plus spell level). 0=Detect Magic, Guidance x3, Resistance x2. 1=Jump, Foundation of Stone, Longstrider, Ram's Might, Shillelagh. 2=Barkskin, Bear's Strength, Bull's Endurance, Mountain Stance, Spider Climb. 3=Lion's Charge, Thunderous Roar, Tremor. 4=Essence of the Raptor, Spark of Vitality. 5=Stoneskin.

Powerful Build (Ex): Identical to the racial ability listed in page 12 of the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

Unusual Grace (Su):A Dire Nymph adds her Charisma bonus to her Saves and as a Deflection Bonus to her Armor Class.

Wild Empathy(Ex): This works like the Druids class feature except the Dire Nymph has a +6 racial bonus on the check.

Combat: Dire Nymph's usually buff themselves as much as possible before combat if they know it's coming. Unless the Fury takes them. Then they tend to simply go berserk and wade into the fight.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 15, 2008, 09:49:02 AM
Beholder Cyclops, Somnos
Large Undead
Hit Dice: 16d12 (104 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 23 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
22
Base Attack/Grapple: +8/+13
Attack: Bite +9 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +9 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye of Sleep
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight, Undead Traits
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +6, Will +12
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 12, Con -, Int 15, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Knowledge (Arcane) +21, Listen +21, Move Silently +16, Search +21, Spot +21, Survival +21
Feats: Ability Focus (Eye of Sleep), Dodge, Fly-By Attack, Hover, Improved Flyby Attack, Mobility
Environment: Underdark
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 12
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 17-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Burt...is that Beholder asleep?  I think we can take it Burt.  Burt?"

The Sons of the Sleeping Spider had a problem.  Honesty.  They tended to introduce themselves in ways that weren't conductive to business as usual for a demonic cult ("Hi.  Were from the Sons of the Sleeping Spider on fourth street.  We're here to steal your money and violate your daughters. And maybe kill your pets cause it's just so wrong.").  Finding out about Blort and torturing his secrets out of him was a windfall for the cult and they quickly set to work on making a Beholder Cyclops of their own.  Of all the possibilities they could have tried they went for the Sleep Eye, because it seemed thematically appropriate.  And because they were doofuses.  The inevitable Beholder community reaction was swift, and they stole all the cults notes themselves this time, finally (yeah, right) ensuring that there would be no more Beholder Cyclops.

Eye of Sleep(Su): The Somnos' central eye continually radiates the effects of a Symbol of Sleep, except it has no Hit Dice limit (DC 22 Willpower Save). Creatures immune to sleep are Dazed for 1 round instead.  The Somnos itself is immune to sleep, and cannot be affected even by other Somnos. 

Flight (Ex): A Somnos' body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: Somnos' usually try to sneak within range so their eye can zap opponents, before biting into one and fleeing before repeating this pattern in an attempt to pick people off slowly.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 15, 2008, 12:21:01 PM
Habanero Dryad
Medium Fey
Hit Dice: 4d6 (14 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+ 4 Dex, +1 natural), touch 14, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/ +2
Attack: Dagger +6 melee (1d4/19-20) or Grapple +6 melee, or Pepper Spray +6 ranged
Full Attack: Dagger +6 melee (1d4/19-20) or Grapple +6 melee, or Pepper Spray +6 Ranged
Space/Reach: 5’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Improved Grapple, Pepper Spray, Spell-like Abilities, Spicy Grapple
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 5/cold iron, plant dependent, wild empathy
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +8, Will +6
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 19, Con 11, Int 14, Wis 15, Cha 18
Skills: Escape Artist +11, Handle Animal +11, Hide +11, Knowledge (Nature) +11,
Listen +9, Move Silently +11, Ride +6, Spot +9, Survival +9, Use Rope +4
Feats: Great Fortitude, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm Forests
Organization: Solitary or group (4-7)
Challenge Rating: 4?
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: -


"Hey baby you wanna night of warm lovin'?"

"How is it I always get the missions involving Dryads?"

"Cause of that incident in Bogonia where you were caught with the Lord's sister."

"SHE FORCED HERSELF ON ME DAMMIT!! How was I supposed to know she was man crazy?"

"Y'know if you weren't such a big manly Paladin I might actually believe that..."

Habanero Dryads appear similar to normal Dryads except their hair is leafy and their skin is green instead of wooden (the exception being their bosoms which are a bright orange. And like most brightly colored things this is nature's way of saying stay away monkey boy). Instead of being linked to a tree they are linked to a Habanero bush. This gives them some minor protection as some cultures value the Habanero for food, and virtually no animals want to eat them. Unfortunately for the local populace they will soon find out that Habanero Dryads are far more frisky than regular ones, and they're always on the hunt for a decent looking humanoid male. To the detriment of the aforementioned humanoid male, virtually all bodily fluids of the Dryad contain capsaicin, the chemical that makes peppers hot. Embracing one, let alone carrying it any further, has it's perils. Habanero Dryads speak Common, Elven, and Sylvan.

Improved Grapple (Ex): Habanero Dryads are experts at grabbing onto and hugging recalcitrant humans. They may make grapple attemps without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Pepper Spray (Ex): Once per round as a standard action a Habanero Dryad can hock a loogie at anyone within 20 feet. This is a ranged attack, and if it is successfult the victim must make a DC 12 Fortitude Save or be Blinded for 1d4 rounds. If the Dryad confirms a critical hit, the victim does not get a save.

Spicy Grapple (Ex): Habanero Dryads can sweat capsaicin at will. While grappling a victim they work it into his skin as much as possible. In addition to regular grppling damage, a victim must make a DC 12 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based) each round it is in the grapple or be Dazed for 1 round, and Sickened for the duration of the Grapple and 1d4 rounds thereafter. The Save DC is +4 if the victim is lightly clothed or naked. Prolonged exposure (more than 10 rounds) causes actual chemical burns doing 2 points of acid damage a round thereafter. If the Grapple check is a natural 20, roll again as if confirming a critical hit. If successful the Dryad has worked the stuf into her opponents eyes, blinding him for 1d6 rounds if he fails a DC 12 Fortitude Save, and for 1 round if he makes it (Save DC is Fortitude based).

Plant Dependent (Su): The Habanero Dryad is mystically bound to her pepper bush and can't stray more than 300 yards from it. Those who do become ill and die within 4d6 hours. The bush does not radiate magic.

Spell Like Abilities (Sp): Same as regular Dryad.

Wild Empathy (Ex): This power works like the Druids class feature, except that the Dryad has a +6 Racial bonus on the check.

Combat: Similar to most Dryads really. They use their spell like abilities to charm potential problems. Or they spit pepper juice in their eyes and grapple till they give up.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 16, 2008, 12:33:21 PM
Cactus Dryad
Medium Fey
Hit Dice: 4d6+12 (26 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/+3
Attack: Fist +4 melee (1d4+1d6+1)
Full Attack: 2 Fists +4 melee (1d4+1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spell-Like Abilities, Thornskin
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 5/Cold Iron, Cold Vulnerability, Cactus Dependent, Immune to Heat, Wild Empathy
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +7
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 14, Wis 17, Cha 16
Skills: Handle Animal +3, Hide +2, Intimidate +3, Knowledge (Nature) +2, Listen +3, Move Silently +2, Sense Motive +3, Spot +3, Survival +3
Feats: Improved Toughness, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm Deserts
Organization: Solitary, or Clsuter (4-7)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: -

Dryad: "Soooooo...Mr. Paladin..."
Paladin: "Look, I do't want any trouble. I'm just here to collect the artifact I need for my quest. Are you ladies gonna give it to me, or....?"

(Insert Mass Giggling)

Dryad 2: "Oh, we're gonna give it to you allright.."
Paladin: "This is why I've never liked fey. No respect for the Law."
Dryad: "Give the girls a chance. They're a teensy upset cause they haven't had any dates in a while."
Paladin: "Madam in defense of my gender, you're covered in sticky needles."
Dryad: "And you can be too if you want..."
Paladin: "Just give me the artifact."
Dryad: "And what do we get in return? A woman has needs you know."
Paladin: "Woman???"
Dryad: "Yes, woman. Y'know me."
Paldin "YOU'RE A PLANT!!"
Dryad: "Look your getting needled one way or the other. Just cooperate and it'll be quicker."
Paladin: I am SO telling Pelor about this."

Cactus Dryads are similar to regular Dryads except they're tied to a Cactus as opposed to a tree. They're quite lonely living all alone out in the desert by themselves. Much information can be gotten from them by simply chatting with them. Except for attractive men. They have...a more difficult time.
Cactus Dryads are green-skinned women covered in cactus needles.  Cactus Dryads speak Common, Elven, and Sylvan.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At will Briar Web (DC:15), Camouflage, Speak With Plants
3/day: Critical Strike, Forestfold, Quill Blast (DC:18)
1/day: Dehydrate (DC:16)

Caster Level 6, Save DC's are Wisdom based. All spells not listed in the PHB should be in the Spell Compendium.

Thornskin (Ex): Cactus Dryads do +1d6 piercing damage with their fists or grapples. Anyone striking them with an unarmed strike or natural wepaon, or grappling them takes 5 points of piercing damage.

Cactus Dependent (Su): This is the same as the standard Dryad's Tree Dependency, except it involves a cactus (see page 90 of the Monster Manual).

Wild Empathy (Ex): This power works like the Druid's Wild Empathy Class Feature except the Dryad has a +6 Racial Bonus on the check.

Combat: Generally the Dryads will Camouflage themselves and Hide. If the opponents are close they'll cast Critical Strike and try to surprise them, if not they'll use Quill Blast. Or Briar Web and then Dehydrate.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 16, 2008, 12:40:12 PM

                      Seaweed Dryad
                      Medium Fey (aquatic)
Hit Dice:             4d6+8 (22 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                Swim 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (+5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+6
Attack:               Grapple +6 (Grapple)
Full Attack:          Grapple +6 (Grapple)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spell-Like Abilities, Improved Grab, Constrict (2d3+8)
Special Qualities:    Damage Reduction 5/Cold Iron, Seaweed Dependent
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 19, Dex 10, Con 14, Int 15, Wis 11, Cha 18
Skills:               Escape Artist +7, Hide +14, Knowledge (Nature) +9, Listen +7, Move Silently +11, Spot +7, Survival +7, Swim +19
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Skill Focus (Hide)
Environment:          Warm or Temperate Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary, or
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:     --


"So...come here often sailor?"
"Pelor give me strength."
"We're more interested in your Endurance actually."

Seaweed Dryads appear as greenish women with dreadlocks made of seaweed.  They are sometimes a little friendlier to sailors than land Dryads are to people, but they are somewhat deadlier as well.  Even the animals leave them alone.  Not so much because they're more powerful, they're just more willing to do some damage.  Seaweed Dryads speak Common, Elven, and Sylvan.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): Caster Level 6, Save DC's are Wisdom based.
At will: Entangle (DC 11), Kelpstrand, Speak With Plants
3/day: Water Breathing, Charm Person (DC 11), Commune With Nature
1/day: Suggestion (DC 13)
Spells not in the PHB may be found in the Spell Compendium.

Improved Grab (Ex):  The Seawead Dryad may make a Grapple attempt without provoking attacks of opportunity.

Constrict(Ex): The Seaweed Dryad does 2d3+8 with a successful Grapple check.

Seaweed Dependent (Su): This is the same as the Tree Dependent ability regular Dryads have (see MM page 90-91), except instead of a tree it's a patch of seaweed.

Skills: A Seaweed Dryad has a +4 Racial Bonus to Hide and Move Silently checks (Hide Bonus increases to +8 in seaweed) and a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim checks.  they may always take 10 on a Swim check, and may use the Run Action while swimming in a straight line.

Combat: Seaweed Dryads usually lure surface dwellers in for a kiss promising them use of their Water Breathing spell.  Then they Grapple.  If a Grapple wont bring them down they'll try spells, or whatever weapon they may have found.  Usually they hide if they think they can't confront someone.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 17, 2008, 10:36:47 AM
ORC AMAZONS

(http://Picture URL if you have one)
   
"The red headed Dwarf is mine."

 Once upon a time an Orc tribe was uprooted from it's ancestral home.  It journeyed across the world looking for a new place, growing smaller as it went due to attrition.  The men insisted on constantly fighting to get what the tribe needed or wanted, and it cost them many lives.  Eventually they came upon an idol in the jungle that spoke to them, and claimed to be a deity.  Surprisingly it actually was a deity as opposed to some poseur Outsider who wanted to fool with a band of refugees.  By this time they were down to a handful of women and children (all female), and one old male Orc who was on his last legs.  The deity vowed to help and support the tribe, and make it prosper if they accepted it.  The Orcs agreed after some conversation.  After all what had Gruumsh done for them?  They were exiled and all their men dead.  Plus in Orc society they'd always been property anyway. 

So they accepted the Deity's offer, and she revealed herself as a Female Orc named Tealeaf.  They were however perplexed at how they were going to prosper with no men.  Tealeaf showed them how to make the first Dating Clubs, and told them to go forth from the Jungle to the nearby humanoid settlements and "convince" other humanoid men a nights work was in their best interest.  This has led to the Amazons being a rather odd looking bunch of Orcs, but their mixed blood certainly has some advantages.

ORC AMAZON RACIAL TRAITS
·   +2 Constitution, -2 to one stat of your choice. (Please note that this is not a template to be added to an Orc, these are the stats that will be used).
·   Size Class: Medium
·   Type: Humanoid with the Orc subtype, and any one other humanoid subtype (elf, human, goblinoid, reptilian, etc.).  If a PrC requires a particular Racial Subtype that you have, you may qualify for that class (i.e. you may become a Dwarven Defender if Dwarf is your other Racial Subtype).
·   Base speed: 30 ft.
·   Dark Vision 60 ft.
·   Racial Impurities: When using a magical item/effect that gives penalties to one of your Racial Subtypes, or if someone is using a magic item/effect against you that gains a bonus against one of your Racial Subtypes you can make a Use Magic Item check as an Immediate Action.  If you can beat a DC 20, you do not count as that Racial Subtype for 1 hour.  You gain the benefits of any item that provides them to one of your racial subtypes as normal.
·   The Orc Amazons have a +4 Racial Bonus on Survival checks.
·   Automatic and Bonus languages: The Orc Amazons automatically speak Orc and Common.  Bonus languages depend on where they live, and are generally those of neighboring races.
·   Favored Class: Any class with Survival as a Class skill, the player must choose 1 class at creation and this is the Amazon's Favored Class.

STARTING AGE
 Adulthood: 14
 Barbarian, Rogue, Sorcerer: +1d4
 Bard, Fighter, Paladin, Ranger: +1d6
 Cleric, Druid, Monk, Wizard: +2d6

AGING EFFECTS
 Middle Age: 30
 Old: 45
 Venerable: 60
 Maximum Age: +2d10 years


HEIGHT AND WEIGHT  
 Base Height: 4'5"
 Height Modifier: +2d12
 Base Weight: 110 lbs
 Weight Modifier: x2d6

ORC AMAZON CHARACTERS
 If the group needs a gung-ho, take no prisoners skirmisher, the Amazon is your girl.  Most will multiclass enough to be capable outside of combat as well.  Many make great soldiers, scouts, or saboteurs.
 Adventuring Race: Orc Amazons go on adventures for many reasons.  Some are bored.  Some want to be rich or famous.  Some don't think highly of the local men and want a decent husband/pet.
 Character Development: Amazons will tend to be self sufficient, so classes that have many skill points are the ones they tend to drift toward.  They are also fairly military minded after years of fighting to survive in the jungle, so combat classes  will also be a favorite.  Try making the best of your racial subtypes, as you may qualify for some pretty unusual mixes.
 Character Names: Names tend to be the same as any other Orcs but with a slight mix of first names from other cultures nearby.

ROLEPLAYING AN ORC AMAZON
 Exotic is the keyword here.  You're pretty unusual to say the least.  Many people will be attracted to you, or repelled based on that simple fact.  Your life will be made difficult by it, but it will bring moments of opportunity because of it as well.  You intend to make the best of those opportunities, while minimizing the fallout from the bad times.
 Personality: For Orcs the Amazons are pretty darn open and inviting.  Men are okay as long as they aren't attractive in some manner (i.e. one of the Amazons believes they'd be good breeding stock).  Attractive men get whacked over the head and dragged off a lot.  The Amazons tend to be unapologetic about this saying most men enjoy the aftermath so whats a few headshots between friends.  If said male is attached to someone, the Amazon will try to get her permission first of course.  They are slightly condescending towards men as the memories of how their ancestors were treated still runs deep in the culture. 
 Behaviors: Amazons are quite opinionated, and often feel the need to express themselves whether they are asked to or not.  While this my seem like bickering to outsiders, the Amazons are used to it and there are no hard feelings.  Implying that they are somehow lesser because of their gender usually means you will have to fight, and they may not stop hitting once you go down either. But they are also loyal to a fault, always keep their word if it's possible, and never go out of their way to cause trouble (excpet of course for the aforementioned bit about misogyny).
 Language: Orc Amazons still speak Orc and Common.

ORC AMAZON SOCIETY
 Amazon society is pretty tribal.  They haven't advanced much past the iron age, and many of their advances have come from mixing with nearby races and assimilating their skills into the tribe.  Men who are particularly skilled at something the tribe needs are very prized, and have almost as much freedom as women.  Other men are treated pretty much as throwaway concubines who don't matter much, although sometimes romance does happen.  All Amazon women spend time in their military as memories of the old days often linger, and they have no wish to return to slavery or dependency.  Self sufficiency is a common goal of most Amazons, and many have several Knowledge, Profession, or Craft skills even if they can only take a few ranks in each.  Better to know a little something than nothing at all they believe.  Their military spends as much or more time on survival skills as it does actual combat training.  At this time their society is at a sort of impasse.  They'd like to do something, but don't know what.  They'd like to be more than what they are, but aren't sure of the best way to go about it.
 Alignment : Virtually all Amazons are Chaotic, and many are Neutral.  Good and Evil seem relatively equally represented.
 Lands : Most Orcish Amazons live in the jungles of their new homeland.
 Settlements : It's almost unheard of for Amazons to leave their homeland.  Even if they do, they still prefer to live in the jungle.
 Beliefs : Most Orc Amazons worship Tealeaf exclusively.  After all she gave them a life free from servitude to men, they get to kidnap men who do take their fancy, and they don't have to spend their entire lives fighting a largely pointless war for Gruumsh.
 Relations: Orcish Amazons usually relate to other races by whacking their menfolk over the head and stealing them.  They have developed a bit of an evil reputation as "those damn homebreakers from the jungle".  Granted they always return the (slightly exhausted but happy) men.  Of course their wives sometimes cause such a fuss they ask not to be taken back...There are no 'regular' Orcs in their vicinity, but if any migrated they would be appalled at what they found and likely make it their life's work to wipe out the Amazons.

ORC AMAZONS ADVENTURES
·   You asked a local human woman for the services of her husband for a night or so, and not only did she refuse she had you beaten and thrown out of town.  Obviously you must summon the sisters and teach them a lesson...
·   A local Medusa has been turning the menfolk into statues.  This cheeses you off as you now have no date for Saturday.  Obviously you must summon the sisters and teach her a lesson...
·   A Goliath has somehow seduced your daughter into running off into the hills and getting married. 
Unfortunate rumor has it that he is...deceptive.  Obviously you must summon the sisters and teach him a lesson...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 19, 2008, 11:43:31 AM
Big Spookity Kitty
Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 6d10+18 (51 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (+2 Size, +3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+16
Attack: Claw +14 melee (1d2+6)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +14 melee (1d2+6) and 1 Bite +9 melee (1d3+3)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Pounce, Rake 1d2+6, Mean Little Bastard
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Scent, Sassy, Dark Vision 60'
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +7, Will +3
Abilities: Str 23, Dex 15, Con 17, Int 8, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills: Balance +12, Climb +12, Hide +8, Jump +16, Listen +3, Move Silently +7, Spot +3
Feats: Anklebiter, Dodge, Improved Initiative
Environment: Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Family (3-5 plus 5-20 Little Spookity Kitties)
Challenge Rating: 3???
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 7-12 HD (Tiny), 13-18 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment: ----

"Aww, look at the lil kitties!!!"

Big Spookity Kitties were an experiment by a particularly loony mage who wanted intelligent guards that didn't stand out, but still had a punch. They appear to be ordinary housecats but for that little gleam in their eyes.  They understand common, but cannot speak.

Mean Little Bastard (Ex): Big Spookity Kitties do not take a Size penalty to Grapple checks.

Sassy (Ex): Big Spookity Kitties are immune to fear and morale effects.

Skills (Ex): Kitties have a +4 Racial Bonus on Climb, Hide, and Move Silently checks (hide bonus increases to +8 in tall grass or heavy undergrowth). They also have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance and Jump checks. And a +4 Racial Bonus to all Grapple checks.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Kitty hits with a bite or claw attack it may attempt a grapple chack as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If the grapple check succeeds it may use its Rake attack.

Combat: Kitties tend to enjoy stalking their prey and will use group tactics if they aren't on a solo hunt. Otherwise they are very straightforward, charging in and immediately attempting to set up a grapple so they can Rake their opponent into submission.


Little Spookity Kitty
Diminutive Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 3d10+6 (22 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+4 Size, +1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+10
Attack: Claw +10 melee (4 pts)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +10 melee (4 pts) and 1 Bite +5 melee (1d2+1)
Space/Reach: 1 ft./ 0 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Pounce, Rake (4 pts), Mean Little Bastard
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Scent, Sassy, Dark Vision 60'
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 16, Dex 12, Con 15, Int 4, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills: Balance +9, Climb +7, Hide +6, Jump +11, Listen +4, Move Silently +6, Spot +4
Feats: Anklebiter, Improved Initiative
Environment: Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Pack (5-20)
Challenge Rating: 2??
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 4-5 HD (Diminutive)
Level Adjustment: ----

"Awwwwww...look at the little teeny kitties.."

Little Spookity Kitties are Big Spookity Kitty kittens.

Mean Little Bastard (Ex): Kitties do not take a Size penalty to Grapple checks.

Sassy (Ex): Little Spookity Kitties are immune to fear and morale effects.

Skills (Ex): Kitties have a +4 Racial Bonus on Climb, Hide, and Move Silently checks (hide bonus increases to +8 in tall grass or heavy undergrowth). They also have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance and Jump checks. And a +4 Racial Bonus to all Grapple checks.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Kitty hits with a bite or claw attack it may attempt a grapple check as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If the grapple check succeeds it may use its Rake attack.

Combat: Pretty much just like the Big Spookity Kitties.




Little Spookity Kitty Swarm
Diminutive Magical Beast (Swarm)
Hit Dice: 18d10 +36 (135 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+4 Size, +1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +18/-
Attack: Swarm (4d6)
Full Attack: Swarm (4d6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./ 0 ft.
Special Attacks: Distraction
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Scent, Sassy, Dark Vision 60'. Swarm traits, Immune to Weapon Damage
Saves: Fort +13, Ref +13, Will +6
Abilities: Str 16, Dex 12, Con 15, Int 4, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills: Balance +9, Climb +8, Hide +9, Jump +11, Listen +6, Move Silently +9, Spot +6
Feats: Anklebiter, Improved Initiative
Environment: Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ----


"Ummm..why are those kitties lookin' at us like that Granpa?"

Sometimes Little Spookity Kitties are separated from their parents by death or misfortune. If not killed or raised by Druids as companions they form small prides and ambush prey.

Sassy (Ex): Spookity Kitties are immune to fear and morale effects.

Skills (Ex): Kitties have a +4 Racial Bonus on Climb, Hide, and Move Silently checks (hide bonus increases to +8 in tall grass or heavy undergrowth). They also have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance and Jump checks. And a +4 Racial Bonus to all Grapple checks.

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature that begins its turn with a swarm in its square must make a DC 21 Fortitude Save or be Nauseated for 1 round (Save is Constitution based).

Combat: Rush em and start tearing is the standard.  Not very tactical are kittens...



Anklebiter
You are well adjusted to attacking from below
 Prerequisites: Tiny Size Class or smaller
 Benefits: Normally with a Reach of 0 you would provoke an attack of opportunity when entering someone else's square.  But not in this case.  You're a special kitty who breaks that rule due to training.  You do not provoke an AoO from entering an opponents square.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 19, 2008, 12:03:36 PM
Sometimes the gods have a particularly odd sense of humor. Or perhaps they like to get drunk or stoned. In any event they seem to be responsible for cursing the occasional animal with Were-humanism. Under the light of the full moon these poor creatures become humans. This is not a pleasant experience for them, as slowly over the period of a month they become fully intelligent. But even though they have intelligence that doesn't immediately help them. Fish in the middle of the ocean or birds who are flying at a great height....usually don't enjoy their first transformation. Or survive it. Even animals that do survive the wilderness and learn to control their transformation over time have problems when discovered by people. They're naked, cant talk, and act like animals. Which means people think they are cursed (which is true) and find someone to dispel the curse (turning the Were Human into a normal, unintelligent animal again), burn them as witches in some sort of misunderstanding, or take them in and try to teach them to be people "again". This rarely works out well as the Were Human still has certain atavistic responses. Spiders are still tempted to eat their mates after um..mating. Sharks still view everything as food. Squirrels are obsessed with hoarding nuts. You get the idea.


Creating a Were Human

Were Human is an Acquired or Inherited template that can be added to any Animal or Vermin.

Size and Type: The base creatures type changes to Magical Beast, and it gains the Shapechanger subtype. Size in animal form is unchanged. Size in Human form is Medium. Size in Hybrid form is midway between the two. For example a Colossal Giant Spider would be Huge in its Hybrid form. (To make this easier assign each Size Class a number, add the 2 numbers and divide by 2 and round down. Fine:1, Diminutive:2, Tiny:3, etc.).

Hit Dice: Hit Dice become d10's now that the Were Human is a Magical Beast.

Speed: Land and Swim speed remains unchanged in all 3 forms. If the base creature has no land speed, the hybrid form has a land speed of 15. Flight speed is unavailable in Human form, and half normal in Hybrid form (maneuverability class is one worse than Animal form).

Armor Class: Remains unchanged in animal form. Natural armor bonus is half normal (round up) in Hybrid form, and +0 in human form.

Attack: Base Attack Bonus now becomes +1 per Hit Die. The Were Human retains all natural attacks in Hybrid and Animal forms (although the damage of the attacks in it's Hybrid form may be modified due to the change in Size, see page 291 of the Monster manual). In human form a Were-Human is considered to have the Improved Unarmed Strike Feat

Special Attacks: All Special Attacks are retained in Animal and Hybrid Forms. Only the following Special Attacks are retained in Human form: Ferocity, Improved Grab, Pounce, Rage, Trip. Improved Grab now triggers with a successful unarmed strike. It also gains Cursed Attack while in Animal and Hybrid form:

Cursed Attack (Su): Any animal or vermin successfully bitten by a Were Human becomes a Were Human itself unless it makes a successful Fortitude Save. Save DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution modifier. If the base creature does not normally have a bite attack it now gains a Bite as a secondary attack doing 1 point of damage plus 1/2 Strength modifier.

Special Qualities: The Were Human retains all Special qualities in all 3 forms, except Ink Cloud, Jet, Blindsight, and qualities based on alternative physiologies. These are only available in Animal and Hybrid Forms. Vermin Were Humans lose the Mindless Trait as well. Aquatic Were Humans (i.e. Fish) gain Hold Breath in Human form. They may hold their breath for 8 x their Constitution modifier in rounds before they risk drowning (but since they have no problem making swim checks it wont be too much of a problem). All Were Humans gain Alternate Form, Empathy, and DR 10/Silver in all 3 forms.

Alternate Form (Su): The Were Human can assume a bipedal Hybrid Form or become a human. Only the appearance really changes. The Human and Hybrid forms have hands, but that's the only real difference. Changing forms is a full round action until the Were Human has made a DC 15 Willpower Save to control it. After this changing forms is a standard action. Separated body parts or dead Were Humans revert to animal form.

Empathy (Su): The Were Human can communicate with animals of its own species and receives a +4 Racial bonus on Charisma based skill checks against them. It doesn't know how to speak human languages, but still receives the +4 bonus on Charisma based skill checks. Maybe its pheromones. Or maybe people aren't as smart as they think....

Abilities: With the exception of Strength abilities remain the same in all 3 forms. The Were Human rolls 3d6 for Int, and gets +2 Wis, and +4 Cha. For Strength in Hybrid Form, add 10 plus the Animal Forms Strength, divide by 2, and round up. For Strength in human form take 10 and add (or subtract if negative) the Animal Forms Strength modifier.

Saves: If the Were Human was a vermin its Saving Throws must be recalculated as it is now a Magical Beast.

Skills: Racial skill bonuses are retained in all 3 forms.  Initially the Were Human knows no languages, but can learn them.

Feats: Unchanged.

Environment: Unchanged.

Organization: Usually becomes Solitary. Pack creatures may form packs if there are enough of them.

Challenge Rating:+1

Treasure: Standard

Alignment: Still Neutral, though that may begin to alter depending on the Were Humans newfound circumstances.

Advancement: By Character Class

Level Adjustment:+1

Human Appearance: The Were Humans human form appears to be of a member of the nearest human race. In a land of Mongolians, it appears as a Mongolian. Scaly animals will have rough skin, hairy animals will still be uncommonly hairy, etc. Animals without hair will be bald in human form. Skin color will be within the human range but similar to its animal form. For example a shark will be very pale, or have a slight greyish cast to its skin. A giant Fire Ant will be copper colored similar to a Native American. This causes some problems when skin color and racial type are not similar, but since most people will believe the Were Human is cursed anyway it lessens the impact of their strange appearance.



Authors Note: I know this is somewhat different than the standard Lycanthrope Template, but it IS a bit unusual, and meant for a silly campaign.

Example Were-Human: "Buffalo" Bill Johnson

Human Form
Medium Magical Beast (Shapechanger)
Hit Dice: 5d8+15 (37 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 10 , touch 10, flat-footed 10
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+8
Attack: Unarmed Strike +8 melee (1d3+3)
Full Attack: Unarmed Strike +8 melee (1d3+3)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Low-Light Vision, Scent, DR 10/Silver, Alternate Form, Empathy
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 16, Dex 10, Con 16, Int 10, Wis 13, Cha 8
Skills: Listen +7, Spot +7
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: By Class Levels
Level Adjustment: -


Hybrid Form
Medium Magical Beast (Shapechanger)
Hit Dice: 5d8+15 (37 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 12 (+2 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+8
Attack: Gore +8 melee (1d6+4)
Full Attack: 1 Gore +8 melee (1d6+4 and 1 Bite +3 melee (2 pts)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Cursed Attack
Special Qualities: Low-Light Vision, Scent, DR 10/Silver, Alternate Form, Empathy
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 16, Dex 10, Con 16, Int 10, Wis 13, Cha 8
Skills: Listen +7, Spot +7
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Tempreate Plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: By Class Levels
Level Adjustment: ----


Bison Form
Large Magical Beast (Shapechanger)
Hit Dice: 5d8+15 (37 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 13 (-1 Size, +4 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+15
Attack: Gore +11 melee (1d8+9)
Full Attack: 1 Gore +11 melee (1d8 +9) and 1 Bite +8 melee (5pts)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Cursed Attack
Special Qualities: Low-Light Vision, Scent, DR 10/Silver, Empathy, Alternate Form
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 22, Dex 10, Con 13, Int 10, Wis 13, Cha 8
Skills: Listen +7, Spot +7
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: By Class level
Level Adjustment: ---

Late one July evening a simple Buffalo was bitten by a Coyote Were-Human whom his herd promptly stomped to death. This Buffalo found himself growing ever more self aware over the coming weeks. He began to think. "Is this all I do with my life? Eat grass?" "Why are the other Buffalo so bloody stupid?" Man, I really need a bath."

Eventually he split from the herd and wondered near a human settlement on the night of the full moon where he received the shock of his life as he turned into a naked man. He then received the second great shock of his life as a woman marched out of her hut, screamed upon seeing him, and knocked him blissfully unconscious with the club she was carrying. At which point he became a Buffalo.

Thankfully the town knew of a nearby Druid who explained things. Bill has been adopted by the Johnson family who are currently trying to teach him several things: How to speak the common language, how to work a farm, and why being naked is bad for you.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 19, 2008, 12:09:13 PM
Were-Kittens

Originally created by the Goddess of Lycanthropes to serve as her spies, Were Kittens have spread about the world. Many other organizations have found ways to use them besides hers, and they have found a very lucrative niche in some places. Some others simply enjoy life as kittens and the free food that comes with being one 

Were Kitten is an Acquired or Inherited template that can be added to any humanoid.

Size and Type: Type doesn’t change, but it does gain the Shapechanger subtype. Size in Kitten form is Diminutive, Size in Hybrid form is Tiny. Size in humanoid form is unchanged.

Hit Dice: Unchanged

Speed: Land speed is 30 in Hybrid and Kitten forms, otherwise unchanged. May not use any alternate movement forms the humanoid form possesses in the Kitten or hybrid Forms.

Armor Class: Use the humanoid forms Natural Armor bonus for all 3 forms. Natural Armor bonus increases by +1.

Base Attack/Grapple: Use the humanoids BAB for all 3 forms (Grapple bonus will change due to Size penalties in Hybrid and Kitten forms).

Attacks: Same as base creature in Humanoid form, same as Kitten in Kitten Form (Kittens have 2 claw attacks doing 1 point of damage plus Strength bonus, and 1 Bite doing 1d2 + 1/2 Strength bonus), attacks are the same as a Cat in Hybrid form.

Special Attacks: Hybrid and Kitten Forms gain Cursed Bite.

Cursed Bite (Su): Identical to the ability listed under Lycanthropes in the Monster Manual, except it only works on Humanoids, and has no limitation on Size.

Special Qualities: All 3 forms possess Low Light Vision, Scent, Alternate Form, Cat Empathy, and Damage Reduction 5/Silver.

Alternate Form (Su):Identical to the Alternate Form ability listed in the Monster Manual for Lycanthropes.

Cat Empathy (Su): Can communicate with Cats and has a +4 Racial bonus on Charisma based checks to influence them.

Saves: Increase Base creatures Fortitude and Reflex Saves by +2.

Abilities: Were Kittens gain +2 Wis. Physical Stats in Kitten Form are -10 Str, +10 Dex, Con unchanged. Physical Stats in Hybrid Form are -8 Strength, +8 Dex.

Skills:Were Kittens gain a + 8 Racial bonus to Jump and Balance checks. They also have a +4 Racial bonus to Climb, Hide, and Move Silently checks. In Kitten and Hybrid forms while in heavy undergrowth or tall grass the Hide bonus increases to +8. Were Kittens may use their Strength or Dexterity modifier for Climb and Jump checks, whichever is better.

Feats:Weapon Finesse and Iron Will as Bonus Feats.

Environment: Unchanged.

Organization: Solitary (Unchanged if there are enough other Were Kittens about, or in squads of 5-10 if working for the Lycanthrope Goddess).

Challenge Rating:+1

Treasure: Standard

Alignment: Usually Neutral with some tendencies towards Chaos.

Advancement: By Character Class

Level Adjustment:+1


Example Were Kitten: 1st level human Ninja, Lil Mister Fuzzy

Human Form

Medium Humanoid (Shapechanger)
Hit Dice: 1d6-1 (5 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Dex, +1 Natural, +3 Ninja), touch 15, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/+1
Attack: Short Sword +2 melee (1d6+1) or Short Bow +2 Ranged (1d6)
Full Attack: Short Sword +2 melee(1d6+1) or Short Bow +2 Ranged (1d6)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: +1d6 Sudden Strike
Special Qualities: Low-Light Vision, Scent, Alternate Form, Cat Empathy, DR 5/Silver, Trapfinding, Ki Power 4/day
Saves: Fort +1, Ref +6, Will +3
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 15, Con 8, Int 10, Wis 16, Cha 13
Skills: Balance, Climb, Hide, Jump, Move Silently
Feats: Alertness, Iron Will, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Organization (10-1000)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: +1


Hybrid Form

Tiny Humanoid (Shapechanger)
Hit Dice: 1d6-1 (5 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 22 (+2 Size, +6 Dex, +1 Natural, +3 Ninja), touch 21, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/-11
Attack: Claw +6 melee (1d2-3)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +8 (1d2-3) and 1 Bite +3 melee(1d3-3)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./ 0 ft.
Special Attacks: +1d6 Sudden Strike, Cursed Bite
Special Qualities: Low-Light Vision, Scent, Cat Empathy, Alternate Form, DR 5/Silver, Trapfinding, Ki Power 4/day
Saves: Fort +1, Ref +10, Will +3
Abilities: Str 4, Dex 23, Con 8, Int 10, Wis 16, Cha 13
Skills: Balance, Climb, Hide, Jump, Move Silently
Feats: Alertness, Iron Will, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Organization (10-1000)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: +1

Kitten Form

Diminutive Humanoid (Shapechanger)
Hit Dice: 1d6-1 (5 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 25 (+4 Size,+7 Dex, +1 Natural, +3 Ninja ), touch 24, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/-16
Attack: Claw +11 melee (1 point -4)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +11 melee (1 point-4) and 1 Bite +6 melee (1d2-4)
Space/Reach: 1 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: +1d6 Sudden Strike, Cursed Bite
Special Qualities: Low-Light Vision, Scent, Cat Empathy, Alternate Form, DR 5/Silver, Trapfinding, Ki Power 4/day
Saves: Fort +1, Ref +11, Will +3
Abilities: Str 2, Dex 25, Con 8, Int 10, Wis 16, Cha 13
Skills: Balance, Climb, Hide Jump, Move Silently
Feats: Alertness, Iron Will
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Organization (10-1000)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: +1

Lord Fuzzington: Good evening everyone, please be seated!
(crowd murmurs)
Lord Fuzzington: As you know the local sushi house, Bob's Stale Fish has been ransacked and taken over by PIRATES!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! HIIISSSS!!
Lord Fuzzington: We cannot allow this!
Crowd: YEAH!
Lord Fuzzington:Tonite our claws shall drink deeply into their poofy pirate pants!
Crowd: YEAH!
Lord Fuzzington:  And their poofy pirate ways!
Crowd: YEAH!
Lord Fuzzington: As I understand the captain and his core crew are currently passed out drunk at the Buggered Choir Boy. After we dispatch them we retake Bobs!
Crowd: YEAH!
Lord Fuzzington: And the gods willing Bob will be a little less stingy with the free sashimi for kitties in the future...
Crowd: YEAH!
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 20, 2008, 07:35:08 AM
Beholder Cyclops, Tardos
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 16d8+64 (136 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 23 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
22
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+16
Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye of Slowness
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +7, Will +14
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 18, Int 14, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Concentration +6, Hide +15, Knowledge (Local) +23, Listen +21, Search +23, Spot +21, Survival +21
Feats: Ability Focus (Eye of Slowness), Alertness, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Iron Will
Environment: Underdark
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 12
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 17-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Yoooooouuuuu suuuuuuuuuckkkkk...."

"Betcha won't call me Retardos next time huh?"

Despite the Beholder governments best efforts at some point another batch of Cyclops' appeared.  How the government of the small city of Slackjaw got the notes or resources to pull it off is unknown.  But they decided, against all common sense, to make a series of Tardos as debuffing artillery, the idea being to slow down opponents so badly that their own inferior troops could take them out.  But they ended up a laughingstock (Tardos is an unfortunate name), and even worse got wiped out by the Beholders.  Doesn't pay to be ambitious.  Tardos speak Common and Beholder.


Eye of Slowness (Su): The Tardos' main eye emits a 150' cone of energy.  Anything in the Cone must make a DC 22 Willpower Save, or be Slowed as per the spell (penalty is doubled though). 

Flight (Ex): A Tardos' body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: The Tardos tends to zap foes with it's eye, then make Flyby attacks wearing them down in a war of attrition.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 20, 2008, 01:39:10 PM
Good Kitty
Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 18d10+36 (135 hp)
Initiative: +8
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 21 (+2 Size, +4 Dex, +4 Deflection, +1 Natural), touch 20, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple: +18/+7
Attack: Claw +24 melee (1d2 -3)
Full Attack: 2 Claws + 24 melee (1d2-3) and 1 Bite (1d3-3)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Gaze Attack
Special Qualities: Scent, Dark Vision 60', Telepathy (150'), Low Light Vision, Unreadable
Saves: Fort +13, Ref +15, Will +12
Abilities: Str 5, Dex 19, Con 15, Int 15, Wis 19, Cha 19
Skills: Balance +12, Bluff +14, Diplomacy +14, Climb +18, Gather Information +14, Hide +16, Jump +12, Knowledge (local) +12, Listen +14, Move Silently +16, Sense Motive +14, Spot +14
Feats: Weapon Finesse, Ability Focus (Gaze Attack), Alertness, Improved Initiative, Dodge, Mobility, Iron Will
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Pair
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 19-25 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Sassy is mama's good widdle piddy!  Yes she is!"

Good kitties are hyper intelligent, extra fwuffy kitties who's goals are generally to take over the world. Not out of malice, but because of a sincere belief that they can do better than people. Generally they move into a village and begin to slowly influence people, and work their way up the chain of command until they are the power behind the throne so to speak. They are often quite fond of their charges and will protect them as much as they can, but being Neutral they are still as selfish and capricious as any Kitty. An easy sign of their presence in a village is that at least one farmer will be cultivating a field of catnip.

And woe be unto he who shall disrupt the catnip production.

Good Kitties speak common and any 2 other languages of the DM's choice.

Skills (Ex): Kitties have a +4 Racial Bonus on Climb, Hide, and Move Silently checks (hide bonus increases to +8 in tall grass or heavy undergrowth). They also have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance and Jump checks. kitties may use their Str or Dex modifier for Climb or Jump checks.

Unreadable (Su): The Good Kitty detects as being Neutral Good regardless of its actual alignment. This effect cannot be dispelled but it does turn off in an antimagic field.

Gaze Attack (Su): Charm Monster, 30', DC 25 Willpower Save negates. Save is Charisma based. Caster level is equal to Hit Dice.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At will: Detect Thoughts (DC 16), Discern Shapechanger, Entice Gift (DC 16), Locate Objects, See Invisibility

3/day: Arcane Sight, Clairaudience/Clairvoyance, Detect Scrying, Lesser Geas (DC 18), Lesser Telepathic Bond, Know Vulnerabilities (DC 18), Locate Creature, Scrying (DC 18), Suggestion (DC 17)

1/day: Dominate Person

Combat: Good Kitties rarely participate in combat, as t hey are not meant for it. They will send charmed subjects to defend them or run away.  If they know their opponent doesn't know what they are they may be telepathically directing the battle from nearby.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 20, 2008, 01:45:25 PM
Cash Cow
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 4d8+16 (34 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 24 (-1 Size, +15), touch 9, flat-footed 24
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+12
Attack: Butt +7 melee (1d8+8)
Full Attack: Butt +7 melee (1d8+8)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Stampede, Trample (2d6+16)
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Scent, Valuable, DR 5/Adamantine
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 20, Dex 10, Con 18, Int 2, Wis 11, Cha 6
Skills: Listen +6, Spot +5
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary or Herd (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: See text
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 5-6 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Abner...that cow's hide looks ta be made o' Platinum..."

Cash Cows appear to be regular cattle whose hide has a somewhat metallic sheen. When killed they may be dissected as many of their organs are precious metals. It's uncertain exactly how they came about, but an insane mage is assumed to be the case as usual. Someone wanted cattle that could eat earth and raw ore and poop refined metals. He got it, but in the process they convert so much of the stuff that their insides slowly become metal. They are the same size as normal cattle but weigh half again as much.

Stampede (Ex): A frightened herd of Cash Cattle run in a random direction, literally running over anything Large or smaller. Anything in their path takes 1d12 damage for every 5 cattle in the herd (Reflex Save DC 17 for half damage, Save DC is Strength based).

Trample (Ex): Reflex Save DC 17 for half damage (Save DC is Strength based)

Valuable (Ex): Cash Cattle are pretty much inedible, and so is their milk. However if fed raw ore they can 'refine' it into a purified state (a full grown cow can 'process' 2 pounds of raw ore per day). Fully mature cattle are worth about 5 GP per pound (and weigh up to 2000 pounds) dead, but quite a bit more alive.

Combat: Preeetty much the same as your standard cow really...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 20, 2008, 01:51:27 PM
Armordillo
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 2d8+10 (19 hp)
Initiative: -2
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), Burrow 5 ft.
Armor Class: 33 (+1 Size, -2 Dex, +24 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 33
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-3
Attack: Nibble +2 melee (1d3)
Full Attack: Nibble +2 melee (1d3)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Damage Reduction 10/-, Energy Resistance 20 (all types), Immunities, Hard to Budge, Scent, Fortified
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +1, Will +0
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 6, Con 20, Int 1, Wis 10, Cha 2
Skills: Listen +5, Spot +4
Feats: Alertness
Environment: Warm Plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 3-4 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Martha...I just broke my sledgehammer on thet critter's head.  Time to call the professionals..."

The Armordillo appears to be a normal armadillo in all respects except 3:

It is a voracious devourer of vegetable crops.
It is incredibly heavy (200 pounds) for it's size.
It has no fear.

Whether it was created , or evolved naturally, 10 out of 10 farmers agree the Armordillo has to go.  The problem is how.  The things are damn near invulnerable, so unless they're willing to shell out serious money for high level mages, they're stuck with them.


Immunities (Ex): The Armordillo is immune to Fear or morale based effects. It is also immune to non lethal damage, and cannot be Stunned, Dazed, or Staggered.  It is immune to the Magic Missile spell.

Fortified (Ex): If an enemy confirms a critical result on an attack roll the Armordillo has a 50% chance of making it just a normal hit.

Hard to Budge (Ex):The Armordillo does not take a Size Penalty when resisting Grapple, Bull Rush, or Trip checks. It also has a +4 Racial Bonus when resisting such checks.

Combat: Armordillo's never initiate combat. They go about their business of devouring crops, and sometimes even ignore attackers if they can't manage to do any damage.  The sight of a bunch of villagers breaking their farming tools on the back of a small critter has stunned more than one PC.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on December 20, 2008, 04:05:55 PM
The armordillo should have a special roll attack.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 21, 2008, 12:46:52 PM
The armordillo should have a special roll attack.

Fighting one now is kind of a war of attrition.  It doesnt do much damage, but hurting it is kinda hard...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 21, 2008, 01:47:07 PM
Beholder Cyclops, Calxos
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 16d8+64 (136 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 23 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
22
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+16
Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye of Stone
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +7, Will +14
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 18, Int 14, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Concentration +6, Hide +15, Knowledge (Local) +23, Listen +21, Search +23, Spot +21, Survival +21
Feats: Ability Focus (Eye of Stone), Alertness, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Iron Will
Environment: Underdark
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 13
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 17-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER TALK TO ME?!?!?! WHY DO PEOPLE STOP MOVING?!??!?! DAMMIT!!"

Insane, but wealthy, Medusa Wizard Polymnia decided she needed a male suitor who "only had eyes for her".  Unable to find one she made some.  Specifically she made the Calxos Beholder Cyclops.  and then had many strange, frightening, abominations of nature with them.  It took the Beholders many decades to wear her and her servants down, but they did finally get her put down.  There are still scattered Calxos about, as well as Half Medusa/Half Beholder children.  Just.....ew.  Calxos speak Beholder and Common.


Eye of Stone (Su):  The Calxos' central Eye radiates a 150' Cone.  Anything entering this Cone must make a DC 22 Willpower Save or be petrified as though by a Stone to Flesh spell.

Flight (Ex): A Calxos' body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: There are few things the Calxos' central eye can't deal with.  The only time it's really vulnerable is when it's eating because it has to close it's eye to prevent it's food from becoming stone.  This also means it usually has some sort of partner...

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 23, 2008, 12:00:33 PM
Beholder Cyclops, Eradicos
Large Aberration
Hit Dice: 16d8+64 (136 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 23 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
22
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+16
Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye of Doom
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +7, Will +14
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 18, Int 14, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills: Concentration +6, Hide +15, Knowledge (Local) +23, Listen +21, Search +23, Spot +21, Survival +21
Feats: Ability Focus (Eye of Stone), Alertness, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Iron Will
Environment: Underdark
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 13
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 17-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"You just disintegrated a Holy Relic.  A HOLY RELIC!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS FOR THOSE THINGS?!??!"

"Yeah.  Gods pass em out for free.  What the heck are you so peeved about?"

It was inevitable someone would try to make a beholder Cyclops with an empowered Disintegration eye.  Everyone was surprised to see it come last though.  Disfibulor the Mad was a Mage obsessed with the Spheres of Annihilation, and wanted something similar, but more tractable.  Cue the Eradicos.  Making them took a while because initial experiments kept spontaneously self disintegrating.  Which doesn't make for great soldiers.  Upon success his press conference was interrupted by the Beholder Nations :

"We the Beholder Nations will no longer tolerate this perversion of our peoples!! You are all going to die for this!!"

Podium and surrounding area disintegrates

"We the Beholder Nations have decided to stop giving a ____.  Your on your own kids."

Disfibulor died of syphilis 3 days later.  Presumably the Eradicos are still around.  Eradicos speak Beholder and Common.


Eye of Doom (Su):  Once every 1d4 rounds the Eradicos can unleash a 150 Line of energy from it's main eye.  Anything within the Area of Effect must make a DC 22 Fortitude Save or be affected as if by a Disintegrate Spell.

Flight (Ex): An Eradicos' body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: Eradicos will blast with their eye, retreat, and blast again when it is recharged.  Few things can take that. 

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 27, 2008, 12:03:14 PM
Beholder Cyclops, Stoners
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 9d8+18 (58 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (good)
Armor Class: 21 (+2 Dex, +9 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed
19
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+6
Attack: Bite +8 melee (1d6 plus poison)
Full Attack: 1 Bite +8 melee (1d6 plus poison) and 6 Tentacles +3 melee (1d4 plus poison)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Petrifying Gaze, Poison
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Flight
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +8
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 14, Con 15, Int 15, Wis 14, Cha 15
Skills: Bluff +8, Diplomacy +8, Hide +8, Intimidate +8, Knowledge (Local) +8, Listen +4, Move Silently +8, Search +8, Spot +10
Feats: Alertness, Fly-By Attack, Improved Initiative, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Underdark or Temperate Marsh
Organization: Solitary or Group (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement: 10-18 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Man, I soooo have the munchies right now."

Polymnia had enough children with her Calxos soldiers that eventually they became a stable race.  Not a widespread one to be sure, but enough to hold their own.  Unaccepted by either the Medusa or Beholder races they did what all sentient beings do when rejected by their peers and society as a whole: they started growing pot.  Despite their limited manipulation abilities they're surprisingly good at it, and make a decent living.  Stoners resemble Beholders about half the normal size with scaly skin, and 6 tentacles with fanged mouths at the end.  They speak Beholder and Common.

Petrifying Gaze (Su): Turn to stone permanently, 30 feet, Fortitude DC 16 negates.  The Save DC is Charisma Based.

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude Save DC 16, initial and secondary damage 1d6 Strength.  The Save DC is Constitution Based.

Flight (Ex): A Stoners body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Magic Resistant (Ex): Stoners have a +4 Racial Bonus against Spells, Spell Like Abilities, and Supernatural Abilities.

Combat: Stoners generally rely on their gaze to settle fights.  If that doesn't work they'll try using Fly-By's to Bite opponents nd let the poison settle them.  Or bribe them with weed. 
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 27, 2008, 12:22:57 PM
Antbird
Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Fly 60 ft (Good)
Armor Class: 19 (+2 Size, +2 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/-8
Attack: Bite +2 melee (1d3+1d3 acid)
Full Attack: Bite +2 melee (1d3+1d3 acid)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Scent
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 15, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 9
Skills: Listen +3, Spot +3
Feats: Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm Plains, Forest, or Swamp
Organization: Solitary or flock (10-1000)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 2 HD (Small), 3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Abner...git me mah bird shootin' thingy.  Them freak birds is in the corn agin."[/B]

Antbirds are an unholy mingling of ant and bird created by the same magic that created owlbears. Unfortunately the magic was just as faulty, and the things wreak havoc when they swarm each year to migrate, eating everything in sight. It is said their creator was creatively murdered at the hands of a mob of farmers.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Antbird succeeds in biting an opponent it can make a grapple check as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it succeeds it does bite damage each round the hold is maintained.

Combat: Antbirds usually fly straight at their opponent, latch on, and bite until it dies, or it wounds the Antbird. If there is a swarm they attack en masse, stripping crops, livestock, and even people.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 27, 2008, 12:26:51 PM
Archer Fish
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: Swim 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/-7
Attack: Spit +3 Ranged (1d6/x3)
Full Attack: Spit +3 Ranged (1d6/x3)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spit
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft.,
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +0
Abilities: Str 5, Dex 17, Con 11, Int 2, Wis 11, Cha 6
Skills: Listen +2, Spot +2
Feats: Point Blank Shot
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary or School (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 2-3 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:  ---

"Abner...git the preacher.  Thet carp done shot me!"

Magicians have always been known for trying to breed magical guardians, so it isn't surprising that one day some madman would invent a really large Perch that could puke arrows. Well actually they're arrow like bits of Force, but that's precious little difference to the redneck fishermen being shot by them.

Spit(Su): The Archer Fish can spit arrows of force. Stats are identical to a Small Longbow, and firing it under water, or out of the water doesn't provice any penalties.

Skills: The Archer Fish has a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim checks, and can always take 10 on a swim check even if threatened or endangered. It may use the Run action while swimming in a straight line.

Combat: The Archer Fish rarely initiates combat as long as nothing approaches within 10' that seems threatening. Then it burps arrows till the threat dies, or flees the area.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 31, 2008, 12:03:41 PM
Blowfly
Fine Magical Beast (Air)
Hit Dice: 1d10 (5 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: Fly 40 ft. (8 squares), Good
Armor Class: 25 (+8 Size, +7 Dex), touch 25, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-20
Attack: -
Full Attack: -
Space/Reach: 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Gust of Wind
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Scent
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +9, Will +0
Abilities: Str 1, Dex 25, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 11, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +4, Spot +4
Feats: Alertness
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Swarm (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 1/2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ---

"Abner...git me mah fly swatting longbow..."

Blowflies are large black flies invented by a madman in his magical labs for purposes of amusement. they are generally regarded as among the most hated magical creations known today, even more reviled than the Owlbear.  Large swarms of them are rumored to produce hurricane like winds, destroying communities.  They appear to be hideous flies roughly 2 inches long.

Gust of Wind (Su): The Blowfly may cast the spell Gust of Wind as a Supernatural ability at will as a 3rd level Sorcerer.

Combat: Nervous flies blast the source of their irritation with Gust of Wind and fly away. But the little monsters keep coming back, just like real flies.  Pesky lil sob's. 
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 31, 2008, 12:14:02 PM
Barbearian
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 8d10+32 (76 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, + 5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
While raging 13 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +5 Natural, -2 Rage), touch 8,
flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +8/+20
Attack: Claw +15 melee (1d8+8), while raging: Claw +17 melee (1d8+10)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +15 melee (1d8+8) and 1 Bite +10 melee (2d6+4), while raging: 2 Claws +17 melee (1d8+10) and 1 Bite +12 melee (2d6+5)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Rage 3/day
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Low Light Vision, Scent, Damage Reduction: 1/-, Trap Sense +2, Improved Uncanny Dodge
Saves: Fort +10 (+12 while raging), Ref +7, Will +3 (+5 while raging)
Abilities: Str 26, Dex 12, Con 18, Int 8, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +6, Spot +7, Swim +16
Feats: Power Attack, Cleave, Destructive Rage, Intimidating Rage
Environment: Cold Forests
Organization: Solitary or Pair
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: ---

Frenzied Bearserker (Barbearian, Frenzied Berserker 6
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 8d10+6d12+70 (153 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, + 5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
While raging 9 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +5 Natural, -2 Rage, -4 Frenzy), touch 4,
flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple: +14/+27
Attack: Claw +22 melee (1d8+9), while raging: Claw +17 melee (1d8+10)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +22 melee (1d8+9) and 1 Bite +20 melee (2d6+4), while raging: 2 Claws +27 melee (1d8+15) and 1 Bite +25 melee (2d6+10)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Rage 3/day, Frenzy 3/day, Supreme Cleave, Improved Power Attack, Inspire Frenzy 1/day
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Low Light Vision, Scent, Damage Reduction: 1/-, Trap Sense +2, Improved Uncanny Dodge, Deathless Frenzy
Saves: Fort +16 (+18 while raging), Ref +10, Will +6 (+8 while raging)
Abilities: Str 28, Dex 12, Con 20, Int 8, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Intimidate +6, Listen +6, Spot +7, Swim +16
Feats: Power Attack, Cleave, Destructive Rage, Diehard, Instantaneous Rage, Intimidating Rage, Multiattack
Challenge Rating: 14
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

"Abner thet there bawr is lookin' at me like I grabbed his wifes butt..."

Barbearians are very large Brown Bears with horrible tempers, and awakened intelligence. The usual requisite insane mage is to blame supposedly. God knows why he'd want surly, irritable, possibly homicidally insane servants but mages are some weird guys.  Barbearians have all the abilities of a Barbarian equal to their Hit Dice level, and can qualify for Feats etc as if they were Barbarians. Favored Class is of course Barbarian. For all intents and purposes they appear to be normal Brown Bears.  They speak Common and Sylvan.

Skills: The Barbearian gains a +4 Racial Bonus on Swim checks.

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Barbearian hits with a Claw attack it may attempt a Grapple check as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Combat: Barbearians fight like most bears do, with the addition of Rage, and some intelligence.  Grappling is preferred but they'll leisurely beat you to death with their paws if they have the time.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 31, 2008, 12:18:38 PM
Stone Crab
Huge Magical Beast (Aquatic, Earth)
Hit Dice: 16d10+176 (264 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 27 (-2 Size, -1 Dex, +20 Natural), touch 7, flat-footed 27
Base Attack/Grapple: +16/+38
Attack: Pincer +24 melee (2d6+10/19-20)
Full Attack: 2 Pincers +24 melee (2d6+10/19-20)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks: Constrict, Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Amphibious, Scent, Damage Reduction 10/-, Immunities, Camouflage
Saves: Fort +20, Ref +9, Will +6
Abilities: Str 30, Dex 8, Con 30, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills: Hide +1, Spot +10
Feats: Awesome Blow, Cleave, Great Cleave, Improved Critical (Claw), Improved Toughness, Power Attack
Environment: Any Aquatic
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 17-32 HD (Gargantuan), 33-54 HD (Collosal)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Heeey....that ain't no hill.."

Stone Crabs are immense Crabs infused with the power of the Elemental Plane of Earth by yet another psychotic mage with an axe to grind. Capable of growing to immense size their ferocious appetites make them trouble for the local ecosystems. Their bodily makeup makes them a rich prize for anyone capable of putting one down though.  given how many freaks of nature like this are created by mages you wonder why people let them hang around... Stone Crabs are roughly 16' across, and weigh up to 16 tons.

Constrict (Ex): A Stone Crab does 4d6+10 with a successful Grapple check.

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Stone Crab successfully hits with a Claw Attack it may attempt a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If successful it may Constrict. Stone Crabs receive a +4 Racial Bonus on Grapple Checks.

Immunities (Ex): Stone Crab are immune to Poison, sleep effects, paralysis, stunning, Critical Hits, and all mind-affecting effects.

Camouflage (Ex): Stone Crabs appear to be made of stone, and in rough, jagged stone areas they receive a +8 Racial Bonus to Hide checks, and may use the Camouflage and Hide in Plain Sight abilities (see page 48 of the Players Handbook).

Combat: Stone Crabs are ambush predators with little more tactical sense than Hide until it gets close, and then grab it.  They're stubborn too.  You really gotta hurt em to make one leave.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on December 31, 2008, 12:26:10 PM

The Mother Of All Hummingbirds
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 12d10+60 (138 hp)
Initiative: +9
Speed: Fly 240 ft. ( 48 squares), Perfect
Armor Class: 20 (+5 Dex, +5 Deflection), touch 20, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+12
Attack: Peck +17 melee (1d6)
Full Attack: Peck +17 melee (1d6)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Hurricane Flight, Evasion, Improved Evasion, Uncanny Dodge, Improved Uncanny Dodge
Saves: Fort +13, Ref +15, Will +7
Abilities: Str 11, Dex 21, Con 20, Int 10, Wis 16, Cha 20
Skills: Hide +10, Listen +8, Spot +8
Feats: Fly-By Attack, Hover, Improved Initiative, Lightning Reflexes, Weapon Finesse, Wingover
Environment: Any (only appears when summoned)
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: 8?
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 13+ HD
Level Adjustment: ---

"What the hell is that humming sound?"

The Mother of All Hummingbirds is a rather large rainbow colored hummingbird that is rarely seen unless summoned magically. It's purpose and desires are unknown. It is however quite destructive, though it doesn't seem to intend to cause harm. The winds stirred up by it's flight can destroy small villages. But people like it cause it's so pwetty.  Darn ignorant them peasants.  Despite being almost 6' long the MoaH is only 80 pounds.  While she cannot speak she does understand Common, Elven, Auran, and Sylvan.

Hurricane Flight (Ex): When flying the Mother of All Hummingbirds stirs up hurricane force winds around it (it is impossible for it to make Hide or Move Silently Checks while flying). Anything within 10' of the Hummingbird is subject to a Whirlwind Spell (caster level is irrelevant as this spell has no level dependent benefits, the range is fixed, and it can only be dispelled by making the Hummingbird cease to fly). Ranged Attacks against the MoAH are impossible unless made with siege equipment (which still takes a -8 to the attack roll). Listen checks within the 10' are impossible to make, and Spot checks to see inside the area are likewise impossible in dusty areas (the Hurricane Flight grants complete concealment).

Evasion: See PHB page 50.

Improved Evasion: See PHB page 51.

Uncanny Dodge: See PHB page 50.

Improved Uncanny Dodge: See PHB page 50.

Combat: The Mother of All Hummingbirds usually relies on Fly-By attacks and it's Hurricane Flight to finish off foes. If neither of those work it simply flees.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 03, 2009, 04:14:00 AM
Beholder Folk
Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 9d8+18 (58 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 21 (+2 Dex, +9 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed
19
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+6
Attack:  8 Eye Rays +8 Ranged and Bite +1 melee (1d4)
Full Attack: 8 Eye Rays +8 Ranged and Bite +1 melee (1d4)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Eye Rays
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., All-Around Vision
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +8
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 14, Con 15, Int 15, Wis 14, Cha 15
Skills: Bluff +9, Diplomacy +8, Hide +9, Knowledge (Local) +9, Listen +11, Search +13, Spot +15
Feats: Ability Focus (Eye Rays), Alertness, Point Blank Shot, Precise Shot
Environment: Urban
Organization: Solitary or Group (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 9
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: +4

"Whut'll it be pal?"

The Stoners were not Polymnia's only hybrid children to branch off into a stable species.  She also gave birth to what are referred to as  the Beholder Folk (well, by everyone except the Beholders).   They appear as scaly humanoids roughly 6 feet in height, with a round head that resembles a ball.  It has a large fanged mouth and central eye, and appears to be topped by writhing tendrils that resemble hair.  Mixed in with this "hair" are smaller eyestalks.  The Beholder Folk are generally thought of as monsters, and so end up taking jobs that are traditionally frowned upon (lawyer, tax collector, executioner) or ones in which appearance is unimportant (bartender, rogues).  They speak Beholder and Common.

Eye Rays (Su): Each of the Beholder Folk's 8 prehensile eyestalks can produce a ray once per round as a Free Action.  It can only fire 4 in any 90 degree angle, and the others may fire in other arcs.  Beholder Folk can bend their eyestalks to fire in any direction, in any combination.  Each ray produces an effect similar to a spell (Caster Level 11th).  Beholder Folk are incredibly mutable, so their eyestalks vary a lot.  Pick any spell of 3rd level or less that specifically targets an individual for each eye's effect.

All-Around Vision (Ex): Beholder Folk gain a +4 Racial Bonus on Search and Spot checks, and can't be flanked.

Combat: Beholder Folk are fairly non-confrontational given their parentage.  Usually they will flee and try to hide, but if cornered their Eye Rays can be devastating.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 03, 2009, 04:15:06 AM
Snow Golem
Medium Construct
Hit Dice: 9d10+30 (79 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 19 (+1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed
18
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+8
Attack: Slam +8 melee (1d6+2 plus 1d6 cold)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +8 melee (1d6+2 plus 1d6 cold)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Berserk, Snowballs, Freezing Touch
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Construct traits. Immunity to Magic, Low Light Vision, Immune to Cold, Hide in Snow, Damage Reduction 10/Magic and Bludgeoning
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +3
Abilities: Str 14, Dex 12, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: Hide +9
Feats: -
Environment: Any Cold
Organization: Solitary or Group (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 10-18 HD (Large), 19-27 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Burt...did that snowman just move?"

Snow Golems are an unusual but cheap to make Golem in wintery areas.  All you need is plenty of snow, and they look like snowmen or snow sculptures for the most part so they can hide in plain sight as well.  Most Snow GOlems are made of roughly 150 pounds of snow.

Berserk (Ex): When a Snow Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round that it will go berserk.  Once it goes berserk it will attack the nearest creature, or smashing any object smaller than itself if none is available.  If the Golems creator is within 60', it can try to regain control by making a DC 19 Charisma check.  After 1 minute of inactivity, the Golem's chances of going berserk reset to 0%.

Snowballs (Su): The Snow Golem may cast the spell Snowball Swarm (see Spell Compendium) 3 times per day as a Supernatural Ability.  Caster Level is equal to Hit Dice. 

Freezing Touch (Su): The Snow Golem's Slam Attacks and successful Grapple checks do +1d6 Cold Damage.

Immunity to Magic: The Snow Golem is immune to any Spell or Spell Like Ability that allows Spell Resistance, with the exception of spells that do fire or cold damage.  Fire does double damage to a Snow Golem.  Cold spells that do damage actually add to the Golem's hit points instead.  Any hit points beyond the Golem's normal maximum are temporary hp lasting 10 minutes.

Hide in Snow: The Snow Golem has the Hide in Plain Sight and Camouflage abilities (see PHB page 48) while in snowy areas.

Skills: Snow Golems have a +8 Racial Bonus to Hide checks in snow.

Combat: Snow Golem's tend to remain still, hiding in plain sight until opponents get close enough to fight.  If they are spotted before then they open up with the snowballs.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 03, 2009, 04:15:55 AM
Beer Pudding
Large Ooze
Hit Dice: 6d10+42 (76 hp)
Initiative: -3
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares)
Armor Class: 6 (-1 Size, -3 Dex), touch 6, flat-footed
6
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+10
Attack: Slam +6 melee (2d4+2 plus 1d4 acid)
Full Attack: Slam +6 melee (2d4+2 plus 1d4 acid)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Constrict (2d4+2 plus 1d4 acid), Acid
Special Qualities: Blindsight 60', Ooze traits, Dude I Smell Beer
Saves: Fort +9, Ref -1, Will -3
Abilities: Str 14, Dex 5, Con 24, Int -, Wis 1, Cha 1
Skills: -
Feats: -
Environment: Underground, and Warm (except Desert)
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 7-9 HD (Large), 10-18 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Dude...dude I smell beer!"

Beer Puddings are smaller warmer weather cousins of the Black Puddings, and smell/look like pools of stout beer.  They live underground but emerge at night to eat vegetation (although they will take meat when they can get it), ruining grain and corn crops.  As a side effect of their digestion the symbiotic yeast organisms in their body give off a hoppy, lager smell.  This smell is often the undoing of alcoholics, who end up becoming the Beer Puddings next victim when they go in search of a free brew.  A Beer Pudding is around 8' across, and perhaps 500 pounds.

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Beer Pudding hits with it's Slam Attack it may make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it may Constrict.

Constrict (Ex): A Beer Pudding does Slam plus acid damage with a successful Grapple check.

Acid (Ex): A Beer Pudding's acid does not harm metal or stone. 

Dude I Smell Beer (Ex): Any living creature that suffers from alcoholism that is within 60' of the Beer Pudding must make a DC 20 Willpower Save or Grapple the Pudding and begin biting it.  He will immediately realize his mistake as soon as he begins taking acid damage, but by then the pudding will have tried to grapple him.  Save DC is Constitution Based.

Combat: Beer Puddings are similar to most Puddings in that they just charge anything that comes within range of their Blindsight, although many lie in wait since they realize some victims will simply walk up to them.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 05, 2009, 07:50:02 AM
Arctic Fox
Tiny Magical Beast (Cold)
Hit Dice: 10d10+10 (65 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (+2 Size, +3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +10/+2
Attack: Bite +15 melee (1d3+1d6 cold)
Full Attack: Bite +15 melee (1d3+1d6 cold)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Arctic Weather, Cold Touch
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60 ft., Scent
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +10, Will +6
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 16, Con 12, Int 5, Wis 14, Cha 20
Skills: Hide +14, Listen +8, Move Silently +8, Spot +8
Feats: Weapon Finesse, Skill Focus (Hide), Alertness, Dodge
Environment: Any Cold
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: none
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 11-15 HD (Tiny)
Level Adjustment: ---

"So...your money or your crops."


Arctic Foxes appear to be normal white foxes. Unfortunately the winter comes with them. Meaning they are quite the nuisance.  They used to use it to extort farmers till they learned farmers don't have any money.  So now they extort the communities the farmers depend on.  No one has yet figured out what they need or use the money for.  Arctic Foxes speak Common and Sylvan.

Arctic Weather (Su): Weather within 5 miles of an Arctic Fox undergoes a drastic change. The temperature lowers by 30 degrees, and winds increase by 20 mph. If this makes it cold enough to snow, it does so.

Cold Touch (Su): Anyone touching the Arctic Fox (natural weapon, grapple, unarmed strike, etc) takes 1d6 cold damage. Anyone it successfully attacks takes 1d6 cold damage as well (or 1d6 cold per round in a grapple).

Combat: Arctic Foxes avoid combat with anything bigger than themselves (and because they know that most other beings want them dead because of the weather they cause).
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 05, 2009, 07:53:41 AM
Bullfrog
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 8d10+24 (68 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 13 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+15
Attack: Bite +10 melee (1d8+5) or Tongue +10 melee (grapple)
Full Attack: Bite +10 melee (1d8+5) or Tongue +10 melee (grapple)
Space/Reach: 10’/5’ (10’ with Tongue)
Special Attacks: Tongue Grapple, Powerful Charge
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60’, Low Light Vision
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +7, Will +4
Abilities: Str 20, Dex 12, Con 16, Int 1, Wis 14, Cha 4
Skills: Jump +13, Listen +7, Spot +7
Feats: Alertness, Skill Focus: Jump, Improved Initiative
Environment: Warm Marsh, Plains, Forest
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Herd (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 4??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 9-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Bert...Bert you hear that?  It sounded like a thousand frogs ribbited at once..."

In some sort of drunken college spree several wizards came across the methods used to make the Owlbear, and created a bison sized frog with horns. Then just for giggles when they got tired of them setting around eating giant bugs and farting all over the place they turned them loose into the wild. Now swampdwellers everywhere can raise the vicious little halfwits as food.

Tongue Grapple (Ex): The Bullfrog has an adhesive tongue that allows it to make grapple checks without the usual penalty for grappling with one extremity. Attacking with it's tongue does not provoke an Attack of Opportunity, and if the Bullfrog wins the Grapple check it can reel a target in that turn and begin doing bite damage with each successful grapple check on proceeding turns.

Powerful Charge (Ex): When Bullfrogs do their initial leaping charge, they slam into opponents for 2d8+10 bludgeoning damage.

Combat: If an opponent is within range of their tongue Bullfrogs will attempt to grapple and then begin munching. Otherwise they charge, and then proceed to bite.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 05, 2009, 07:58:28 AM
Crab Spider
Huge Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 10d10+30 (85 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 21 (-2 Size, +3 Dex, +10 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +10/+25
Attack: Pincer +15 melee (2d6+7)
Full Attack: 2 Pincers +15 melee (2d6+7) and 1 Bite +10 melee (2d6+3 plus poison)
Space/Reach: 15'/10'
Special Attacks: Poison, Pincer Grab, Constrict (4d6+7)
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Scent
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +10, Will +4
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 17, Con 14, Int 3, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills: Climb +10, Hide -1, Jump +10, Spot +4
Feats: Cleave, Great Cleave, Improved Toughness, Power Attack
Environment: Warm Forests and Mountains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 9
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 11-19 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Aw crap...the local spiders can break swords now.  Retreeeeaaatt!!"


This appears to be a huge Wolf Spider with crab pincers. Yet another in a long line of Owlbear knockoffs. As usual with giant freaky wizard created monsters they got loose and bred like rabbits. Now they haunt forests everywhere and make nuisances of themselves.  Most people believe they're as dumb as any spider, but people who have encountered them swear they giggle when they disarm opponents.


Poison (Ex): Injury Fortitude DC 17, Initial and Secondary Damage 1d8 Str. Save DC is Constitution Based.

Pincer Grab (Ex): If the Crab Spider succeeds with a Pincer attack it can make one of the following attacks as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity: Grapple, Trip, Sunder.

Constrict (Ex): If the Crab Spider succeeds with a Grapple check it does its constriction damage each turn. It may also attempt to attack with it's Bite attack once per turn.

Combat: Crab Spiders have an unexpected cunning. Usually they will attempt to just straightforward grapple and constrict, then bite to let the poison finish off prey. If surrounded they will trip up the slower looking targets, or try Sundering weapons.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 05, 2009, 08:04:57 AM
Sage Buzzard
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+5 (32 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 15 ft. (3 squares), Fly 80 ft.(Good)
Armor Class: 14 (+2 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+6
Attack: Talon +6 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: 2 Talons +6 melee (1d6+1) and 1 Beak +1 melee (1d6)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: RAWK!
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Spell Like Abilities, Sage Knowledge, Scent
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +6, Will +5
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 12, Int 18, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills: Bluff, Decipher Script, Intimidate, Knowledge (Arcana, Geography, History, Local, Nature), Listen, Move Silently, Sense Motive, Spot, Survival
Feats: Fly-By Attack, Hover
Environment: Warm Desert
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: usually Neutral
Advancement: 6-10 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Will you hurry up and die?  I'd like to eat before I expire of old age."

Sage Buzzards look more like vultures than buzzards, and are renowned for their knowledge of just about damn near everything.  They're also pretty well known for lurking nearby as people and animals die waiting to make them a free lunch despite knowing how to save them.  In their defense food is mighty hard to come by where they live.  But if you have food aplenty to bribe them with they'll take care of you, and tell you what they know on any subject you care to hear them argue about (nothing is worse than a flock of know it all's). They speak Common, and whatever the local races speak (they have up to 4 additional languages). Their origin is unknown, but it is rumored that in a desert somewhere is the fabled Tower of Bib. Bib's tower is covered in mystical writings that bring Awareness to any animal reading them. The Sage Buzzards scoff at these rumors, and do their best to discourage people from going out in the desert to see if the Tower is real. They eat some of them even...

RAWK! (Su): Once every 1d4 rounds the Buzzard can unleash an ear splitting screech. Any living creature within 60' must make a DC 16 Willpower Save or be Shaken for 1d6 rounds. Save DC is Charisma Based. If the opponent Saves successfully it is immune to this Buzzard's RAWK! attack for 24 hours.

Sage Knowledge (Ex): This is mostly identical to the Bardic Knowledge ability on page 28 of the Players Handbook. Instead of Bard levels the Sage Buzzard uses it's Hit Dice.

Spell Like Abilities (Sp): The Sage Buzzard can cast the following spells as Spell Like abilities: Deathwatch, Detect Magic, Detect Posion, Know Direction (At Will), Death Knell, Delay Poison, Detect Animals or Plants, Hide from Animals, Locate Objects, Speak With Animals, Whispering Wind (3 times per day), Clairvoyance, Commune With Nature, Locate Creature, Scrying (Once per day). Caster level is equal to Hit Dice.

Combat: Sage Buzzards aren't great combatants. They usually use their spells to coordinate and arrange little traps for foes. They don't so much fight as wage a campaign of harassment. Unless they know you're dying. Then it's on.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 05, 2009, 08:12:19 AM
Bighorn Sheep
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 3d10+9 (25 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. ( 6 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+1 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/+4
Attack: Butt +4 melee (1d8+2)
Full Attack: Butt +4 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach: 5’/5’
Special Attacks: Powerful Charge
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60’
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 15, Dex 12, Con 17, Int 2, Wis 11, Cha 4
Skills: Listen +3, Spot +3
Feats: Power Attack, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Overrun (B), Reckless Charge (B)
Environment: Temperate Plains, Hills, or Mountains
Organization: Solitary or Herd (5-500)
Challenge Rating: 1??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 4-5 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Jed?? Can you hear me Jed?? Speak to me!"

"I knew jumpin' that sheep was a bad idea..."

These appear to be mule sized sheep with oversized horns, and armor reinforced necks and foreheads. They are infamously temperamental, and territorial. Their origin is unknown but the local Druids always seem to need to be somewhere else when the subject is brought up.  Many attempts have been made to domesticate them and all have failed.  The locals would love access to the wool.

Powerful Charge (Ex): When charging the Bighorn Sheep's Butt attack does 2d8+4, and it can make a Bull Rush attack as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Combat: Bighorn Sheep generally charge into the fray, then repeatedly slam their forehead into opponents until they flee or stop moving.  The rams will fight to the death while the flock escapes.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 06, 2009, 11:37:22 AM
Edible Golem
Medium Consruct
Hit Dice: 3d10+20 (36 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 30 ft (6 squares)
Armor Class: 20 (+10 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/+8
Attack: Slam +4 melee (1d8+2)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +4 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach: 5ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Constrict (2d8+4)
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Dark Vision 60’, Damage Reduction 10/Magic, Immunity to Magic, Low Light Vision, Mindless
Saves: Fort +1, Ref +1, Will +1
Abilities: Str 15, Dex 10, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: -
Feats: -
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 4-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: -----

”We wuz out foragin’ when we came up on this Halfling encampment.  Lil’ squatty bastards left their chuckwagon unguarded and me an’ Chuck we thinks “Well sir…guess that foods ours now”.  Then this thing made out of cabbage beats Chuck like a ragdoll, and some sort of cheese monkey choked me into unconsciousness.  Damn I hate them Halflings...”


Halflings are known for their prowess with cuisine, not so much so for their abilities as a military force.  Particularly hard hit are the cooks and guards for the food stores.  Bigger races tend to run them over to get the Halflings prized vittles.  And consequently this makes the Halflings pretty ticked off. 

After several years of this some enterprising Halfling Wizard made the first Edible Golem.  Edible Golems can be composed of any hard foodstuff (cheese, jerked and smoked meats, vegetables, mushrooms), and are basically a 6 foot high figure composed of the aforementioned edibles.  Created to guard the food stores, a code word chosen at creation (and given to the Golems “owner”) will immediately disassemble the Golem into its component parts.  As long as the food is part of the Golem it never spoils, and it can even move and defend itself thus freeing up guards for other purposes. 

This makes them ideal Golems as they can be eaten, are cheap to make, and don’t go Berserk.  They are a staple of many armies now in tribute to the Halflings success with using them.


Improved Grab (Ex): If the Golem successfully hits with it’s Slam Attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it may then Constrict.  Edible Golems get a +4 Racial Bonus to Grapple checks.  Unlike normal this ability may be used on creatures the same size class as the Golem.

Constrict (Ex): An Edible Golem does 2d8+4 damage with a successful Grapple Check.

Immunity to Magic (Ex): An Edible Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows Spell Resistance, with one exception.  If Purify Food and Drink is cast on the Golem it heals 1d6 hit points of damage. 

Combat: Edible Golems aren’t very tactical combatants being mindless and all.  They generally just waltz up to whatever enemy is closest, initiate a Grapple, and squeeze till dead.  Rinse, repeat.  It’s effective though.  Many is the opposing military man who has suffered the dismay of being beaten down by a cheese Golem.


Construction: An Edible Golem is made from 300 pounds of some sort of foodstuffs (average cost around 120 GP).  Unlike normal Golems, Edibles aren't constructed, they are temporarily animated by means of the right spell.


Create Edible Golem  
Transmutation
Level: Sor/Wiz 4, Food 4
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 Full Round Action
Range: Close (25 ft. plus 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: Animates 1 Edible Golem
Duration: 1 hour/level

This spell animates 1 Edible Golem for the duration of the spell.  When created you designate one "owner" who will control the Golem, and a code word which may disassemble it before the spell ends (speakign the word is a Swift Action).
Focus is 300 pounds some sort of food.  This Focus can only be used for 1 Golem at a time, for more Golems, you need more food.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lore
Characters with ranks in Knowledge (Arcane) can learn a little about the Edible Golem. When the character makes a skill check, the following lore is revealed, including the information from lower DCs:

DC|Lore
10|The Halflings sometimes have Constructs guarding their food.
15|The Constructs guarding the Halflings food stores ARE food.
20|The magic making Edible Golems is cheap, but fairly short in duration and must be renewed regularly.
25|If you can get the Golem's "owner" to spit out the right word, the Golems will disassemble into harmless victuals.
Plot Hook
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 10, 2009, 12:09:57 PM
Beholder, Mutate
                      Small Aberration
Hit Dice:             2d8+4 (13 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          18 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/-5
Attack:               Eye Rays +4 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite -6 melee (1d4-2)
Full Attack:          Eye Rays +4 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite -6 melee (1d4-2)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Rays, Central Eye
Special Qualities:    All-Around Vision, Dark Vision 60', Flight
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 6, Dex 16, Con 14, Int 15, Wis 15, Cha 13
Skills:               Hide +6, Knowledge (Arcana) +6, Listen +8, Search +6, Spot +8, Survival +4
Feats:               Alertness
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment:     ---


Beholder, Mutate
                      Medium Aberration
Hit Dice:             6d8+18 (45 hp)
Initiative:           +6
Speed:                5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          19 (+2 Dex, +7 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+3
Attack:               Eye Rays +6 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite -2 melee (1d6-1)
Full Attack:          Eye Rays +6 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite -2 melee (1d6-1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Rays, Central Eye
Special Qualities:    All-Around Vision, Dark Vision 60', Flight
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +7
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 14, Con 16, Int 15, Wis 15, Cha 13
Skills:              Hide +8, Knowledge (Arcana) +8, Listen +10, Search +8, Spot +10, Survival +8
Feats:            Alertness, Improved Initiative   
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     6
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---





Beholder, Mutate
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             12d8+48 (102 hp)
Initiative:           +6
Speed:                5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          26 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +15 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 24
Base Attack/Grapple:  +8/+12
Attack:               Eye Rays +10 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite +3 melee (2d4)
Full Attack:          Eye Rays +10 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite +3 melee (2d4)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Rays, Central Eye
Special Qualities:    All-Around Vision, Dark Vision 60', Flight
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +6, Will +12
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 14, Con 18, Int 17, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills:               Hide +10, Knowledge (Arcana) +18, Listen +16, Search +15, Spot +16, Survival +14
Feats:               Alertness, Flyby Attack, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Iron Will
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     13
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          13-24 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---


Beholder, Mutate
                      Huge Aberration
Hit Dice:             24d8+120 (228 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                5 ft. (1 square), Fly 20 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          31 (-2 Size, +1 Dex, +22 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 30
Base Attack/Grapple:  +18/+28
Attack:               Eye Rays +19 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite +15 melee (2d6+2)
Full Attack:          Eye Rays +19 Ranged Touch and 1 Bite +15 melee (2d6+2)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eye Rays, Central Eye
Special Qualities:    All-Around Vision, Dark Vision 60', Flight
Saves:                Fort +15, Ref +9, Will +19
Abilities:            Str 14, Dex 12, Con 20, Int 17, Wis 17, Cha 18
Skills:               Hide +17, Knowledge (Arcana) +30, Listen +29, Search +27, Spot +29, Survival +15
Feats:               Ability Focus (Eye Rays), Alertness, Flyby Attack, Great Fortitude, Hover, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Narrowed Gaze, Pervasive Gaze (the last 2 Feats are from Savage Species) If it has the Antimagic Eye instead it has Point Blank Shot and Precise Shot
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     19?
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          25-48 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Don't you judge me!"

Most of the time Beholders are pretty picky and eliminate any of their kind that don't look like themselves.  Considering their mutativeness this means the off a lot of their kids for superficial differences.  In the Jester's Realm though quite a few mutants got free and formed a small society of their own.  They allow and encourage difference.  They also don't get along with 'normal' Beholders so well.  Beholder Mutates speak Beholder or Common.

Central Eye (Su): Each Beholder Mutate has a central Eye that is a Gaze Attack.  Range is 30 feet regardless of size.  Save DC to negate is 12 for Small, 14 for Medium, 18 for Large, and 26 for Large (Save DC is Charisma Based).  This can duplicate most spell effects of 6th level or less.  Optionally it may have the standard Beholder Antimagic eye.

Eye Rays (Su): Each of a Beholders eyestalks can produce a magical ray once per round as a Free Action.  Each rays effects resemble a spell, but follow the rules for a ray (see Aiming a Spell, PHB page 175).  A Small Beholder has 3 eyestalks, a Medium has 6, a Large has 10, and  a Huge one has 15.  Caster level is equal to (Hit Dice plus 2).  The amount of rays a Beholder can focus in any 90 degree arc varies with size: 2 for Small or Medium, 3 for Large, or 4 for Huge.  The effects of the Rays themselves vary wildly.  A Small Beholder has eye rays equivalent to two 1st level and one 2nd level spells.  A Medium Beholder has eye rays equivalent to one 1st level spell, three 2nd level spells, and one 3rd level spell.  A Large Beholder has eye rays equivalent to two 1st level, one 2nd level, one 3rd level, two 4th level, one 5th level, two 6th level, and one 7th level spell.  A Huge Beholder has eye rays equivalent to four 1st level, two 2nd level, two 3rd level, two 4th level, two 5th level, two 6th level, and one 7th level spells.  These spells must be ones that specifically target an individual.

All-Around Vision (Ex): The Beholders eyes give it a +4 racial bonus on Spot and Search checks, and they cannot be flanked.

Flight (Ex): A Beholders body is naturally buoyant granting it a permanent Feather Fall effect as per the spell of the same name with personal range.

Combat: Surprisingly similar to most Beholders, depending on what exact abilities their eye rays give them.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 13, 2009, 12:52:42 PM
Funk Ape
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 4d10+8 (30 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Dex, +2 Natural. +2 Deflection), touch 14, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+6
Attack: Slam +6 melee (1d4+2)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +6 melee (1d4+2) and 1 Bite +1 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Funk, Blur
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60 ft., Immunities
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +6, Will +3
Abilities: Str 15, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 12
Skills: Climb +10, Listen +8, Spot +7
Feats: Alertness, Ability Focus (Funk)
Environment: Warm Forest
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 5-8 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---


" Oh..ohmigod...what is that?  It smells like mindflayer poop and burning rubber...avenge me...sputter...cough..."

Funk Apes are the result of experiments by Prak the Mad. Prak had set up shop in what was eventually to become known as Bad Critter forest, and begun experimenting on the life there, turning most of the local animals into Magical Beasts in the process. The Funk Ape appears to be a large baboon that smells bad. Really bad. So bad in fact that even the dead are repulsed. The miasma surrounding the Funk Ape even causes the air to shimmer and distort like some kind of haze.

Skills: Funk Apes get a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb checks, and can always take 10 on climb checks even if rushed or threatened.

Funk (Su): The Funk Ape smells bad. Any creature within 60' of it that can smell is in trouble. Even if it can't smell something seems to bother it. Once inside this area all living creatures with a sense of smell must make a DC 16 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based) or pass out for 1d6 rounds, be Nauseated for 1d6 rounds after awakening, and then Sickened for 1d6 hours more. As long as the creature remains within 60' of the Funk Ape it will have to make Saves to avoid unconsciousness. Creatures that aren't living or that have no sense of smell (or that are incorporeal) must also make a DC 16 Fortitude Save, or be Sickened as long as they are within 60' of the Funk Ape.

Blur (Su): Due to the air around it boiling the Funk Ape permanently has it's own personal Blur spell.

Immunities (Ex): Funk Apes are immune to disease (it's killed off by their Funk), inhaled gases or poisons (which can't get through the Funk), and any attack relying on their sense of smell (they have none due to the Funk).

Combat: Funk Apes are only mildly aggressive and usually sit in trees and fling poo at intruders. Occasionally they'll get riled up and charge. After that they just continuously whack their opponent till he falls or they run away if hurt too bad.  Most opponents simply black out or puke near them which is and endless supply of entertainment for the ape.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 13, 2009, 12:58:17 PM
Vorpal Shrew Swarm
Diminutive Magical Beast (Swarm)
Hit Dice: 12d10+12 (78 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 15 ft. (3 squares), climb 15 ft.
Armor Class: 20 (+4 Size, +5 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 19, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/-
Attack: Swarm (3d6 plus poison)
Full Attack: Swarm (3d6 plus poison)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Vorpal Attacks, Distraction, Poison
Special Qualities: Immune to Weapon Damage, Low Light Vision, Scent, Swarm Traits
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +13, Will +6
Abilities: Str 6, Dex 20, Con 13, Int 6, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills: Balance +13, Climb +16, Hide +12, Listen +7, Move Silently +12, Spot +7
Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Diehard, Track
Environment: Any Forest
Organization: Solitary, Pair, Mob (2-4 Swarms), Big Mob (10-15 swarms)
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ---

"Abner...I don't like the way thet grass is movin'..I think we should leave..."

Vorpal Shrews are creations by Prak the Mad, the mage of Bad Critter Forest (and one he actually regrets). Their magically enhanced natural weapons cut through anything (meaning a single shrew makes touch attacks). They appear to be normal (if somewhat rabid) shrews.  And by somewhat rabid we mean "teensy mouth-frothing horrors from the Pit".

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude Save DC 17, Initial and Secondary Damage 1d4 Dex. Save DC is Constitution Based. Shrews excrete most of the poisons that build up in their body in their saliva.

Vorpal Attacks (Su): The damage from Vorpal Shrews Natural Attacks is untyped, meaning it bypasses Damage Reduction.

Skills: Vorpal Shrews have a +8 Racial Bonus on Balance, and Climb checks. They also have a +4 Racial Bonus on Hide and Move Silently checks. They may use their Dex or Str modifier for Climb checks, whichever is better, and may always Take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened.

Combat: Vorpal Shrews pretty much use standard swarm tactics, i.e. rush the victim and start chewing.  Plus they make these horrifying lil' squeaky noises that will keep you awake at nights if you survive. 
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 14, 2009, 01:42:58 PM
Devil Mice Swarm
Diminutive Magical Beast (Swarm)
Hit Dice: 12d10+12 (78 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 15 ft. (3 squares), climb 15 ft.
Armor Class: 20 (+4 Size, +5 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 19, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/-
Attack: Swarm (3d6 plus poison)
Full Attack: Swarm (3d6 plus poison)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Summon Swarm, Distraction, Poison
Special Qualities: Immune to Weapon Damage, Low Light Vision, Scent, Swarm Traits, Dark Vision 60', Telepathy 100', Immune to Fire and Poison, Energy Resistance 20 (Cold and Acid)
Saves: Fort +10 Ref +13, Will +6
Abilities: Str 4, Dex 21, Con 14, Int 10, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills: Balance +13, Climb +16, Hide +12, Listen +7, Move Silently +12, Spot +7
Feats: Ability Focus (Poison), Alertness,
Environment: Any Forest
Organization: Solitary, Pair, Mob (2-4 Swarms), Big Mob (10-15 swarms)
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral Evil
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ---

"Abner...Abner the mice got horns...and they's tellin' me bad things..."

Yet another creation of the mad wizard of Bad Critter Forest, these mice have a fiendish ancestry of some sort. They appear to be mice or hamsters with black fur, red eyes, and teensy little devil horns. Despite this they are not Extraplanar entities, nor do they seem to have alignment restrictions.  Which just drives mages studying them nuts.  Devil Mice speak Common and Infernal.

Skills: Devil Mice have a +8 Racial Bonus on Balance, and Climb checks. They also have a +4 Racial Bonus on Hide and Move Silently checks. They may use their Dex or Str modifier for Climb checks, whichever is better, and may always Take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened.

Summon Swarm (Su): Devil Mice can try summon another Swarm of Devil Mice once per day with a 35% chance of success.

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude Save DC 20, Initial and Secondary Damage is 1d4 Str.

Combat: Devil Mice usually hide while trying to summon another swarm before moving in for the kill and nibbling their victim to death in a rude manner.  Being intelligent however, you can try to bluff or bribe them.  Bribing generally works better.  You'd be surprised what evil mice will accept in exchange for not devouring you in your sleep.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 14, 2009, 01:49:25 PM
Mysterious Magical Maniacal Miniaturized Moose Swarm
Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 12d10 (66 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Size, +3 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/-
Attack: Swarm (3d6)
Full Attack: Swarm (3d6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Distraction, Trip
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Swarm Traits, Half Damage from Slashing and Piercing
Saves: Fort +10, Ref +11, Will +5
Abilities: Str 6, Dex 16, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 4
Skills: Hide +10, Listen +8, Spot +8
Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Great Fortitude, Run
Environment: Cold or Temperate Forests
Organization: Solitary, Herd (3-5 Swarms)
Challenge Rating: 7
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ---


"Maw...Maw the mooses got Abner..."

These are a species of magically created miniature moose the size of cats. The gods alone known what they were created for.  They seem as stubborn and irrationally violent as the usual sized moose.  perhaps a tad more so, as they have to make up for their lack of size.  Originating in Bad Critter Forest (figures), they have spread quickly over the world.

Trip (Ex): The Moose swarm will attempt to knock opponents over, and then trample on them. Any creature they subject to their Swarm attack they immediately get a Trip attack against as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity (and the opponent can't try to trip them back).  Their Swarm attack does +1d6 against Prone opponents.

Combat: The Mooseswarm will charge, and try to knock it's opponent over, before repeatedly jumping up and down on it. If it cannot eventually trip an opponent it will flee.  Before sneaking back up on him an hour later when his guard is down and trying it again just for the sake of stubborness.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 15, 2009, 10:56:11 AM

Teal Hulk
                      Small Aberration
Hit Dice:             3d8+3 (16 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Climb 20 ft., Burrow 20 ft.
Armor Class:          19 (+1 Small, +2 Dex, +6 natural), touch 13, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/-1
Attack:               Claw +5 melee (1d4+1)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +5 melee (1d4+1) and 1 Bite +0 melee (2d4)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Charm Gaze
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 30', Tremorsense 40'
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 15, Con 12, Int 11, Wis 11, Cha 11
Skills:               Climb +11, Hide +8, Jump +3, Move Silently +4, Listen +2, Spot +2
Feats:                Blind-Fight, Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Underground
Organization:         Solitary, Cluster (3-6), or Hive (10-100)
Challenge Rating:     2?
Treasure:             Half Standard
Alignment:            Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement:          4 HD (Small), 5-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Bert...Bert there's this weird blue/green bug eating my boot...it's a really big bug Bert..."

The city of Gandalf's Folly is known for many things, chief among them it's Wizard's college.  And the college's many, potentially devastating competitions.  Wizards are prone to madness after all.  One of the worst is the Evil Minion competition.  All competitors take a common monster, and manipulate it into what they consider the perfect evil minion.  This most recent competition involved the Umber Hulk (you can already see where this is going bad).  Professor Nwakuche's entry is a bluish-green Hulk that's only a scant 2 feet 6 inches tall, and weighing in at 50 pounds at most.  It's Charming Gaze and stealth due to it's small size make it quite useful.  Unfortunately the Teal Hulk's rapid reproductive rate, and tendencies to swarm makes up for it's advantages.  Teal Hulks speak Terran.


Charm Gaze: Charm Monster as per the spell, 30', Willpower DC 12 negates, Caster Level equal to Hit Dice, Save DC is Charisma Based.

Combat: Teal Hulks try to usually Charm opponents, and get them to help out the Hive before sending them on their way or using them to feed the young.  If the gaze attack doesn't work they swarm the outsider and begin biting his legs furiously.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 16, 2009, 12:37:11 PM
Sienna Hulk
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             8d8+24 (60 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                30 ft. (5 squares), Burrow 20 ft.
Armor Class:          19 (-1 Large, +2 Dex, +8 natural), touch 11, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+20
Attack:               Claw +11 melee (1d8+6)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +11 melee (1d8+6) and 1 Bite +9 melee (2d8+3)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Despairing Gaze
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Tremorsense 60'
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 22, Dex 15, Con 17, Int 9, Wis 11, Cha 15
Skills:               Climb +9, Jump +9, Listen +3, Spot +2
Feats:                Ability Focus (Gaze), Irresistible Gaze (see Savage Species), Multiattack
Environment:          Underground
Organization:         Solitary, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Lawful Evil
Advancement:          9-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Wow...that's the freakiest bug thing ah evah did see.  Hey Bert you 'spose he's friendly?  Bert? Uh oh..."

Professor Butler had often taken a lot of bad jokes based on his name.  A lot.  As a result he often suffered from crushing depression.  Then he heard about the minion contest.  Soon all would feel his depression! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  Sienna hulks are tall, thin yellow-brown Hulks standing roughly 12 feet tall but weighing only 500 pounds or so.  Not as intelligent as the Umber Hulk, their gaze is a bit more powerful causing opponents to succumb to despair.  Unfortunately close proximity to his new minions caused Professor Butler to kill himself.  The Sienna Hulks ate him, and proceeded to kill off his students. 

Despairing Gaze: Crushing Despair, 30', Willpower Save DC 20 negates, Save DC is Charisma based.

Combat: Sienna Hulks fight pretty similarly to a regular Umber Hulk.  They do rely more on their gaze to soften up opponents though.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 18, 2009, 09:53:27 AM
Magenta Hulk
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             10d8+50 (95 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                15 ft. (4 squares), Burrow 10 ft.
Armor Class:          20 (-1 Large, +11 natural), touch 9, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple:  +7/+22
Attack:               Claw +13 melee (1d8+7)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +13 melee (1d8+7) and 1 Bite +11 melee (2d8+3)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Rebuking Gaze
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Tremorsense 60'
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +3, Will +7
Abilities:            Str 25, Dex 11, Con 19, Int 9, Wis 11, Cha 15
Skills:               Listen +6, Spot +7
Feats:                Cumbrous Fortitude, Improved Toughness, Irresistible Gaze, Multiattack*
Environment:          Underground
Organization:         Solitary, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     8
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement:          11-15 HD (Large), 16-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

*Cumbrous Fortitude, Irresistible Gaze are from Savage Species.

"Hahahahaha!!! Thats the fattest Hulk I've ever seen!  Oh crap...Oh crap, dude, I think we made him angry!"

Professor Esther had long been teased about her weight.  After years it had gotten to the point where she decided to show people in the competition not only was big okay, it was better.  And to some extent she was right.  Her minions were a bit tougher than the usual Hulk.  But she didn't realize increased mass meant increased appetite.  Fortunately she wasn't around for the eating spree, but her students weren't so lucky.  Magenta hulks are a light purplish red.  While they stand no taller than a regular Hulk they weigh almost half again as much.  They speak Terran.

Rebuking Gaze: Greater Rebuke, 30', Willpower Save DC 18 negates, Save DC is Charisma based. (Greater Rebuke may be found in Spell Compendium)

Combat: magenta Hulks soften their opponents up with their Gaze and then move in.  They're pretty much like normal Hulks, but their hunger leads them to try to eat any downed victims, often taking at least one of them out of the combat if they kill an opponent.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 18, 2009, 10:16:45 AM

Death Gerbil Swarm
Diminutive Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 15d10+45 (127 hp)
Initiative: +9
Speed: 15 ft. (3 squares), Climb 15 ft., Swim 15 ft., Burrow 15 ft.
Armor Class: 24 (+4 Size, +5 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 19, flat-footed 19
Base Attack/Grapple: +15/-
Attack: Swarm (3d6 plus poison)
Full Attack: Swarm (3d6 plus poison)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Distraction, Poison
Special Qualities: Immune to Weapon Damage, Low Light Vision, Scent, Swarm Traits, Dark Vision 60', Preternatually Tough
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +15, Will +8
Abilities: Str 4, Dex 21, Con 12, Int 14, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills: Balance +16, Climb +16, Hide +32, Listen +14, Move Silently +19, Spot +14, Survival +12, Swim +12
Feats: Alertness, Ability Focus (Poison), Dodge, Improved Initiative, Brachiation (B, yes I know they have pudgy little hamster legs, they still swing from trees)
Environment: Any Warm
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Big Swarm (3-6 swarms)
Challenge Rating: 8??
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ---

"Abner...Abner I think that mouse ate something bad 'fore it bit me..."

Death Gerbils are small gerbil or hamster like critters once again made by insane wizards hellbent on ruining the reputation of their profession.  Just once you think they'd make soemthing useful that didn't end up killing people and infesting the town.  Colors vary, but most have the same insane gleam in their eyes.  It's easy to recognize them from the local rodents as they're cuter, and look like they want to eat you.  Most gerbils aren't carnivorous, nor do they discuss with you how you'd like to be prepared after you are killed.  Death Gerbils understand Common, and 2 other languages (usually of nearby races wherever they live).

Skills: Death Gerbils have a +8 Racial Bonus on Balance, and Climb checks. They also have a +4 Racial Bonus on Hide and Move Silently checks. They may use their Dex or Str modifier for Climb checks, whichever is better, and may always Take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened.

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fort Save DC 20, Initial and Secondary Damage 1d4 Strength

Preternaturally Tough (Ex): Death Gerbils have a Racial Bonus to their Saving Throws equal to their Constitution Modifier (yes this means they get double their Con mod for Fort Saves). They also get an additional 2 hp per Hit Die.

Combat: Capable of climbing, swimming, burrowing, or swinging through the trees if necessary, Death Gerbils are all terrain munching machines.  Think of them as fuzzy pirhana.  Being intelligent it is possible to bribe them however.  If you happen to have dozens of suits of gerbil sized magical armor on you it might even be exceptionally possible.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 18, 2009, 10:21:25 AM
Lemming Swarm
Fine Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 12d10 (66 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 15 ft. (3 squares), burrow 15 ft.
Armor Class: 20 (+8 Size, +2 Dex), touch 20, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/-
Attack: Swarm (3d6+curse)
Full Attack: Swarm (3d6+curse)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Distraction
Special Qualities: Swarm Traits, Dark Vision 60', Immune to Weapon Damage, Lemming Curse
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +10, Will +6
Abilities: Str 1, Dex 15, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills: Hide +18, Listen +7, Spot +7, Swim +4
Feats: Alertness, Ability Focus (Lemmings Curse), Endurance, Run, Cold Endurance
Environment: Temperate or Cold Forest, Hills, Mountains, or Plains
Organization: Solitary, Cluster (3-6 Swarms), or Hive (10-20 Swarms) plus converts (CR of converts should be equal to 1/2 total CR of the swarms)
Challenge Rating: 7
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Neutral
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ----

"Bert I don't like the way them critters is lookin' at us.  Bert?  Bert why you lookin' at me like them thangs over there?"

These look pretty much like any other Lemming.  Little fuzzy critters.  WHo munch endlessly and occasionally swarm for no apparent reason.  Surrounded by large, sometimes not so fuzzy critters with blank expressions on their faces...  Dammit you're gonna have to have a talk with the local Wizards again.

Lemmings Curse (Su): Anyone subjected to the Lemmings Swarm attack must make a DC 18 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma based) or also be subjected to the Lemmings Curse. If it makes the Save it is immune to this swarms curse for 24 hours. If it fails it's mental stats become the same as the Lemming Swarms, and it believes itself to be one of them. The victim will do it's absolute best to defend the swarm. However it will possibly lose some feats, spells, class abilities, etc due to it's new mental stats. Since it now has the mind of a Lemming it no longer understands any language, and cannot communicate. Nor does it remember it's old life or friends. The curse lasts until the poor fool is eaten, or some kind soul casts Remove Curse/Miracle/Wish, etc.

Combat: The Lemmings aren't interested in wiping opponents out as having them join the horde.  If something is immune to their Curse, they'll have the converts take him out back, so to speak...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 18, 2009, 10:25:00 AM


Carnivorous Jungle Death Penguin Swarm
Tiny Magical Beast (Swarm)
Hit Dice: 5d10+5 (32 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 15 ft. (3 squares), Swim 15 ft.
Armor Class: 12 (+2 Size), touch 12, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/-
Attack: Swarm (1d6)
Full Attack: Swarm (1d6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Distraction
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60', Swarm Traits, Half Damage from Slashing/Piercing Weapons
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +3
Abilities: Str 2, Dex 10, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 2
Skills: Hide +10, Jump +16, Listen +5, Spot +5, Swim +8
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Warm Forest
Organization: Solitary, Pair, Group (3-5 Swarms)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: -

"Penguins?  What the hell are penguins doing in the jungle?"

Humphrey Billingsworth the 3rd was a liar, a cheat, and a complete and utter scoundrel. Unfortunately for the world he also had a taste for primitive tribal women. A taste he indulged while in wizardry school. One, an Orc named Ils, taunted him into entering a competition to create a new species. Humphrey should have known better. Usually these competitions get out of hand, and half the contestants get killed when someones awakened land roving giant squid entry creates an army of the dead and proceeds to take over the campus. But he was in lust. He was also broke. And lacking in even the most basic tenets of common sense. So he broke into the colleges menagerie to steal some subjects, nearly got eaten by an Owlbear, and managed to abscond with several penguins. He was supposed to make a species for jungle habitats.

With penguins.

Needless to say he quickly got incredibly drunk out of despair. And then he decided to say what the hell and just give mutating them a try. Unfortunately for the world "what the hell" came after 3 bottles of Elvish wine. Penguins had several problems adapting to a jungle existence. They couldn't stand heat, they had ridiculously stubby little legs, and virtually no real offensive capability. So he gave them retractable fangs to fix the fighting problem. He tried giving them flight, but at best they had some of pseudo levitation they could use in spurts that allowed them to travel by hopping which they seemed to enjoy immensely. Running out of time he decided to try and use the tactic that "no one would see them coming, they'll make the perfect ambush minion" when he introduced them to the judges the next day. He then locked the penguins up for the night, and passed out.

He locked them up next to a fiendish artifact the school had just taken in for study that had gigantic signs around it saying "STAY 30 FEET FROM THIS THING AT ALL TIMES".

In his defense he was stone drunk.

Long story short the several penguins became several thousand overnight. They ate the competition. And Humphrey, and Ils, and most of the local population. In the afterlife the Gods and Fiends both pretty much rejected Humphrey's soul, and at this moment it seems likely he will become a Vestige. A sad penguiny Vestige.

Skills: Jungle Death Penguins have a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim checks, and can always Take 10 on a Swim chck. They also have a +20 Racial Bonus to Jump Checks.

Combat: Ummm..they're penguins. Penguins aren't known for tactical sense. They just sort of bounce toward the victim and nibble.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 19, 2009, 12:40:04 PM
Aquamarine Hulk
                      Large Aberration (Aquatic)
Hit Dice:             8d8+24 (60 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                20 ft. (5 squares), Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class:          19 (-1 Large, +2 Dex, +8 natural), touch 11, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+19
Attack:               Claw +10 melee (1d8+5)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +10 melee (1d8+5) and 1 Bite +5 melee (2d8+2)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Light Gaze
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Blindsense 60', Amphibious
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +4, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 21, Dex 15, Con 19, Int 11, Wis 11, Cha 13
Skills:               Listen +7, Search +7, Spot +8, Swim +13
Feats:                Ability Focus (Gaze), Great Fortitude, Swim-By Attack*
Environment:          Warm or Temperate Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          9-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

*Swim-By Attack may be found in Stormwrack.

"Abner...ah just saw a huge bug eat the carp we pulled in...ah think we're dun fishin'"

Professor Jingang's headquarters were underwater, making her somewhat upset over the choice of a very non water traveling race for the competition.  But she adapted.  Aquamarine Hulks are a pale blue water dwelling species of Hulk with fins and pulsing gills and what have you.  Normal Hulks get sick looking at them for some reason.  They just don't get along.  Aquamarine Hulk speak Aquan.

Light Gaze: Rainbow Pattern, 30', Willpower Save DC 17 negates, Save DC is Charisma Based.

Skills: Aquamarine Hulks get a +8 Racial Bonus on all Swim Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Swim Check.  They may use the Run Action while swimming in a straight line.

Combat: Aquamarine Hulks prefer hit and run tactics to stand up fighting, especially since they usually are able to take more advantage of their environment than invading adventurers.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 19, 2009, 12:41:44 PM

(http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc70/bhutastan/monsters/chikin.jpg)

                      Chicken Lord, Hatchling
                      Small Magical Beast (Evil)
Hit Dice:             3d10+3 (19 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class:          12 (+1 Size, +1 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/-3
Attack:               Peck +1 melee (1d3-2)
Full Attack:          Peck +1 melee (1d3-2)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Lord of the Chikins, BAWK!,
Special Qualities:    Spontaneous Awakening,  Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 30'
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +3, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 6, Dex 10, Con 12, Int 12, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills:               Bluff +3, Concentration +3, Hide +2, Knowledge (Local) +3, Listen +5, Move Silently +3, Search +3, Sense Motive +3, Spot +5
Feats:               Alertness, Weapon Focus (Peck)
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Neutral Evil
Advancement:          4-5 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment:     ---


 Chicken Lord, Young
                      Medium Magical Beast (Evil)
Hit Dice:             6d10+12 (45 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (+1 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+6
Attack:               Peck +6 melee (1d4) or Eye Ray +7 Ranged Touch (1d8)
Full Attack:          Peck +6 melee (1d4) or Eye Ray +7 Ranged Touch (1d8)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Lord of the Chikins, BAWK!, Eye Rays
Special Qualities:    Spontaneous Awakening, SR 16, Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 60', Damage Reduction 5/Magic, Fast Healing 3
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +6, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 12, Con 14, Int 14, Wis 14, Cha 14
Skills:               Bluff +4, Concentration +4, Gather Information +4, Hide +3, Intimidate +4, Knowledge (Arcana, Local, Nature) +4, Listen +4, Move Silently +3, Search +4, Sense Motive +4, Spellcraft +4, Spot +4
Feats:               Alertness, Improved Initiative, Weapon Focus (Peck)
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Neutral Evil
Advancement:          7-11 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---




 Chicken Lord, Adult
                      Large Magical Beast (Evil)
Hit Dice:             12d10+36 (102 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +12/+18
Attack:               Peck +13 melee (1d6+2) or Eye Ray +12 Ranged Touch (2d6)
Full Attack:          Peck +13 melee (1d6+2) or Eye Ray +12 Ranged Touch (2d6)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Lord of the Chikins, BAWK!, Smite Non-Chikin, Eye Rays
Special Qualities:    Spontaneous Awakening, SR 22,  Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 90', Damage Reduction 5/Magic, Fast Healing 5
Saves:                Fort +11, Ref +9, Will +7
Abilities:            Str 14, Dex 12, Con 16, Int 14, Wis 16, Cha 16
Skills:               Bluff +7, Concentration +7, Gather Information +5, Hide +1, Intimidate +7, Knowledge (Arcana, Local, Nature) +6, Listen +7, Move Silently +5, Search +6, Sense Motive +5, Spellcraft +6, Spot +7
Feats:               Alertness, Improved Initiative, Point Blank Shot, Precise Shot, Weapon Focus (Peck)
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     8
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Neutral Evil
Advancement:          13-23 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---




 Chicken Lord, Mature Adult
                      Huge Magical Beast (Evil)
Hit Dice:             24d10+120 (252 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          24 (-2 Size, +12 Natural, +4 Profane), touch 12, flat-footed 24
Base Attack/Grapple:  +24/+38
Attack:               Peck +28 melee (1d8+6/19-20) or Eye Ray +22 Ranged Touch (3d6)
Full Attack:          Peck +28 melee (1d8+6/19-20) or Eye Ray +22 Ranged Touch (3d6)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Lord of the Chikins, BAWK!, Smite Non-Chikin, Eye Rays
Special Qualities:    Spontaneous Awakening, SR 34, Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 120', Damage Reduction 10/Magic, Fast Healing 5
Saves:                Fort +19, Ref +14, Will +12
Abilities:             Str 22, Dex 10, Con 20, Int 16, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills:               Bluff +13, Concentration +15, Gather Information +13, Hide +1, Intimidate +13, Knowledge (Arcana, Local, Nature) +12, Listen +13, Move Silently +9, Search +12, Sense Motive +13, Spellcraft +12, Spot +13
Feats:               Alertness, Blind-Fight, Combat Reflexes, Improved Critical (Peck), Improved Initiative, Point Blank Shot, Power Critical (Peck), Precise Shot, Weapon Focus (Peck)
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     17
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Neutral Evil
Advancement:          25-47 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---




 Chicken Lord, Lord
                      Gargantuan Magical Beast (Evil)
Hit Dice:             48d10+336 (600 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          28 (-4 Size, -1 Dex, +18 Natural, +5 Profane), touch 10, flat-footed 28
Base Attack/Grapple:  +48/+70
Attack:               Peck +54 melee (2d6+10/19-20) or Eye Ray +43 Ranged Touch (4d6)
Full Attack:          Peck +54 melee (2d6+10/19-20) or Eye Ray +43 Ranged Touch (4d6)
Space/Reach:          20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Lord of the Chikins, BAWK!, Smite Non-Chikin, Eye Rays
Special Qualities:    Spontaneous Awakening, SR 58, Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 240', Damage Reduction 15/Magic, Regeneration 5
Saves:                Fort +36, Ref +25, Will +25
Abilities:            Str 30, Dex 8, Con 24, Int 18, Wis 20, Cha 20
Skills:               Bluff +25, Concentration +27, Gather Information +25, Hide +7, Intimidate +44, Knowledge (Arcana, Local, Nature) +24, Listen +25, Move Silently +18, Search +24, Sense Motive +25, Spellcraft +24, Spot +25
Feats:               Alertness, Blind-Fight, Cleave, Combat Reflexes, Devastating Critical, Epic Fortitude, Epic Will, Great Cleave, Improved Critical (Peck), Improved Initiative, overwhelming Critical, Point Blank Shot, Power Attack, Power Critical (Peck), Precise Shot, Spellcasting Harrier, Weapon Focus (Peck) *
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     23
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Neutral Evil
Advancement:          49+ HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ---

*Power Critical is from Complete Warrior.  Other Feats not in the PHB are from the Draconomicon.


"Jeb...the chikins is revolting!"

"You need ta clean them cages more oftin Abner."

"No, goddangit!! I mean they're formin' a mob!"

"MAW!! Maw git me mah mob wallopin' 2 by 4!"


Every so often a demonic lord of evil is born to a humble chicken.  Upon his hatching the sky darkens.  The earth trembles.  Cows spontaneously burst into flame.  And all the chickens awaken to sapience and become evil.  Evil birds hellbent on the murders of poor, innocent farmers.  The newly born Chicken Lord must be killed quickly before it's powers get out of hand.  Within 20 days it will have progressed from a Hatchling to a young Chicken Lord.  At this point the range of their powers increase, and they can use their eye rays.  Pretty much ensuring the ambush of the local farmer.  In another 30 days they'll be a young adult, and they can change the local peasants into chickens under their control.  By this time they may have taken over the local village.  In 30 more days they will be a Mature Adult, and will only be stoppable by strong heroes.  If they can avoid death for another year they become a full blown Chicken Lord.  At this point stopping them is very difficult, and the world may all become chickens.  Chicken Lords appear to be normal roosters, and can speak and understand Common, and Sylvan.  Despite the description they are not actually demons.  Nor does anyone know why they happen, or why they are hellbent on ruling the world.  Common rumor has it that they are how the Gods screw with people.

BAWK! (Su): As a Standard Action a Chicken Lord may crow loudly.  The exact effects depend on age.  The Radius of effect is 10' for a Hatchling, 30' for Young, 60' for Adult, 120' for Mature Adult, and 240' for Lord.  In all cases any opponent in Range must make a Fortitude Save (DC 12 for Hatchling, DC 15 for Young, DC 19 Adult, DC 27 Mature Adult, DC 41 Lord, Save DC is Constitution Based) or be Deafened permanently.  They must also make a Willpower Save (DC 12 for Hatchling, DC 15 for Young, DC 19 Adult, DC 26 Mature Adult, DC 39 Lord, Save DC is Charisma Based) or be Frightened for 1d6 rounds (2d6 rounds once it is Adult or older).  All opponents also take some amount of Sonic Damage (1d6 Hatchling, 2d6 Young, 4d6 Adult, 8d6 Mature Adult, 16d6 Lord) if they are in the Area of Effect.  They get a Reflex Save (DC 12 for Hatchling, DC 15 for Young, DC 19 Adult, DC 26 Mature Adult, DC 39 Lord, Save DC is Charisma Based) for half damage.  The BAWK! can be heard for miles.

Smite Non-Chikin (Su): The Chicken Lord may cast Baleful Polymorph 5 times per day as a Supernatural Ability (DC 19 Adult, DC 26 Mature Adult, DC 39 Lord), but it only works on non-chickens, and only turns them into chickens.  It does not gain this ability until it becomes an adult.  Once a chicken the victim immediately becomes vulnerable to Lord of the Chikins.

Eye Rays (Su): Once it gets to Young age a Chicken Lord can shoot rays of Force from their eyes as a Ranged Touch Attack (this is considered a Ray Attack, see Aiming a Spell PHB page 175). Range is 50' for Young, 100' for Adult, 150' for Mature Adult, and 250' for Lord.

Lord of the Chikins (Su):  Chicken Lord can telepathically communicate and have absolute mental control (as per Dominate Monster) over all Chickens within a certain radius of themselves (Hatchling: 100 ft., Young: 500 ft.,  Adult: 1000 ft., Mature Adult: 1 mile, Lord: 10 miles).

Spontaneous Awakening (Su): When a Chicken Lord hatches all chickens within 100 feet spontaneously awaken, as do any chickens that come within range of the Chicken Lords 'Lord of the Chikins' power.  They also become Neutral Evil.

Combat: Chicken Lords generally just hide until they have their eye rays (and even then they hide against larger foes).  Generally they try to fight from range until they get older.  Then they just blast away with their Smite ability until all their foes are chickens, and therefore their subjects.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 23, 2009, 10:49:34 AM
Cerise Hulk
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             8d8+24 (60 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                20 ft. (5 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class:          18 (-1 Large, +1 Dex, +8 natural), touch 10, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+19
Attack:               Claw +10 melee (1d8+5)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +10 melee (1d8+5) and 1 Bite +10 melee (2d8+2)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Fear Gaze
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Tremorsense 60'
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +3, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 21, Dex 13, Con 19, Int 11, Wis 11, Cha 15
Skills:               Climb +18, Jump +10, Listen +6, Spot +6
Feats:                Improved Initiative, Improved Multiattack, Multiattack
Environment:          Warm Forests
Organization:         Solitary, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          9-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Dude...dude do you smell cherries??"

Professor Zvonko had always liked cherries, and his entry to the minion competition both smell and look like them.  Wanting minions perfect for keeping pests away from his cherry bushes.  The Cerise Hulks Fear gaze makes it perfect for this role. They otherwise seem like regular Hulks, and speak Terran.

Fear Gaze (Su): Fear, 30', DC 16 Willpower Save negates, Save DC is Charisma based.

Skills: Cerise Hulks have a +8 Racial Bonus to CLimb checks, and may always take 10 on a Climb check.

Combat: Cerise Hulks will usually blast opponent with their Gaze, and then attack if they don't run away
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on January 24, 2009, 02:37:29 AM
Ok, I like the creations attributed to my namesake. Very nice.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 24, 2009, 01:51:44 PM
was hoping you'd liek  :D

Cerulean Hulk
                      Medium Aberration
Hit Dice:             4d8+8 (26 hp)
Initiative:           +6
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          17 (+2 Dex, +5 natural), touch 12, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+5
Attack:               Claw +5 melee (1d6+2)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +5 melee (1d6+2) and 1 Bite +3 melee (2d6+1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Lightning Gaze
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Tremorsense 60'
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +3, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 15, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 11, Wis 11, Cha 15
Skills:               Climb +5, Jump +5, Listen +4, Spot +4
Feats:               Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Multiattack
Environment:          Cold Forests
Organization:         Solitary, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          5-8 HD (Medium), 9-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Hey Abner...member how maw allus told us not to pee on the electric fence...it goes for bugs too..."

Professor Gorm didn't want some namby pamby gaze attacking Hulk for his entry.  Gaze attacks were for sissies.  He wanted to breed them out of his creation and make them tougher.  Real minions don't need range.  His plans backfired, and his minions now shoot ball lightning, probably as a result of his using massive amounts of electricity in his experiments making them.  Nor are they tougher than regular Hulks.  Fortunately the electrical burns to his kidneys could be regenerated.  Cerulean Hulks speak Auran.

Lightning Gaze (Sp): The Cerulean Hulk may cast Orb of Electricity at will as a Spell-Like Ability.  Caster Level is equal to Hit Dice.

Combat: Cerulean Hulks just sit back and blast away with their electrical powers.  They're kinda lazy tactically for Hulks.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 24, 2009, 02:11:09 PM
The Dire Goldfish
Extra Super Biggie Size Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 400d10+9200 (11400 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: Swim 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 81 (-16 Size, -1 Dex, +88 Natural), touch 0, flat-footed 81
Base Attack/Grapple: +404/+470
Attack: Nibble +423 melee (4d6+72/19-20)
Full Attack: Nibble +423 melee (4d6+72/19-20)
Space/Reach: 200 ft./150 ft.
Special Attacks: Unsettling Presence, Plow
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60', Low Light Vision, Blindsense, Damage Reduction 60/-
Saves: Fort +228, Ref +207, Will +140
Abilities: Str 80, Dex 8, Con 50, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 25
Skills: Listen +137, Spot +137, Swim +177
Feats: Alertness, Cleave, Close-Quarters Fighting, Cumbrous Fortitude, Cumbrous Reflexes, Cumbrous Will, Damage Reduction (x20), Danger Sense, Devastating Critical (Nibble), Diehard, Endurance, Epic Fortitude, Epic Prowess (x4), Epic Reflexes, Epic Toughness (x 40), Epic Will, Great Cleave, Great Fortitude, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Critical (Nibble), Improved Initiative, Improved Natural Armor (x41), Improved Snatch, Multisnatch, Iron Will, Large and In Charge, Overwhelming Critical (Nibble), Power Attack, Power Critical (Nibble), Shock Trooper, Snatch, Swim-By Attack, Weapon Focus (Nibble)
Environment: Elemental Plane of Water
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating:
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 401+ HD (Extra Collosal)
Level Adjustment: ---


"HOLY S___!"

Goldfish collectors know that the larger the bowl you put your goldfish in the bigger it will grow. Someone had the bright idea of taking one to the Plane of Elemental Water to see just how big one could get over time. Bad idea as it turns out.  The Dire Goldfish appears to be effectively Immortal.  It doesn't age, it does eat, but it doesn't appear to need to.

Plow (Ex): The Dire Goldfish rarely cares about smaller life forms and will just swim through them. Effectively it makes it's full movement, and does a Bull Rush against every creature whose square it enters. They also have to make a DC 246 Reflex Save or take 8d8 damage. They take half damage if they save successfully. For purposes of the Plow the Dire Goldfish is 2 Size categories larger than Colossal. Opponents do not gain attacks of opportunity and cannot stop the Goldfishes movement unless they are at least Colossal size.

Unsettling Presence (Ex): Anything within 1 mile of the Dire Goldfish must make a Willpower Save (DC 217) or be Panicked for 2d6 rounds. If they succeed they are instead Frightened for 2d6 rounds. Save DC is Charisma based.

Immortal (Ex): The Dire Goldfish doesn't need to eat, sleep, breathe, and doesn't age.  It is immune to sleep/aging/death effects, disease, poison, mind affecting effects (including Fear and Morale).

Combat: The Dire Goldfish rarely initiates combat unless it is really hungry. At which point it just nibbles away on whatever's biggest and closest. Make sure your faster than other members of the party and it's all good.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 24, 2009, 02:16:34 PM
Bugbear
                      Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             8d10+32 (76 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +8/+22
Attack:               Claw +17 melee (1d6+10)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +17 melee (1d6+10) and 1 Bite +12 melee (1d8+5 plus Poison)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved grab, Poison, Constrict(2d6+20)
Special Qualities:    Scent, Dark Vision 60', Immune to Fear, Random Mutation
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +7, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 30, Dex 13, Con 19, Int 9, Wis 11, Cha 3
Skills:               Climb +10, Intimidate +6, Listen +6, Spot +6
Feats:                Cleave, Improved Initiative, Power Attack
Environment:          Any Warm or Temperate
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     9
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          9-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     --

"Abner...ah'm givin' up huntin'..."

Bugbears are a nightmarish melding of mammal and arthropod.  Their features vary heavily from one generation to the next, with mutations becoming ever more grotesque.  The only constant is that it's usually the size and mass of a brown bear, with a vaguely similar shape.  Spots of fur and chitin wind interchangeably about the body.  The face is a mix of arthropod and mammal, and some arthropod features such as stunted wings or vestigial extra limbs may appear.  Since their appearance many a local mage has fallen victim to a torch wielding mob.


Improved Grab (Ex):  If the Bugbear hits with it's Claw attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it may Constrict next round.

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude DC 18, Initial and Secondary Damage is 1d6 Strength.  Save DC is Constituion based.

Constrict (Ex): The Bugbear does 2d6+20 damage with a successful Grapple Check.

Random Mutation (Ex):  The Bugbear gets one random mutation from the following list:

Wings: The Bugbear gains a Fly Speed of 25 (Poor)

Heavy Chitin: Natural Armor Bonus increases to +12

Long Claws: Increase the Reach of it's Claw Attacks by 5 ft.

Sensory Hairs: The Bugbear gains Blindsight 40'.

Knitting SKin: The Bugbear gains Fast Healing 3.

Horrific: The Bugbear gains Frightful Presence.  Whenever it charges, or attacks any creature with fewer Hit Dice than the Bugbear within 30' must make a DC 14 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Basedm Bugbear gets a +4 Racial Bonus) or be Shaken for 5d6 rounds.  Opponents who successfully make their Save are immune to this Bugbears Frightening Presence for 24 hours.

Spiderlike: The Bugbear may use Spider Climb at will as an Exceptional ability.

Many Eyed: The Bugbear cannot be Flanked.


Combat: Bugbears usually rush into melee blindly and begin hacking away.  Some random mutations make them change their tactics though.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 24, 2009, 02:23:56 PM
Fire Beetle
                      Large Magical Beast (Fire)
Hit Dice:             7d10+21 (59 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          19 (-1 Size, +10 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 19
Base Attack/Grapple:  +7/+17
Attack:               Bite +12 melee (2d6+6+1d6 Fire)
Full Attack:          Bite +12 melee (2d6+6+1d6 Fire)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spew Flame, Burning Touch, Set Fires
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60'
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +5, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 23, Dex 10, Con 17, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 12
Skills:               Listen +5, Spot +5
Feats:                Ability Focus (Spew Flame, Set Fires), Improved Initiative
Environment:         Any Warm or Underground
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     8
Treasure:             Double Gems
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          8-10 HD (Large), 11-21 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

Durin the Dwarf: "This has too be the worst evil minion I've seen yet."
Poofter the Elf: "Well it's a giant bug, I don't know as they're really evil..."
Durin: "Made by an evil mage, so it's an evil minion.  Man look at it.  Who designs evil minions on spurious puns?"
Poofter: "Most of our opponents actually.  Remember that Pope Fish?"
Durin: "Someone really hasta talk with this guy.  Tell him he needs less lame monsters."
Poofter: "But it just burned a fist size hole in Bob's nether regions."
Bob the Human: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Durin: "Which goes to prove it's lameness.  Bob always was a poorly designed character.  6 levels in fighter? Come on!"
Poofter: "I uh..I think we're breaking the fourth wall here..."
Durin: "Screw it.  The writer will take the blame not us."
Poofter: "Your axe is on fire...."
Durin: "Okay now it simply has to die..."

Fire Beetles are 800 pound beetles that appear to be on fire.  Mostly because they are on fire.  Originally conceived as a neat minion by insect obsessed BBEG's, it's drawbacks have become readily apparent over time.  Specifically, it's on fire.  And it spits fire.  And it likes to set fires.  So unles you have an asbestos castle, you got problems.

Spew Flame (Su): The Fire Beetle can spew a 30' Cone of fire once every 1d4 rounds.  This cone does 7d6 Fire damage to anything in it's area (DC 18 Reflex Save for half damage, Save DC is Constitution Based).

Burning Touch (Su): The Fire Beetle itself is incredibly hot.  Atacking it with a weapon (or being attacked by it if you're wearing armor) produces an effect similar to the Heat Metal spell.  Each attack extends the duration by 1 round (DC 14 Will Save negates, Save DC is Charisma Based). Attacking the Fire Beetle with an unarmed strike or natural weapons results in 1d6 Fire damage.

Set Fires (Su): As a Standard Action, once per round the Fire Beetle may set 1 square within 30' on fire if it has any burnable material.  Anyone entering the hex takes 1d6 damage, and must make a DC 15 Reflex Save or catch on fire (see page 303 of the DM's Guide).

Combat:  Fire Beetles will try to set fire to hexes to control it's opponent avenues of approach if it can.  if not it will Spew Flame as they charge in, and rely on it's mandibles to get the job done.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 26, 2009, 01:38:09 PM
Figgy Pudding
Medium Ooze
Hit Dice: 3d10+15 (31 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 10’ (2 squares)
Armor Class: 10, touch 10, flat-footed 10
Base Attack/ Grapple: +2/ +3
Attack: Slam +3 melee (1d6+1 plus 1d6 acid)
Full Attack: Slam +3 melee (1d6+1 plus 1d6 acid)
Space/ Reach: 5’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Constrict 1d6+1 plus 1d6 acid, improved grab, Intoxicating Scent
Special Qualities: Blindsight 60’, Immune to cold and fire, ooze traits, addictive flesh
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +1, Will -4
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 10, Con 21, Int --, Wis 1, Cha 1
Skills: Climb +13
Feats: --
Environment: Cold Forest and Mountains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 5??
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 4-6 HD (Medium), 7-9 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: --


"MUST...CONSUME...PUDDING..."

Figgy Puddings look like blobs of some sort of foodlike substance, and smell delicious. They remain underground in hibernation until winter when they come forth to hunt.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Figgy Pudding hits with it's Slam attack it gets an automatic Grapple check as a Free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it is successful it may begin doing Constriction damage each round it maintains the Grapple.

Constrict (Ex): On a successful Grapple check the Figgy Pudding does 1d6+1 damage and an additional 1d6 acid damage.

Intoxicating Scent (Ex): Anyone within 30 feet of a Figgy Pudding (50 feet if they have Scent) must make a DC 16 Willpower Save (Save DC is Con based) or be consumed by desire to eat the Figgy Pudding. If this happens the Figgy Pudding will split off a small portion of itself (it loses 3 hit points temporarily) and allow it to be consumed. This smaller Figgy Pudding will consume the victim from the inside doing 1d6 points of acid damage per round (beings immune to acid damage will eventually 'evacuate' the pudding) until the victim dies (and it rejoins the larger pudding in devouring the corpse), or a Remove Disease spell kills it (in which case the loss of 3 hit points is permanent for the parent pudding).

Addictive Flesh (Ex): Anyone tasting the flesh of a Figgy Pudding must make a DC 16 Willpower Save (Save DC is Con based) or become addicted to the taste. Thereafter each week the addict must make a DC 10 Willpower Save or compulsively hunt down and try to eat a Figgy Pudding. DC check raises by +1 each week the Save is successful. If the addict cannot get to a Figgy Pudding within one week after a Failed Save he suffers from Insanity (as per the spell) until cured or he gets a Figgy Pudding.

Combat: The Figgy Pudding will let it's Intoxicating Scent do the work for it, and let a potential victim munch away while enveloping it.  Should that fail it will immediately attack the nearest person and attempt to constrict.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 26, 2009, 01:44:18 PM
Paralegal Imp
                      Small Outsider (Evil, Extraplanar, Lawful, Baatezu)
Hit Dice:             3d8 (13 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          19 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/-2
Attack:               Sting +7 melee (1d4-1 plus poison)
Full Attack:          Sting +7 melee (1d4-1 plus poison)
Space/Reach:         5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Poison, Spell Like Abilities
Special Qualities:    DR 5/ Good or Silver, Dark Vision 60', Fast Healing 2, Immune to Poison, Fire Resistance 5, Lawyer
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 12, Wis 12, Cha 14
Skills:              Bluff +7, Diplomacy +8, Gather Information +9, Hide +13, Knowledge (Local) +7, Listen +7, Move Silently +9, Search +7, Spellcraft +7
Feats:                Dodge, Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Nine Hells
Organization:         Solitary or Team (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Lawful Evil
Advancement:          4-6 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Why no your honor my client is not a goat rapist, he is a veterinarian, and that goat required certain surgical procedures, which to the untrained might seem blasphemous, but which were absolutely necessary to save that poor animals life."


"My client was acting purely in self defense when she repeatedly clubbed that Paladin. How did she know he was there to save people? He was a screaming, armored maniac covered in blood and fleshy bits."

paralegal Imps may be contracted with to serve as an attorney for mortals and Devils alike.  Some other Outsiders use them as well, as they are known for getting the job done (if not always honestly).

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude DC 13, Initial damage 1d4 Wisdom, Secondary Damage 2d4 Wisdom.  Save DC is Con based and includes a +2 Racial Bonus.

Spell Like Abilities (Sp): At Will: Detect Good, Detect Magic, Delusions of Grandeur (DC 14)
1/day: Suggestion (DC 15)
1/week: Commune (can ask 6 questions, Caster Level 12)
Caster Level 6, Save DC's are Charisma Based.

Lawyer (Su): You have become pretty good at assessing people's guilt.  Gaze, 30', Will Save DC 13 negates, Discern Lies.  Save DC is Charisma Based.

Skills: Paralegal Imps are extensively trained in the Laws of various peoples and may always Take 10 on a Knowledge: Local check when it deals with the laws.

Combat: A Paralegal Imp is made for intellectual combat, not physical,  It will use it's powers to cheat on court cases if it can, but most will flee from combat.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 26, 2009, 01:46:42 PM
Every so often the link tieing an Outsider to a specific Plane or Alignment is severed for unknown reasons.  Maybe they asked for it, perhaps they've been punished by a superior, or maybe it's a quirk of Fate.  Most leave their Home Plane and travel to find themselves.  Now that they aren't compulsively a specific alignment, many change entirely due to the shock of their situation.  Many become depressed or succumb to some form of extreme behavior.  Some just settle down and raise kids.


Freed Outsider

Freed Outsider is an Acquired Template that can be applies to any Outsider whose Alignment text mention "always" as in "always Chaotic Evil" or "Always Neutral Good" etc.

Size and Type: Size is unchanged, Type is unchanged.  The Chaotic, Evil, Extraplanar, Good, and Lawful subtypes are lost.  They also lose all Angel, Archon, Baatezu, Tanar'ri and similar subtypes that link them to a specific Plane. The Native subtype is gained. 

Hit Dice: Unchanged.

Speed: Unchanged.

Armor Class: Natural Armor Bonus increses by +2.

Attacks: Unchanged.

Damage: Your natural attacks are no longer considered Good/Evil/Chaotic/Lawful for purposes of overcoming Damage Reduction, but they are considered magic.

Special Attacks: Retains all Special Attacks of the Base Creature, except as follows:

Any spells, spell like abilities, or supernatural abilities that have an alignment descriptor are replaced with a similar spell from the same school, same level, same spell list if possible.

Any Sacred or Profane Bonuses become Enhancement Bonuses instead.

Any summoning abilities are lost.  Instead the Base Creature gains any Conjuration spell whose level is equal to the equivalent spell level their summoning ability was castable 3 times per day as a Spell Like Ability.  Caster Level is equal to their Hit Dice. If they already have spell like abilities Caster level is the same as it is for those abilities.


Special Qualities: Retains all Special Qualities of the Base Creature except as follows:

If the Base Creature had Damage Reduction that includes an alignment component (such as Dr 5/Good and Silver or DR 5/ Good or Silver) the alignment component is removed (i.e. it would become DR 5/Silver.  If the DR only has an alignment component (i.e. DR 5/Good) it becomes DR/Magic instead.

Despite losing the Angel, Archon, Baatezu, Tanar'ri and any similar subtypes that link them to a specific Plane the Base Creature retains their abilities (i.e. reisitances, immunities, about anything that isn't alignment related or that summons something).

Angels keep their Protective Aura, but it no longer acts as a Magic Circle Against Evil.

Archons lose their Magic Cirlce Against Evil, but instead gain any 3rd level Abjuration spell castable 3 times per day as a Spell Like ability.  Caster Level is equal to their hit Dice or 7th level whichever is higher.

Saves: Unchanged.

Abilities: If any of the Base Creature's mental stats are below 10 they are raised to 10.  It also gains +4 to 1 stat of your choice.

Skills:  Unchanged.  If Int increased recalculate ranks in skils.

Feats: Unchanged

Environment: Unchanged, or Any if it mentions a specific Plane

Organization: Solitary, possibly even Unique in many cases.

Challenge Rating: +0

Treasure: Unchanged

Alignment: Change "Always" to "Usually".  Most Freed Outsiders find their freedom such a shock that they quickly drift towards a new alignment (usually Neutrality).

Advancement: By character level now.  Favored Class is the one they have the most levels in.

Level Adjustment: +1

Example of creature using template here:


                      Dill-Bob  (former Dretch)
                      Small Outsider (Native)
Hit Dice:             2d8+8 (17 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class:          16 (+1 Size, +5 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/-1
Attack:               Claw +4 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack:         2 Claws +4 melee (1d6+1) and 1 Bite +2 melee (1d4)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spell Like Abilities
Special Qualities:    Damage Reduction 5/Cold Iron, Dark Vision 60', Immune to Electricity and Poison, Energy Resistance 10 (Acid, Cold, Fire), Telepathy 100'
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +3, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 10, Con 18, Int 10, Wis 11, Cha 11
Skills:               Hide +9, Listen +5, Move Silently +5, Profession (Batender) +5,Search +5, Spot +5, Survival +5 (+7 Tracking)
Feats:                Multiattack
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary (possibly Unique)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:     +3

Spell Like Abilities (Sp): Scare (DC 12) and Stinking Cloud (DC 13) 1/day.  Wall of Smoke (DC 11) 3/day.  Caster Level 2nd.

Dill-Bob was your average Dretch, quietly being used as a pawn by his superiors.  Until one day when he stood up, looked around, and loudly said: "OMGWTF AM I DOING HERE???"

He left his home plane and hasn't been back since.  He has no idea how he got his freedom or what to do with it.   Currently Dill-Bob is a bartender at a small redneck bar somewhere on Greyhawk.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 26, 2009, 01:58:44 PM
Devilish Attorney
                      Medium Outsider (Evil, Extraplanar, Lawful, Baatezu)
Hit Dice:             8d8+16 (52 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (+2 Dex, +6 Profane), touch 18, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple:  +8/+10
Attack:               Slap +10 melee (1d3+2)
Full Attack:          Slap +10/+5 melee (1d3+2)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spell-Like Abilities, Unnerving Gaze
Special Qualities:    Damage Reduction 5/Silver or Good, Dark Vision 60', Spell Resistance 18, Lawyer, Fire Resistance 5, Immune to Poison, Fast Healing 2
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +8, Will +8
Abilities:            Str 15, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 15, Wis 15, Cha 15
Skills:               Bluff +12, Diplomacy +12, Gather Information +12, Hide +12, Intimidate +12, Knowledge (Local) +12, Listen +12, Move Silently +12, Perform (Oratory) +12, Search +12, Spellcraft +12
Feats:                Irresistible Gaze, Narrowed Gaze, Pervasive Gaze (see Savage Species)
Environment:          Nine Hells of Baator
Organization:         Solitary, Team (2-4), Firm (11-20)
Challenge Rating:     6
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Always Lawful Evil
Advancement:          9-16 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Yes your honor my client did burn down that orphanage, but we intend to show it was to save those poor orphans from the attentions of the local Cleric of Pelor. He is...a vile man..."

"Yes your honor my client was found naked, on horseback, sitting backwards, screaming obscenities and throwing filth at passers by while going the wrong way down a crowded street. Yes she was found to be drunk and possibly on every drug known to mankind subsequent to her arrest. And yes she did beat one of the arresting officers to death with a severed head. And we can explain this. It was the fault of THAT MAN OVER THERE!!!"

If you find yourself in truly deep legal popie, a Paralegal Imp may not do.  In these cases a full blown Devilish Attorney is needed.  If one of these guys can't get you out of trouble, your only option after that is to hire Asmodeus himself...

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At will: Comprehend Languages, Detect Thoughts (DC 14), Suggestion (DC 15), Charm Monster (DC 16)
1/day: Dominate Person (DC 17), Mind Fog (DC 17), Mass Suggestion (DC 18), Teleport
Caster Level 12

Unnerving Gaze (Su): Gaze, 30', Will Save DC 18 negates, Devilish Attorney gains +4 Enhancement Bonus on all Charisma based skill checks against opponent for 1 hour.  Save DC is Charisma Based.

Lawyer (Su): Gaze, 30', Will Save DC 18 negates, Discern Lies. Save DC is Charisma based.

Summon Baatezu (Sp): Once per day the Devilish Attorney can attempt to summon 2d10 Paralegal Imps with a 50% chance of success, or 1 Devilish Attorney with a 35% chance of success. This is the equivalent of a 3rd level spell.

Combat: Devilish Attorneys are fond of saying that they're lovers, not fighters. If there's someone their Spell-Like Abilities wont put down, they'll flee.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 28, 2009, 12:58:47 PM
Chartreuse Hulk
                      Tiny Aberration (Swarm)
Hit Dice:             8d8+8 (44 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class:          18 (+2 Size, +4 Dex, +2 natural), touch 16, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/-
Attack:               Swarm (2d6)
Full Attack:          Swarm (2d6)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Distraction (DC 17), Force Gaze
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Tremorsense 60', Swarm Traits, Half Damage from Slashing and Piercing
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +8, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 5, Dex 18, Con 12, Int 6, Wis 11, Cha 5
Skills:               Climb +8, Hide +12, Listen +4, Spot +4
Feats:            Great Fortitude, Lightning Reflexes, Ability Focus (Distraction)
Environment:          Warm Marshes
Organization:         Solitary, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          -
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Dude...Dude it's an army of teeny bug monsters.  That's hysterical.  Why are they looking at us and laughing?"


Chartreuse Hulks are small Hulks a little bit smaller than a cat.  Created by professor Mechelina for the contest for no better reason than she was required to enter a minion, and she was really really stoned (Hey, she's a Wizard.  They're weird critters.).  Not having any real idea of what they were or what they did she still went to introduce them the day of the contest only to find out they'd decided to nest in the college's solarium, and weren't leaving for anyone or anything.  Eventually forced to leave after a massive extermination campaign they are now firmly ensconced in a nearby marsh. 

Force Gaze: The Chartreuse Hulks Swarm Attacks do Force damage.

Skills: Chartreuse Hulks have a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb checks, and may always take 10 on a Climb check.

Combat: Chartreuse Hulks are more intelligent than most swarms, which makes them a little more dangerous than the average swarm.  But their tactics are still pretty limited to the traditional swarm attack.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on January 30, 2009, 01:08:34 PM
Unfeeling Brute Template

Unfeeling Brute is an Inherited Template that can be added to any living, corporeal creature that is medium or larger.

Size and Type: Unchanged

Hit Dice: Unchanged, remember to add new Con bonus.

Armor Class: Natural Armor Class increases by +4

Speed: Lower base speed of all movement types by 5 feet, to a minimum of 5 feet.

Attacks: All natural attacks increase their damage die as if you were one Size Class larger (see MM page 291). If you have no attacks but unarmed strikes, your unarmed strikes become Slam attacks doing lethal damage. Unarmed strikes also increase 1 die.

Special Qualities: The base creature gains Powerful Build (see Races of Stone page 56), and becomes immune to all mind affecting effects. It also gains DR x/- depending on its Hit Dice. 1-4 HD=DR 1, 5-8 HD=DR 2, 9-12 HD=DR 3, 13-16 HD=DR 4, 17+ HD=DR 5.

Saves: Fortitude Saving Throws gain a +2 Racial Bonus

Abilities: Bonuses for Str, Dex, and Con depend on Size. Int becomes a 3 if it is 4 or higher, a 1 if it's a 2 or 3, and - if it's a 1 (the Base Creature also becomes Mindless in this instance). Wis and Cha are unchanged.

Code: [Select]
[B]Size[/B]    [B]Str[/B]  [B]Dex[/B]  [B]Con[/B]
Medium            +5        -2          +4
Large             +10       -2          +4
Huge              +15       -4          +8
Gargantuan        +20       -4          +8
Colossal          +25       -8          +12

Skills: Gains a +8 Racial bonus to Intimidate checks. Adjust skills due to new Int. It loses all skills other than Racial Bonuses if it becomes Mindless.

Feats: Gains 1 bonus Feat from the following list for every 3 Hit Dice if it meets the prerequisites: Area Attack, Awesome Blow, Brutal Throw, Crush, Cumbrous Fortitude, Diehard, Endurance, Fling Enemy, Great Fortitude, Greater Powerful Charge, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Critical, Improved Natural Armor, Improved Overrun, Involuntary Rage, Large and in Charge, Mighty Jumping, Pain Mastery, Power Attack, Powerful Charge, Power Critical, Power Throw, Pushback, Roll With It, Stomp, Toughness, and Improved Toughness. It loses all Feats except the Bonus Feats if it becomes Mindless.

Environment: Unchanged

CR: 5 or less HD: =1, 6-10 HD: +2, 11-15 HD: +3, 16+ HD: +4

Alignment: Most Brutes become Neutral unless they are prevented (i.e. Outsiders that are restricted in alignment)

Level Adjustment: +4

"So whaddya call this guy?"

"HE...IS...BISON MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!"

"Ooookaaayyy..."

Unfeeling Brutes are twisted mistakes of nature who are all brawn and little or no brain.  What causes this is unknown, but pollution by mages or alchemists (or teh interference of drunken gods) is often blamed.  They make pretty good cheap muscle.  Just keep them fed and happy.  Or bad times is a'comin'.

                      Bison Man
                      Minotaur, Unfeeling Brute
                      Large Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice:             6d8+24
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                25 ft. (5 squares)
Armor Class:          17 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +9 natural), touch 8, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+19
Attack:               Greatclub +14 melee (3d6+9) or Gore +14 melee (2d6+9)
Full Attack:          Greatclub +14/+9 melee (3d6+9) and Gore +9 melee (2d6+4)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Powerful Charge 7d6+13
Special Qualities:    Darkvision 60', natural Cunning, Scent, DR 2/-
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +4, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 29, Dex 8, Con 19, Int 3, Wis 10, Cha 8
Skills:               Intimidate +9, Listen +6, Search +2, Spot +6
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Power Attack, Track, Greater Powerful Charge (B), Powerful Charge (B)
Environment:          Underground
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     6
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:     +6

Bison Man was doubly cursed by the Gods for the actions of his parents.  Not only did he become a Minotaur, he's incredibly dumb.  But to give him a fighting chance, they did make him a bit tougher than usual.  Eventually he was adopted by a kindly old spinster woman at the edge of town named Granny Moses.  And by kindly old spinster we mean lunatic hermit well into both insanity and senility.  She believes that the Bison Man is a superhero who will save the villagers from evil and lead them into a new golden age.  Of course she also sometimes think the local cabbage crop are demons in disguise, and that the local villagers eat cabbage because they are mind controlled into doing so. 
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 01, 2009, 12:26:11 PM
Fuchsia Hulk
                      Colossal Aberration
Hit Dice:             80d8+880 (1240 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class:          32 (-8 Size, +30 natural), touch 2, flat-footed 32
Base Attack/Grapple:  +60/+96
Attack:               Claw +72 melee (4d6+20/19-20) or Eyebeam +52 Ranged Touch (20d6)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +72 melee (4d6+20/19-20) and 1 Bite +72 melee (6d6+10/19-20) or or Eyebeam +52 Ranged Touch (20d6)
Space/Reach:          30 ft./30 ft.
Special Attacks:      Eyebeam, Trample (4d12+40), Frightful Presence
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 240', Tremorsense 240', Damage Reduction 20/Adamantine, Fast Healing 5
Saves:                Fort +59, Ref +42, Will +26
Abilities:            Str 50, Dex 11, Con 32, Int 5, Wis 11, Cha 30
Skills:               Climb +33, Intimidate +24, Listen +13, Search +12, Spot +15, Survival +13
Feats:                Awesome Blow, Cleave, Combat Reflexes, Devastating Critical (Claws, Bite), Endurance, Epic Fortitude, Great Cleave, Great Fortitude, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Critical (Claw, Bite), Improved Multiattack, Improved Snatch, Large and in Charge, Multiattack, Multisnatch, Overwhelming Critical (Claws, Bite), Power Attack, Power Ciritcal (Claws, Bite), Rend, Snatch, Stamp, Weapon Focus (Claw, Bite)3
Environment:          Any
Organization:         unique
Challenge Rating:     30
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          81+ HD (Collosal)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Abner...that purple hill over there ain't a hill...think we should be runnin' now..."

Professor Baketaten had always thought bigger was better her whole life.  So it was inevitable when given a chance to create an evil minion she would go for a giant.  A purple giant.  A purple giant with a liiiittle teeeny brain.  The Fuschia Hulk is the only known example of it's kind, and the world should thank the gods for it.  He's not particularly bright, and seems to understand common, but has never spoken or made any real attempt at communication.  he was eventually turned loose in the wild because the professors realized he would be dangerous to keep, but couldn't bring themselves to put the big lug down.  The Fuschia Hulk is a chubby purplish Hulk standing roughly 100' tall.

Eyebeam: Once every 1d4 rounds the Fuschia Hulk may unleash an Eyebeam that is a ranged touch attack doing 20d6 fire damage.  Range is 500'.

Trample: DC 70 Reflex Save for half damage.

Frightful Presence (Ex): Whenever the Fuschia Hulk attacks or charges all living beings within 150' must make a DC 60 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based), or be Frightened for 4d6 rounds if it has less Hit Dice (opponents with equal orr greater Hit Dice are Shaken instead).  If the Save is successful the opponent is immune to the Fuschia Hilk's Frightful Presence ofr 24 hours.

Combat: The Fuschia Hulk rarely initiates combat, and seems lost in thought most of the time.  Or maybe he's just a vegetable.  Either way most opponents get the first shot in assuming they're stupid enough to assault him.  After which they get blasted by his eyeray, and the stragglers get stepped on.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on February 03, 2009, 03:38:31 AM
These all rock, ive been reading for a while but i finally decided to speak up. :clap
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 03, 2009, 11:08:15 AM
Thank you  :D It's always nice to know people are reading!
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 04, 2009, 02:23:30 PM
Lavender Hulk
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             8d8+24 (60 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                20 ft. (5 squares), Fly 25 ft. (Clumsy)
Armor Class:          19 (-1 Large, +2 Dex, +8 natural), touch 11, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+19
Attack:               Claw +10 melee (1d8+5)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +10 melee (1d8+5) and 1 Bite +8 melee (2d8+2)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Paralytic Gaze
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Blindsight 60'
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +4, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 20, Dex 15, Con 18, Int 11, Wis 11, Cha 15
Skills:               Listen +11, Spot +11
Feats:                Flyby Attack, Hover, Multiattack
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     8
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          9-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Bert...is that a bee comin' towards us?"

"Gawd ah hope not Abner.  Truly that is the ugliest bee Ah evah did see..."

Professor Huberta had always had a weird obsession with flying critters.  Sp it was obvious what her choice of mutation for her minion would be.  Unfortunately Hulks don't make great flyers.  Even when they've had bee wings added to their frames.  They came across as more amusing than horrifying.  Until they got mad of course and started zapping people with their gaze.  Lavender Hulks are pinkish purple Hulks with wings.  They speak Terran.


Paralyzing Gaze (Su): Gaze, Hold Person, DC 16 Willpower Save negates, Save DC is Charisma Based.

Combat: Lavender Hulks prefer to use Flyby attacks, paralyzing opponents with their gaze before landing to rip into them.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 05, 2009, 12:53:43 PM
First Place GitP Monster Contest XVII


Bubba The Headless Chicken
Tiny Undead (Incorporeal)
Hit Dice: 5d12 (32 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: Fly 30 ft (6 squares), Perfect
Armor Class: 17 (+2 Size, +3 Dex, +2 Deflection), touch 17, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/-10
Attack: -
Full Attack: -
Space/Reach: 2 ½ ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Terrifying Appearance, Malevolence, Chickens Curse, BAWK!
Special Qualities: Undead traits, Dark Vision 60’, Manifestation, Rejuvenation, Turn Resistance +4, Unnatural Aura, Lifesense
Saves: Fort +1, Ref +4, Will +6
Abilities: Str 2, Dex 16, Con -, Int 12, Wis 14, Cha 14
Skills: Bluff +8, Gather Information +8, Hide +11, Intimidate +18, Knowledge (Local) +9, Listen +10, Move Silently +11, Search +11, Sense Motive +10, Spot +10
Feats: Ability Focus (Chickens Curse), Ability Focus (BAWK!)
Environment: Any
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 6+ HD (Tiny)
Level Adjustment: -----


The setting: The jail of the small farming village of Tater.  In it's only cell sits a lone, surprisingly well-groomed Orc.  A ghostly chicken enters through the wall.

”Hmm..An Orc..and one who doesn't run away screaming just at the sight of me...don't get too many of your kind 'round here.”

"You must be Bubba."

"Ayuh."

"Is it just me or are all the local farmers crazy?"

Naw, tain't you.  They's damn crazy.  You should see the things I've seen.  Would curdle your blood.  Say, why ain't you runnin' in fear anyways?"

"Paladin of St. Cuthbert."

"Yeah, we definitely don't get many of your kind round here."

A farmer enters

"Greetin's ya filtheh Orc scum.  We's gonna test yew fer witchcraft tonight."

"And what does this entail?"

"Whelp, first we's gonna burn ya.  If'n ya don't burn, yer a witch, and then we hang ya.  If'n ya do burn yer just a filthy Orc and ya go to meet Jebus."

"I'm gonna try a wild stab at logic here just for the hell of it: If burning doesn't kill me, what makes you think hanging will?"

"Cuz everyone knows witches magic don't work 'gainst no ropes."

"Riiiiiiighttttt....say have you met Bubba?"

"Bawk."

"AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

The farmer exits the building

"Well that was fun.  Guess I'll work on escaping now..."

"What you doin' in a farming town like this anyway?"

"Your former owner escaped and asked the Church for revenge.  He mentioned you being a ghost and all, but he forgot to mention the locals were all insane.  What did they kill you for?  Witchcraft?

"Naw, they found out I was a transvestite."

"Seriously?"

"Yup.  This here roosters comb is fake.  Or at least it was in life."

"I hesitate to ask this, but does this town have any more surprises I should know about?"

"Well...the sheep are planning a bloody revolution in 2 days.  But beyond that, no things are pretty darn dull 'round here."

Once upon a time there was a poor farming village named Tater.  It was peopled with...well...poor farmers.  Jim Bawb was the best chicken farmer there, and his prize winning chickens won the countries competitions year after year.  Jim and his sons had to go through some pretty interesting times what with all those other chicken farmers trying to sabotage them and all (hence why he still wasn't rich after winning all those competitions).  One year his prize hen Mathilda was kidnapped after rumors that a curse hung over her head.  Jim Bawb never found out the source of these rumors, but he did find Mathilda, now known as Bubba.  It seems somehow during the missing hours Mathilda was gone she became Awakened, and couldn't remember how.  She also knew she wanted to be a rooster.  Talked about it for hours.  To anyone who would listen.  Even convinced someone to make her a rooster costume. 

While Jim Bawb was trying to come to grips with his prize hens apparent lifestyle changes, a mob stormed his farm.  They said he'd committed sins against Jebus.  Jim Bawb knew there was a new cult in town, but he hadn't paid attention since local religions came and went.  Apparently this one had finally taken hold and gotten violent.  They cut Bubba's head off, and Jim Bawb went into hiding with relatives before they burned him for witchcraft.

Before long Bubba came back, floating through the night air.  Sometimes he was headless, sometimes he wasn't.  Sometimes he carried the head under his wing.  For a fairly new ghost he seemed unusually powerful at inspiring fear.  Bubba began to wonder if the curse rumors were true.  He helped Jim Bawb escape by distracting the townsfolk to cover him (he possessed several people who did some very unusual things, and were subsequently punished with very unusual exorcism rites).  Bubba is a little concerned for the townsfolk now.  It isn't their fault they're dumber than monkeys, and whoever started this new religion was taking advantage of the poor folks.  Time to go hire some professionals to fix this...


Terrifying Appearance (Su): Any living being within 60' of Bubba must make a DC 20 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based with a +6 Racial Bonus) or be Frightened for 2d6 rounds.  If they successfully make their Save they are Shaken for 1 round instead, and are immune to Bubba’s Terrifying Appearance for 24 hours.

Malevolence (Su): Identical to the Ghost ability listed on page 118 of the Monster Manual.

Chicken’s Curse (Su): Once per day Bubba can curse an opponent within 60' as a Standard Action.  This spell is otherwise identical to Bestow Curse in all aspects except it's effect: Once per day at random, the victims pants will fly off and he will spend one round doing his best impression of a chicken laying an egg.  Except he actually will be laying an egg.  If said egg is kept warm and safe for 1 week it will hatch a Cockatrice.  Bubba doesn't use this curse very often, unless he feels the victim is a real scumbag, and he usually warns people to dispose of the eggs, and what will happen if they don't.

BAWK! (Su): Once per day at the stroke of Midnight Bubba can unleash a tremendous Bawk that resounds for miles.  He doesn't do it very often unless someone has ticked him off.  The BAWK! is a standard Action, and can be heard by everything within a 10 mile radius.  Anything within 100' must make a DC 16 Willpower Save (Save DC is Cha Based) or be Shaken for 2d6 rounds.  If they are within 30' they are Frightened instead.  If they are within 10' they are both Frightened and Deafened.   If the Save is successful they are Shaken for 2 rounds regardless of how close to Bubba they are.

Manifestation (Su): Identical to the Ghost ability listed on page 118 of the Monster Manual.

Rejuvenation (Su): Identical to the Ghost ability listed on page 118 of the Monster Manual.  In order to lay Bubba to rest the PC’s must find out the origin of the curse that has created him.  And then convince him to go.  He seems really intent on hanging around actually.

Unnatural Aura (Su): Animals will not come within 100' of anyone possessed by Bubba, and Panic if forced to do so (they remain Panicked so long as Bubba is within Range).

Lifesense (Su): Bubba may automatically sense Living creatures within 100' as thought he had Blindsight. He also automatically knows the strength of their life force as if he had cast Deathwatch.
 
Skills: Bubba gets a +8 Racial Bonus on Hide, Intimidate, Listen, Move Silently,  Search, and Spot checks.

Combat: Bubba rarely involves himself in combat as it’s easier to hide until the big folk go away with all their nasty spitting Cleric types talking about heatherns and damnation and sin and such.  If chased intently he will likely use his Curse or Malevolence abilities to teach them a lesson by harassing them till they stop. 


-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Lore
Characters with ranks in Knowledge (Local) can learn a little about Bubba if they are from Tater. When the character makes a skill check, the following lore is revealed, including the information from lower DCs:

DC|Lore
10|Bubba was a famous local prize winning chicken in a farming village named Tater.
15|Somehow Bubba became aware (i.e. awakened), and dire predictions of a curse upon him were whispered about.  Possibly to prevent his further participation in competitions (Does anyone really believe someone would go through such enormous effort?  I mean really...).
20|Bubba was subsequently executed for crimes against nature (i.e. transvestism) by a crazed mob, and returned more unnatural than before.


Plot Hook
  • Jim Bawb has just barely escaped town after Bubba's death.  He appeals to the PC's for help in getting his farm back, and for enacting a hideous bloodstained revenge on the townsfolk for killing Bob.  He claims the PC's can have a cow made from solid copper if they win the day for him.  The PC's are probably likely to think him insane unless they have enough ranks in Knowledge: Local to recognize Jim Bawb.  He'd also like them to get someone to resurrect Bubba, who seems content with being a ghost.
  • Word has it there's a cult in the small farming village of Tater thats burning people for witchcraft.  They're definition of witchcraft seems a little vague and is usually described as "anything we don't cotton to".  Concerned authorities have asked the PC's to investigate.  Well okay thats a little bit of a fib.  Concerned authorities have actually asked the PC's to "find whichever drunken incest victim started this whole mess and beat him to within an inch of his life".  They'd also like them to look into rumors of a headless ghost chicken.  There's money in sideshow freaks these days.
  • The PC's are approached by a floating dead chicken who (after they stop screaming and calm down) asks them to find out the truth of the circumstances behind his awakening, and the subsequent source of the rumors he was cursed.  Cause being undead he probably was cursed now that he thinks about it.  He'd also like them to find who started the cult now causing trouble in Tater.
  • The Glitter Festival is the premier transvestite/female impersonator/general weirdness showcase of the land, and it's always been Bubba's desire to attend.  He has the minor problem though, that anyone seeing him starts screaming like they've seen a ghost.  Well at least a ghost thats malicious in intent.  He'd like the PC's to fix this problem for him if they could, without resurrecting him.  He kind of likes being dead. Plus he's a scheduled Judge for the Best Orc Transvestite competition, and he's worried people will try to harm him somehow.  The Judges get attacked every year, and Bubba thinks someone will resurrect him, and bump him off a second time in the hopes he won't come back as a ghost this time.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 06, 2009, 01:09:52 PM
Dire Monkey
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             3d8+6 (19 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Climb 40 ft.
Armor Class:          14 (+2 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+3
Attack:               Bite +4 melee (1d6+2) or Poop +4 ranged (see below) or Branch +4 ranged (1d6)
Full Attack:          1 Bite +4 melee (1d6+2) and 2 Slams -1 melee (1d3+1) or Poop +4 ranged (see below) or Branch +4 ranged (1d6)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      We Fling Our Own, Hooting Frenzy
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +3, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 14, Dex 15, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 7
Skills:               Balance +10, Climb +11, Hide +3, Listen +3, Spot +3
Feats:                Weapon Finesse, Point Blank Shot, Brachiation (B)
Environment:          Warm Forests
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, Troupe (10-40)
Challenge Rating:     2??
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          4-6 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Bert...tell me that ain't poop that just hit the back o' mah head..."

Dire Monkeys are man sized monkeys, with all the prerequisite monkey nastiness you see in zoos multiplied tenfold. 

Skills: Dire Monkeys have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance and Climb Checks.  They may always take 10 on a Climb Check.  They may use their Strength or Dexterity Modifier for Climb checks, whichever is better.

We Fling Our Own: As a Full Round action a Dire Monkey can poop in it's hand and fling it at an opponent. Considering the grubs, dead things, and god knows what other foulness they eat, this is an excellent defense.  Dire Monkey poop is widely considered to be one of  the most foul substances in the known world, and no one wants it on them. Anyone hit by it must make a DC 13 Fortitude Save or be Nauseated for 2 rounds (along with screaming" What, Oh Lord, have I done to deserve this??").  Save DC is Constitution based.  In addition, if it isn't washed of within 5 minutes, the smell will remain for 1d6 days giving creatures tracking you by scent a +4 circumstance bonus to their rolls.

Hooting Frenzy: When on the attack Dire Monkeys go totally insane, flinging leaves, dirt, twigs, and god knows what else.  They constantly hop around screaming, waving their arms, urinating freely on opponents.  Which is a nice way of saying they're one hell of a distraction.  If a Dire Monkey is in at least 2 adjoining spaces an opponent must make a DC 11 Willpower Save or be Shaken for the remainder of the encounter.  Save DC is Charisma Based, with a +2 Racial Bonus.

Combat: Dire Monkeys usually fling poop, or branches if that doesn't drive someone off.  If the opponent still persists they go into a frenzy and charge en masse in an attempt to scare opponents off or beat them senseless otherwise.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 06, 2009, 01:19:50 PM
Periwinkle Hulk
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             8d8+24 (60 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          19 (-1 Large, +2 Dex, +8 natural), touch 11, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+19
Attack:               Claw +10 melee (1d8+5)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +10 melee (1d8+5) and 1 Bite +5 melee (2d8+2)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Hypnotic Gaze, Flower Addiction
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Tremorsense 60'
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +4, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 20, Dex 15, Con 18, Int 11, Wis 11, Cha 15
Skills:               Listen +11, Spot +11
Feats:                Endurance, Diehard, Great Fortitude
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     8?
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          9-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"ABNER!! Abner there's a giant critter eatin' mah flowers!"

"And?"

"And you need ta do yer husbinly dutees and go whack 'im!"

Professor Lamolle thought the idea of a contest of color coded evil minions was incredibly beneath him.  In defiance he decided to create a colorless Hulk.  And it worked of a sort.  Their skin was colorless, making their organs and such visible.  Until they ate.  Then they absorbed the color of what they ate, possibly permanently if it stained.  Unfortunately the new Hulks had some problems with myrtle flowers.  Specifically they went completely nuts if they ate one, and it permanently dyes them a periwinkle color (hence their name).  As the contest was held outside, the Hulks had ample access to myrtle flowers, and did a surprising 40 thousand gold in property damage before being brought under control.  Periwinkle Hulks speak Terran.

Hypnotic Gaze (Su): Gaze, Mesmerizing Glare (see Spell Compendium), 30', DC 16 Willpower Save negates, Save DC is Charisma based.

Flower Addiction (Ex): If a Periwinkle Hulk eats a Myrtle flower it has to make a DC 20 Willpower Save 1d6 rounds later or it becomes subject to Frenzy.  This is identical to the class ability listed on page 34 of the Complete Warrior except that the Periwinkle Hulks don't attack each other.

Combat: Tactics are pretty similar to regular Umber Hulks, unless there are Myrtle flowers nearby.  If they've eaten any, just run.  There's no talking to them then.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 07, 2009, 12:45:15 PM
DIRE THINGIE TEMPLATE

Dire Thingie is an Inherited or Acquired Template that can be added to any living creature with an Intelligence of 2 or less that has had it's Size Class increased to two Size Classes bigger (with a minimum Size Class of Small), and it's Hit Dice Advanced to twice it's normal amount (with a set minimum based on Size). The minimum Hit Dice based on Base Creatures new Size is Small = 3 HD, Medium = 4 HD, Large = 8 HD, Huge = 12 HD, Gargantuan = 20 HD, Colossal = 36 HD. For example if applied to a Porpoise (which is normally 2 Hit Dice) the Porpoise becomes 4 Hit Dice. If applied to a Rat (which is less than 1 Hit Die) it becomes 3 Hit Dice. Recalculate BAB, Saves, Skills, Stats, Armor Class, Feats, Damage, and Save DC's of special attacks due to new Hit Dice and Size. Recalculate CR (See MM page 294 for suggestions), and then apply this template.

Size and Type: Type does not change.

Hit Dice: Unchanged.

Speed: If the creature is Large or larger it's Base Land Speed (if it has one) increases to 40 feet. Otherwise speed remains unchanged.

Armor Class:The Base Creatures Natural Armor Bonus is 1.5 times greater (round down). For example if the Base Creature had a +4 Natural Armor bonus, it now has a +6. If the base creature has heavy natural armor (i.e. a turtle or armadillo shell for example) it doubles instead. There is a minimum Natural AC Bonus based on Size: Small=+3, Medium=+4, Large=+5, Huge=+6, Gargantuan=+7, and Colossal=+8.

Attacks: Unchanged.

Damage: Unchanged.

Special Attacks: Retains all Special Attacks of Base Creature. Range or Area of Effect is 1.5 times bigger (for example if the Base Creature has a Breath Weapon that's a 30' Cone, it's now a 45' Cone).

Special Qualities: Retains all Special Qualities of Base Creature.

Saves: Unchanged.

Abilities: +2 Str, +2 Dex, +2 Con, +4 Cha.

Skills: Unchanged.

Feats: The Base Creature gains Improved Toughness as a Bonus Feat.

Environment: Unchanged

Organization: Usually Solitary

Challenge Rating: +1

Treasure: Unchanged

Alignment: Unchanged

Advancement: Up to double it's base Hit Dice. If that puts it past the minimum for the next size class, it goes up too. For example if the Base Creature is 8 HD, it can go up to 16 HD. It would be 9-11 (Large), 12-16 (Huge).

Level Adjustment: +1

Example of creature using template here:

Dire Lemure
Huge Outsider (Baatezu, Evil, Extraplanar, Lawful)
Hit Dice: 12d8+72 (126 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 20 (-2 Size, -1 Dex, +13 Natural), touch 7, flat-footed 23
Base Attack/Grapple: +12/+29
Attack: Claw +19 melee (1d8+9)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +19 melee (1d8+9)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 5/Good or Silver, Dark Vision 60', Immunity ot Fire and Poison, Mindless, See in Darkness
Saves: Fort +13, Ref +7, Will +8
Abilities:[/B] Str 28, Dex 8, Con 20, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 9
Skills: -
Feats: Improved Toughness (B)
Environment: Nine Hells of Baator
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating:
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Lawful Evil
Advancement: 13-19 HD (Huge), 20-24 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment: ---


Dire Dire Badger
Huge Animal
Hit Dice: 12d8+111 (165 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares), burrow 10 ft.
Armor Class: 22 (-2 Size, +2 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple: +9/+28
Attack: Claw +18 melee (1d8+11)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +18 melee (1d8+11) and 1 Bite +13 melee (2d6+5)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Rage
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves: Fort +16, Ref +10, Will +5
Abilities: Str 32, Dex 15, Con 27, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 14
Skills: Listen +10, Spot +11
Feats: Improved Toughness (B), Track (B), Alertness, Toughness, Power Attack, Cleave
Environment: Temperate Forests
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating:
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 13-19 HD (Huge), 20-24 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment: ---

Dire Frost Worm
Colossal Magical Beast (Cold)
Hit Dice: 36d8+504 (666 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares), burrow 10 ft.
Armor Class: 30 (-8 Size, +28 Natural), touch 2, flat-footed 38
Base Attack/Grapple: +36/+69
Attack: Bite +45 melee (4d6+25/19-20 plus 1d8 cold)
Full Attack: Bite +45 melee (4d6+25/19-20 plus 1d8 cold)
Space/Reach: 30 ft./20 ft.
Special Attacks: Trill, Cold, Breath Weapon
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60', Death Throes, Immunity to Cold, Low Light Vision, Vulnerability to Fire
Saves: Fort +20, Ref +20, Will +14
Abilities: Str 44, Dex 10, Con 36, Int 2, Wis 11, Cha 15
Skills: Hide +3, Listen +12, Spot +12
Feats: Improved Toughness (B), Ability Focus (Trill, Breath Weapon), Alertness, Cleave, Great Cleave, Improved Critical (Bite), Improved Initiative, Improved Natural Attack (Bite), Iron Will, Large and In Charge, Power Attack, Power Critical (Bite), Weapon Focus (Bite)
Environment: Cold Plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating:
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 37-72 HD (Collosal)
Level Adjustment: ---

Trill (Su): 200' area, Will Save DC 32

Breath Weapon (Su): 60' Cone, Reflex Save DC 36

Death Throes (Su): 100' area, Reflex Save DC 34
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 08, 2009, 01:51:48 PM
Sepia Hulk
                      Large Aberration (Incorporeal)
Hit Dice:             10d8 (45 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                Fly 30 ft. (6 squares), Good
Armor Class:          20 (-1 Large, +3 Dex, +8 Deflection), touch 20, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +7/-
Attack:               Claw +9 melee touch (energy drain)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +9 melee touch (energy drain) and 1 Bite +4 melee touch (energy drain)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Shadow Touch
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Blindsight 60', Incorporeal Shadow
Saves:                Fort +9, Ref +10, Will +4
Abilities:            Str -, Dex 17, Con -, Int 7, Wis 13, Cha 16
Skills:               Hide +16, Listen +6, Move Silently +16, Search +4, Spot +6
Feats:                Great Fortitude
Environment:          Any Cold
Organization:         Solitary or Pack (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     10
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement:          11-15 HD (Large), 16-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Abner...that shadow just moved..."

Professor Panagiotis also thought the Minion contest wasn't truly serious, and rebelled at the idea of making something so foolish as a color coded Hulk Minion.  So he set about to make a colorless one as well, ending up with a Hulk that was completely black.  But the energies he exposed it too made it a true monster.  Not undead, it shared many of the characteristics of one.  An incorporeal phantom creature that hungered for the living.  And unfortunately for Panagiotis he was living, and available.  The Sepia Hulks have never made any attempt to communicate or shown that they understood any attempt to communicate with them.

Shadow Touch (Su): By making a touch attack the Hulk can bestow 1 Negative level upon it's opponent if it fails a DC 17 Fortitude Save.  the Hulk does not gain any temporary hit points from this as it is how it feeds.  It must drain 1 energy level per week or die.

Incorporeal Shadow (Su): Sepia Hulks are Incorporeal, and have no Strength or Constitution score (despite not being Undead).  They are immune to poison, sleep effects, disease, death effects, paralysis, stunning, critical hits, nonlethal damage, ability drain or damage, energy drain, fatigue, and exhaustion effects.  It does not breathe or sleep.  In total Darkness it is invisible as per the Greater Invisibility spell.

Skills: Sepia Hulks gain a +8 Racial Bonus to Hide and Move Silently Checks.

Combat: Sepia Hulks are an odd bunch.  If they aren't hungry they're content to merely watch hidden from the shadows.  Just to see what intruders are up to.  But if they are hungry, then the go for draining energy levels immediately, and running once they have enough.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 10, 2009, 11:16:21 AM
Giant Tick
Tiny Vermin
HitDice: 1/2d8+2 (4 hp)
Initiative: + 0
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), climb 10 ft.
Armor Class: 14 (+2 Size Bonus, +2 Natural armor Bonus), touch 12, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/ -12 (+0 if attached)
Attack: Touch +2 melee (Attach)
Full Attack: Touch +2 melee (Attach)
Space/Reach: 2 ½ ‘/ 0 ‘
Special Attacks: Attach, blood drain, Disease
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60’, Scent, Vermin Traits
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +0. Will +0
Abilities: Str 3, Dex 10, Con 14, Int --, Wis 10, Cha 2
Skills: Hide + 16, Spot +4
Feats: -
Environment: Any Temperate or Warm Mountains, Hills, Plains, Marsh, or Forest
Organization: Solitary or Colony (8-16)
Challenge Rating: 1/4
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

Small Vermin
Hit Dice: 1d8+2 (6hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 30’ (6 squares), Climb 20’
Armor Class: 14 (+1 Size, +3 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: + 0/ -5 (+7 if attached)
Attack: Touch + 1 melee (Attach)
Full Attack: Touch +1 melee (Attach)
Space/Reach: 5’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Attach, Blood Drain, Disease
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60’, Scent, Vermin Traits
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +0, Will +0
Abilities: Str 9, Dex 10, Con 14, Int --, Wis 10, Cha 2
Skills: Hide + 12, Spot +4
Feats: -
Organization: Solitary, Colony (2-5), or Swarm (6-11)
Challenge Rating: 1/2

Medium Vermin
Hit Dice: 2d8+4 (8 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40’ (8 squares), Climb 20’
Armor Class: 14 (+4 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/+6
Attack: Bite +2 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +2 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 5’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Blood Drain, Disease
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60’, Scent, Vermin Traits
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +0, Will +0
Abilities: Str 13, Dex 10, Con 14, Int --, Wis 10, Cha 2
Skills: Hide: +4, Spot +4
Feats: -
Organization: Solitary, Colony (2-5), or Swarm (6-11)
Challenge Rating: 1
Advancement: 3 HD (Medium)

Large Vermin
Hit Dice: 4d8
Initiative: +0
Speed: 50’ (10 squares), Climb 30’
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, +7 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+15
Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d8+4)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d8+4)
Space/Reach: 10’/ 5’
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Blood Drain, Disease
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60’, Scent, Vermin Traits
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +1, Will +1
Abilities: Str 19, Dex 10, Con 14, Int --, Wis 10, Cha 2
Skills: Hide +4 , Spot +4
Feats: -
Organization: Solitary, Colony (2-5), or Swarm (6-11)
Challenge Rating: 2
Advancment: 5-7 HD (Large)

Huge Vermin
Hit Dice: 8d8
Initiative: +0
Speed: 50’ (10 squares), Climb 30’
Armor Class: 20 (-2 Size, +12 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+24
Attack: Bite +10 melee (2d6+6)
Full Attack: Bite +10 melee (2d6+6)
Space/Reach: 15’/ 10’
Special Attacks: Blood Drain, Improved Grab, Disease
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60’, Scent, Vermin Traits
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +2, Will +5
Abilities: Str 23, Dex 10, Con 16, Int --, Wis 10, Cha 2
Skills: Hide +4 , Spot +4
Feats: -
Organization: Solitary, Colony (2-5), or Swarm (6-11)
Challenge Rating: 5
Advancement: 9-16 HD (Huge)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! GITITOFFMEGITIEOFFMEGITITOFFME!!!!"

I'd add a description here but lets face it you all know what Ticks are.

Skills: Ticks receive a +4 Racial Bonus to Hide and Spot checks. Medium or Larger Ticks have a +4 Racial Bonus to Grapple checks. Tiny or Small Ticks have a +12 Racial Bonus to Grapple checks.

Attach (Ex): Small or smaller Ticks may make a touch attack to attach themselves to an opponent. It loses it's Dexterity bonus to AC, and may be grappled or struck with a weapon. To remove an attached Tick through grappling you must Pin it.

Improved Grapple (Ex): Medium or larger Ticks that successfully hit with a Bite attack may immediately make a Grapple check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it is successful it may use it's blood drain.

Blood Drain (Ex): A Tick does 1d4 temporary Constitution damage per round it is attached (if Small or smaller) or round it successfully maintains a Grapple (if Medium or larger). Once a Tick drains a specific amount of Constitution it drops off and leaves the area. Tiny=4 Con, Small=6 Con, Medium=9 Con, Large=13 Con, Huge=19 Con.

Disease (Ex): Any living creature successfully bitten by the Tick (if medium or bigger), or that it successfully attaches to (if Small or smaller) must make a Fortitude or contract the Red Ache disease (see DMG page 292). Save DC is 12 for Tiny or Small, 13 for Medium, 14 for Large, and 17 for Huge.

Combat: Grapple and suck, pretty much like real life Ticks.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 10, 2009, 11:32:15 AM
Grey Hulk
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             8d8+32 (68 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          16 (-1 Large, +1 Dex, +6 natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+17
Attack:               Claw +12 melee (1d8+7)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +12 melee (1d8+7) and 1 Bite +7 melee (2d8+3)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Powerful Charge (2d8+3d6+14)
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Tremorsense 60', Damage Reduction 5/-, Wide Angle Vision
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +3, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 25, Dex 13, Con 19, Int 11, Wis 11, Cha 13
Skills:               Listen +11, Search +4, Spot +15
Feats:               Greater Powerful Charge, Powerful Charge, Reckless Charge (See the Miniature's Handbook)
Environment:          Warm Desert
Organization:         Solitary, or Herd (5-10)
Challenge Rating:     8
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement:          9-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Where have I seen this thing before?"

Professor Lambis had been obsessed with Umber Hulks since he was a child and had toys modeled after them.  But upon actually seeing his first Umber Hulk he was massively disappointed.  They were gangly insectoid things as opposed to the hulking humanoid figures he remembered from his youth.  The contest was his perfect chance to remake the Hulk to his vision.  Now they are large humanoid figures with gray, elephant-like hide, and brown bony knobs on the chest and shoulders.  It has large claws and teeth, and shows no signs of it's insectoid heritage.  The Grey Hulks still speak Terran.

Powerful Charge (Ex): The Gray Hulk does 2d8+14 with a successful charge attack, plus the bonus damage from it's Feats.

Wide Angle Vision (Ex): The Gray hulk cannot be Flanked, and has a +4 Racial Bonus to Spot and Search checks.

Combat: Gray Hulks usually open with a charge, and then wail on their opponent.  Given the opportunity they will charge again.


Cookie for anyone who gets what this is...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on February 11, 2009, 03:53:14 AM
Grey Render-ish? :eh  thats what I think.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 11, 2009, 11:05:22 AM
Nope :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 11, 2009, 12:19:31 PM
Tick Swarm
Fine Vermin
Hit Dice: 6d8-6 (21 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 20’ (4 squares), climb 20’
Armor Class: 22 (+8 Size, +4 Dex), touch 22, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/ Grapple: +8/ -
Attack: 2d6 plus Blood Drain plus disease
Space/Reach: 10’/ 0’
Special Attacks: Distraction, Anesthetize, Blood Drain, Disease
Special Qualities: Dark Vision 60’, Immune to Weapon Damage, swarm traits, Scent,
Vermin Traits,
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +6, Int +2
Abilities: Str 1, Dex 19, Con 8, Int --, Wis 10, Cha 2
Skills: Hide +20, Spot + 4
Feats: Alertness (B), Endurance (B), Diehard (B)
Environment: Any Warm or Temperate
Organization: Solitary, Tangle (2-4 swarms), or Infestation (7-12 swarms)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: None
Level Adjustment: ---


"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Again, they're Ticks.  No explanation is necessary.

Skills: Ticks receive a +4 Racial Bonus to Hide and Spot checks.

Anesthetize (Ex): A creature attacked by a Tick Swarm must make a Spot check vs it's Hide check to notice it is being attacked if it is in grasses or vegetation higher than half the victims height. Each round of blood drain gains the victim another Spot roll with a cumulative +2 Bonus per round after the first. Creatures attacked by Tick Swarms in open areas or who have some means of detecting them other than sight can see them normally.

Blood Drain (Ex): Any creature damaged by the Tick Swarm loses 1 point of Constitution per round until he exits the Swarm and spends one full round pulling the Ticks off his body.

Disease (Ex): Any creature damaged by the Tick Swarm must make a DC 12 Fort Save or contract the Red Ache disease (see page 292 of the DMG).

Combat: They're Ticks.  No explanation necessary, we all know what the sneaky little monsters do.  Brrr...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 12, 2009, 01:20:33 PM
Vampiric Vermin

This is an Acquired Template that can be applied to any Vermin of Medium Size or bigger that has a Bite attack.

Size and Type: Type becomes Undead.

Hit Dice: All current and future Hit Dice become d12's, and hit points are recalculated.

Speed: Unchanged

Armor Class: Base Creatures Natural Armor Bonus increases by +6.

Attacks: Unchanged.

Damage: Unchanged.

Special Attacks: Retains all Special Attacks of base Creature and gains the following:

Blood Drain (Ex): If a Vampiric Vermin pins it's opponent in a Grapple, it does it's Bite damage each round as well as draining 1d4 Con.

Attract Swarms (Su): Swarms of Vermin seem attracted to Vampiric Vermin. There will always be 1d6 Swarms of some kind of vermin near a Vampiric Vermin that attack it's foes. As long as they remain within 60' they share the Vampiric Vermins Immunity to Cold.

Create Spawn (Su): Any Vermin applicable to apply this template to that is killed by a Vampiric Vermin becomes one in 1d4 days.

Energy Drain (Su): Living creatures struck by the Vampiric Vermins Natural Weapons gain 2 negative levels. It can only use this ability once per round.

Special Qualities: Retains any Special Qualities of the Base Creature and gains the following:

Damage Reduction (Su): Vampiric Vermin gain Damage Reduction 10/Silver and Magic

Fast Healing (Ex): Vampiric Vermin gain Fast Healing 5.

Immunities: Vampiric Vermin are Immune to Cold.

Turn Resistance (Ex): Vampiric Vermin have +4 Turn Resistance.

Spider Climb (Ex): Vampiric Vermin can climb surfaces as though with the Spider Climb spell.

Saves: Unchanged

Abilities: +8 Str, +4 Dex, Wis +4, Cha +4

Skills: Vampiric Vermin have a +8 Racial Bonus on Hide, Listen, Move Silently, Search, and Spot checks.

Feats: Vampiric Vermin gain Alertness, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, and Lightning Reflexes.

Environment: Any, usually Unchanged.

Organization: Solitary

Challenge Rating: Same as Base Creature +2

Treasure: None

Alignment: Always Neutral Evil

Advancement: unchanged

Level Adjustment: Same as base Creature +8

Example of creature using template here:

Vampire Tick
Huge Undead
Hit Dice: 8d12 (52 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class: 30 (-2 Size, +2 Dex, +20 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 28
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+28
Attack: Bite +14 melee (2d6+10 plus disease plus energy drain)
Full Attack: Bite +14 melee (2d6+10 plus disease plus energy drain)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Blood Drain, Create Spawn, Energy Drain, Attract Swarms, Improved Grab, Disease
Special Qualities: Scent, Undead Traits, Dark Vision 60 ft., Damage Reduction 10/Silver and Magic, Fast Healing 5, Immune to Cold, Turn Resistance, Spider Climb
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +6, Will +4
Abilities: Str 31, Dex 14, Con -, Int -, Wis 14, Cha 6
Skills: Hide +10, Listen +12, Move Silently +10, Search +8, Spot +12
Feats: Alertness, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, and Lightning Reflexes.
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 7
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ----


"Maw...the giant bug outside says I have to let him eat you..."

Vampiric Vermin are usually created by magical ritual, and are used as shock troops by evil Druids turned Blighter and Wizards.  Sometimes Clerics too.  They aren't usually well controlled, and are left to their own devices to destroy the surrounding countryside in preparations for their masters plan.  Of course their master may then have to put down his creation if he can't bring it to heel.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on February 13, 2009, 05:35:25 AM
Can I have a hint what the grey hulk is? anything core or complete? i'm absolutly stumped!  :shrug
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 13, 2009, 11:25:43 AM
Can I have a hint what the grey hulk is? anything core or complete? i'm absolutly stumped!  :shrug


Professor Lambis had been obsessed with Umber Hulks since he was a child and had toys modeled after them

Focus on this line and it will come to you  :D

or if not Ill just post it.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 13, 2009, 12:59:34 PM

Hummingbird Swarm
Fine Animal
Hit Dice: 3d8 (13 hp)
Initiative: +9
Speed: Fly 50 ft. ( 10 squares), Perfect
Armor Class: 23 (+8 Size, +5 Dex), touch 23, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/-
Attack: Swarm (1d6)
Full Attack: Swarm (1d6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Distraction
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Immune to Weapon Damage, Swarm Traits, Evasion
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +8, Will +3
Abilities: Str 1, Dex 20, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 15, Cha 8
Skills: Hide +21, Listen +7, Spot +7
Feats: Alertness, Improved Initiative
Environment: Temperate Forest or Marshes
Organization: Solitary (Hummingbirds only swarm when summoned magically)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ---

"Burt...Burt there's a buncha teeny birds lookin' at me.  Lookin' at me like ah don't belong..."

Nothing says AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH like being surrounded by angry Hummingbirds.  Normally Hummingbirds don't swarm unless magically summoned, and they usually get more guffaws than gasps.  At least until the first one puts out someone's eye.

Combat: Hummingbirds peck and run if the opponent can fight back, or just swarm him if he can't.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 16, 2009, 12:52:29 PM
Superhero Template

Superhero is an Acquired Template that can be applied to any creature.

Size and Type: Unchanged (Animals become Magical Beasts).

Hit Dice: The base creature is raised to 5 Hit Dice. If it has 5 or more Hit Dice it gains 5 Hit Dice.

Speed: Base creature gains Fly 120 ft (Good).

Armor Class: Gains +10 Deflection bonus to Armor Class.

Attacks: Unchanged.

Damage: Unchanged.

Special Attacks: Keeps all Special Attacks of the base Creature and gains the following:

Hard Fists: The Base creatures Unarmed Strikes do not provoke attacks of opportunity and do lethal damage.

Ray Vision (Su): Once every 1d4 rounds the Superhero unleashes an energy ray (choose Cold, Electricity, Fire, Force, or Sonic damage). This is a ranged touch attack with a range of 100 feet. Damage is 2d6 plus 1d6 more for every 3 Hit Dice it has.

Special Qualities: Keeps all Special Qualities of Base Creature and gains the following:

Damage Reduction: Gains DR 5/-.

Immunities: Immune to Fear, Disease, Poison, stunning, sleep effects, nonlethal damage, or critical hits.

Tuff Guy: Gains a Racial bonus to all Saving Throws equal to it's Charisma Bonus (minimum +1)

Enhanced Senses(Ex): The superhero gains a Racial Bonus to all Listen, Search, and Spot rolls equal to it's Charisma Bonus (minimum +1). It also gains this bonus to Survival rolls when tracking by Scent (if it has Scent).

Born Fighter (Ex): The Superhero takes no size penalties to combat maneuvers.

Saves: Unchanged (but see above).

Abilities: +16 Strength, +10 Constitution, Int raises (or lowers) to 10, +4 Charisma.

Skills: Unchanged, remember to add the skill points from the extra Hit Dice.

Feats: Unchanged, remember to add Feats gained because of the extra Hit Dice.

Environment: Any

Organization: Unique

Alignment: Becomes Chaotic Good

Treasure: Unchanged

Challenge Rating: +5?

Advancement: Unchanged (or by Character Class).

Level Adjustment: +6

"Abner...Abner that skwirl has a cape...and I don't think he likes you touching his nuts..."

Superheroes are cape wearing lunatics who believe they fight for the common good. In reality they cause massive amounts of property damage fighting villains, and usually level the small towns they are in the process of saving. They have the same appearance as the base creature, but with a cape or unusual mask or headdress or something. Some got their power from the Gods, some get it from magical experiments, some are just freaks of nature. But they've all had some life altering event that made them very powerful, and fried their brain.

Example: THE IRON SQUIRREL


Diminutive Magical Beast (Augmented)
Hit Dice: 5d10+25 (52 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), 30 ft. climb, 120 ft Fly (Good)
Armor Class: 27 (+4 Size, +3 Dex, +10 Deflection), touch 27, flat-footed 24
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+9
Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d3+4)
Full Attack: Bite +12 melee (1d3+4)
Space/Reach: 1 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Ray Vision, Hard Fists
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 5/-, Immunities, Enhanced Senses, Tuff Guy, Born Fighter
Saves: Fort +10, Ref +8, Will +3
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 17, Con 20, Int 10, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Balance +11, Climb +11, Intimidation +4, Listen +3, Spot +3
Feats: Alertness, Improved Initiative
Environment: Any
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment:+6


The Iron Squirrel appears to have been always powerful, he simply got tired of people picking on his nuts one day.  he ferociously defends the local forests nut trees, and may the Gods help anyone trying to raid them.

Skills: Squirrels have a +8 bonus racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks. A squirrel can always choose to take 10 on a Climb check, even if rushed or threatened. A squirrel uses its Dexterity modifier for Climb checks.

Hard Fists: The Iron Squirrels Unarmed Strikes do not provoke attacks of opportunity and do lethal damage.

Ray Vision (Su): Once every 1d4 rounds the Iron Squirrel can shoot a ray from his eyes. The ray is a 100' ranged touch attack doing 3d6 Force damage.

Immunities: Immune to Fear, Disease, Poison, stunning, sleep effects, nonlethal damage, or critical hits.

Tuff Guy: Gains a Racial bonus to all Saving Throws equal to his Charisma Bonus

Enhanced Senses(Ex): The Iron Squirrel gains a Racial Bonus to all Listen, Search, and Spot rolls equal to his Charisma Bonus.

Born Fighter (Ex): The Iron Squirrel takes no size penalties to combat maneuvers.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 16, 2009, 01:22:54 PM
Green Hulk
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             12d8+94 (148, 196 Raging)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (-1 Size, +9 natural), touch 9, flat-footed 18
Armor Class Raging:          16 (-2 Rage, -1 Size, +9 natural), touch 7, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple:  +8/+21 (+29 Raging)
Attack:               Smash +16 melee (2d6+9)
Attack Raging:               Smash +24 melee (2d6+17)
Full Attack:          2 Smashes +16 melee (2d6+9)
Full Attack Raging:          2 Smashes +24 melee (2d6+17)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Rage, Powerful Build
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Regeneration 5, Damage Reduction 3/-
Saves:                Fort +13 (+17 Raging), Ref +4, Will +8 (+12 Raging)
Abilities:            Str 28 (36 Raging), Dex 11, Con 24 (32 Raging), Int 8, Wis 11, Cha 15
Skills:               Climb +13 (+21 Raging), Jump +13 (+21 Raging), Listen +4, Spot +3
Feats:                Destructive Rage, Great Fortitude, Improved Toughness, Instantaneous Rage, Mad Foam Rager*
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     9
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Neutral
Advancement:          13-48 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

*See Complete Warrior and PHB2 for some Feats

"Hey Abner, how da you say Please Don't Kill Us in freaky mutant critter?"

Professor Arturo was a lazy slug.  Always had been.  Always would be.  With no clue as to what to do for the contest he stole Professor Lambis' notes for transforming the Hulks by exposing them to planar energies.  His first two experiments (Alpha and Beta) died.  The third (Gamma) made a strange green, muscular Hulk with anger management issues.  He promptly beat Arturo like a government mule and escaped.  Arturo has made several more with the same results.  He, of course, lost the contest.  And a few brain cells from the multiple concussions.  The Green Hulks appear to speak Common.

Powerful Build: Identical to the ability listed on page 12 of the Expanded Psionics Handbook.

Rage: Identical to the Mighty Rage ability listed on Page 26 of the PHB.  It may be used a number of times per day equal to the Hulks Hit Dice divided by 3.

Combat: Green Hulks tend to fight by going into rage, charging, and repeatedly bashing whatever made them angry with their fists until it no longer needs bashing.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on February 17, 2009, 04:07:33 AM
You just hadda didn't ya... XD 

:drunk
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 17, 2009, 03:07:53 PM
You just hadda didn't ya... XD 

:drunk

I had a request for it...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 19, 2009, 01:34:31 PM
Vampire Baby Swarm
Tiny Undead (Swarm)
Hit Dice: 12d12+15 (93 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 15 ft. (3 squares), Climb 15 ft.
Armor Class: 18 (+2 Size, +3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/-
Attack: Swarm (3d6 plus blood drain plus energy drain)
Full Attack: Swarm (3d6 plus blood drain plus energy drain)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Distraction, Blood Drain, Energy Drain, Domination
Special Qualities: Half Damage from Slashing and Piercing, Swarm Traits, Dark Vision 60', +2 Turn Resistance, Damage Reduction 5/Silver, Fast Healing 2, Gaseous Form, Energy Resistance 10 (Cold and Electricity), Spider Climb, Undead Traits, Weaknesses
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +8, Will +9
Abilities: Str 8, Dex 16, Con -, Int 6, Wis 13, Cha 14
Skills: Bluff +6, Hide +24, Listen +8, Move Silently +16, Search +7, Sense Motive +5, Spot +7
Feats: Toughness x5, Alertness (B), Improved Initiative (B), Lightning Reflexes (B)
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 8??
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Always Evil (any)
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ---

"Burt...Burt I don't like me the look o' them babies...I think we should squish 'em and run...screw that let's just run."

The Gods alone know how these swarms come into existence. Who knew vampires could have kids? In litters no less. No wonder women are afraid of them...

Skills: Vampire Baby Swarms have a +4 Racial Bonus to Bluff, Hide, Listen, Move Silently, Search, Sense Motive, and Spot checks.

Blood Drain (Ex): Living creatures hit by the Vampire Babies swarm attack lose 2 points of Constitution due to drain each round.

Energy Drain (Su): Living Creatures hit by the Vampire Babies swarm attack gain one negative level. The Save DC to remove the negative level is 18 (Save is Charisma based).

Gaseous Form (Su): See monster manual page 254.

Spider Climb (Ex): Vampire Babies can climb walls as though with the Spider Climb spell.

Combat: Vampire Babies pretty much act like any other Swarm.  "Oh look victims..FOR THE HORDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on February 20, 2009, 01:48:01 AM
You forgot the swarm subtype... ya might want to add that!
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 20, 2009, 01:19:31 PM
You forgot the swarm subtype... ya might want to add that!

Thanks   :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 20, 2009, 02:37:35 PM
Atomic Golem
                      Huge Construct
Hit Dice:             45d10 (490)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          53 (-2 Size, +45 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 53
Base Attack/Grapple:  +33/+58
Attack:               Slam +48 melee (4d8+17 plus radiation)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +48 melee (4d8+17 plus radiation)
Space/Reach:          20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Radioactive, Atomic Breath, Atomic Smite
Special Qualities:    Spawn of the Atom, Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 15/-, Dark Vision 60', Immunity to Magic, Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +20, Ref +20, Will +21
Abilities:            Str 45, Dex 10, Con -, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 1
Skills:               -
Feats:                -
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary (possibly Unique)
Challenge Rating:     22?
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          46-60 HD (Gargantuan), 61-75 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"How do we stop that thing Bob?"

"I'm sorry Zeke, I couldn't hear you over the sound of me crapping myself.  Could you repeat that?"

The Atomic Golem is a unique being composed of unknown metals and substances.  it has never been destroyed, but is often imprisoned or somehow sent away (i.e. gated to another plane).  Somehow the damn thing keeps coming back.  It's like a giant, poison Energizer Bunny.  It keeps on going.  The Golem appears to have gone Berserk at some point in it's past and upon awakening or entering a plane it just starts smashing everything in sight.  If it goes for long periods of time with nothing to smash it will go comatose.  What exact circumstances will wake it up are unknown.  The Atomic Golem is a metal figure standing almost 30 feet tall and weighing over 16 tons.  If it can communicate, it does not appear inclined to do so.

Radioactive (Ex): The Atomic Golem is made of radioactive materials.  Anything struck by it's Fists must make a DC 32 Fortitude Save or permanently lose 1d4 Constitution Damage.  Anything grappling or grappled by it must make a DC 32 Fortitude Save or take the same Con damage.  Anything coming within 120' of the Golem must make a DC 32 Fortitude Save the initial round, at 1 minute, and at 10 minutes.  If the opponent fails at 1 round he takes 1d2 permanent Con damage.  If the opponent fails at 1 minute he takes another 1d2 permanent Con damage.  If the opponent fails at 10 minutes it takes 1d4 permanent Constitution damage.  Save DC is Constitution based.  The permanent Con damage can be healed by Greater Restoration or Heal.  Any area in which the Atomic Golem rests for more than 10 minutes (or uses its Atomic Smite/Breath abilities) becomes radioactive itself. This has the following effects: A 30' Radius from where the Golem was resting (or standing when it used its abilities) becomes mildly radioactive for 1d6 centuries. Anything living entering the area must make a DC 12 Fortitude Save or lose 1d4 Con.  It must make this save 1 round after entering, and again each hour it is there.

Atomic Breath (Su): Once per day the Atomic Golem can unleash a blast of Radiation.  This is a 70' Cone.  Anything in it's area of effect must make a DC 32 Fortitude Save or permanently lose 1d6 Constitution.  Save DC is Constitution Based. Damage may be healed by Greater Restoration or heal.

Atomic Smite (Su): Once per day the Atomic Golem can unleash a devastating charge of radiation through its fist.  The Atomic Smite requires the opponent to make a DC 32 Fortitude Save or permanently lose 2d4 Con instead of 1d4.  The attack also gains a +4 Bonus to hit and damage.

Spawn of the Atom (Ex): Due to it's nature the Atomic Golem has maximum hit points per hit die. It also gains a +5 Racial Bonus to all Saving Throws and Initiative checks.  It is immune to Radiation.  Exposure to Severely Irradiated areas actually grants the Golem Fast Healing 10 as long as it stays there.

Immunity to Magic (Ex): The Atomic Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows
spell resistance. 

Combat:  The Atomic Golem doesn't require much in the way of tactics due to it's radioactivity.  It simply walks towards any opponent and begins flailing at ti with it's fists.  If there are large numbers of opponents it will use it's Atomic Breath, and if one is particularly troublesome it will use it's Atomic Smite.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on February 20, 2009, 06:35:47 PM
What happens if an Atomic Golem punches another Atomic Golem?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on February 20, 2009, 10:07:30 PM
What happens if an Atomic Golem punches another Atomic Golem?
http://www.xstealth.eu/deco_img/anim_gif/atomic.gif (http://www.xstealth.eu/deco_img/anim_gif/atomic.gif)
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 21, 2009, 01:53:34 AM
What happens if an Atomic Golem punches another Atomic Golem?

Curently I believe there's only one of them.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on February 21, 2009, 02:26:38 AM
Arrangements can be made to duplicate it. :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on February 21, 2009, 03:34:05 AM
What happens if an Atomic Golem punches another Atomic Golem?

Curently I believe there's only one of them.
I hear the Soviets are working on Joe-1 in Siberia.....
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 21, 2009, 10:40:08 AM
Chiropterid
                      Huge Animal
Hit Dice:             18d8+144 (225 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class:          19 (-2 Size, -1 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 7, flat-footed 19
Base Attack/Grapple:  +13/+31
Attack:               Claw +21 melee (2d6+10)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +21 melee (2d6+10) and 1 Bite +16 melee (3d6+5)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Sonic Pulse, Swat
Special Qualities:    Blindsight 240', Scent, Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +20, Ref +10, Will +8
Abilities:            Str 30, Dex 9, Con 25, Int 2, Wis 15, Cha 10
Skills:                Listen +15, Search +6, Spot +9, Survival +7
Feats:                Alertness, Awesome Blow, Great Fortitude, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Toughness, Power Attack, Track
Environment:          Warm Forests
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     10
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          19-36 HD (huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"As you look up from the jungle floor to the walls of the cliffsides above, you see soemthing stirring in the giant caves running down their lengths.  Emerging from them are enormous wingless bat creatures.  The Chiropterids are awake for their nightly hunt."

The great Druidess Devi Hyooman tired of the endless swarms of gigantic mosquitoes infesting the rain forest she lived in.  The Dire Bats she had imported were too big to maneuver through the trees to catch them.  So she began a very selective breeding program over the years.  Eventually the Dire Bats became so big they lost the power of flight, their forelimbs now long front legs on their semi-erect quadrupedal forms.  They were massively barrel chested, and their sonar apparatus much more powerful, able to stun the mosquitoes long enough to be swatted from the air.  Even after she has passed on they continue living in the cliffs overlooking their jungle homes.

Sonic Pulse (Ex): As a Full Round Action the Chiropterid may unleash a nasty pulse of sound at it's opponents (usually giant mosquitoes).  This has the effect of an 80' Cone, and anything in the area must make a DC 26 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based), or be Stunned for 1d6 rounds.  If hte save is successful it is Dazed for 1 round.

Swat (Ex): If the Chiropterid successfully Stuns an opponent with it's Sonic Pulse it may make a Claw Attack as an immediate action.  This attack may use the Awesome Blow Feat without taking the -4 penalty to hit.  Flying opponents are knocked from the sky if hit successfully.

Skills: Chiropterids have a +4 Racial Bonus on Listen and Search checks.

Combat: Chiropterids usually open up with their Pulse and begin swatting until there's nothing left to fight, or they aren't hungry anymore.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 21, 2009, 10:53:21 AM
Answer to the previous trivia question: The Gray Hulk is based on the appearance of teh old Umber Hulk toy from the 80's


Orange Hulk
                      Large Aberration (Cold)
Hit Dice:             8d8+32 (68 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                20' ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+16
Attack:               Claw +11 melee (2d4+6)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +11 melee (2d4+6) and 1 Bite +6 melee (2d8+3)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Static Cling, Improved Grapple
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Obscuring Hair
Saves:                Fort +6, Ref +3, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 23, Dex 13, Con 19, Int 9, Wis 11, Cha 15
Skills:               Listen +3, Search +2, Spot +3, Survival +2
Feats:               Ability Focus (Static Cling), Diehard, Endurance
Environment:          Any Cold
Organization:         Solitary or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating:  8
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement:          9-16 HD (Large), 17-43 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Burt...Burt there's a huge pile o' hair out in the snow moving towards the cabin.."

Following Professor Lambis' cue, Professor Zamfirescu wanted to be different.  He also stole a copy of Lambis' notes.  His Hulks are among the oddest of the bunch, appearing as huge mounds of orange hair.  The wool on them is so thick making out their features is difficult at a distance.  They appear to speak Sylvan, which is odd because no one at the school speaks Sylvan and they have no idea who they picked it up from.

Improved Grapple (Ex): If the Orange Hulk successfully hits with it's Claw Attack, it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without Provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it does it's Claw damage +1d6 electricity damage (due to the constant movement necessitated by Grappling the Orange Hulk does +1d6 electricity damage with a successful Grapple Check).

Static Cling (Ex)  The thick hair of the Orange Hulk builds up huge charges of static electricity as it moves.  Any round that the Hulk moves and attacks it does +1d6 electricity damage with any attacks (+2d6 if it charges).  As a Full Round Action the Hulk may shuffle it's feet back and forth to build up a massive charge.  It's next hit does +4d6 electricity damage.  Any time the Hulk successfully criticals with an electrified attack it's opponent must make a DC 18 Fortitude Save or be Stunned 1 round (Save DC is Charisma Based).

Obscuring Hair (Ex): Opponents of the Orange Hulk take a -4 Circumstance Penalty on all Critical Confirmation rolls as the thick hair on their bodies obscures them. 

Combat: Orange Hulks charge into the fray, blasting their opponents with their electrical claw attack.  After that they usually just Grapple or rip away.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on February 21, 2009, 01:02:32 PM
Chiropterid
I like this, but, well, without wings, they aren't bats... nor chiropterids... but that's just my nitpicking. I like these, and the mental image I got while reading the description. Very Cool.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: BowenSilverclaw on February 21, 2009, 01:48:33 PM
The Orange Hulk reminds me from that hairy monster from those old Bugs Bunny cartoons :)

Just add sneakers :D


EDIT: This one: http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=3301.msg104377#msg104377 (http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=3301.msg104377#msg104377)

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 24, 2009, 12:18:51 PM
"Holy Shit is that a Mosquito?"
                      Medium Vermin
Hit Dice:             2d8+2 (11 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 80 ft., Good
Armor Class:          15 (+3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+5
Attack:               Proboscis +4 melee (1d6 plus disease)
Full Attack:          Proboscis +4 melee (1d6 plus disease)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Blood Drain, Improved grab, Anesthesia, Disease
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60'. Vermin traits, Improved Scent
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +3, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 11, Dex 16, Con 12, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills:               Spot +4, Survival +4 (+6 track by scent)
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:         Any Warm or Temperate
Organization:         Solitary or Swarm (3-10)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     --


"Bert...wake up Bert...it's on mah face...I need hep dammit..."[/B]

All jungles have mosquitoes.  Some of them have reeeeally big mosquitoes.

Blood Drain (Ex): Each round the Mosquito has a victim Pinned in a Grapple it does 1 point of temporary Constitution damage.  it will leave after it has drained 8 Constitution and become full.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Mosquito succeeds with it's Proboscis attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity.  Mosquitoes gain a +4 Racial Bonus to Grapple Checks.

Anesthesia (Ex): If the Mosquito attacks a sleeping or unaware victim (flat-footed) they must make a DC 12 Fortitude Save to realize the attack is happening due to the numbing effect of the Mosquitoes bite.  Save DC is Constitution Based.

Disease (Ex): West Nile virus—bite. Fortitude save (DC 12) negates; incubation period 1d4 days; initial damage 1 Dex and 1 Con; secondary damage 1d2 Dex (temporary) and 1d2 Con (temporary or permanent).

Improved Scent (Ex): As the Scent ability listed on page 314 of the Monster Manual, but the Mosquito can smell blood up to 1 mile away.

Skills (Ex): Mosquitoes gain a +4 Racial Bonus to Track and Survival checks.

Combat: Mosquitoes end to fly straight up, grapple, suck, and fly away as fast as they can.  Then come back in a few hours if they're still hungry.  Damn skeeters...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 25, 2009, 12:32:24 PM
Dire Armadillo
                      Gargantuan Animal
Hit Dice:             36d8+324 (486 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Burrow 30 ft.
Armor Class:          35 (-4 Size, -1 Dex, +30 Natural), touch 1, flat-footed 35
Base Attack/Grapple:  +27/+41
Attack:               Claw +41 melee (4d6+12/19-20)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +41 melee (4d6+12/19-20)
Space/Reach:          20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:     Sticky Tongue
Special Qualities:   Scent, Low Light Vision, Rollup, Damage Reduction 10/-
Saves:                Fort +34, Ref +19, Will +14
Abilities:            Str 35, Dex 8, Con 26, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 12
Skills:               Climb +20, Listen +10, Search +4, Spot +10, Survival +9
Feats:                Awesome Blow, Cleave, Devastating Critical, Epic Fortitude, Great Cleave, Great Fortitude, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Critical, Improved Toughness, Overwhelming Critical, Power Attack, Power Critical, Weapon Focus (Claws)
Environment:          Warm Forests
Organization:         Solitary, Pair
Challenge Rating:   
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          37-54 HD (Gargantuan), 55-72 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bob...Bob that's not a hill..."

Dire Armadillos are armored tanks the size of small houses that feed on giant ants.  They pretty much ignore everything else, but they are skittish, and spooking them isn't wise.  They let out a sound like steam escaping and pound everything in the area to dust if frightened.

Sticky Tongue (Ex): This is a Ranged Touch Attack with a Range of 15'.  If used on an opponent at least 3 Size classes smaller than the Armadillo (and it hits successfully) he Armadillo immediately gets a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful, it may reel that opponent in the next round, and Swallow him the round after if the Grapple is maintained.

Swallow Whole (Ex): The Dire Armadillo may Swallow any creature 3 sizes smaller than itself with a successful Grapple check.  The Swallowed Creature takes 3d6+12 points of bludgeoning damage and 12 points of acid damage each round it is inside the Dire Armadillo's stomach.  A swallowed creature may cut it's way out by doing 35 points of damage to the stomach (AC 25) with a light slashing or piercing weapon.  Once it exits muscular action closes the hole, and other swallowed opponents must cut their own way out.

Rollup (Ex): As a standard action a Dire Armadillo can rollup.  It is immobile in this form and can take no action, but it gains a +5 Circumstance Bonus to AC and Fortitude Saves.  In addition it is immune to Swarm damage in this form, and it may substitute it's Fortitude Save for it's Reflex Save when attacked by Area of Effect spells, abilities, or effects.

Combat: Dire Armadillo's are more interested in food than fighting, but they spook easily.  Anything surprising them provokes an assault, as well as anything stupid enough to run at it with a sword (and you'd be surprised how many people do it). 
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 26, 2009, 01:29:27 PM
Dire Tree Kangaroo
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             5d8+10 (32 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Climb 40 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (-1 Size, +4 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+11
Attack:               Claw +7 melee (1d4+4)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +7 melee (1d4+4)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Pounce from Above!
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Tree Travel
Saves:                Fort +6, Ref +8, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 18, Dex 18, Con 15, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 6
Skills:               Balance +13, Climb +14, Hide +2, Jump +25, Listen +5, Move Silently +6, Spot +5
Feats:                Alertness, Stealthy
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         
Level Adjustment:     ---

"GIT IT OFF MEEEEEEE...aww it's all cute and fuzzy like...BUT ITS EVIL!! GITITOFFMEEEEEEE"

Dire Tree Kangaroos are fuzzy marsupial critters almost the size of tigers with a sense of humor (they enjoy pouncing on people from out of trees).

Pounce from Above (Ex): When leaping from a tree onto an opponent below the Dire Tree Kangaroo is considered to be doing a Charge Attack and does +2d6 damage as it lands on the opponent.

Tree Travel (Ex): Dire Tree Kangaroos may move through the trees quicker than they can on the ground.  A Dire Tree Kangaroo may move at 40' while leaping through the trees.

Skills: The Dire Tree Kangaroo has a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb and Balance checks, and a +20 Racial Bonus to Jump checks.

Combat: Dire Tree Kangaroos generally aren't all that offensive, but they are sometimes a bit territorial.  Hence they tend to drop from the sky on unsuspecting adventurers every so often.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 27, 2009, 01:53:07 PM
Dire Tamandua
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             4d8+12 (30 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class:          14 (+4 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+7
Attack:               Claw +7 melee (2d4+4)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +7 melee (2d4+4)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 18, Dex 10, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 6
Skills:               Climb +12, Listen +4, Search +3
Feats:                Blind-Fight, Skill Focus (Search)
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          5-8 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Uuuh...Burt...there's a uh...there's a weird critter thingie in the tree starin' at us.."


Dire Tamandua's are large tree climbing anteaters.  Fairly inoffensive, their claws are still quite nasty if they are frightened.

Skills: Tamandua have a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb check.

Combat: Dire Tamandua's tend to flail at opponents with their claws i nthe hopes they will run away.  They're too slow to run away themselves.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on February 28, 2009, 10:28:16 AM
Dire Poison Arrow Frog
                      Small Animal
Hit Dice:             1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          14 (+1 Size, +3 Dex), touch 14, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-6
Attack:               Bite +3 melee (1d3-2)
Full Attack:          Bite +3 melee (1d3-2)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Toxic Skin
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 7, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills:               Climb +11, Jump +11, Listen +3, Spot +3, Swim +9
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-5)
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          -
Level Adjustment:     ---

"BURT!! DON'T TOUCH THAT FROG!!"

Dire Poison Arrow Frogs are about the size of baboons. 

Skills: Dire Poison Arrow Frogs have a +8 Racial Bonus on Climb, Jump, and Swim checks.  They may always take 10 on a climb or swim check even if rushed or endangered.  They may use their Dexterity or Strength Bonus for Climb and Jump checks, whichever is better.

Toxic Skin (Ex): The toxins in the Dire Poison Arrow Frogs skin are incredibly poisonous.  Anything touching it with bare skin, grappling, or attacking with an unarmed strike or natural weapon risks being poisoned (Contact, Fortitude Save DC 16, Initial and Secondary Damage 3d6 Constitution).  Save DC is Con based, the Frog has a +6 Racial Bonus to the Save DC.  Anything stupid enough to swallow one whole must make a DC 16 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Con based, the Frog has a +6 Racial Bonus to the Save DC) or violently retch it back up next round taking 1d6 damage in the process.]

Combat: Dire Poison Arrow Frogs rarely initiate combat.  They rely on their markings to warn predators of their nature.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 01, 2009, 12:44:32 PM
Dire Chameleon
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             5d8+15 (38 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class:          13 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+11
Attack:               Bite +6 melee (1d8+4) or Tongue +2 Ranged Touch (Grapple)
Full Attack:          Bite +6 melee (1d8+4) or Tongue +2 Ranged Touch (Grapple)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft. (10 ft. with Tongue)
Special Attacks:      Tongue, Swallow Whole
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Camouflage, Hide in Plain Sight, Wide Angle Vision
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +3, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 18, Dex 8, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 6
Skills:               Climb +12, Hide +11, Search +2, Spot +7
Feats:                Point Blank Shot, Weapon Focus (Tongue)
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Bawb...Bawb thet bush is lookin' at me...lokkin' at me with big google eyes..."

Dire Chameleons are the size of small alligators.

Tongue: The Dire Chameleon has a very sticky tongue, and if it successfully a ranged touch attack with it, the Chameleon can immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity.  If the Grapple Check is successful it may make a Grapple Check to "reel in" the opponent the next round, and it begins doing bite damage the next round after that (if the opponent is too big to swallow) or uses it's Swallow Whole ability.

Swallow Whole: The Chameleon may Swallow any creature up to 2 Size Classes Smaller than itself with a successful Grapple Check.  The swallowed creature takes 1d8+4 in bludgeoning damage each round and 4 points of acid damage as well. A swallowed creature may attack the gizzard (AC 12), and doing 15 points of damage with a light slashing or piercing weapon. Muscular action immediately closes the hole, and other swallowed creatures must cut their own way out. The gizzard can hold 2 Small, 8 Tiny, 32 Diminutive, or 128 Fine Opponents.

Camouflage: Identical to the Ranger class ability listed on page 48 of the PHB.

Hide in Plain Sight: Identical to the Ranger class ability listed on page 48 of the PHB.

Wide Angle Vision: Dire Chameleons cannot be Flanked, and have a +4 Racial Bonus to Search and Spot checks.

Skills: The Dire Chameleon has a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks, and a +12 Racial Bonus to Hide Checks.  They may always Take 10

Combat:  Dire Chameleons generally Hide, and use their Tongue once a small prey creature gets close, or bites if something larger gets nearby.  If ambush tactics fail, it will try to remain hidden until the opponent leaves.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 04, 2009, 10:04:08 AM



Dire Naked Mole Rat, Worker
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             2d8+4 (13 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Burrow 30 ft.
Armor Class:          14 (+2 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+3
Attack:               Bite +3 melee (1d8+4)
Full Attack:          Bite +3 melee (1d8+4)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Blind, Painless, Survival Adaptations, Scent, Tremorsense 60', Blindsense 30', Acid Resistance 3
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 15, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 4
Skills:               Listen +3, Search +3
Feats:                Improved Natural Attack (Bite)
Environment:          Underground
Organization:         Solitary, Group (3-6), or Colony (25-50)
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---



Dire Naked Mole Rat, Soldier
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             3d8+12 (25 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Burrow 30 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+2 Dex, +3 natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+5
Attack:               Bite +5 melee (1d8+6)
Full Attack:          Bite +5 melee (1d8+6)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Listen +4, Search +3
Special Qualities:    Blind, Painless, Survival Adaptations, Scent, Tremorsense 60', Blindsense 30', Acid Resistance 3
Saves:                Fort +6, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 17, Dex 15, Con 17, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 4
Skills:               Improved Grab
Feats:                Improved Natural Attack (Bite), Improved Toughness
Environment:          Underground
Organization:         Solitary, Group (3-6), or Guard (10-25)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          4-5 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---


Dire Naked Mole Rat, Queen
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             5d8+25 (47 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Burrow 30 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+12
Attack:               Bite +7 melee (2d6+10)
Full Attack:          Bite +7 melee (2d6+10)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab
Special Qualities:    Blind, Painless, Survival Adaptations, Scent, Tremorsense 90', Blindsense 60', Acid Resistance 5
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +5, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 20, Dex 12, Con 18, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 8
Skills:               Listen +6, Search +4
Feats:                Improved Natural Attack (Bite), Improved Toughness
Environment:          Underground
Organization:         Solitary, plus 5 Soldiers and 10 Workers
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          6-8 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Burt...Burt I think we got moles...big moles...maybe mutants..."

Dire Naked Mole Rats are similar to their smaller cousins, and just as disturbing.

Improved Grab (Ex): Naked Mole Rat Soldiers and Queens may make a Grapple Check against a creature their own Size Class or Smaller without provoking an attack of opportunity.  They may use their Bite during a Grapple.

Blind (Ex): Naked Mole Rats are effectively Blind, meaning they are immune to any effect requiring eyesight.

Painless (Ex): Naked Mole Rats cannot feel pain as well as other creatures.  They are immune to subdual damage or penalties based solely on pain (i.e. spells like Wrack, Symbol of Pain, etc).

Survival Adaptations (Ex): Naked Mole Rats have a +4 Racial Bonus on all Fortitude Saves made against disease, starvation, dehydration, or suffocation.

Blindsense (Ex): Naked Mole Rats are extremely aware of changes in the air pressure in their confining burrows.  As long as they are within their tunnel system they effectively have Blindsight.

Skills (Ex): Naked Mole Rats have a +4 Racial Bonus on Search checks.

Combat: Naked Mole Rats are extremely xenophobic, killing anything entering their burrows, even mole rats from other groups.  They swarm en masse and bite away or try to block the tunnel by filling it with dirt.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 05, 2009, 01:14:05 PM
Any thoughts on the mole rats before I finish up?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on March 05, 2009, 03:58:53 PM
With a Burrow speed to indicate appendages designed to cut through soil, I'm wondering why they don't get at least one Claw attack....
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 06, 2009, 02:23:28 PM
They burrow with their teeth.  Their cheeks seal so they dont ingest the dirt.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 07, 2009, 11:26:23 AM
 Dire Spitting Cobra
                      Huge Animal
Hit Dice:             9d8+45 (85 hp)
Initiative:           +6
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30 ft., Swim 30 ft.
Armor Class:          18 (-2 Size, +2 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+21
Attack:               Bite +11 melee (1d8+7 plus poison) or Spit +6 ranged touch (Blindness)
Full Attack:          Bite +11 melee (1d8+7 plus poison) or Spit +6 ranged touch (Blindness)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spit Venom, Poison
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +11, Ref +10, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 15, Con 20, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 2
Skills:               Balance +12, Climb +17, Hide +2, Listen +8, Spot +8, Swim +15
Feats:                Ability Focus (Poison, Spit Venom), Improved Initiative, Lightning Reflexes
Environment:          Warm Forest or Underground
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:    5
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          10-18 HD (Huge), 19-36 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Honey!! Honey git the wand!  Them snakes is back a' spittin' on the cows agin!"

Dire Spitting Cobras are an unfortunate problem in jungles about the world.  Their ability to permanently blind opponents with their venom makes them much worse opponents than the average giant snake.

Spit Venom (Ex): If the Dire Spitting Cobra can hit with a ranged touch attack, it's opponent must make a DC 21 Fortitude Save or be permanently blinded.  If the Cobra succeeds in making a critical hit some of the venom seeps into the victims bloodstream (Contact, Fortitude Save DC 21, Initial and Secondary damage 1d6 Constitution).

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude Save DC 21, Initial and Secondary Damage 2d6 Constitution.  Save DC is Constitution based.

Skills: Dire Spitting Cobras have a +4 Racial Bonus to Hide, Listen and Spot checks, and a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance, Climb and Swim checks.  They may always take 10 on a Climb or Swim check, and may use the Run action while swimming in a straight line.  They may use their Dexterity or Strength Modifier for Climb checks, whichever is better.

Combat: Dire Spitting Cobras usually blind opponents with venom before moving in for the bite.  Usually the poison is enough to finish off most opponents.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on March 10, 2009, 01:41:57 AM
A refreshing look at what is usually the most boring creature type for monsters! bhu's monsters have fun coming out the wazoo! (wich would be a very interesting monster by the way...)  :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 11, 2009, 11:07:45 AM
Any thoughts on this one:

Dire Porcupine
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             8d8+40 (76 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class:          18 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +8 natural), touch 10, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+17
Attack:               Quill Slam +12 melee (1d4+7)
Full Attack:          Quill Slam +12 melee (1d4+7)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Quill Slam
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Quill Defense
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +7, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 13, Con 18, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills:                Climb +16, Listen +6, Spot +6
Feats:                Alertness, Endurance, Improved Toughness
Environment:          Warm or Temperate Desert, Forest, Hills, and Plains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          9-16 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Aw man...Burt I don't think we can save yer dawg now..."

Dire Porcupines are pests with an insatiable desire for munching salt.  They'll even strip paint from buildings to get it.  They shed their deadly quills every where, and some have wiped out herds as all the bulls charge them and die after getting stuck.  Farmers and hunters hate them.  But they're huge, good climbers, and about as powerful as a bear.  A pointy bear.  A pointy bear who likes to lick paint.

Quill Defense (Ex): Anyone striking the Porcupine with an unarmed strike, a natural weapon, or (god forbid you're this stupid) grappling one becomes impaled on it's quills taking piercing damage equal to 1d6 plus the attackers Strength bonus.  For each point of damage taken, 1 quill is embedded in the opponent.  If the opponent is using melee weapons that don't have Reach he must make a DC 18 Reflex Save to avoid the quills (Save DC is Constitution based).  Any round the character spends doing something strenuous (climbing, swimming, running, fighting, etc) they work their way in further causing the opponent to take a -2 penalty to all rolls until 1d6 rounds after he stops doing strenuous activity.  If he spends more than 5 rounds performing strenuous activity he takes 1d6 damage.  Quills can be removed several ways.  They can be yanked out, doing 1 point of damage per quill.  Or they can be removed by a DC 15 Healing check per quill to remove them without doing damage.  If the quills aren't removed within a day, infection may set in and they must daily make Fortitude checks to avoid contacting the Red Ache (See DMG page 292).  Damage done by the Porcupine's Quill Slam embeds 1 quill per point of damage as well.

Skills: Porcupines get a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb checks, and may always take 10 on a Climb check.

Combat: Porcupines usually just raise their quills and once an opponent has attacked them they usually decide not to do so again.  If he is stupid enough to try it again the Dire Porcupine will grapple trying to lodge as many quills in the opponent as possible.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on March 12, 2009, 12:53:15 AM
Any thoughts on this one:

um.. I want one to ride? that'd be awesome, plus, hey, free short spears!
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on March 12, 2009, 04:03:04 AM
That'd be nasty on your crotch.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on March 12, 2009, 04:36:41 PM
adamantine lined saddle.  ;)
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 13, 2009, 02:50:06 PM
Dire Shrew
                      Small Animal
Hit Dice:             2d8+4 (13 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30 ft., Swim 30 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (+1 Size, +2 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/-2
Attack:               Bite +6 melee (1d4+3 plus poison)
Full Attack:          Bite +6 melee (1d4+3 plus poison)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Poison
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent, Hyper Metabolism, Ferocity, Fearless
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 6
Skills:               Listen, Search, Survival
Feats:                 Improved Initiative, Track (B), Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment:          Any Temperate or Warm except Aquatic or Underground
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"RUN! It's a big squeaky thang!!"

Dire Shrews are ravenous pests that infest virtually every environment in the known world.  Since they need to eat their own weight in food each day, they're are considered a prime target for farmers whose stock they tend to raid.  Few critters are as damaging to the environment as the Dire Shrew.

Poison (Ex): Injury, DC 13 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based), Initial Damage is 1d6 Constitution, Secondary damage is Paralysis.

Hyper Metabolism (Ex): Dire Shrews have a -2 Racial Penalty made on all Fortitude Saves to avoid starvation, and must begin making rolls after 12 hours if it has not eaten.  But it has a Racial Bonus to attack, damage, and initiative rolls equal to it's Constitution Modifier. 

Ferocity (Ex): The Dire Shrew may fight and act normally from -1 to -9 hit points.

Fearless (Ex): Dire Shrews are immune to Fear effects.

Skills: Shrews have a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb and Swim checks, and may always take 10 on a Climb or Swim check.  They also have a +4 Racial Bonus on Listen Checks.

Combat: Shrews charge and begin biting furiously, trusting in their venom to bring down prey.  They are almost fearless, and will attack even creatures bigger than  themselves.

will return to finish
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 14, 2009, 11:43:19 AM
Anyone know what kind of poison it is shrews have? Neurotoxin?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on March 15, 2009, 10:43:43 PM
I may not know what kind of poison they use (will look up later), but I do believe you have found the ultimate example of the meme "omnomnomnom". except it eats people.  :evillaugh
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 21, 2009, 12:26:54 PM
                      Dire Groundhog
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             8d8+32 (68 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Burrow 20 ft., Climb 20 ft., Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (-1 Large, +2 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+17
Attack:      Claw +12 melee (1d8+7)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +12 melee (1d8+7) and 1 Bite +10 melee (2d6+3)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +8, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 15, Con 18, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 6
Skills:               Climb +15, Listen +9, Spot +10, Swim +15
Feats:                Alertness, Endurance, Multiattack
Environment:          Underground or Temperate Plains or Forest
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          9-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"THERE'S BEARS IN THE GROUND!!!"

"Bob...bears don't burrow."

"IT SQUEAKED AT ME!!"

"Bob...bears don't squeak."

"THERE'S BEARS IN THE GROUND!!!"

"Sigh...I could spend my entire life having this conversation...Okay one more time, please try to understand before one of us dies..."


Groundhogs are, oddly enough, related to ground squirrels, and accomplished climbers and swimmers.  Which makes Dire Groundhogs an all terrain butt-kicking machine...

Skills: Dire Groundhogs have a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb and Swim Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb or Swim Check.

Combat: Dire Groundhogs prefer not to fight, but lash out wildly with their teeth and claws if someone presses the issue.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 22, 2009, 01:05:03 PM
Dragon Millipede
                      Gargantuan Vermin
Hit Dice:             15d8+45 (112 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Climb 40 ft.
Armor Class:          20 (-4 Size, +2 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +11/+31
Attack:               Bite +14 melee (2d8+7)
Full Attack:          Bite +14 melee (2d8+7)
Space/Reach:          20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spit Cyanide
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Vermin traits
Saves:                Fort +12, Ref +7, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 26, Dex 15, Con 16, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills:               Climb +15, Spot +5
Feats:                -
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          16-32 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Yo Mike, there's a huge pink bug critter outside."

"Whut's it a'doin'?"

"Meltin' the goats faces with it's spit."

"I quit."

Dragon Millipedes are bright pink, spiny millipedes almost 60' long that can spit cyanide.  Theoretically it's a form of defense against predators according to Sages (defense? from what?), but it's also pretty good for bringing down munchable prey.

Spit Cyanide (Ex):  The Dragon Millipede can spit Cyanide once every 1d4 rounds in a 120' Line.  Anything in the area of effect has to make a DC 20 Fortitude Save or be poisoned (Contact, Initial and Secondary damage 2d6 Constitution).

Skills: Dragon Millipedes have a +4 Racial Bonus to Spot checks, and a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks.  They may always take 10 on a CLimb Check.

Combat: Dragon Millipedes open up with spitting cyanide, then move in to bite.  Should this somehow fail they will blast their opponents with cyanide again and flee.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 23, 2009, 09:49:06 AM
(http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc70/bhutastan/monsters/motivator4312210.jpg)


 Dire Bunnies
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             6d8+18 (45 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                50 ft. (10 squares), Burrow 20 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+11
Attack:               Claw +6 melee (1d6+3)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +6 melee (1d6+3) and 1 Bite +1 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Rake (1d6+3)
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Immune to Nausea, Magic Tinkering, Scent, Scamper
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +8, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 16, Dex 16, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills:               Jump +11, Listen +13, Spot +8
Feats:                Alertness, Fleet of Foot, Run
Environment:          Temperate Forests or Plains
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, Group (4-8), Colony (Several thousand)
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          6-9 HD (Large), 10-18 HD (Huge), 19-36 HD (Gargantuan), 37+ HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Mommie I found a bunny can I keep 'im."

"HOLY ____!!!"

"Mommie you always told we I wasn't 'sposed to use that word..."


Rumor has it that Dire Bunnies began as either a drunken joke, or the result of a mad farming mage who wanted a bigger food source.  If so the joke was on him.  A diet of pure rabbit meat can lead to a condition known as "rabbit starvation", and they mindlessly reproduce much quicker than sheep or cattle.  Some are extwa fwuffy though, so their fur is quite prized.  they aren't as good at burrowing as their rgular sized cousins, but they can still scamper quite fast.

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Dire Rabbit hits with it's Claw Attack, it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it may Rake.

Rakes (Ex): In a Grapple the Dire Rabbit has 2 Rake Attacks +6 to hit doing 1d6+3 damage.

Immune to Nausea (Ex): Due to their odd digestive system, rabbits cannot vomit, and so are immune to Nausea.

Magic Tinkering (Ex): Unlike most Dire Animals, Dire Rabbits come about as a result of magic used to increase their potential (much like Magebred horses in Eberron).  Unfortunately it went awry, and instead Dire Rabbits continue to grow with age.  Maximum size and age are currently unknown.

Scamper (Ex): If it wishes to flee a Dire Rabbit can temporarily increase it's Land Speed to 80 ft for (3+Constitution Modifier) rounds.  Once it Scampers it is Fatigued and may not scamper again until it has rested.

Skills: Dire Rabbits have a +8 Racial Bonus on Jump checks.  They also have a +4 Racial Bonus on Listen checks.

Combat: Bunnies are much like cats in that they prefer to grab hold and rake.





Elder Dire Bunnies
                      Super Deluxe Extra Biggie Sized "Hep Me Jesus" Animal
Hit Dice:             100d8+1500 (1950 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                70 ft. (14 squares)
Armor Class:          34 (-16 Size, +40 Natural), touch 0, flat-footed 34
Base Attack/Grapple:  +75/+115
Attack:               Claw +79 melee (4d6+20)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +79 melee (4d6+20) and 1 Bite +74 melee (4d6+10)
Space/Reach:          100 ft./65 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Rake (1d6+20)
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Immune to Nausea, Magic Tinkering, Scent, Scamper, Damage Reduction 20/-, Energy Resistance 20 (Acid, Cold, Electricity, Fire, and Sonic)
Saves:                Fort +67, Ref +52, Will +35
Abilities:            Str 50, Dex 10, Con 40, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 40
Skills:               Jump +40, Listen +40, Spot +40
Feats:                Alertness, Fleet of Foot, Run, 29 more
Environment:          Temperate Forests or Plains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     17
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          101+ HD (Big)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Lookit it...jsut standin' aout there...wigglin' it's nose...it's EVIL I tells ya!"

" Bob...it's a rabbit...they all do that."

It'll be a'comin' fer our alfalfa fields...Ah knows it...Ah'm psychic that way..."

" Bob...rabbits eat alfalfa."

"Guess it's up to me to stop it!!"

10 minutes later:

"Dude...what the hell is Bob doing?  Is he attacking a 300 foot tall rabbit with a hoe?"

"Yeah.  Good thing the rabbit hasn't even noticed him.  Oh wait I think it just sniffed him..."

BOOM

"Well...guess we won't have to bail Bob out of jail anymore..."

Some Dire Rabbits get old enough to become truly gigantic.  Many an adventurer have been goaded into attacking one to avoid being called a sissy.  Not many of them survive the dare.  Those who do have one really lucky rabbits foot necklace (which requires some sort of magical levitation device to tow around).
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on March 23, 2009, 11:03:42 PM
Request Colossal++ version.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 26, 2009, 01:14:04 PM
Would rabbits have either scent or claws?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on March 26, 2009, 06:39:51 PM
scent, yes, I believe so.
Claws, yeah, you can make a case for it, a bite as well.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nanshork on March 26, 2009, 07:20:52 PM
Yes on both.  Smell and hearing are the main senses of rabbits.  And rabbits have claws, that's what they burrow in the ground with and they can scratch the  :censored out of other animals when attacked.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on March 26, 2009, 08:38:01 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Od92391upY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Od92391upY)death bunnehs
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: BowenSilverclaw on March 27, 2009, 06:02:34 PM
More bunnehs :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gr4QBZfjtqs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gr4QBZfjtqs)
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 29, 2009, 12:46:19 PM
Do they dig enough to have a small burrow speed?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on March 30, 2009, 12:04:50 AM
probably a minor one.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on March 30, 2009, 12:02:08 PM
Anyone got a clue how big the rabbit in that pic is?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on March 30, 2009, 08:34:22 PM
Given the buildings, you're going into Upper Krust size categories.1-2 steps above colossal.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 02, 2009, 12:46:59 PM
Okay I'm gonna give the Elder Dire Bunny a shot.  It wont be in the range of the pic, but it'll be big.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 04, 2009, 02:06:58 PM
Thoughts on CR for the Elder Dire Bunny?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 07, 2009, 12:55:19 PM
How about CR 17 for the big'un?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 10, 2009, 11:00:54 AM
Dire Hare
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             8d8+36 (72 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                60 ft. (12 squares)
Armor Class:          17 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+15
Attack:               Claw +10 melee (1d8+5)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +10 melee (1d8+5) and 1 Bite +5 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Rake (1d8+5)
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Immune to Nausea, Scent, Scamper
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +9, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 20, Dex 16, Con 18, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills:               Jump +13, Listen +14, Spot +9
Feats:                Alertness, Fleet of Foot, Run
Environment:          Temperate Forests or Plains
Organization:         Solitary, or Pair
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          9-12 HD (Large), 13-16 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"PAW! PAW! Them hares is in the crops agin! Can we have Jugged Hare for dinner tonight if'n we get one?"

"They don't make jugs that big junior."



Dire Hares were an experiment in making crop animals, and an attempt to improve on the failed Dire Rabbit scheme.  They never do learn lessons well them wizards...

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Dire Hare hits with it's Claw Attack, it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it may Rake.

Rakes (Ex): In a Grapple the Dire Hare has 2 Rake Attacks +6 to hit doing 1d6+3 damage.

Immune to Nausea (Ex): Due to their odd digestive system, Hares cannot vomit, and so are immune to Nausea.

Scamper (Ex): If it wishes to flee a Dire Hare can temporarily increase it's Land Speed to 80 ft for (3+Constitution Modifier) rounds.  Once it Scampers it is Fatigued and may not scamper again until it has rested.

Skills: Dire Hares have a +8 Racial Bonus on Jump checks.  They also have a +4 Racial Bonus on Listen checks.

Combat: Bunnies are much like cats in that they prefer to grab hold and rake.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 13, 2009, 09:07:14 AM
Dire Hamster
                      Small Animal
Hit Dice:             1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Burrow 20 ft., Climb 15 ft.
Armor Class:          13 (+1 Size, +1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-5
Attack:               Nibble +1 melee (1d3-1)
Full Attack:          Nibble +1 melee (1d3-1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Wrasslin'
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Rubber Spine
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 13, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 8
Skills:               Climb +9, Escape Artist +9, Hide +6, Listen +6, Search +1, Spot +2
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Any Warm or Temperate except Aquatic or Marsh
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-50)
Challenge Rating:     1/3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Where the hell is that halfling with our dinner? Check the kitchen Bert."

10 minutes later

He's wrasslin' a 40 pound hamster over a carrot Bob."

"Friggin' hamsters...HEY PECK!! QUIT MESSIN' AROUND AND MAKE SOME FOOD ALREADY!"

Dire Hamsters are dangerous not in the traditional sense.  They aren't particularly powerful, but they breed quick, they always seem hungry, and a colony of them can wipe out a farm community pretty quick.

Wrasslin' (Ex) Hamsters love to wrestle over food or mates.  They may attempt a Grapple check without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Skills (Ex): Hamsters have a +4 Racial Bonus on Listen and Search checks.  They also have a +8 Racial Bonus on Climb and Escape Artist checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.  They may use their Strength or Dexterity Modifier for Climb Checks, whichever is better.

Rubber Spine (Ex): Hamsters subtract 10 feet from the distance of any fall before figuring up falling damage.

Combat: Hamsters will grapple opponents their own size or smaller, but generally flee other opponents unless their pups are threatened.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 14, 2009, 12:47:55 PM
Dire Guinea Pig
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             2d8 (9 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class:          13 (+1 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+1
Attack:               Nibble +2 melee (1d4)
Full Attack:          Nibble +2 melee (1d4)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 11, Dex 12, Con 11, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 8
Skills:               Hide +2, Jump +2,  Listen +8, Spot +2, Swim +8
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm or Temperate Plains
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Colony (10-50)
Challenge Rating:     1/6
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Why is the ground rumbling?  What the hell is that squeaking noise?"


Dire Guinea Pigs are either the pets of odder than usual Giants, or livestock animals for smaller humanoid races who have been brave enough to steal them from giants and raise them on their own.  Few towns are insane enough to steal a Giants beluved pet, so quite frankly most of the humanoids you'll encounter raising these will be pretty freaky too.  Let's face it what kind of starving, inbred whackadoo steals the pets o something that can squish them without a second thought?

Skills: Guinea Pigs have a +4 Racial Bonus to Listen Checks, and a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim Checks.

Combat: Guinea Pigs run, they don't fight.  If they're cornered or defending their kids they'll put on a show, but they aren't really great combatants.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 16, 2009, 09:16:33 AM
Dire Giraffe
                      Huge Animal
Hit Dice:             18d8+90 (171 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          17 (-2 Size, +9 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +13/+31
Attack:               Head Butt +21 melee (2d8+10)
Full Attack:          1 Head Butt +21 melee (2d8+10) and 2 Stamps +16 melee (2d6+5)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Trample (2d8+20), Increased Reach
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +16, Ref +11, Will +7
Abilities:            Str 30, Dex 10, Con 20, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +13, Spot +14
Feats:                Alertness, Awesome Blow, Brutal Strike, Endurance, Improved Bull Rush, Power Attack, Run
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary, or Herd (4-12)
Challenge Rating:    9
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          19-27 HD (Huge), 28-36 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert?"

"Yeah Abner?"

"What the ____ is that?"

"Who cares! It's seen us! Run!

The Gods alone know where Dire Giraffe's came from.  Some people think of them as proof of a Divine sense of the absurd.  Or that maybe the Creators drop acid when no one is looking.  It would certainly explain the existence of other things like Ethereal Filchers.

Trample (Ex): DC 26 Reflex Save for half damage.

Increased Reach (Ex): Due to the length of it's neck and limbs the Giraffe has a range of 15'.

Combat: Dire Giraffe's are more interested in mating or chewing grass than anything else, but on occasion they get ahold of some rotten fruit thats been fermenting into alcohol and decide the small people things would be fun to run over.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on April 17, 2009, 12:56:06 AM
Why is dire guinea pig postd twice? ???
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 17, 2009, 12:42:22 PM
I...do not know. I'll edit something else in there
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on April 18, 2009, 11:12:03 PM
well, I should be using some of these soon in a game, I'll let you know how they work.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: BowenSilverclaw on April 18, 2009, 11:14:16 PM
Looking forward to that, might use some of these critters myself as well eventually :)
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 19, 2009, 04:41:38 AM
Kewl!  :D

Thanks guys I always hope fro playtesting feedback.  Edited in a Dire Giraffe where the duplicate Dire Guinea pig post was.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on April 19, 2009, 04:46:47 AM
Kewl!  :D

Thanks guys I always hope for playtesting feedback.  Edited in a Dire Giraffe where the duplicate Dire Guinea pig post was.
:devil playtesting feedback on the velcro kittehs is upcoming....
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 19, 2009, 06:56:27 AM
Kewl!  :D

Thanks guys I always hope for playtesting feedback.  Edited in a Dire Giraffe where the duplicate Dire Guinea pig post was.
:devil playtesting feedback on the velcro kittehs is upcoming....
:sh  shhh, I havent posted those yet...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 22, 2009, 01:11:17 PM
Dire Pocket Gopher Swarm
                      Tiny Animal
Hit Dice:             12d8 (48 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), burrow 20 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (+2 Size, +2 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +9/-
Attack:               Swarm (3d6)
Full Attack:          Swarm (3d6)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Distraction
Special Qualities:    Swarm traits, Low Light Vision, Half damage from Slashing and Piercing weapons
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +10, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 6, Dex 15, Con 11, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 4
Skills:               Hide +4, Listen +11, Move Silently +4, Spot +10
Feats:                Ability Focus (Distraction), Alertness, Endurance, Stealthy
Environment:          Warm or Temperate Plains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     5?
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"These here is holes Bert."

"Yep."

"You know whut this means dontchew?"

"Yep."

"It means GOPHERS!"

"Yep."

"Gawd I hate Gophers..."

Gophers are normally solitary animals, but Dire Gophers like to swarm for reasons unknown to Druid's and other fauna experts.

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature vulnerable to a Swarm's damage that begins it's turn in the Swarm's area must make a DC 18 Fortitude Save or be Nauseated for 1 turn.  See page 316 of the MM.

Combat: Gopher swarms attack pretty much like any other swarm.  They're just fuzzier.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on April 23, 2009, 01:37:25 AM
Kewl!  :D

Thanks guys I always hope for playtesting feedback.  Edited in a Dire Giraffe where the duplicate Dire Guinea pig post was.
:devil playtesting feedback on the velcro kittehs is upcoming....
:sh  shhh, I havent posted those yet...

I don't even want to know...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 24, 2009, 10:58:08 AM
Dire Duck
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             3d8+3 (16 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                25 ft. (5 squares), Swim 30 ft., Fly 80 ft. (Average)
Armor Class:          13 (+1 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+2
Attack:               Bite +3 melee (1d6)
Full Attack:          Bite +3 melee (1d6)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Hold Breath
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 11, Dex 13, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +4, Spot +4, Swim +8
Feats:                Endurance, Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Any Warm or Temperate except Desert
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Flock (5-30)
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...Bert ah heers suthin' outside.."

"Would you calm down?  You always get nervous when we rob people."

"But this farm smells like duck poop.  And mah pappy allas said nevah to rob a farm whut smells like duck poop."

The origin of Dire Ducks is unknown.  In recent times some of them have been domesticated, and are raised as guard animals on farms.  They are surprisingly well suited to the role, being abnormally sassy given that they're, well, ducks.

Skills: Ducks gain a +8 Racial Bonus on Swim checks, and may always Take 10 on a Swim Check.  They may also use the Run action while swimming provided they swim in a straight line.

Combat: Ducks like to run at foes quacking and raising hell in an attempt to intimidate them (which usually doesn't work), and then proceed to bite before fleeing out of range of the opponent, and then going back in to bite again.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prime32 on April 24, 2009, 11:17:12 AM
When are you going to stat that dire vampire squid (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3PvvT_Ktx8&fmt=18)? :bigeye
(Not actually a vampire. The webbing between its tentacles looks like bat wings, and some specimens are black with glowing red eyes)
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 24, 2009, 12:35:16 PM
When are you going to stat that dire vampire squid (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3PvvT_Ktx8&fmt=18)? :bigeye
(Not actually a vampire. The webbing between its tentacles looks like bat wings, and some specimens are black with glowing red eyes)

It's a comin' soon.  They're unusual enough I want to read on them as much as I can before making the attempt.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prime32 on April 24, 2009, 02:14:39 PM
Well, a dire gulper eel should be easier...

(http://www.greenexpander.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/sea-creatures_mouth_gulper_eel.jpg) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saccopharyngiformes)
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on April 24, 2009, 06:49:48 PM
Well, a dire gulper eel should be easier...

(http://www.greenexpander.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/sea-creatures_mouth_gulper_eel.jpg) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saccopharyngiformes)

<whimper>...   :hide
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on April 24, 2009, 09:33:08 PM
Well, a dire gulper eel should be easier...

(http://www.greenexpander.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/sea-creatures_mouth_gulper_eel.jpg) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saccopharyngiformes)
Out of curiosity, how big are those IRL? 1-2 ft?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on April 24, 2009, 10:40:33 PM
Well, a dire gulper eel should be easier...

(http://www.greenexpander.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/sea-creatures_mouth_gulper_eel.jpg) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saccopharyngiformes)
Out of curiosity, how big are those IRL? 1-2 ft?
The one pictured lists at 30cm long.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on April 25, 2009, 12:02:59 AM
huh, so yeah, about a foot (sorry, I'm american, I know metric well enough to convert it mentally, but stick to Imperial out of momentum). why do I have a feeling that the Dire version will be Huge, at least?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prime32 on April 25, 2009, 01:50:26 PM
I'm not sure if those things even have teeth - they just swim around with their mouths open.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAgqcsg9g-E&fmt=18 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAgqcsg9g-E&fmt=18)
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 26, 2009, 11:27:14 AM
Dire Electric Eel
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             6d8+12 (39 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                Swim 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          13 (-1 Large, +4 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+10
Attack:               Bite +6 melee (1d8+2)
Full Attack:          Bite +6 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Shock
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Hold Breath, Blindsense
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +5, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 14, Dex 10, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 4
Skills:               Listen +9, Swim +10
Feats:                Ability Focus (Shock), Sudden Ability Focus (Shock)
Environment:          Warm Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Abner that is the biggest eel evah ah did see."

"Eel? What...OMG BERT DON"T TOUCH THAT.."

KAPOW

"Bert? Bert you okay?  Man, explainin' ta yer wife how yer hair got like that is gonna be tuff..."

Shock (Ex): At will as a Standard Action the Electric Eel can unleash a powerful electrical pulse doing 6d6 electricity damage in a 30' Radius with itself in the center.  Opponents within this area must make a DC 15 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based) or be Stunned 1d4 rounds. It is immune to it's own electrical barrage, but not that of other eels, or electrical attacks.

Blindsense (Ex): At will as a Swift Action the Electric Eel can let out a weak pulse of electricity, giving it Blindsense 60' for the round as long as it's underwater.

Skills: Dire Electric Eels have a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim checks.  Dire Electric Eels may always take 10 on Swim checks, and may use the Run Action while swimming in a straight line.

Combat: Dire Electric Eels use their Shock attack as often as possible.  if opponents seem resistant it will try to flee.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 26, 2009, 11:54:09 AM
                      Dire Vampire Squid
                      Medium Animal (Aquatic)
Hit Dice:             4d8 (18 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                Swim 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (+1 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+7
Attack:               Grab +7 (Grapple)
Full Attack:          Grab +7 (Grapple)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Disorienting Display, Improved Grab, Beak
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Immunities, Hide in Plain Sight, Mucus Burst, Blindsense, Burst of Speed, Limb Regeneration, Amorphous Body
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 12, Con 11, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills:               Escape Artist +10, Hide +10, Spot +6, Swim +8
Feats:                Ability Focus (Disorienting Display),
Environment:          Warm or Temperate Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"We got hired to find Vampire Squid?  Ah don't like this Abner.  Ah don't like this at all."

"Relax.  It's not a Vampire they just call it that."

"So it's some freaky bloodsucker?"

"Um..no.  No it doesn't suck blood.

"Is it dead?"

"Um...well...no.  No it's alive.  Ah think."

"Well then why the hell is it called a Vampire?"

"Look ah just agree to kill tha stuff for money, someone else works out the details."

"Abner?"

"Sigh...yes Bert?".

Ah cain't swim."

Dire Vampire Squid are larger, possibly more primitive versions of their deep sea cousins.

Disorienting Display (Ex): The Vampire Squid can put on a disorienting light show as a Standard Action.  Opponents within 30' that can see it must make a DC 14 Willpower Save (Save DC is Constitution Based) or be Fascinated for 1d6 rounds.  If the opponent rolls a natural "1" on it's Saving Throw or has an Intelligence of 3 or less, it becomes Frightened instead.

Improved Grab (Ex): The Vampire Squid may attempt a Grapple check without provoking an attack of opportunity against any creature it's size class or smaller.  If successful it uses it's beak to cut into it's prey as long as it can maintain the hold.

Beak (Ex): The Dire Vampire Squid does 2d6 damage with a successful Grapple Check.

Immunities (Ex): Dire Vampire Squid are immune to the pressures of deep sea waters, and can breathe normally in water that has so little oxygen content that other gilled animals would die in it.  The Dire Vampire Squid gains a +4 Racial Bonus on all Fortitude Saves to avoid starvation.

Hide in Plain Sight (Ex): At the upper end of the waters inhabited by Dire Squid creatures swimming in the waters above can be seen as dimly moving shadows in the blue light.  The Vampire Squid can swim at the top edge of this zone and cause it's underside to glow, matching the light above and concealing it from other predators like itself below.  In this small instance the Dire Vampire Squid has the Camouflage and Hide in Plain Sight abilities listed in page 48 of the PHB.

Mucous Burst (Ex): Once per Minute as a Free Action the Dire Vampire Squid can emit a 10'x10'x10' cloud of phosphorescent mucous.  This cloud provides total concealment, which the squid uses to escape a losing fight.  Due to it's brightly luminous nature it affects creatures with Light Sensitivity as though they had been exposed to bright light.

Blindsense (Ex): While it is in the water the Vampire Squid has the equivalent of Blindsight 30'.

Burst of Speed (Ex): The Dire Vampire Squid can temporarily increase it's Swim speed to 50', but it only lasts for 3 rounds plus 1 round per point of Constitution Modifier, after which the DVS is Fatigued until it can rest for an hour.  The DVS cannot use this ability while it is Fatigued or Exhausted.

Limb Regeneration (Ex): If the Vampire Squid loses a limb it may regenerate it within 1d4 weeks.

Amorphous Body (Ex): The Vampire Squids body is amazingly elastic, and almost jelly like.  It can squeeze through spaces as though it were 2 Size Classes Smaller than it is.

Skills: Dire Vampire Squid have a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim Checks, and can Always Take 10 on a Swim Check.  They also have a +8 Racial Bonus to Escape Artist and Hide Checks.  Due to it's multiple limbs the Dire Vampire Squid also gains a +4 Racial Bonus to Grapple Checks.

Combat: The Dire Vampire Squid usually opens up with it's Disorienting Display before going for the grapple.  If it's beak can't subdue the opponent it sprays it with mucous before fleeing.


Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 27, 2009, 01:21:25 PM
So...any thoughts on teh Vampire Squid so far??
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prime32 on April 27, 2009, 01:46:06 PM
So...any thoughts on teh Vampire Squid so far??
It's not just called the vampire squid. Its Latin name is the vampire squid from hell. You know, just to confuse those hunters some more. :p

You've said Blindsight and Blindsense.

What about an ability which lets it appear Huge (with glowy "eyes") in shadowy illumination?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 29, 2009, 01:54:41 PM
Okay here's a weird question which I haven't found an answer for anywhere:

Can Squid hear??  My gut answer is no, but I can't find anything that says one way or the other.  They can sense vibrations, but I'm not sure thats the same thing as true hearing.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on April 29, 2009, 02:01:13 PM
Quote
Okay here's a weird question which I haven't found an answer for anywhere:

Can Squid hear??  My gut answer is no, but I can't find anything that says one way or the other.  They can sense vibrations, but I'm not sure thats the same thing as true hearing.

Technically, no. (http://www.tonmo.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-73.html)
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on April 30, 2009, 01:54:11 PM
Okay I think I have all the abilities up, can anyone think of anything I missed?  I haven't given it a bonus to grapple checks yet, because it's described as being weakly muscled, and its tentacles don't have many suckers on them.  It also sounds somewhat fragile, so I'm debating about what kind of AC Bonus it should get.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on April 30, 2009, 02:10:17 PM
This is just a gut reaction from having fished a good bit, but letting these things get DR/Slashing or Piercing seems reasonable.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on April 30, 2009, 08:27:41 PM
are Abner and Bert going to get statted up? that might be worth seeing... and throwing into a campaign...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 01, 2009, 10:41:31 AM
are Abner and Bert going to get statted up? that might be worth seeing... and throwing into a campaign...

I'd have to make a redneck PrC...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: InnaBinder on May 01, 2009, 01:55:37 PM
are Abner and Bert going to get statted up? that might be worth seeing... and throwing into a campaign...

I'd have to make a redneck PrC...
Well, tarnation.  It tain't like them rednecks is hard or nothin.... *IB goes off to cook up some possum stew*
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 03, 2009, 01:53:44 PM
This is just a gut reaction from having fished a good bit, but letting these things get DR/Slashing or Piercing seems reasonable.

They're described as being almost jelly like and fragile though.

It should be all done now except for possible alterations, and a CR>
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 05, 2009, 12:56:37 PM
Think CR 2 is okay for the Squid?

How big would you like the Gulper Eel?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on May 06, 2009, 09:17:12 PM
I'd say huge or larger would be good for the gulper eel, that way it can easily swallow most adventurers
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prime32 on May 06, 2009, 09:20:02 PM
I'd say huge or larger would be good for the gulper eel, that way it can easily swallow most adventurers
There are reports of those things swallowing creatures larger than themselves and having their stomachs explode.

...so, Gape of the Serpent as a bonus feat? :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on May 07, 2009, 02:52:06 AM
I'd say huge or larger would be good for the gulper eel, that way it can easily swallow most adventurers
There are reports of those things swallowing creatures larger than themselves and having their stomachs explode.

...so, Gape of the Serpent as a bonus feat? :D

Absolutely!

(Finally! something I know about!)
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 07, 2009, 12:59:27 PM
Dire Kitty
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             3d8+6 (19 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+5
Attack:               Claw +5 melee (1d4+3)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +5 melee (1d4+3) and 1 Bite +0 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Rake
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +6, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 16, Dex 16, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills:               Balance +11, Climb +11, Hide +8, Jump +11, Listen +5, Move Silently +8, Spot +5
Feats:                Alertness, Run
Environment:          Temperate Plains
Organization:         Domesticated or Solitary
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          4-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Are you sure we should be robbin' an old woman Abner?  She might have cats.  I hate cats.  They always yowl and scratch me."

"Don't be such a wuss Bert."

"Hisssssssssssssssssssssssss..."

"I'm sorry Abner I couldn't hear you over the sound of me shittin' mah self.  Could you repeat that?"


No one is sure if Dire Housecats occurred naturally, or they were the result of specialized breeding, or magic.  But they make darned excellent watchcats.  Now they may cause a little property damage if someone enters your house, but at least the burglars will get what they have coming.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Dire Kitty hits with it's Claw Attack, it can make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity. If successful it can Rake.

Rake (Ex): In Grapples the Dire Kitty has two additional Rake attacks (to hit and damage are same as claw attack).

Skills (Ex): Dire Kitties get a +4 Racial Bonus to all Climb, Hide, and Move Silently Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Climb Check.  In addition they may use their Dexterity modifier or Strength modifier for Climb checks, whichever is better.  They also have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance and Jump Checks.

Combat: Dire Kitties fight in a manner common to regular housecats.  They hiss until their opponent leaves.  If that fails it's the usual pounce, grab, rakerakerakerake...

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 07, 2009, 01:09:35 PM
http://www.seasky.org/deep-sea/gulper-eel.html (http://www.seasky.org/deep-sea/gulper-eel.html)

                      Dire Gulper Eel
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             6d8+6 (33 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                Swim 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          13 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+11
Attack:               Bite +6 melee (1d6+3)
Full Attack:          Bite +6 melee (1d6+3)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Swallow Whole
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Blindsense
Saves:                Fort +6, Ref +6, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 16, Dex 12, Con 13, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills:               Hide +6, Move Silently +8
Feats:                Improved Initiative, Skill Focus: Hide, Stealthy
Environment:          Any Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...I don't like bein' on subs Bert.  I can see things.  Outside the window.  Horrible things that stare at me."

"I think you've been reading too many of those horror novels again."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

"WHAT! What's going on? What's happening?"

"A big fish just ate a bigger fish!

"Yer killin' me Abner..."

"Aw crap it's lookin' at us!"


Dire Gulper Eels are remarkably stealthy predators for their size.

Swallow Whole (Ex): The Dire Gulper Eel may swallow opponents in one of two ways.  First, if it succeeds in biting an opponent up to 1 Size Class larger than itself, it may make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful, it may Swallow it's opponent the next round. 

It may also make a charge attack with it's mouth open, and attempt to swallow any opponent in the way so long as those opponents are at least 2 Size Classes smaller than itself.  A Dire Gulpers stomach can hold up to 1 Huge, 1 Large, 4 Medium, 16 Small, or 32 Tiny or Smaller opponents.  While inside the stomach opponents take 1d6+3 bludgeoning damage, and 1d6 acid damage per round.  A swallowed opponent can cut it's way out by doing 15 points of damage to the Eel's stomach (AC 12) with a light piercing or slashing weapon.  Once the creature exits, muscular action closes the hole, and other swallowed opponents must cut their own way out.

Skills: Dire Gulper Eels have a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim Checks, and may always Take 10 on Swim Checks.  They may also use the Run action while swimming in a straight line.

Combat: Dire Gulper Eels use a light i ntheir tails to lure in unintelligent prey.  For other, more problematic food they just swim at it with their mouths open and hope to swallow it.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prime32 on May 07, 2009, 02:52:38 PM
Needs the ability to swallow things just by moving through their space (or a full-round action which allows it to move and swallow anything in its path). There's a terrestrial version in one of the MMs.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 09, 2009, 12:11:34 PM
I'm at a loss as to what to use for skills.  Listen and Spot are generally the default for animals, but the GUlper Eel has little in the way of vision, and it's doubtful it has any hearing.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on May 09, 2009, 08:32:13 PM
Hide, when it comes out, I think Sneak Attack.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 10, 2009, 10:23:18 AM
It doesnt need hide though.  At that depth you cant really see anything unless its bioluminescent.  Somehow it's a creature that doesn't appear to have skills as DnD portrays them.  Except swim.  I added the text for Swallow Whole, lemme know if you think it works.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on May 10, 2009, 12:09:05 PM
It doesnt need hide though.  At that depth you cant really see anything unless its bioluminescent.  Somehow it's a creature that doesn't appear to have skills as DnD portrays them.  Except swim.  I added the text for Swallow Whole, lemme know if you think it works.
Move Silently then.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 12, 2009, 01:20:46 PM
Dire Vole
                      Tiny Animal
Hit Dice:             1d8+1 (5 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), burrow 15 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+2 Size, +2 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-9
Attack:               Nibble +2 melee (1d2-1)
Full Attack:          Nibble +2 melee (1d2-1)
Space/Reach:          2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 15, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 4
Skills:               Hide +14, Listen +3, Move Silently +6, Search +4, Spot +3
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm or Temperate Plains, Marsh, Hills, Forest, or Mountains   
Organization:      Solitary, Pair, or Colony (6-20)
Challenge Rating:     1/4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          2 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert, whut the hell are you doin' up that tree?"

"Thars things in thet thar field Abner! Furry things! They kept lookin' at me and squeakin'!"

"They're rats you fool."

"NO! No thays too big!"

"Dire Rats then."

"They don't have huge nekkid tails! They're some weird mouse critter! Git in tha trees, they can't climb!"

"Bert...are you drunk?"

"..."

"Maybe..."

Voles (also known as Meadow Mice) are pests that inhabit fields.  The Dire versions are somewhat worse being that they're cat sized and tend to be hungrier.

Skills: Dire Voles have a +4 Racial Bonus on Hide and Move Silently Checks, and a +8 Racial Bonus on Search Checks.

Combat: Dire Voles tend to flee combat, unless cornered, or their pups are threatened.  Then they swarm.


Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 13, 2009, 12:52:24 PM
Giant Urchin
                      Medium Vermin (Aquatic)
Hit Dice:             3d8+9 (22 hp)
Initiative:           -2
Speed:                10 ft. (2 squares), Climb 10 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (-2 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+4
Attack:               Spine Jab +4 melee (1d6+2 plus poison)
Full Attack:          Spine Jab +4 melee (1d6+2 plus poison)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spiny Defense, Poison
Special Qualities:    Vermin traits, 360 degree sight, Immunities, Mindless, Recuperate
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref -1, Will +0
Abilities:            Str 14, Dex 6, Con 16, Int -, Wis 10, Cha 2
Skills:               -
Feats:                -
Environment:          Any Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary or Colony (5-10)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          4-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Bert?  Let me make sure Ah got this straight.  We're diving into the water nekkid, attacking a poisonous spiny ball, and if we survive we have to haul the damn thing up to the surface and repeat.  All while avoidin' bein' eaten by sharks."

"Yup."

"Howcum we never get normal assignments like beating a buncha Kobolds to death?"

"Have you forgotten the M.A.D.D. lawsuit?"

Apparently even Sea Urchins have Dire forms.  Often harvested as food and for other purposes, divers who confront them have definite problems killing them and bringing them to the surface.  After all they're basically a 200 pound ball of poison spikes.  And when cut up they become new Sea Urchins eventually, making them a plague on some communities.  Even worse Sea Urchins appear to be effectively immune to disease, and don't really age.  So they're effectively immortal unless killed. Unfortunately they are also quite hyperactive compared to their smaller cousins.

Spiny Defense (Ex): Being covered in spikes, Sea Urchins are difficult to attack.  Anything attacking the Urchin in melee without using a Reach weapon takes 1d6 plus it's own Strength Modifier in piercing damage, and is possibly poisoned.

Poison (Ex): Injury or Ingestion, Fort Save DC 14, Initial and Secondary damage is 1d6 Dexterity. 

360 Degree Sight (Ex): Sea Urchins can only really detect variations in light and dark as opposed to actual images.  Nevertheless they can see in pretty much all directions and thus cannot be flanked.  Due to their poor vision they are invulnerable to all attacks/effects requiring them to be able to see.

Immunities (Ex): Sea Urchins are immune to aging effects, disease, flanking, and critical hits.

Recuperate (Ex): A Sea Urchin Regenerates 1 hit point per hour, and can regenerate any significant amount of lost bodily material.  If a significant chunk of it's body is cut away (at least 20%), the piece will heal 1 hit point per hour until it becomes an entirely new Sea Urchin.

Combat: Sea Urchins generally jab opponents and let their venom do the rest of the work.  Once they finally succumb to it the Urchin brings it's grinding mouthplates to bear and devours them.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on May 15, 2009, 01:55:36 AM
What.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 15, 2009, 12:10:33 PM
What.

if you are referring to the M.A.D.D. lawsuit/kobold joke, peek in my PrC thread :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on May 16, 2009, 12:08:40 AM
Not the M.A.D.D., the fact that it's a frickin SEA URCHIN.  :o
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: PhaedrusXY on May 16, 2009, 12:15:18 AM
I think you should call that Slow Regeneration ability Not So Fast Healing, instead, to avoid confusion with the standard Regeneration ability (with the subdual damage, and all that).
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 16, 2009, 01:32:07 AM
Not the M.A.D.D., the fact that it's a frickin SEA URCHIN.  :o

I had a request :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 16, 2009, 01:34:03 AM
I think you should call that Slow Regeneration ability Not So Fast Healing, instead, to avoid confusion with the standard Regeneration ability (with the subdual damage, and all that).

Hmm..

True.  I picked regeneration because Sea Urchins seem to be able to recover from virtually any injury, and appear immune to disease.  Unless they are purposefully killed (take them out of the water and mash them maybe?), the damn things just won't die. 
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 20, 2009, 12:02:54 PM
Dire Whitetail Deer
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             6d8+18 (45 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+12
Attack:               Hoof +7 melee (1d6+4) or Gore* +7 melee (1d10+6)
Full Attack:          2 Hooves +7 melee (1d6+4) or Gore* +7 melee (1d10+6)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Overrun
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Multiple Stomachs
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +6, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 18, Dex 13, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +6, Spot +5
Feats:                 Endurance, Run, Improved Bull Rush (B)
Environment:          Warm or Temperate Forests or Plains
Organization:         Solitary or Herd (10-30)
Challenge Rating:    2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     --

*Gore can only be performed by males who have antlers.

"Hot Damn!! We git to go deer huntin'!"

"And we're even gettin' paid for it!"

10 minutes later

"Abner...somethin' seem...odd 'bout these deer to you?"

Dire Whitetail deer are a scourge well known for devouring grass that farmers need for their herds (and sometimes  their crops as well depending on what they're growing).  Many an adventurer has earned money (and a nice relaxing vacation) hunting deer.  Many of these adventurers are also coincidentally redneck Barbarians and Rangers, but still...

Overrun (Ex): If the Dire Whitetail Deer performs an Overrun as part of a charge, it does not provoke an attack of opportunity, and also does 1d8+6 damage  to it's opponent if successful.

Multiple Stomachs (Ex) Dire Whitetail Deer get a +4 Racial Bonus on Fortitude Saves vs Ingested poisons.

Combat: Deer will only fight if necessary or spooked.  usually they run over their opponent while fleeing.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 22, 2009, 12:56:48 PM

Dire Muntjac Deer
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             3d8+3 (16 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (+3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+12
Attack:               Bite +5 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack:          Bite +5 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Multiple Stomachs
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 16, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills:               Listen +4, Spot +4
Feats:                Run, Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm Forests or Plains
Organization:         Solitary or Group (2-4)
Challenge Rating:    1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          4-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     --

"This guy says his deer are more normal size like."

"I dunno Abner.  I kinda liked the biggie sized ones.

"Uh...Bert...these deer have teeth."

"All deer have teeth Abner."

"Yeah but these got fangs! OMG they're like lil sharks of the forest!"

Muntjac are normally small asian deer with downward pointing fangs.  Dire Muntjac are a little bigger, and a little more eager to nibble on strangers if ya know what I mean...

Multiple Stomachs (Ex): Dire Muntjac Deer get a +4 Racial Bonus on Fortitude Saves vs Ingested poisons.

Combat:  Muntjac deer tend to nibble experimentally and run away.  Then come back when you're sleeping and nibble harder.  And run away.  Again.  We should probably stop before we're tempted to use profanity...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 23, 2009, 11:48:07 AM
Dire Ostrich
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             6d8+24 (51 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                80 ft. (16 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+15
Attack:               Kick +10 melee (1d8+7)
Full Attack:          Kick +10 melee (1d8+7)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +9, Ref +6, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 12, Con 18, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills:                Listen +9, Spot +10
Feats:                Endurance, Power Attack, Run
Environment:          Warm Plains or Desert
Organization:         Solitary, Pair or Herd (5-50)
Challenge Rating:    2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Maaaan, ah liked the deer huntin'.  Howcum we gotta be out here huntin' birds?"

"Ah never liked me no birds.  Nossir."

"Just ain't no sport in it"

"WAAAAAK"

"Abner...thet ain't no pigeon..."


Dire Ostriches are occasionally farmed for food.  Mostly they're avoided as too dangerous though.  One kick does a serious amount of damage.

Hardy (Ex): Ostriches have a +2 Racial bonus on Fortitude checks to avoid dehydration, or to avoid ill effects from exposure to the elements.

Skills: Ostriches gain a +8 Racial Bonus to Hide checks when lying still in the tall grasses of their native savannah habitat.  They also have a +4 Racial Bonus to Listen and Spot checks.

Combat: Ostriches usually kick their opponents till they stop moving, or flee if they seem too troublesome.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 23, 2009, 12:00:39 PM
Okapi
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             5d8+15 (37 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +5/+16
Attack:               Hoof +11 melee (1d8+7)
Full Attack:         2 Hooves +11 melee (1d8+7)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Overrun
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 12, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 6
Skills:               Listen +5, Spot +5
Feats:               Endurance, Run, Improved Overrun (B)
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Okay...seriously Abner what is this thing?"

Overrun (Ex): When successfully performing an Overrun you also do 1d8+7 damage to the opponent.

Skills: Okapi have a +6 Racial Bonus to Hide checks in Jungle settings.

Combat: Okapis are shy, and usually hit attackers a round or two with hooves before fleeing (sometimes fleeing through the attackers).


                      Dire Okapi
                      Huge Animal
Hit Dice:             12d8+72 (126 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (-2 Size, +10 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +9/+28
Attack:               Hoof +18 melee (2d6+11)
Full Attack:          2 Hooves +18 melee (2d6+11)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Trample (2d8+16)
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +14, Ref +8, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 32, Dex 10, Con 22, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 8
Skills:               Listen +9, Spot +8
Feats:               Endurance, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Overrun, Power Attack, Run
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     6
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Crap it has an uncle..."

Dire Okapi are shy forest dwellers who apparently like stomping on anything that spooks them.

Trample (Ex): DC 27 Reflex Save for half damage.

Skills: Okapi have a +6 Racial Bonus to Hide checks in Jungle settings.

Trample (Ex): DC 27 Reflex Save for half damage (Save DC is Strength based).

Combat: Dire Okapis are a little tougher mentally than their regular brethren, and willingly stand toe to toe with opponents, usually trying to trample them.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 24, 2009, 10:35:33 AM
Dire Rhea
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             3d8+3 (16 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (+2 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+5
Attack:               Kick +5 melee (1d6+3)
Full Attack:          Kick +5 melee (1d6+3)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 16, Dex 15, Con 13, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 6
Skills:               Listen +4, Spot +4
Feats:                Endurance, Run
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Flock (10-100)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          4-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"More birds? Dammit Abner I thought we wuz done with birds after the last fiasco."

"They said these birds wuz smaller."

"The last birds were almost elephant size dammit!"

"You hear a rumblin' sound like a herd of cattle or somethin'?"

Dire Rheas are smaller than Dire Ostriches, but no less dangerous.  Especially during the breeding season when they form flocks...

Combat: Rheas fight similar to Ostriches.  Kick and run.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 28, 2009, 01:09:51 PM
Dire Swan
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             3d8+6 (19 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft., Fly 80 ft. (Average)
Armor Class:          15 (+2 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+4
Attack:               Bite +4 melee (1d6+2)
Full Attack:          Bite +4 melee (1d6+2)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Hold Breath
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 14, Dex 13, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills:               Listen +4, Spot +4, Swim +10
Feats:                Alertness, Endurance
Environment:          Any Temperate
Organization:         Domesticated, Solitary, Pair, or Flock
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          4-6 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"So what's this weeks assignment Abner?"

"S'nother bird"

"Oh Jesus Christ..."

Dire Swans are raised as living ornaments, and sometimes as guard animals.  They are surprisingly mean tempered after all, and make decent guard animals as they're quite loud when surprised or angered.

Hold Breath (Ex): Dire Swans may hold their breath for (4 times Constitution modifier) before it risks drowning.

Skills: Dire Swans have a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim Checks, and may always take 10 on a Swim check.

Combat: Swans tend to charge forward and start biting.  They're loud, and very much not subtle.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 30, 2009, 10:10:42 AM
Dire Ibis
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             4d8+8 (26 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Fly 80 ft. (Average)
Armor Class:          14 (+1 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+5
Attack:               Bite +5 melee (1d6+2)
Full Attack:          Bite +5 melee (1d6+2)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Hold Breath
Saves:                Fort +6, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 14, Dex 13, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills:               Listen +6, Spot +7, Swim +10
Feats:                Alertness, improved Initiative
Environment:          Warm Marsh or Forest
Organization:          Solitary, Pair, or Colony (5-30)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          5-6 HD (Medium), 7-8 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Swamps.  Ah hate swamps."

"Calm down Abner."

"Ain't nuthin' good comes out of swamps..."

"We've done worse..."

"Ah was sued fer sexshul harassment by thet Medusa last time we went into a swamp..."

Ibis are wading birds that are normally harmless to people, but Dire Ibis flocks can wipe out fish supplies if left unchecked.

Hold Breath (Ex): Dire Ibis may hold their breath for (4 times Constitution modifier) before it risks drowning.

Skills: Dire Ibis gain a +8 Racial Bonus to all Swim Checks.

Combat: Ibis normally peck at opponents, and retreat if they are troublesome.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on May 31, 2009, 12:34:22 PM
Dire Pelican
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             5d8+15 (28 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft., Fly 90 ft. (Average)
Armor Class:          13 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+10
Attack:               Bite +5 melee (1d8+3)
Full Attack:          Bite +5 melee (1d8+3)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Snatch, Swallow Whole
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 16, Dex 13, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 4
Skills:               Listen +5, Spot +5, Swim +11
Feats:                Flyby Attack, Hover
Environment:          Any Warm or Temperate
Organization:         Solitary or Creche (20-100)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          6-10 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Hold still Bert."

"It hzz ma hed in it's mouf."

"Ah got a fish.  Th' man down to tha pier said they lahk fish.   Heeeere birdie birdie birdie..."

Dire Pelicans are evil fish eating monsters.  Or at least that's what the fishermen say.  Of course fishermen tend to drink a lot...

Snatch (Ex): The Dire Pelican can use the Snatch Feat despite not qualifying for it on opponents up to 2 Size Classes Smaller than itself.

Swallow Whole (Ex): A Dire Pelican can Swallow Whole any opponent it has grabbed if it is up to two size classes smaller than itself.  The swallowed opponent takes 1d6+3 bludgeoning damage and 3 points of acid damage per round it is inside the Pelicans stomach.  The victim may cut it's way out with a light slashing or piercing weapon by doing 15 points of damage to it (AC 11).  Once the victim exits muscular action closes the hole, and other swallowed victims must cut their own way out.  The Dire Pelicans stomach can hold 1 Small, 4 Tiny, or 16 Diminutive or smaller opponents.

Skills: Dire Pelicans gain a +8 Racial Bonus on all Swim Checks.

Combat:  Dire Pelicans are pretty brave if their opponent is smaller than them.  And composed of some sort of fishlike substance.  But occasionally they go mean and attack bigger prey.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 02, 2009, 11:25:24 AM
Hairbeasts
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             5d8+10 (32 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+11
Attack:               Yorp! +7 melee touch (grapple)
Full Attack:          Yorp! +7 melee touch (grapple)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Yorp!
Special Qualities:    Blind, Blindsight 60', Damage Reduction 10/Slashing
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +3, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 18, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 12
Skills:               Listen +10
Feats:                Endurance, Run
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          6-10 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert ah know we wanted somethin' differnt this time out...but this is just weird..."

"Relax Abner.  Ah brought mah cuzin Joe Bob along to get his feet wet helpin' out.  He's one'a them psychic types."

"FIRE!!"

"Beg pardon?'

"FIRE IS THE ANSWER TO ALL OF LIFES PROBLEMS!!"

"Abner...I'm not exactly reassured by his...enthusiasm..."

Hairbeasts (also known as Dire Hairs) are strange critters that seem to be composed entirely of hair.  What they eat, how they reproduce, and how they came to be is virtually unknown.  They are trainable as mounts, but their handlers don't seem very keen to give up their secrets as to how to train them, or what they might know of their origin.  Hairbeasts apparently understand commands in Common, but cannot speak.  They have been known to howl, bark, purr, or growl though.

Yorp! (Ex): If the Hairbeast makes a successful touch attack it is considered to be grappling it's opponent.  It's hairs work their way into it's opponents eyes and facial orifices during grapples, and each round the grapple is maintained the opponent must make a DC 14 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based) or be Blinded and Sickened for as long as the Grapple continues and for 1d3 rounds thereafter (he also cannot speak for the duration of the grapple and 1 round thereafter).  The Hairbeast does 1d4 damage with a successful grapple as well.  Hairbeasts may use their Yorp! attack as part of a charge.

Blind (Ex): Hairbeasts are blind, and are effectively immune to any attack or effect that requires them to be able to see.

Combat: Hairbeasts charge into the grapple, and begin wrasslin'.  Sometimes they get bored and take off, but generally you better escape the hold and run.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 05, 2009, 12:16:52 PM
 Dire Komodo Dragon
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             6d8+24 (51 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          17 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +7 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+14
Attack:               Bite +9 melee (2d6+6 plus poison) or Tail Slap +9 melee (2d6+6 plus trip)
Full Attack:          Bite +9 melee (2d6+6 plus poison) or Tail Slap +9 melee (2d6+6 plus trip)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Poison, Tail Sweep
Special Qualities:    Enhanced Scent, Running Spurt, Low Metabolism
Saves:                Fort +9, Ref +6, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 23, Dex 12, Con 18, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills:               Hide +1, Listen +1, Move Silently +6, Spot +1
Feats:                Ability Focus (Poison), improved Initiative, Run
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Cluster (3-6)
Challenge Rating:    3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---
 
"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRDSSSSSSSS!"

Dire Komodos are larger, meaner versions of their regular cousins.

Poison (Ex): Injury, DC 19 Fort Save, Initial Damage is 1d4 Strength and opponent continues to lose 1 hp per round until the victim takes 1 hp of magical healing or a DC 15 heal Check is made due to continual blood loss.  Secondary damage is 2d4 Strength.

Tail Sweep (Ex): If the Dire Komodo successfully hits with it's Tail Slap, it may immediately make a Trip Attempt as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If it fails it's opponent does not get a Trip attack in return.

Enhanced Scent (Ex): This works like the regular Scent ability, except that it can smell blood/carrion up to 2 miles away.

Running Spurt (Ex): The Komodo can increase it's base land speed by +30 feet for 1 round per point of Constitution modifier.  Once used it must rest for 1 hour before it can use the Running Spurt again.

Low Metabolism (Ex): Dire Komodos can go up to a month without food before needing to make Fortitude checks against starvation.

Combat: Komodos usually attack by ambush, and then let the prey run, confident it will bleed out, and that it's Improved Scent will let it track the animal to it's location of demise.  Stubborn foes are bitten relentlessly.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on June 06, 2009, 05:21:57 AM
er, I think your dire komodo dragons area a bit small... given that Komodo dragons are, I think, large size...

edit: Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Komodo_dragon) corroborates. 2-3 meters in length...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 06, 2009, 07:47:46 AM
Lengthwise they are in the large range, but a lot of thats tail, and their weight doesn't even approach the bottom end of the large range.  So I went with medium.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 07, 2009, 09:03:06 AM
Giant Banana Slug
                      Small Vermin
Hit Dice:             2d8+2 (11 hp)
Initiative:           -2
Speed:                15 ft. (3 squares)
Armor Class:          11 (+1 Size, -2 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/-3
Attack:               Wrap +1 melee touch (grapple)
Full Attack:          Wrap +1 melee touch (grapple)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Radula, Slime, Wrap
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Estivation, Weaknesses, Scent
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref -2, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 7, Con 12, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills:               -
Feats:                -
Environment:         Warm or Temperate Forest or Mountains
Organization:         Solitary or Pair
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"So let me get this straight.  We're climbin' 50 feet up thet tree, grabbin' slime critters hangin' from the thing, and wrasslin' them into a bag."

"Ayuh,"

"Screw that.  JOE BOB! Joe Bob, burn thet tree down.  We'll bag them critters when they fall off."

"FIRE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Yeeeaaah...yeah I'm gonna go on record again and say there's soemthin' wrong with thet boy..."

These larger versions of the bright yellow molluscs will scavenge and eat just about anything.  Usually little danger to adventurers, they're are most dangerous when they creep up on people in their sleep or drop on them from the tree they were setting in.  And they just skeeve people out really.

Wrap (Ex): If the Banana Slug successfully makes a touch attack it is considered to be grappling it's victim.

Slime (Ex):  Banana Slugs are covered in slime whose consistency they can alter to make sticky or slippery.  While sticky the Slug gains a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb and Grapple Checks.  While slippery it gains a +8 Racial Bonus to Escape Artist and a +2 Deflection Bonus to Armor Class.  Switching between the two states is a Swift Action.

Radula (Ex): When grappling a slug brings it's boring radula to bear, doing 1d6 damage per round.  If it's opponent rolls a natural one on the opposed Grapple Check it also does 1 point of temporary Constitution damage.

Estivation (Ex): During the dry seasons the Banana Slug can hibernate, entering a stat of suspended animation.  It takes a Full Round Action to enter or leave hibernation.  While the Slug is in estivation it does not require food or water for at least 5 months, and gains a +2 Racial Bonus on all Fortitude Saves against Starvation or Dehydration afterwards.

Weaknesses (Ex): Slugs are exceptionally vulnerable to dehydration.  They take a -4 Racial Penalty on any spell or effect that causes deydration or water loss.  Throwing a 1/2 pound vial of salt on them does 1d6 damage per round until they wash it off.

Combat: Slugs tend to grab hold and proceed to nibblin'.  Lets face it they're slugs, they aren't tactical geniuses. 

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 07, 2009, 09:06:24 AM
Kirby
                      Small Aberration
Hit Dice:             1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Climb 20 ft., Fly 20 ft. (Clumsy)
Armor Class:          12 (+1 Size, +1 Dex), touch 12, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-5
Attack:               By weapon +1 melee
Full Attack:          By weapon +1 melee
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Inhale, Copy Abilities, Spit, Air Blast
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Inflated Flight, Invisible Hands
Saves:                Fort +0, Ref +1, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 12, Con 10, Int 8, Wis 10, Cha 12
Skills:               Balance +2, Climb +7, Jump +7, Swim +7, Tumble +3
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     1/2
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Chaotic Good
Advancement:          by Character Class
Level Adjustment:     +2


Abner...whut the hell is this thing?  And why is it smiling?"

Kirby's are a strange race of round, pastel colored beings who are surprisingly good warriors despite their appearance.  Favored Class is Fighter, Ranger, Scout, Warblade, or Swordsage.

Inhale (Su): As a Full Round Action a Kirby can inhale (Swallow Whole) any creature it's own Size Class or smaller within 10'.  The opponent must make a DC 12 Reflex Save (Save DC is Constitution Based with a +2 Racial Bonus), or be swallowed whole.  No harm can be done to it while it is swallowed unless the Kirby is killed (and the Kirby then promptly spits it out), and it cannot harm the Kirby.  While a Kirby has swallowed a creature it cannot use it's Air Blast or Inflated Flight abilities.

Copy Abilities (Su): When a Kirby has swallowed a creature it may use any one Ex or Su ability the creature has, but the Saving Throw and Caster Level are based upon the Kirby's Hit Dice and stats, not the opponents.

Spit (Su): A Kirby may spit a swallowed opponent as a Standard Action.  Spat opponents are Ranged Attacks with no Range increment, and a Range of 10'.  Damage depends on Size: Small=1d6, Tiny= 1d3, Diminutive or Smaller=1 point. Spat opponents also take the same amount of damage.

Air Blast (Su): As a Standard Action a Kirby can inhale , and then exhale a powerful blast of air.  This is a ranged attack with a Range Increment of 10 feet that does 2d6 bludgeoning damage. 

Inflated Flight (Ex):  As a Standard Action a Kirby may inhale enough air to become buoyant.  He may then fly by flapping his arms.  He may not use his Inhale, Spit, or Air Blast powers while flying.

Invisible Hands (Ex): Despite having no visible hands or fingers this does not seem to hinder Kirby's in any way, and  they can perform as though they had them.

Skills: Kirby's have a +8 Racial Bonus to all Climb, Jump, and Swim Checks.  They may always take 10 on a Climb Check. Kirby's are proficient with all Simple and Martial weapons and with all Shields except Tower Shields.

Combat: Kirby's prefer to fight with weapons as normal, reserving their Inhale/Spit attacks for troublesome foes.  It's always good if your enemy underestimates you.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on June 07, 2009, 07:02:14 PM
Quote
Kirby


Nice! It works surprisingly well too!  :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 10, 2009, 12:38:54 PM
Dire Lemur
                      Tiny Animal
Hit Dice:             1/2d8 (2 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                15 ft. (15 squares), Climb 15 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (+2 Size, +3 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-12
Attack:              Nibble +3 melee (1d2-4)
Full Attack:          Nibble +3 melee (1d2-4)
Space/Reach:          2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:     
Special Qualities:    Enhanced Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 3, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 1, Wis 14, Cha 7
Skills:               Balance, Climb, Hide, Listen, Spot
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...Bert wake up!"

"Zzzznerk..whut?  Whut's happenin'?"

"Lil' critters Bert.  They're everywhere..."

"Is that one holding your bag of smoke powder and matches?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

BOOM!

Skills:



                      Epic Lemur
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             2d8+2 (11 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+2
Attack:               Munch +4 melee (1d4+1)
Full Attack:          Munch +4 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:     
Special Qualities:    Enhanced Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +6, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 16, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 12
Skills:               Balance, Climb, Hide, Listen, Spot
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Ah can't believe that happened."

"Damn jungle critters.  Break out that bag of fruit Ah'm hungry."

"Uh Bert...they got relatives...big relatives.  And I think they want the fruit."


Skills:


work in progress, yes the name will be explained in the text
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 11, 2009, 12:51:20 PM
Dire Lemur
                      Tiny Animal
Hit Dice:             1/2d8 (2 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                15 ft. (15 squares), Climb 15 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (+2 Size, +3 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-12
Attack:              Nibble +3 melee (1d2-4)
Full Attack:          Nibble +3 melee (1d2-4)
Space/Reach:          2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Enhanced Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 3, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 7
Skills:               Balance +11, Climb +11, Hide +11, Jump +4, Listen +4, Spot +8
Feats:                Weapon Finesse, Brachiation (B)
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     1/3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...Bert wake up!"

"Zzzznerk..whut?  Whut's happenin'?"

"Lil' critters Bert.  They're everywhere..."

"Is that one holding your bag of smoke powder and matches?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

BOOM!

Dire Lemurs are larger versions of smaller Lemur species such as the Pygmy Mouse Lemur.

Enhanced Low Light Vision (Ex): Lemurs can see 6 times as far as humans in shadowy illumination.

Skills: Dire Lemurs have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance, Climb, and Jump Checks.  They also have a +4 Racial Bonus to Spot Checks.  They may always Take 10 on a Climb Check, and may use their Dex or Strength Modifier for Climb Checks, whichever is better.

Combat: Dire Lemurs use pack tactics to swipe food and run.  If cornered they will bite.

                      Epic Lemur
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             2d8+2 (11 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+2
Attack:               Munch +4 melee (1d4+1)
Full Attack:          Munch +4 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Enhanced Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +6, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 16, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 12
Skills:               Balance +11, Climb +11, Hide +5, Jump +9, Listen +4, Spot +6
Feats:                Weapon Finesse, Brachiation (B)
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Ah can't believe that happened."

"Damn jungle critters.  Break out that bag of fruit Ah'm hungry."

"Uh Bert...they got relatives...big relatives.  And I think they want the fruit."

Epic Lemurs are merely Dire versions of the larger Lemur species such as the Ring Tailed Lemur.

Enhanced Low Light Vision (Ex): Lemurs can see 6 times as far as humans in shadowy illumination.

Skills: Dire Lemurs have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance, Climb, and Jump Checks.  They also have a +4 Racial Bonus to Spot Checks.  They may always Take 10 on a Climb Check, and may use their Dex or Strength Modifier for Climb Checks, whichever is better.

Combat: Epic Lemurs use pack tactics to swipe food and run.  If cornered they will bite.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 12, 2009, 01:17:13 PM
Were Otters

Were Otter is an Acquired or Inherited Template that can be applied to any Humanoid.

Size and Type: Type remains the same, and the Base Creature gains the Shapechanger Subtype.  Size in Otter form is Tiny, Size in Hybrid form is Small. Size in humanoid form is unchanged.

Hit Dice: Unchanged.

Speed: Land speed is 20 in Hybrid and Otter forms, otherwise unchanged. May not use any alternate movement forms the humanoid form possesses in the Otter or Hybrid Forms.  All 3 forms have a Swim speed equal to their Land Speed (unless they have a higher racial Swim Speed).

Armor Class: Use the humanoid forms Natural Armor bonus for all 3 forms. Natural Armor bonus increases by +1.

Attacks: Use the humanoids BAB for all 3 forms (Grapple bonus will change due to Size penalties in Hybrid and Otter forms). The Hybrid and Otter Forms have a Bite attack that does 1d3 damage (1d4 in Hybrid Form) plus Strength Modifier.

Damage: Unchanged.

Special Attacks: Retains all Special Attacks of the Base Creature, and gains Otters Curse:

Otter's Curse (Su): As a Standard Action the Were Otter may curse any Humanoid within 60' if they fail a Willpower Save (DC is 10 plus half Hit Dice plus Charisma Modifier).  If they fail the Saving Throw, they become Were Otters.

Special Qualities: Retains all Special Qualities of the Base Creature, and gains the following:

Low Light Vision

Scent

Hold Breath (Ex): A Were Otter can hold it's breath for (4 times it's Constitution Modifier) rounds before it risks drowning.

Alternate Form (Su):Identical to the Alternate Form ability listed in the Monster Manual for Lycanthropes.

Otter Empathy (Su): Can communicate with Otters and has a +4 Racial bonus on Charisma based checks to influence them.

Damage Reduction 5/Silver (except in humanoid form)

Saves: Increase Base creatures Fortitude and Reflex Saves by +2.

Abilities: Were Otters gain +2 Wis. Physical Stats in Otter Form are -8 Str, +8 Dex, Con unchanged. Physical Stats in Hybrid Form are -4 Strength, +4 Dex.

Skills: Were Otters gain a +8 Racial Bonus on Swim Checks, and may Always Take 10 on a Swim Check.  They can use the Run Action while swimming in a straight line.  They also gain a +4 Racial Bonus on Balance and Climb Checks, and may use their Strength or Dexterity Modifier for Climb Checks, whichever is better.

Feats: Gains Weapon Finesse and Iron Will as Bonus Feats.

Environment: Unchanged, but Were Otters prefer to move near water.

Organization: Solitary (Unchanged if there are enough other Were Otters about, or in squads of 5-10 if working for the Lycanthrope Goddess).

Challenge Rating: +1

Treasure: Unchanged.

Alignment: Usually Neutral with some tendencies towards Chaos.

Advancement: Unchanged, usually by Character Class

Level Adjustment: +2


Were Otters are minions of the Goddess of Lycanthropes, as are most weres.   Since Otters are playful, and people seem to adore them she thought they'd make perfect spies.  She was right.  Unfortunately their preferences for water don't make them wide ranging spies.  But since city ports are where much activity and business happens, they are still quite useful.  And Otters are soft fuzzy critters.  People find it hard to kill soft fuzzy critters.

Example of creature using template here:

                      Piggie Faced Bob (Human Form)
                      Medium Humanoid (Human, Shapechanger) Expert 1
Hit Dice:             1d6+1 (4 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft.
Armor Class:          12 (+1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/+2
Attack:               By weapon +2 melee
Full Attack:          By weapon +2 melee
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Otter's Curse
Special Qualities:    Alter Form, Low Light Vision, Hold Breath, Scent, Otter Empathy
Saves:                Fort +1, Ref +1, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 14, Dex 13, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 17, Cha 8
Skills:               Balance +5, Climb +7, Knowledge (Local, Nature) +1, Profession (Fisherman, Sailor) +4, Spot, Swim +11
Feats:              Alertness, Iron Will (B), Rapidstrike (B), Weapon Finesse (B)
Challenge Rating:     2
Alignment:            Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:     +2


Piggie Faced Bob (Hybrid Form)
                      Small Humanoid (Human, Shapechanger) Commoner 1
Hit Dice:             1d6+1 (4 hp)
Initiative:           
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+1 Size, +3 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-4
Attack:               Bite +3 melee (1d4)
Full Attack:          Bite +3 melee (1d4)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Otter's Curse
Special Qualities:    Alter Form, Low Light Vision, Hold Breath, Scent, Otter Empathy, DR 5/Silver
Saves:                Fort +1, Ref +3, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 17, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 17, Cha 8
Skills:               Balance +7, Climb +9, Knowledge (Local, Nature) +1, Profession (Fisherman, Sailor) +4, Spot, Swim +9
Feats:              Alertness, Iron Will (B), Rapidstrike (B), Weapon Finesse (B)
Challenge Rating:    2
Alignment:            Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:   +2


Piggie Faced Bob (Otter Form)
                      Tiny Humanoid (Human, Shapechanger) Expert 1
Hit Dice:             1d6+1 (4 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class:          18 (+2 Size, +5 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 27, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-10
Attack:               Bite +5 melee (1d3-2)
Full Attack:          Bite +5 melee (1d3-2)
Space/Reach:          2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Otter's Curse
Special Qualities:    Alter Form, Low Light Vision, Hold Breath, Scent, Otter Empathy, DR 5/Silver
Saves:                Fort +1, Ref +5, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 6, Dex 21, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 17, Cha 8
Skills:              Balance +9, Climb +11, Knowledge (Local, Nature) +1, Profession (Fisherman, Sailor) +4, Spot, Swim +7
Feats:                Alertness, Iron Will (B), Rapidstrike (B), Weapon Finesse (B)
Challenge Rating:   2
Alignment:            Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:    +2


Piggie Faced Bob is a local fisherman and sailor.  Hanging out fishing by the docks it was inevitable he'd end up becoming a Were Otter.  Guess they felt it was payment for all the free fish he gives them.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 13, 2009, 11:03:15 AM
Dire Ankylosaur
                      Colossal Animal
Hit Dice:             45d8+585 (945 hp)
Initiative:           -3
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          30 (-8 Size, -3 Dex, +31 Natural), touch 0, flat-footed 30
Base Attack/Grapple:  +33/+66
Attack:               Tail Slap +43 melee (4d6+34/19-20)
Full Attack:          Tail Slap +43 melee (4d6+34/19-20)
Space/Reach:          30 ft./20 ft.
Special Attacks:      Trample 8d6+34 (DC 49), Spiny Shell, Tail Slap
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision, Low Light Vision, Scent, Thick Armor
Saves:                Fort +42, Ref +21, Will +27
Abilities:            Str 45, Dex 5, Con 35, Int 2, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +24, Spot +24
Feats:                Awesome Blow, Brutal Strike, Cleave, Devastating Critical, Diehard, Epic Fortitude, Great Cleave, Great Fortitude, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Critical (Tail Slap), Improved Toughness, Large and in Charge, Power Attack, Power Critical (Tail Slap), Steadfast Determination, Weapon Focus (Tail Slap)
Environment:          Warm Hills and Plains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          46-92 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"The good news is it's not a Tarrasque.  The bad news is it still looks pretty darn mean..."


Dire Ankylosaurs are pretty rare, and the occasion when two individuals of the opposite sex meet to mate are even rarer.  So the good thing is the world isn't exactly overrun with them.  On the other side they're just to darn stubborn to die.

Thick Armor (Ex): Dire Ankylosaurs are immune to criticals and may not be flanked.  They also gain maximum hit points per hit die.

Trample (Ex): 8d6+34 (DC 49).

Spiny Shell (Ex): The armored shell of the Dire Ankylosaur is covered in bony spikes, and opponents of Gargantuan Size Class or bigger that attack them with an unarmed strike or a natural weapon take 1d6 plus their own Strength Modifier in damage.

Tail Slap (Ex): Any living creature that is not immune to criticals struck by the Dire Ankylosaurs tail must make a DC 49 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Strength based) or be Stunned for 1d3 rounds.

Combat: Ankylosaurs immediately wade in with the tail if surprised, otherwise they wait for an opponent to charge and lash out.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 16, 2009, 02:22:16 PM
KING

King is an Inherited or Acquired Template that can be applied to any Dinosaur, Dire Animal, or Vermin that is Large or bigger, and has Advanced Hit Dice (remember to recalculate stats before applying template).

Size and Type: Unchanged.

Hit Dice: Unchanged, but Kings get maximum hit points per Hit Die.

Speed: Unchanged.

Armor Class: Base Creatures Natural Armor Class increases by +6.

Attacks: The Base Creatures Natural Attacks gain a competence bonus to all attack rolls equal to their Charisma Bonus (minimum of +1).

Damage: The Base Creatures Natural Attacks gain a competence bonus to all damage rolls equal to their Charisma Bonus (minimum of +1).

Special Attacks: Retains all Special Attacks of the Base Creature, plus gains the following:

Ferocity (Ex): King creatures may fight normally even when disabled or dying.

Veteran Combatant (Ex): A roll of 1 is not an automatic failure when making to hit rolls or trying to confirm criticals. 

Veteran Killer (Ex): All the Kings natural attacks have their threat range increased by 2 (i.e. if their bite normally criticals on a 20, it now criticals on an 18-20).  This does not stack with other effects that increase critical threat range.

Special Qualities: Retains all Special Attacks of the Base Creature, plus gains the following:

Wily (Ex): You have a 50% chance of negating any critical hit.

Uncanny Dodge (Ex): See PHB page 50.

Improved Uncanny Dodge (Ex): See PHB page 50.

Saves: Base Creature gains a +4 Racial Bonus on all Saving Throws.

Abilities: +4 Str, +4 Dex, +4 Con, +1 Int (unless it is Mindless), +4 Wis, +8 Cha

Skills: Unchanged.

Feats: Unchanged.

Environment: Unchanged.

Organization: Unique

Challenge Rating: +3

Treasure: Unchanged

Alignment: Unchanged

Advancement: Unchanged

Level Adjustment: ---

Example of creature using template here:

                       King T-Rex
                      Gargantuan Animal
Hit Dice:             54d8+495 (927 hp)
Initiative:           +7
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (-4 Size, +3 Dex, +9 natural), touch 9, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple:  +40/+67
Attack:               Bite +56 melee (4d6+29/18-20)
Full Attack:          Bite +56 melee (4d6+29/18-20)
Space/Reach:          20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Swallow Whole, Ferocity, Veteran combatant, Veteran Killer
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent, Wily, Uncanny Dodge, Improved Uncanny Dodge
Saves:                Fort +42, Ref +36, Will +26
Abilities:            Str 40, Dex 16, Con 29, Int 3, Wis 19, Cha 18
Skills:               Hide +8, Listen +28, Spot +28
Feats:                Alertness, Awesome Blow, Cleave, Combat Reflexes, Great Cleave, Devastating Critical, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Critical (Bite), Improved Initiative, Improved Natural Attack (Bite), Improved Snatch, Large and in Charge, Multisnatch, Overwhelming Critical, Power Attack, Run, Snatch, Toughness (x3), Track, Weapon Focus (Bite)
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     11
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          --
Level Adjustment:     ---


Kings are the last or greatest or most powerful of their race.  Subject of many bad films.  Really really bad films.  Hopefully it makes for a neat template tho :D  Despite it's bonus to Intelligence a King cannot take class levels.  It's still an animal, just a very intelligent one.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 17, 2009, 11:04:47 AM



                      Dire Kangaroo
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             5d8+15 (37 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class:          16 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+10
Attack:               Paw +9 melee (1d8+6)
Full Attack:          2 Paws +9 melee (1d8+6)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Spring Kick
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Short Term Speed
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +7, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 22, Dex 16, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills:               Jump +14, Listen +5, Spot +5
Feats:                Improved Bull Rush, Power Attack, Flying Kick (B)
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, Troop (5-12)
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          6-10 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"You hired us ta fight mice?  Bert we can't fight mice.  The other adventurers will make fun of us.  Wtf man?"

"No no, I said they look like mice.  Kind of.  But not really."

"We're fightin' some horrifyin' abomination of nature agin aren't we?"

Dire Kangaroos are mischievous roos about 13' tall that like to grapple and box the humanoid races for sport.  They're kinda mean.  But the locals say they taste pretty good.  Of course the locals may be biased because the roos beat the crap out of them on a daily basis.

Improved Grab (Ex):  If a Dire Kangaroo hits with it's Paw attack, it can immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it does it's Paw damage each round as it continues to wail on it's grappled victim.

Spring Kick (Ex): As a Standard Action the kangaroo jumps up and slams both back claws into it's opponents mid section.  It does 4d6+6 damage.

Skills: Dire Kangaroos have a +8 Racial Bonus to Jump Checks.

Combat: Dire Kangaroos open with a charge if the opponent isn't close, and immediately close to begin grappling if they are.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 19, 2009, 11:59:25 AM
Dire Rock Wallaby
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             2d8+2 (11 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+3 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+3
Attack:               Paw +4 melee (1d6+2)
Full Attack:          2 Paws +4 melee (1d6+2)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +6, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 14, Dex 16, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 5
Skills:               Climb +11, Jump +6, Listen +6, Spot +5
Feats:                Alertness, Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment:          Warm Hills or Mountains
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Colony (6-100)
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"These lil not mouse critters seem nicer than the bigger ones."

"Uh...Abner the tall male is lookin' at you kinda funny like...like he's mad or somethin'..."

Dire Rock Wallabies are almost the size of regular kangaroos.  Meaning they look like...kangaroos.  Kangaroos with attitude who look like they want to kick your behind.  For no better reason than that you're there.

Improved Grab (Ex): If a Dire Wallaby hits with it's Paw attack, it can immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it does it's Paw damage each round as it continues to wail on it's grappled victim.

Skills: Dire Rock Wallabies gain a +8 Racial Bonus to Climb Checks and a +4 Racial Bonus to Jump Checks.  Wallabies can always Take 10 on a Climb Check, and can use their Str or Dex modifier for Climb Checks (whichever is higher).

Combat: unexpectedly feistier than their larger kin, Wallabies charge en masse and begin wailing on everything in their path.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 21, 2009, 03:18:30 PM
work in progress

                     
                      GAK, SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNN
                      Colossal Outsider
Hit Dice:             70d8+1260 (1575 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                60 ft. (12 squares), Fly 240' (Clumsy)
Armor Class:          56 (-8 Size, +4 Dex, +30 Natural, +20 Deflection), touch 26, flat-footed 52
Base Attack/Grapple:  +70/+104
Attack:               Peck +80 melee (6d6+18)
Full Attack:          1 Peck +80 melee (6d6+18) and 2 Scratches +75 melee (4d6+9)
Space/Reach:          40 ft./40 ft.
Special Attacks:      Planetfall, Nonstop Squawking, Trample (4d12+36), Frightful Presence, Ultimate Bawk
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 240', Flight, Immunities, SR 45, DR 40/Epic, Fast Healing 20, Energy Resistance 50 (Cold, Fire, Sonic)
Saves:                Fort +59, Ref +41, Will +44
Abilities:            Str 46, Dex 18, Con 46, Int 5, Wis 24, Cha 35
Skills:               Climb +57, Intimidate +51, Jump +57, Knowledge (Geography) +36, Listen +46, Search +36, Spot +46, Survival +46, Swim +56
Feats:                Adroit Flyby Attack, Awesome Blow, Cleave, Combat Reflexes, Devastating Critical (Peck), Dodge, Epic Fortitude, Flyby Attack, Great Cleave, Great Flyby Attack, Hover, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Critical (Peck), Improved Flyby Attack, Improved Snatch, Large and in Charge, Mobility, Multisnatch, Overwhelming Critical (Peck), Power Attack, Power Critical (Peck), Snatch, Weapon Focus (Peck), Wingover
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Unique
Challenge Rating:     
Treasure:             Triple Standard
Alignment:            Neutral
Advancement:          71+ HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"Bert...Bert a giant meteor crushed that town over yonder!"

"You woke me up for that?

"Well it ain't every night a giant space rock destroys a city.  What if there are more.  Wait...is it movin'?"

"Go back to sleep Abner."

"BAWK! BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!"

"Saddle the horse Abner.  Sleep doesn't look like it's waitin' for us tonight..."

The being known as Gak! Spaaaace Chiiiiiiickkkeeeeeeeeeeeennn (insert echo effect here), is an odd being traveling through space visiting planets looking for something.  At least it appears to be that way.  He (everyone calls Gak a him) always makes scratching and nosing about as if looking for something his first priority after he falls from the sky.  Gak appears as a vaguely chickenlike entity with leathery grey hide as opposed to feathers, stubby wings that shouldn't support it's body weight, deely bobber antennae, and an odd crest that runs from the top of it's head down it's back.  It also has huge glowing eyes, and screams and babbles almost nonstop, causing instant hatred in all who encounter it as they pray for it to just shut up.  While Gak appears to be speaking a language, no one has yet deciphered what it is (although no one has used magical means of communicating yet either).

Planetfall (Ex):  When Gak initially visits a planet, he simply falls from the sky doing 40d6 damage in a 500' area.  It can honestly be said that this is a lot more fun for Gak than anyone in the vicinity.

Nonstop Squawking (Ex): Gak never shuts up.  Ever.  As long as he is conscious, so is everything else within the next few miles.  Anything within 120' of Gak must make a DC 63 Listen check to hear anything that is said, possibly ruining any language dependent effects as you simply cant hear them (Save DC is Con based, and the DC is lowered by -5 for every 10' past the normal 120' range).  Bards must make a Level Check against Gak for their Bardic Music to work.  Anything failing the Save once is permanently deafened as well.

Ultimate Bawk (Su): Gak unleashes a horrifyingly loud bawk that can be heard over an area of roughly 50 miles.  It may do this once per day.  The Ultimate Bawk does 35d6 Sonic damage in an area of 50'.  For every 5' past the initial 50' area damage drops by 1d6. Opponents in this area can make a DC 67 Reflex Save (Save DC is Charisma based) for half damage.  Opponents who fail the Save are also permanently deafened.

Trample (Ex): DC 63 Reflex Save for half damage (Save DC is Strength Based).

Frightful Presence (Ex): Any creature who has less Hit Dice than Gak and is within 240' of him when he lands, attacks, or flies overhead must make a DC 57 Willpower Save or be Panicked for 2d6 rounds.  If the Save is Successful the opponent is Shaken for the duration of the encounter instead.

Immunities (Ex): Gak is immune to Mind Influencing Effects, poison, sleep effects, paralysis, disease, and ability drain/damage.

Combat:

work in progress
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 27, 2009, 02:13:10 PM
Dire Penguin
                      Gargantuan Animal
Hit Dice:             12d8+96 (150 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Swim 80 ft.
Armor Class:          20 (-4 Size, -1 Dex, +15 natural), touch 5, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple:  +9/+33
Attack:               Beak +17 melee (2d6 +12)
Full Attack:          1 Beak +17 melee (2d6+12) and 2 Flipper Slaps +12 melee (1d8+6)
Space/Reach:          20 ft./20 ft.
Special Attacks:      Belly Flop
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Hold Breath
Saves:                Fort +16, Ref +7, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 35, Dex 9, Con 26, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 18
Skills:               Listen +8, Spot +9, Swim +20
Feats:                Cold Endurance, Endurance, Improved Cold Endurance, Large and in Charge, Swim By Attack
Environment:          Cold Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, Flock (11-30), or Colony (31-100)
Challenge Rating:     6
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          13-24 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Screw this Bert.  It's cold, Ah'm hungry, and you didn't tell me we wuz goin' after birds agin.  Ah'm beginnin' to develop a complex bout birds dammit."

Dire Penguins are simply enormous versions of their more traditional cousins.  They're loud, stinky, and wonderful to watch.  As long as you're far away.  Especially during mating or nesting season.

Belly Flop (Ex): The Dire Penguin can fall on any creature two sizes smaller than itself doing 2d8+24 damage (DC 28 Reflex Save for half Damage, Save DC is Strength Based).  This works like Trample in every way but one: If the opponent fails to make his Saving Throw, he is considered Pinned in a Grapple.  Each round the DP can make a Grapple Check to successfully move him 10', simultaneously doing 1d8+12 damage as it grinds it's opponent into the ground.

Skills: Dire Penguins have a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim Checks, and may Always Take 10 on a Swim Check.  They may use the Run Action when swimming in a straight line.

Combat:  Dire Penguins will bite and slap opponents of similar size.  Against smaller opponents, they fall on them pinning them to the ground before dragging them across the ice.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 29, 2009, 11:32:14 AM
THE NEW KAIJU TEMPLATE

Kaiju is an inherited Template that can be applied to any corporeal being of Huge Size or Smaller.

Size and Type: Size becomes Colossal. Type remains unchanged except for Animals and Vermin. Their type changes to Magical Beast. Giants and Humanoids become Monstrous Humanoids. All Subtypes are retained.

Hit Dice: Hit Die type remains the same unless the base creature has changed type (i.e. an animal has become a Monstrous Beast). The Base creature adds 40 Hit Dice.

Speed: The base creatures speed increases to 20 ft. if it is slower than 20, otherwise it remains the same. Kaiju with the ability to fly have Poor maneuverability. If you take the Titanic Size Class ability base speed is 25.

Armor Class: The Kaiju gains a bonus to it's Natural Armor Class of +15 with additional bonuses from their increase on size. To save time I have added them here: Medium or Smaller = +29, Large = +27, Huge = +24. Also the monster will have a new Size modifier of -8 to it's Armor Class. If it takes teh Titanic Size Class ability increase the bonus to Natural AC by +1.


Attacks: The Kaiju gains a -8 Size modifier to it's attacks due to it's new Size. If it can use a weapon it gets a maximum of 4 attacks per round with the Full Attack Option (unless Feats, spells, class options, etc alter this). Do not forget to alter the base creatures attack bonus due to its new ability stats. Base Attack Bonus becomes that of a Fighter regardless of Creature Type (i.e. +1 per level). If the Kaiju has no natural attacks (i.e. it's humanoid, or the base creature was too small to do any damage) consult page 296 of the Monster Manual and give it an appropriate attack for it's body style and Size Class. For a humanoid, it will gain 2 slam attacks. If an insect too small to originally do any harm it likely has a bite of some sort, etc.


Damage: Damage of all the Kaiju's natural attacks increases with it's size increase (consult page 291 of the Monster Manual). Don't forget to add the creature's new Str modifier to damage. Special Attacks will also go up in damage and are covered below.

Space/Reach: If the creature is Colossal (Tall) it's new Space is 40 ft. by 40 ft. If it is Colossal (Long) it's new space is 40 ft. by 80 ft. If it is Colossal (Long and Thin) it's new Space is 30 ft. by 120 ft. Reach depends on the base creatures reach: 0 to 5 ft. becomes 20 ft. Reaches 10 feet or above add +10 feet to the Reach. Creatures like Giant Squid that have 2 reaches (one normal and one for a specific attack) increase both. The Giant Squid normally has a Reach of 15' with it's tentacles, and double that (30') for its tentacles. A Kaiju Squid has a Reach of 25' (15 +10) and 50' (25 x2) with it's tentacles. If the base creature has any attacks with a Line effect they become a 10 foot by 150 foot line. If it has any attacks with a Cone effect they become an 80 foot cone. If it has any Ray attacks the new range becomes 300 feet. Other ranged attacks or areas of effect change based on the base creatures size: Diminutive or smaller
is x8, Tiny or Small is x4, Medium or Large is x3, Huge is x2.

Special Attacks: The Kaiju keeps all the Special Attacks of the Base Creature with some modifications. The Save DC for Ability/Energy Drains, Fear/Frightful Presence (or other terror inducing abilities), Gaze Attacks, and any Spell Like/Supernatural/Psionic abilities is now 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Charisma modifier. The Save DC for Breath Weapons and Poison is now 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution Modifier. Damage for special attacks changes with the new size.

Ability Drain/Damage: Does 1d8 points unless it already does more damage/drain than this.
Breath Weapon: Now does 20d6 damage +1d6 for 3 every 3 Hit Dice over 40 unless it already does more.
Constriction: Now does 3d6 + one and a half times Strength Bonus, unless it already does more. If constriction is based on some sort of claw/pincer attack it does double that attacks normal damage plus Strength bonus.
Energy Drain: Drains 2 levels unless it already does more.
Poison: If the poison does regular damage its Initial and Secondary Damage is 2d6 unless it already does more. Non damage effects do not change.
Spells or Psionics: If the base creature can cast spells or manifest psionics that does not change at all, but the primary casting/manifesting stat is now Charisma. Arcane casters are considered to cast spells as a Sorcerer, Divine as a Favored Soul.
Swallow Whole: The monsters Swallow Whole ability is replaced with the following: The Kaiju can try to swallow any opponent of Huge Size or smaller by making a successful Grapple check (Gargantuan or smaller if you take the Titanic Size Class ability). Once swallowed the opponent takes crushing damage equal to 2d8 + the Kaiju's Strength bonus and 3d6 acid damage per round. A swallowed creature can cut its way out using claws or a light piercing or slashing weapon and doing 50 points of damage to the Kaiju's digestive tract. The digestive tracts AC is equal to 10 + half the Kaiju's natural armor bonus. Once the swallowed creature exits muscular action closes the hole and any other swallowed creatures must cut their own way out.

All Kaiju gain a Trample Attack and Frightening Presence:

Trample (Ex): As a standard action during its turn a Kaiju may Trample a Gargantuan or smaller opponent. It does 4d12 plus the kaiju's Strength modifier. If the Kaiju has 4 or more legs add double the Strength modifier. If the Kaiju has no legs or many legs (a snake or centipede) do not add the Strength modifier. Victims can attempt a Reflex Save for Half Damage. DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Strength modifier. Does 5d12 if you have taken the Titanic Size Class ability.

Frightful Presence (Ex): Any creature within a 360 foot radius of a Kaiju that has less Hit Dice than the Kaiju is subject to its Frightening Presence. Victims in this range must make a Will Save DC (10 + 1/2 Kaiju's Hit Dice + Charisma modifer). If a save is successful that creature is immune to this Kaiju's frightful presence for 24 hours. Creatures with 4 HD or less are Panicked for 4d6 rounds, those with 5 HD or more are instead Shaken for 4d6 rounds. Kaiju are immune to this effect.

In addition to Special attacks it may already have and Trample the Kaiju may pick from the following list. It gets one special attack, plus one more for every 3 Hit Dice above 40:

Ability Drain (Su): The Kaiju's primary attack (or its constriction if it has the Constriction ability) drains 1d8 from one stat which is chose at creation. Attacks drain with each hit, Constriction drains each round the hold is maintained. A Fortitude Save (DC equals 10 + 1/2 Hit DIce + Charisma modifier) can be made to avoid this drain effect. This is otherwise identical to the ability listed in Monster Manual page 305 with one exception: At creation choose one of the following options: A successful Drain gives the Kaiju 5 temporary hit points for 1 hour, or it gives it a cumulative +1 to hit and damage rolls for 1 hour, or the Save DC's of it's Special Attacks are +2 for 1 hour. You must choose during creation to decide if the Ability Drain is linked to your primary attack, Constriction, or is done during a successful Grapple check.

Augmented Criticals (Ex): This may be taken multiple times. Choose one of the following: A) All the Kaiju's regular attacks have their critical threat range increased by 2 (i.e. if their claws normally critical on a 20, now they critical on an 18-20). B) One of the Kaiju's Special Attacks has it's critical threat range increased by 1 (assuming it actually does critical damage such as a ray, area effects dont count). C) All of the Kaiju's regular attacks have their critical damage multiplier increased by 1 (i.e. if they normally do x2 damage with a critical, they now do x3. D) You have a +4 Racial bonus on rolls to confirm Criticals. You must choose a different option whenever you pick this Special Attack.

Battle Frenzy (Ex): Choose either the Power, Speed, or Defense option when picking this ability. Power: Once per fight the Kaiju may go into Battle Frenzy gaining an ability exactly the same as the Barbarians Mighty Rage ability listed in the Players Handbook page 26. Speed:As Power except you use the Whirling Frenzy variant found on page 66 of Unearthed Arcana (kaiju is assumed to get the version of Whirling Frenzy usd by a 2oth level barbarian). Defense: As Power except you get the Berserker Strength variant listed on page 33 of Players Handbook 2. You must fall below (5 x HD) hit points to get these bonuses (and are assumed to be a 20th level barbarian for purposes of the benefits received). If you choose this special attack for your Kaiju (regardless which of the 3 options you choose), you may take any Feat that requires Rage or Frenzy as a Prerequisite. This ability may only be chosen once.

Blinding Flash (Su):The Kaiju can emit a blinding flash of light a number of times per day equal to its Charisma modifier. Anyone within 100 feet of the Kaiju looking at it that has eyes must make a Fortitude Save (DC: 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Charisma modifier) or be Blinded for 1d6 minutes. If the Save is successful they are blinded for 1d4 rounds.

Constriction (Ex): If the Kaiju suceeds in a grapple check it can constrict its opponent for 3d6+one and a half times Strength bonus. Does 4d6 if you have taken the Titanic Size Class Special ability. If the Constriction is instead based on pincers/claws it does double the claws regular damage plus Strength bonus.

Diseased Attack(Ex):The Kaiju's natural attacks are infected with disease. Opponents who are successfully struck by these attacks must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution Modifier) or be infected. You may choose any disease on page 292 of the DM's Guide that has Contact or Injury listed as an infection method (except Mummy Rot).

Disease Spray (Ex):You may spray an opponent with infected fluids. This is an 80 foot cone that may be used every 1d4 rounds. Opponents must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 +1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution Modifier)or be infected. You may choose any disease on page 292 of the DM's Guide that has Contact or Injury as an infection method except Mummy Rot (Diseases with the Injury infection method will only infect if you have already injured the opponent before spraying them).

Energized Attack (Su):As a standard action once per minute you may charge your natural attacks attacks with energy of some type. You must chose the type when the Kaiju is created, and the effect last 1d4+1 rounds. During this time the natural attacks do an extra 3d6 damage of the appropriate energy type, this damage is not multiplied on a critical. You may choose Acid, Cold, Electricity, Fire, Force, Negative Energy, Postive Energy, or Sonic. Optionally you may choose during creation to link your Energized Attacks to your natural attacks, Constriction, or successful Grapple attacks. This ability may be chosen more than once. If so, decide which version of the Energized Attack you are using (the effects of picking it more than once do not stack).

Energy Attack (Su):Once every 1d4 rounds the Kaiju can make an energy attack of some sort. You must choose the energy type during creation and may choose Acid, Cold, Electricity, Fire, Force, Negative Energy, Positive Energy, or Sonic. It may take the form of an 80' Cone, a 10'x150' Line, a Ray with a range of 300 feet, an Energy Missile with a range of 150 feet, or an Explosive Blast with a range of 200 feet and a 60 foot radius spread. An opponent can make a Reflex Save for half damage against the Cone, Line, and Explosive Blast Effects for half damage (Save DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution or Charisma Modifier, you choose during creation). The Ray and Energy Missile attacks are Ranged Touch Attacks that Critical on a Natural 20 doing double damage. Damage for the Cone, Line, or Explosive Blast attacks are 20d6 damage plus 1d6 damage for every 3 Hit Dice over 40. Energy Missiles are 15d6 damage plus 1d6 damage for every 3 Hit Dice over 40. Rays are 10d6 Damage plus 1d6 for every 3 Hit Dice over 40. If using this attack as a breath Weapon it must be defined as such during creation.

Energy Drain Attack (Su): The Kaiju may Drain Energy Levels with its natural attack or with a successful grapple attempt (choose at creation). This Drains one Energy level per successful attack (or per round if grappling) unless the enemy makes a successful Fortitude Save (DC: 10 +1/2 Hit Dice + Charisma modifier). The Kaiju gains 5 temporary hit points (10 hit points on a critical hit) for the next hour.

Energy Drain (Su): You may Drain energy levels with an attack. The attack is an 80' Cone, a 10'x150' Line, or a 300' Ray. Opponents inside the Area of Effect of the Line or Cone (or struck by the Ray) must make a Fortitude Save (DC: 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Charisma modifier) or lose 2 Energy Levels. The Ray criticals on a Natural 20 draining 4 Energy Levels. The Kaiju does not gain any benefits from draining Energy Levels in this way. The Energy Drain attack may be used once every 1d4 rounds.

Extending Limbs (Ex): Your main limbs have double the normal reach. This can be arms, tentacles, or even a tongue or tail. You must choose at creation.

Poison Attack (Ex): One of your natural attacks (usually a bite or sting) is envenomed. If this attack hits and does damage, your opponent must make a Fortitude Save to avoid the venom's effects (Dc is 10 +1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution Modifier). Initial and Secondary damage is 2d6, you choose whether or nor Damage is done to Strength, Dexterity, or Constitution at Creation. Or optionally Initial damage is Paralysis for 2d4 rounds, secondary damage is none.

Poison Spittle (Ex):You may spew a gob of caustic poison into your opponents face possibly blinding them. Every 1d4 rounds you may spew a gob of venom as a touch attack with a range of 150 feet. If it hits the victim is allowed a Reflex Save (DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution modifier). If he fails he is blinded for 1d6 rounds (eyeless creatures are immune to this effect), and takes acid damage equal to half your total Hit Dice (i.e. if you have 40 Hit Dice it takes 20 damage).

Poison Spray (Ex):You can spew a cloud of venom once every 1d4 rounds in a 80 foot cone. Anyone in its area of effect must make a Fortitude Save ( Dc is 10 + 1/2 it Dice + Constitution modifier) or take the poisons effects. Intital and secondary damage is 1d6, you may choose to damage either Strength, Dexterity, or Constitution at creation. Or optionally you may choose to make initial damage Paralysis for 1d4 rounds, secondary damage none.

Psi Like Ability (Sp):Each time this Special Attack is picked the Kaiju gains 1 psionic power as a Psi Like Ability. The Kaiju is considered to be a 20th level Manifester, and Save DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Charisma modifier. The Kaiju may pick any Psionic power on the Psychic Warrior List. Powers of second level or less may be used 5 times per day, powers of 3rd to 5th level may be used 3 times per day, powers of 6th level or higher may be used once per day.

Ranged Attack (Ex):You have some sort of ranged physical attack such as spines or missiles. It comes in one of 3 forms: An 80' Cone, a 10'x150' Line, an Explosion with a range of 200 feet and a 60' spread, or a ranged attack using your ranged attack bonus and with a range increment of 200'. Decide at the creation if damage is blunt, piercing, or slashing. Opponents receive a Reflex Saving Throw for Half Damage vs the Cone, Line or Explosion versions (DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constituion modifier). Damage for Cone, Line or Explosion is 10d6 +1d6 for every 3 Hit Dice over 40. Damage for Ranged attack version is 5d6 + 1d6 for every 3 Hit Dice over 40 + Strength modifier (and it criticals on a Natural 20 doing double damage).

Rock Throwing/Catching (Ex): You receive a +1 Racial bonus on attack rolls when throwing rocks. You can throw up to Huge sized rocks (1 ton in weight). Damage is 4d6 + Strength Bonus. Once a round, if you would normally be hit by a rock you can make a Reflex Save to catch it (DC is 15 for Small, 20 for Medium, 25 for Large, or 30 for Huge, if the projectile has a magical bonus the Save DC is increased by that amount). You must be ready for and aware of the attack to make this attempt. If you have taken the Titanic Size Class ability you can throw up to Gargantuan Sized Rocks doing 5d6 damage (DC: 35 to catch).

Shockwave (Ex):As a standard action the Kaiju can make a localized quake. Any being within 100 feet of it on the ground must make a Reflex Save or be knocked prone and take 4d6 damage ( Save DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Strength Modifier).

Spell Like Ability (Sp):Each time this Special Attack is picked the Kaiju gains 1 spell as a Spell Like Ability. The Kaiju is considered to be a 20th level Sorcerer, and Save DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Charisma modifier. The Kaiju may pick any Sorcerer or Druid spell of 8th level or less. Spells of second level or less may be used 5 times per day, spells of 3rd to 5th level may be used 3 times per day, spells of 6th level or higher may be used once per day.

Stench (Ex): Rotting garbage smells better than this Kaiju. Any living being with a sense of smell coming within 60 feet of the Kaiju must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice +Constitution modifier) or be Nauseated for 1d6+4 minutes. If the opponents save successfully they are immune to the effects of the Stench for 24 hours.

Swallow Whole (Ex):Identical to the ability listed above at the beginning of Special Attacks.

Webbing (Ex):The Kaiju may spit webbing or some sort of adhesive in an 80'Cone or a 10'x150' Line or an Explosive Blast with a range of 200' and an area of effect of 60'. All creatures in the area of effect must make a Reflex Save (DC: 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution modifier) or be held fast by it. The opponent cannot move and must escape using an Escape Artist check (DC same as Reflex Save) or Strength Check (DC same as Reflex Save +4, has a +4 Racial bonus. The webbing has 1 hit point per Hit Die of the Kaiju, Hardness 5, and takes double damage from fire.

Windstorm (Ex):As a standard action the Kaiju can create 100 foot long cone of hurricane force winds by flapping its wings (or optionally as a breath weapon). All flames in this area are extinguished, and ranged weapon attacks are impossible except for Siege engines which take a -8 penalty. Listen checks are impossible in this area, and suffer a -8 penalty within 100 feet of the wind. If the area is dusty enough Spot checks will likewise suffer the same penalties. Anything in the cone of effect must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 20) or be subjected to the affects of Hurricane winds described on page 93 of the DMG.

Special Qualities: The Kaiju keeps all Special Qualities of the Base Creature. If any of them have an area of effect it is increased in size similarly to the kaiju's Special Attacks. A Kaiju also gains the following:

Damage Reduction (Ex): A Kaiju gains Damage Reduction 25/Epic. If it already has Damage Reduction it is replaced by this ability.

Dark Vision (Ex): Range is 120 feet.

Energy Resistance (Ex): The Kaiju gains Energy Resistance 50 to one type of energy listed further up under Energy Attack (DM's will note there are some non standard energy types listed). This is the same as the energy type used by the Kaiju's Energized Attack or Energy Attack (you choose 1 if it has neither).

Immune to Mind Influencing Effects (Ex): Kaiju are immune to mind influencing effects (including morale effects and Fear).

Spell Resistance (Su): The Kaiju gains Spell Resistance equal to 10 + it's CR. This ability replaces Spell resistance the base creature may already have.

The Kaiju also gains 1 additional Special Quality, and another additional Special Quality for every 3 Hit Dice over 40:

Absorb Energy (Su):Choose one type of energy the Kaiju has Energy Resistance to. Any damage of this type that penetrates the Kaiju's Energy Resistance is absorbed giving it some sort of temporary bonuss for the next 10 minutes. You must choose which option at creation. You may take this ability more than once to absorb different kinds of energy as long as you have multiple Energy Resistance types. Your options are:
1) The absorbed energy is added to your hit points as temporary hit points.
2)The Save DC's of your Special attacks are increased by +1 for every 10 points of energy damage done
3)Your to hit and damage rolls are increased by +1 for every 10 points of energy damage done
4)Your Deflection bonus to Armor class is increased by +1 for every 10 points of energy damage done
5)Your Saving Throws are increased by +1 for every 10 points of energy damage done
6) You may immediately use an ability such as Energy Attack that can only be used so many times per round even if you just used it. You can do this once per attack you absorb and the attack must do at least 10 hp of amage.
7) You may use one spell like ability an extra time per day as long as you do it within the next 10 minutes. You can do this once per attack absorbed, as long as that attack does 10 hp of damage or more.
8)Extend the duration of a Special Attack like Energized Attack one round per 10 points of damage absorbed.
Options that provide a bonus can accu,ulate a maximum bonus of +10.

Additional Energy Resistance (Ex): This may be taken multiple times. Each time it is taken you gain Energy Resistance 50 to 2 additional types of energy listed under Energy Attack above.

Additional Movement Type (Ex): The Kaiju gains a land, swim, fly, climb, or burrow speed. The new movement types speed is equal to the Kaiju's base speed. This can be chosen multiple times. If the Kaiju gains a Swim move it may also gain the Aquatic subtype if you wish. You may also make it amphibious. If you gain a Flight move your maneuverability is initially Poor.

Chameleon (Ex): The Kaiju can change colors and blend in with it’s background. It does not receive a Size penalty to Hide checks.

Death Throes (Su):When killed this Kaiju explodes doing energy damage of the same type as it has resistance to (choose one at creation if it has more than one). All creatures within 100 feet of the Kaiju must make a Reflex Save (DC=10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution modifier) or take 20d6 energy damage (+1d6 per 3 hit dice over 40). A successful Save halves this damage.

Enhanced Ability Score (Ex): You may add +4 to any one ability score after all the other modifiers for this template have been added.

Enhanced Movement (Ex): One of the Kaiju's movement types is increased by +20 feet. This may be taken multiple times. Optionally if the Kaiju has a Flight speed, it can increase its maneuverability 2 levels higher.

Fast Healing (Ex): The Kaiju gains Fast Healing 20.

Forcefield (Su):Once per day you may create a glowing field of force around yourself for a number of rounds equal to your Charisma modifier. It is effectively the same as a Wall of Force except that it protects you personally as opposed to an area.

Half Construct (Ex): You may only take this Special Quality if the Base Creature was one of the following types: Animal, Aberration, Dragon, Giant, Humanoid, Magical Beast, Monstrous Humanoid, Outsider, Undead, or Vermin. You must also have a solid non amorphous body. Parts of the Kaiju have been replaced with alchemical clockworks and machinery, granting it some Construct like abilities. The Kaiju becomes immune to Poison, Paralysis, Stunning, Disease, and Death Effects. It is also no longer subject to Critical Hits, non lethal damage, and fatigue/exhaustion. It may benefit from either Heal or Repair spells. You are considered a Construct for purposes of taking Feats.

Heavy Armor (Ex):The Kaiju has incredibly thick armor plating, even for one of it's kind. It gains DR: 10/-. This doesn't stack with his other DR. If the Kaiju is attacked by something that would negate it's Damage Reduction: Epic, it still applies this. The Kaiju also has a 50% chance of ignoring any critical hits that are confirmed on it.

Immunity (Ex):The Kaiju is completely immune to one form of attack listed under Energy Attack, or immune to poison and disease. This Special Quality may be taken multiple times.

No Breath (Ex):The Kaiju does not breath and is immune to gas based attacks that require a Fortitude Saving Throw. It can exist buried in the Earth, underwater, or the depths of space easily.

Reflect Energy (Su):If an energy based attack that you have Energy Resistance to fails to penetrate your Energy Resistance once damage is rolled it is reflected back at the attacker. This only works on energy attacks with a to hit roll.

Reflect Spells (Su):Targeted spells and spell-like effects that fail to penetrate the kaiju's Spell Resistance are reflected back at the caster.

See Invisibility (Su):The Kaiju can See Invisibility as a 20th level Sorcerer permanently. It can suppress or resume this ability as a free action.

Semi Solid (Ex): To take this special quality the base creature must not have a solid body, such as an Elemental or Ooze (or some Aberrations and Outsiders). Kaiju with this ability are incredibly amorphous. The Kaiju takes no damage from Piercing weapons, 1/2 damage from Slashing weapons, and full damage from Blunt weapons. Semi Solid may not be taken if you have the Forcefield, Half Construct, Heavy Armor, or Spines Special Qualities and Vice Versa. You must always be vulnerable to at least 1 energy type.

Spell Absorption (Su):If the Kaiju is specifically targeted by a Spell, and it fails to defeat the Kaiju's Spell Resistance, the Kaiju absorbs the Spell. The Kaiju can use this to increase its own power temporarily. Your options are:
1) Gain Regeneration: X . X=the spell level of the spell absorbed.
2)The Save DC of the next Special Attack you use is increased by an amount equal to the level of the spell absorbed.
3)Gain a temporary cicumstance bonus to attack and damage rolls equal to the level of the spell absorbed.
4)Gain a Deflection bonus to Armor Class for equal to the level of the spell absorbed.
5)Gain a circumstance bonus to all Saving Throws equal to the level of the spell absorbed.
6)You can apply one of the following metamagic Feats to your Spell Like ability the next time you use it: Enlarge Spell, Extend Spell, QUicken Spell, Silent Spell, Still Spell, Fortify Spell, Sculpt Spell
7) Gain a circumstance bonus equal to double the spells level of all energy attacks you make.
These bonuses last 1 minute per spell level.

Spines (Ex): The Kaiju is covered in spines. Anything hitting it with an unarmed strike or a natural attack takes 1d6 damage plus its Strength bonus.

Titanic Size Class (Ex): You are one of the rare Kaiju thats larger even than the others. This Special Quality can only be taken if the Kaiju has more than 60 Hit Dice. You are one Size Class larger than Colossal. You gain a -16 Size penalty to AC and attack rolls, a -32 Size Penalty to Hide Rolls, and a +32 Size Bonus to Grapple checks. The Range of all Special Attacks, and the values listed under Space/Reach are doubled. Your natural attacks add 1 die (i.e. from 3d6 to 4d6). Other effects will be listed in their individual entries.

Saves: The Kaiju's Saves are now recalculated based on it's new Hit Dice (and potentially new type). I put a chart for this later in the thread.

Abilities: Kaiju are fairly Hardy and gain +4 to Strength and Constitution along with the bonuses it gets for his increased size. Charisma increases by +20, and Intelligence becomes a 2. Wisdom is unchanged. To make it easier here's a chart for the total stat increases:

Huge:+20 Str, +12 Con
Large: +28 Str, -2 Dex, +16 Con
Medium: +36 Str, -4 Dex, +20 Con
Small: +40 Str, - 6 Dex, +22 Con
Tiny: +44 Str, -8 Dex, +22 Con
Diminutive: +46 Str, -10 Dex, +22 Con
Fine: +46 Str, -12 Dex, + 22 Con

If the Kaiju has the Titanic Size Class Special Quality add another +8 Strength, -2 Dex, +4 Con.

Skills: The Kaiju has 1 skill point per hit die (4 points for the first Hit Die). Class SKills are the skills possessed by the base creature. If he Kaiju has Psi-Like or Spell-Like abilities it also has Concentration as a Class skill. The Kaiju retains any racial skill bonuses the base creature possesses.

Feats: The number of Feats possessed by the Kaiju is recalculated based on the Kaiju's new Hit Dice total. Feats chosen after the 20th Hit Die may be chosen from Epic Feats if the Kaiju qualifies. You must keep the Base Creatures Feats unless the Kaiju no longer qualifies for them (i.e. Weapon Finesse)

Climate/Terain: Any, or same as Base Creature

Organization: Unique or Solitary

Challenge Rating: CR increases by 20, with an additional +1 per 2 Hit Dice over 40.

Treasure: None

Alignment: Kaiju tend toward Neutrality and Chaos but can be any alignment.

Advancement: n/a

Level Adjustment: n/a



KAIJU FEATS

Agile Kaiju (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Base creature must have been Small or Smaller and had a Dexterity of 15 or better): The Kaiju does not lose Dexterity due to the size increase.

Crafty Kaiju (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Base creature must have had an Intelligence of 15 or higher): The Kaiju retains the base creatures original intelligence score.

Damage Field (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Energized Attack Special Attack): When using your Energized Attack your entire body is infused with the energy. Opponents striking you during this time must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Charisma modifier) or take 3d6 damage of the appropriate energy type. You may do energy damage with a simple touch attack, or add it to grapple or constriction damage if using either of thiose attacks.

Extend Energized Attack (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Energized Attack): When using your Energized Attack it lasts 3 rounds longer. Each time this Feat is taken its duration is increased another 3 rounds.

Death Ray (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Ray Special Attack): Your Ray special Attack does untyped damage, bypassing Damage Reduction and Energy Resistance.

Powerful Charge (Prerequistes: Kaiju): When the Kaiju charges, it's primary attack does double normal damage plus double it's Strength bonus.

Powered Attack (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Energized Attack): When you successfully hit with your energized attack you may add your Charisma bonus to the damage done (Charisma bonus damage is the same as the form of energy damage being done).

Powerful Blast (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Energy Attack): Each time you take this Feat choose one Energy Attack you possess. It's damage is increased by +2d6.

Rake (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Claw natural attack): The Kaiju gains the Rake attack listed on page 313 of the MM. Damage is teh same as its claw attack plus half its Strength modifier.

Extra Attack (Prerequisites: Kaiju):The Kaiju possesses an attack it does not normally have. You may define this attack as you will (bite, gore, stinger, tail club, claw, etc). If it becomes the Kaiju's new Primary attack it does 4d6 damage. if it is another secondary attack it does 2d8 damage. If you have taken the Titanic Size Class ability the damage is 5d6 for a primary and 3d8 for a secondary attack.

Pounce (Prerequistes: Kaiju, appropriate movement type higher than 20', Dex 15+): The Kaiju gains the Pounce attack listed on page 313 of the MM.

Rend (Prerequisites: Kaiju. Claw natural attack): If all of the Kaiju's claw attacks hit it may automatically rend for extra damage. Damage is equal to double the normal claw damage (i.e. 2d6 if the claw does 1d6) plus one and a half times Strength modifier.

Rocket Fist (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Construct): Your Primary Natural Attack (usually a Slam) may also be used as a Ranged Attack.

Buzzsaw (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Construct): Due to retractable revolving saw blades inside your body you do 10d6 Slashing damage with a successful Grapple Check (this damage ignores DR).

Flying Razors (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Ranged Attack): Your Ranged Attack ability ignores Damage Reduction.

Potency (Prerequisites: Kaiju): This feat may be taken multiple times. If taken the Kaiju may is considered one alignment type for purposes of overcoming damage reduction. You may only choose alignment types that are present in the Kaiju's own alignment. Optionally you may also have your natural attacks be considered Adamantine for purposes of overcoming Damage Reduction.

Engulf (Prerequisites: Kaiju. Semi Solid): If the Kaiju succeeds in a Grapple Check, it Engulfs it's opponent (or at least a part of them if the opponent is Gargantuan or bigger). In addition to any normal Grapple Damage, the opponent risks suffocation (see DMG page 304) if it requires air to breathe.

Improved Grab (Prerequisites: Kaiju): You gain the ability listed on page 310 of the Monster Manual.

Reeking Attack (Prerequisites:Kaiju, Energy Attack doing either Fire or Acid damage): Any opponent damaged by your Energy attack must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 plus 1/2 HD plus Charisma Modifier) or be Nauseated for 1d3 turns.

Burning Attack (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Energy Attack doing Fire or Acid damage): Any opponent damaged by your Energy Attack must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 plus 1/2 HD plus Charisma Modifier) or take a -4 penalty to all rolls for the next 1d6 rounds.

Stunning Attack (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Energy Attack doing Cold, Electricity, Sonic, Force, or Positive/negative Energy Damage): Any opponent damage by your Energy Attack must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 plus 1/2 HD plus Charisma Modifier) or be Stunned for 1d3 rounds.

Brutal Attack (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Energy Attack doing Sonic or Force damage):
Vulnerability: Any opponent damaged by your Energy Attack must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 plus 1/2 HD plus Charisma Modifier) or be Paralyzed 1d3 turns.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on June 29, 2009, 06:50:21 PM
 :blink sweet shi-it!
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nuntius Mortis on June 29, 2009, 09:39:41 PM
Now, you made me want to play a Kirby. I know that the +2 LA isn't worthy (due to its abilities I think that it deserved to be +1 LA but anyway) but the ideas for its RP are simply perfect :p Unfortunately, I don't think that anyone will let me play a Kirby  :bigeye

PS: Now, just imagine a Kaiju Kirby. That would certainly say something :lol
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 30, 2009, 01:01:43 PM
:blink sweet shi-it!

I think it still needs work.  I intend to revise it someday.  It just still doesn't seem right, and this is my second revisal.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 30, 2009, 01:04:30 PM
Now, you made me want to play a Kirby. I know that the +2 LA isn't worthy (due to its abilities I think that it deserved to be +1 LA but anyway) but the ideas for its RP are simply perfect :p Unfortunately, I don't think that anyone will let me play a Kirby  :bigeye

PS: Now, just imagine a Kaiju Kirby. That would certainly say something :lol

He had so many abilities I just couldnt see giving him the +1.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nuntius Mortis on June 30, 2009, 01:16:49 PM
Now, you made me want to play a Kirby. I know that the +2 LA isn't worthy (due to its abilities I think that it deserved to be +1 LA but anyway) but the ideas for its RP are simply perfect :p Unfortunately, I don't think that anyone will let me play a Kirby  :bigeye

PS: Now, just imagine a Kaiju Kirby. That would certainly say something :lol

He had so many abilities I just couldnt see giving him the +1.

Yeah, I can understand. Kudos about making them :clap

PS: Does the Kaiju template applies to Kirbies? If yes, then what's his LA (or it's undecided as of yet cause I'm not seeing any LA in the template)?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 30, 2009, 01:30:38 PM
The template can be applied to any corporeal being huge sized or smaller, so yes the Kirby qualifies. 

It doesnt change LA because no one is ever intended to play a Kaiju.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on June 30, 2009, 01:31:04 PM
Dire Pigeon
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             4d8+8 (26 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Fly 70 ft. (average)
Armor Class:          14 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+10
Attack:               Beak +6 melee (1d8+3)
Full Attack:          1 Beak +6 melee (1d8+3) and 2 Claws +1 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Wing Slap, Pigeon Bomb
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Hold Breath
Saves:                Fort +6, Ref +7, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 16, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 7
Skills:               Balance +10, Listen +4, Spot +5
Feats:                Flyby Attack, Wingover
Environment:          Any Warm or Temperate except Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Flock (11-30)
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         5-8 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Okay Sally.  This here bein' you first run with Uncle Abner n' me we need to make sure you know whats going on.  You know what we need to do right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Now when Uncle Abner and Ah chase the birdies off the roof, what do  you do?"

"Ah whack em wif mah sling."

"Good."

"Then Ah takes 'em home ta snuggle, cuz theys mah pet now."

"Ah told you she wasn't ready for this yet."

Dire Pigeons are loud, obnoxious, incredibly stupid birds who crap everywhere.  They also bring down property values by nesting on the roofs of houses (usually caving them in at times under their weight).  Few Dire Species have achieved such nuisance levels as the Pigeon.  Adventurers willing to face  them are scarce.  Not because they're powerful, but because no sane adventurer wants to be thrown off roofs and pooped on to earn a living.

Wing Slap (Ex): As a Standard Action the Dire Pigeon may do a quick and unexpected wing slap against an opponent, usually when they are somewhere high.  This does 1d6+1 damage, and the Pigeon gets an Immediate Trip Attack as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If it successfully trips it's opponent the opponent may risk falling from the roof or tower the pigeon is on.  It's surprising how otherwise incredibly stupid animals know this.

Pigeon Bomb (Ex):  While in Flight the Pigeon may as a Standard Action poop on gawkers below.  Treat this as a ranged grenade like weapon, and if it hits it covers a 5' area in foul smelling poo.  Opponents who have the Scent ability lose it until they wash, and must make a DC 14 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution Based) or be Nauseated for 1d3 rounds.  Should the Pigeon critically hit with the poop attack it gets in it's victims eyes blinding it for 1d3 rounds. Basically pigeons are evil bastards.

Skills: Dire Pigeons gain a +8 Racial Bonus on Balance Checks.

Combat:  If a Dire Pigeons foes do not have ranged weapons (yes, some players are this stupid), they will patiently wait for them to climb the house to reach them before using a quick Wing Slap to Knock them off the roof.  They will repeat until the PC's get tired of this.  Should they change tactics or have range, they will Bomb the PC's or their mounts.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nuntius Mortis on June 30, 2009, 01:35:18 PM
It doesnt change LA because no one is ever intended to play a Kaiju.

Yeah, that's quite logical I'd say. I'd never want to see a Kaiju in my D&D life :P
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on June 30, 2009, 05:47:22 PM
btw, the swallow mechanic for kirby is a little too undefined...
but think of all the things you could do!
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on July 01, 2009, 02:37:51 AM
am I the only one thinking "Korgoth of Barbaria" with the Dire Pigeons?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 01, 2009, 11:54:33 AM
btw, the swallow mechanic for kirby is a little too undefined...
but think of all the things you could do!

Undefined how?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 01, 2009, 11:54:58 AM
am I the only one thinking "Korgoth of Barbaria" with the Dire Pigeons?

There were giant Pengies in Korgoth?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: veekie on July 01, 2009, 04:27:58 PM
Did I miss it or does the Kaijiu not have a regeneration option?

Also, wanted:
PrC that lets you turn into a Kaijiu, probably rooted in Wildshape ranger or Bear Warrior.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on July 01, 2009, 07:24:11 PM
btw, the swallow mechanic for kirby is a little too undefined...
but think of all the things you could do!

Undefined how?

It doesn't actually say what happens to the swallowed creatures, and if I am not mistaken, don't most things with swallow whole let them make a grapple check to escape?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: BowenSilverclaw on July 01, 2009, 11:13:33 PM
btw, the swallow mechanic for kirby is a little too undefined...
but think of all the things you could do!

Undefined how?

It doesn't actually say what happens to the swallowed creatures, and if I am not mistaken, don't most things with swallow whole let them make a grapple check to escape?

Or cut their way out :)
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on July 01, 2009, 11:49:17 PM
am I the only one thinking "Korgoth of Barbaria" with the Dire Pigeons?

There were giant Pengies in Korgoth?
well, pigeons, not penguins, but yeah, unfortunately, I can't remember what they were called, or find pictures of them...

here we go, screenshot from youtube:
[spoiler](http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c233/koomori/KorgothPigeonscopy.png)[/spoiler]
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 02, 2009, 01:56:12 PM
WOAH! Thems some big pigeons.

Actually it mentions that beings Kirby swallows cannot be harmed, and do not harm the Kirby.  They remain in his stomach until he spits them out (like in the game).  But I should probably add a time limit to how long he can hold them.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 02, 2009, 01:58:16 PM
Did I miss it or does the Kaijiu not have a regeneration option?

Also, wanted:
PrC that lets you turn into a Kaijiu, probably rooted in Wildshape ranger or Bear Warrior.

That would have to be an Epic PrC since the Kaiju start at 40 Hit Dice.  And no they don't have a Regen option, how the hell did I miss that?

Anyway I have a somewhat better idea for the Kaiju.  This is an older idea I worked on and wasn't quite comfortable with.  I posted it to see if there was any interest, in which case I may pursue the newer idea quicker.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 04, 2009, 01:27:44 PM
Dire Chicken
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             5d8+15 (37 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Clumsy)
Armor Class:          15 (-1 Size, +2 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+11
Attack:               Peck +6 melee (1d8+4)
Full Attack:          1 Peck +6 melee (1d8+4) and 2 Claws +6 melee (1d6+2)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Flying Charge
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Short Term Flight
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +6, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 18, Dex 15, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 7
Skills:               Listen +4, Search +6, Spot +4
Feats:                Improved Multiattack, Multiattack
Environment:          Any Temperate or Warm except Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary or Flock (10-30)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          6-10 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"YAY!!! CHIKINS!!!

"Much as our niece enjoys this here farm Abner, Ah can't trust a man raises giant chikins."

"Yup."

Dire Chickens were a once rare farm animal escaped into the wild.  Subsequently they bred out of control and are now massive pests.

Flying Charge (Ex): When the Dire Chicken charges it uses it's Flight Speed to gain momentum, launching itself onto it's opponent in the air.  It makes a Full Attack with the charge, and it's opponent must make a DC 12 Willpower Save (Save DC is 10 plus half Hit Dice plus Cha Modifier plus a +2 Racial Bonus) or be Shaken for 1d6 rounds.

Short Term Flight (Ex): A Chicken can fly for (3 plus Constitution Modifier) rounds before it must land and rest.  It gains altitude half as quickly as other fliers do as well, but it may subtract 20' from any fall before calculating damage.

Skills: Dire Chickens gain a +8 Racial Bonus to Search Checks.

Combat: Dire Chickens usually fly sharp-bits-first right into opponents.  Many adventurers refer to them as "the worlds tastiest flying saw".

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 04, 2009, 01:42:59 PM
Dire Turkey
                      Huge Animal
Hit Dice:             10d8+50 (95 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Clumsy)
Armor Class:          20 (-2 Size, +2 Dex, +10 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +7/+22
Attack:               Peck +12 melee (2d6+7)
Full Attack:          1 Peck +12 melee (2d6+7)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:     Blind Panic
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Short Term Flight
Saves:                Fort +11, Ref +9, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 15, Con 18, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills:               Listen +9, Spot +8
Feats:                Alertness, Endurance, Improved Toughness, Reckless Charge
Environment:          Temperate Forest
Organization:         Solitary or Flock (4-6)
Challenge Rating:     5
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          11-20 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---


"We're gonna eat good t'night Abner..."


Dire Turkeys are massive gobbling fiends who actively repress the local peasants by chasing them about when they gather nuts in the forest.  Or at least that's what the local peasants claim.  The starving, slightly wounded peasants carrying bird hunting bows...

Blind Panic (Ex): Whenever a Dire Turkey is subject to a Fear effect or Morale Penalty it completely freaks out and runs down the source of the fear.  This is a charge Attack doing 4d6+14 damage if it is successful.  If it hits the victim must make a DC 22 Fortitude Save (Save DC is 10 plus half HD plus Str Modifier) or be knocked Prone and Dazed 1 round.

Short Term Flight (Ex): A Dire Turkey can fly for (3 plus Constitution Modifier) rounds before it must land and rest.  It gains altitude half as quickly as other fliers do as well, but it may subtract 20' from any fall before calculating damage.

Combat: Dire Turkeys usually charge in an attempt to back opponents off.  Or they go screeching into the forest.  One of the two.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 06, 2009, 04:25:17 AM
Dire Parrot
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             2d8+2 (11 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares), Fly 80 ft. (Average)
Armor Class:          16 (+1 Size, +2 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+2
Attack:               Bite +3 melee (1d6+1/18-20)
Full Attack:          1Bite +3 melee (1d6+1/18-20) and 2 Talons -2 melee (1d4)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Cracking Beak
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 15, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills:               Listen +3, Spot +4
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm Forest or Plains or Hills
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Flock (4-10)
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"RAWK! Polly wants a cracker!"

"How much we bein' paid to catch these things Abner?  Ah like money an' all but damn these birds are annoying."

"RAWK! Polly wants some gold pieces!"

"Thats why we're fetchin' em.  Don't know whut them boys have in mind, but it's worth it for 20 GP a bird."

"RAWK! Polly bein' used!"

"Yeah but Ah think they go out of their way to be jerks y'know."

"RAWK! Polly knows about Bert's gay experience at camp!"

"THAT'S IT!  Ah've taken all the ____ Ah'm gonna take from birds! Open that cage and give him an axe, we'll settle this now!"

".....um...Bert...you been eating the local berries? Birds can't hold axes."

"Good! That'll make this easier!"

Dire Parrots are incredibly large parrots who not only can repeat what they've heard, the can expand upon it, and almost seem to do so somewhat maliciously.

Cracking Beak (Ex): Parrots beaks are incredibly powerful for their size, and can even crack nuts.  They threaten a Critical on a successful 18-20.

Combat: Parrots go straight for the bite before flying off.  They know better than to hang around.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 06, 2009, 04:46:17 AM
Dire Pika
                      Tiny Animal
Hit Dice:             1/2d8 (2 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                15 ft. (3 squares), either Climb 15 ft. or Burrow 5 ft.
Armor Class:          15 (+2 Size, +2 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-
Attack:               Nibble +4 melee (1 point)
Full Attack:          Nibble +4 melee (1 point)
Space/Reach:          2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:   -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Poison Tolerance
Saves:                Fort +2, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 3, Dex 15, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills:               Listen +7, Spot +3
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Cold or Temperate Plains or Mountains
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Family (4-10)
Challenge Rating:     1/4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

"We really should'na brought Sally along fer this.  Cold as a witches behind on this mountain."

"We'll think of something Abner.  We always do."

"Unca Bert! Unca Abner! Ah found shelter!"

"Really?  lead on Sally!"

moments later

"Whut the hell?  This cave is full of lil furry critters."

"Uh huh, and they says we can spend tha night long as we cause no trouble or squish the lil baby ones."

"How does she do this?"


Dire Pikas are among the worlds cutest furry critters, and come in mountain climbing or plains burrowing varieties.  Despite being huge for Pikas, they're still pretty darn small.

Poison Tolerance (Ex): Pikas eat many plants that are poisonous, and thus have a +4 Racial Bonus on Fortitude Saves against ingested poisons.

Skills: Burrowing Pikas have a +4 Racial Bonus on Climb, Hide, Move Silently, and Jump checks.

Climbing Pikas have a +8 Racial Bonus on Climb Checks, and a +4 Racial Bonus on Balance and Jump Checks.

Both types have a +4  Racial Bonus to Listen Checks.

Combat: Pikas are aggressive for their size, but not stupid.  They flee anything bigger than themselves.  At least until the adventurers go to sleep.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 06, 2009, 05:07:25 AM
Dire Elephant
                      Gargantuan Animal
Hit Dice:             24d8+192 (300 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          25 (-4 Size, -1 Dex, +20 Natural), touch 5, flat-footed 25
Base Attack/Grapple:  +18/+45
Attack:               Gore +29 melee (4d6+22)
Full Attack:          1 Slam +29 melee (3d6+15) and 2 Stamps +24 melee (3d6+7) or Gore +29 melee (4d6+22)
Space/Reach:          20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:   Trample (4d6+30), Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Tantor
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +22, Ref +13, Will +9
Abilities:            Str 40, Dex 8, Con 26, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 12
Skills:               Listen +20, Spot +16
Feats:                Alertness, Endurance, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Snatch, Iron Will, Multisnatch, Power Attack, Skill Focus (Listen), Snatch, Awesome Blow (B)
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary, or Herd (3-15)
Challenge Rating:     12
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          25-36 HD (Gargantuan), 37-48 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Abner...Ah don't wanna here any more complaints bought chasin' birds."

Dire Elephants are like regular elephants, except maybe if they were armored and twitchy from a steady diet of black coffee and spoiled bananas.  In other words you reeeeally don't wanna make em angry.

Trample (Ex): DC 37 Reflex Save for half Damage. Save DC is Str Based.

Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Tantor (Ex): If the Dire Elephant has successfully grabbed an opponent with it's Snatch Feat (A Dire Elephant threatens a Snatch Attack after using it's Slam Attack), it may squeeze them doing 2d6+15 damage per round the Grapple is maintained, or throw them away. 

Combat: Dire Elephants fight in much the same way as regular elephants do, they just tend to be meaner and put in the extra shot to make sure you're dead.  Plus they love to grab people with their trunks and throw them around.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 06, 2009, 05:38:19 AM
Dire Squirrel
                      Medium Animal
Hit Dice:             2d8+2 (11 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Climb 40 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (+4 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+2
Attack:               Nom +5 melee (1d4+1) or Nut +5 Ranged (1d4)
Full Attack:          1 Nom +5 melee (1d4+1) and 2 Claws +0 melee (1d4) or Nut +5 Ranged (1d4)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:   SQEEE!
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +7, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 18, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills:               Balance +12, Climb +12, Jump +9, Listen +3, Search +5, Spot +4
Feats:                Weapon Finesse, Brachiation (B) *
Environment:          Cold or Temperate Forests
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Family (4-10)
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

* Brachiation is in Complete Adventurer

"Unca Bert?  Unca Abner? Can Ah keep 'im?  His name is Goober."

"Sally, honey, we're s'posed ta whup the critters not adopt them."

Dire Squirrels are cute fuzzy abominations of nature who like to pelt adventurers with nuts and rocks.  Sometimes they play whats known as "Adventurer tag" by leaping on them from the trees, and then running away in some bizarre form of counting coup.

SQEEE! (Ex): As a Standard Action the Dire Squirrel can leap from the trees pouncing on an unsuspecting victim below.  The attack does 2d6+2 damage, and the victim must make 2 separate DC 14 Fortitude Saves (Save DC is Strength Based with a +2 Circumstance Bonus).  If the first is failed the victim is knocked prone.  If the second is failed he is also Stunned for 1 round.

Skills: Dire Squirrels have a +8 Racial Bonus on all Balance, Climb, Jump, an Search checks.  They may always take 10 on a Balance or Climb check, and may use their Dex or Str mod for Climb checks, whichever is better.

Combat: Dire Squirrels usually launch themselves at opponents out of the trees before scampering away out of reach.  Then they repeat.  Sometimes they  throw small rocks and nuts.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 06, 2009, 06:11:41 AM
Main Lobster
                      Large Vermin
Hit Dice:             6d8+12 (39 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 60 ft.
Armor Class:          18 (-1 Size, +9 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +4/+14
Attack:               Pincer +9 melee (1d8+6)
Full Attack:          2 Pincers +9 melee (1d8+6)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:   Improved Grab, Constrict (2d8+12), Territorial
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Mindless, Vermin Traits, Blindsense 60'
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +2, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 22, Dex 11, Con 14, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills:                -
Feats:                -
Environment:          Any Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     5
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Awright! Been a long time since we been crawfishin'!"

"Um...these ain't exactly crawdads Abner..."

Main Lobsters are gigantic lobsters that are almost psychotically obsessive about protecting their personal space.  Which is a small area of about 60' centered on their current position.  Anything entering that area gets attacked suicidally until it dies. 

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Main Lobster successfully hits with it's Claw attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If it is successful it may constrict.

Constrict (Ex): A Main Lobster does 2d8+12 damage with a successful Grapple Check.

Territorial (Ex): Once any living being gets within 60' of the Lobster underwater (or within 60' out of the water, and is seen) the Lobster goes into a homicidal fury and attacks, gaining a +2 Racial Bonus on all rolls for the duration of the encounter.

Blindsense (Ex): The Main Lobster can sense all beings within 60' as long as it is underwater.

Combat: Main Lobsters tend to rush forward and go straight for the claw attack almost mindlessly, regardless of what they are facing.  It's amazing their species lives to reproduce.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 06, 2009, 07:00:14 AM
Dire Keet
                      Small Animal
Hit Dice:             1d8+1 (5 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Average)
Armor Class:          14 (+1 Size, +2 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-6
Attack:               Peck +2 melee (1d3-2)
Full Attack:          1 Peck +2 melee (1d3-2) and 2 Claws -3 melee (1d2-2)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Annoy
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 6, Dex 15, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 7
Skills:               Listen +4, Spot +4
Feats:                Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Any Warm except Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Flock (10-30)
Challenge Rating:     1/4
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         
Level Adjustment:     ---

"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

"Bert I swear ta gawd Ah'm gonna kill this damn thing if it don't stop squawkin'."

Dire Parakeets are even more annoyingly screechy than the regular kind.  Even worse they're smart enough to know it.  Many is the Keet who has perched next to a sleeping adventurer and screeched the night away.

Annoy (Ex): As a Swift Action the Keet may screech each round, delivering a nails on a chalkboard sensation to any poor bystanders.  Any round in which it screeches within 30' of another being, that being must make a DC 13 Willpower Save (Save DC is Con Based with a +2 Racial Bonus) or any action requiring concentration becomes a Full Round Action, and he receives a -4 penalty on all Concentration checks for the round.

Combat: Keets aren't warriors.  They screech a lot, but they rarely full out attack anyone.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 09, 2009, 12:58:53 PM
Dryad, Moss
                      Medium Fey
Hit Dice:             4d6+8 (22 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          16 (+3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+2
Attack:               Weapon +5 melee
Full Attack:          Weapon +5 melee
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spell-Like Abilities
Special Qualities:    DR 5/Cold Iron, Moss Dependent, Wild Empathy, Fast Healing 5
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +7, Will +7
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 16, Con 14, Int 14, Wis 16, Cha 17
Skills:               Escape Artist +8, Hide +9, Intimidate +8, Knowledge (Dungeoneering, Nature) +7, Listen +9, Move Silently +9, Spot +9, Survival +9, Use Rope +9
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Any Warm except Desert
Organization:         Solitary or Clump (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Are you the Moss Dryad known as Sibyl of the Frothing Marsh?"

"Maybe.  Who wants ta know."

"My name is unimportant at this time.  I have been sent by my Lord Pelor on a mission most urgent."

"Oh great.  A Paladin.  As if life in a swamp doesn't suck enough now."

"Excuse me?"

"I spend all my time in this dreary swamp hoping to get some, and who is the first man I see in months? An Elf Paladin.  A gay Elf Paladin."

"I AM NOT GAY!"

"Feh.  You haven't ogled me once."

"YOUR A PLANT! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I HAVE THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

"That doesn't stop the Paladins of the other Gawds y'know."

"You know being as Pelor is technically the Sun God, and he's what allows your people to grow I'd think you'd be a little more respectful."

Moss Dryads appear to be completely green women with moss for hair.  They are unusual for Dryads in that they appear to have an unusual amount of body hair (moss).  This combined with their incredibly antisocial nature, the fact that they live in remote areas, and the shallowness of men regarding body hair ensure they live fairly lonely lives.  It also makes them assume any men not interested in them are homosexual, which leads to many frustrating conversations with the occasional stray Paladin on a mission from his thankless Deity.  

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At will: Horrible Taste (DC 14), One With the Land, Vine Mine.  3/day: Plant Body, Speak With Plants, Wood Wose.  1/day: Contagious Fog (DC 16).  Caster Level 6.  Save DC's are Wisdom based.

Moss Dependent (Su): This works exactly like the Dryad ability on page 90 of the MM, except the Moss Dryad is tied to a large clump of moss.

Wild Empathy (Ex): This works like the Druid's Class Ability of the same name except the Dryad has a +6 Racial Bonus on the Check.

Combat: Moss Dryads engage opponents with sarcastic banter (preferable from a distance) before coordinating attacks with their sisters.  usually they lead off with spells before pelting them with rocks.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 09, 2009, 01:03:57 PM
Dryad, Mushroom
                      Medium Fey
Hit Dice:             4d6+8 (22 hp)
Initiative:           +3
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          16 (+3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+2
Attack:               Weapon +5 melee
Full Attack:          Weapon +5 melee
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spell-Like Abilities
Special Qualities:    DR 5/Cold Iron, Mushroom Dependent, Wild Empathy, These Mushrooms are Not For Eating
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +7, Will +7
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 16, Con 14, Int 10, Wis 17, Cha 20
Skills:               Craft (Poison) +5, Escape Artist +7, Hide +8, Intimidate +9, Knowledge (Dungeoneering, Nature) +4, Listen +7, Move Silently +7, Spot +7, Survival +7
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Any Warm except Desert
Organization:         Solitary or Clump (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:     ---

"I'm going to choose my words carefully madam.  Are you...or are you not...the Mushroom Dryad known as Butter Gills of the Frothing Marsh.  Please just say yes or no.  I'm on a mission from Pelor and I'm in a hurry."

"Aren't you that gay Elf Paladin all the girls are talking about.

(expletive tirade deleted)

"Wow you are tense.  Y'know if you were into women I could do something about that."

"So this is what Hell is like..."

Mushroom Dryads appear to be women with odd skin color/textures, who appear to be wearing an odd hat (i.e. they have a shroom head).  They are well known for their love of Badgers, and they often keep them as pets.  An easy way to tell a Mushroom Dryad is in the neighborhood is that you now have Badgers out the behind.  And they are allowed to dig up your flower beds and poop on your doorstep.  Seriously.  Or your getting a knife in the dark.  Cause momma doesn't let anyone touch her babies.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At Will: Phantasmal Assailants (DC 15), Poison (DC 16), Summon Nature's Ally I (badgersbadgersbadgers).  3/day: Breath of the Jungle (DC 14), Major Image (DC 16), Memory Rot (DC 18).  1/day: Nauseating Breath (DC 16). Caster Level 6.  Save DC's are Wisdom Based.

Mushroom Dependent (Su): This works exactly like the Dryad ability on page 90 of the MM, except the Mushroom Dryad is tied to a large clump of Mushrooms.

Wild Empathy (Ex): This works like the Druid's Class Ability of the same name except the Dryad has a +6 Racial Bonus on the Check.

These Mushrooms are Not For Eating (Ex):  Anyone attacking a Mushroom Dryad with a Bite Attack must make a DC 14 Fortitude Save or be mildly poisoned.  Initial and Secondary Damage is 1d4 Wisdom.  If a Mushroom Dryad is Swallowed Whole, the opponent must Save each round the Dryad is in it's stomach.  Even if the Dryad is dead.  Don't eat mushrooms kids.

Combat: Aside from daring their opponents to lick them, Mushroom Dryads generally rely on their Spell-Like Abilities fro combat.  And their beloved badgers.  Many a minor adventurer has fallen victim to the furry force field living within the Mushroom Dryads vicinity.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 09, 2009, 01:04:52 PM
Dryad, Banana
                      Medium Fey
Hit Dice:             4d6+8 (22 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (+5 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+2
Attack:               Weapon +7 melee
Full Attack:          Weapon +7 melee
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spell-Like Abilities
Special Qualities:    DR 5/Cold Iron, Moss Dependent, Wild Empathy, Banana Dance
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +9, Will +7
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 20, Con 10, Int 11, Wis 16, Cha 20
Skills:               Bluff +9, Diplomacy +10, Hide +9, Knowledge (Nature) +4, Listen +7, Move Silently +9, Perform (Dance) +10, Spot +7, Survival +7, Use Rope +9
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Warm Forests
Organization:         Solitary or Grove (4-7)
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:     ---

"So these are the bananas you people described.  Is the Dryad near here?"

"Yes.  Yes I am.  Would you mind letting go of that."

"Sorry I didn't relize that banana was part of your skirt."

"I'm not wearing a skirt, and that isn't a banana."

"I really hate having to qualify for Atonement spells..."

"So would you say you're open to new experiences?"

"I AM NOT GAY!!"

Food bananas are an odd organism.  They're all quite literally clones of each other.  This has led to some odd qualities among Banana Dryads, and many consider them the spooky incest victims of the Dryad family.  There are certainly among the most attractive Dryads with their bright yellow leathery skin (it's almost like pleather, fetishists love them).  Mutations are common however, and some...well some of them have certain mental and physical oddities.  They also seem to have a weird affinity for Enchantment magics.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At Will: Charm Person (DC 14), Entice Gift (DC 15), Mesmerizing Glare (DC 16).  3/day: Feeblemind (DC 18), Goodberry, Suggestion (DC 16).  1/day: Hold Person (DC 16) .  Caster Level 6.  Save DC's are Wisdom based.

Banana Tree Dependent (Su): This works exactly like the Dryad ability on page 90 of the MM, except the Banana Dryad is tied to a banana tree.

Wild Empathy (Ex): This works like the Druid's Class Ability of the same name except the Dryad has a +6 Racial Bonus on the Check.

Banana Dance (Su):  By making a Perform (Dance) Check the Banana Dryad can Fascinate all Living Beings within 60' unless they make a Willpower Save (Save DC is equal to the Perform Check). 

Combat:  Banana Dryads usually open with their Banana Dance while their partners sneak up on their opponents and bash them over the head.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on July 09, 2009, 09:51:17 PM
Quote
Dryad, Mushroom
Awesome.
Quote
Dryad, Banana
:blink
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on July 10, 2009, 09:21:06 AM
Ok, I'm starting to want to play a character who is on a good will mission to the dryads who aren't getting any... could be a lot of fun...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nuntius Mortis on July 10, 2009, 01:17:38 PM
Ok, I'm starting to want to play a character who is on a good will mission to the dryads who aren't getting any... could be a lot of fun...

Play a lesbian elf paladin :P
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 10, 2009, 01:51:46 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veo)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_Pangolin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_Pangolin)

                      Veo
                      Large Animal
Hit Dice:             4d8+12 (30 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                25 ft. (5 squares), 25 ft climb
Armor Class:          16 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+12
Attack:               Claw +7 melee (1d8+4)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +7 melee (1d8+4)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +3, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 20, Dex 8, Con 17, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 4
Skills:               Balance +8, Climb +13, Listen +3, Search +3, Spot +3
Feats:                Power Attack, Cleave
Environment:          Warm Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          5-10 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ----

"It's a good thing this critter only eats ants."

The Veo is a giant Pangolin from Cryptozoology.

Skills: Veo have a +8 Racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks.

Combat: The Veo generally don't initiate combat, and the size of their claws dissuades most attackers.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Prak, the Mad on July 11, 2009, 07:40:07 AM
Ok, I'm starting to want to play a character who is on a good will mission to the dryads who aren't getting any... could be a lot of fun...

Play a lesbian elf paladin :P

actually I was trying to decide between druid and ranger...
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nuntius Mortis on July 11, 2009, 07:45:55 AM
Ok, I'm starting to want to play a character who is on a good will mission to the dryads who aren't getting any... could be a lot of fun...

Play a lesbian elf paladin :P

actually I was trying to decide between druid and ranger...

You could do those also but only if you take Vow of Chastity and become a Beloved of Valarian (not sure how a Beloved of Valarian would be a lesbian but anyway) :P
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 11, 2009, 12:23:13 PM
Dire Flamingo
                      Huge Animal
Hit Dice:             10d8+30 (75 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 100 ft. (Average)
Armor Class:          14 (-2 Size, +2 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +7/+23
Attack:               Bite +13 melee (2d6+7)
Full Attack:          Bite +13 melee (2d6+7)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:    Swallow Whole
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Hold Breath
Saves:                Fort +10, Ref +9, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 26, Dex 15, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +6, Search +5, Spot +6
Feats:                Alertness, Endurance, Multisnatch, Snatch
Environment:         Warm Marshes
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Flock (10-100)
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         11-20 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"More friggin' birds...whut the hell are they doin' anyways?"

"They's eatin' the shrimp in this here marsh were wadin' in.  It's how they get their pink feathers.

"WHUT?  Lookit the size of them things! How big are the shrimp theys eatin?"

"...uuhh..."

Let's git tha hell outta this water Bert!"

Swallow Whole (Ex): If a Dire Flamingo successfully uses it's Snatch Feat it may attempt to Swallow Whole it's victim the next round with a successful Grapple Check.  A swallowed creature takes 2d8+8 points of bludgeoning damage and 8 points of acid damage each round it remains swallowed.  It can escape by doing 25 points of damage to the Flamingos stomach (AC 12) wit ha light piercing or slashing weapon.  Once the victim exits muscular action closes hte hole, and additional swallowed opponents must cut their own way out.

Hold Breath (Ex): A Dire Flamingo can hold it's breath for (Constitution Modifier times 6) turns before it risks drowning.

Combat: Dire Flamingos rarely attack in flight.  Usually they land to peck, and take off only if they're losing or their opponents can fly.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 11, 2009, 12:35:15 PM
Dire Moose
                      Huge Animal
Hit Dice:             18d8+90 (171 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          20 (-2 Size, +12 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple:  +13/+30
Attack:              Gore +22 melee (3d6+22)
Full Attack:          Gore +22 melee (3d6+22)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:   Dancing (4d8+22), Powerful Charge (6d6+22)
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision
Saves:                Fort +16, Ref +11, Will +7
Abilities:            Str 32, Dex 10, Con 20, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +12, Spot +11
Feats:                Cold Endurance, Endurance, Greater Powerful Charge, Improved Bull Rush, Power Attack, Powerful Charge, Reckless Charge
Environment:         Cold or Temperate Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     8
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         19-24 HD (Huge), 25-36 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Ah don't think that huntin' bows gonna do us a lotta good Bert..."

Dire Moose are easily spooked despite their size, and will often be seen raining death down on some poor soul who happened to simply stand next to them without being noticed for a few moments.

Dancing (Ex): Dire Moose like to stand over foes and do what looks like a little dance on them.  In reality they are slowly trampling them to death.  This works like Trample except the Moose can end movement in it's opponents square, and the opponent gets no save for half damage.

Powerful Charge (Ex): When performing a charge attack a Dire Moose does 6d6+22 damage.  Opponents must also make an opposed Strength Check or be knocked Prone.

Combat: Dire Moose usually charge, and then dance.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 11, 2009, 01:20:45 PM
NILBOG

(http://Picture URL if you have one)
   
"As you can see I'm not the usual token mook.  I'm a new and improved mook.  Wait, that came out wrong..."

 It has long been tradition to experiment magically upon the goblinoids, as their bodies seem to have an affinity for mutation that surpasses the other humanoid races.  Even better they tend to breed true once the results have been accomplished. 

While this has long led to many failed experiments by overzealous madmen seeking to quickly create a new race of loyal minions.   Few experiments have gone more wrong than the Nilbogs.  Originally they were intended to be an enhanced warrior race who would be nigh well invulnerable due to being healed by damage.  The magics used to effect this reversal were unpredictable and tricky, and for once even the Goblins they were used on seemed unwilling to do anything but die.  Success was eventually achieved after many deaths, but it was only a partial success.  The Nilbogs only occasionally bred true, and their strange abilities were only occasionally inherited by their line.  Even worse many were in constant pain or were ferociously defiant when given orders.  Being unpredictable and stubborn made them bad servitors, and many were killed or left to fend for themselves. 

Nilbogs appear to be normal goblins, sometimes with odd deformities or skin colors.

NILBOG RACIAL TRAITS
·   +2 Str, -2 Dex, +2 Cha
· Size Class: Small. +1 Size Bonus to Armor Class and Attack Rolls. +4 Size Bonus to Hide Checks. -4 Size Penalty to Bull Rush, Grapple, Overrun, and Trip Checks. Lifting and Carrying Limits are half those of a Medium character. Space is 5', Reach is 5'.
·   Humanoid with the Goblinoid Subtype
·   Base Land speed 30 ft.
·   Dark Vision 60'
·   Reversal (Ex): Nilbogs suffer from an odd condition they refer to as 'the reversal'.  Positive energy effects (such as Healing spells) cause them damage.  Negative energy effects (such as Inflict spells) and/or damage taken from weapons or spells/effects/environmental problems heals any damage they may have suffered (In other words positive energy effects are the only way to deal hit point damage).  If they are at full hit points they gain the extra hit points as temporary hit points that last 1 minute.
·   +4 Racial Bonus on Intimidate and Survival Checks
·   The Nilbogs automatically speak Common and Goblin.  Bonus Languages include Elven, Gnoll, Draconic, Giant, and Orc.
·   Level Adjustment:  +2
·   Favored Class: Barbarian

STARTING AGE
 Adulthood: 14
 Barbarian, Rogue, Sorcerer: +1d4
 Bard, Fighter, Paladin, Ranger: +1d6
 Cleric, Druid, Monk, Wizard: +2d6

AGING EFFECTS
 Middle Age: 30
 Old: 45
 Venerable: 60
 Maximum Age: +2d10

HEIGHT AND WEIGHT  
 Base Height: Male: 2'8" Female: 2'6"
 Height Modifier: +2d4
 Base Weight: Male: 30 lbs.  Female: 25 lbs.
 Weight Modifier: x1 lb.

NILBOG CHARACTERS
 If you want to play something unusual, you don't get much more unusual than the Nilbog.  And healing for you will be simple.  All you need to do is start a fight.  A few solid axe blows and you're good as new.
 Adventuring Race: Nilbogs commonly go on adventures because they're ordered to by their superiors.  Of those few who are in the business for themselves. they adventure for money and power.  Same as most Goblins would.
 Character Development: Being as damage actually heals you, you are born to be a melee tank.  You may not do as much damage as other tanks, but you can really soak it up.  Just watch out for the Undead.  Their ability to bestow ability damage or negative levels can just ruin your day.
 Character Names: Nilbogs use Goblin names.  But they usually reverse the names as a way of letting other Goblinoids know who they are.

ROLEPLAYING A NILBOG
 You're a hired killer.  A goblin meant to take opponents by surprise, and be able to kill them off before they can figure out why their weapons aren't hurting you.  Nilbogs are still rare, and not many people know about your condition.  Fewer people know how much grief it causes you mentally either. 
 Personality: Nilbogs are without exception twitchy and bad tempered.  The reversal causes many small frustrating events in their lives, and sometimes this frustration boils over leading to temporary fits of madness.  Many Nilbogs also have minor deformities they ted to be touchy about.  they are reclusive, antisocial, and sometimes just shy of suicidal.  Life is not happy for a Nilbog.
 Behaviors: Nilbogs are pretty much like any other Goblin, but with some noticeable mental problems.  Many have what could charitably be called anger management issues, or are at least mildly scizophrenic.  Something about living with the Reversal effect is not mentally healthy to individuals.
 Language: Nilbogs are Goblins, and as such speak and use the Goblin language as usual.

NILBOG SOCIETY
 Nilbogs live among Goblins, and share their culture and society.  They aren't exactly accepted as normal, but they aren't discriminated against either.  Many Goblins hold them in superstitious fear.
 Alignment : Unlike most Goblins, Nilbogs are almost always Chaotic Evil.  Perhaps it's what they went through to gain their powers, or maybe it's because their life has been so screwed over because of said powers.
 Lands : Most Nilbogs live amongst Goblins, which means the majority of them live in Temperate Plains areas. 
 Settlements : Only other Nilbogs, and possibly some Goblins, can possibly understand what the Nilbogs go through, so it's rare that the leave the Goblin homelands.  Plus among Goblins, they're just another Goblin.  Among other people their unusual nature becomes much more readily apparent.
 Beliefs : Nilbogs worship the Goblinoid pantheon like any other Goblin.
 Relations: Much like the other Goblinoids the Nilbogs consider themselves to be almost permanently at war with the other races.

NILBOG ADVENTURES
·   A local gladiator has been killing almost all of his opponents a little too easily.  Magical help is suspected.  Your team has been hired to expose him, and you're being sent into the arena against him because of your unusual abilities.
·   Recently entire villages have been massacred, and giant footprints have been found leading away from the villages.  Giant footprints which eventually begin to shrink.  It is suspected a Greater Nilbog is in the area, and you have been asked to find and recruit him.
·   Recently all of your brothers have lost their powers and become ordinary Goblins.  Most have died not long after.  You must discover why, and how to cure it before the same ailment strikes you.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nuntius Mortis on July 11, 2009, 04:13:32 PM
 :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

So, a Vivacious Nilbog would have an adjustment of +5 and would be immune to every kind of damage. Now, add a template that gives him immunity to energy drain and after that even Pun-Pun could not kill him.

PS: Nilbog is one of my nicknames so I'm very proud of it :D :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 12, 2009, 01:58:28 AM
Vivacious?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nuntius Mortis on July 12, 2009, 02:05:19 AM
Vivacious?


Template from the Planar Handbook which makes the creature immune to the effects of a Positive Dominant Environment (thus, immune to positive energy damage) ;)
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 12, 2009, 11:31:02 AM
Looking at the book I was under the impression they were just immune to the effects of the Positive Energy Plane. 
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nuntius Mortis on July 12, 2009, 11:33:47 AM
Looking at the book I was under the impression they were just immune to the effects of the Positive Energy Plane. 

My impression is that it makes them also immune to positive energy damage but I may be mistaken.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Agita on July 12, 2009, 11:41:47 AM
Looking at the book I was under the impression they were just immune to the effects of the Positive Energy Plane. 

My impression is that it makes them also immune to positive energy damage but I may be mistaken.
You are.

Quote from: Planar Handbook, page 133
Positive Adaptation (Ex): Vivacious creatures do not exceed
their full normal hit points or need to make Fortitude saves
due to being in a positive-dominant environment.
I see nothing to suggest that they would be immune to positive energy damage.

In any case, hit point damage is only one way of killing stuff. They would still be subject to death effects, ability damage, negative levels etc.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 12, 2009, 01:40:40 PM
True, but there's not much of that at lower levels
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nuntius Mortis on July 12, 2009, 04:44:14 PM
In any case, hit point damage is only one way of killing stuff. They would still be subject to death effects, ability damage, negative levels etc.

The Voidmind template can take care of ability damage, ability drain and energy drain (and for some reason while MM3 says it's LA is +3, the Template handbook says it's LA is +1). Death effects will still affect him unless the creature attains a Divine Rank.

As far as the Vivacious template is concerned, yeah I was reading it wrong :P
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 13, 2009, 01:37:25 PM
Titan Budgie (aka the Dire Dire Pigeon)
                      Colossal Animal
Hit Dice:             36d8+360 (522 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          22 (-8 Size, +20 Natural), touch 2, flat-footed 22
Base Attack/Grapple:  +27/+58
Attack:               Bite +35 melee (4d6+22/19-20)
Full Attack:          Bite +35 melee (4d6+22/19-20)
Space/Reach:          30 ft./30 ft.
Special Attacks:    Trample (4d6+30)
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, DR 5/-
Saves:                Fort +30, Ref +20, Will +12
Abilities:            Str 40, Dex 10, Con 30, Int 1, Wis 10, Cha 14
Skills:               Listen +13, Search +8, Spot +13
Feats:                Awesome Blow, Cleave, Great Cleave, Greater Mighty Roar, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Critical (Bite), Mighty Roar, Multisnatch, Overwhelming Critical (Bite), Power Attack, Snatch, Stamp, Weapon Focus (Bite)*
Environment:         Warm or Temperate Plains
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Flock (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     11
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:         37-72 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---

* All feats not found in the PHB are from Savage Species or the Draconomicon.

"Screw this Bert.  Lets just refund their money."

PEEEEP!!!


Titan Budgies are the unfortunate side effect of a prank at a wizards college.  Superficially they resemble baby chicks, or songbirds who have grown so massive that their wings have atrophied and they can no longer fly.  They spend much of their time pecking about for food or peeping in a surprisingly loud bass voice. Titan Budgies are also notoriously territorial and will crush or run off anything larger than Medium Size class that gets in their domain (medium size critters are for light snacking).  It is highly rumored that the mages responsible died or fled the Plane.  Many locals whose farms the Titan Budgies have uprooted would very desperately like to know the truth of this.  And it's not because they expect to sodomize them with a pitchfork or something cliche.  Really, they swear.

Trample (Ex): DC 43 Reflex Save for Half Damage.

Combat: Titan Budgies normally use their Trample attacks against annoying small critters unless they're feeling hungry.  Then they peck.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 16, 2009, 12:48:01 PM
work in progress, my newest take on the Kaiju Template

Kaiju, Lesser

Unlike normal Templates, Lesser Kaiju is not applied to a Base Creature.  lesser Kaiju are little more than gigantic Animals or primitive Humanoids with few if any special powers other than their incredible toughness.  

Size: Lesser Kaiju are Colossal.    

Type: Type is Kaiju.

Kaiju Type
A Kaiju is a gigantic living creature of varying appearance and abilities.
Features: A Kaiju has the following features unless mentioned otherwise in it's entry:

-d12 Hit Dice (Kaiju have maximum Hit Points per Die)
-Base Attack Bonus equal to it's Hit Dice (as Fighter)
-Skill Points equal to (2+Int modifier, minimum 1) per Hit Die, with Quadruple points for the first Hit Die.
Traits: All Kaiju possess the following traits unless it mentions otherwise in their entry:
-Low Light Vision
-Treasure: Usually None
-Proficient with Natural Weapons and any weapons or armor in it's entry.


Hit Dice: All Lesser Kaiju begin with 40d12 Hit Dice, giving them 480 hit points (plus their Constitution Modifier times 40).

Speed: Base Land Speed is 30'.

Armor Class: All Lesser Kaiju have a +30 Natural Armor Class Modifier.

Attacks: Lesser Kaiju have a BAB of +40, and one Primary Natural Attack doing 4d6 damage plus Strength Modifier (one and a half times Str Mod if this is it's only attack).  Additional Primary or Secondary Attacks can be purchased through Special Attacks or Kaiju Feats.

Special Attacks: All Lesser Kaiju gain a Trample Attack and Frightening Presence:

Trample (Ex): As a standard action during its turn a Kaiju may Trample a Gargantuan or smaller opponent. It does 4d12 plus the kaiju's Strength modifier. If the Kaiju has 4 or more legs add double the Strength modifier. If the Kaiju has no legs or many legs (a snake or centipede) do not add the Strength modifier. Victims can attempt a Reflex Save for Half Damage. DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Strength modifier.

Frightful Presence (Ex): Any creature within a 360 foot radius of a Kaiju that have less Hit Dice than the it does are subject to its Frightening Presence. Victims in this range must make a Will Save DC (10 + 1/2 Kaiju's Hit Dice + Charisma modifier). If a save is successful that creature is immune to this Kaiju's frightful presence for 24 hours. Creatures with 4 HD or less who fail the Save are Panicked for 4d6 rounds, those with 5 HD or more are instead Shaken for 4d6 rounds. Kaiju are immune to this effect.

Lesser Kaiju also get 3 choices from the following list:

Acid Spray (Ex):  Once every 1d4 turns you can spray acid in either an 80' Cone or a 10' by 150' line.  The opponent gets a Reflex Save for half damage (Save DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution Modifier), and the attack does 20d6 Acid damage.

Acid Sting (Ex):  The Lesser Kaiju's Primary Natural Attack injects acid instead of poison.  In addition to the attacks regular damage it also does 4d6 Acid damage.  On each subsequent turn the victim takes Acid damage again, but it lowers 1 die each turn (1.e. 3d6 on the second turn, 2d6 on the 3rd, etc).

Attach (Ex): The Lesser Kaiju can Attach itself to an opponent by making a Melee Touch Attack.  While Attached it is considered to be Grappling it's opponent, but loses it's Dexterity Bonus to AC.  To remove it requires the opponent to successfully Pin it in a Grapple.

Augmented Criticals (Ex): This may be taken multiple times. Choose one of the following: A) All the Kaiju's regular attacks have their critical threat range increased by 2 (i.e. if their claws normally critical on a 20, now they critical on an 18-20). B) One of the Kaiju's Special Attacks has it's critical threat range increased by 1 (assuming it actually does critical damage such as a ray, area effects don't count). C) All of the Kaiju's regular attacks have their critical damage multiplier increased by 1 (i.e. if they normally do x2 damage with a critical, they now do x3. D) You have a +4 Racial bonus on rolls to confirm Criticals. You must choose a different option whenever you pick this Special Attack.

Battle Frenzy (Ex): Choose either the Power, Speed, or Defense option when picking this ability. Power: Once per fight the Kaiju may go into Battle Frenzy gaining an ability exactly the same as the Barbarians Mighty Rage ability listed in the Players Handbook page 26. Speed:As Power except you use the Whirling Frenzy variant found on page 66 of Unearthed Arcana (kaiju is assumed to get the version of Whirling Frenzy used by a 2oth level barbarian). Defense: As Power except you get the Berserker Strength variant listed on page 33 of Players Handbook 2. You must fall below (5 x HD) hit points to get these bonuses (and are assumed to be a 20th level barbarian for purposes of the benefits received). If you choose this special attack for your Kaiju (regardless which of the 3 options you choose), you may take any Feat that requires Rage or Frenzy as a Prerequisite. This ability may only be chosen once.

Blood Drain (Ex):  The Lesser Kaiju does 2d4 temporary Constitution damage each round it has it's opponent Pinned in a Grapple Check, or if it has Attach each round it remains attached, beginning with the first round it which it starts attached to it's victim.

Chemical Spray (Ex): Once every 1d4 rounds you can unleash a bitter irritating chemical spray that sticks to your opponents and burns them.  This is an 80' Cone that does 3d6 Acid damage, and the opponent must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 plus half Hit Dice plus Constitution Modifier) or be Sickened for 2d4 minutes.  Opponents with the Scent ability take a -4 Penalty on this roll.  If the opponent rolls a Natural '1' on his Save, he is also Blinded for 1d6 rounds.

Constriction (Ex): If the Kaiju succeeds in a grapple check it can constrict its opponent for 4d6+one and a half times Strength bonus.  If the Constriction is instead based on pincers/claws it does double the claws regular damage plus Strength bonus.

Extending Limbs (Ex): Your main limbs have double the normal reach. This can be arms, tentacles, or even a tongue or tail. You must choose at creation.

Ink Cloud (Ex):  Once per minute the Lesser Kaiju can emit a cloud of Ink while it's underwater as a Free Action.  This Cloud is 60' by 60' by 60' and provides total concealment.  Vision within the cloud is completely obscured.  The cloud lasts for 1d6 minutes before currents begin to break it apart.

Lightning Strike (Ex): You may strike incredibly quickly and faster than you appear to be capable of moving.  If you have the initiative over your opponent he is considered Flat-Footed.

Pin Down (Ex): If your opponent is Pinned in a Grapple he takes damage equal to your Trample damage each Turn (he gets no Save for half damage).

Poison Attack (Ex): One of your natural attacks (usually a bite or sting) is envenomed. If this attack hits and does damage, your opponent must make a Fortitude Save to avoid the venom's effects (DC is 10 +1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution Modifier). Initial and Secondary damage is 2d6, you choose whether or nor Damage is done to Strength, Dexterity, or Constitution at Creation. Or optionally Initial damage is Paralysis for 2d4 rounds, secondary damage is none.

Poison Flesh (Ex): If your opponent bites you he may be poisoned if he fails a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 plus half Hit Dice plus Constitution Modifier plus a +4 Racial Bonus).  Initial and Secondary damage is 2d6, you choose whether or nor Damage is done to Strength, Dexterity, or Constitution at Creation. Or optionally Initial damage is Paralysis for 2d4 rounds, secondary damage is none.  

Poison Spittle (Ex):You may spew a gob of caustic poison into your opponents face possibly blinding them. Every 1d4 rounds you may spew a gob of venom as a touch attack with a range of 150 feet. If it hits the victim is allowed a Reflex Save (DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution modifier). If he fails he is blinded for 1d6 rounds (eyeless creatures are immune to this effect), and takes acid damage equal to half your total Hit Dice (i.e. if you have 40 Hit Dice it takes 20 damage).

Poison Spray (Ex):You can spew a cloud of venom once every 1d4 rounds in a 80 foot cone. Anyone in its area of effect must make a Fortitude Save ( Dc is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution modifier) or take the poisons effects. Intital and secondary damage is 1d6, you may choose to damage either Strength, Dexterity, or Constitution at creation. Or optionally you may choose to make initial damage Paralysis for 1d4 rounds, secondary damage none.

Rock Throwing/Catching (Ex): You receive a +1 Racial bonus on attack rolls when throwing rocks. You can throw up to Huge sized rocks (1 ton in weight). Damage is 4d6 + Strength Bonus. Once a round, if you would normally be hit by a rock you can make a Reflex Save to catch it (DC is 15 for Small, 20 for Medium, 25 for Large, or 30 for Huge, if the projectile has a magical bonus the Save DC is increased by that amount). You must be ready for and aware of the attack to make this attempt.

Shockwave (Ex):As a standard action the Kaiju can make a localized quake. Any being within 100 feet of it on the ground must make a Reflex Save or be knocked prone and take 4d6 damage ( Save DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Strength Modifier).

Stench (Ex): Rotting garbage smells better than this Kaiju. Any living being with a sense of smell coming within 60 feet of the Kaiju must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice +Constitution modifier) or be Nauseated for 1d6+4 minutes. If the opponents save successfully they are immune to the effects of the Stench for 24 hours.

Stunning Blow (Ex): If you succeed with your Primary Natural Attack your opponent must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 plus 1/2 Hit Dice plus Str Modifier) or be Stunned for 1d3 rounds.

Swallow Whole (Ex): The Kaiju can try to swallow any opponent of Huge Size or smaller by making a successful Grapple check (Gargantuan or smaller if you take the Titanic Size Class ability). Once swallowed the opponent takes crushing damage equal to 2d8 + the Kaiju's Strength bonus and 3d6 acid damage per round. A swallowed creature can cut its way out using claws or a light piercing or slashing weapon and doing 50 points of damage to the Kaiju's digestive tract. The digestive tracts AC is equal to 10 + half the Kaiju's natural armor bonus. Once the swallowed creature exits muscular action closes the hole and any other swallowed creatures must cut their own way out.

Webbing (Ex):The Kaiju may spit webbing or some sort of adhesive in an 80'Cone or a 10'x150' Line or an Explosive Blast with a range of 200' and an area of effect of 60'. All creatures in the area of effect must make a Reflex Save (DC: 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Constitution modifier) or be held fast by it. The opponent cannot move and must escape using an Escape Artist check (DC same as Reflex Save) or Strength Check (DC same as Reflex Save +4, has a +4 Racial bonus. The webbing has 1 hit point per Hit Die of the Kaiju, Hardness 5, and takes double damage from fire.

Windstorm (Ex):As a standard action the Kaiju can create 100 foot long cone of hurricane force winds by flapping its wings (or optionally as a breath weapon). All flames in this area are extinguished, and ranged weapon attacks are impossible except for Siege engines which take a -8 penalty. Listen checks are impossible in this area, and suffer a -8 penalty within 100 feet of the wind. If the area is dusty enough Spot checks will likewise suffer the same penalties. Anything in the cone of effect must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 20) or be subjected to the affects of Hurricane winds described on page 93 of the DMG.

Special Qualities: All Lesser Kaiju begin with the following:

Damage Reduction (Ex): A Lesser Kaiju gains Damage Reduction 25/Epic.

Dark Vision (Ex): Range is 120 feet.

Energy Resistance (Ex): The Lesser Kaiju gains Energy Resistance 20 to Acid, Cold, Fire, Electricity, and Sonic damage.

Invulnerability (Ex): Lesser Kaiju have Invulnerability 10.  Invulnerability works similar to Damage Reduction or Energy Resistance except you ignore the first x points of hit point damage (in this case 10) from all sources.  This does not stack with Damage Reduction or Energy Resistance.  If an attack could be stopped by either of these abilities use the higher of the two values.  For example if you have Damage Reduction 25/EPic, and Invulnerability 10 and are hit with a sword attack, use the DR's higher value.  But if the sword is Epic, and ignores Damage Reduction you may use your Invulnerability instead.

Immune to Mind Influencing Effects (Ex): Lesser Kaiju are immune to mind influencing effects (including Morale Effects and Fear).

Spell Resistance (Su): The Lesser Kaiju gains Spell Resistance equal to 10 + it's CR.

Overnight Healing (Ex): Kaiju are notoriously difficult to hurt, and keep hurt.  8 hours of rest completely heals any hit point or ability damage a Kaiju has taken.

It also gains 3 choices from the following list:

Additional Movement Type (Ex): The Kaiju gains a land, swim, fly, climb, or burrow speed. The new movement types speed is equal to the Kaiju's base speed. This can be chosen multiple times. If the Kaiju gains a Swim move it may also gain the Aquatic subtype if you wish. You may also make it amphibious. If you gain a Flight move your maneuverability is initially Poor.

Blindsense (Ex): While in the water the Kaiju can sense all other beings within 240'.

Chameleon (Ex): The Kaiju can change colors and blend in with it’s background. It does not receive a Size penalty to Hide checks.

Enhanced Ability Score (Ex): You may add +4 to any one ability score after all the other modifiers for this template have been added.

Enhanced Movement (Ex): One of the Kaiju's movement types is increased by +20 feet. This may be taken multiple times. Optionally if the Kaiju has a Flight speed, it can increase its maneuverability 2 levels higher.

Fast Healing (Ex): The Kaiju gains Fast Healing 20.

Heavy Armor (Ex):The Kaiju has incredibly thick armor plating, even for one of it's kind. It's Invulnerability increases to 15.

Hold Breath (Ex): The Lesser Kaiju may hold it's Breath for a number of hours equal to it's Constitution Modifier before it risks drowning.

Jet (Ex):  Once per round as a Full Round Action the Kaiju can jet backwards, increasing it's swim move to six times normal.  It must move in a straight line, but does not provoke attacks of opportunity.

Immunity (Ex):The Kaiju is completely immune to one form of energy damage (see the Energy Attack Special Attack in the Forthcoming Kaiju Template), or immune to poison and disease. This Special Quality may be taken multiple times.

Regeneration (Ex): The Lesser Kaiju gains Regeneration 10.  You must decide what type of damage it cannot regenerate upon creation of the Kaiju.

Spines (Ex): The Kaiju is covered in spines. Anything hitting it with an unarmed strike or a natural attack takes 1d6 damage plus its Strength bonus.

Sonar (Ex): The Kaiju gains Blindsight 240'.

Sprint (Ex): Once per hour the Kaiju can move up to 5 times it's normal Speed when performing a Charge attack.

Tremorsense (Ex): The Lesser Kaiju has Tremorsense with a range of 240'.

Saves: Base Saving Throws are all +22 (plus the appropriate Stat Modifier).

Abilities: Lesser Kaiju begin with the following Stats: Str 40, Dex 10, Con 40, Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 30.  The Lesser Kaiju also has 10 points to distribute among it's Stats as you see fit.

Skills: Choose up to any 6 skills as your Lesser Kaiju's class skills.

Feats: A Lesser Kaiju gets 14 Feats, 7 of which may be Epic Feats, and any of which may be Kaiju Feats.  It also gets 4 Bonus Feats which must be Kaiju Feats.

Environment: Any

Organization: Solitary or Unique

Challenge Rating: 25

Treasure: None

Alignment: Usually Chaotic Neutral, but can be any Alignment.

Advancement: 41-50 HD (Colossal)

Level Adjustment: ---

Example of creature using template here:


Snookums (Kaiju Kitty)
                      Colossal Kaiju
Hit Dice:             40d12+640 (1120 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                50' ft. (10 squares), Climb 50'
Armor Class:          34 (-8 Size, +2 Dex, +30 Natural), touch 4, flat-footed 32
Base Attack/Grapple:  +40/+72
Attack:               Claw +47 melee (4d6+15,8-20)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +47 melee (4d6+15, 18-20) and 1 Bite +42 melee (2d8+7)
Space/Reach:          30 ft./20 ft.
Special Attacks:      Trample, Frightful Presence, Kaiju Attacks (Battle Frenzy: Speed Variant, Augmented Criticals, Pin Down), Pounce, Rake (+47 melee, 4d6+7), Improved Grab
Special Qualities:   DR 25/Epic, Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 120', Energy Resistance 20, Invulnerability 10, Immune to Mind Affecting Effects, SR 35, Overnight Healing, Kaiju Abilities (+20 Land Move, Climb Speed, Sprint)
Saves:                Fort +38, Ref +24, Will +25
Abilities:            Str 40, Dex 14, Con 40, Int 3, Wis 16, Cha 34
Skills:               Balance +10, Climb +23, Hide +10, Jump +23, Listen +13, Move Silently +9, Spot +13
Feats:                Extra Attack x2 (Bite, +1 Claw), Improved Grab, Pounce, Racial Skill Bonus x8 (+8 Balance, Climb and Jump, +4 on Hide and Move Silently), Rake, Scent
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Unique
Challenge Rating:     25
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          41-50 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---


                      Tsuyoi Ari (Kaiju Ant)
                      Colossal Kaiju
Hit Dice:             40d12+720 (1200 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                50 ft. (10 squares), Climb 50'
Armor Class:          47 (-8 Size, +45 Natural), touch 2, flat-footed 47
Base Attack/Grapple:  +40/+73
Attack:               Bite +49 melee (4d6+25 plus 4d6 acid, 18-20)
Full Attack:          Bite +49 melee (4d6+25 plus 4d6 acid, 18-20)
Space/Reach:          30 ft./20 ft.
Special Attacks:      Trample, Frightful Presence, Kaiju Attacks (Acid Sting, Augmented Criticals, Swallow Whole)
Special Qualities:    DR 25/Epic, Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 120', Energy Resistance 20, Invulnerability 15, Immune to Mind Affecting Effects, SR 35, Overnight Healing, Kaiju Abilities (Additional Movement Type:Climb, Enhanced Movement, Heavy Armor)
Saves:                Fort +39, Ref +22, Will +25
Abilities:            Str 44, Dex 10, Con 44, Int 3, Wis 16, Cha 30
Skills:               Climb +27, Listen +13, Spot +13, Survival +16
Feats:                Blind-Fight, Cleave, Close-Quarters Fighting, Diehard, Endurance, Great Cleave, Improved Grab, Improved Initiative, Improved Toughness, Increased Toughness x5, Keen Scent, Power Attack, Scent, Track
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Unique
Challenge Rating:     25
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          41-50 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---




Ika (Kaiju Squid)
                      Colossal Kaiju
Hit Dice:             40d12+640 (1120 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                Swim 50' ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class:          32 (-8 Size, +30 Natural), touch 2, flat-footed 32
Base Attack/Grapple:  +40/+76
Attack:               Tentacle +52 melee (4d6+20)
Full Attack:         10 tentacles +52 melee (4d6+20) and 1 Bite +52 melee (4d6+10)
Space/Reach:          30 ft./20 ft. (40 ft. with Tentacles)
Special Attacks:      Trample, Frightful Presence, Kaiju Attacks (Constrict, Extended Reach: Tentacles, Ink Cloud), Improved Grab
Special Qualities:   DR 25/Epic, Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 120', Energy Resistance 20, Invulnerability 10, Immune to Mind Affecting Effects, SR 35, Overnight Healing, Kaiju Abilities (Enhanced Movement, Jet, Regeneration: Vulnerable to Electricity)
Saves:                Fort +37, Ref +22, Will +24
Abilities:            Str 50, Dex 10, Con 40, Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 30
Skills:               Search +16, Spot +15, Swim +38
Feats:               Extra Attack x10 (9 tentacles and 1 Bite), Improved Grab, Improved Initiative, Improved Multiattack, Improved Natural Attack (Bite), Improved Toughness, Multiattack, Multigrab, Swim-By Attack
Environment:          Any Aquatic
Organization:         Unique
Challenge Rating:     25
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          41-50 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---


Camazotz (Kaiju Bat)
                      Colossal Kaiju
Hit Dice:             40d12+600 (1080 hp)
Initiative:           +7
Speed:                30' ft. (6 squares), Fly 50' (Poor)
Armor Class:          35 (-8 Size, +3 Dex, +30 Natural), touch 5, flat-footed 32
Base Attack/Grapple:  +40/+71
Attack:               Bite +57 melee (4d6+15, x3)
Full Attack:          Bite +57 melee (4d6+15, x3)
Space/Reach:          30 ft./20 ft.
Special Attacks:      Trample, Frightful Presence, Kaiju Attacks (Augmented Criticals, Blood Drain, Windstorm)
Special Qualities:   DR 25/Epic, Low Light Vision, Dark Vision 120', Energy Resistance 20, Invulnerability 10, Immune to Mind Affecting Effects, SR 35, Overnight Healing, Kaiju Abilities (Additional Movement: Flight, Enhanced Movement: Flight, Sonar)
Saves:                Fort +37, Ref +31, Will +26
Abilities:            Str 40, Dex 16, Con 40, Int 3, Wis 18, Cha 30
Skills:               Hide +0, Listen +18, Move Silently +13, Spot +18
Feats:                Ability Focus (Frightful Presence), Dodge, Epic Reflexes, Eyes in the Back of your Head, Flyby Attack, Great Flyby Attack, Hover, Improved Flyby Attack, Improved Grab, Improved Initiative, Keen Scent, Large and in Charge, Lightning Reflexes, Mobility, Racial Skill Bonus x2 (+4 Spot and Listen), Scent, Wingover
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Unique
Challenge Rating:     25
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          41-50 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---



KAIJU FEATS

Extra Attack (Prerequisites: Kaiju):The Kaiju possesses an attack it does not normally have. You may define this attack as you will (bite, gore, stinger, tail club, claw, etc). If it becomes the Kaiju's new Primary attack it does 4d6 damage. if it is another secondary attack it does 2d8 damage.  Optionally you get an additional attack with a Natural Weapon you already have on a Full Attack.  For example if you normally did one Slam Attack, this Feat would give you an additional Slam Attack when you made a Full Attack each time you took it.

Improved Grab (Prerequisites: Kaiju): You gain the ability listed on page 310 of the Monster Manual.

Increased Toughness (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Con 42+): You Natural Armor Bonus increases by +3.  This may be taken multiple times, and it stacks.

Keen Scent (Ex) (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Scent): You can detect creatures by Scent in a 180' Radius, and can smell blood from ranges of up to 1 mile.

Pounce (Prerequisites: Kaiju, appropriate movement type higher than 20', Dex 15+): The Kaiju gains the Pounce attack listed on page 313 of the MM.

Powerful Charge (Prerequisites: Kaiju): When the Kaiju charges, it's primary attack does double normal damage plus double it's Strength bonus.

Racial Skill Bonus (Prerequisites: Kaiju): You gain a +4 Racial Bonus to 1 skill.  This may be taken twice to gain up to a +8 Racial Bonus to one skill.  Or it may be taken multiple times to gain skill bonuses to as many skills as you're willing to spend Feats on.  Optionally you may use this to gain a Racial Bonus with one combat maneuver such as Grapple Checks, Trip Attempts, or Bull Rushes.

Rake (Prerequisites: Kaiju, Claw natural attack): The Kaiju gains the Rake attack listed on page 313 of the MM. Damage is teh same as its claw attack plus half its Strength modifier.

Rend (Prerequisites: Kaiju. Claw natural attack): If all of the Kaiju's claw attacks hit it may automatically rend for extra damage. Damage is equal to double the normal claw damage (i.e. 2d6 if the claw does 1d6) plus one and a half times Strength modifier.

Scent (Prerequisites: Kaiju): You gain the Scent Ability.

Subtype (Prerequisite: Kaiju): Gain one of the following Subtypes: Amphibious, or Aquatic.

Swat: (Prerequisite: Kaiju): If you are standing firmly on the ground and successfully attack a flying opponent, it must make a Reflex Save (Save DC is 10 plus 1/2 HD plus whichever Stat Modifier was used in the attack, Str in the case of Natural Weapons) or be knocked from the sky.  It falls to the ground taking normal falling damage, and is prone.

Trip (Prerequisites: Kaiju): If you successfully make an attack with your Primary Natural Attack, you may immediately make a Trip Attack as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If you fail your opponent does not receive a Trip attempt against you in return.


KAIJU FLAWS

These can be taken to gain an additional Kaiju Feat.

WEAKNESS (Prerequisites: Kaiju):  The Kaiju takes double damage from one specific source, such as an energy or alignment type.  Alternatively it takes 2d6 damage per round in contact with some specific substance or thing, and it's Fast Healing and/or Regeneration do not work against this damage.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 19, 2009, 01:35:01 PM
work in progress


                      Goomba
                      Small Plant
Hit Dice:             1d8 (4 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class:          11 (+1 Size), touch 11, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-
Attack:               Headbutt -1 melee (1d3-1) or Spit Thorn +0 Ranged (1d3)
Full Attack:          Headbutt -1 melee (1d3-1) or Spit Thorn +0 Ranged (1d3)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spit Thorn
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Plant Traits
Saves:                Fort +0, Ref +2, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 8, Dex 10, Con 10, Int 10, Wis 14, Cha 8
Skills:               Climb +1, Jump +3, Knowledge (Dungeoneering) +2
Feats:               
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, Group (3-10), Horde (100+)
Challenge Rating:     
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment: +0

work in progress
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on July 19, 2009, 08:12:16 PM
<facepalm>
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 20, 2009, 01:58:03 AM
<facepalm>

In my defense I had a request for these things...

Although currently said request is on hold till the "is it a plant or a monstrous humanoid" conversation is over
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 20, 2009, 12:38:46 PM
Okay I think I have the Lesser Kaiju Template done except for CR, and anything people would like to see added.

So what animal/vermin/humanoid would you like to see used for the example critters?  :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 25, 2009, 02:57:54 PM
1st example Kaiju up.  SInce there were no requests I went with my instincts.   :p
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 29, 2009, 01:22:29 PM
Goomba and Lesser Kaiju updated
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on July 31, 2009, 12:40:32 PM
Think CR 25 is okay for the Lesser Kaiju?
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nuntius Mortis on August 03, 2009, 01:46:10 PM
Hmm, how Snookums could be used in a campaign? :P
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 04, 2009, 12:46:08 PM
Hmm, how Snookums could be used in a campaign? :P

Small village defended by large kitten/god :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Nuntius Mortis on August 04, 2009, 01:53:18 PM
Hmm, how Snookums could be used in a campaign? :P

Small village defended by large kitten/god :D

Interesting, interesting. A village of Cat Burglars of the Budda race defended by Snookums  :P
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 09, 2009, 01:50:40 PM
not meant for my silly campaign but i had a request, so I gotta put it somewhere:


Abeil Vassal, Debarta
                      Large Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice:            3d8+9 (22 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Average)
Armor Class:          12 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +2 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+9
Attack:               Claw +4 melee (1d6+3)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +4 melee (1d6+3) and 1 Sting -1 melee (1d6+1 plus poison)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Drone, Improved Grab, Poison
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Cold Resistance 20, Hive Mind
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 16, Dex 13, Con 16, Int 9, Wis 13, Cha 10
Skills:               Craft (Any 1) +0, Knowledge (any 1) +0, Listen +4, Search +4, Spot +3, Survival +6
Feats:                Alertness, Skill Focus (choose 1 skill)
Environment:          Any Plains or Hills
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, Team (4-8), or Crew (10-40)
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Lawful
Advancement:          By Character Class (usually Scout)
Level Adjustment:     +3


"Aww they look like giant fwuffy bee critters.  Can we take one home?"

"Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?"

The Debarta are a tribe of the Abeil living in temperate or cold weather conditions.  They resemble Bumblebees more than Honeybees, and have thick coats of fur to protect them.  They are also more massive than regular Abeil, and somewhat more primitive.  They speak Common and Sylvan.

Drone (Su): As a Full Round Action an Vassal can beat it's wings creating a buzzing drone that puts any living creature in a 60' spread to sleep (as per the Sleep spell) if it fails a Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based).  This ability does not effect Vassal's, nor does it have a HD limit.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Vassal hits with it's claw attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it does its claw and sting damage each round.

Poison (Ex): Injury, DC 14 Fortitude Save, Initial and Secondary Damage is 2d4 Strength.

Hive Mind (Ex): All Vassals within 25 miles of their Queen are in constant communication, and if one of them is aware of a particular danger they all are.  If one in a particular group isn't flat-footed or threatened, none of them are.

Skills: Vassals have a +4 Racial Bonus to Search and Survival Checks.

Combat: Vassals prefer to avoid combat as the Hive's Soldiers usually perform those duties.  But if they are required to the Vassals make decent hit and run fighters.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on August 09, 2009, 09:15:10 PM
Kewl.  :D
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 13, 2009, 01:45:34 PM
Abeil Soldier, Debarta
                      Huge Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice:            14d8+90 (153 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Average)
Armor Class:          13 (-2 Size, +5 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +10/+28
Attack:               Claw +18 melee (1d8+10) or Longspear +18 melee (3d6+10/x3)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +18 melee (1d8+10) and 1 Sting +13 melee (1d8+5 plus poison) or Longspear +18/+13 melee (3d6+10/x3)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Drone, Improved Grab, Poison, Favored Enemy, Buzzing Fury
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Cold Resistance 25, Hive Mind, DR 10/Magic
Saves:                Fort +9, Ref +9, Will +9
Abilities:            Str 30, Dex 11, Con 20, Int 8, Wis 11, Cha 12
Skills:               Knowledge (any one) +2, Intimidate +10, Listen +7, Spot +7, Survival +3
Feats:               Awesome Blow, Flyby Attack, Hover, Improved Bull Rush, Power Attack
Environment:          Any Plains or Hills
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, Team (4-8), or Troop (10-20)
Challenge Rating:     8
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Lawful
Advancement:          By Character Class (usually Ranger)
Level Adjustment:     +5

"Omg the fluffy bee critters come in ginormagantuan size! GLEE!"

"How am I related to you?"

The Debarta are a tribe of the Abeil living in temperate or cold weather conditions.  They resemble Bumblebees more than Honeybees, and have thick coats of fur to protect them.  They are also more massive than regular Abeil, and somewhat more primitive.  They speak Common and Sylvan.

Drone (Su): As a Full Round Action a Soldier can beat it's wings creating a buzzing drone that puts any living creature in a 60' spread to sleep (as per the Sleep spell) if it fails a DC 18 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based).  This ability does not effect Abeil's, nor does it have a HD limit.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Soldier hits with it's claw attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it does its claw and sting damage each round.

Poison (Ex): Injury, DC 22 Fortitude Save, Initial and Secondary Damage is 2d4 Strength.

Favored Enemy (Ex): This is identical to the Ranger ability of the same name, and stacks with it.  The Soldier gets a +4 Favored Enemy Bonus against one type of enemy.

Buzzing Fury (Su): As a Swift Action the Soldier can begin a high pitched keening sound that disturbs opponents.  Whichever opponent it attacks in melee that round must make a DC 18 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma based) or be Shaken for the duration of the encounter.  If the Save is successful the opponent is immune to this Soldiers Buzzing Fury for 24 hours.  The Soldier may use this ability once every 1d4 rounds.

Hive Mind (Ex): All Soldiers within 25 miles of their Queen are in constant communication, and if one of them is aware of a particular danger they all are.  If one in a particular group isn't flat-footed or threatened, none of them are.

Skills: Soldiers have a +4 Racial Bonus to Intimidate, Listen, and Spot checks.

Combat: Soldiers usually charge en masse performing Flyby Attacks in conjunction with their Buzzing Fury ability.  Once they've injured opponents or slowly whittled them down they close for the grapple and sting.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 14, 2009, 01:33:32 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolpertinger (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolpertinger)

http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/animals/comments/4289/ (http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/animals/comments/4289/)

Promised someone on the crypto thread id do one of thses and this seemed to be the most logical place to post it

Wolpertinger
                      Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             1d8+1 (5 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Fly 40 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          17 (+2 Size, +4 Dex, +1 Natural) touch 13, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-11
Attack:               Bite +4 melee (1d6-3)
Full Attack:          1 Bite +4 melee (1d6-3) and 2 Claws (1d6-3)
Space/Reach:          2 1/2 ft./ 0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Rake 1d6-3, Pounce
Special Qualities:    Low Light Vision, Scent
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +2
Abilities:            Str 4, Dex 18, Con 12, Int 6, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills:               Hide +12, Listen +6, Move Silently +8, Spot +6
Feats:              Weapon Finesse
Environment:          Temperate Forest
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, Pack (6-10), or Troupe (11-40)
Challenge Rating:     1/3?
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          -
Level Adjustment:     ---

"OMG! I think that bunny thing just bit off Johnson's toe!"

Wolpertingers are odd little beasts thought to be legendary rabbit monsters, but actually just hoaxes.

Skills: Wolpertingers have a +4 Racial Bonus on Spot and Listen checks.

Combat: Charge and nibble.  Fly away if there is resistance.  Swoop down from the skies and nibble.  Repeat till human becomes lunch.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 15, 2009, 12:46:31 PM
Abeil Queen, Debarta
                      Large Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice:            20d8+80 (170 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          12 (-1 Size, +3 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +15/+26
Attack:               Claw +21 melee (1d6+7)
Full Attack:          2 Caws +21 melee (1d6+7) and 1 Sting +16 melee (1d8+3 plus poison)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Drone, Improved Grab, Poison, Spells
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Cold Resistance 25, Hive Mind,SR 25
Saves:                Fort +9, Ref +9, Will +9
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 11, Con 18, Int 12, Wis 20, Cha 14
Skills:               Concentration +11, Diplomacy +9, Intimidate +12, Knowledge (any two) +8, Listen +12, Sense Motive +12, Spot +12, Survival +12
Feats:               Combat Casting, Create Wondrous Item, Dodge, Flyby Attack, Great Fortitude, Hover, Improved Initiative
Environment:          Any Plains or Hills
Organization:         Solitary, or Hive (1 Queen plus 20-100 vassals and 5-30 Soldiers)
Challenge Rating:     20
Treasure:             Double Standard
Alignment:            Usually Lawful
Advancement:          By Character Class (usually Spirit Shaman)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"HOW DARE YOU INVADE MY DOMAIN!"

"Holy crap that's the fuzziest rack I've ever seen!"

"Uh, dude, we're in enough trouble..."

"Do those things shoot royal jelly?"

"You'll pardon my companion ma'am he suffers from several curses..."

"He's just gained several more for his trouble."

The Debarta are a tribe of the Abeil living in temperate or cold weather conditions.  They resemble Bumblebees more than Honeybees, and have thick coats of fur to protect them.  They are also more massive than regular Abeil, and somewhat more primitive.  They speak Common and Sylvan.

Drone (Su): As a Full Round Action a Queen can beat her wings creating a buzzing drone that puts any living creature in a 60' spread to sleep (as per the Sleep spell) if it fails a DC 22 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based).  This ability does not effect Abeil's, nor does it have a HD limit.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Soldier hits with it's claw attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it does its claw and sting damage each round.

Poison (Ex): Injury, DC 24 Fortitude Save, Initial and Secondary Damage is 2d4 Strength.

Spells: A Queen may cast spells as a Spirit Shaman whose caster level is equal to her hit Dice (this stacks with levels she may gain in the Spirit Shaman class).

Hive Mind (Ex): All Abeil within 25 miles of their Queen are in constant communication, and if one of them is aware of a particular danger they all are.  If one in a particular group isn't flat-footed or threatened, none of them are.

Combat:  Queens are rarely called upon to fight as they are necessary for their tribes survival.  If they are required to they rely upon their Soldiers to defend them while they cast spells.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: Radmelon on August 18, 2009, 01:13:44 AM
Quote
"HOW DARE YOU INVADE MY DOMAIN!"

"Holy crap that's the fuzziest rack I've ever seen!"

"Uh, dude, we're in enough trouble..."

"Do those things shoot royal jelly?"

"You'll pardon my companion ma'am he suffers from several curses..."

"He's just gained several more for his trouble."


XD
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 18, 2009, 01:26:28 PM
Any thoughts on the Debarta Queens CR?  Technically she casts as a 20th level Shaman but they aren't the greatest of casters. 
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 23, 2009, 12:04:25 PM
Rosebush Dryad
                      Medium Fey
Hit Dice:             4d6 (14 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (+5 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+2
Attack:            By Weapon +7 melee
Full Attack:          By Weapon +7 melee
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spell-Like Abilities, Luv Advice
Special Qualities:    DR 5/Cold Iron, Bush Dependent, Wild Empathy
Saves:                Fort +1, Ref +9, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 10, Dex 20, Con 10, Int 13, Wis 14, Cha 20
Skills:               Bluff +10, Diplomacy +10, Gather Information +10, Hide +10, Knowledge (Nature) +5, Listen +7, Move Silently +10, Sense Motive +7, Spot +7, Survival +7
Feats:                Ability Focus (Luv Advice), Weapon Focus
Environment:          Any Warm or Temperate (except Aquatic and Desert)
Organization:         Solitary or Garden (5-10)
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Good
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Quarion?  Quarion Goldpetal what are you doing sleeping naked out here in the woods alone?"

"Snnnzrrrk...huh?  Where am I?"

"You're in the Woods of Ill Repute you fool!  Wake up and dress yourself!  Don't you know there may be Dryads about?  Dryads partial to making Paladins break their vows?"

"I know about the evils of Dryads better than any Paladin Xanaphia.  Fear not, Pelor is still with me."

"Good maybe he can find your pants. Why are you covered in scratches, were you sleeping in the rose bushes?"

"I...can't seem to remember most of last night.  Hey...where's my coinpurse..."

"Hey baby, thanks for the GP!  Here's your pants."

"Aw crap...now I'm beginning to remember a little..."

"Congratulations.  It would seem you spent the night learning of the evils of prostitution."

"Nah, I stole his money.  In his defense the Knightly Order he belongs to does call itself the Order of the Rose."

"YOU HAVE BEEN A BAD, BAD PALADIN!"

"Did you drug me?  My mouth feels like it's full of cotton?"

"Naw I just convinced you to suck my toes after you got drunk.  Must be Hell having that Elven penalty to Constitution. Hehehehehehe..."

"A BAD...BAD PALADIN!"

"Xanaphia we aren't prohibited in having sex before marriage.  Besides I was drunk.  Obviously it had to be against my will."

"WERE THROUGH!  I AM NEVER MARRYING A PERVERT LIKE YOU!"

"Ouch.  Sorry bout that."

"Don't be she's been my stalker for the last hundred years.  There are days I look out my window and see her standing in the street staring up at me while giggling."

"Aren't you afraid she'll snap and kill you?."

"No she'll come after you first.  Now where the Hell is that artifact you promised me if I took you drinking last night?"

Rosebush Dryads are greenish Dryads with red rose petals for hair.  They tend to be somewhat snarky, and specialize in giving mischievous love advice to people who should know better than to listen to them.  Many a transvestite has gotten dates with the local nobility due to them.  They also tend to hoard shiny things like jewelry and gold if they can get their hands on them.  Accent on the word if.  Most people don't trust their personal shinies near the local Dryads.  Or their sons and daughters for that matter.  Rosebush Dryads speak Common, Elven, and Sylvan.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At will: Briarweb, Camouflage, Thornskin.  3/day: Charm Person (DC 16), Mind Fog (DC 20), Speak With Plants.  1/day: Hold Person (DC 18).  Caster Level 6. 

Luv Advice (Su):  If the Rosebush Dryad can con it's opponent into discussing their love life, she can give out Luv Advice as a Full Round Action.  This effect is identical to the Suggestion spell but the Rosebush Dryad can only use it to give suggestions on an opponents romantic ideas or sex life.  She can however use it to give suggestions that aren't entirely reasonable ("Women love it when you call them fat, and lather them in butter.  Yup yup.").  She still can't suggest anything immediately harmful or suicidal ("Women love it when you run up to the King naked and stab him with a spear.").  DC 19 Willpower Save negates.

Bush Dependent (Su): This works exactly like the Dryad ability on page 90 of the MM, except the Rosebush Dryad is tied to a large rosebush.

Wild Empathy (Ex): This works like the Druid's Class Ability of the same name except the Dryad has a +6 Racial Bonus on the Check.

Combat: Rosebush Dryads are lovers, not fighters.  If their spell-like abilities don't suffice they generally try seducing their would-be opponent, or chatting with him until they can manipulate the conversation into talking about his love or sex life which is generally when they tend to be their most dangerous.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 26, 2009, 12:51:53 PM
Abeil Vassal, Gaborah
                      Medium Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice:            2d8+2 (11 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Fly 60 ft. (Average)
Armor Class:          15 (+1 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+2
Attack:               Claw +2 melee (1d4+3) or Scimitar +2 melee (1d6+3/18-20) or Sling +2 Ranged (1d4)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +2 melee (1d4+3) and 1 Sting -3 melee (1d4+1 plus poison) or Scimitar +2 melee (1d6+3/18-20) or Sling +2 Ranged (1d4)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Drone, Improved Grab, Poison
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Hive Mind
Saves:                Fort +1, Ref +4, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 13, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 13, Cha 8
Skills:               Craft (any one) +6, Knowledge (any one) +2, Listen +3, Search +6, Survival +3
Feats:                Heat Endurance
Environment:          Warm Plains or Hills
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, Team (4-8), or Crew (10-40)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Lawful
Advancement:          By Character Class (usually Scout)
Level Adjustment:     +3


"Is it wrong that I find tall armor plated bee women hot?"

"Ostensibly I'd say yes. Yes it is."

The Gaborah are a tribe of the Abeil living in harsh deserts and tropical conditions.  They resemble Hornets more than Honeybees, and have thick armored skin.  They are roughly as advanced as the more common Abeil, but rarer due to producing less young.  They speak Common, Elven, and Sylvan.

Drone (Su): As a Full Round Action an Vassal can beat it's wings creating a buzzing drone that puts any living creature in a 60' spread to sleep (as per the Sleep spell) if it fails a DC 10 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based).  This ability does not effect Vassal's, nor does it have a HD limit.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Vassal hits with it's claw attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it does its claw and sting damage each round.

Poison (Ex): Injury, DC 12 Fortitude Save, Initial and Secondary Damage is 1d3 Constitution.

Hive Mind (Ex): All Vassals within 25 miles of their Queen are in constant communication, and if one of them is aware of a particular danger they all are.  If one in a particular group isn't flat-footed or threatened, none of them are.

Skills: Vassals have a +4 Racial Bonus to Craft and Search Checks.

Combat: Vassals prefer to avoid combat as the Hive's Soldiers usually perform those duties.  But if they are required to the Vassals make decent hit and run fighters.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 27, 2009, 01:25:37 PM
Abeil Soldier, Gaborah
                      Large Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice:            8d8+90 (153 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 80 ft. (Average)
Armor Class:          15 (-1 Size, +6 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+17
Attack:               Claw +12 melee (1d6+7) or Scimitar +12 melee (1d8+7/18-20)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +12 melee (1d6+7) and 1 Sting +7 melee (1d8+3 plus poison) or Scimitar +12/+7 melee (1d8+7/18-20)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Drone, Improved Grab, Poison, Painful Sting
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Hive Mind, DR 5/Magic, Fire Resistance 20
Saves:                Fort +6, Ref +6, Will +7
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 10, Con 18, Int 9, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills:               Knowledge (any one) +1, Intimidate +5, Listen +5, Sense Motive +5, Spot +5, Survival +5
Feats:               Ability Focus (Poison), Flyby Attack, Hover
Environment:          Warm Plains or Hills
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, Team (4-8), or Troop (10-20)
Challenge Rating:     6?
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Lawful
Advancement:          By Character Class (usually Warblade)
Level Adjustment:     +6

"Hmm....we still got them Potions of Enlarge Person?"

"Maybe one of the bee women has a Remove Curse spell I can use on you.  Now I just have to figure out how to convince her to use it before you speak..."

"Dude...seriously I needs me them potions so I can snuggle me some Bee Woman..."

The Gaborah are a tribe of the Abeil living in harsh deserts and tropical conditions. They resemble Hornets more than Honeybees, and have thick armored skin. They are roughly as advanced as the more common Abeil, but rarer due to producing less young. They speak Common, Elven, and Sylvan.

Drone (Su): As a Full Round Action a Soldier can beat it's wings creating a buzzing drone that puts any living creature in a 60' spread to sleep (as per the Sleep spell) if it fails a DC 14 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based).  This ability does not effect Abeil's, nor does it have a HD limit.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Soldier hits with it's claw attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful it does its claw and sting damage each round.

Poison (Ex): Injury, DC 20 Fortitude Save, Initial and Secondary Damage is 1d4 Constitution.

Painful Sting (Ex):  Each time an opponent fails to make a Saving Throw against the Gaborah's poison it takes a cumulative -1 penalty to all rolls for 24 hours.  Opponents who are not alive or who are immune to poison or pain are immune to this effect.

Hive Mind (Ex): All Soldiers within 25 miles of their Queen are in constant communication, and if one of them is aware of a particular danger they all are.  If one in a particular group isn't flat-footed or threatened, none of them are.

Skills: Soldiers have a +4 Racial Bonus to Intimidate, Listen, and Spot checks.

Combat: Soldiers tend to sting opponents and fly away to let hte venom take effect before closing to sting again.  They will repeat this pattern, abandoning it only if opponents seem immune to their venom.
Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on August 30, 2009, 01:42:24 PM
Abeil Queen, Gaborah
                      Medium Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice:            16d8+64 (136 hp)
Initiative:           +5
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Fly 70 ft. (Good)
Armor Class:          15 (+1 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +12/+26
Attack:               Claw +17 melee (1d6+5)
Full Attack:          2 Claws +17 melee (1d6+5) and 1 Sting +12 melee (2d4+1 plus poison)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Drone, Improved Grab, Poison, Spells
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Fire Resistance 25, Hive Mind,SR 25
Saves:                Fort +9, Ref +11, Will +15
Abilities:            Str 20, Dex 12, Con 18, Int 14, Wis 20, Cha 14
Skills:               Concentration +12, Diplomacy +10, Intimidate +10, Knowledge (any two) +10, Listen +13, Sense Motive +13, Spellcraft +6, Spot +13, Survival +13
Feats:                Combat Casting, Dodge, Flyby Attack, Great Fortitude, Hover, Improved Initiative
Environment:          Warm Plains or Hills
Organization:         Solitary, or Hive (1 Queen plus 20-100 vassals and 5-30 Soldiers)
Challenge Rating:     18
Treasure:             Double Standard
Alignment:            Usually Lawful
Advancement:          By Character Class (usually xx)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"I understand you molested one of my soldiers."

"Wow your bosoms look like they could deflect spears."

"Dude...please stop talking..."

"Can you poop honey?"

"Before you kill us, please understand one of your relatives up North cursed him."

"I understand how she feels..."

The Gaborah are a tribe of the Abeil living in harsh deserts and tropical conditions. They resemble Hornets more than Honeybees, and have thick armored skin. They are roughly as advanced as the more common Abeil, but rarer due to producing less young. They speak Common, Elven, and Sylvan.

Drone (Su): As a Full Round Action a Queen can beat her wings creating a buzzing drone that puts any living creature in a 60' spread to sleep (as per the Sleep spell) if it fails a DC 20 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based).  This ability does not effect Abeil's, nor does it have a HD limit.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Queen hits with her claw attack she may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.  If successful she does its claw and sting damage each round.

Poison (Ex): Injury, DC 22 Fortitude Save, Initial and Secondary Damage is 1d4 Constitution.

Spells: A Queen may cast spells as an 18th level Clerics with access to the Community, Law, and Planning Domains.  This stacks with any levels they may have in the Cleric class.

Hive Mind (Ex): All Abeil within 25 miles of their Queen are in constant communication, and if one of them is aware of a particular danger they all are.  If one in a particular group isn't flat-footed or threatened, none of them are.

Combat:  Queens are rarely called upon to fight as they are necessary for their tribes survival.  If they are required to they rely upon their Soldiers to defend them while they cast spells.

Title: Re: Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature
Post by: bhu on September 05, 2009, 12:30:35 PM
Catfish God
Large Animal (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 8d8+24 (60 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: Swim 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +6 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+14
Attack: Bite+9 melee (1d8+4)
Full Attack: Bite+9 melee (1d8+4)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Swallow Whole, Spine Lash
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Blindsense
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +7, Will +4
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 13, Con 16, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 2
Skills: Listen +4, Search +3, Spot +4, Swim +12
Feats: Ability Focus (Poison), Endurance, Swim-By Attack
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure