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Play Like You Have To! => This Game is Rated M for Mature Audiences Only => : cfjeldstrom October 22, 2011, 12:39:48 AM

: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: cfjeldstrom October 22, 2011, 12:39:48 AM
I'm looking to put together a list of artifacts that have been created by an insane immortal. The main criteria is that they should have some practical purpose, but that purpose does not have to actually relate directly to the form of the artifact in question, or the method that it is activated. The purpose may be mundane, or extravagent, but should be quite totally insane.
[spoiler]
So far I have 2 artifacts designed.
1) the Armour of Torments
This "Armour" is not much mure then a pair of claws, a collar, nipple shields, a crotch strap, and a pair of stiletto heeled thigh high boots.
http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/043/e/8/Wolf_gal_by_pleroo.jpg (http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/043/e/8/Wolf_gal_by_pleroo.jpg)
The Armour is moderately intelligent, and can be reasoned with, to an extent. It only chooses female hosts, and has the ability to impregnate it's wearer, to produce it's next host. It has the ability to gain enchantments that boost the hosts fighting abilities, much like normal equipment can be enchanted. The tormenting part of the armour is that, as time goes by, and it offers new enchantments to it's host, it also will develop sexual torments for the host. The armour develops and gets more skilled at it's torments as the host develops (i.e. gains experience). The armour has been designed to seek out and achieve specific goals, and will produce, or find new hosts until it's objective has been completed.
2) the Corset or Rebirth
This corset has the ability to confer a new life onto a female of child bearing age, regardless of pre-existing verility. It does so by soaking up the soul of a male orc, tightening around the victim until he is quite thoroughly dead, and then tranforming that soul into a new one that is then transferred into the females body, resulting in pregnancy. The corset takes 6 hours to cleanse the soul of it's "impurities".
[/spoiler]
: Re: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: weenog October 22, 2011, 12:42:22 AM
Are you sure you're looking for crazy and not just rape?

There was one item that turned up in a game a long time ago.  It was a ring with the gemstone and setting on a concealed hinge, flipping the setting aside revealed the opening to an extradimensional storage space.  4,000 lb weight capacity, but the opening was only 1 inch wide.  Good for potions, poisons or powdered spell components if you've got a funnel and a lot of time to kill, I guess.  Or rope... lots and lots of rope.
: Re: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: AriasDerros October 22, 2011, 12:50:34 AM
Yeaaaaaaaahhhhh, the first one is just the Witchblade as a Weapon of Legacy that rapes you.

The second one is just an auto-kill device (ah-la dust of sneezing) that rapes you.
: Re: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: veekie October 22, 2011, 03:22:25 AM
Yeaaaaaaaahhhhh, the first one is just the Witchblade as a Weapon of Legacy that rapes you.

The second one is just an auto-kill device (ah-la dust of sneezing) that rapes you.
Pretty much. The only theme there is rape, which is cool, if its a rape god or something.

Proper insanity would be more of something that does exactly what it says, but in an oblique, disturbing or otherwise messed up manner.
Like skimpy armor that hooks into your flesh to avoid you losing its protection and turns you into a statue if it thinks that'd protect you better for the moment. However it does provide excellent protection against many forms of attack.
Or a fork of devastation.
: Re: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: weenog October 23, 2011, 05:25:59 PM
Awkward silence.

Guess somebody has a rape fetish and was just looking for ways to whack it at the table.
: Re: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: Sinfire Titan October 23, 2011, 05:41:54 PM
Or a fork of devastation.

You mean the Fork of Horripilation. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsXCZgDewbw)
: Re: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: shiningphoenix October 23, 2011, 08:05:05 PM
Well, if we're going down this road... (I didn't put these in the sex toys thread because they're either not in clear rules territory, or wouldn't be things you would particularly choose to buy)

: Re: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: weenog October 23, 2011, 08:11:31 PM
Sex-Bane Dagger Weapon: It's a +1 weapon, +3 against those who have had sex in the past minute.

I'd have called that the Cuckold's Dagger.  Seems perfect for murdering your wife in a fit of jealous rage after catching her in a moment of unfaithful indiscretion, and not much else.
: Re: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: shiningphoenix October 23, 2011, 08:21:50 PM
I'd have called that the Cuckold's Dagger.  Seems perfect for murdering your wife in a fit of jealous rage after catching her in a moment of unfaithful indiscretion, and not much else.
Killing people after having sex with them personally was the original idea. I would have given it a bigger bonus to damage (2d6, maybe more), but that would have ruined the simplicity of the design.
: Re: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: weenog October 23, 2011, 08:27:46 PM
Well a genuine bane weapon is +2 hit/dam enhancement and +2d6 damage against its intended target.
: Re: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: shiningphoenix October 23, 2011, 09:05:44 PM
EDIT: I was trying to edit the post, not quote it.  :(
: Re: Mythic Artifacts of Insanity
: shiningphoenix October 23, 2011, 09:06:02 PM
Well a genuine bane weapon is +2 hit/dam enhancement and +2d6 damage against its intended target.

Well, guess what? I looked it up, and you're right. Edited.